Chapter Text
Summer of 2008
Dohoon wasn't sure when it all began. For as far as he could remember, Junghwan had always been there. For as far as he could remember, he's always had longing for someone so close yet somehow out of reach. There was always a twitch in his finger, a tug on his heart, and some unnecessary seconds for his eyes to linger on his best friend.
He simply knew it was love. Who didn't love their best friends, right?
For the longest time, Dohoon believed that love is playing under the sun with his friends without a care in the world. Love is eating popsicles sat on a bench while the sun set as they reeked of sweat and dirt. Love is the laughter shared among his friends that echoed through the vast openness of rice fields.
Love is the wind that whispered to him when he stared at Junghwan from the side, a satisfied smile as the cold breezed through them.
Love smiled at him when he noticed Dohoon's eyes lingering.
“What? Do I have something on my face?” Junghwan asked, wiping the corners of his mouth, his little fingers now sticky with melted popsicle.
“Yeah, you eat so messily, Junghwan-ah!” Dohoon teased.
“Hey, I told you to call me hyung! I'm older than you!” Junghwan said.
As they bickered, Youngjae emerged from the store behind them. He had managed to charm the storeowner, one of their nicest neighbors, to give them free snacks.
“Junghwan hyung! Dohoon! Look what I got us!”
“Hey, I'm also your hyung!” It was now Dohoon's turn to protest over age.
Youngjae stuck a tongue out on Dohoon and Junghwan burst out laughing. Strawberry-flavored popsicle juice dripped down to his elbow to which Dohoon scrunched up his face upon noticing.
As the golden sky turned into deeper hues of orange, the summer heat cooled down, the wind gently hitting their young faces, soft and bright, untouched by the cruelty of the world. They were simply children, existing somewhere in this town, completely oblivious and free from the burdens of life.
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2025
Dohoon, now twenty-five, had been working his ass off in some corporate company like all of his other peers. To an outsider's perspective, he's young and successful for landing an office job with a reasonable salary even before graduating. It wasn't much of a grandeur, but the company had a name and a reputation—not the best, but well-known in the industry. And Dohoon had beat all the other interns by being one of the few select to be absorbed right after graduation. He's lucky, really, that he didn't have to go through the gruelling humiliation ritual of sending resumes and cover letters to hundreds of companies. With the hard work he had poured throughout the internship, he sure as hell deserved that permanent job offer, dodging the tedious process of a thousand job interviews with little callbacks.
Since he had begun, once a hopeful fresh grad with big dreams and ambitious goals, three years had passed. In those three years, he'd witnessed it all—or at least he felt like he had. Jealous colleagues, discriminating seniors and workplace bullying were among the bad things he had experienced. However, he didn't let it get to him—he had expected that and paid those people no mind. Through the three years of working, he learned how to detach himself from the chaos of it all and turn off his brain the moment he clocked out of that building. Besides, he also had a fair share of good things that happened to him. He had gotten a raise, got his work commended by higher-ups often, and had clients impressed with his excellence and efficiency.
While those achievements had gotten him happy and optimistic for some time, life still had its way of getting to a hopeful person. Over time, Dohoon had realized how draining and tedious corporate life was. Still, it wasn't like he had much of a choice. He had to pay his rent and bills somehow because living in the big city meant overpriced studio apartments and unreasonable daily expenses. On top of that, he had to keep sending money over to his family as a filial son that he is. His parents weren't getting younger. There wasn't much to earn from the farm as of late. His younger sister had just entered university, and his older brother was too busy supporting himself through med school. Dohoon simply couldn't meddle with that. He couldn't just ask his brother for too much when he was out there chasing his dreams. So naturally, Dohoon had to step up for his family.
At times when the clock strikes past 10 o'clock and he couldn't sleep, he finds himself wondering.
He simply wonders.
About life.
About his friends.
About his family.
About everything.
About love.
His friends were getting into serious relationships and hinting at marriage in the near future. Meanwhile he's still stuck wondering—daydreaming about what and how love could be. It was silly, but simply something he couldn't get rid of. Somehow, it just creeped back to his skin and wrapped around his head whenever he felt particularly lonely; when the warm light of his bedside lamp illuminated the walls a certain way; when the air conditioner hummed a melancholic melody; and when the lights outside blurred a little too romantically.
It was one of those nights.
As an attempt to do something—anything—he scrolls through social media. His eyes feast on various posts—his peers going on trips, someone getting engaged, some celebrity drama, a chicken ad. He scrolls mindlessly, hoping the repetitive task brings him to deep slumber.
At some point, he started checking his archives and a memory popped up.
On this day.
11 years ago today.
Familiar faces. Familiar smiles. Distant memories.
Dohoon tapped the screen and the post played for a good 15 seconds. He kept looking back at it, wondering how he managed to look that happy in the picture.
They looked complete, just like how they were when they were kids—simply existing, living, full of love and hope.
He stared at his phone longingly, as if to memorize the image. He etches the six of them into his brain, trying to relive the last few moments when remembered truly feeling alive.
Life had a way of biting his ass. Life had a way of tearing them apart slowly, bit by bit, like a small crack that had eroded over time. Nothing dramatic happened, but they all somehow ended up growing apart. They kept in touch somehow, but it never felt quite the same anymore. They went from setting annual meetings to cancelled plans. From talking almost everyday to only sending messages whenever someone had a birthday.
Dohoon's vision began blurring, and his chest felt uneasy. That night, before anything surfaced, he forced himself to fall asleep, eyes shut, willing his brain to rest.
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2014
By the time they had grown into teenagers, Dohoon had realized something.
His view on love had changed.
It wasn't grand. There wasn't an epiphany. His definition simply had a minor difference. Tiny tweak, a small unnoticed stroke. It was a nuance that no one would realize unless they looked closely.
And Dohoon looked closely, examined thoroughly and basked in the depths of his thoughts and emotions. He had only had time to think on his own. He never showed or even implied to anyone the way he thought love has become. The way Junghwan has shifted his world a tiny bit at some point in middle school.
Not much has really changed between them. Dohoon would still refuse to call Junghwan hyung. Junghwan would still feign annoyance at the younger’s lack of respect. Youngjae, charming as ever, remained their mediator.
Their small circle had doubled by the time they were in middle school. There were two transferee students—Jihoon and Hanjin. Jihoon was from Seoul while Hanjin was from China. Somehow, despite being in different classes, they found their way to each other. Jihoon had joined Youngjae's dance club, while Dohoon simply chatted up Hanjin at the cafeteria when he heard there was a transfer student from overseas.
Meanwhile, Junghwan had adopted a child—Kyungmin. During weekends, Junghwan volunteered to tutor in the middle school grades. That's how he met Kyungmin, found him the most adorable, and they've been stuck together ever since.
When Dohoon learned about Kyungmin's existence, he felt a slight pang in his chest—like his heart twitched and twisted for some reason. He never admitted it, but he felt jealous because now Junghwan had a new favorite. And Kyungmin was much cuter, Dohoon couldn't argue with that.
However when they had all somehow gathered together on a soccer game after class, Dohoon understood Junghwan's endearment for the kid. It didn't take him long to start doting on Kyungmin too—treating him like the younger brother Dohoon never had.
It all just fell naturally.
Jihoon followed Youngjae everywhere, practically clinging to him like a puppy desperate for his owner's attention. Youngjae gave him plenty of attention—although even “plenty” wasn't enough. Jihoon seemed really fond of Youngjae, and it overwhelmed the older sometimes. Still, they somehow remained glued to the hip, growing accustomed to each other in between club meetings and after-school hangouts.
It wasn't a surprise that Jihoon became an additional member to the usual party of two that consisted of only Dohoon and Youngjae during lunch time in the middle school cafeteria. Of course, Dohoon had invited Hanjin to sit with them now too, and Kyungmin sat with them every other day, alternating between sitting with his classmates and his hyungs.
Shinyu was always in another building for the high school kids by that year. So, they were only ever complete after class hours.
It became routine that they do something together at least once a week. May it be the typical playing soccer, Junghwan hosting sleepovers, or whatever else they could come up at that moment.
One particular night, after the hellish week of their midterm exams, they all gathered at Junghwan's house. Six of them cramped up in the room, they fought over movies to watch.
“Stop fighting!” Dohoon's voice snapped among the chaos. They all looked at him. “Let's just play games! If we watch a movie you're all just gonna sleep.” He sulked at the end.
“Okay, let's play Mario Kart!”
“I wanna play Minecraft though.”
“We should go old school and play board games.”
“Oh, oh, let's play Uno but everyone gets 20 cards!”
“Eh?”
“Sounds great, let's do it!”
“Anyone wanna team up with me?”
“Stack up on Junghwan-hyung?”
“Yah!”
The night went on until their stomachs ached from laughing too much. Pizza boxes stacked on one corner of the room with some cups and empty soda bottles scattered around. They now sat in silence in the dark, the TV screen illuminating their faces. In the end, they watched a movie anyway. The only movie they could all agree on was Inside Out, even though they had already seen it countless times before.
In the comfort of it all, Junghwan found himself huddled against Dohoon, seeking warmth from the younger. Dohoon reached out for the blanket an arm away and put it around the two of them. And at that moment, in the quiet comfort of their heartbeats, surrounded by all his favorite people and the soft glow of the television, Dohoon knew—this was love.
Junghwan had fallen asleep around 20 minutes into the movie. He never had trouble falling into deep sleep, and somehow nuzzling onto Dohoon's shoulders made it so much easier. It came easy to the younger to fall into the comfort of their connection. Despite being the younger one, Dohoon had always reminded Junghwan that he could lean onto him—that he could unload and rest whenever the world felt too heavy and too real. Dohoon was happy enough to offer comfort to Junghwan at all times. It was simply something that came to him as second nature. He always felt loved and cared for by his hyung, and he wanted nothing else but to reciprocate that.
Because, perhaps, that was what love meant, too.
Sleep crept into Dohoon, perhaps infected by how comfortable and cozy Junghwan laid beside him. His eyelids became heavier before the movie ended and his last thought that night was how Junghwan sometimes looked like Sadness. It was a silly thought, but he found the resemblance endearing. He glanced at Junghwan's face, giggling at how pouty he looked sleeping—just like Sadness—and he passed out with a soft smile.
By the end of the movie, only Jihoon and Youngjae remained awake, sitting beside each other. Hanjin had fallen asleep on Jihoon's lap while Kyungmin cuddled Youngjae's side for warmth. As the movie came to the end, Jihoon sniffed through his sleeves, all emotional over Bing Bong despite having watched the same scene for about three times since Inside Out had been released. Youngjae glanced at him from beside, a smile carved on his face contoured by the soft shadows cast by the television. Youngjae's smile was somewhere in between soft and teasing, like he found Jihoon's softness both endearing and silly. He reached out to Jihoon's shaking shoulders and patted him, the younger immediately leaning into the touch. Neither said anything, the quiet around them knowing. When Youngjae brought his hand up to Jihoon's cheek, Jihoon simply melted into the touch.
There was something achingly intimate in the room that night. The comfort that had clung to the walls of Junghwan's room enveloped them like a warm and firm embrace, making them feel invincible—like none of this would ever end, like they were infinite.
“Kyungmin-ah,” Youngjae whispered gently to the boy clinging to him. Kyungmin stirred, barely awake, as he nuzzled closer.
“Hey, let's get you to the cushion." Youngjae guided a sleepy Kyungmin to lay on the cushion they laid out on the floor earlier.
Jihoon followed suit, gently tapping Hanjin’s shoulder to wake him up. Hanjin simply plopped down next to Kyungmin when we woke up, returning to slumber.
Youngjae stood before Junghwan and Dohoon, debating on whether to wake them up to transfer or just let them be. They looked far too cozy and perfect to be woken up, although he knew their current position invites shoulder and back pain for the following morning.
“Do we wake them up or…?” Jihoon trailed. He thought the same as Youngjae, that the two of them looked too cozy to be disturbed. They couldn't look any more comfortable.
“Should we?” Youngjae replied.
Jihoon flashed a mischievous smile. “How about let's just leave them cuddled up and take Junghwan hyung's bed?”
Youngjae shook his head, chuckling softly at Jihoon's suggestion.
Then, deciding Junghwan and Dohoon looked too cozy cuddled up on the floor, Youngjae added: “should we?”
“We soooo should. I don't wanna wake up with back pain, we still have dance practice tomorrow,” Jihoon said and hopped onto the bed, plopping onto the soft cushion.
Youngjae followed and covered them both under the fluffy comforter.
In the comfort of that night, the six of them slept with smiles across their faces. Warmth bloomed within their chests, hearts full. The air conditioner hummed a quiet melody of their youths, while the crickets chirped outside as a marker of that night.
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2025
The loud ring of Dohoon's alarm assaulted his ears upon his wake.
He stared at the ceiling, processing the fact that he had to get up again. Truly, his bed whispered otherwise, it pulled him towards the softness of his blankets, like a lover coaxing him to spend five more minutes wrapped up in comfort.
Dohoon groaned as he forced himself up, willing his body to fight gravity.
When he finally got up from his bed, moving became easier. He fell into the rhythm of his daily morning routine—bathroom rituals, an attempt at breakfast, and then leaving for work.
As he waited for his bus, he scrolled mindlessly on his phone.
He received a notification.
shinhyungwan__ liked your story.
It was only then when he had realized that he ended up reposting the memory he found in his archives last night. He looked up from his phone, as if looking away would make his sleep-drunk decisions disappear. He wasn't even sure why he felt embarrassed realizing what he had done. It was his account, he could share anything. And those were his childhood friends he dearly loved, so it made perfect sense to share that to the world.
He sighed, convincing himself that there was nothing embarrassing about missing your youth and your childhood best friends. That there was nothing wrong with wishing things could return to when it was lighter and easier.
Another notification popped up: a message from Jihoon.
haepjihoon:
aw hyung, you miss meeeeee???????
Dohoon couldn't help as a smile crept up to his face, albeit still bashful from accidentally showing his reminiscing on the internet. He didn't reply immediately, watching the three dots jump up and down until Jihoon sent another message:
“❤💖💞💘❤🩹❤🩹💜💞❤❣️💘🤍🤍❣️💞💓❤🩹💞❤🩹🤍❣️💞❣️💗❤🩹🤍💜”
Dohoon simply shook his head. Despite not talking as often anymore, Jihoon still felt the same. He chuckled as he typed back a response.
kim_ddoi:
there's literally four other people in the photo
haepjihoon:
we should all get together some time
last time we've been complete is like 1937183 years ago
kim_ddoi:
right
let's hope our schedules finally align
everyone's just so busy
The conversation ended almost immediately. Dohoon knew no plans were going to be made. They all had busy lives in different cities now. Somehow, they never aligned whenever someone would return to their hometown briefly.
That was just how it is now.
Not long after, Dohoon's bus arrived.