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The text Blitzø sent to the I.M.P. group chat read, "Someone's got an egg up in there! 😉🍆🥚" and was accompanied by a photo of Stolas bent so far over the toilet his head had to be nearly touching the water.
Moxxie cringed and replied, "TMI, Blitz!"
Blitzø patted Stolas's back as he retched into the toilet again. "I did tell you not to eat that mouse you found on the street," he said.
Stolas just groaned the threw up again.
When he was certain there was nothing left in his stomach that he could possibly throw up, he laid back down on the couch with a trashcan next to him, just in case.
Blitzø curled up in the gap behind Stolas's knees, and they both fell asleep.
While Blitzø slept off his hangover, and Stolas slept off food poisoning, a second group chat forwarded a screenshot of Blitzø's message to Fizzarolli, and speculation began.
Nobody was entirely sure how Goetia reproduction worked. Fizz asked Ozzie, but he just shrugged. "I can be, or have, anything I want. If I wanted to get egg-pregnant—"
"Eggnant," Fizzy interrupted.
"—I could, but it sounds unpleasant so I'll stick with my cock, thanks."
Moxxie turned to Voogle, but he simply searched, "Do Goetia lay eggs?" without considering that Stolas was a man. Voogle confirmed that Goetia do indeed lay eggs, but didn't specify that female Goetia are the ones that lay them. Moxxie spent a solid twenty minutes learning about the types of nests Goetia preferred, and their common tendency to leave their eggs in someone else's care. By the time Millie found him, he was nearly in tears about a hypothetical Goetia child growing up without knowing who their real parents were.
Millie immediately started organizing a celebration. Fizz came by to help.
Loona ignored them all, sitting at her desk with her headphones on, and not answering the phone like she was supposed to. She texted a friend, asking if she could spend the night, because her dad knocked up his boyfriend and they would probably be having nasty celebration sex.
The next morning, Stolas and Blitzø walked to work as if nothing had happened. Stolas's phone had died, and he was too sick to remember to plug it in, and Blitzø hadn't bothered to check the group chat, so neither of them knew about or remembered Blitzø's text.
Thus, when they arrived at the office to find balloons and streamers and a banner that read, "Congratulations, You're Eggnant!" they were both pretty shocked.
Stolas shook off some of the blue and pink confetti that had settled in his feathers after Millie dumped an entire bucket on their heads. "What's going on?"
"We're celebratin'!" Millie cooed.
"Er, celebrating what?"
"Your egg, of course!" Millie said as she took his hands and pulled him further into the office.
Fizz slapped Blitzø on the back, nearly knocking him over. "You really think you're ready to be a dad?"
Blitzø swatted him. "Okay, first of all, I am a dad, my daughter's right there," he waved at Loona, who was sitting with her feet up on the desk, munching a slice of cake. "And second of all, what?"
Fizz stared at him. "You literally told everyone yesterday that Stolas was eggnant."
Blitzø gawked at him. Fizz took out his phone to show him the screenshot.
"I- I was joking! S-Stolas can't get pregnant, right?" Blitzø choked out. "Stolas?"
Stolas had already accepted a piece of cake from Millie. "Hmm? Oh, no I don't think so!"
"You don't think so?" Blitzø squeaked. "But you don't know for sure?"
Stolas shrugged. "I didn't exactly get a comprehensive sex education, you know."
Blitzø dragged a hand down his face. "I can't believe you all thought I got Stolas pregnant."
"Eggnant," Fizz corrected.
"Whatever."
Fizz offered him a slice of cake. "It's okay, I can fix this." He grabbed a thick permanent marker from Blitzø's desk and stretched his legs up to access the banner, fixing it so that it read, "Congratulations, You're NOT Eggnant!"
Fizz returned to his normal height. "Ozzie paid for all the decorations and the cake and stuff, so we may as well still have a party."
Blitzø sat next to Stolas and shoved a piece of cake in his mouth. It was really good. With his mouth still full, he mumbled, "fuck, we should have a fake eggnancy more often if this is the celebration we get."
Fizz snickered. "I can get you a list of places that would give you free dessert if you say you're celebratin'."
Blitzø nodded. "That'd be great, whaddya say Birdie?"
Stolas set aside his plate. "That sounds like an excellent idea. However, we will need to go home and make it as believable as possible. Come along, Blitzø. Thank you for the party, everyone, but now it's time for us to go home and find out just how close we can get to putting a real egg in me."
The pair hurried out of the room as Moxxie gagged in the background.
Fizz held up the cake. "Well, that was fun. Who wants seconds?"