Chapter Text
In my earliest memories, I remember how my stomach painfully gnawed away at me. It overwhelmed my thoughts until I nearly drowned from the sensation. But even if I can remember how it felt, I’m still not sure what it actually means. It just felt very uncomfortable and unhappy.
Until, one day, that feeling was gone.
Worrying about it isn’t worth anything, though. It’s not a thought that I want to digest right now. Instead, I hum a half-forgotten tune, sitting in the chair by the table in my room, waiting for the next delivery. They always arrive at the same time each day, probably. I can’t know for sure, with how cotton-candy my thoughts have gotten.
My head and heart are full of warm and melty feelings. Everything is so sweet, so delectable. Focusing is hard, especially with the legs of my chair tickling the skin of my bare legs. I still myself for a moment to just enjoy the soft breeze coming from the nearby vent.
Without realizing it, I close my eyes.
I breathe. In, and out, and in again.
The air is crisp, like a fresh apple. My mouth waters for a moment and I forget what I’m doing. I take another breath. It’s warm. It’s comfortable.
I can open my eyes. I open my eyes. I’m still sitting in the chair by the table in my room. Waiting.
Carefully, I move again. My arm pulls my fingers across the table—I feel them cross the small imperfections of the synthetic coating. Each bump causes a numb, sour reaction, like swallowing a lemon but in my fingers. This sting of citrus shoots further up my arm with each nanometer of table my fingerprints traverse.
The movement is unsettlingly saccharine.
I like it.
A loud, foggy noise forces my attention to the cubby on the hallway wall, just outside my room. I scramble to stand up. Everything is a little topsy-turvy, but I manage to take a few steps in that direction. My bare feet touch the ice-cold floor, sending more fizzy sensations up my legs and directly to the ball of happiness in my chest.
This is so much fun!
By the time I reach the cubby, the door has slid open on its own. I quickly reach inside and grab the waiting treat. I feel it, the smooth plastic wrapper tickling my fingers as I gently hold it. This is my food, my treat—my favorite candy.
My chocolate.
A loud buzzer goes off, startling me as I step away from the closing cubby. The speaker in the ceiling crackles for a moment, the prelude of the Voice.
“Eat the chocolate.”
Happy feelings flood the area behind my eyes and I forget what I was thinking about. Chocolate? My head is so full of sweetness that I forget everything but how pretty the Voice is. Blinking a few times, I remember the nice smooth plastic feeling in my fingers, my eyes come back into focus. The chocolate! It’s already in my hand. My mouth waters and I lick my lips.
“Return to your cell,” orders the Voice, interrupting my thoughts again. It’s just so pretty.
I shake my head—I can’t let the pretty voice distract me. If I don’t return to my cell fast enough, I could be punished. Being punished isn’t fun, it doesn’t feel good. I take a deep breath and focus on walking back to my room. As soon as I make it inside, the wall moves and closes me in. That’s fine, though. I already have what I need.
And I’m not alone.
“Lisa?” asks another pretty voice, the one attached to the girl chained to my wall. “More chocolate?”
“Mmm-hmm,” I lift it up to show her. “The plastic feels nice, in my fingers.” I smile to show her how amazing I feel, ever since I started listening to the Voice. Things had been so much happier. I even got to sleep on the cot, instead of chained up on the wall next to her!
“Do you… do you think you could share?” she asks me. “I’m so hungry.”
“Hungry?” What is hungry? I don’t remember what that means.
“You’ve been… eating all of it,” explained the girl. “I haven’t gotten any.”
“I kept it from you?” I don’t remember that, but the thought of keeping the sweet chocolate away from the wall girl hurt me, deep inside. I remember hurt still, it’s bad. “I’m sorry!” I feel something behind my eyes, a bad feeling.
“It’s not… your fault,” she spoke, slowly. “You’ve been forgetting.”
That doesn’t mean I’m not somehow hurting her, though. I need to help her. Doing my best to keep my balance, I walk towards her wall. With each step, she seems to tense a little, probably in happiness. Her breathing picks up a little and a few tears of joy escape from her eyes. She shares a small smile.
“You can have half.” I open the plastic wrapper and bring out the chocolate, enjoying how it melts just a little against the warmth of my fingers. “We can share!” I snap the bar into equal halves and hold the top half in her direction.
She takes a shaky breath. “Thank you, Lisa… but you’ll have to feed it to me.” She jostles a little, the chains not budging from the wall. “I’m stuck.”
That makes sense—and it sounds fun! But I remember trying this before, when the Voice told me to feed her. “You won’t make a mess this time, right?”
“No, I’m too… hungry for that.” More happy tears flow. “There’s no point.”
I believe her. She didn’t like how I was punished for her mess, I remember that now. It was so silly of her to worry about that, though. I had forgotten all about it until she reminded me. There’s no point in dwelling on past mistakes.
I break off a tiny portion of the chocolate bar and hold it to her mouth. “Open up!”
She swallows something already in her throat before slowly opening her jaw. Before she can change her mind, I place the chocolate on her tongue and help her jaw close shut with some gentle pressure. This chocolate is so good, she doesn’t even need to chew it. It will just melt on her tongue and spread its sweet goodness everywhere.
All we have to do is wait.
“Does it taste good?” I already know the answer, having tasted the chocolate myself. “I’m going to have some now.”
Her eyes go wide, and she shakes her head, swallowing the chocolate piece whole. “No! Just… keep feeding me, okay?”
She must really like it. I can understand that. I nod. “You can eat first.”
I break off another piece and place it into her waiting mouth. She quickly chews it and swallows, no longer waiting to savor the taste like before. I can see why the Voice likes to feed us chocolate, this is so much fun!
The next minute is more of this. I break off a piece, feed it to her, she chews for a few seconds and swallows. We repeat the motion a few more times before she slows down, and her head lolls forward. She looks so relaxed.
I know what she’s feeling, the happiness, the sweetness. Every time I eat the chocolate, I feel the same way. It helps me forget the bad feelings from before.
Looking down at the chocolate in my hand and notice that she still has plenty more to eat. I should help her a little more. I grab her by the chin to lift her up, leaving a smear of melted chocolate behind. Her eyes look so pretty, the pupils blown wide as she stares at me.
“Is it good?” I ask again.
She smiles as she answers, “Yes.”
Before she can say more, I place another piece of chocolate in her mouth. She eagerly closes her jaw. I can see her rolling the chocolate around with her tongue as she relaxes even further.
A loud crackling noise startles both of us for a moment, coming from the ceiling.
“Stand back,” says the Voice. I obey, even if I want to keep feeding her the chocolate. The Voice’s orders always have to be obeyed. I stand a few paces away from the wall before the Voice speaks again. “Hold.”
A clanking noise echoes through the room as the girl’s chains begin to loosen. I resist the urge to rush forward, to grab her, as she slides to the ground. She lands with a thud, groaning from her spot on the floor.
“Release.” The crackling stops. The Voice is gone.
I can move again.
“Lisa?” she calls out. She sounds so needy. “More chocolate… please?” She tries to lift herself up, but she’s too weak. I don’t know if it’s from the sweetness of the chocolate, or from being chained to the wall for such a long time.
Either way, I have the chocolate. Moving next to where she is fumbling around on the floor, I take a seat against the wall and pull her closer. She shivers at my touch. “You still have plenty left, no worries!”
The girl’s happy tears begin to flow again. “Thank you.”
We begin the ritual again, even though her hands are free. She must like it. I like it too. She opens her mouth, I place chocolate inside. She savors it, lets it melt a little, coats her tongue, then swallows. Repeat.
She feels so nice, up against me—so happy. Her smile grows as she pushes more and more of herself towards me. Where our bare skin rubs against each other, the tingles spread. It’s so much nicer than the cold floor, from the plastic wrapper. I sigh and relax a little. This girl… I think she was important to me, before. I can’t remember for sure, but this feeling is pleasant, outside the sweetness of the chocolate.
A moan startles me from my thoughts. The girl is panting now, her breathing short, her face warm and red. Her eyes unfocus as she finds the strength to press her lower body up against me, against my legs.
“More?” she begs.
She only has one piece left, so I have to decide. Do I keep feeding her, or do I save the other half for myself? Looking over at the girl, at how needy she is, it’s an easy decision. This is so much fun, I can settle for a little less today. I want to see how far this will go.