Work Text:
Peter rolls off the couch with an ‘oof’ sound. Natasha doesn't bat an eye at him, Steve and Bucky just stare at him, Clint and Harley trying not to laugh, and Tony just walks through the door.
“Why is the spider-child on the floor?” The taller brunette asked. “I’m bored, Mr. Stark!” Peter says, dragging out the “o”. “How about we play a game of un-” “NO” Clint cuts off Steve before he could finish the word.
“Steve I have to agree with Clint, playing uno with both Tony and Peter will end up horribly” Natasha added on to the conversation. “Hey” Peter and Tony both said looking like kicked puppies.
“What's so wrong with playing uno with me?” Peter asked, looking around the room, no one wanted to answer. So Harley tells him “Darling you know I love you with all my heart but..” he adds on with “you somehow manage to win every game make it unfair for all the old people”
“Excuse me” every adult in the room except for Nat and Wanda (& Vision) says in unison.
“I mean it's true” Wanda states with a smug look on her face.
“I'm pretty sure he meant you too,” Clint says, still pouting like a child.
“Mmm no we're only talking about you, the mechanic, birdy brain, the ancients, and jolly green.” The blonde starts.
“ And Thor doesn't count and Loki in human years he’s 19 so Wanda's age.” Peter adds in to Harley Statement.
“Wait, why doesn't Thor count?” Tony asked
“He's a god,” Bruce says subconsciously. “just a guess.” He adds on before he gets verbally attacked.
“Okay as fun as this conversation was, I'm still bored.” Peter announces over the chaos.
A beat of silence passes. Finally someone spoke up “How about we play Put a finger down and/or as some call it Never have i ever?”
“Harley, that might just be an even worse game than uno… I'm in.” Natasha responded with a smug look on her face
“If Nats in, I'm in. ” Clint jumps off where he's sitting on the chair and sits on the floor. “Of course you are Clint.” Peter joked.
......0_o......
Two minutes into the game Steve has up 9 fingers,
Bucky, Tony and Bruce have 4 fingers, Peter, Nat, Wanda have up all 10 and Harley has up 8. “Ok What the fuck it's been 2 minutes and i only have 4 fingers left” Tony shouts.
“Maybe because you were a badass kid.” Clint mumbles. Peter looked up at him trying to withhold his laughter knowing he wasn't supposed to hear that.
“Language both of you.” Captain Stars and Stripes exclaimed, looking back and forth between them.
“Can we please continue the game?” Wanda asks, everyone stops talking.(damn you scared of a 19yo old girl with powers yikes.)
“Ok i'll go next, never have I ever: taken to much cold medicine because it was expired and” she does air quotes and adds ‘not strong enough’” she side eyes Peter “then come and crash at the foot of my bed”
“Pete, please tell me you didn't” Tony asked with concern. The Spider-kid refuses to look at him.
“Wait, I thought you couldn't get sick,” Pepper asked from the kitchen, making herself known , making everyone jump, not knowing she was there.
Harley finally spoke up after the scare that Pep gave everyone except Peter. (weirdo) “1: Pep, when did you get here, 2 yes, yes he did, and 3, no he can't get sick, but he can get lightly poisoned which feels like a cold to him.”
Peter looks personally offended by the end of his boyfriend's speech. “Hey you still ain't put that finger down!” Clint Acknowledges from the kitchen, now looking through the fridge. Peter slowly but surely put a finger down leaving him with 9.
“Ok,ok my turn never have i ever: been kidnapped” Steve starts watching as everyone put a finger down look at him confused, he then continues “and instead of trying to escape, bullies and annoy the kidnappers” everyone but Tony, Peter and Harley lifts their fingers up.
“This isn't fair, they shouldn't be dumb enough to kidnap Iron Man like the first 10 thousand times.” Tony starts.
“Exactly because if you can't get to Iron Man why are you going after his son like that better” Peter goes on.
“ Right, that just makes you a living joke right there, so now that you took me your gonna listen to my gen z ass humor.”
“LaNgUaGe” Bucky manages to get out before Steve does, this causes everyone including Pepper who’s still watching this game from the kitchen. “Ok, ok it was a slip up” Steve insisted. “ Yeah, a slip up that you still say to this day huh?” Clint asked, not being able to tell if he's genuinely confused or not.
“Well since we're using this game to target people,” Natasha starts “ never have I have: allow the public believe that I adopted a kid.”
Clint and Tony reluctantly accepted their truths and put down a finger. “That's not fair, she's like 22 and-” “You're old we get it.” Nats expresses cutting Clint off before he he starts a ‘Parker Rant ™’
“I am not old, I'm young!” The bird themed hero announces to the whole room making sure everyone hears him. A beat passes Clint still sitting in his spot pouting like a kid who just got told they could eat ice cream for breakfast before school, Nat looks at him then to Bruce who then turn to Wanda who looks to Steve who looks to Peter who look up from from his boyfriend lap at Harley who looks at Tony who looks at Buck who turn to Pepper who's now on the loveseat and finally looks back at the who started this weird game of a staring contest.
Mama Pepper put on her sweet mommy voice and told him “Clint, if you don't stop pouting like my 6 year old daughter, I'm gonna treat you like one.” At that moment everybody in the room froze, before snapping their heads to Clint, who looked like he was 3 seconds away from shitting his pants. “Sorry Pep” muttered out loud enough for her to hear.
“Ok not that most of the room is scared of Mum let's continue.” Peter finally speaks out after the weird scary tension. “And can we target someone else now that I have 2 fingers left?” Tony asks, narrowing his eyes with confusion not wanting to lose.
Bucky takes this as an opportunity to target one of the team members closest to him. “Never have I ever: set a gay man up on a date with a woman?” Everyone knew exactly who he was talking about and that man was speaking about the Black Widow herself.
“This is actually unfair once again, can we go back to targeting Stark?” hissed out not just at Bucky but at everyone.
“How was I supposed to know Mr. Big Strong Golden Boy All Great and Righteous was a homosexual?” Nat looks around the room waiting for an answer. “Exactly!”
“I mean she’s got a point.” Clint started. “Bro was born in the 30s where being gay was a damn crime.” Nat gives him a grateful nod for his help.
“See, even the idiot agrees,” Clint looks a little betrayed. The redhead continues “Like how was i supposed to know that the Captain America and the Sergeant Barnes were fucking?” Natasha finishes her statement looking absolutely pissed.
“ Nat, there's children present”. Steve cringed at how professional he sounded. While she was just staring at him as if he was a deer staring into head lights. “Yeah, children, two 18 year olds who have probably given more blowjobs to each than you have Barnes".
After this 'major lore drop' the room broke out into laughter. As everyone but the said teens were laughing they decided this would be a great chance to hurry and get out of the common room.
......0_o......
After (can't even say creeping they just up and left)
leaving their chaotic family in the living room 2 floors down from total humiliation, and making out in the elevator on their way upstairs, they finally made it to Harley's room.
Peter doesn't even wait for his boyfriend; he just walks in his room. “Harls this might be the cleanest state I've ever seen your room in”. He admits, taking in the room, comparing it to when he last saw it.
Harley walks in completely and closes the door behind him taking a seat on his bed while Peter's leaning up against the wall across from him. “I don't appreciate the way you're undermining my ability to keep my room clean.” Peter just gives him a knowing look. Harley just gives into the non-existing pressure and admits “Ok fine, I couldn't find my Starkpad earlier so I cleared my whole room just for it to be right under my blanket.”
Peter just walks over to him with a smile on his face and sits on his lap facing him. Harley starts to turn a bright pink. Peter takes this as his chance to tease Harley for once. “Aw your blushing.” Harls quickly whips his head to the side “Shut up, no I'm not”
Parker does not in fact shut up; he in fact keeps going. “My poor baby, getting a hard on from a little teasing are we now” Peter really testing how far he can go before breaking his partner. He drags his hands up the slightly older boy's torso, to head his men's chin and relocate his focus back on him.
“Keener look at me” The blonde finally gives in and looks at his grinning boyfriend. “Aww look at you, pretty Keener,” As he says this he had to get up and walk to the door "anyways i'm going to the lab.” He then proceeds to walk out the door. Leaving the blonde sitting there in utter shock.