Chapter Text
Shane Hollander spends a lot of time pitying his coworkers. It’s bad having to deal with Rozanov’s endless teasing and bickering firsthand, but he can imagine it’s worse to be an innocent bystander.
It’s 9 in the morning, and he and most of his coworkers - around 10 people filling the office - have already been working for an hour when Ilya Rozanov bursts into the room. The latter always arrives later than everyone else but tends to stay longer in the afternoon, so it’s fine. Shane doesn’t care about that.
Here we go again. Shane thought.
“Good morning, my beautiful people, how are we feeling today?” Ilya exclaims loudly as he takes off his coat to hang it on the rack.
Wyatt accepts Ilya’s outstretched fist bump and replies. “Beautiful Tuesday, man.”
“Wonderful,” Ilya turns back to face the full small office again, “I have fun fact of the day!”
Shane, still keeping his attention on his computer screen, hears an exasperated Hayden Pike mutter out a “Jesus fucking christ” across from him and laughs silently to himself. At least he’s not the only one irritated by the mere presence of Rozanov.
“The state of Wyoming only has two escalators!”
“No. There’s no actual way.” Troy calls from the back of the room, while Ilya proudly looks for reactions, as if he has just invented a new world wonder.
“It is. I only speak truth.” Ilya winks at Troy before slandering across the office to take his designated seat next to Shane.
“What a delight, Hollander.” He nods at Shane’s mug.
“How many coffees have you had today?” He asks, simply because Shane refuses to start a conversation with him and opens up his laptop to prepare for work.
“This is the third one”, Shane replies flatly, which pulls a groan out of the other man.
“I should’ve stayed home today. You will be miserable. No fun.”
“Shane is never fun,” JJ calls from the desk across from Ilya.
“Ok, fuck you, both of you. Grow up.” Ilya cackles as Shane tries to defend himself. His face always turns into an angry kitten whenever he is mad.
Shane finally turns his head to fully face Rozanov and gives him a serious look.
“Did you get the research done I sent to you?”
“Research? What?”
“Seriously?! I sent it to you last week!” Shane exclaims, already done with Ilya’s shit and shoots him a glare. That is, until Ilya’s face forms into a smirk.
“I am messing with you, my sweet summer child. I will send it in two minutes.”
“Wow, 'sweet summer child'? That’s a new one,” Hayden comments and then calls out, “Wyatt, put it on the list!”
Wyatt is already standing up with a pen in hand, heading towards their spreadsheet on the wall that reads “Shane Hollander AKA by Ilya Rozanov”.
“With pleasure.” He sings while adding the new words to the impossibly long list. Working together in a tight-knit group for years forces you to get creative. It started around four years ago when Ilya called Shane his 'sugar plum' after Shane nicely – he regrets it now – passed the coffee sweetener to Ilya on a random Thursday. Now it’s free entertainment for everyone around the house, much to Shane’s dismay.
It does get interesting whenever a colleague from a different Team steps into their office for the first time. Wyatt is usually very happy to explain to anyone who listens.
Shane watches the whole ordeal and then drops his forehead to his desk.
A few moments later, their team lead, Wiebe, steps into the office.
“Good morning, everyone.” There’s a collective mumble in reply.
Wiebe turns toward the infamous spreadsheet and notices the recent change.
“Sweet summer child?” He turns to face Ilya and grins. “What kind of movies have you been watching?”