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Of Gay Detectives and Pink Lawyer Ladies

Summary:

This is a murder mystery but the murder and mystery are a means to an end because I just wanted to put Elle Woods and Benoit Blanc in one fic cause my (and my mothers) broken brain thought it would be an amazing friendship.

This is my first multi chaptered work so im not sure this is ever gonna be continued. (I’m trying)

Notes:

So the inspiration and idea came from my mother. We sat at breakfast and began talking about both movies and my mums firm belief that Blanc is one gay old man (true) and that Elle Woods and him would be the best of friends. We then thought of a plot that could lead them to meet (admittedly not a good one) and then i wrote the first two chapters in school. Be the change you wanna see in the world hehe. (Also I prolly should’ve listened to what my teachers say cause the first serious exam is like one month away oops)(serious in the way that if I fuck shit up then I’m not gonna go to university)(sorry for rambling)

Have fun!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Bitchy (false) Red Heads

Chapter Text

Paulette was having a good day. She was in the salon working her usual costumers, waiting for her boyfriend to come through the door with today’s letters and packages.

She was currently bleaching a womans hair to dye it red after. She made polite conversation with her about the newest fashion trends while waiting for the bleach to rid her hair of the natural brown hair colour. The woman, Claire Donters, a costumer she saw almost every week, was a nice and polite woman.

At least that’s what she’s trying to act like in front of people. Inside she was a jealous bitch, trying to steal Paulette’s wonderful boyfriend. But as long as he wasn’t present she was quite pleasant to talk fashion with.
So when her boyfriend came through the glass door with today’s mail she was simultaneously happy and a little bit pissed.
He walks up to the counter, leans sexily against it and winks at his girlfriend. Paulette waves back at him and gets back to pulling the foil from Claires hair.

When Claire sees the man she pulls her lips into a wide grin and winks at him.
“Hi, Mister Postman, how’s this lovely day treating you?”, she asks him in a sweet voice.
He shoots her an answering smile and politely greets her back.
“Morning, Miss, thank you for asking. I’m having a splendid day!”.

He leaves the counter and walks up to the two ladies. Claires smile getting wider with each step he takes towards them.
When he stops right in front of them Claire prepares to say something charming to him, but before she can do so, the Mailman bends down and presses a kiss to Paulette’s waiting lips. Claires face sours while Paulette lights up like a Christmas tree.

“Good morning, my dearest hairdresser” he greets his girlfriend. Paulette responds “Good morning, my favourite mailman”.
Today the stuttering isn’t as bad as so often when she sees her handsome boyfriend.
“I sadly have to leave now, because i might get fired if i stay for longer. Goodbye sweetie, have a wonderful day!”.
He leaves without saying goodbye to Claire, which sours her already sour mood further.

Paulette finishes colouring her hair and begins to dry and style it.
A half hour later Paulette stands behind the counter and puts the cash into the register, while bidding Claire goodbye.

She has a few more costumers before she can end her shift and go to her best friend’s apartment to gossip and eat fast food.

The sky is coloured in the beautiful hues of the sunset, when she finally steps out of the salon. She takes the subway to the nearest station to Elles apartment, walks the rest and finally rings the doorbell.
Elle opens the door and grins when she sees Paulette.

“Hi, Paulette! I am so excited to see you! Come in, come in.”, she greets her and bids her through the door.
Once inside she asks, “Did you bring the Chinese?”.
Paulette feels her stomach drop. “Oh dear! I totally forgot.”, her face apologetic and her voice tinged with a disappointed note.
Elle just puts a hand on her shoulder and says, “It’s ok, we can just order it in.”.

They sit on Elles pink couch and begin with their daily gossip session. They talk about fashion and the newest scandals, Paulettes costumers and Elles latest case.

“I had Claire Donters in today. I kind of hate her, she’s always trying to flirt with my boyfriend. And the worst thing is, she’s doing it in front of me.”, she says in an exasperated voice.
“That’s just plain mean!” Elle responds angrily.
“I’m so glad my dear boyfriend loves me and only me. You know, last night we had dinner. It was so romantic I could’ve burst”.
“Oh my god, that’s so sweet, Paulette. I’m so happy you have such a wonderful partner.”, Elle tells her.
“Me too, Elle, me too.”.
“But back to the bitch, that’s trying to steal my man. Today she tried to flirt with him again, but he just went up to me and kissed me. On the mouth!” She says in a giddy voice.
“That’s so cute!” Elle responds excitedly.

The conversation shifts to more serious matters after a bit more gushing over Paulette’s wonderful boyfriend.
The doorbell rings while they’re discussing the evidence Elles gathered for her client. They walk to the door together, not wanting to disrupt their conversation.
Elle opens the door, expecting the Chinese they had ordered, when instead of a delivery man, a police man stands before them.

“Paulette Bonafonté, you are taken in custody under the suspicion of the murder of Claire Donters.”