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During his red eye, cramped military flight to Bolivia, Jay Halstead thought about all the things he would probably never experience again. A mile long foot chase down Chicago’s busy streets in -8 degree weather. A boys night with Ruzek and Atwater at Molly’s. An early morning workout and range session with his partner who he couldn’t live without. The way his wife looked at him before he left her behind in the apartment they moved into together. He added all those things and many others to the compartment in the back of his brain that he would choose to ignore. He needed to go, he needed something else that wasn’t Chicago and Voight and the reminder of every horrible thing that had ever happened to him. He wished that leaving his city didn’t mean leaving her too. But, just like Hailey Anne Upton Halstead said to him all those years ago, “you gain something, you give something up.”
He gave her up, and as soon as the divorce papers arrived, it became the thing that he could never tuck away. There was no hiding from the agony of knowing that he had broken every promise that he had ever made to her. He had told her once that she would never be without him, what a liar he had proved himself to be. All of the sudden, he was once again the lost soul that she saved, and there was no badass angel from Robbery-Homicide to rescue him. Bolivia was a blur, and Jay found himself back on American soil sooner than he ever thought he would. He didn’t go home, he couldn’t. Instead he found himself working undercover for the FBI. In the years that he’s been back, he thought about calling Hailey almost every second of every day. He never did though, he couldn’t bring himself to ruin her all over again. Jay Halstead has resigned himself to being alone for the rest of forever, because the one promise that he kept was simple and unending, she was the love of his life.
That’s why when Jay finds himself kneeling over an offender staring into his wife's—ex wife’s—eyes, the first thing he thought to say was “It’s good to see you.” An undeniable truth.
*
Hailey’s lunges burned, bad. She hated to admit it, but her cushy new (maybe not anymore) job included fancy suits, better pay and significantly less running. She was more out of shape than she’d like to be. Despite her less than ideal forced cardio, the familiarity washed all over her. She basked in her element: the light snowfall, the weaving alleys along the rowhouses, her tailored suits swapped out for sneakers and jeans, her signature messy ponytail, the wind. There was something missing, there always was, but she wouldn’t let herself fall down that line of thinking…again.
She was gaining on him now, the idiot that thought he could escape her. There was a fire under Hailey’s ass, too many little girls had been found dead and way too many were still missing. “Stop. FBI!” She was finally in reach, and yanked him off balance by the back of his jacket. The low level mob enforcer she was stalking put up more of a fight than she expected. As she fought his back, she promised herself she would never again let herself get out of practice, no matter how nice the view from her office was. Before Hailey could secure the offender, she swung. Her head cracked into the brick wall beside her, her vision swam as she crashed to the ground. She struggled for purchase, trying to blink herself back into focus as she rolled to her stomach. She could have sworn someone was calling her name. Out of nowhere, the perp hit the ground next to her, a shadow kneeling over his body.
Hailey groaned, pushing up to her hands and knees, ready to fight whoever saved her. She looked up. When her eyes met his green ones, a face that she could recite from memory and would always be able to. Jay Halstead, her husband, her ex-husband, was sitting right in front of her. He was saying something, but she couldn’t quite make it out. Holy fuck I must be really concussed. Then everything went black.
*
Jay watched Hailey’s eyes focus on him, watched her watch him in a state of utter confusion. It almost distracted him from her busted temple and the line rivulets of blood running down her forehead and staining her blonde waves. He was about to say something, maybe clever, maybe an apology or 3 little words that used to flow as easy as breathing between the two, certainly better than his first line, but now he couldn’t remember. Because in the next breath, her head was smacking the pavement as she lost consciousness.
“Oh fuck, Hailes.” He moved faster than lightning, cradling her head in his lap and dialing 911. The next 15 minutes were a whirlwind and all the sudden, she was being loaded into an ambulance and he was 2 steps from jumping in with her. He paused, almost freezing in place. There was a suspect knocked out on the ground, he was supposed to be undercover meeting said suspect and most importantly, he had no right to her anymore. Not to be by her side in the ambulance or with her when she wakes up, no right to demand to know if she was okay. It killed him, watching them peel off towards MED, but there was nothing for him there. He wouldn’t force himself back into her life without her even being conscious to consent to it.
Jay ran his hands through his hair flinching as he caught sight of Hailey’s blood on his hands. He paced the alley, probably looking like the tweaker mob enforcer he was pretending to be. Never in a million years did he think that he would run into his former partner, his former everything, back in their old stomping grounds. No, it was much more likely on the streets of New York City, the place where they both called home. He had kept tabs on her since he returned stateside, especially since she joined him at the bureau. He watched as she quickly climbed the ranks, obviously the asset he always knew her to be. She didn’t need him to be better like she always said, she might have even been better without him. If he had to guess, she probably had no idea they even worked for the same agency. He spent most of his time undercover and their divisions had never worked the same case. Until now, apparently.
He was in a bind, that was for sure, as soon as this guy woke up his cover would be blown and all the work he had done trying to uncover this child trafficking ring would halt. All of Hailey’s work too. He pulled out his stone, glaring down at the useless waste of space that had hurt her. He might have blown his cover, maybe the entire operation, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. The only thing he would regret was the phone call he was about to make, to someone he hoped he would never speak to again.
Jay held the phone to his ear, jaw tense and scowling as he heard the familiar gruff answer on the line.“Voight, it’s me, Jay,” he sucked in a breath, “I need your help.”
*
Hailey woke up in an ambulance with a name on her tongue, but she couldn’t quite place it. Images of green eyes and a strong jaw clouded her mind. It was right there, she had been about to say something, to talk to someone. “Hailey? Hailey, can you hear me?” Someone asked her, but she couldn’t. She drifted off again to her name echoing through her mind, to a voice she had longed to hear for so long now, but she couldn’t remember.
*
Jay found himself standing in the middle of the bullpen at the 21st district, smack dab in the middle of what continued to be Intelligence’s headquarters. His walk up the familiar marble stairs was like walking down a hall of mirrors, and one of memories. Different versions of himself reflected on every surface. The desks that were formally his and Hailey’s were still pushed together, tethered in a way they no longer were. They still had the same whiteboard, the same squeaky door into the kitchenette. This place felt frozen in time, a time he hadn’t yearned for so badly until this moment.
Only Adam, Kevin and their Sergeant were left with him. Kim and Trudy rushed to the hospital as soon as he walked in. The newer members were making themselves scarce. Jay was naive enough to think his return would be widely celebrated, but Trudy had squeezed his arm as she walked by, and he thought that was about as much comfort as he deserved at the given moment.
“So let’s get this straight,” Kevin said, pointing at the board that now had his face on it. “You’ve been working undercover for 4 months with the McHenry Crime Family as an enforcer to gain intel on the child sex trafficking ring they are aiding, ‘cause apparently you’re a FED now.” He said that last part like it was an insult. “And today you were supposed to meet up with one of the guys you work with, only for Hailey to be in pursuit of him. They got into an altercation where you blew your cover and came to her aid. Then she passed out and you sent her to MED alone?” He definitely meant that as an insult.
“Talk about a fucking coincidence.” Adam huffed under his breath.
The guys were mad, he could tell. Hailey had kept in touch with their old unit more than Jay had, and by that, it meant that they had contact at all. They were hurt by his actions on her behalf and their own. The only unfeeling one was Voight, but that had never been new.
“Don’t forget that the guy is in the cage,” Voight scoffed, “So he can’t totally uproot the FBI’s operation.”
“I appreciate that.” Jay said, truthfully. If he was being honest, now that the guy was off the street he just wanted to go wallow in the waiting room to see if Hailey even wanted to see him. “So does my team.”
“Jay Halstead,” Kevin scoffed, “A fucking FED.” That got a little chuckle from Jay.
Voight’s phone rang and he held it up, “I’ll talk to your Sergeant Jay, make something stick to this guy so he can’t ruin things just yet.” Jay nodded, hating being beholden to this man but knowing his options were limited.
“What happened to Bolivia?" Adam started, but Jay held up a hand.That was not a conversation he wanted to have right now. He was saved by the bell, or text really.
Kim Burgess: She’s awake.
*
Hailey’s mouth was dry and her head hurt like hell. She blinked rapidly, sore eyes trying to adjust to the harsh hospital lighting. “Ughhhh.” She groaned, head rolling to the side. “I hate hospitals. A familiar brunette appeared above her, “Kim?” Where was she?
“Hey stranger, I’m glad to see you, but you could have just stopped by.” Hailey glanced around finding her old desk sergeant sitting in a chair on the other side of her bed.
The puzzle came together in her mind: case, child trafficking, enforcer, fight, whacked head, goodnight Hailey. God her fucking head hurt. “Next time I’ll swing by with Bartoli’s.” She groaned out, leaning her head back.
“Why don’t we settle with telling us you’re in town before you end up in the hospital?” Trudy quipped, a slight smile on her face.
“I think I can manage that.” She sighed, closing her eyes against the harsh lights. It felt like there was a stampede behind her lids.
“Hailey, just so you know,” Kim said, eyeing Trudy over her, “Jay is here, he’s waiting just outside.”
Hailey’s eyebrows pinched in confusion, “Jay?”
Kim hurried on, “The doctor said it was normal, that you might not remember him being there in the alley. Or the accident at all. But he’s been pacing outside for two hours, you really should talk to him.
“I remember the fight,” Hailey said, cutting her off, she looked between her two friends, “Jay?”
Before anyone could say anything else, a man stepped into the room. One with familiar green eyes and a strong jaw. He looked sheepish almost, like he knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. “Hey Hailes,” he said, her name tumbling from his mouth like a prayer, like the answer to one. Hailey stayed completely still as he cautiously came closer. “I’m sorry to barge in, I just had to see you, to know you’re okay. I’ll leave, just say the word.” He looked so panicked, so stricken over her being hurt.
Hailey searched his face, for what she didn’t know. “Jay?” She asked again, watching him relax at the sound of his name on her lips. He took another step closer, then another, until he was right next to Kim. That’s when she finally relented, obviously no one would tell her what she really wanted to know, “Who are you?”
*
“It’s called Systematized Amnesia,” The doctor told Jay, as he stood once again outside Hailey’s hotel room, this time with Kim. He found himself wishing that his brother still worked at this stupid hospital. “It’s when someone forgets everything about a specific topic or event, in this case,” he gestured to Jay, “a person.”
Jay began to pace again. How was this possible? Out of all the people Hailey could spontaneously forget, it’s him of all people? “I don’t understand, how is this possible?”
The doctor flipped through his charts, seemingly Hailey's medical records. “Usually this sort of thing has to do with an associated incident or trauma.Would you say that you and Special Agent Upton have a shared defining trauma or related event?”
Jay thought over their partnership, the relationship and eventual demise. “Yeah, you could say that.”
The doctor nodded, “It could also purely be that you were the last thing she saw before her brain momentarily shut down, unfortunately we can’t find these things out through X-rays and scans.” He clutched Jay’s shoulder, “I understand you two used to be married?”
Jay fought the flinch as the “used to” part of the sentence, his divorce was a wound that would never truly heal. “Yes sir, we divorced a few years ago.”
Kim shifted uncomfortably next to him, obviously she had thoughts.
“Well Agent Halstead, it’s likely that she will eventually regain her memories. It might take some time, but will probably be aided with some persuasion. That is, if you want her to remember you?”
“Of course I do.” Jay says, without even a second thought.
“Then remind her, gently. These things can be stressful on patients, especially stubborn ones. This will be confusing and overwhelming for her. Take it slow, start with the happy memories.”
Jay swallowed thickly, “And if she doesn’t remember?”
The doctor gave him a pitying look, “Then you’ll have to make new ones, or make peace with walking away.
Not an option.
Kim was stiff beside him. “I’m saying this not just as Hailey’s friend, but yours too.” She looked him dead in the eye, just as fierce as he always remembered her being. “If you are going to make her remember you, all of you, be worth remembering.”
With that, she left him in the hallway. Jay would be worth it. He would give her everything he couldn’t before. Every piece of him, even the ones that she broke. He never dreamed he would have this opportunity to make things right. To love her, loudly and with his whole being. Their time apart had been nothing short of agony, but he had grown. He may have broken his promises, his vows, but he had the chance now to make it up to her. To show her why she fell in love with him, why they were so so good together. He was never letting her go again.
*
24 hours after the stranger with the green eyes walked into her hospital room, Hailey was being rolled out of the hospital by said stranger. She was entirely sure what had happened, only that her old Sergeant had called her new boss and she now had a month of furlough and a suite in a hotel downtown. One with a second room for the man currently behind her.
There was much discussion over who would care for Hailey while she recovered, but when Jay suggested that he watch over her, she found herself saying yes. It was a strange sensation, given that she had no memories of the man, but her body trusted him. Her gut knew him to be her most sacred harbor in the storm. That was enough for her. She almost felt panicked, like remembering him might be the single most important thing that she will ever do. It could also be the copious amounts of extra strength Advil she had taken in the past 24 hours. Either way, she was headed home to a staycation with a total stranger, to her at least.
As much as he intrigued her, sometimes it was hard to look at him. Partially because he was always looking at her, usually with a look of intense longing. It was so strange to feel so drawn to someone she didn’t know.
Jay helped her out of the wheelchair and into the car, a rented silver SUV. Something about it felt wrong, like she was in the wrong passenger seat. He rounded the car and got inside, quickly but carefully maneuvering out of the lot and onto the main road.
Despite his insistence that he take care of her, Jay had made himself scarce until now. This was their first moment alone since he walked in yesterday. Hailey looked him over, taking in clenched jaw. “I’m sorry to ask you this but, how do we know each other?” Jay’s face fell, almost like he was pretending everything was normal, and she just shattered his glass castle.
“Uh, well, you were my partner. For 5 years.” Hailey let out a little gasp, doing the math, “While we were both in Intelligence.”
“That would mean we’ve known each other for over 8 years,” She said, no wonder he seemed so distraught.
Jay’s jaw seized harder, she didn’t think it was possible. “Something like that.”
“Can you tell me about it?” She asked, feeling desperate for any drop of information he could give her. “Please?”
A smile broke out across Jay’s face when he turned to look at her, “Of course, it’s my favorite story.”
A week flew by in comfortable, but loaded quiet. Jay swore he talked more in the past seven days than he had in the past three years. Hailey was still recovering from a moderate concussion, so that meant no screen time or excessive activity. This translated to them spending all their time together talking about their partnership. Hailey was full of questions at every turn, and Jay couldn’t help but gush about some of the most cherished memories of his life. It had been seven days and he still hadn’t told her that they had ever been more than partners. He wasn’t ready to talk about those memories yet, and he didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable while she was still recovering. Today was the end of her bedrest though, so Jay had mapped out a day across the city of some of their most treasured places. Hopefully one of them will jog her memory.
Jay was making breakfast in the small kitchenette when Hailey emerged from her bedroom, looking as beautiful as ever in an oversized Bear’s t-shirt that she didn’t know was his and sweats. He had almost choked on his pizza when he saw her in it for the first time on their first night here. They had stopped by both of their temporary lodgings to collect their belongings, Hailey undoubtedly remembered missing deep dish, so they stopped at Bartoli’s on their way to their new hotel. She disappeared to change when they got back, and she came out wearing his shirt, one that he didn’t know she still had. He was mute for a full 10 minutes.
“Eat quick,” He said, setting a plate and a mug of coffee down in front of her. “We have a full day ahead of us.”
Half an hour later, Jay was pulling up outside Hailey’s favorite coffee place. She was beaming, obviously ready for cup two of the day. “I know this place, I used to come every Friday morning and get this cinnamon latte and…” She trailed off, glancing at him. “A hot black coffee, I assume that was for you?”
Jay smiled, bittersweet that she knows their place, but not fully. He nodded, “Every Friday.”
Their pitstop wasn’t long, soon they were driving to their next location. “Did you used to have a truck?” Hailey asked out of nowhere. “I remember all of this looking different, like I was higher up.”
Jay chuckled, “Yes actually, my rig when we worked together was a pretty large GMC Sierra.” Jay sighed, he missed his baby. He patted the dash, “This guy is just a rental.”
“Why do you have a rental?” Jay froze, they hadn’t broached this topic yet, and it felt weird that she was learning new things about him while trying to remember the old things.
“I don’t live here anymore.” He said shortly.
Hailey nodded, “Where do you live now?”
“New York City, like you.” He let the last part hang between them.
“What are you doing here then?”
“I’m here for a case, same as you. I was undercover until your epic alley fight.”
That got a laugh out of her, “That’s crazy, what a coincidence. It’s like the universe was trying to pull us back together or something.”
She said it so flippantly, unaware that she just turned his entire world on its axis. “Yeah, maybe.” He hoped it was some higher power calling them back home together, maybe then he actually had a chance of winning her back.
Jay drove Hailey past some of their own crime scenes, the bank where they first met (that quite sucked) and multiple diners they frequented with no luck jogging a memory. They stopped at a food truck for lunch, one they had been to a thousand times. She remembered every worker that was still there, but not that she had ever been there with him. He drove her under the bridge where they fought about Camilla and through the underpass where he was shot after his father died. She looked uncomfortable, but never said anything. He took her to Firehouse 51 to say hello to everyone, who he briefed ahead of time to not say anything about their whirlwind of a relationship. No memories there either. He drove past their old shared apartment and their gym, he took her everywhere he could possibly think of. She didn’t remember anything he hadn’t already told her.
“Are you hungry? I’ve got a great dinner spot.” Jay had one last trick up his sleeve for the day, and he was hoping it would be just the thing.
“I could eat.”
*
Hailey stepped through the door of Murphy's Pub and immediately recognized it. The lighting and soft gaelic tunes felt like home in a way she wasn’t sure was possible in a bar. Jay let her lead the way and she grabbed a chair at a high top near the bar. She slid into the chair, letting Jay have the seat facing the door. It was an instinct to do it, like she inherently knew that was where he would want to sit. A long forgotten military habit, always being able to see the entrances and exits. Wait, “Were you in the military?”
Her rushed question broke Jay out of his trance, “Sorry, what?”
“I asked if you were military, I think I remembered that.”
Jay’s face lit up like a Christmas tree, “Yes! I was a Ranger in the Army.” He sat down across from each other, “And that's not the only thing you remembered. This is our booth.”
Hailey felt elated, not only had she finally remembered something, but he was so happy about it. The week had been hard, she felt like Jay was waiting with baited breath every time she opened her mouth. She was starting to feel guilty, she could see it crush him every time she had no news of him. After today though, she felt like maybe he was keeping things from her too.
“Jay, if I ask you a question, will you promise to be honest with me?” She asked.
He looked slightly uncomfortable, “Yes, always.”
Hailey may not have her memories of her former partner, but she still had her detective mind and her senses were tingling. “Were we…more than partners?”
It took a second for Jay to pick his Jaw up off the table. He looked like he wanted to lie, but he didn’t. “Yes, much more.” The devastation on his face told her all that she needed to know.
“But we aren’t anymore?” She asked cautiously.
Jay avoided her gaze, “No we aren’t.”
Hailey took a deep breath, “Look Jay, I get why you didn’t tell me before now. That would have been really overwhelming five days ago, but please,” She looked at him, really looked, pleading almost, “Please, just tell me everything.”
Jay nodded, taking a moment to compose himself. She could see the glass in her eyes, even with his gaze cast down. He ran a thumb over the smooth wood of the table top. “We had our first kiss at this table, right after you turned down your first job offer from the FBI.”
Hailey made a small noise of shock, “Really?”
“Yeah,” He held her gaze, “It was magical, such a long time coming too. You made the first move actually.” They both laughed, “I was too chicken shit.”
“I can see that.”
He faux glared at her, but sobered up quickly. “Hailey, are you sure you want to know this? Sometimes I wish I could forget it.”
“Yes,” She answered immediately. She had never wanted to know anything so badly in her whole life. She couldn’t believe it, she only remembered knowing Jay a week, but it seemed unfathomable that she could ever forget him. He was so kind, caring, gentle but strong, obviously resilient. She was not surprised to find that she fell for her partner, for her best friend.
“We waited a long time to get together, to admit how we felt. According to everyone else, they knew we were it for years before we did. That being said,” He looked to be in so much pain that she wanted to tell him to stop. “We were so in love, there was so much love, and you remember what happened to Kim and with you and Voight. We got married, too quickly probably and then everything went to hell and then…” He paused, his eyes full of tears, “Then I left, back to the army, I left you and we got divorced and I have never regretted anything so much in my entire life. You were my life Hailey.” He took her hand, their first actual touch and electricity shot through her. “You are my life, the love of my life and when you remember us, and every fucked up this we were…I will spend every minute of every day for the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, to make up the time we lost.” He was fully crying now, and so was she. “I still love you, and this was not how I wanted to tell you any of this, but I love you. I never stopped, and I never will stop.”
Hailey took his other hand in hers, ‘I don’t remember any of that Jay, I’m sorry. But…but I know that I love you. My body knows that I love you, I feel it somehow even though I don’t remember it. My very bones apparently love you.” It came out as a laugh, because saying it out loud seemed so ridiculous, but still so right.
“Can I-can I hold you? Just for a minute? It’s been so long.” He whispered his request so quietly that Hailey almost didn’t hear it, but she was out of her seat and tucked into his chest before either of them could process it.
Jay pressed a kiss to the top of her head as he held on to her for dear life, “Hailes, please believe me. I will never let you go again.”
Hailey nodded against his chest, “I may not remember you, but I know you. I know you won’t. Not ever.”
*
“Is our grand tour almost done?” Hailey asked from the passenger seat. Jay smiled down at the intertwined hands. He wasn’t delusional enough to think that everything was okay, hell she still didn't remember all the ways he had let her down. But for the first time in a long time, he had hope that they would be okay.
It was late, almost midnight, but there was still one place he wanted to go. “Almost.”
10 minutes later they pulled up outside the 21st precinct. “The district?” She asked.
“Maybe seeing me in a place that feels familiar to you will make the pieces click?” He really hoped so at least.
“Let’s do it then.”
They entered the quiet building together, only a few late night beat cops milling around. The nighttime desk Sergeant recognized them both instantly and buzzed them up. The lights were low as they climbed the stairs, only a few desk lamps lighting the way. Jay was grateful the rest of their former team was gone for the night. That is why he waited so long.
He couldn’t believe he had just totally laid himself bare in front of Hailey like that, but honestly it was her, she saw right through him anyway. Even without her memories.
Jay watched as Hailey surveyed the room, taking it in almost like it was the first time. Trying to reconcile him being there. His breath caught in this throat when she perched on the end of his desk, like he always used to do. She leaned against it, looking around. When her eye caught his, she froze. “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?”
Jay scratched the back of his neck anxiously, “For the past week, I’ve kinda felt like I have.”
Hailey gave him a sympathetic look and turned to her own old desk, right across from his. She ran her hand over the faux wood. “And this is mine.” She almost whispered it to herself as she sat down in the chair. She was looking straight ahead, like she’d done every day for 5 years. Looked straight at him.
Jay sat down in his chair, feeling like he was stepping back in time as he watched her pluck a pen from the cup on his desk and twirl it in her fingers. Everything about them was so natural, so carnal, it was everything. “When was the last time we saw each other?”
Jay ran his hand over his face, “A little over two years.”
“And you've been in New York with me, unknowingly, that whole time?”
Jay grimaced, “No, I’ve been there about a year and a half, and I knew you were there. You just didn’t know about me.”
Hailey’s face fell, “You didn’t want to track me down? To try again?”
Jay stood, coming to kneel in front of her. “There was nothing in the world I wanted more. But I thought you deserved better than me, and you seemed so happy and fulfilled. I didn’t want to ruin whatever peace you had found with me gone. I had resigned myself to a life without you, but then I saw you in the alley way. I knew I was a goner all over again. There is no world where you aren’t my sun, Hailey.” He cupped her face. “I will be content to orbit around you, taking whatever you will give me.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Or bask in your light, burn up in your atmosphere. I’m yours, nowever you want me.”
“Jay,” Hailey started, but he cut her off.
“Not now, but when you remember.” He smiled sadly, “I want you to remember before you make a decision. I’ll wait as long as it takes.”
Before Jay could process what was happening, Hailey was out of her chair, on her knees with him, in his arms and her lips were on his. She tasted like the past, present and future. Like the air he needed to breathe and blood he needed to live. His mouth on hers felt like finally all over again. Her warmth made even the darkest parts of him feel touched by the sun.
*
Hailey was kissing Jay. Her ex-husband, her former partner, her best friend. In this moment, deep in her soul, he felt like hers. When she finally pulled away, her hands were still on his face as she held him close. Their eyes met, his green orbs glowing the same way they always had, illuminated by a faint glow that they were both so used to. And it was there looking in his eyes that saw her so clearly, that she found him.
Suddenly, she remembered the ambulance ride. His name on the tip of her tongue, his eyes and his jaw so clear in her mind. Jay. He was right there, holding her head in lap while she fought for consciousness. Jay. Running down the alley to get to her, screaming her name. Jay. Jay. Jay. Jay. He was everywhere, right down to the foundation of who she was.
It’s my first time in the back of your van.
What the hell happened?
I’m sorry you lost him, he sounded like a great guy.
You don’t have to question if I’m alright.
I thought he was dead.
Nothing good ever comes out of a workplace romance.
Just want to make sure you’re okay.
The thing that works between us. Bad case, one of us doesn’t want the other one around, the other one of us stays anyway. We talk, we’re able to go to work the next day.
We’re good. And we’re always gonna be good.
You looked at me and I got it.
If I was ever going to follow someone blind, I’d follow you.
I’m going where you go.
It’s hard because you love him.
Of course I love him. He’s my partner.
What were you going to say?
I miss the wind, and you.
It’s been a long time since I saw you as just my partner.
Hailey sobs, clutching the man in front of her as it all comes flooding back. The kiss at Murphy’s and their last goodbye. Everything in between. Her proposal, his proposal. Every sleepless night and lazy morning. Her love for him consumes every part of her body. Something was missing, there was always something missing. He had a piece of her all this time.
Jay grabs her face. “Hailey, baby, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” She’s laughing now, kissing him again. “It’s you, it’s always been you.”
“You remember?” His voice breaks, the hope in his eyes a torch in her soul.
“Yes,” She sighs out, folding herself around him. “Eevrything. I’ll never forget you again.”
Epilogue
Jay watches Hailey sleep peacefully, she’s always been able to sleep longer than him. He slowly creeps out of bed to start breakfast, everyone knows how hangry she gets in the morning.
It’s been a year since their tear soaked kiss on the floor of the bullpen in Chicago, when she finally remembered Jay and everything they were. He finds himself thinking about that night often. How raw and real and wonderful it was to finally have her back in his arms. It wasn’t easy, the best things never are, but after losing each other and then losing each other again, they were both determined to never be without each other for the rest of their lives.
They’ve been in couples counseling every week since they returned to New York together. Consolidating their lives and getting back to who they were before they let Intelligence and the circumstances of their past rip them apart. Not long after that though, Hailey requested a transfer. She was still the FBI’s best and brightest special agent, it was no hard task. A month later, Hailey was opening a new field office in Chicago with Jay at her side as their lead Undercover Handler.
They spend every second of every day together, doing what they love and once again protecting the people of Chicago. They watched their friends get married, adopt children, get promotions and have babies. They immersed themselves in their community with a passion they never had before.
Hailey walked out of the bedroom in the same bears t-shirt as before, much more faded now though. She wrapped her arms around her boyfriend from behind, pressing a kiss to his bare shoulder. “Good morning.”
Jay pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “Good morning.”
After their breakfast, they stood at the large wall of windows in their shared apartment, drinking coffee and looking out over the city that they loved so much. That had brought them back together. Suddenly Hailey felt Jay's warmth disappear from beside her, she turned to see where he had gone and almost dropped her mug. He took it and placed it on the floor beside him, where he was down on one knee in front of her for the second time, his mother’s ring held up in front of him. “Hailey Anne-”
“You don’t have to do this part, I already did it, and so did you.” She was crying now, hands shaking with joy. So happy that they finally found themselves back here.
“Let me be old fashioned please.” he said, beaming, green eyes sparkling. “I have loved you longer than I can even remember. I don’t remember what my heart feels like without you in it. I am so proud of you and of us and of everything we have built together. I want to keep orbiting your sun for the rest of my life, so…” He puffed up his chest and Hailey laughed, falling to her knees in front of him. “Marry me Hailey, I never want to be without you again.”
Hailey cupped his face and pressed her lips to his. “You’re not going to be.”