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“Fuck I’m so sorry” he breathed when he saw Simon’s face through the doorway. Simon was standing there, looking for all the world like he wanted to be anywhere else, holding the door open for him. Him, who had done nothing to deserve even a glance from the boy in front of him. The look on Simon’s face—one of hopelessness—made Wilhelm’s stomach turn. How could he have been so stupid?
Wilhelm finally stepped through the doorway into the threshold of the apartment. The apartment where he had more good memories than bad, where he made some of his closest friends, and where he became more and more deeply infatuated every day. But more importantly was the boy in front of him. This beautiful boy whom he had hurt in a way he’d never forgive himself for, who’d shown him what acceptance really felt like, who’d loved him. But unless by some impossible miracle Simon decided to forgive him, that would all be over. Wilhelm gazed at Simon. Those brown eyes that he was so used to seeing shine with mischief were dull and downcast. Because of him. Then and there Wilhelm swore to himself that the world would end before he caused Simon to be like this ever again. Suddenly he could no longer bear the silence, leaden with tension and uneasiness.
“I…” he started to say, trailing off immediately. He was feeling so much, but his feelings felt too big, too intense, for just words. Wilhelm fell to his knees in front of Simon, his hands coming to the back of Simon’s thighs, then his hips, where the rested. He looked up at the boy before him, his heart filled with regret and sadness and love. He tried speaking again, his sentences coming out choppy. “I know what I said was wrong. It was horrible, and I am so, so sorry.” He sniffed, trying to hold in the sobs making their way up his throat. “I could never even dream of saying anything like that ever again. Excuses are cheap, and I know that, so, just please, let me make it up to you.” Wilhelm kept eye contact with Simon the entire time. He could feel the tears falling down his face, and he saw the same wetness in Simon’s eyes too. “Fuck, please Simon, Baby, just please, let me be yours again.” He whispered the last part, fearing that if he spoke too loud the moment would shatter and he would lose the best thing in his life. For once in his life, Prince Wilhelm couldn’t read the expression in Simon’s eyes. Wilhelm let his head fall forward, resting his forehead against Simon’s stomach. He could feel the other boy breathing. His breaths, though uneven and hitched, were comforting. He sniffed, and closed his eyes. He was terrified to look back up at Simon. He was terrified to see the closed off look that Simon got when someone betrayed him directed at him.
“Wille…” Simon muttered, so quiet Wilhelm almost didn’t hear it. Wilhelm felt two warm hands cup his face and angle it upwards so he was looking Simon right in the eyes. His big, beautiful brown eyes, shiny with tears. It was then that Wilhelm’s mind became—not blank—but simply so full of the love he had for Simon that everything else was reduced to background noise. The love he had for him was intoxicating. The threat of losing him demoted him to a crying, snivelling little boy who couldn’t even sleep because he was so worried. He felt the fingers on his face gently brush away his tears. It was no use, Wilhelm’s eyes were opened floodgates by now. “I…” he hesitated, looking away briefly. He looked back at Wilhelm with determination. “I love you.”
Isn’t it peculiar how three little words can have so much meaning behind them? One simple little phrase with the power to tame seas and level cities. But most importantly, with the power to accept.
Before Wilhelm could think about it, Simon pulled his face up to his own and planted his lips firmly over Wilhelm’s. Wilhelm stood fully, wrapping his arms around Simon as tight as he could. He tried to pour all of his unspeakable emotions into the kiss. He couldn’t tell if it worked or not, but he could sense Simon was trying to do the same thing. When their lips parted, their eyes met in a dance of ‘really?’ and ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’.
“I don’t deserve you” Wilhelm whispered, still holding Simon as tight as he could, determined never to let him go.
“Yes you do” Simon muttered, threading his hands through Wilhelm’s hair. “You just proved it.”