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Lucas doesn’t mind private visits with Max.
In fact, he prefers it most of the time. He might hate the hospital, and he definitely hates Kate Bush, but not sitting next to anyone else relieves some of the pressure.
Even if it is selfish.
It’s not often these days that he needs to worry about seeming selfish. He knows that all of his friends miss and care about Max, but they don’t all visit her.
Mike tried at first, but he sat there rigid as a board. Lucas wonders if it was like that when he sat at Will’s bedside in ’84 or if it just can’t hold his focus now with everything else to worry about.
Dustin came once and never returned. Lucas doesn’t hold it against him, but it does hurt. Dustin won’t talk about how he feels either, so the burden is on Lucas to fill in these gaps. An awful part of him wants to ask his friend if he resents Max for surviving when Eddie didn’t.
Jane cannot visit for her own safety, but Lucas knows that she visits remotely from Hopper’s cabin whenever she isn’t training. His only request is that she informs him about when she’ll “visit” Max, because Lucas talks sometimes. He tells his girlfriend things.
Hopes and fears that he wants to stay between him and Max.
Erica is the biggest surprise, but also isn’t one at all. Lucas’ memory of Max’s run-in with death is foggy, but he remembers his younger sister never left his side that night.
Erica braided and brushed Max’s hair when the nurses were overwhelmed or understaffed. She went to bat for him when their parents tried dragging him home. She didn’t speak much, but her actions mattered more. Lucas isn’t sure that he’ll ever be able to tell her what it means to him.
He hopes, when she wakes up, that Max will have some advice.
Lastly, there’s Will. The one who is almost as consistent as Lucas’ sister is one of his oldest friends. The only thing that stands in Will’s way of visiting more often than he already does is Joyce’s perpetual hovering and worrying about him.
Today is one of the days that Will has some time to himself while Joyce is with Hopper and Jane for one of the training sessions.
It’s a Tuesday afternoon in May of 1987, and it feels bleak. Max’s color is worrying the nurses, and Lucas isn’t sure about the last time that he saw a doctor. It seems as though they’ve truly given up on her.
Lucas mostly sits in a haze, but these thoughts are loud and incessant. So is goddamn Kate Bush until she finally stops singing. When Will, who’s sitting closer to the boombox, presses rewind, Lucas snaps.
“I can’t stand this fucking song!” Will freezes. “What kind of deal with God is she even making, huh? What God? He might as well be buried under the goddamn hill with the rest of us!”
Lucas breathes heavily before covering his face with his palms. His nails dig into his hairline.
“Sorry,” he grits out. “I didn’t mean to yell.”
“Why not?” Will responds. “It’s a shitty situation.”
Lucas makes a choking noise. He lowers his hands and stares at an unassuming Will.
“What?” Will asks, sounding self-conscious.
Lucas shakes his head in astonishment.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you curse.”
“Really?” Lucas shakes his head. “Must be subtext.”
Lucas sits there frozen for a moment before he barks a laugh. He covers his mouth and looks quickly at the door and then at a still-motionless Max.
“It definitely isn’t my place,” Will says, gently. Lucas looks at him. “But I think hearing you laugh when it’s genuine could help her. She knows you miss her. It wouldn’t be an insult.”
Lucas knows in his heart and intellectually that Will is right. There are days when he’s only able to function on autopilot. If something is funny, or he laughs, he’ll feel sick to his stomach.
There are other times when someone makes a silly, or downright stupid, comment and he gets excited. He turns, expecting to see Max rolling her eyes and throwing back a sharp jab, only to find no one there.
“I missed you, man.”
Will blinks in surprise.
“I’m right here.”
“Exactly.” Will looks really confused now. “You’re always there for us.”
“And the shitty thing is,” Lucas continues, “it was horrible when you vanished, but it didn’t stop me from forgetting how it felt the summer before you moved to Lenora.”
Shaking his head, Will says, “We were kids. I didn’t … I had to grow up.”
“No, fuck that. You grew up faster than any of us. You wanted one summer where you felt like a kid. I wish I hadn’t taken that for granted. I mean, look at us now.”
“I am sorry I missed your jock phase,” Will teases as a deflection.
“Jesus,” Lucas groans. Will laughs. “Those games seemed like life or death. Ridiculous, right?”
“Not really,” Will says. “High school is supposed to feel like life or death. Not actually be it.”
Will’s got him there.
“So, who was the most clueless about it?” Will asks. “My money’s on Mike, but I can’t decide if he’d think everyone is traveling or believe the refs are too strict on fumbles.”
“Look at you,” Lucas laughs in surprise. “Where’d this come from?”
Will sticks out his hand with an ironic brow raise.
“Will Byers. Professional people-pleaser.” He lowers it onto his lap. “I went to a few games in California. It was way more popular, so it was hard avoiding invitations.”
“Invitations from girls?”
A look of discomfort appears on Will’s face, making Lucas regret his teasing tone or his words at all. He doesn’t get a chance to pivot before Will recovers by snorting.
“Apparently I’m not a nerd by California standards,” Will replies. “Go figure.”
That opens up a whole new batch of questions that Lucas forces himself not to ask.
“So?” Will presses him. “Was I right? Was Mike completely hopeless?”
Lucas wonders if his smile is as strained as it feels.
“Pretty much.” Will’s head tilt confirms that he isn’t convinced. “D&D conflicted a few times.”
Will frowns.
“So move D&D.”
“It was Eddie’s call,” Lucas finds himself justifying. “They tried.”
“Not hard enough.”
“Really, Byers, it wasn’t that bad,” Lucas says. “I was mostly on the bench anyway.”
Shaking his head, Will asks, “Why are you defending their behavior?”
Lucas speaks before he thinks.
“Like you don’t defend Wheeler even when he treats you like an afterthought?”
Will looks like Lucas struck him. If that isn’t already bad, he sees how Will’s eyes get glassy before refusing to meet Lucas’.
“Will, man …” Lucas feels a tightening in his chest. “I didn’t … I’m sorry.”
Will nods wordlessly, blinking a few times. Lucas looks anxiously at him until Will clears his throat and gets to his feet. He grabs his backpack.
“I — I should get back,” Will murmurs. His voice is strained. “Mrs. Wheeler likes when we all sit down together for dinner.”
Will inches over toward Max and gently squeezes her wrist. Ducking his head, he flees from the room before Lucas can think of a more adequate apology.
Once he’s alone with Max, Lucas slumps in his chair. He looks dejectedly at her.
“This is when you tell me I fucked up.”
***
Lucas Charles Sinclair isn’t oblivious.
But he does have regrets. Right now, Lucas regrets what he said to Will in Max’s hospital room. Arguing with Will isn’t like fighting with the other boys. Lucas doesn’t like fighting with any of his friends, but Mike and Dustin are too stubborn to take his words to heart.
He should’ve known better than to push back against Will. The other boy doesn’t hold a grudge, but Lucas would prefer it if he did. Instead, Will goes silent.
Not maliciously or to make Lucas feel guilty; it’s just how Will has always dealt with any conflict. Most likely, because he grew up knowing it was better, and safer, to hold his tongue than admit when he’s unhappy. Or hurt. Will pulls back and turns inward. Meaning it’s up to whomever hurt him to draw him back out again.
Unless someone else notices the shift first.
“It’s way too quiet,” Dustin says. He eyes his lunchtime companions. “And I know this, because I can hear Wheeler munching on his bag of rusty nails over there.”
Mike bites into another carrot, flipping Dustin off in response. He, too, scans their faces.
“What’s up?” Mike asks. “Did you get an update from Hopper? Jane?”
Mike directs his question toward Will who shakes his head. The wordless response signals to both Mike and Dustin that something is actually wrong. Will was much more prone to bouts of silence when they were kids and hasn’t had any since returning from Lenora.
That, in itself, is troubling.
“Is it Vecna?” Mike hisses. “Have you felt him?”
Will shakes his head again. He looks distinctly uncomfortable by how Mike worded the last part of his question. His sandwich, which is no longer being picked at halfheartedly, lays abandoned and sad-looking on the cafeteria table.
“Is it bigger than a bread box?” Dustin drawls.
Lucas puts his drink down with more force than is strictly necessary. He shoots Dustin a look.
“We had a …” Does it even qualify as a fight? Lucas shakes his head. “I said something stupid yesterday at the hospital.”
Narrowing his eyes, Mike asks, “What?”
“It’s nothing,” Will interjects, suddenly finding his voice. He looks imploringly at Lucas. “I’m just tired. Haven’t been sleeping well.”
“I told you, you should move the air mattress up to my room,” Mike says. “It’s musty as hell in the basement. And you’re always saying Jonathan snores.”
“And I told you,” Will says, patiently, “that we already have classes together and live under the same roof. You’ll get sick of me if I’m in your room, too.”
“Not possible,” Mike replies, earnestly.
A little too earnestly. Lucas watches and absorbs how Mike’s eyes shine a little brighter and Will’s cheeks become a little more flushed than usual. Lucas glances at Dustin, but he’s just absentmindedly twisting one of his rings. He hasn’t noticed anything unusual.
Is it unusual? Lucas suddenly wonders. Or were we just oblivious this whole time?
He looks again at Mike and sees that he has resumed eating. When he looks at Will and the two of them lock eyes, Lucas isn’t sure if it’s the timing or if his face does something that alarms Will. Either way, Will looks like a deer caught in headlights.
Oh.
Panic rises in Will, visibly spreading down his body until his arms are locked and his shoulders are tense. Like he’s deciding if he should run now or wait for the floor to swallow him whole.
Oh, shit.
There’s a loud crash from the other side of the cafeteria. All four boys turn and see a freshman boy kneeling on the ground. There are some jocks laughing as they walk away from him.
“Dicks,” Lucas mutters.
“Sons of bitches!” Dustin bellows, loud enough for the jocks to hear him.
They flip him off amidst scattered laughter and eye rolls.
Will is already walking away before Lucas realizes that he’s on his feet.
“Where are you going?” Mike calls after him. “Will, your lunch …”
Will ignores Mike. Lucas tracks his movements and watches as Will kneels beside the younger boy. The freshman is upset; no question. He looks at Will skeptically when the older of the two says something to him.
It’s only when Will pulls a face that the other boy snorts and then cracks a smile.
“Badass,” Dustin assesses.
“Huh?” Lucas says, distractedly.
Will claps the boy’s hand and helps him to his feet before handing him over the ruined tray. He is still talking to him, making Lucas wonder what he’s saying and if it’s advice or reassurances.
“Byers always knows what to say.”
“I don’t think that’s it.”
Dustin and Lucas look at Mike. Mike’s gaze is laser-focused on Will, but it’s noticeably soft.
Fond, Lucas realizes.
“He knows what he’d want to hear if he were that guy,” Mike continues after a brief pause. “What would’ve helped when it was him.”
“Someone needs to take those assholes down a peg,” Dustin says. “Or twenty.”
“As long as it isn’t you,” Lucas says, severely. “You’ve already got a target on your back.”
Before Dustin can respond, Mike interjects, “It doesn’t matter.”
“How can you say that?” Dustin demands.
“Because they’re not the point,” Mike says. “That’s what Will’s always gotten better than us.”
“What?” Lucas questions, furrowing his brow.
Despite Dustin’s agitation, he also seems curious.
“Some assholes are lost causes. But you can make it easier on who they target,” Mike says. “That’s Will’s greatest power. Knowing who needs help and how to reach them.”
“You should remind him of that,” Lucas says. Mike blinks. “It’s nice to feel seen.”
Mike looks doubtfully at him, but there isn’t room for anyone to say anything else. Will returns a few seconds later with his head hung low but his stride purposeful.
“You’re a good one, Byers.” Will looks at Dustin, who gives him a small but meaningful smile. “Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
“What got through to him?” Mike asks.
Will’s lip twitches.
“I told him not to take it personally,” Will replies. “It’s a rough evolutionary adjustment for them to leave their natural habitat and have to learn how to stop dragging their knuckles.”
Dustin howls with laughter and Lucas feels his face split into a grin. But it’s Mike who really has a reaction worthy of a photograph. His eyes are blown wide as he looks up at Will in total awe.
If anyone were to ask Lucas, he’d swear that it’s Mike’s first day learning how to breathe. The way that Mike’s chest visibly rises and falls would suggest that he just ran a sprint or survived some attack that led to a sudden spike of adrenaline.
How did you miss this, Stalker?
Even if the words mildly amuse him, the echo of the owner’s voice makes Lucas ache.
The first warning bell rings. Amidst groans, the three boys rise from their seats and follow Will to get rid of their own lunches. Lucas notices how Will walks a little bit quicker than them. It’s not a super noticeable difference, but it shows that Will knows Lucas picked up on something.
It’s now on Lucas to put his friend’s mind at ease.
***
“Thanks for coming. I wasn’t sure you would after yesterday.”
Lucas is sitting in his usual seat at Max’s bedside. Will just walked into the hospital room and scanned it. Lucas isn’t sure if it was a casual glance or if he expected an ambush. Either way, his gaze returns to Lucas before he shakes his head.
“I’m not mad at you, Lucas,” Will says, wearily. “I wasn’t lying before.”
“I believe you,” Lucas replies. “Honestly, I’m not sure why I got so defensive. I told the guys back then how them coming to the games was important to me and when they didn’t show, it stung.”
He shifts slightly in his seat, not quite meeting Will’s eye.
“It gave me an idea of what you dealt with when Mike and I took you for granted.”
Will’s eyebrows almost disappear behind his fringe.
“That was … forever ago,” Will settles on. “Like I said, it was childish in retrospect.”
“Kinda ironic, though,” Lucas says with a humorless smile. “Us being obsessed with having girlfriends so we disregarded D&D versus D&D consuming their lives. But the common link? Somebody feeling like they’re not important.”
“You would’ve liked Eddie’s party, though,” Lucas continues. “He valued loyalty, like you. And even if you told him you were going to my game and he gave you a hard time about it, I think he’d have respected the set on you to challenge him.”
It’s clear that he’s overwhelming Will with his sudden stream-of-consciousness. When it looks like Will might interject, Lucas continues speaking. He’s on a roll now.
“Because you put other people first.” Will closes his mouth. “Like coming here and sitting with me and Max, even in silence. I know I sorta hinted at it before, but I’ve never thanked you. It means a lot that you haven’t forgotten her.” He clears his throat. “And you’re not sick of me.”
“Oh, my God.” Will shakes his head vehemently and walks deeper into the room. “That’s … There’s no chance of that ever happening. Also, Max wouldn’t want you isolated here alone, Lucas. You shouldn’t have to be either. It shouldn’t even be a question.”
Lucas smiles slightly and tries to swallow the lump in his throat.
“That’s the first thing I wanted to talk to you about,” Lucas finally says. “The second part is … Look, I know you said you’re not mad at me, but I know I did hurt you. And I’m sorry. For that, but also for talking out of my ass about you and Mike.”
Will’s expression turns cautious. He glances from Lucas to the hospital room door, like he might need to make a quick escape if Lucas transforms into a demodog.
“You two’ve always been closer than most,” Lucas says. “Of course you’d see a side of him that the rest of us don’t.”
“Lucas,” Will begins, slowly. “I don’t know what you think you saw at lunch, but …” He shakes his head. “You didn’t.”
“I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.” Will looks doubtful about that. “I know what it looks like to look at someone and think, ‘That’s it. There’s no shot.’ Or you missed your chance. Max and I were that way before … before.”
Faintly, Will says, “Mike and I aren’t you and Max.”
“But,” Lucas continues like there was no interruption. “That’s only true when the other person isn’t interested. Or looking at you the exact same way.”
Lucas has never seen a face turn so many different colors in such rapid succession. Will’s face turns bright red before all the color drains from it. It eventually becomes a faint, sickly green.
“You’re out of your mind.”
“Sure. But I’m not wrong about this,” Lucas counters. “If you saw what I saw, not to mention heard how … passionately he speaks about you? Forget it.”
“Jane …”
“Is his ex-girlfriend,” Lucas finishes. “What else’ve you got?”
“Mike likes girls,” Will insists. “He’s straight.”
“I might not be, like, an expert on these things,” Lucas prefaces. “But I’m pretty sure those two aren’t necessarily interchangeable.”
Will stares at him with a slack-jawed expression. Lucas sighs.
“All I’m saying is, don’t write this off,” Lucas implores. “If you need to downplay it around the others … I mean, I get it, but don’t kid yourself. And I’m here. If you want to talk about it.”
“You …” Will trails off. “You have no idea what you’re offering. Wouldn’t it be weird?”
“Not weirder than when the other two spoke about their girlfriends,” Lucas replies, smoothly. “Aside from me seriously judging your taste.”
“Hey,” Will cries, voice cracking in amusement.
Lucas smirks. Begrudgingly channeling his sister, he replies:
“Just the facts.”