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Even if Steve had known that Chief Hopper was about to suddenly come back from the dead, even if he’d had some goddamn warning about that, he still doesn’t think he would have expected to burst into ugly, childish sobs the second he spots him.
It’s been a long day - long week and month and hell the last few years have been so fucking long - organising and folding clothes, smiling softly at every person who shuffled up to his table, handing over t-shirts and sweaters and trying not to notice the shame and desperation in their eyes. He wishes he had more clothes he could bring over himself, he’d empty his parent’s wardrobes if they hadn’t already done that, hadn’t sent some guys around as soon as news broke about the ‘earthquake’ and cleared out the house of anything valuable. Except Steve. They didn’t take Steve, so he guesses it’s a good thing he never would have expected them to.
So yeah, it’s been a long if rewarding day and all he really wants to do is pass out somewhere reasonably soft, but he bundles Robin and Dustin into his car and heads for the Chief’s old cabin which might be a mess but is far enough away from the centre of town that he thinks maybe they’ll all be able to forget for a little while just what an absolute shitshow their lives are right now.
Now that the Byers and El and Mike have shown back up, it feels a bit less like they’re all on their own, feels a bit more manageable than before. And that’s got nothing to do with El’s powers it’s just…yeah it’s been great spending time alone with Nancy again, and at some point he’s really going to have to think about that, about the looks and the smiles and the way his heart has started tripping in his chest again when she smirks at him, but there’s something about them all being back together that makes him almost believe they might stand a chance at pulling through. Even if one of them is still in the hospital.
Even if Dustin and Robin hadn’t been adamant about where they were heading now, he’d want to be at the cabin anyway, because they should all be together right now - everyone who can be anyway.
He’s almost managing to ignore the dust in the air, the ash and the way the plants are grey and rotten in a wider circle around the town than they were earlier. The Government will have some fancy set of words for it that’s complete bullshit, but Steve knows what this is, the rot and the evil that’s seeping out of the tears in Hawkins from the Upside Down.
He’s so tired, and so tired of being tired and scared, that he wants to scream. He bites the inside of his cheek and pulls the car up the long track to the cabin, no need to worry about secrecy and trip wires anymore.
No one’s outside when he gets the car in park, and Dustin and Robin jump out with about half their usual enthusiasm. He can see smoke coming out of the chimney and as they make it up the front steps his nose picks up the scent of something homecooked and hearty.
Dustin pushes open the door and Robin nearly trips over her feet and Steve is looking at her, gripping her shoulder to keep her upright, when he realises how still she’s suddenly got. How Dustin has stopped one foot inside the door and isn’t moving any further in.
Fear and terror and something like resignation tighten up the muscles in Steve’s back and he wishes he had his bat, but he looks up anyway, because nothing good ever comes of turning your face away in Hawkins, and takes a step to put himself in front.
He looks up and follows where Dustin and Robin are looking and…
And he sobs. It’s like his breath catches and his lungs try to force out the air they’re already holding all at the same time.
His hand drops off Robin’s shoulder and his stomach clenches so tight he nearly folds over in half but he doesn’t look away.
Not from the blue eyes that hold his own.
Hopper stands up from the chair and Steve sees the way he winces, how his body flinches like it hurts just to stand, and he's changed, the hair, the weight loss that’s obvious even though he’s wearing about three different jackets, the look in his eyes even as he smiles at Steve.
“Hey kid.” But his voice is the same and Steve doesn’t bite back the next sob, probably couldn’t even if he tried and between one moment and the next Hopper is there, palm curled over Steve’s shoulder and pulling him in and Steve goes.
Hopper tugs him into his body, still holding his shoulder with one hand, while the other slides over his head, fingers dragging through his hair like he’s looking for a bump or cuts and Steve might have laughed if he wasn’t crying again, because Hopper’s looking for injuries, because Steve has always got injuries, like every bad thing in this world and the other is always out to knock three shits out of Steve Harrington and they go for the head every single time.
But there’s nothing to find there, because this time it was vines around his neck and wrists and ankles and the danger wasn’t a bad punch or being thrown through a wall, it was something getting into his head and breaking his bones from the inside.
Hopper’s hand slides down until he’s cupping the back of Steve’s head, resting at the nape of his neck and he’s still being held right up tight to Hopper’s chest, and Steve can feel how much less of him there is, even under all the clothes and he doesn't want to make whatever else is under there worse - because how could there not be worse? Hopper was dead. He was dead and they had a funeral and El cried so much and Dustin held his hand the whole time, too quiet and clinging and Steve had looked at Jonathon and Will, holding their mom’s hands and he hadn’t been able to look at Mrs Byers because she had just looked so so small.
But Hopper doesn’t seem to care, not that Steve is probably hurting him, or that he’s crying like a baby, just holds him tight and close and Steve finally brings his arms up, wraps them around Hopper’s waist, fingers scrabbling at the back of his jacket and tangling into the material, knotting themselves into it like if he does that, if he just holds on then maybe everything will be okay again.
“It’s alright, kid.” The hand at his neck squeezes gently and it’s like it releases a dam or a lock or something, because Steve opens his mouth and he still can’t really breathe but he starts talking and it’s all in the wrong order and not quite there but he can’t seem to stop.
“I tried…I tried so hard. They wouldn’t leave it. And you were gone and Will and Mike…and all those kids kept dying and the police - they, it- you were gone…there was no one…no one to listen. I didn’t-…and Max and I didn’t know what to do. And they’re kids. Just, they’re just kids.”
Somehow Hopper manages to hold him even tighter, so that Steve thinks if he could breathe deeply right now he’d crack a rib, but it doesn’t hurt, and it’s nothing like the vines that held too tight.
“Shh, it’s alright. You did good, kid. You did real good.”
And the thing is, Steve has never really been close to the Chief. Not like El or even the Byers. For a while, before…everything, he’d be picked up by the Chief for smoking something he shouldn’t or drinking or noise complaints about one of his parties. And then when everything changed, they were always just sort of both there, but not, not together. Steve would be with the kids and Hopper would be going up against the Government or the Russians or investigating while Steve just tried to keep the kids from getting hurt.
And he hadn’t realised how much he needed that. Needed someone older and bigger who knew and cared and would put himself in the line of fire for all of them. A second line of defence so it wasn’t all Steve’s responsibility. So if Steve failed that wouldn’t just be it.
Steve hadn’t realised that the pressure and the terror could be so much worse, not until these last couple of days, when everything had fallen apart again and there was no one there.
So Steve clings to Hopper’s jacket and leans against his chest and doesn’t care that all the kids are probably staring at him right now, that Nancy and Jonathon are here and that stoner pizza guy. He just holds on because it’s not all on him anymore.
Hopper bends a little with a muffled grunt and then there’s lips pressing against the top of Steve’s head and Hopper’s fingers are moving back up into his hair and pressing his face even deeper into Hopper’s chest. Steve thinks; this is what El had, this is what she lost, this is what he doesn’t ever remember having.
“I’ve got you, kid. I’ve got you.”
And because he can now, because Hopper - Hopper who was dead - is here, holding him and telling him it’s okay, because it isn’t all on him anymore, Steve finally lets himself go.