Work Text:
A battlefield, smoke gathering, the smell of iron of blood hanging heavy and thick, a wetness of blood on his hands and face, lungs that wouldn't and couldn't gather air, black fur matted and knotted beneath his hands, a unmoving body dead and gone.
A person watched him, eyes staring at him with hate and anger, a rush of golden red coming towards him, agony shooting through his stomach, fear and panic shot through him, pain spread through his stomach like swallowed hot iron, a voice cold and emotionless only hinted at with anger.
"You won't be allowed this, why did you think you would?"
He awoke with a startled scared noise jerking forward and falling from his bed hard hitting the floor into a tangled mess of blankets, Star desperately ripped himself free from the blankets a hand resting over his chest.
Star could barely breath his chest rising and falling desperate for any air he could get into his body it felt like his chest was constricting itself like a snake was wrapping around his neck and chest, anxiety shot down his spine gathering around his shoulders and neck it was just anxiety only anxiety-
No it was getting worse and he knew it this wasn't just anxiety anymore he couldn't breath his body was begining to shake worse and worse he couldn't keep his hands still as they gripped onto his jacket tight enough to made his knuckles go white.
He wanted to call Macaque to scream or even whisper for the man he loved to hear him but he couldn't get his tongue to work to move at all despite the growing wetness on his tongue his mouth watering in the worse way as his stomach felt like rocks wanted to escape, he felt like he was going to be sick as his head spun.
The room around him felt like it was spinning where he sat besides his bed on the other side away from the door leaning back against his bed where he had fallen after his nightmare unable to move even an inch as his body betrayed him entirely, he couldn't hear anything but the agonizing ringing in his ears.
M hummed quietly to herself as she walked up stairs heading towards Star's room sure they didn't have anything planned today but Macaque had texted her and asked if she minded checking on him since Macaque was out on Flower Fruit Mountain handling some training with Mei and MK while dealing with Wukong's jealousy about it.
Of course she immediately agreed! She was planning on coming over later today anyway to visit him soo this worked perfectly! She quickly hurried up taking the last few steps in only a few quick ones, she knocked on Star's door but...
She got no response? Weird, Macaque said he would be here apparently he was taking a nap soo maybe he's still asleep or something, well she knocked like she promised she would, trying the door knob she was excited to find out it was unlocked so M quickly lets herself in walking into Star's room putting down her bag and the couple books she brought with her to show him.
"Heya bestie! Wakey wakey time for books and snuggle time!" M excitedly said, flicking the light on besides the bed only to immediately freeze struggling breaths and quiet sobs immediately filling her ears she saw Star's hair sticking out from the other side of the bed and immediately reacting she jumped over the bed landing besides him.
"Hey hey hey hey breathe breathe it's okay it's okay you aren't alone, I'm right here it's gonna be okay." Noticing the blue tint to his lips and the pale hue to his cheeks she reacted without any hesitation immediately standing back up, she ran to her bag pulling it open and grabbing the 'Star Emergency Kit' she's started always carrying.
She was back at his side almost immediately kneeling besides him having grabbed the trashcan besides his bed on the way back, placing it besides him close enough in case he needed it M quickly opened the kit going through it she pulled out a small vial.
"It's okay Star it's alright I know it's scary but I'm right here." She carefully scooted closer to him letting their knees press together just barely, Star reacted immediately jerking forward without any warning grabbing onto her and desperately pressing his face against her shoulder.
He was always an extremely touchy and clingy person when scared or panicking she didn't really understand why but she knows it helps him, she lets him hold onto her tightly sobbing openly and struggling to breath against her shoulder.
M began gently running her fingers affectionately through his hair as she opened the vial with her other hand popping it open with her thumb it was just some soft barely smelling perfume inside a little container to shock his brain, she gently waved it under his nose letting him smell it before closing the vial again and setting it back into her bag.
She gently moved him leaning him back more against her chest one arm wrapped around his waist making him stretch his chest out a bit to get air into his lungs as he turned his head to hide half of his face back into her shoulder, she used her other hand to begin carefully rubbing a hand against his sternum her knuckles gently pressing against the bone.
"It's okay I need you to breathe bestie come on listen to me breathing okay, I know you probably can't hear me much right now but I'm right here and your going to be okay..." She whispered to him well admittedly mostly to herself, it scared him when Star panicked but she would do her best to keep helping him.
"Okay come on come on slowly, follow me Star." She slowed her own breathing deep and relaxed but slightly exaggerated breaths deep enough to make her chest noticably raise and fall, she reached down taking one of his hands into her own pressing one of her fingers against the pressure point on his middle finger at the bed of the nail of his finger just a slight pressure.
Star seemed to slowly be calming down his breathing still extremely shaky and struggling body violently shaking and his eyes unfocused but at least he seemed to know what's going on now and thankfully hadn't thrown up, he looked up at her fearfully his eyes widened and shaky.
"Hey there big guy look at you go, your doing great bestie! Come on let's do a little something helpful okay?" At the small nod she got from him M immediately kept speaking, still holding one of his hands in her own.
"Alrighty good job okay soo if you can talk tell me but don't force yourself you can think it and just nod to me."
Another small nod from him as she reached back into the kit noticing that his breathing was getting worse she pulled out his nebulizer a breathing machine meant for people with asthma she always carried it with her now.
M started reading it slowly with one hand, knowing by now that just his inhaler wasn't going to work with his worsening breathing, color changing lips, and face that was slowly turning more and more pale.
She talked him through the steps he couldn't speak his breathing too panicked his tongue feeling like stone but he did his best to respond in small nods and movements of his head and eyes.
Five things he can see first; His unmade messy bed, her orange hair hanging down towards him, their hands held together, his glowing string lights, and finally the breathing tube she hooked into the machine and was messing with.
M took a moment hooking the tube into the nebulizer and making sure it was well attached and in place.
"Very good you're doing great bestie, come on stretch your legs out a little and press your feet against your bed flat put pressure against them, good just like that." M said quietly before she continued.
Next four things he can touch; his own sleep shirt soft and silky some kind of purple silk, M's thin fall jacket warm and soft, he ran his hand up and touched M's soft orange as the next thing, before he let his hand fall back down too weak to hold it up it landed gently on the tube as the final thing soft but bumpy.
"Okay great you're doing amazing I'm soo proud of you bestie, I'm going to go ahead and attached this I know it's best to get you calmed down first but your starting to look like your going to pass out and I'm worried..."
M looked extremely worried about the man in her arms, he gave a small nod letting M lift his head up just enough to slip the nebulizer's breathing mask on putting it in place before his head fell back against her shoulder.
"Perfect, keep going come on next thing." M said motioning for him to keep going and he nodded a little as she pressed the start button on the machine, it hummed loudly to life not too loud but noticable, a good distraction noise.
Three things he could hear; That was easy the rumbling of the nebulizer machine pumping the medicine into his lungs as he took deep breaths trying to slow his own breathing and to breathe deeply, secondly the soft sound of M breathing against his ear slow and calm despite the situation, and finally the soft noise of his TV playing in the background barely loud enough to hear and definitely not loud enough to tell what was playing.
"Good, deep slow breathes you gotta get all that medicine into your body bestie then once you calm down I promise I'll call Macaque and everything will be okay, come on keep going stay focused."
Star nodded softly in agreement keeping his eyes open despite their slow blinking and the exhaustion weighting down his body, his kept his breathing slow the medicine getting into his lungs helping slowly.
Two things he could smell; The smell of the medicine coming through the mask of the nebulizer a strange smell barely there but noticable and the smell of M's perfume something soft and easy smelling purposely picked to not aggravate his asthma and breathing issues a soft flowery smell and a mix of the monkeys she keeps kidnapping.
His shaking was slowly calming down as he relaxed further and further against M's chest his head resting against her shoulder, his breathing slowing calming down extremely slowly as he closed his eyes focusing on his breath trying to make it better match M's as he breathed in the medicine.
And now finally one thing he could taste; another easy one the bitter, salty, unusual taste in the mouth coming from the medicine inside the nebulizer it was a taste he had grown used to focusing more on it and not the wet feeling inside his mouth.
He needed to keep focusing on M's voice and not much else and so that's exactly what he did, his eyes closed as he breathed slowly his chest rising and falling with each inhale.
M kept speaking to him softly leading him through more and more calming techniques she had used for him in the past ones she knew worked well, it took more than it normally did it must have been a really bad one, a really bad panic attack but slowly eventually he calmed down going limp against her chest and shoulder his muscles slowly losing their tension.
As he finished the nebulizer treatment after a little over an hour and M gently removed the breathing mask placing it to the side and using one of her thumbs to gently rub the marks it left on his face, helping him relax more against her his eyes closed.
"It's okay take your time, you can tell me what happened if you want to but you don't have to we can just relax and sit here and-"
Star's voice suddenly weakly interrupted her, barely loud enough to be heard and she quickly went quiet to be able to hear his words.
"W-Water please?"
He asks quietly his voice sounded wreaked and destroyed, M immediately nodded reaching up to grab the water bottle from his nightstand popping it open before softly holding it to his lips letting Star slowly drink down the cold water.
As he drank down the water slowly she used her other hand to grab a pre-moistened antiseptic towelette pad wipe from her kit opening it with her teeth before she started to gently wipe his face clean the wet pad feeling amazing against his heated face.
Cleaning away the tear stains and sweat, soon she placed the water bottle down once he had enough and threw away the towelette into the trash letting him rest his head back against her shoulder.
"There we go much better now, we can sit here as long as you want to and I'll text Macaque when your ready for that." M said, sounding so understanding and kind as she always did for her best friend.
They sat together for a while eventually slowly moving to sit on the bed together snuggled up with M sitting up and Star leaning up against her chest snuggled together, she read to him for a while reading the new monkey biology books she found and brought with her to share with him.
She did text Macaque letting him know what happened and the shadow monkey was there in seconds before she could even text him anything else about it and he was currently fast asleep laying across Star with his head resting on Star's chest his glamour hidden ears against his chest listening to his heartbeat.
The stone monkey sleeping comfortable across Star was like a comforting weight against the human a living breathing warm weighted blanket much better than an actual weighted blanket, he was deep asleep holding tightly onto Star's shirt as Star relaxed with his arms wrapped around Macaque.
M was reading another chapter about monkey behavior when suddenly she was interrupted by Star's voice, quiet and weak still but enough to be heard by her and she looked down at him curiously a comforting smile upon her lips.
"Hmm what was that?" She asks quietly and lovingly as she laid the book down beside her on Star's other pillow, going back to gently running her fingers through his hair as her other hand rested on his shoulder comfortingly.
"It was a nightmare..." Star whispered quietly to not bother the sleeping Macaque against his chest, he looked down at the shadow monkey raising a hand to begin gently scratching behind one of his glamoured ears making a soft rumbling come from his chest as he began purring in his sleep.
"Do you want to tell me about it bestie?"
Star paused thoughtfully seemingly deep in thought before he took a deep breath and gave a small nod.
"Okay bestie take your time there's no rush, I'm listening." M's sweet smile warmed Star's chest and he gave another barely noticable nod, looking down at Macaque as he kept gently scratching him behind his ear listening to his soft purring to calm himself.
"In the dream... The nightmare... It was back during the time of the journey to the west but after it I think, like we had actually finished the journey without any problems we were basically kings treated like royalty." M nodded in understanding letting Star keep speaking.
"Me and Macaque, we had tied the knot finally got married you were my bridesmaid it was beautiful we were still extremely close and everything was sweet and amazing. We seemed to be living in the Celestial Realm and it seemed like it had been a long time like me and you were now celestials."
M looked a little surprised but kept quiet listening to her best friend as he kept explaining his nightmare that so far sounded more like a good dream.
"Macaque was a warrior a war general for Wukong in charge of hundreds thousands of armies, he was gorgeous dressed in armor and looking every bit of the warrior he deserves to be... He would come to me after every fight with spoils of his fights still bloody and sweat covered."
Although Star paused M understand what her bestie meant and couldn't help the quiet chuckle that bubbled up from her chest but she stayed mostly quiet.
"Anyway, it was one of those dreams that felt like it was years we had a happy life we-"
He suddenly trailed off looking down at Macaque sleeping against his chest again, one of his hands resting on the back of Macaque's head his fingers buried into his soft black fur but his other hand slid underneath Macaque almost like he was touching his own stomach...
"I..." He paused taking a deep breath before focusing himself to keep speaking knowing he had to get it out to clear his mind. "I got pregnant somehow, I know it doesn't make sense with stone monkey's births being from stones I don't know dream logic, I guess..."
M's eyes widened in shock looking down at her best friend with widened eyes she knew although he kept it secret that Star desperately wanted to have a family to have a kid and to be a father specifically with Macaque of course.
She could already imagine her best friend smiling huge all bright, happy, and glowing in the pregnant way beyond overjoyed and excited probably already planning everything and getting a nursery ready, M can already imagine how excited Star must have been in the dream.
But she was suddenly pulled from her thoughts that had drifted towards her being an aunt by Star suddenly beginning to keep speaking.
"We decided to hide the pregnancy from Wukong, he had become tyrannical angry and worse, he was blood hungry and well he was ruling with an iron fist taking over everything."
M was shocked at hearing this but nodded in understanding begining to keep running her fingers lovingly through his hair.
"We hid it from him for some time but I started showing and he found out I don't know how but he did, we went to war against him Macaque did everything he could we fought as months went by, it was close to the end of my pregnancy when Wukong and his armies stormed our home..."
He went silent and M suddenly had an extremely bad feeling gathering in her stomach as she watched Star lovingly stroke his hand against the back of Macaque's head listening to the purring monkey in his arms.
"I can't- I can't go into too much details I just can't but Wukong won he killed Macaque in front of me and destroyed our armies and friends, I knelt within Macaque's blood in front of his dead body, I stood up and tried to face off against Wukong but he rushed me."
The few tears that had began gathering in Star's eyes began dripping down his cheeks barely any but enough for M to gently wipe away, he blinked a few times before leaning a little into his best friend hand as he kept speaking.
"I felt his staff slam into my stomach not just against it but through it, I could feel the agony of it as I slid off of it onto the ground laying dying, bleeding out feeling my baby die as I laid next to my husband dead body... I can still remember what Wukong said before I woke up."
He paused not for effect or drama but to breathe to catch his breath and keep himself calm taking a moment before he kept speaking.
"You won't be allowed this, why did you think you would?"
"It was the last thing I heard before I died in the dream and woke up, tangled in my blankets on the floor and I couldn't breathe, I know Wukong wouldn't do this he isn't this sadistic he's better he's becoming a better person but-"
"You're scared of him..." M finished for him and Star gave a small nod, his eyes not leaving Macaque's body snuggled up against him.
"I'm terrified of him M, I know you have your own thing going on with him I know you have a crush on him and that you might start dating him soon but I can't help the way I feel, he scares me M he scares me constantly, every time he moves near me or pulls out anything that looks like a staff I swear my heart tries to stop."
"I know he's a better man now that he's trying to make himself better for MK and for you but every time I see him being all friendly I feel a pit in my stomach like acid, I know he's trying M I know but..."
Star took a deep breath going quiet for a moment as he watched Macaque move a little snuggling his face further against Star's chest before immediately relaxing again.
"But there's a part of me that wants to kill him, to make him pay for what he did in the past even though he's immortal and I can't and I might lose MK and everyone else and you-"
"You will never lose me."
M suddenly said without any hesitation and Star looked at her the best he could laying on top of her, a look of shock and surprise on his face now. "What?" He questioned softly barely getting the word out, he watched as M nodded slightly.
"You would never lose me Star you're my bestie no matter what and no matter how many times we reincarnate or anything else, I'm not going anywhere and I know your really struggling with the whole me and Wukong thing trust me I am to so I definitely understand. You don't need to support me, but I know you will because your too kind for your own good but still."
"I love you bestie and everything and everyone is going to be okay you will see, we will handle everything later and talk more then too and I appreciate your trust in me letting me court Wukong." Star nodded in agreement to his best friends words, struggling to keep his eyes open that fluttered slowly with each blink.
M smiled down at him affectionately running her fingers through his long black hair gently scratching at his scalp as she kept speaking.
"And if somehow you and Macaque ever have a kid everything will be okay we will keep you both and your kid safe together and if anyone ever tried to hurt either of you or them I'd handle it, full one of Mei's favorite sayings of 'Where does he live'." She smiled down at him when Star laughed at that a quiet sweet sound, tired but happy.
"Remember bestie I'll always be protective of you and Mac too, you're my best friend and I'd fight the celestial realm for you and punch anyone in the face of you ask me too, please ask me to be violent for you." She said playfully trying to lighten his mood and thankfully it worked he laughed, startling Macaque a little against his chest.
Macaque grumbled tiredly scooting up a little to begin to, still mostly asleep, nuzzle his face all over Star's own face startling a quiet happy noise from the human as he kept affectionately nuzzling him loudly purring making M chuckle.
Macaque began lovingly licking at Star's cheeks as though trying to get him to relax and sleep like he was a baby monkey before finally Macaque relaxed again flopping back down and falling right back asleep, his face now buried against Star's neck with his arms wrapped around them both the best he could.
Star chuckled quietly leaning his head down a little to nuzzle his face against Macaque's fur lovingly before laying his head back against M's chest, tilting his head back slightly to look up towards his best friend as he begins quietly speaking.
"Thank you M really, I love you too bestie and I'm so thankful for this." He smiled up at her and M immediately smiled back down at him lovingly.
"You never need to thank me bestie you know I love you, now come on get some rest before you pass out."
Star nodded in agreement after all he was exhausted his body shutting down as the adrenaline from the panic attack had finally fully faded and now just leave behind exhaustion and body pain.
He blinked a few times each blink slower and slower as he began falling asleep to the sounds of his best friends heartbeat and breathing and the man he loves purring and soft breathes against his neck, he slowly fell asleep his face nuzzled up against the side of Macaque's head with M's fingers running gently through his hair.
M took a deep breath quiet and relaxed she would definitely need to talk to Macaque later and probably also have another long talk with Star but for now she would let her two best friends sleep, reaching back over she picked back up her book in one hand while continuing to run her other hands fingers affectionately through Star's hair.
She would protect her best friend no matter what, she loves him like a twin brother and Macaque like an extremely close brother-in-law.
M would always protect them both.
After all they are her besties.