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As a Seeker of Truth, Cassandra knew more than most. In fact there were few of the order’s secrets that Cassandra wasn’t privy to. And that was because those were meant only for the Lord Seeker to know. Not that the soulmate thing was a secret. Hard to keep it so when every Seeker got one. But it was one of the most well guarded from the general public, for obvious reasons. Not even their sister order, the Templars, knew about that. Not even most of the ranks of the Chantry proper. So one could understand Cassandra’s reluctance to embrace her soulbond when he turned out to be an author who’d published everything about his best friend’s life, to the most minute detail. Someone who was petty, defiant, and unable to take her seriously. And with a penchant for lying to her too!
So Cassandra, Seeker of Truth and Right Hand of the Divine, concealed the truth. She didn’t lie. Maker knows she did not! She merely postponed telling him, so if Leliana would stop with the pointed little looks it would be fine, alright? Yet Cassandra couldn’t leave her soulmate in the dangerous gaatlok barrel that Kirwall had been becoming for a while. So she did what any self-respecting Nevarran princess, even a nine times removed one, would do and strongly advised him to take her invitation to accompany her to the Conclave. He called it kidnapping, of course, but the dwarf was well versed in twisting the facts to his side. Both knew he could have escaped had he wanted to.
The thing was, Cassandra never could have expected the Conclave to explode nor the sky to rend, nor anything that followed after that. Maybe she should have left him behind in Kirwall. Wasn’t there a saying about lightning striking twice in the same place? Of course those fools that spouted it had obviously never fought a mage before, so Cassandra had ample reason to not believe them. Maybe it was the aggravating dwarf’s presence that was causing all those sacred places to spontaneously combust. As a dragon, that looked suspiciously like an archdemon, flew above Haven spewing fire, Cassandra was inclined to believe that. Varric was going three for three after all.
Unfortunately, Cassandra’s soulmate had grown on her during their travels with the Herald, like a fungus in the damp of a cave. Even if she refused to think him funny or admit she enjoyed his books very much. Still, when a stray red templar charged the unsuspecting dwarf as they led the helpless population of Haven to safety, which wasn’t much more than merely putting space between them and the immediate danger really, Cassandra didn’t think. She jumped in the way, shield raised in front of Varric. And got a thick red lyrium shard impaling her in the belly for her trouble. The last thing Cassandra saw as she fell to the snow was the same templar falling with a few arrows sticking through his chest. Her last thought was that at least she didn’t fall for nothing, the others were safe. And if by others she’d really meant Varric, no-one could judge her much. Well, the Maker could and she would be meeting him soon anyway. So everyone else could just let her be.
When Cassandra woke up next, she was in a cold and dark tent and could hear the final notes of the Dawn Will Come being sung outside. She tried to sit up in the bed, but flopped back down with a disgusted groan. Getting impaled in the gut did make that more difficult than it would normally be. Maybe once the more serious injuries were treated and the mages had a chance to recharge, she could ask Dorian to help her heal quicker. It was not the time to be lying useless in convalescence. With a dramatic sigh, that she would hardly ever admit to having let pass her lips, Cassandra tried to sit up once again. She succeeded with more effort than she would have liked. She proceeded to look around the tent and froze as her eyes fell on Varric’s brown ones.
“Would you look at that”, Varric exclaimed with forced lightness in his tone from his seat a few steps away, “The Seeker finally joins us! Thought you’d have stayed in the Fade.”
“You sound glad I did not.” Cassandra did not mean for her words to sound so accusatory.
“Of course!” Varric sounded bewildered, but that couldn’t be right. Maybe, Cassandra was dismayed to admit, she lost a bit too much blood.
“I thought you would be glad to be free of my domineering presence”, Cassandra inquired. Her voice only sounded weird because she had just suffered a heavy blow, and nothing else. She was sure of it!
“Not when you took the hit for me!” Varric said way too loudly. It caused her headache to flare and she winced. Maybe that was his latest plan; to annoy her without acquiring the rest of their party’s ire. Cassandra clicked her tongue in annoyance at the inconvenience.
“I’ll keep that in mind the next time I save you”, she replied drily. She wasn’t even trying to make a joke, which Varric knew because his Seeker was unable to make one to save her life.
“Next time!” he yelled, then took a moment to calm down. “There won’t be a next time, alright? Why did you even jump in to save me? I had him.”
What Varric might have expected was for Cassandra to throw an accusation or criticism. Or maybe spout some self-righteous chantry shit. What he did not expect was for her to blush and avert her gaze. Varric would have bet serious money that the seeker was incapable of being self-conscious. And, apparently, he would have lost. Several sovereigns at the very least.
“Don’t get shy on me now, Seeker”, he prodded. Because, of course, he couldn’t leave it alone. He was as much a dog with a bone when it came to sniffing out stories as she was, Cassandra was loath to admit.
“I would have saved anyone”, the seeker tried to shrug the question away. And even though she was technically telling the truth, there was something off in her tone that gave Varric pause.
“But you knew I had him”, he insisted, “and you gave him an opening to shield me.”
“What are you trying to say?” Cassandra sighed with irritation that for once it wasn’t directed at the dwarf but at herself, not that she would ever tell him that.
“You took a heavy hit when you didn’t need to”, Varric pressed, voice a mix of gentle and curious, “I’m here wondering why.”
“I do not wish to discuss this anymore”, she announced, sounding more awkward than insistent.
“Well, too bad. Consider it payback for your oh so delightful interrogation back in Kirkwall”, Varric teased and Cassandra clicked her tongue again.
“Ugh, fine!” she sighed, “I should have told you sooner anyway.”
“Told me what, exactly?” Varric wasn’t sure he liked this anymore. What could a Seeker of Truth need to tell him? And why was the brash woman so reluctant to actually speak it out loud?
“What I tell you must remain a secret”, she warned fiercely, “It concerns people’s safety.”
“Alright.” Varric was so curious now.
“That means no putting it in one of your books”, she warned.
“Fine.”
“Nor spouting it in one of your tavern stories”, Cassandra warned once again.
“Alright! I get it!” Varric exclaimed, hands rising with his voice, “I won’t tell a soul.”
“Are you willing to vow to this?”
“Sure”, the dwarf agreed way too readily. He was too curious to back away now. That the seeker actually looked calmer after his agreement was just even more perplexing. When did Cassandra Pentaghast ever choose to trust Varric’s word so easily?
“As you may be aware, we Seekers aren’t born with our powers”, Cassandra started quietly.
“You go through a rite to get them, right?”
“Yes, that is quite accurate”, Cassandra confirmed and then took a moment to swallow the dryness in her throat. “However, our powers are not all we are granted.”
“What?” Varric exclaimed, surprised at the turn the conversation had gotten. Cassandra wouldn’t be divulging a secret of her order to divert his curiosity. She was too upright for that.
“We also acquire a soulmate”, she continued without preamble. There was a breath of shocked silence.
“Really! You! Have a soulmate! And what? You hated the poor bastard so much you had to just die saving me?” Varric rushed to joke but then his eyes widened as he realized the connection between this secret and his earlier question. “Oh, shit!”
A moment passed. Then another. And one more. Cassandra was becoming increasingly uncomfortable as what she feared most seemed to be becoming reality right before her. Of course the dwarf wouldn’t like this. Of course he wouldn’t want her. Of course he would be thinking about how to get around his vow and spill this insurmountable secret to the whole of Thedas. Cassandra should have kept quiet. But however long was a seeker of truth supposed to keep the truth?
“It is unlike you to be out of words”, she prodded. And if there was a vulnerability in her voice that she couldn’t quite hide? Well, she blamed her most recent near death experience, of course! Leliana was not right, Cassandra was not developing feelings for her soulmate! That was just the romanticism the spymaster refused to let go of talking. Oh how Cassandra wished she could still believe that! But sitting in her recovery bed, looking at the dwarf that Andraste’s loving hand had granted her, Cassandra wasn’t so sure she could anymore.
“Just give me a moment”, Varric stated while placing a hand on his brow, “It’s a lot to just spring on a dwarf like that.”
“I understand”, Cassandra did her best to not sound accusing, or hurt, but she wasn’t quite sure she was succeeding, “It does not have to change anything.”
“Is that why you hid it?” Varric’s tone was more hurt than accusatory, while insecurities he’d thought he’d buried in the past raised their ugly heads like weeds growing out of graves.
“No! Of course not!”
“Nughumper! Am I just not good enough for the esteemed seeker? Or is my fallen house too lowly for a princess?” Varric couldn’t help the venom that had just spewed from his mouth. He was just too hurt to try and hide it. He needed to lash and Cassandra, though greatly wounded, was the cause of his hurt and thus the perfect target for his words.
“By Andraste’s sacred flames! Of course not. It isn’t just me I had to think about. It was the other seekers. My feelings weren’t important enough in the face of their safety”, Cassandra’s voice was small but her words never wavered, “All I knew about you then was that you had written a book about every little detail of the Champion’s life and looked like you had the least possible capacity of concern towards the Chantry and anything related. Including the order.”
“And since then?” Varric’s words weren’t angry nor venomous anymore, but they were pointed.
“I was afraid”, Cassandra admitted, “that after all that had happened between us, after all I’d done, you would reject me.”
“So you rejected me instead?”
“I never rejected you, Varric”, Cassandra sighed. It was tired and pained and defeated. He’d never heard her like that and it made him uncomfortable. His seeker was always a prime bantering partner because she could take it and give it back. Brash, confident, adorably taciturn. And when that failed she never shied from turning to threats. That was who she was. And if Varric found that endearing, well it still wasn’t as weird as Bull getting respectfully turned on by killing a dragon, so everyone else could shut it. But now, barely managing to remain sitting, she wasn’t any of those things. She was vulnerable, hurt and bared. Void blast it! It made Varric’s heart squeeze painfully.
“Yeah, fine”, Varric dismissed with a smile, “Let’s get you better, so that we can argue about it properly.”
“And after that?” Cassandra asked with a small hopeful lift of her lips.
“Well, Seeker, we have the rest of our story to make.”
“I would like that very much”, she admitted and promptly fainted, having strained herself much more than her current constitution would allow. Varric yelped and jumped up from his seat conflicted between running to her side or going to find a healer. There she went again, giving him a scare without even trying. Oh how he looked forward to breaking out of that routine. Theirs was sure going to be quite a story, even if he never actually got to write it down. But first things first. He had to get the stubborn warrior to rest and heal. Great ancestors, he had his work cut out for him. Yet Varric, worried as he was, could not help but smile.