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“Shane…” Ilya said but Shane just shook his head. His body trembled as he stood up, shaking his hands as if they were wet.
It was all too much. His heart raced. It felt like everything was falling apart. The carefully crafted card house collapsed and he couldn't fucking breathe.
He pressed the heel of his hand against his sternum, his ears rang and the stupid scratchy label of his t-shirt irritated his skin no matter how he pulled at the seam.
A warm hand appeared at Shane's back and he almost shied away reflexively. He wanted to run, he wanted to hide. He wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to fucking stop.
“Hey…” Ilya murmured into Shane's ear. “Breathe.”
Shane shook his head violently, eyes pressed closed. A hand appeared on his cheek, holding his face and gently stopping the motion.
“Shhh…” Ilya brushed a finger over the wet skin of Shane's cheek. “Breathe in.”
Shane forced the muscles in his chest to cooperate. A sob or two rocked through him as he sucked in some air.
“Good. And now out.”
Shane felt the air rushing out of him as if he was just observing. As if he wasn't part of his own body anymore.
“Again.”
He shook his head, but was stopped by Ilya.
“I said: ‘again’. You need to breathe.”
Shane fought the lump in his throat as he took a deep breath.
“More.”
Shane focussed on the warm hands touching him until his lungs expanded as much as possible.
“And now out.”
Shane did, and the nerve endings in his hand prickled less than before. The label was still scratchy, but he focused on the feel of Ilya’s skin against his.
“Good. You're doing it so good,” Ilya’s voice was calm and quiet.
Shane continued to breathe like this and the noise quieted down around him.
He leaned forward a little and Ilya was there. His body still trembled as he rested his forehead against Ilya’s shoulder, his nose pressed into the triangle above Ilya’s collar bone.
“Shhhh…”
Strong, warm arms sneaked around him hugging him tightly, folding Shane's arms against his chest.
“I’m here. I'm not going away.”
Shane shook his head.
“You're okay. We’re okay.”
“Nothing is okay,” Shane said hoarsely. Nothing. And it will never be.
Shane's entire body tensed again. Ilya's warm hand rubbed up and down his spine.
“It will be okay.”
Shane shook his head
“Do you trust me?”
Shane nodded.
“Then trust me with this.”
And then Shane sobbed as if a dam in him had broken. His fingertips pressed into Ilya's back muscles, holding on to him for dear life. He felt as if he was falling apart, losing control.
“What do you need?”
Shane tried to hide his face as Ilya attempted to look at him.
“Tell me.”
He avoided Ilya's eyes until he grasped Shane by the chin.
“Shane, tell me what you need so I can help you.”
“You,” Shane said quickly, meeting Ilya's eyes. Once he looked at him, Shane couldn't look away again. As if they had their own kind of physical laws.
“I need you.”
Ilya tilted his head, face so soft. So full of love, it hurt.
“How?”
But Shane couldn't say anything more. He dropped to his knees and pressed his head against Ilya's crotch. He couldn't open his eyes, nor look up.
He took a deep breath as he pressed his face against Ilya, who stroked his hands through Shane's hair.
“Can we do anything right now? Anything to make it stop?” Shane muffled into the fabric, feeling Ilya's soft cock pressed against his chin.
“I don't think so, our agent is and PR is on it.”
“Can you make me stop thinking then?”
Ilya tugged gently at Shane's roots, tilting his head back.
“Is that what you want?”
Shane swallowed. “Please. Shut it off.”
Ilya brushed his thumb over Shane's cheek bone.
“I need…” he needed the world go quiet he needed…
“...you.”
Ilya's face was impossibly soft while his eyes, usually so bright, darkened. He pressed against his crotch again and Shane nuzzled his face against the thickening length, enjoying the feeling of Ilya's cock hardening though the track pants.
He began kissing him through the fabric until he was rock hard and stretching the pants, a dark spot appearing on the fabric.
“Hands behind your back,” Ilya murmured as Shane fumbled (fahrig) for the waistband to pull Ilya’s trousers down. Shane stopped immediately, letting out a needy whine as he stared at his goal.
“Take a breath.”
Shane did as he was told, impatient by the view right in front of him.
“Good. Go on. No hands.”
Promptly Shane tried to pinch the seam between his teeth, his hand behind his back, grasping his elbows. He loved a challenge.
Ilya groaned as Shane pressed his head against his six-pack until he finally managed to grasp it and pull it down.
Shane didn't wait a second until he licked along the shaft with his flat tongue feeling him twitch underneath.
“Fuck, Hollander,” Ilya murmured and Shane looked up into Ilya's eyes as he took the tip into his mouth circling it with his tongue.
Shane hummed at the musky taste of precome on his tongue. It was difficult to do this hands free. So much more to focus on. Slowly he took him deeper and deeper and he could tell that Ilya was fighting against the urge to rock his hips.
“Oh, tishe…tishe,” Ilya murmured cupping Shane's hollowed cheek. Shane closed his eyes and relaxed his jaw, his throat and into the feeling of Ilya’s cock deep in his throat.
His own cock pressed against the fabric of his jeans and he longed to touch himself. Instead of doing that, he grasped his elbows tighter and slowly began to bob his head pushing Ilya deeper and deeper until his lips met the base.
“Fuck, Shane,” Ilya groaned. “ty svodish menya s uma.”
Ilya ran his fingers softly through Shane's hair, tears ran down Shane's face.
“Look at you. You're so fucking perfect. So perfect at everything.”
Shane pulled back a little and sucked in air though his nose. Before he could continue, Ilya pulled out, holding Shane by a fist full of hair.
“I want to fuck your mouth,” he said, breathing hard.
Shane gasped. He was desperate to feel Ilya again.
“Please” Shane whispered, licking his lips in anticipation.
Shane adjusted his knees on the soft rug.
“Hands on my thighs. I know you love a challenge, but you have to tap out when it's too much.”
Ilya looked intensely into Shane's eyes until he nodded.
“Not enough. I need words.”
“I’ll tap out if I need a break.”
“Good.” He pressed his thumb against his lips and Shane welcomed the digit in and suckled softly while he grabbed Ilya's thighs.
The thumb was quickly replaced by Ilya's cock.
“You're not allowed to come,” Ilya said before he took hold of Shane's head with both hands. Shane hummed as he slid along his tongue deeper and deeper and deeper. His eyes burned.
“Fuck, look how pretty you are,” Ilya said before he started to move. Shane’s only focus was to relax his throat and jaw, the feeling of Ilya's cock sliding along his tongue, the feeling around his lips whenever he met the base, his hands gripping Ilya's thighs.
“You take me so well, Hollander. Made for me.”
This was everything. His own cock twitched with every thrust and Shane breathed in rhythm whenever he got a chance. His hands sneaked up to grab Ilya’s butt.
“Ya tebya lyublyu.”
And this was it. There was nothing in this world but Ilya in front of him, his cock in his mouth, taking care of him, making him feel good. All he needed.
Ilya tapped his cheek to warn him and let go of Shane's head to give him the option. He pushed Ilya as deep as possible and held him there as he came.
He groaned something indistinguishable in Russian.
Shane swayed on his knees as Ilya pulled out, high on whatever this was. Ilya knelt in front of him, a fingertip underneath his chin. Shane smiled, mind still far away, but never felt that present before.
“Thank you,” Shane breathed.
Ilya kissed him slowly, his tongue stroking along Shane's and Shane melted in his arms.
“Did you come?”
Shane shook his head.
“Good,” he murmured, sending a shiver down Shane's spine. He kissed Shane behind his ear and nibbled along his earlobe.
“I’m not done with you.”
Shane's stomach fluttered and he grinned. He wanted to say something, but words didn't come to his mind.
He followed Ilya to his feet, swaying slightly after kneeling for so long.
Shortly after, he found his legs wrapped around Ilya's waist and was carried to the bedroom.
The mattress was soft and Ilya’s skin warm on his. His eyes were closed and he relaxed into the countless kisses Ilya peppered all over his body.
“You’re so good. The way you took me, you let me fuck your mouth. God's…”
He pushed Shane's legs up, thighs to his chest. A lubed finger pressed against his hole and Shane sighed when he felt him pressing in.
Fuck, this was so fucking good. But knowing Ilya, he never settled on just good.
Shane was certain he might faint as Ilya took his cock into his mouth, working him in time with the rhythm of his fingers. Taking him deep. Shane wanted to watch, but he couldn't. Not with Ilya sending waves of pleasure though him with his skilled fingers.
“Holy shit,” Shane gasped.
His legs trembled. It was all the right amount of too much. He moaned and sighed and groaned and gasped without being able to hold back. He would have forgotten his name if Ilya hadn’t whispered it like a prayer, Shane's cock abandoned in favour of pressing soft kisses to every part of Shane he could reach. He told Shane how good he was. How perfect, how much he loved him, pushing him higher and higher, until Shane felt as if he was about to burst.
Shane replied, telling Ilya how much he loved him. How he would do anything for Ilya. He didn’t know if those words were formed outside his head. It didn't matter.
“Come for me,” he heard Ilya say and Shane let go. He couldn't remember if he had ever come that hard.
His body buzzed as he floated on this fluffy cloud, every single muscle that had been so tense was fully relaxed. Ilya kissed along the insides of Shane's thighs, then his upper body up to the crook of his neck. Along Shane's jaw until he finally reached his mouth. Shane welcomed Ilya’s tongue and melted even further into the mattress.
“You're everything to me.” Ilya murmured to Shane's lips. “I’m going to clean you. You made quite a mess.”
Usually Shane would’ve tensed, but not this time. “I take care of you,” Ilya added and clearly smiled while he kissed Shane once more.
Shane sighed deeply and smiled softly to himself, eyes closed while he waited for Ilya.
He felt a warm damp towel cleaning his face, wiping away the dried salvia at his chin, the tears which were quickly replaced by new ones, happy ones. Accompanied by butterfly kisses and whispered declarations of love and devotion.
Shane felt so warm, so cared for, so complete.
Shane sighed as Ilya cleaned his cock and butt, twitching at the sensitivity.
A warm blanket was draped over him and tucked in at the side followed by a full body hug. His favourite weighed blanket.
Shane felt at peace. He was where he wanted to be with the love of his life.
“Mmemmmy… me,” he mumbled.
“Hm?”
“Marrimme…”
Ilya's arms squeezed him tighter. “Yes…” he said wetly.
“Yes. I want to marry you.”