Chapter Text
Kotone Shiomi was never a hair’s breadth away from death. This, she now knew, was entirely literal. That considered, ever since the winter sank its fingers into Tatsumi Port Island, Kotone could feel it more than ever. Somehow, she knew. To stop the dark hour, she would have to die.
It was funny– a year ago, and learning this wouldn’t really have changed much. Kotone would’ve died as she had lived; quiet, unobtrusive, with a smile. Through a strange twist of fate, though…
She actually had something to live for these days. From fighting shadows in the labyrinthian tower of Tartarus to simple mall outings, Kotone suddenly had a plethora of people who actually seemed to care about her. Each and every member of S.E.E.S. depended on her in some way, and with some of them… she depended on them too. Kotone wasn’t hesitant to die if it meant their safety, by all means. But…
Kotone thought of Yukari, on the verge of tears at the mere thought of losing her.
Aigis, walking hand-in-hand with her, always ready to affirm that Kotone was entwined with her reason for being. Ready to show her the most vulnerable parts of herself.
The promised motorcycle rides with Mitsuru, who found the strength to escape her situation without running away. Thanks to her.
Even Koromaru, his old collar kept safely in the bottom drawer of her desk. And all the rest of them. Their smiling faces, their tears, hopes, dreams and sorrows, all entrusted to her.
It brought tears to her eyes. Life was so, so cruel. Why was she the one they trusted, when she was going to leave them so soon?
Why give Kotone what she’s always wanted only to demand her life for the world’s continued survival?
Ultimately, it was a hunch. A feeling. Nothing she could really prove, much less bring up to anyone else. Like a storm, she could feel it coming, but there was no way to verbalize the feeling of fate’s strings around her wrists. Not to mention, she was willing. It hurt her, it would hurt them too. But if it had to be done, Kotone wouldn’t hesitate.
…If she was going to die, though, she couldn’t do it without leaving something behind for them. To soften the blow, if anything. Which was why Kotone sat hunched over her desk with a stack of paper envelopes, a notebook, and a pen on a Sunday afternoon. If she was meant to leave everybody so soon, she’d at least make sure they knew what they meant to her. As the people who made this year the best one she would ever have, she owed it to them.
…
She would be an idiot if she thought letters would be enough. Picking out gifts for everyone was an obvious next step. Kotone found herself standing in front of a store’s window, lost in thought.
What the hell was she going to give to make up for abandoning them like this!?
It was ridiculous to even consider. But it was reality. Dying without doing something like this would be cruel, really. Kotone decided to start simple, picking up some yarn in colors Bebe’s fashion club supplies were lacking. She still hadn’t finished her scarf, after all. The colors she picked were pretty simple– pale yellows, white, orange, and varying shades of cyan and blue. She made sure to get the softest yarn she could find, though for the recipient, that wouldn’t matter very much. She threw in a booklet on fancy knitting patterns as well– she would need it for what she had planned.
Kotone approached the register with her haul. The girl behind the counter– someone from school, maybe? She seemed familiar– smiled in greeting. “Ooh, making something, are we?” Kotone nodded. “For who?” the girl said, conspiratorial. “A boyfriend?” This again… kids at school were always theorizing on which students in the co-ed dorm were secretly dating. They were never correct, of course, but it was still a little bothersome. Kotone shook her head. “Haha, yeah right.” she thought for a second. Might as well play into rumors a little bit. “...It is gonna be for someone special, though.” she admitted.
She was having too much fun, though. After chatting about teachers for a bit, Kotone bid her peer adieu, and escaped back into the outside world, off to make a few more stops before heading home.
…
The way home that evening was peaceful. The street was empty– aside from some Apathy Syndrome victims and Nyx posters, that is– and the icy breeze tousled her auburn hair pleasantly as she walked. She was carrying a few bags from her shopping spree, and the sound of them rustling was an ever-present companion as she walked.
As she made her way to the train station, Kotone stopped, looking up to watch the sunset. It was beautiful, as always. The brink of night always painted the sky in her favorite colors– reds, oranges, pinks. But as the sun sank into the horizon, they all melted away, leaving an abyss of deep blue in their wake. The light had all bled away.
Kotone realized she was crying.
Stupid. You’re being stupid.
Still, she couldn’t help it. Shaking, the girl sat on a nearby bench and pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes. If anybody noticed her quietly sobbing, they did her the mercy of leaving her be. I can’t greet them all like this. Kotone did her best to take deep breaths, pressing her fingernails into her skin. In a minute, she was able to make herself stop. Good. It took longer than normal, but she was relieved nonetheless. She’d need to stay out a little longer, though.
If she went home now, everyone would know something was wrong.
…
Kotone approached the Takoyaki stand with determination, fist clenched around her coin purse. An element of her gift to Maiko may need some bartering, and Tartarus had proven itself to be an endless supply of cash when she needed it.
“Hello! How can I help you today?” The woman running the stand chirped, smiling down at her. “Oh, you don’t have your little friend with you today?” Kotone laughed. “No, not this time… though, I have a really weird request, if you’re willing to hear me out?” She smiled apologetically. The Takoyaki lady gave her a quizzical, though amused, look. “I don’t see why not…!”
Kotone sighed in relief. “Okay, so, this is sort of about the kid I come here with… See, I’m…” She planned this out already, but it was still a little hard to say out loud. “I’m moving soon. Out of town, I mean. And I’m not gonna be able to buy her lunch anymore… I haven’t told her or anything, but I wanted to propose a deal.” The woman nodded sympathetically. Kotone opened the coin purse. “I’ve got 9,999,999 yen here, see?” Kotone smiled as her eyebrows shot up. “...Feel free to count. But I was wondering if, in exchange, you could give her free food from now on?”
The employee blinked once or twice. She stared at the coin purse, before looking back up at Kotone with an unreadable expression. “...I know it sounds stupid, but I swear I’m not-”
“I’ll take it!” She replied. “Here, let me just-” Kotone stood awkwardly for a minute as the woman rummaged around in the stand, before producing a coupon corrected with permanent marker. A lifetime’s supply of takoyaki. In exchange, Kotone was happy to leave the purse behind.
Luckily, I can just use crystals to trade for a doll later, Kotone thought as she slipped the coupon into an envelope, walking off in the direction of the mall. Getting more money wouldn’t be a problem, but it did feel a little freeing to be broke. A nice little reminder that she wouldn’t have to worry about jobs or money in the future. Kotone chuckled at that, shaking her head. God, I really do sound ridiculous.
But never mind that, she wanted to hit the antique store! Kotone picked up her pace a little. She’d have to hurry. She still had to work on the scarf, gather some intel, go to Tartarus to train everyone tonight, work on her letters, so on and so forth…
Kotone was startled out of her train of thought by a familiar hand waving in her face. “Hellooooo? Earth to Koko-chan!” Junpei hollered, a grin on his face. “You okay, leader? Ya look like a zombie!”
“Junpei…! Uh, sorry. Didn’t notice you there.” Kotone fixed a smile on her own face, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “What’s up?”
Her boisterous friend adjusted his baseball cap, looking perplexed. “Uh, you said you’d meet up with us at Chagall, right? Yukarichi’s been looking everywhere! She’s totally worried.”
“Did I…?” Kotone blurted. Shit. I totally did, didn’t I? She was shocked she’d forgotten, honestly. “...Right. I-I just had an errand to run. Let’s go find her, then!”
Kotone started walking, but Junpei stayed put. She looked back at him. Ah. He looked genuinely concerned now. “Hey… You feeling okay? You’re not usually this spacy, man.”
Kotone bit the inside of her cheek. “I’m fine. There’s just a lot on my mind, y’know?” She replied. “...Promised day coming up and all…” He nodded, smiling again. “Haha, Right. Don’t worry so much, leader! We’re gonna kick Nyx’s ass!” Junpei emphasized that last part by throwing a punch into the air.
Kotone chuckled. “Yeah, you’re right. Now let’s find Yuka, or she’ll kick our asses!”
The two of them walked off to the mall, chatting. Though she wouldn’t admit it, Kotone was glad to be distracted from her mission, temporary as it was. She’d have to be more careful, but for now, she would enjoy one of the few lazy afternoons she had left.
…
The clock in her room showed the time as 1:33.
Everyone got back from Tartarus and dispersed to their respective rooms, most of them tucking into bed as soon as possible. Kotone welcomed the peace and quiet, but decided to work on her letters rather than sleep. She was still struggling with Rio’s, especially. What am I going to say, Have fun playing tennis without me next year because I DIED? Ridiculous. Nobody ever prepared you for the sheer absurdity of death. Kotone crumpled up the draft and kicked it under her desk.
Suddenly, there was a knock at her door. She jumped, rapidly shoving everything in a desk drawer and throwing on a sweater over her short-sleeved pajama shirt. “It’s unlocked, come in!” she chirped.
The door was slowly swung open, revealing Mitsuru in her leather jacket, gently haloed by the hallway light. She smiled fondly. “Were you sitting here in the dark, Shiomi?”
Looking around, she supposed she had been. Kotone shrugged. “The moon’s bright enough…?” Mitsuru shook her head. “You’ll ruin your eyes like that… well, not the point of my visit. I know it’s late, but I was thinking, and…” she looked away. “Kotone, would you like to join me for a ride?”
Kotone stared, dumbfounded. “Really? I mean, of course! But… why?”
Mitsuru giggled. “I just thought you might need some fresh air. I realize I said we’d go after defeating Nyx, but ah, c’est la vie.” She leaned against the doorframe. “...To be honest, I also just wanted to spend some time with you, if that’s alright.” Kotone made the mistake of looking her senpai in the eyes. Nobody could resist that look, she thought. It was unclear exactly whether or not Mitsuru knew she had such a compelling ‘sad puppy’ look, but it worked regardless.
Kotone blushed. “Ah… let me get dressed, and then I’d love to.”
…
Kotone adjusted her scarf as she quietly padded down the stairs. Mitsuru was already in the lounge, gazing silently at the counter from her spot to the left of the door. Noticing her presence, though, Mitsuru smiled again, beckoning her. Kotone trotted over.
“Admittedly, I don’t have an extra helmet for you, but I’m sure you’ll be fine just this once,” Mitsuru said. Kotone offered Mitsuru her motorcycle key with a smile. “I’ll just have to hold on extra tightly then, huh?” she replied, mischief in her voice. Mitsuru took the key, her hand lingering against the shorter girl’s. She hummed in agreement. “For your own safety, I suppose.” she murmured.
The two of them stepped into the cold night together, and Kotone waited by the front door as Mitsuru brought the bike out from a shed behind the building. The sleek, black vehicle gleamed in the moonlight. In one graceful motion, Mitsuru mounted the machine, slipping a helmet over her head. Though Kotone could no longer see her face, she could tell her senpai was looking at her expectantly. She smiled, finding her way onto the motorcycle herself, wrapping her arms around the taller girl.
“Ready?”
“Mhm!”
With a roar of the engine, they were off. Speeding through the empty streets, Kotone couldn’t help but laugh, a surprised, joyful sound. It was no wonder that Mitsuru chose this as her method of transportation, her escape.
As they sped through the familiar streets of Iwatodai, The icy air clawed at her, stinging her unprotected eyes. Though Mitsuru wasn’t much warmer, she found herself burying her face in the crook of her neck. Mitsuru startled at that. Kotone raised her head.
“Ah, sorry-”
“No, it’s fine.” Mitsuru interrupted. “You just surprised me. Please, go ahead.”
Kotone chuckled, before settling back in. if Mitsuru’s stilted tone was anything to go by, she wasn’t just surprised. Maybe she’d pay for teasing her later.
She sighed. This really was nice. The city was really pretty at night, without the sickly green glow of dark hour. The soft silvery light of natural nighttime painted the city in ways you just couldn’t get during the day. Guess it isn’t so bad after all.
Looking ahead of them, Kotone could see Moonlight Bridge coming up. She idly wondered where they were headed, but she didn’t really care. She closed her eyes, breathing in Mitsuru’s spicy-sweet perfume, letting the motor’s purr and the howling wind drown out all thought.
At some point, Kotone realized they had come to a stop. Mitsuru laughed lightly. “Are you still awake?” she asked. “Maybe I should’ve waited after all.”
“I’m fine, Mitsu-san.” she replied, affection lacing her tone. Looking around, it seemed they had stopped somewhere near Port Island Station. The two of them dismounted, and Mitsuru lead her down a walkway to a small balcony overlooking the sea. “I don’t think I’ve been here before,” Kotone murmured. Mitsuru smiled. “Hmm. It’s somewhere I like to visit now and then. Good for when you need to get away from it all.” Kotone nodded. “...The view’s pretty.”
Indeed, the view was breathtaking. The half-full moon watched over them, it’s light reflected in the rippling water below. Stars shimmered and blinked above them. There was something melancholy about it, though. Kotone wondered how many of these beautiful nights would be left. If the moon was anything to go by, she didn’t have much longer. If she was wrong, the world itself could be gone soon. The moon bore down indiscriminately.
Kotone needed a distraction. Mitsuru was leaning against the balcony, so she mimicked the other girl’s posture, leaning her head against her shoulder. She could feel Mitsuru’s gaze.
“Something’s been on your mind, hasn’t it?” she asked quietly. “You’ve been on your own more as of late.”
Kotone bit the inside of her cheek, thinking over how to respond. “...The 31st is coming up soon.” she started.
“... I guess I’ve been thinking about it a lot. All over town, you can see it. The promised day is coming.” she laughed bitterly. “Almost everyone you talk to has something to say about the end.”
“...Indeed.” Mitsuru replied. Kotone sighed. She should’ve known it would be harder to escape her scrutiny.
Kotone dug her nails into her palms. “...hey, if we… if we beat Nyx, and save the world, but one of us dies in the process… what would you think?” she finally asked. The question lingered in the frozen air. Mitsuru reached over to ease the tension in her hands. “I would like to say I’d be proud of them for laying down their life so nobly. Dying for the sake of all life would be honorable.” Kotone met her gaze. “But…?”
“But I would want it to be me, if anyone.” Mitsuru admitted. “I would rather die myself than lose any of you. You’re all… so, so very precious to me, you know.” she looked at kotone softly, a gentle smile at her lips. “Why do you ask?”
Kotone swallowed, looking down at her hands. She couldn’t look her in the eyes now.
“...I feel the same way.”