Chapter Text
CHAPTER 2: GUILT
Night.
After the sun sets, the sky goes dark and it seems the world has gone quiet. Some people admire this silence, others can’t stand it. However, some people can’t experience this silence. When the moon rises and the stars begin to shine is when the world has started screaming for them. Some people sleep off this noise, others talk to people about it. Then there are the ones that can’t sleep through it, who can’t talk about it, they are stuck in this noise silently screaming until the sun momentarily stops the insanity. However, some people can’t wait until the sun comes out. Some people can’t live another day. These people don’t just hear noises, but voices. Whispers coming from the shadows of their mind, begging them to stop it all for good. Some people listen to these voices, others leave them be. There is one person that is tiptoeing between these two options right now. Their name is Kris Dreemurr
It’s 2am in the Dreemurr home. Toriel is sleeping in her bed after reading a book on the life cycle specifically on snails and everyone else is gone. They’ll all come back though, Kris will see one tomorrow and the other next week, so they have nothing to worry about. But.. she is also gone, and they don’t know when she’s coming back. This tortures Kris, they can’t stand it. After all, isn’t it their fault she’s gone? The whole town’s searching for her, but they know what happened. These are the whispers Kris hears. It’s no longer coming from the shadow of their mind, but from the front and center of it. They can still see her face, going down past the church and…
They can’t stand seeing the image again, oh how it hurts to see it all over again and again and again and…Finally they made up their mind, instead of tossing and turning in bed like they just were, they will finally do something about it. They grabbed the knife from underneath their pillow and got up out of bed and walked to the middle of their room. Her face was still beaming into their mind, both a reason and not a reason to do what they were about to do. On one hand, they felt like it was their fault that she might never see that face ever again so what they were about to do was a valid punishment. On the other hand, seeing her face was like hearing her say to stop what they were about to do, she wouldn’t want this to happen. This was the only voice telling Kris to stop though so they started.
Line after line after line, it was never deep enough to match how deep the guilt they felt. So they kept going and only stopped to go to their bed to stop the blood for a bit with the blanket. It was not a very long break though because the voices were still shouting, the memories were still flooding in. The nightmares were still crawling around their skull. So they continued yet again.
It wasn’t enough so they decided to make a tribute to her. With a knife DECEMBER was carved into their left arm and HOLIDAY into their right arm. Seeing the full name tortured them even more. Her name shouldn’t be allowed in this mess, she wouldn’t want this. So they got rid of it, more and more lines to cover up the mistake they just made. The mistake they always make, the mistake they made on that day, and the mistakes they continued to make afterwards.
Then it was no longer her face they were seeing anymore, it was the monster’s face. This monster deserved to be in this mess, carved in blood with the rest of it. The arms were already full though, blood dripping down and making a mess on the carpet. So they took their shirt off and started writing on their stomach. You'd think it’d be hard from the angle they were drawing this beast, but the image in their head was so strong that no mistake could be made. They carved the eyes, the ears, the smile. Oh how they carved the smile. They began to cry after carving the teeth, not from the pain, they were numb to it anyway, but from seeing it alive with blood yet again. This was a silent cry, but they wanted to scream, they wanted to shout for help, they wanted to shout for her. But she isn’t here anymore. They wept and wept and finally the smile was completed. They moved onto the body and then onto the part they so badly didn’t want to draw on themselves. The tail…
The way it looked was hypnotizing. Circle after circle until they finally carved the end of the pointed tail. Now the voices were quiet. Kris thought it over, just at least for tonight. Blood dripping down from their upper body, it was a mess. What would their mother think when she woke up, this terrified Kris, it had never gotten this bad before. No matter how much Kris felt numb to it, it still hurt. Every little move they made, ached. They couldn’t do anything, they didn’t want to scare anybody, so they just wept.
They went up to their bed to cry themself to bed once again until the voices came back. However, it wasn’t the normal voices, it was a single voice and it was coming from the carvings on their stomach. The monster was calling out to Kris once again. Against all reason, they started to listen, they picked up their knife once again, went to the center of their room, and started listening. However, it wasn’t something to be heard, only to be seen. They focused on it, they focused on this monster’s body and began to follow. Yet again, they began to follow the pointed tail. From their stomach, they made a straight line up and up with the knife to where the tail was pointing. This was agonizing, but the guilt still went too deep so they continued. Up and up and up and up until they reached their throat and that’s when they heard it. They heard the monster’s laugh once again. This time, however, she wasn’t here to take their place from the monster’s hypnotizing grasp.
A part of them didn’t want to listen to it, believing that maybe if they just waited a bit longer she would come and save them, but it was no use. The laughs grew louder and louder, it was a deafening sound. They wanted to cover their ears and scream, but all they did was hold the knife at their throat with a shaky hand. After each long second passed, the laughs only got louder and louder. Kris couldn’t take it anymore, the laughs will never go away though. So, they steadied their hand and with one swipe, slit their throat.
Finally, the silence they wanted was finally granted to them. They fell to the ground, their blood flooding the ground. Turning the angel on the carpet red with blood. For the first time since that fateful day, they can finally sleep peacefully.
It’s 5am in the Dreemurr home, Toriel awoke to get everything ready to begin the day. She opened the door to Kris’s room to see how well they were sleeping and that’s when she saw it. The pool of blood in the center of the room and the blood that was drying and covering Kris. She screamed, and tears began running down her face. She shook Kris, begging them to wake up, but there was no noise coming from them, only silence. She picked them up and started to run out of the house carrying their body. She ran to her car and started driving them to the hospital. She parked her car and ran into the hospital begging someone to help her. Screaming at the top of her lungs for someone to help her. These screams were so loud, it could be heard from the buildings over. This gathered a crowd, and each new person was a new shocked expression. They were gathering around Toriel, but the only person Toriel wanted to see was a doctor, but she knew deep down what the answer would be. She knows the ins and outs of humans, she has read the book on how to care for them over and over again. She knew that Kris was different from monsters. Kris had lost so much blood that a blood transfusion was needed for survival, but that wasn’t possible. Humans can only receive blood from other humans and no other humans are around. Kris was dead. Toriel couldn’t do anything, but crumble to the hospital floor and weep.
Being a teacher as well, Alphys knew the situation Kris was in so she went to the library and grabbed every book on humans she could find. That’s when she found a book seemingly in between the shelves, she had never seen it before, but it was on humans so she took it.
She ran back to the hospital dropping and picking back up books on the way back and she handed them all to Toriel. Toriel thanked Alphys and ran into the nearest hospital room with Kris and the books and locked the door to get rid of the noise of the crowd. Now it was just silent with her and Kris and everyone listening in.
She started reading the books as fast as she could, she knew most of them cover to cover so it was easy for her to skim through it. Then she got to a book she had never seen before. She slowed down to read it carefully and got to part talking about emergency transfusions.
“Although experimental, I believe I have found the way a human, if need be, can get the blood required for them to stay alive. This experiment explores inserting a soul into the human. This will pump blood through their entire body as a makeshift heart.”
Toriel kept reading and reading.
“How to start and complete this operation is as follows:
Take a syringe and insert it directly into the heart and pull some blood from it.”
Toriel looked around frantically and finally found a syringe and although hesitant stabbed her child in the heart with it. Kris didn’t move at all. She looked back down at the book for the next step.
“2. Open up the human’s chest and drip the blood from the syringe carefully close to the heart. Make sure the blood does not touch the heart or the transfusion won’t work. Also, make sure the dripping isn’t random, but instead in the shape of a heart as if you are recreating it.”
Toriel was very hesitant in doing this, but with Kris not breathing and the cut on their throat being so deep, she had no other option. She took a knife that was near her from the doctor’s cabinet and started opening up Kris’s chest. Once she got deep enough, she took the syringe and carefully followed the directions. Drip by drip, one mistake and Kris was dead. It felt like a year had gone by, but she finally had completed step 2 and she moved onto step 3.
“3. Now once the shape is drawn with blood, fill the inside of it completely with other blood samples from the human.”
Toriel did just that, carefully coloring inside of the lines so no mistake was made.
“4. Now I am a man of science so this was especially bizarre to me, but in all of my other experiments this was the only way that the soul can be inserted into the human. You must say ‘legna s’nevaeh’ three times for the soul to start forming.”
Toriel didn’t believe this at all, she thought she found a comedy book in a crisis like this, but again she was desperate so she had no choice. She said the words and went back to the book for the final step.
“5. Wait for the host. Unfortunately the host’s connection may not be strong enough, especially if the human is nearing death. With all of my experiments only 3 had the power to actually inhabit the soul, but none of them could move or talk with it which is why I have labeled this procedure as experimental. Only a host with a perfect connection can inhabit and move and talk through the human. Past these, I am afraid it is up to luck. I am doing countless research to find a way that is not a gamble and I believe I have found a.”
The book just ended there.
That was enough for Toriel though, and she sat up against the hospital door waiting. Then something amazing happened. The fresh scars that Kris had carved onto themselves were starting to miraculously heal. She was starting to cry tears of joy until fear struck her face. Kris started crying out in agony, there were sounds of bones cracking, the blood in their body sounded like an ocean, their heart beat kept getting faster and faster, and the first thing they said after getting resurrected was,
“Help”
Then it was just silent followed by Kris vomiting blood. Toriel got worried, but Kris simply just stood up and stared at Toriel. Toriel went over and hugged Kris, almost knocking them over in the process, while tears flooded her face in relief. Kris just stood there, unable to move their arms. They didn’t know why they were doing this, but they started going around looking at objects carefully and inspecting them. They tried to scream for help, but they couldn’t, they were stuck.
Toriel didn’t see anything wrong, but she knew that even if Kris didn’t say anything, she knew that Kris wouldn’t want anybody to know about this. Last time people saw their scars, Kris freaked out and stayed in their bedroom refusing to leave. Fearing that might happen, Toriel decided that she wouldn't escalate it further than it already was. This would also mean having to tell the people who did see to act like it didn’t happen. She asked Kris to stay in the room while she does something outside. Kris was so weak that they just wanted to lay down and listen to their mother’s request, but whatever was inside of them was fighting them. They tried and tried, but it was no use, it made them open the door and just stand outside of it while watching their mom.
Toriel explained to the bystanders that everything was alright and that for Kris’s own wellbeing that this is never to be talked about again. Everyone seemed to understand immediately. Everyone knew what Kris was trying to do and that they might try and do that again if people keep bringing it up to them.
Kris heard it all though, and they couldn’t do anything about it, they were simply trapped inside a body they couldn’t control. They didn’t even want to try talking, they were scared to. However whatever it was knew that Kris shouldn’t be there and moved back into the hospital room until Toriel came back.
Toriel hugged Kris again, told them that she loved them and took them by the hand and walked them to the car. The crowd that was once there was now back into their buildings.
It was a silent car ride home.
Once they finally got home, Toriel walked Kris to their room and tucked them into bed. She told them that she would scrub out all of the blood by morning and to just go to sleep before they have to go to wake up for school in a couple of hours.
Kris got a thought to either stay awake and help her or go to sleep and without even thinking twice about it, they were already falling asleep. Something else made that choice and Kris was forced to go to sleep in horror.