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It isn’t always like this, so hard.
Cassie knows this. She has to know this, because if she didn’t she would’ve run for the hills years and years ago and never looked back. Still, it’s easier to believe when it’s coming from Dana’s pretty mouth.
Her pretty mouth—that’s where Cassie is focused as Dana breathes out a long column of smoke, head tilted towards the sky. She lets her cigarette dangle down from two long fingers, flicking the end with the edge of her thumb until ashes flutter down onto stained cement. Cassie looks at the cigarette, then Dana’s hand, with similar longing. She figures it would be easier to ask for the former.
“Can I have a drag of that?” Cassie says, gesturing needlessly with her head, arms crossed tight over her chest.
Dana raises an eyebrow. “I thought you quit.”
“I did,” Cassie says, unable to help but feel defensive. “Mostly. Just… long day, you know?”
“Uh huh,” Dana says, which is more of a drawl because Dana drawls. Dana tilts her head and looks at her, really looks. “Tell you what, honey, how about I take you home instead?”
Cassie says, “I can drive. I’m not that tired—”
“Cassie,” Dana says, one corner of her lips lifting. She lets the cigarette drop to the ground, puts it out with an efficient twist of her ankle. “Let me take you home.”
“Oh,” Cassie says, and then blushes, feeling slow, clumsy. “Yeah, okay.”
Dana drives even though Cassie insists. Dana’s car is by now familiar; Cassie knows to expect the blend of cigarette smoke and spiced perfume, knows that Dana won’t start the car until Cassie has buckled her seatbelt.
Dana likes to roll the windows down when she drives home on the highway at night. The wind whips into Cassie's face. She can barely keep her eyes open. Cassie lets her head fall back against the headrest and turns to look at Dana.
Dana is speeding. She drives with her left hand on the top of the wheel, her right hand cupping the gear shift idly, though the car isn’t stick shift. She speeds, though she isn’t frantic: everything is controlled, smooth. Cassie thinks that she could stand on top of the car while Dana drives and never stumble.
Dana’s eyes don’t leave the road—that’s the one thing she doesn’t risk—but she reaches over to squeeze Cassie’s forearm, once, twice.
Cassie closes her eyes and breathes.
Dana takes them to Cassie’s home, because she thinks about things like this.
“Do you want a drink, sweetheart?” Dana asks after Cassie lets them in, already angling towards the kitchen.
“This is my house, you know,” Cassie says, kicking off her shoes.
Dana says over her shoulder, “I know.”
Cassie drifts towards the couch and flops down. She feels like she could melt and seep into the cushions and stay there forever. She lets her eyes flutter shut. From the kitchen: the sound of cupboards opening and closing, glasses clinking onto marble countertop. Cassie can imagine Dana now, moving around the kitchen like she owns the place, always in control. Unbidden, a shiver tingles along Cassie’s spine.
“Abysmal wine selection.”
Cassie cracks one eye open. Dana has appeared in front of her now with two glasses in hand and a bottle of red already uncorked. “I don’t get paid enough to be picky with my wine.”
“Fair enough,” Dana says, coming to sit beside her. She pours them both a good amount, considers, then pours some more. She hands one to Cassie. “Cheers.”
Cassie clinks her glass to Dana and drains it in one long drink.
Dana says with a laugh, “Take it easy,” but she pours Cassie another without her needing to ask. “Long day, huh?”
“One way to put it,” Cassie mutters. She considers downing this one, too, but there’s already warmth tingling in her belly, and she doesn’t want Dana to have to carry her to bed tonight (not like that, at least). Cassie lifts one leg, folding it beneath her. “If I have to deal with one more impatient, horrible asshole, I’m gonna quit. Dana, I swear I’m gonna quit.”
“You and I both know there will be others,” Dana says with a half-smile. “But that’s our job. To save people, no matter how much of an asshole they are.”
Cassie glares into her glass.
Dana says, folding her legs up beneath her, “Tell me something good that happened today.”
“Nothing,” Cassie says, knowing she sounds petulant. “Literally nothing good happened today, Dana.”
Dana raises an eyebrow. “Not with that attitude.”
“Dana, come on.” Cassie is close to whining, is whining, actually, which should be embarrassing. But it’s Dana, who just smiles and laughs again and is so patient with her.
“You saved a few lives,” Dana says. “Robby brought in donuts. We didn’t have any abscess patients.”
“Thank god,” Cassie mutters. She cedes, “The donuts were good.”
“They were, weren’t they?” Dana finishes her glass, sets it on the coffee table. She shifts a little closer so that their knees are touching. “And the day isn’t over yet.” Cassie shivers when Dana’s palm finds its way to rest on her thigh.
“Yeah?” Cassie tips the rest of her drink down her throat. Dana’s thumb brushing back and forth. “You gonna make my day better?”
Dana chuckles, low and throaty. “I can think of a few ways.”
Which is how they end up in Cassie’s bedroom. Dana has her pressed against the door, which is ridiculous because they’re both too old for this, and because there’s a bed right there, but Cassie can’t think to protest with Dana mouthing at her throat, her hands already under the waistband of Cassie’s scrubs.
Cassie arches and gasps when Dana finds her clit through her panties. She’s drenched, the fabric wet enough that there isn’t nearly enough friction. Cassie whines low in her throat and bucks her hips and squeezes her eyes shut when Dana laughs.
“Needed this bad, huh?” Dana murmurs, pressing in harder.
“Yeah,” Cassie gasps, breathless. Her hands grasp at Dana’s scrubs, curling into fists in the material and keeping her close. “Dana, please—“
Dana slips her pantries to the side and finds her clit with two fingers now, rubbing tight circles. Cassie’s head falls back against the door, whimpering despite herself. Dana leans in and kisses her, working her harder. Her free hand grips Cassie’s hip, keeping her pinned in place. The lack of control is dizzying—Cassie can do nothing but take it, the stimulation bordering on severe.
“That feel good, sweetheart?” Dana says against her lips.
“Yeah, so good.” Cassie is borderline delirious now, and then goes even more fuzzy when Dana presses two fingers into her all at once. She whines and tries to bear down on Dana’s fingers, squirming. She’s so full. “More, Dana, I need…”
She jerks when Dana begins to move, slow at first but rapidly picking up pace. Cassie can hear the wet squelch of her cunt, her own high-pitched moans, Dana’s heavy breathing. She’s hurtling higher and higher now, vision fading at the corners.
Dana curls her fingers.
“There you go, baby, good girl,” Dana coos, finding her clit again with her thumb. “Come for me, Cass.”
And Cassie listens. She arches off the door with a low groan, hips bucking erratically. Dana works her through it, whispering sweet things into her ear until Cassie has come down.
“Holy fuck, Dana,” Cassie says with an exhausted laugh.
Dana just smiles at her, her stupidly sexy smile that makes Cassie clench again around her fingers. Dana removes her hand from between her thighs, lifting her wrist between them so that they can both see the way her fingers are glistening in the light with Cassie’s wet.
“Clean them for me, baby,” Dana says. Cassie’s cheeks flush.
It should be embarrassing how quick Cassie is to lean forward and suck her fingers into her mouth, moaning at the taste of herself. She hollows her cheeks, tracing the underside of Dana’s fingers with her tongue, her eyes fluttering shut. Cassie can hear the way that Dana’s breathing has gone heavier now.
“Good girl,” Dana says, voice strained.
Dana pulls her fingers from Cassie’s mouth, waiting for Cassie to open her eyes before she kisses her, licking into her mouth. Then Dana’s palms press Cassie’s shoulders, urging her onto her knees. Cassie looks up at her, licking her lips. She reaches for the waistband of Dana’s scrubs.
Dana sighs, weaves her fingers through Cassie’s hair, urging her closer. “Good fucking girl.”