Chapter Text
March 28, 2024
perfectionistblondie 1:04 AM
thank you for the tip about the skull caverns
i was about to put the game down for a month
you saved comfort gaming
dykesforhaley 4:29 AM
you’re so welcome
i totally get the crash out
perfectionistblondie 7:32 AM
i genuinely thought about throwing my laptop across the room
dykesforhaley 7:33 AM
you play stardew on a laptop ????
perfectionistblondie 7:49 AM
what do you play it on?
dykesforhaley 7:53 AM
switch casually, pc when i’m being Serious
perfectionistblondie 7:59 AM
serious stardew?
dykesforhaley 8:02 AM
yeah like speed runs and shit
switch is when i wanna lay down and open animal crossing just to close it after five minutes over and over for like an hour and then switch (haha) to stardew
perfectionistblondie 8:08 AM
is it nice on switch? i have one and i never use it except for when i have friends over
dykesforhaley 8:10 AM
yeah definitely!! it’s the same price and the same game, just like ?? couch core ?? if that’s a thing
perfectionistblondie 9:27 AM
i think you just made it a thing
i might buy it then
thank you for the rec :)
dykesforhaley 5:03 PM
so sorry for the late response i just woke up
have you bought it yet. did it change your life. i know it’s barely been seven hours but like. i need a status update
perfectionistblondie 6:24 PM
i’m sorry you JUST woke up ????
dykesforhaley 6:39 PM
ok dramatic
does it help that i’m in pacific standard time ?
or make things dramatically worse ?
also thanks for not answering my important questions
perfectionistblondie 6:40 PM
were you up until 5 in the morning texting me?
dykesforhaley 6:40 PM
no need to call me a lesbian like that
perfectionistblondie 6:41 PM
lmfao okay calm down “dykesforhaley”
i have not bought stardew for my switch yet because i have been at school all day
est. if that matters.
dykesforhaley 6:43 PM
i stared at that for so long trying to figure out why you were saying established
perfectionistblondie 6:44 PM
i meant eastern standard time
dykesforhaley 6:44 PM
yeah i figured 😭
so sorry you had to be at school. play stardew now to save yourself
perfectionistbarbie 6:45 PM
save myself is wild
dykesforhaley 6:47 PM
you’re the one that was at school all day
perfectionistbarbie 6:48 PM
i’m going to stop talking to you if you’re one of those anti-college freaks
dykesforhaley 6:48 PM
definitely not anti-college entirely
i know its benefits
i am anti-every-single-fucking-counselor-pushing-it-on-me when it was too expensive for my family (with horrific financial aid options) and no real career path options that i liked
why would i go when i don’t know what i want to do yet yk?
i only poke fun because my bsf of like four years is an ivy league student and i like making fun of her for it lmao
perfectionistblondie 6:51 PM
okay okay understandable
college is still a cool experience though
definitely nothing else like it
dykesforhaley 6:52 PM
yeah i know :\
i’m bummed i missed out on it
but i’m happy with where things are at now and i support myself which is pretty nice
perfectionistblondie 6:53 PM
what do you do for work
dykesforhaley 6:56 PM
i’d rather not talk about it
it’s nothing illegal but i created this anonymous account for a reason yk
perfectionistblondie 6:57 PM
i was wondering when i’d meet my first serial killer online, shocked it happened so soon tbh
dykesforhaley 6:57 PM
fuck you
perfectionistblondie 6:58 PM
i mean if your type is haley you’d probably like that ;)
dykesforhaley 7:00 PM
HELLO
your energy is crazy
holy fuck
perfectionistblondie 7:01 PM
i hope in a good way?
dykesforhaley 7:05 PM
yes
perfectionistblondie 7:06 PM
i bought stardew for my switch by the way
will report back with my thoughts on this investment
dykesforhaley 7:07 PM
you’d better
July 15, 2024
blondie 11:18 PM
what is the point of putting yourself through the frustration of a perfection run
i don’t get it
artist (lesbian) 11:19 PM
for my ego.
blondie 11:19 PM
you’re so fucking weird
artist (lesbian) 11:19 PM
your discord username is LITERALLY perfectionist what the fuck is your problem
blondie 11:20 PM
yeah i’m a perfectionist about school
this not so much
this is supposed to be “relaxing” so i’m told
artist (lesbian) 11:20 PM
that sounds like some shit my therapist would say
blondie 11:21 PM
that’s some shit that my therapist DID say
artist (lesbian) 11:21 PM
LMFAOOO okay fine u win this one blondie
blondie 11:22 PM
what do i win 👀
artist (lesbian) 11:22 PM
mwah lil smooch on the forehead
blondie 11:24 PM
you’re so gay
artist (lesbian) 11:24 PM
what the fuck ???? ill take it back dont test me
blondie 11:25 PM
nononono you don’t have to do that
i liked it i swear
artist (lesbian) 11:26 PM
no its fine u don’t want my smooches its okay really 🙄
ill keep them to myself
blondie 11:37 PM
AND YOU CALL ME DRAMATIC
artist (lesbian) 11:37 PM
you LITERALLY said “i’m going to eat nails if my bsf talks about his dick again” yesterday
blondie 11:38 PM
it was a valid reaction i don’t need to hear about that shit
i came out for a reason
i don’t wanna hear about men’s dicks anymore
artist (lesbian) 11:39 PM
i hate that i agree with you rn
can we talk about my perfection run again PLEASE
i’m actually gonna die.
blondie 11:40 PM
somehow i doubt that but go ahead bb
if i fall asleep on you i’m sorry
artist (lesbian) 11:41 PM
don’t apologize for that i know ur busy w your internship
i’d offer a goodnight forehead smooch but you seem to hate those so 🙄
blondie 11:42 PM
oh my fucking god.
i never said that.
artist (lesbian) 11:43 PM
oh yeah you just hate me right right
blondie 11:43 PM
we’ve been talking every day for MONTHS can you calm down
maybe it takes one to know one with this dramatic thing jesus
artist (lesbian) 11:44 PM
🤪 🤪 🤪
okay anyway. so i hate sam
September 26, 2024
blondie 1:42 PM
i’m actually about to lose my fucking mind
like what the fuck is wrong with this kid
it’s a fucking law seminar we’re not playing “should A be legal” it’s “this is the law, this is why it was established” like OH MY GOD shut up
degreeless 1:43 PM
it is so early in the morning for you to be so loud
blondie 1:44 PM
you’re really gonna piss me off too?
degreeless 1:44 PM
i need coffee
and like
18 more hours of sleep
blondie 1:45 PM
what time did you go to bed last night
degreeless 1:46 PM
i think like ??? 7 ???
i’m fucking miserable i haven’t slept in a week
whatever
send me a voice memo of your tribulations i like when you do that
blondie 1:47 PM
i will once i’m outside
i’m sorry you haven’t been sleeping well babes :(
anything i can do to help?
degreeless 1:47 PM
no
just happens sometimes
i was having a really good stretch which kind of makes this all way more frustrating
but whatever ! it’s fine ! caffeine is my friend and everything is fine :)
blondie 1:48 PM
i’m glad you’re keeping a positive attitude ?? i guess ??
degreeless 1:49 PM
thank u
blondie 1:50 PM
apologies in advance if this voice message is long btw
i’m actually so fucking pissed
i hate dumbass rich boys
degreeless 1:50 PM
yap away
i’ll be here
November 28, 2024
degreeless 11:21 PM
gonna be so honest
i’m a lil wine drunk
my mom’s fault she bought a nice bottle and i didn’t wanna spit it out for once in my life
also shhh i’m underage but i’m at home so its legal
annnnyway
thank u for being so good to me
u make me feel so normal
i really appreciate you
even though i don’t know who u are
and you don’t know who i am
and i know ur gonna be like aw serial killer but like im so serious
FUCK this is so many words
i hope u dont hate me
that would be really sad
i would be really sad
and that’s not rad
anyway happy thanksgiving lil gay blondie in my phone
wait r u even blonde
or r u a liar blonde
holy fuck i hate football
especially the cowboys why the fuck are their pants a different blue
fuck
this is so many texts
so sorry
hope ur asleep
gettin that beauty sleep :)
or ugly sleep?? you could be ugly and i have no idea that’s fuckign craaaaazy bro
i think ur pretty though
u give off pretty vibes
okokok
shutting up now
happy thanksgiving
dont watch football
November 29, 2024
blondie 8:24 AM
holy shit
January 1, 2025
degreeless 3:48 PM
how was your night
it sounded fun
blondie 3:49 PM
it was good i think
i don’t remember much after the ball dropping
degreeless 3:50 PM
new year’s kiss ???
blondie 3:51 PM
some drunk girl at the party
no idea who
wasn’t good i don’t think
i’d remember if it was good right
degreeless 3:51 PM
idk i was told i kissed a girl and proclaimed it was the best kiss of my life but i have no recollection of any of it
and now i don’t go to parties anymore because that freaked me out
blondie 3:52 PM
makes sense!
what’d you do all night? didn’t go out?
degreeless 3:53 PM
nah i just worked
it was good though lots of good vibes
now i’m just tired and getting ready to do it all again later
blondie 3:54 PM
every day i feel both closer to figuring out what it is you do for work and way further
degreeless 3:54 PM
i fear unless you engaged with it you’d never guess
better for me worse for you
blondie 3:55 PM
that’s okay i like a puzzle
degreeless 3:56 PM
how long’s your winter break?
blondie 3:56 PM
no idea, haven’t checked, don’t want to check
all i know is i really don’t want to make the 3 and a half hour drive with my mom
degreeless 3:57 PM
do u like ur mom i really can’t tell
blondie 3:57 PM
i don’t dislike her
our relationship’s gotten better since high school
idk i don’t hate her but she’s just not my favorite most of the time
degreeless 3:58 PM
i get you
my dad and i were always butting heads when i was in high school but now he’s like my number one confidant
don’t know how, don’t know when that happened, but he’s great
blondie 3:59 PM
that’s so sweet
any new year’s resolutions?
degreeless 4:00 PM
lmao no i don’t believe in it
just another day
blondie 4:00 PM
i’d think you’d have more whimsy than that
degreeless 4:01 PM
you saying “whimsy” sounds so unlike you
blondie 4:02 PM
can a girl not have whimsy???
degreeless 4:02 PM
a girl can sure YOU can’t
blondie 4:03 PM
you’re ridiculous
degreeless 4:03 PM
you love it
April 14, 2025
nerd 10:49 PM
i resent this title.
degreeless 11:02 PM
you called me this nine months ago and it’s stuck ever since and you’re mad about NERD
nerd 11:03 PM
i just resent this specific title
degreeless 11:03 PM
i will change it to dramatic
nerd 11:04 PM
i wonder why i speak to you on a regular basis
degreeless 11:04 PM
well it’s been over a year so you’re stuck with me sucks to suck
:)
nerd 11:05 PM
i hate you.
degreeless 11:05 PM
anyway i have a question
feel free to dodge
nerd 11:06 PM
hit me
degreeless 11:06 PM
you do not strike me as the type to like hitting
i think you’d punch back
and that’s scary
i’m small
nerd 11:07 PM
okay fuck your question for a minute
how tall are you
degreeless 11:08 PM
i don’t know if i wish to answer that question
nerd 11:08 PM
tell me
degreeless 11:09 PM
how tall do you think i am
nerd 11:10 PM
idk like 5’6 or something ??
you gave shorter than me energy but not like dramatically short
degreeless 11:10 PM
i don’t even know how to unpack that entire sentence
i’m 5’3
can/will fluctuate based on shoes
nerd 11:11 PM
what the hell
you’re tiny
degreeless 11:11 PM
oh fuck off
nerd 11:12 PM
nope your words “you’re stuck with me” so
holy shit
lil itty bitty
and you go on about giving ME forehead kisses? you couldn’t even reach my shoulder if you tried
degreeless 11:13 PM
I AM 5’3 ?????
that is NOT that short
what the actual fuck
how tall are you
nerd 11:14 PM
5’8 on a good day :)
degreeless 11:14 PM
oh my fucking fuck
fuck you
whatever
i was gonna be like “hey [question]” all nicely but now i’ve been bullied
what school do you go to
nerd 11:15 PM
doesn’t that defeat the purpose of all of this anonymous stuff
degreeless 11:15 PM
yes but i’m feeling nosy tonight so
what school
nerd 11:16 PM
harvard
degreeless 11:18 PM
HARVARD
you’re fucking joking right
there’s no way you’re fucking serious
HARVARD ????
LIKE ACTUALLY ????????
nerd 11:19 PM
yes lmao
i think i got in on nepotism but i’ll take what i can get
degreeless 11:20 PM
👁️ 👁️
im so scared of you
idek why my bsf also goes to harvard
im actually befuddled
nerd 11:21 PM
it’s cute
i like being ogled by pretty girls
degreeless 11:22 PM
u don’t even know what i look like
nerd 11:22 PM
a genius once told me that pretty vibes are a thing
i’m choosing to believe her
degreeless 11:23 PM
pls stop flirting with me i’m fragile
nerd 11:24 PM
can i lose the nerd title now i don’t think i helped but i did answer your question
degreeless 11:24 PM
yeah fine
HARVARD???? 11:25 PM
oh fuck you
July 8, 2025
elle woods 12:17 AM
can you please let me sleep
jason mendoza 12:17 AM
you could go to sleep at any time and instead you choose to read my yapping about this fuckass show
elle woods 12:18 AM
you’re more entertaining than the prospect of going to sleep and then going to my “fuckass” internship
jason mendoza 12:19 AM
you’re so romantic i could cry
elle woods 12:19 AM
shut up
jason mendoza 12:20 AM
oh calm down you love it
i have some news for you actually
idk how relevant it is because i do like things where they are and change is fucking horrific
i mean this is a big change already
elle woods 12:21 AM
what’s up?
jason mendoza 12:23 AM
i’m moving to cambridge in a month
my bsf was having a hard time finding a roommate and you know how much i’ve wanted something to change recently
it felt like divine timing or some woo woo shit
elle woods 12:24 AM
oh wow
jason mendoza 12:24 AM
i don’t know if you want to tell me who you are and i don’t think i’m ready to tell you who i am
this is like the one good thing i have right now and it’s really scary to think that could change
you’re one of my best friends
and it’s so weird bc normally by now i harass my friends on voice calls and facetime and have their phone numbers and have visited them but this is just different?
i don’t wanna fuck it up
elle woods 12:26 AM
i completely understand
we’ll move at your pace. i don’t need anything more than what we have right now. i’m really happy with where we are.
and you’re one of my best friends too. even without all the frills. i love talking to you every day. and practice flirting with you ;)
jason mendoza 12:26 AM
oh fuck off why did that make me wanna cry
elle woods 12:27 AM
sending you hugs babe
i’m excited to share weather patterns with you <3
you sure your californian ass will survive a mass winter?
jason mendoza 12:28 AM
oh jesus don’t remind me
elle woods 12:29 AM
lmao
alright now tell me a bedtime story