Chapter Text
The music roars loud throughout the entire house. Lights strobe as what seems like the entire student body moves to the beat.
It’s too hot, Percy decides. There are too many people dancing and drinking and kissing and—ew. Participating in heavy sexual intercourse on Connor’s couch.
Mrs. Stoll would not be pleased if she ever found out about the twin’s ultimate rager. Percy can’t imagine ever throwing a party like this in his own home.
He almost regrets coming at all, but he knows being here is important to the brothers. They’d both gotten into UBuffalo on tennis scholarship, so Connor and Travis’s party is means for celebration.
Still, Percy feels too sticky. He feels like he’s suffocating in teenage filth. He’ll throw up if he watches saliva exchange between another couple.
He gets into the kitchen and tries to rest a little. Maybe his head will stop spinning in the next 5 minutes. He doubts it, but pessimism will only make things worse, so he imagines he jumps out the nearest window. For once, he lets out a tiny smile.
He leans his elbows on the counter and rubs his fingers over his temples. Everything is so loud.
The Stolls are lucky he loves them because otherwise, he wouldn’t have come.
Now that they were all seniors, talks of the future and college grew so much more serious. It seemed a pipe dream for Percy to even scrape an F out of English. Now, he might end up at Stanford.
Who knew swimming would become his ticket to success?
Percy is set for his future and, in theory, he should feel like Connor. And Travis, who he’d just seen celebrating in the living room, twerking on the table.
If so many people weren’t here, Percy would’ve joined him. He kind of wants to just let loose and cry because he’s just so unhappy.
He can’t tell you why or how. He just isn’t happy. He’s been feeling like this for a while too.
Even though his mom is happy and in love and expecting. Even though his family is expanding and thriving. Even though his path is clear.
Of course, Percy is grateful for it all. He knows how hard everyone’s worked just so Percy could get to experience life at its fullest.
He knows. And yet, when he lies in bed every night, he feels empty. It’s insane because who in the world feels like they’re missing something when they’re pushing 18? He’s barely even been alive for two full decades.
He just doesn’t know what to do.
A loud crash interrupts his thoughts. Percy lets out a groan. That’s it. He’s going to bid his friends goodbye and dip within the next 2 minutes. He really cannot stand it in here right now.
Just as Percy is about to turn, though, he feels a soft hand on his shoulder. He turns to face a head full of curly, red hair.
Her eyes stare into his curiously, the blue irises almost matching his own.
“Percy?”
He swallows. “Hey, Rach.”
“I’ve been looking for you for like, ten minutes. Are you okay?”
His girlfriend places a hand on his arm and tries to comfort him, but it doesn’t work. Percy averts his gaze.
His relationship with Rachel had begun maybe a month ago, at the start of November.
When she’d asked him out, he said yes. He was hoping to fill in the gap he felt within himself. Who better to date than the artsy girl who likes the same things as he did?
Unfortunately, he very quickly realized that their relationship wasn't what he needed. The two didn’t really connect past talking about movies or music. The few times they kissed, he’d felt almost nothing.
Percy’s not fully sure why she’d asked him out in the first place.
Rachel continues rubbing his arm, but it somehow increases the temperature in the house. The strobing lights are blinding him.
Percy gently removes his arm from her grasp. She frowns.
“I’m fine,” he lies.
She pushes hair away from her face. “I actually wanted to talk to you. About…us.”
Oh brother, he thinks. Percy almost laughs to himself. No way is he about to get dumped in this hellhole of a party when all he can smell is straight weed. No way. It’s too hot for this.
He leans against the counter. “What’s up?”
Rachel presses her lips together. “I think I want to break–”
Suddenly, a girl bustles into the kitchen and grabs Rachel’s arm. “Rachel! Miranda is totally killing karaoke right now, come watch!”
As she drags Rachel out the kitchen, the red-head turns back. “But–”
“No!” the girl yells. Percy thinks her name is Meg. “This is a once in a lifetime experience, that girl never wants to sing.”
Their voices trail off as Percy waves them goodbye.
At least that was over.
He really wants to go home, but he’s also willing to bet that even if he does leave, he’ll discover someone’s vomit trailing into the driveway. Percy is not in the mood for stepping over chunks of regurgitated goulash.
He sighs. Leaving the kitchen, he bumps into bustling shoulders and marches up the stairs. He didn’t even realize he was holding his breath until he’d reached the top. The first half of the second floor is lit by a single lamp.
Making his way into Connor’s room, Percy exhales in relief. The room is dark when he closes the door, the lack of light making the room seem cooler. He almost flops onto the bed and falls asleep.
Connor would understand.
When Percy sits on the edge of the bed, he breathes in the cool air and exhales. He leans and lies on his back. What a fucking day.
Everything is happening so fast. He can’t even process what’s happening right now. Percy closes his eyes to shut out thoughts along the lines of college, Rachel, and anything that’s stressing himself out.
He lies there for what seems like hours, but when he peeks one eye at the clock on the bedside table, he realizes it’s only been around 15 minutes.
Percy groans. This party will definitely last past midnight. His car is probably blocked anyway, so he’d really have to walk home if he’s serious about leaving.
He plays around with the idea of actually jumping out the window. Connor’s room is not that high up, so he could probably stick a safe landing. In fact, he could probably even–
Click
The sound of the doorknob turning immediately sends Percy into alert. He sits up straight and prepares himself to see a couple sticking their tongues down each other’s throats.
Oh my gosh.
He’s ready to leave right now. He’s halfway standing when a person walks through the door. Percy can’t really see the stranger’s face, but he’s willing to guess he has them beat by more than a couple of inches.
“Oh shit,” the person says. Their voice comes out hoarse, but not deep. They almost sound…feminine. “I’m so sorry.”
Definitely feminine. The girl moves to close the door again, but clearly she came upstairs for a reason. Maybe for the same reason he did: to catch a break.
Percy decides to leave and let her stay.
“Don’t go.” He calls.
She stops.
He rubs at his neck. “I’m about to dip anyway, but you can stay.”
“I…okay,” she says cautiously. “But you don’t have to leave either. You were in here first.”
“It’s fine. I can go to Trav’s room.”
The mystery girl closes the door, finally eliminating all traces of the outside world. “Trav?”
“Yeah. You don’t know him?”
She moves to sit across from Percy on the floor, leaning against the dresser in front of the bed. “No. I only started talking to Connor recently. I’m assuming that’s his brother?”
Percy nods. He feels weird sitting up on the bed while she looks up at him to speak. He moves to sit in front of her on the ground, but instantly worries if he’s making her uncomfortable.
“I really can go if you want,” he says. “It’s not a hassle.”
Looking at her face, Percy can make out the shape of her hair and face. It’s so dark—he can’t distinctly see her features, but he can feel their knees slightly knocking against each other every time he breathes.
She snorts. “Believe it or not, I would take you up on that offer if this room weren’t the only one available. People are playing a full game of cup pong on someone's bed.”
Percy laughs at her deadpan. “That’s probably Travis’ room.”
“Poor Travis.”
They fall into silence for a couple minutes.
“It’s so cool in here. Is there a window open?” she asks.
Knowing Connor, Percy answers. “Probably. Want me to close it?”
“No. It’s doing wonders for this headache.”
He lets out a soft, ha. “It’s like a jungle down there.”
“Isn’t it? Felt like I was dying.”
Mysterious, vague, stranger, girl-woman shakes her head. Percy doesn’t know what to call her, so he settles with Bun because that's what the silhouette of her hair looks like.
He deeply inhales the cool air, exhaling slowly. He still feels weird, even though he’s sitting at her level, directly across from her.
“Are you sure you’re okay with my being here?”
Bun draws her knees together and tilts her head against them. “I usually wouldn’t be. But this really is the only room that’s free. Plus, I don’t mind sharing as long as you’re not a creep or an asshole.”
Percy laughs. She hasn’t really made a joke, but for some reason he finds what she says funny.
“I promise I’m not a creep or an asshole.”
She nods and drops her head between her knees. Percy looks up at the ceiling. He doesn’t mind sharing with her either. Probably because she doesn’t reek of booze.
“So,” he starts. “How do you know Connor?”
“We met in statistics.”
Percy brows shoot up. “Like AP Stats? That’s insane.”
“I’m good with numbers. Are you in class with us?”
He looks down at her, her head still tucked away. “Nah, not enough brains for that. So you’re a senior?”
“What is this, 20 questions?” Bun looks up and again, rests her head against her knees. Her shoes are mere inches away from his legs. “You didn’t mention you were so nosy.”
Percy blushes. He’s grateful she can’t see. “Sorry.”
He must sound defeated because then, Bun lightly taps her foot against his leg. “Hey. I’m joking.”
Percy’s gaze flitters down to where she’d just touched him. He looks back up and mirrors her position, arms crossed over his knees where he lays his head.
Bun nods. “I’m a senior.”
Percy frowns. Her voice doesn't sound familiar. “I feel like I’ve never met you before. Do I know you?”
“Probably not. I also lost my voice the other day, so I don’t really sound like how I usually would.”
“How’d you lose your voice?”
“Got sick.”
“How come you think we probably don’t know each other?”
“You definitely haven’t seen me around.”
“Why–”
Bun kicks at his shin, a little harder this time. “Hey!”
Percy smiles at her reaction to his teasing. She laughs a little, and it’s the first time he’s heard it since they’ve spoken.
She shifts into a more casual position. A knee out while one stays up. One of her arms rest on the raised knee. “What about you? You’re a senior?”
“Yeah. It feels like I was 5 yesterday and now, poof.” He mimes an explosion. “I’m almost a legal adult.”
Bun nods. “I get it. Time flies.” A beat of silence. “Have you decided on where you’re going for college?”
Percy keeps the ego out of his tone. Not that he’s full of himself, but he’s proud of the work he and his mom made in efforts to better his future. “I’m going to Stanford.”
“That’s amazing!” Bun exclaims. She sounds genuinely happy for him, and Percy appreciates it.
“Thanks.”
Percy’s voice is curt. The breeze coming through the window cools his blush. He’s a little embarrassed now.
Bun tilts her head after a few beats. “You don’t want to go?”
Percy holds her gaze. “‘Course I do. I got super lucky.”
The way she stares makes Percy feel like he’s being analyzed. “You didn’t get lucky, you worked for it. What did you do?”
“I swim.”
Bun rears her head back. “So you're good enough to swim for a D1 college, but you think you were chosen because of…luck?”
Percy runs his fingers through his hair and rubs a hand over his jaw. He doesn’t want to talk about this. “What about you? Where are you going?” He asks.
If Bun notices the deflection, she doesn't say anything. She continues to stay silent, until she speaks again.
“I…I haven’t heard anything back from anywhere yet.” Bun says this like it’s a shame, which makes no sense to Percy. She has until January for early action and will still be able to apply to colleges thereafter.
“That's not crazy, right?” she asks. “It’s still only December?”
Percy nods his head. “Yeah, definitely. Are you checking your mail?”
In another universe where he could see her face, she’d be staring at him blankly. Percy almost laughs.
“Checking mail for letters that might decide my future? Nah.”
Her tone is dry again, laced with deadpan. So sarcastic, this one. He doesn’t think she realises how hilarious she’s being.
And in any case, facing college rejection seems like something that shouldn’t be a reality for her. She’s sure to be accepted into any school of her choosing.
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” he says. “You seem really smart.”
Bun scoffs. “You barely know me.”
“It’s a vibe I’m getting.”
He imagines she rolls her eyes. They’d be good friends if they knew each other, he decides. Their conversation is easy and chill.
“Do you catch vibes with every stranger you meet in Connor’s room?” She asks.
He shakes his head. “Only when we’re both escaping the hellhole that is downstairs.”
Percy hears Bun laugh again and feels this random surge of pride. He gets the feeling that she’s not one to laugh at just anything, so he’s honored by his ability to make her smile.
She settles further against the dresser. “What’s your story, anyway? Why’d you come up here?” Bun places her hand on her forehead, moving her fingers in circular motions.
Percy tilts his head. “Is the headache getting worse?”
She lightly shakes her head. “It’s getting a little better.”
Percy frowns. Because of the way he was raised, he doesn't like seeing people hurt or sick. He wonders what he can do to make her feel better.
"Can I do anything to help you?”
“Really?” Bun asks. “You’d help some random stranger with their headache?”
Percy tuts, almost reprimanding her. “You’re not a random stranger, you’re my best friend. And I did tell you I wasn’t an asshole.”
Bun laughs softly. Instead of kicking his shin, she lightly punches his arm. “Just answer my question, man. Stop deflecting.”
Percy punches her arm back. The fabric of her shirt is soft when it briefly contacts his knuckles. There's a light tingle that spreads in his hand, but he can’t understand what it means. Maybe he’s shocked himself.
Bun stares silently as Percy remembers to answer her question. He looks at her, biting his lip while considering his next words. “Aside from wanting to be away from all the craziness, my girlfriend just broke up with me downstairs. I needed space to just…not think.”
They don’t say anything else for a couple of beats.
“I’m sorry,” Bun says.
Percy shakes his head. “We only dated for a month. We couldn't connect on a deeper level and that’s why we broke up. I think I saw her as more of a friend, really.”
Bun shakes her head in confusion. “So why ask her out?”
“She asked me out.”
He can sense her eye roll when she says, “Why say yes?”
Why say yes?
Her question is something he hasn’t really asked himself before. Percy’s afraid to answer. He feels like this is a test and as usual, he doesn’t know what the right or smartest answer is.
“Hello?” Bun calls. “You in there?”
Percy sighs. “I honestly don’t want to think about it right now. I say too much in my head and then I just end up confusing myself.”
Bun nods. “I understand. But maybe if you think out loud, I can help you understand.”
He considers this. He switches over to her side of the room and leans against the dresser. He’s seated right next to her. When he looks at her for any sign of discomfort, she scoots closer. Their legs, one again, touch.
“Only if you tell me why you’re here,” he says.
Now that he’s closer, Percy can hear her take in a deep breath.
“Fine,” she says. “But you go first.”
Nodding his okay, he leans his head back and looks up at the ceiling fan, summoning the courage to talk about his real feelings to someone who isn’t Grover or his mom.
“My life,” he starts, “has been like a series of ups and downs since I was little. I’ve had rough moments, but through it all my mom’s been there to support me. Ever since last year everything’s just been going really well.”
“My parents are expecting, I got into a great college, my athletic performance is stronger and everyone I love is healthy. And I’m so grateful for these things. So, so grateful.”
He stops talking, weighing his words. How can he explain this?
Bun nudges him after a few beats of silence. “But…?”
“But…I wake up and smile everyday just to come back home at night and wonder why the hell I still feel like I’m missing something.”
Percy sticks his tongue over his teeth before looking back down at Bun. She thinks about what he’s said before nodding.
“That’s why you agreed to date your ex. Because you felt like a relationship was the thing you were missing.”
She says this like it's something she'd already knew, shocking Percy by how quickly she’d figured that out. Is he that obvious?
“How’d you know?” He asks.
“I’m pretty perceptive,” she answers. “Tell me more.”
Percy shakes his head. “It’s your turn.”
Bun turns her head to face him. She brings a hand to her temple and rubs. “My head just hurts.”
He frowns, fully turning his body to sit in front of her. “What can I do to help you?”
“Stop trying to play nurse, I–”
“I’m not trying to play nurse. Best friends, remember? I don’t like sitting around watching people in pain.”
Bun takes this information in. She stops rubbing and moves to sit in front of him, too.
“This really bothers you? I’ll be fine,” she reassures.
He rolls his eyes. “It’s the least I can do."
She seems to accept this and nods. “Can I feel your hands? I want to see if they’re cold.”
Percy holds his hands over her lap, waiting for her instruction. When her hands wrap around his, Percy feels a faint tug at his chest. Bun’s hands are warm and rough.
She immediately pulls away, leaving Percy’s body to miss the soft pressure of her fingers around his.
“So cold,” Bun notes. “Can you turn your hands?”
Percy flips his palms over.
“No.” She leans down closer to make sure she’s seeing right. “Sideways.”
“Like karate?” He brings his hands to her eye level as she laughs. His palms face each other, each finger parallel to one another.
Bun grabs his hands again. She moves them apart and places Percy’s fingers on each of her temples. Her body relaxes as he massages.
When she sighs, Percy smiles. He remembers doing this for his mom when he was younger. Percy’s hands were always cold during the winter, so he made for an excellent masseuse.
“Feels good?” he asks.
“Yep. Amazing.”
He chuckles, rubbing circles into her soft skin. They stay silent for a little bit, until Percy asks her to tell him about her life.
He knows nothing about Bun and her mysterious endeavors. For best friends, he feels as though he should know more, so he tells her just that.
“Well,” she starts. “I have siblings. I have…a parent. My grades are excellent.”
Percy doesn’t doubt that last part, but…“Anything else?”
Bun looks at him softly. “I’m not all that happy either.”
His rubs slow as he nods, encouraging her to continue.
“Life at home is shit, and I’m at this party because I couldn’t stand being in my house for two more seconds.”
Percy stops altogether, brows furrowed in confusion. “What happened?”
Bun shakes her head. “That doesn’t matter,” she says passively. “What matters is getting out and making something of myself.”
Getting out of what? Percy wants to ask. He is filled with concern for the girl sitting in front of him. It’s sudden, but it feels right. He keeps rubbing circles into her temples.
Voice determined, she continues. “I’ll keep pushing through the pain just to get what I want. What I know I deserve, you know?”
Actually, Percy doesn’t know. He’s not sure about what he deserves and whatnot. However, pushing through hardship is something he does get, so he nods anyway. Her self-assurance is admirable.
Bun brings her hands up to Percy’s and removes them from her face. She holds them between their bodies, like she’s trying to tell him a hard truth.
“Anyway, this brings me to my point. Everyday, I wake up and frown at the sun. Everything in my life has been going down a constant hill, and every time I think I’ve finally hit rock bottom, I keep sinking.”
Her voice falters. Percy’s heart breaks for this wonderful stranger he’s met in Connor’s room. He doesn’t know her, but he wants to so he can have the right to take away her pain.
His body moves on its own as he removes his hands from her grasp and brings them up to cup her cheeks. It’s like a reflex he didn’t know he had. Percy doesn’t even know why he’s doing it.
For some reason, he just doesn’t feel comfortable knowing she’s hurting.
“You should not have to live this way,” he says. “I’m so–”
Bun shakes her head. “No!” she yells frantically. “Don’t be sorry, that’s not why I’m saying this.”
Percy scrunches his brows. He’s embarrassed he’s reacting so dramatically, but he’s itching to make her feel better.
“You think you’re not smart.” Bun continues. “You think you got into Stanford because you’re lucky. You were willing to leave this room when I got here, even though you were in here first.”
What?
“You keep putting my comfort over your own. Did you ask yourself once if you were comfortable with my being here?”
Percy tilts his head. “No, I don’t—”
She looks up and considers her next words. He lets go of her face, embarrassed, again, with all the frantic touching.
Bun looks back down, into his eyes.
“You are missing something,” she says. “You’re missing a relationship with yourself.”
Their knees are still crossed in front of each other as Percy goes still. Is he really so self-deprecating that she noticed in 20 minutes?
Or is she just perceptive enough to point out the things that Percy can’t even admit to himself. The fact that he’s not allowing himself to be happy because he truly, in his heart of hearts, doesn’t think he deserves it.
Maybe that’s really been the issue all along.
Bun keeps pressing.
“And it makes me sad because you’re one of the most thoughtful people I’ve met since I got here.”
Percy shakes his head in disbelief. All he did was ask her a few questions about herself and help with her headache. No way that’s 'one of the most' anyone’s ever done for her. No way.
Rising questions bubble up his throat as he swallows them down, but one manages to slip out.
“Who are you?”
The room is silent, save for the breeze softly blowing through the window. Percy blinks in wonder.
Wondering how he can feel so seen, so known by someone he’s never met. How he can feel so protective over a person he can’t even see. How he can feel so connected to a soul he’s never even touched.
Suddenly, the door bursts open, a slurred voice yelling, “Yo, Percy! Dude, we need you for charades.”
For a devastating second, Micheal’s voice echoes throughout the room. The intrusion from the outside world seems to remind Bun of her surroundings as she stiffens.
Percy imagines her eyes widening.
“Percy? You’re Percy Jackson?”
He scrunches his brows, wondering what has her so spooked. He’s pissed at Micheal for interrupting their conversation.
“Yes, but–”
The sound of an alarm blares from an unknown source. Bun reaches to her side desperately and pulls out her phone. The time reads 11:40.
“Fuck,” she mutters. “I have to go.”
Go? Percy watches as she stands abruptly, the sound of a rough clink hitting the floor. She must’ve dropped something, but Percy doesn’t really pay attention because she is leaving.
It doesn’t actually hit him until her back is turned to his face.
He can’t see her at all. The hall upstairs is also dark.
“Hey, wait!” He exclaims.
Micheal opens the door wider for Bun’s exit. In the moment, Percy really fucking hates him for letting her leave so quickly.
He rushes out the room, ignoring Micheal’s laughter as he speeds down the stairs and is met with a sea of bodies.
The music is somehow even louder and the lights are somehow more bright. The number of people has to have multiplied because downstairs is hotter than ever.
Percy’s chest is hit with a pang. There’s no way for him to know who Bun is because he doesn’t know what she looks like. He was only able to roughly guess her height and maybe the style of her hair.
She could be anyone.
He tries to push through the bodies of people and reach the front door. He moves with a vengeance because suddenly, he needs to get back to her. He must know who she is.
It takes 10 minutes to get across the living room. Random people give him daps, high fives, and smiles, all eagerly awaiting his attention—though he'd rather have his attention elsewhere.
By the time he reaches the door, he knows, in his heart, that she’s long gone. Still, he opens the door anyway and is met with nothing but the same breeze that had intertwined their spirits.
The dark of the night consumes him.
She’s gone.
When Percy turns around and closes the door, he bumps into Leo, who greets him with a wide smile.
“Come on, man. We’ve been looking for you.”
He nods. “Charades–yeah. I got it.”
Percy sighs.
As the games bleed into the night, Percy feels a renewed sense of purpose. He will work on his ‘something missing’ and find Bun to thank her for helping him realize what it truly was: himself.
Then, he’ll unload her burdens and show her what she showed him: what it means to be seen.
::
Later, when Percy goes back into Connor’s room, he flicks on the light. He tries to remember why he’s come up again, but he knows it's only because he thinks Bun might be back.
She’s not there, just as he’d rationalized. He still hoped, though.
However, just as Percy is about to leave, the shine of something tiny catches Percy’s eye. When he goes to pick it up, he realizes that it's in the exact spot where Bun sat earlier.
Right where he’d heard that clink as she hastily ran off.
She’d left behind her college ring.