Chapter Text
For El,
I can’t believe it…
There’s so much I wanna say to you … so much I wanna show you.
….. I’ve missed you so much El.
I never gave up on you El.
For El,
Did you find the waterfalls? I wish I could’ve seen it with you.
… I understand if we can’t talk yet, but I just want you to know that….
I’ll be here El.
For El,
Max gave me this picture of you back when you… you know.
I keep it next to me all the time and I have one in my wallet too.
There were nights where it all felt too difficult to bear… …I slept next to
your picture those nights…
I hope I can feel you next to me again.
For El,
I bet it’s nice over there El… maybe I can see the waterfalls with you.
Just like we promised.
For El,
Did I do something El? … I regret not making plans then.
I really tried El.
I am sorry El …
For El,
I don’t understand El…
I know you want me to and I’ve tried
Why can’t you be here? Why can’t it all be okay?
For El,
I still remember
that night in the rain. It was the day my life started…
… the clothes you borrowed I kept them.
They’ve outgrown me … just like you.
For El,
College hasn’t been nice to me either…
… I don’t think anything will be as nice as you.
For El,
You would’ve loved it here..
It’s peaceful … no Upside Down or Vecna…
I would have loved you here.
For El,
I want to be angry but all I can feel for you is this love you left me with.
… Confessions don’t mean much when you aren’t even here to hear me..
For El,
I believed …
… I wish you did too.
For El,
Hopper says I need to move on and understand your choice…
… I can do everything for you but I don’t think I can do that..
For El ,
The party dragged me to a party… as an attempt for me to move on..
I don’t think they understand… it’s not that simple…
You were my whole life.
For El,
I found myself actually taking an interest in the girl I saw eating waffles in the cafe..
… but I realized too quickly when I heard her laugh… how much she looked like you.
Even she was a reminder of you.
For El,
I know it’s pathetic… but the coke makes me see you.
… not in the usual way where I am reminded of you in the little things I do every day.
I actually see you… and when it’s all over… and the figment of you is long gone…
… the blood coming out of my nose brings me back to you.
For El,
They are all like you… in one way or another.
From the way you smile to the color of your hair…
A piece of you is in every woman I bring to bed..
For El,
I called her your name today… she slapped me and called me a “coked up asshole”...
It’s hard to remember the names of the women I meet the night before and bring home..
But I remember yours with ease… even if I become brain-dead from all the drugs..
You are engraved into my very being.
For El,
It’s been years… I am still here for you. Only you.
Every book I write and every work I speak is dedicated to the memory of you..
… is filled with the hope of a future with you.