Chapter Text
2017
Jack knew he was breaking his own heart by doing this but he was missing a leg and so angry at the world that he couldn't bring Michael, his Misha, down with him. His sweet Misha that wore his heart on his sleeve and thought he was unlovable for some reason but wanted so badly to be loved. Misha who kneeled at his feet and trusted in him to take care of him, trusted him with his submission and his needs. Jack doesn't do it right away, he's laid up in the hospital at first recovering from missing half his leg watching as the man he loves takes care of him when it's supposed to be him taking care of the brunette.
"I'm not an invalid I can shower myself," he yells loudly and it's the flinch that does him in.
"I'm sorry," Misha whispers looking like he's close to tears.
Jack doesn't like that the anger is coursing through him and making him want to lash out, Misha looked so scared looking at him and he had never wanted to be the kind of person to lash out at his partner so he knows what he has to do. He doesn't do it that night, let's Misha kneel at his feet, foot more like, and lay his head in his lap, pulls him up to sit in his lap and kisses him like it's the last time because the truth is that it is. Jack is broken and ruined, he's angry at the world and he needs to deal with that anger if he wants to be worthy enough for his sweet Misha.
The next day Jack knows he's making the right choice. He fell because he had been trying to do something for himself and when Misha tried to help he lashed out, throwing his phone at his sweet boy who started crying. He quickly calls his army buddy, who makes sure to tell him what a moron he's being, while Misha is at work and has all his stuff packed up when his boy gets home. The minute those soft brown eyes see his bags and see him standing with his crutches he knows and looks to be fighting back tears, locking his knees to stop himself from dropping.
"It's for the best you're better off and I don't need you."
The last bit of that sentence is a lie but he has to make sure Robby knows to move on and to find someone not so angry or broken. He has to fight to not look back as he hobbles out the door, his army buddy coming in to grab his things though Tech makes sure to glare at him knowing this is a mistake but Jack will only realize that much later. Right now he thinks it's the right thing to do, he thinks he's saving the man he loves from being chained to him and the anger he currently feels. He breaks down as soon as he's in the passenger seat and if he hadn't just broken his own heart he would know that Misha was breaking down as well.
2019
Robby knew he wasn't being fair to Heather but she filled a hole in his heart that no one else had been able to after Jack shattered his. She knows about them, about the deep relationship they had and the true nature of it, knows Robby can't let anyone else call him Misha or fully dominant him like Jack has. Robby knows she's too understanding, knows soon the relationship will fizzle like his with Janey did though at least she let him stay in Jake's life, having taken pity on him after he seemed so broken. Jack leaving had confirmed something he long knew but tried to deny, that he wasn't worthy of love or being taken care of. It was a fight to let Heather take care of him, he only wanted Jack and one time she tried to fully dominant him and he lashed out. Now he's staring at his past standing in front of him acting like he didn't break his heart two years ago and leave him.
"Misha," he whispers so carefully and softly that Robby almost didn't hear him.
"It's Mike or Robby," he says harshly and he sees Dana looking at him in concern, she and Adamson are the only ones that know the history between them.
Robby can't do it, can't look at the man be trusted with himself and his whole being the same one that shattered him into pieces without wanting to cry and drop to his knees right then and there. He is ever thankful when he's called for a MVC because it means not having to look into eyes he loves so much and be seen so wholly still. Robby already had too much to worry about between his things with Heather and there was talk of a virus makings it's round that could turn into a worldwide issue, he didn't want to have to think of a man that made him want to give control over.
2020
It's been a year since Jack came back into his life, a year since he broke up with Heather because she saw the way he still loved Jack, a year since having to be forced to work in proximity to the man that shattered him to pieces. A part of him used to think that the break up had never been about him but Robby knew he lost everything that mattered and that he wasn't worthy of love. His mother died when he was five from an overdose, his father left when he found out his mother was pregnant and he had his grandparents but eventually they left him as well, though dying shouldn't count as leaving. Now Adamson, the only father figure he had left him, he died from a disease people were trying to say shouldn't exist and he just wanted to fall apart but he didn't have anyone he trusts to do that with. Pounding at his door makes him jump out of his skin but he doesn't move from where he's curled up in front of it even though the door rattles making him feel the vibrations.
"Open the door Michael or I'm fucking breaking in," Jack yells out.
Robby doesn't respond, doesn't think he cared enough to actually do it but then he hears something clicking against his door before it's being shoved open and he's thrown off it. He grunts as he moves to the wall next to the door not even standing or wanting to move at all, he can feel the surprise as Jack looks down at him. He hears the door close but Jack is just standing there staring at him like he isn't sure what to do and Robby can't find the strength in him to care to do anything.
"You don't get to sit here and act like you did something wrong. I would have done the same thing now get up," Jack finally says his voice harsh.
It says something about the state he's in that he doesn't lash out, doesn't care at all for how he's being spoken to or that it reminds him of what they were first together just sits on the floor not seeing anything just feeling emotional pain. It's only when Jack yanks him up by his arms that he lashes out, voices something that isn't necessarily the truth but he can't do this.
"You don't get to break up with me and then act like your still allowed to take care of me," Robby hisses trying to push him away.
"Regardless of whatever we are I will always give a shit about you. We don't have to be together for me to care now get in the fucking shower and your going to eat what I put in front of you," Jack says simply.
Robby waits til he's in the shower to cry, wants to scream at Jack for coming in and making him want things he can't have anymore but he doesn't have it in him. He won't give him his tears though, Jack lost the right to see that long ago when he shattered them into a billion pieces so he cries himself out in the shower so the other man can't see. He feels like he's not there as he dries himself off and puts on sweats and a hoodie, making his way to the living room where he sits on the couch. He's hoping by doing that Jack won't bring him food, won't take care of him or maybe he hopes he can ignore that he's there but it doesn't work.
"Eat," Jack orders handing him some kind of stir fry with rice.
Robby knows he won't win, he's fucking submissive but especially so with the man here with him so he just eats without saying a word. He isn't sure what he's aiming for, isn't sure if he's wanting him to leave or stay and if he does stay he isn't sure he is ready to let himself potentially love and lose Jack all over again. Jack puts on the TV, a game plays but it's just background noise to him honestly and he lets the silence envelope them because it's all he has, he can't fall into the strong arms of the man next to him and he hates it but he can't let himself love him again because he's afraid.
2025
Eight years has passed since Jack has effectively ruined his life, left the man he loves and he knows he shattered at the time. It took two years of physical therapy, of getting fitted for a prosthetic, of learning to move and take care of himself before he was able to admit he fucked up and by the time he did it had been too late. Adamson had offered him the job and he walked in not sure what to expect but he had known as soon as he saw Misha that he lost him. It had been a gut punch, it had been a year of them being coworkers but never more and feeling like he was a fuck up for letting his anger win before they would become more than coworkers.
It took someone Robby, no longer Misha, looked at as a father to die for them to be more and even then it was just friends. Friends that watched games together, that talked each other down from the roof, friends that skirted the edge and Jack knew it was because he didn't think he was allowed to do that anymore though he wasn't sure if Robby wanted him again. He knew today was going to be a bad day not just because he was having a crisis due to a veteran dying in an accident but also because it was fine anniversary of Adamson's death and Robby was here working which he shouldn't have done. Jack ignored the nagging feeling in his stomach, believed Robby when he said he was alright because Misha wouldn't lie about that even when he was no longer Misha and went home. It wasn't until he woke up, it wasn't until he listened to the police scanner that he knew his feelings had been right and he came to the hospital but the real realization came when Robby willingly wrapped him up in a hug for the first time in years.
"I'm so glad to see you," he whispers holding on for a moment.
"Heard it on the scanner," he says not sure what else he can say because it's what he's hoped for but it also isn't.
Robby pulls away and seems to pull himself together but he doesn't look good and the next three hours prove it and lead him to a breaking point for them and their relationship. He can tell that Robby is slowly breaking as his anxiety shows, the way he grips his neck, the way he hides his hands in his hoodie pockets and the way he avoids all eye contact. He hears about him having a bad day, sees the concern in Dana's eyes even after Leah is gone but he's hoping it's wrong. He smiles proudly when Robby steps up to stand up for Cassie when the cops try to arrest her but then Robby is taking parents into their makeshift morgue and if they had been together he would be pulling Robby over his knee to spank him. He didn't think telling him to take a minute when he starts arguing with Gloria, even if it is well earned because she's a bitch that doesn't care about what a hospital actually needs, would lead them here.
"Your in my spot," Jack says walking up and stopping short of leaning against the railing choosing to continue talking in hopes it stops Robby from jumping. "Grubhub won't deliver but Door dash will. There's a guy named Marco that will trek up here for an extra ten bucks, twenty if you want beer."
Robby lets out a sob that he tries to cut off and Jack hates that he's on that side of the railing and he isn't leaning against the railing he's instead a couple feet out. He wants to take care of him but he isn't sure that it's his right anymore though he has to try something. He leans against the railing as he tries to think of what to say as his sweet man tries to hide himself away.
"Nice speech down there, wish I'd given it," Jack lies and Robby lets out a snort through his tears.
"No you don't," he argues and he's right.
"Yeah fuck no but I'm glad someone did," Jack says as he leans over to try to get those brown eyes to look at him.
Jack argues with him for a good little while about why they keep coming back, about being the bees that protect the hive but he sees it's not working. He doesn't want to have to jump across this railing and drag him back but he will because all he cares about is Misha. Caring about him so much is what caused him to destroy their relationship and he's at his end, he sees the way he's about to give up and give in.
"Misha," Jack tries this time.
"Don't call me that. Don't do it. Don't make me feel like I'm loved when I'm not, I know I'm not and I know that's why you fucking left," Robby sobs out not turning to look at him.
Jack freezes because he is shocked and he's angry again but this time at himself, he never thought that Misha thought he was the one messed up though he should have. His sweet Misha who cared too much and didn't know how to take care of himself sometimes. He's angry at himself for not making what happened clearer in all the time that has passed but he thought it would have been obvious and now he has to tread a careful line because anything could push his sweet boy over the edge.
"I left because I was angry at the world and I was taking it out on you. I swore I would never become that and I made you cry too many times, threw shit at you. It was never you Misha," Jack explains because it needs to be said.
Jack starts to think that maybe he is going to have to yank Misha back across this roof when he hears him let out more sobs then turn to face him. He still doesn't come over the railing but he's leaning against it like he isn't sure what to believe or do but it's a start. He knows what his Misha needs but it can't be done here, they deserve time to talk to and privacy but he has to get him to come over the railing willingly.
"Don't lie to me Sir please don't lie," Robby whispers looking down as he sobs.
"Get over here," Jack orders not wanting to say what he needs to with his boy on the wrong side and wanting him in his arms.
Jack turns to the side and he hears Misha whine as he practically throws his long limbs through the railing and into his arms. He's still sobbing and that isn't good, or maybe it is since he needs it but he's shaking and close to having another anxiety attack so Jack puts his hand on the back of his neck, squeezes like he knows works and feels him melt even more into him.
"I'm the one that fucked us up not you. You aren't unlovable and I didn't mean to abandon you. I was so angry but not at you, I saw the way my anger was affecting you and I thought I was saving you. By the time I realized I messed up I thought it was too late," Jack whispers into his ear.
"Please I want to go home," he sobs gripping his scrub top in his hands.
"One beer in the park and then I'll take you home I promise. You know if you don't go they'll be worried," Jack promises gripping his neck as he runs a hand through his hair.
Jack waits as he lets the sobs die down though Misha is still slumped in his arms. He won't call him Robby now unless it's at work, he's his Misha again and he isn't letting that go but they need to talk, Misha needs to be put down and taken care and that can only happen in a place he feels comfortable. He needs to hurry them up so they can get out of this place that is destroying a man that cares too much and thinks he's so undeserving, wishes the hospital wasn't taking so much from his boy. He tries to keep a hand on his neck the whole time but Misha doesn't like everyone up in his business and though last time they were together he was willing to let them touch and hold hands in front of certain people, he isn't sure of the rules this time though he does keep a hand on his lower back the whole time only taking it off once they sit down for a beer on the park bench.
The sound of voices overflow and he lets it pass him by as he keeps an eye on Misha while he he occupies himself with taking his prosthetic off and liner to rub at the area. He hasn't been on it long but for some reason it hurts tonight, he sees Misha flexing his hand like he wants to try to help before he tenses up and puts that hand in his pocket while the other drinks the beer. Jack knows it's his fault, right before he shattered his boy into pieces and himself Misha had been fighting to help him but he had been too angry at the world to see it for what it was. This time he'll do better, he's pretty sure it was because he thought it was a Dominant's job to always and only take care not be taken care and it wasn't until he went through therapy and talked to other dynamic couples he realized how he had fucked up.
"I'm calling it a night," Misha says standing and he's shaking but he seems to be waiting and thank fuck for that otherwise Jack might have been tempted to shout out an order.
"Us old men need more sleep than you youngsters," Jack agrees putting his liner and prosthetic back on.
The two of them walk side by side until they are out of sight and then he's grabbing his boy up by the back of the neck and dragging him to his truck, he isn't walking even if Misha's apartment is close by. It's only when he's getting the passenger door open he hears the whine and turns to be enfolded in arms and a dark head burying itself in his neck.
"I'm going to take care of you but we have to get home first baby," Jack whispers tangling his fingers into dark locks.
"Please sir," he cries and fuck Jack needs to get him out of here.
It takes a moment but Jack is finally able to coax Misha into the truck and he hopes that they can put off anything but food and bed until tomorrow though that might be a stupid hope. His boy seems to have gone so long without anyone truly taking care of him and he doesn't know if that's because they refused to or Misha refused to let them but this is something that is about to be pushed. He has to keep a hand on Misha who curls up into it like a touch starved animal and he might as well be, when he was younger he had been touch starved with the exception of his Bubbe and Zayde plus he seemed to not like being touched unless he knew the person extremely well and trusted them. Jack is surprised he's still someone that can touch him without a fight or him flinching considering how he fucked their lives up but he isn't going to argue with it.
"We'll eat," Jack says as they walk in the door of the condo only to freeze as he closes it because Misha is dropping to his knees automatically like he can't hold it back anymore. "Hey we need to eat and sleep then talk. Did no one take care of you after I fucked shit up? This was not how this was supposed to go."
"Only you, always been you," Misha whimpers out crying and fuck if that doesn't just reveal things and provide an outlook he didn't have before.
"Okay, okay baby. You're going to go shower, take as long as you want and then we're going to eat, don't give me that look you need to eat. After we sleep and come morning talk. This isn't up for discussion," Jack orders when he sees Robby start to shake.
Jack is holding his breath until Misha is out of sight and then he partly collapses against the wall to take a moment. Tears want to spill out for how he messed up, for how he fractured his boy and the fact he didn't trust anyone else to dom him like this but it wasn't the time. When he straightens out he sees Misha left his phone on the entrance table like he didn't want it near him and that there are a shit ton of calls and messages from Langdon so he looks at them and wishes he hadn't.
"I'm sorry for what I said please don't make me do this. I'm not an addict."
"You're going to ruin my career reporting me but you probably don't fucking care. You'll probably laugh at me."
The messages seem to go back and forth but they paint a picture, Langdon stole drugs and Robby sent him home only he came back. Robby then gave him an ultimatum but Frank made fun of him about his breakdown, which fuck him, before Robby stormed off. Jack can't say if Misha handled it correctly though he thinks he tried only it spiraled from there so he snoops and sees a message to Gloria about the situation so at least that part was handled. He is surprised when a message comes through from Gloria.
He has the next two days off.
Gloria was a bitch that cared more about politics than actually taking care of anyone but sometimes she surprised everyone. He turns the phone off and hides it otherwise Misha will grab it and he doesn't need that right now. The state of the kitchen finishes telling the story, it's bare like his boy didn't care to take care of himself and it's luck that Jack is able to find some water and peanut better and jelly to make sandwiches. He's just set everything up on the couch next to him and is about to take off his leg when Misha appears looking like a sad puppy in sweats and a sweatshirt.
"Can I?" He asks gently immediately coming forward to go to his knees in front of Jack.
"You like taking care of me," Jack guesses looking down at him.
"When you let me. I like that I can do that for you especially since you put up with me and love me," Misha answers with of course a dig at himself.
"Loving you isn't hard neither is taking care of you let's not add to the punishment you're going to eventually get once we talk," Jack tells him and those soft eyes look up at him begging.
"There's a lever."
Jack knows he doesn't need to explain, Misha watched him take it off enough times while they were watching a game and he sighs moments later when the prosthetic comes off along with the liner and he feels those big hands rubbing his leg gently. He hums as he runs a hand through dark locks, promises himself he isn't going to let either of them destroy this but especially him, he won't let his anger and pain win over ever again. As Misha lays his head in his lap and lets himself be fed, drops down so fast it's concerning, Jack promises to hold on to him no matter what and never let him go again.