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One month into university, Seungmin still didn’t have any actual friends, like, at all.
The roommate he was randomly assigned somehow had his own friend group already, and acted like Seungmin wasn’t worth the dirt on his shoes. And Seungmin hadn’t really had the chance to meet anyone else, but he didn’t mind. Grades were the most important thing in the world to him, and if he stayed a loner in college, at least he would have more time to game and talk on the phone to his friends from back home. He could be a loser; it didn’t bother him.
It did, however, bother other people. Other kids didn’t sit by him in dining halls, and they didn’t talk to him in class. Maybe they were scared that being seen with Seungmin would make them look like losers, too.
Then, one month into Econ 101, the class was told to pair up for a partnered assignment. Seungmin watched from the back of the room as every other student in the large intro class grabbed a friend. He was left alone, as expected, and mentally started drafting an email to the professor to request to do the project alone. That’s how he preferred to do things, anyway.
While Seungmin idled at the back of the class, another student sat silently a few rows in front of him, tucked all the way to the side of the large lecture hall. He was watching everyone in class pair up with wide eyes darting back and forth, but making no move to go get himself a partner.
Seungmin recalled his name: Yang Jeongin. He was a first-year too, and shared the one class, Econ, with Seungmin, and he’d seen him on campus and in the library before but never with another student. He was always alone. Friendless, just like Seungmin. Another outcast. People probably avoided him like the plague.
Seungmin laughed to himself.
Jeongin looked over his shoulder at the sound, turning to Seungmin with apprehensive eyes.
Seungmin shrugged and tilted his head at him. A silent offer.
Jeongin nodded immediately. He started gathering his things, dropping all his pens and nearly his laptop onto the ground before he managed to shove everything in his backpack. Seungmin watched in amusement as Jeongin scurried up the aisle and shimmied down the row to sit next to Seungmin. He almost fell out of the chair trying to sit down.
“Hi,” Jeongin said. “Jeongin. Yang Jeongin.”
“Kim Seungmin,” Seungmin replied. “Do you wanna do this project together?”
“Yes, yes, please,” Jeongin hurried to answer. He smiled at Seungmin. The expression was big and boyish and full of gratitude, deep dimples adorning his cheeks as he bowed slightly in his seat at Seungmin.
That was the last time Seungmin ever saw Jeongin nervous or polite.
From then on their friendship was late night snacks and shared frustration over homework and insults hurled over long video calls, which started in an attempt to study together and quickly devolved into gaming sessions. It was Jeongin insisting on being treated to meals even though Seungmin bought the last two or three or ten. Sure, Jeongin's younger, but they’re in the same year and Seungmin was just as much of a broke student as he was. It was skipping dances and mixers and parties in favor of having a night in together, gaming, putting their heads together to invent stupid drinking games simply as an excuse to drink, or going to coin karaoke, or online shopping together until Jeongin's dad called to scold him about his credit card use and Seungmin sat by and listened to Jeongin get admonished for twenty minutes straight, pulling funny faces while Jeongin tried not to laugh the entire time.
In short, they were inseparable.
They did end up making other friends in university, of course. But Seungmin likes to lament that he met them all too late—he’d already been seen with Jeongin by everyone on campus, his fate cemented, and he was doomed to be Jeongin's one and only best friend. As if he’d had a gun to his head when he agreed to be roommates with him for their second, third, and fourth years, and again when they graduated and got an apartment with Felix.
Seungmin would complain and whinge about having to be best friends with Jeongin, and Jeongin would wrinkle his nose and say he got the short end of the stick, actually, because Jeongin gives Seungmin much needed fashion advice and what has Seungmin ever even done for him in return?
As much as they complained about each other’s presence, it didn’t change the fact that they were undeniably best friends. Although they graduated alongside a group of other friends, Seungmin and Jeongin were an inseparable pair and everyone knew it. Secretly, Seungmin wouldn’t have it any other way.
–
“I hate you.”
“I hate you more.”
“I hope you drop dead.”
“I hope so too, so I never have to see your stupid face again.”
“Eat shit, Yang Jeongin, or I swear, I’ll feed it to you myself—”
“Hey, guys?” It’s Felix’s voice, interrupting Seungmin and Jeongin. They pause their game, Seungmin flexing his sore fingers as he puts his controller down and looks away from the TV to see Felix standing at the doorway, looking somewhere between amused and embarrassed. Beside him is a guy Seungmin doesn’t recognize, who grins at Seungmin and Jeongin before ducking his head down and hiding his dimpled smile beneath the lid of his baseball cap.
“Hi, Lix-hyung,” Jeongin chirps.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Felix laughs. “This is Chris. I thought I’d bring him over and introduce you.”
“All good, I was getting bored, anyway,” Seungmin says, standing up to greet Felix’s new boyfriend, who they’ve been hearing so much about.
“You were not, you were busy getting smoked,” Jeongin snaps.
“In your dreams, deadweight,” Seungmin answers back, waiting until Jeongin stands up from the couch to knock him off balance, pushing him back down.
Jeongin scoffs and kicks the back of Seungmin’s knee, making his legs nearly buckle, then taunting him about one small fuckup Seungmin made on a technicality, as if Seungmin doesn’t have the majority of the kills from the last hour.
“Oh, I am so sending you my chiropractor bill for breaking my back making me hate-carry your ass all night—” Seungmin threatens, before Felix rushes in between them to stop any more physical violence. Seungmin may be scrappy with Jeongin, but he’d rather pull his own hair out than hurt Felix, so he obediently stops.
“Hey hey hey!” Felix chides, wrangling each of them so he has Seungmin’s hand in his right hand and Jeongin’s in his left. “Play nice. We have a guest over. Everybody, this is Channie-hyung, my boyfriend!”
“Nice to meet you,” Seungmin and Jeongin both say, bowing politely at the newcomer. Seungmin doesn’t miss the way Chan beams adoringly at Felix, holding back laughter before introducing himself properly.
“Hi guys, feel free to speak informally, I’m Chan. It’s nice to meet you, Lixie’s told me so much about you both.”
Felix laughs brightly. “This is Seungmin, and this is Jeongin. They’re our household pets.”
They both immediately protest.
“Seungmin-hyung’s a dog, sure, but me?” “Don’t lump me in with this animal, Lix, come on.”
Felix sighs. “They’re peas in a pod,” he says to Chan, as if Seungmin and Jeongin aren’t there.
“We are most certainly not—” Seungmin objects.
“I’m not letting him pea anywhere near my pod,” Jeongin says.
“They’re best friends,” Felix finishes. Chan nods sagely, like it makes perfect sense to him. Jeongin does a full-body shudder. So immature. Like the thought of the two of them being best friends is so repulsive it makes him have a physical reaction. Seungmin can’t help but agree.
“Are not,” he scoffs to Felix, only for Felix to roll his eyes.
“Are too.”
Equally elementary. This is why the three of them make perfect roommates.
They make Chan’s acquaintance, subtly vetting him for Felix—he’s the new boyfriend, and they both try to competitively intimidate him, making sure he’s a good fit for their friend—until the couple leaves to make their dinner reservation, and Seungmin and Jeongin turn their game back on.
It’s really not a best-friendship situation, Seungmin reasons, even though everyone else likes to call it one. Their other friends just happen to have other stuff to do tonight—Felix with his new boyfriend, Hyunjin with his art galleries, Jisung with his latest project in the recording booth. Their friend group of five had been like this in college, too, close but everyone with his own busy schedule and individual interests. So a lot of the time, Seungmin and Jeongin just ended up together by default. In the time since they’ve graduated, it feels like their dynamic hasn’t changed. Seungmin and Jeongin don’t intend to spend the most time together, but they just do. It just happens. It doesn’t make them best friends.
They just have a comfortable routine. Jeongin’s character dies onscreen first—because Seungmin is the better player—and he settles back on the couch, arm slung over the cushion behind Seungmin cockily, and teases him mercilessly until Seungmin dies too, so Seungmin tackles him into the couch, delighting as always in getting a rise out of him and pissing him off. They’re not best friends, or whatever. But there’s nothing quite as satisfying to Seungmin as making Jeongin flush, and it’s almost too easy to make him mad. That’s just what their friendship is like. Nothing more, nothing less.
–
One year after their graduation, Jeongin quits his job and starts at Seungmin’s company. It’s about time, too. He’d had a shitty job with a shitty manager and the change was much-needed.
They’re not in the same department—thank God—but Seungmin complains the whole week before Jeongin’s first day. ‘Why’d you have to follow hyung? You’re so obsessed with me. Would it kill you to have one original thought?’
Jeongin, meanwhile, had fired back ceaselessly. ‘You wish I was obsessed with you, loser. I didn’t even know you worked there. Try not to get fired once I start at your company and everyone realizes how much you suck in comparison to me.’
Despite his bravado, Jeongin was nervous. Seungmin could tell. The night before his first day, Jeongin couldn’t sleep, and stayed up until midnight in the living room in front of the TV, not really watching the drama he’d put on. Seungmin sat next to him. He wasn’t really watching either, but it was nice to just sit and do nothing. Jeongin seemed a little less antsy with Seungmin by his side anyway.
Seungmin happened to be on his phone, and he happened to think of a friend who worked in Jeongin's department. He idly texted Mujin while Jeongin squirmed on the couch beside him, alternating between biting his lip and gnawing on his nails.
seungmin
hi
i’m cashing in my favor
mujin
ominous
i only spilled a little coffee on you dude
so no big asks ok
seungmin
you spilled it on my WORK LAPTOP, i can ask you whatever i want
mujin
ㅋㅋㅋ ok yeah my bad
what is it?
seungmin
my friend jeongin is starting in sales tomorrow
mujin
oh what that’s cool
i guess i’ll see him
seungmin
yeah, you will. can you make sure he’s okay? in case orientation isn’t super helpful or he’s not paired with someone nice to show him the ropes. he’s nervous and a friendly face would definitely help
mujin
lol there’s nothing to be nervous about! tell him we don’t bite down here in sales >:)
seungmin
i’m serious
he’s super nervous, he’s sitting next to me right now and won’t stop fidgeting
can you help him please? make sure no one’s too hard on him okay?
mujin
like actually
this is what ur using ur favor on?
seungmin
yes?
why would this be a joke?
mujin
idk
ㅋㅋ
u could have asked me for anything
and instead u ask me to help somebody else
seungmin
so are you going to do it or not?
mujin
yeahhh i got you
i’ll show him around
seungmin
thank you.
let’s grab food sometime, yeah?
mujin
sure!
seungmin
you’re paying though.
mujin
damn.
Seungmin didn’t say much to Jeongin, just sat there and absorbed his nervous energy until Jeongin seemed too sleepy to fidget anymore, and then he ushered him off to bed and went to his own room.
Jeongin’s first day goes fine, of course. Just as Seungmin knew it would. He had faith in him. It didn’t hurt that Jeongin had a senior in his department looking after him already, but he didn’t have to know that that was Seungmin’s doing.
“So? How was it?” Seungmin asks when they meet up at the end of the day to take the train home together.
“They’re giving me your job,” Jeongin says. “Pack up your desk.”
“I hope you like sitting in the chair I spent the last year farting in,” Seungmin answers back, and spends the rest of the commute home dodging Jeongin swinging his bag at Seungmin, trying in vain to hit him or push him into the street.
–
Jeongin never said thank you, but Seungmin never doubted that he knew. Just like he never questioned it when Jeongin gave him clothes, claiming to have grown out of them when the clothes are pretty and brand-new and Jeongin is also not fucking taller than Seungmin, thank you very much.
It’s just like how Seungmin never second-guesses Jeongin when he tempts him to get take-out together at late hours of the night. It’s just something they do. Jeongin is always the first that Seungmin texts when he gets a late-night craving of his own, and he’s the first one to agree while the others have to be convinced to leave their beds or break their diets. Getting burgers and fries at 2AM is just their thing.
So Jeongin doesn’t say anything about Seungmin helping him, and Seungmin doesn’t expect him to. He just logs onto virtual meetings early, texts Jeongin to wish him the worst luck imaginable, and watches him through the webcam as Jeongin glances at his phone screen, smiling that bright boyish grin of his, tense shoulders relaxing, dimples appearing on his cheeks before he confidently begins the presentation he’d been so nervous for just five minutes ago.
It’s a quiet, unspoken thing. Their dynamic. Their best-friendship. There’s no need to embarrass either of them by mentioning it aloud, or trying to put it into words. But Jeongin does pay for their next few meals, batting away Seungmin’s card, and when Seungmin tries to tease him about being a big boy with a big salary, Jeongin just tells him to shut up instead of lunging across the dinner table to try to punch him like he usually would. Sometimes he’s so soft on Seungmin, it’s pathetic.
Seungmin, truthfully, wouldn’t change their dynamic for the world.
So he’s dismayed when something starts to disrupt it, and he’s truly disturbed when he finds out he has no one but himself to blame.
–
“Dinner?” Seungmin asks. It’s not really a question, because he knows what answer to expect. Every evening on the way home from work, Seungmin asks Jeongin if he wants to grab dinner, and Jeongin answers yes, but only if Seungmin is paying.
In reality, they usually play rock-paper-scissors to decide who pays, and Jeongin is as much of a sore winner as he is a sore loser, and Seungmin finds as much comfort in this part of their routine as anything else.
But today, Jeongin doesn’t answer back, ‘Sure, if you’re paying.’
Instead, he keeps staring at his phone, typing away. He’s been glued to the damn thing over the last few days. Just yesterday he missed most of the last episode of Jujutsu Kaisen and failed to follow along with any of the cool fights, while Seungmin had sat next to him with his arms crossed, irritated. His screen time must be astronomical.
But that’s not the worst part. No, the worst part is what Jeongin says next.
“Nah,” he says after he stops typing. “Gonna meet up with a friend.”
Seungmin looks around their bus for a moment, genuinely confused. Did he get on the right stop? Is this Jeongin he’s sitting next to?
“What? Who?” he asks. Then he realizes how crazy he sounds. Like a helicopter mom, or a paranoid boyfriend. He’s neither of those things. He clears his throat, and tries again. “Wh—Where you going? Bro?”
Jeongin spares him half a glance before looking back down at his phone.
“Just a friend. Someone from work,” Jeongin says, shrugging with one shoulder.
“What’s their name?” Seungmin asks. He’s trying hard to mask the shock in his voice. His discomfort is probably as clear as day on his face—he can practically feel his eye twitching. But luckily—or unluckily—Jeongin doesn’t look up from his phone to notice. He’s still texting.
“Beomgyu,” Jeongin answers.
Beomgyu.
Seungmin nods, and looks out the window as the streets fly by them in a blur.
Who the fuck is Beomgyu?
–
Choi Beomgyu is in sales. He’s a Pisces, from Daegu, an ‘01 liner, same as Jeongin, born in March, according to Seungmin’s research. He’s younger. Is that a dynamic he prefers? Is that what Jeongin likes?
Beomgyu is known as one of the funniest guys in the office. Everyone Seungmin talks to who knows him only has infuriatingly positive things to say about him. Even Mujin, who had apparently introduced Jeongin to Beomgyu, and who Seungmin now vehemently blames for everything. As if Seungmin’s not the one who forced Mujin to make sure Jeongin felt welcome in the department. Fuck. Whatever.
It’s not creepy, by the way. Seungmin is just vetting his friend’s new friend the way any friend would. He’s hesitant to accept change, hesitant to accept new people into his life, and he knows for a fact that Jeongin is, too. Jeongin once told him that the biggest payoff he’s ever had in his life was turning around in Econ 101 and befriending Seungmin, because he’d been terrified but it had had changed his life for the better. And sure, Jeongin had been drunk—blasted off his face, really—just like Seungmin when he’d admitted it to him, but Seungmin’s never forgotten it.
So it’s only natural that he tries to learn more about Jeongin’s sudden new best friend who popped up out of nowhere.
“Beomgyu’s nice. He once clocked me into work when I was late so I wouldn’t get in trouble. I’ve already gotten a verbal warning,” Heeseung laments to Seungmin. Okay. So Beomgyu is willing to break the rules and violate company policy. Not so great of a guy. But who is Seungmin to judge.
“Beomgyu’s great, he always picks up the mood during boring meetings with a joke,” Jimin chirps. Alright, so he doesn’t read the room, doesn’t match the vibe, doesn’t keep things professional. Whatever. He doesn’t sound as great as people think. Seungmin bites his tongue and keeps eating his lunch. He hates eating at his desk. But he has no one to eat with. Someone (Jeongin) is busy through lunch today, probably yapping away with the company’s biggest snake, Beomgyu. Leaving Seungmin all on his own. To fend for himself. Abandoned and all alone.
“Anyway, wanna come eat with us?” Jimin asks Seungmin, pointing over his shoulder to a group of his friends.
Seungmin shakes his head and goes back to stewing in his thoughts.
Privately, he’s made up his mind, although he’d never admit it aloud. He can’t let this get worse. Jeongin is basically his best and only friend. Beomgyu is bad news, even if no one knows it yet. Seungmin needs to get his best friend out of his clutches.
–
He goes home that night, determined to meet Jeongin in their living room, to confront him and tell him he’s collected data—yes, data, he’s done his research—about how Beomgyu is not best friend material. How Jeongin is barking up the wrong tree, looking in the wrong place for friendship that he could easily find elsewhere. Here, for example. Seungmin has been neglected while Jeongin frolicks about town with Beomgyu. He’s only had dinner with Jeongin twice this week, rather than at every given opportunity. It’s maddening.
And then… And then Jeongin doesn’t even come home.
When Seungmin startles awake on the couch, it’s five in the morning, and his neck aches. A quick once-over of his surroundings tells him that Jeongin isn’t home. His shoes aren’t in the hallway, his coat isn’t carelessly thrown over the back of a chair, and he’d never walk to his own room past Seungmin sleeping on the couch without waking him and coaxing him to go to bed. Jeongin never came home last night.
Seungmin grabs his phone in a panic, frantically unlocking it to call Jeongin, catastrophizing the whole time, worried about him. What if Beomgyu’s a serial killer? Statistically improbable, but not impossible. What if he’s a poor driver and they’ve been in some sort of accident? Far more plausible. What if they just had too much fun at dinner? It’s the most likely possibility. What if dinner turned into drinks? What if dinner turned into drinks turned into dancing turned into a nightcap at Beomgyu’s place—?
Jeongin picks up in three agonizing rings and Seungmin thanks the stars above that he’s alive, that he hasn’t been ax-murdered by his new serial killer best friend.
“Why?” Jeongin groans, instead of a greeting.
“Yen-ah, where are you?” Seungmin demands.
Jeongin groans again, like he’s stretching. “I’m at Beomgyu’s. We stayed at a PC bang late last night. I crashed on his couch.”
“You never came home,” Seungmin says, reeling with new information. He feels dazed. He should shut up. There’s nothing he can say right now to redeem himself from this.
“Mm. Sorry. Should have texted you, hyung.” Jeongin’s voice has softened, probably because he’s sleepy. “Didn’t mean to worry you. Thanks for checking up on me.”
“I. Yeah. Okay. Thanks,” Seungmin says intelligently. “Alright. See you at work. If I see you.”
Jeongin laughs. He’s down on the third floor, and Seungmin works on the fifth. They don’t cross paths, unless it’s intentional. And there hasn’t been much intention lately.
“Right,” he says. His laugh is so low in the morning. Rumbly and gentle. Sleepy. “You wanna get lunch today? Noon?”
Seungmin’s been so starved for their friendship that he feels his stomach flip in excitement.
“Um, okay. If you want. If you pay.”
Jeongin laughs again, deep in Seungmin’s ears. The prettiest sound he could hear on a mundane Wednesday morning.
“Okay, hyung. Bye.”
And then, just before he hangs up, Seungmin hears another voice. One he doesn’t recognize, although he knows who it belongs to.
“Who’s that, Jeonginnie?”
Then the line disconnects, and Seungmin is left sitting on the couch in his clothes from last night, a crick aching in his neck, adrenaline pumping from the fear of discovering Jeongin missing to the shame of realizing he’d overreacted to the anger of hearing another voice on the call. He’d asked an innocent question, but Seungmin’s upset anyway. Does Beomgyu not know who he is? Does Jeongin not talk about him? Does he not know Seungmin is Jeongin's best friend? That Jeongin is Seungmin’s?
–
Things are okay for almost all of lunch. Jeongin and Seungmin line up together in the company cafeteria, each trying to knock into the other’s trays while keeping their own lunches upright. Jeongin turns his nose up at Seungmin’s food selections while Seungmin pretends to gag over Jeongin's food combinations—who pours almond milk into their instant ramen? And they eat and catch up and complain about work, and things are okay.
Until Seungmin has to ask.
“So, Beomgyu.”
Jeongin’s lips slowly close around his fork. He takes his time chewing and swallowing a chunk of pineapple, and Seungmin doesn’t look away from his mouth the entire time, intent on hearing an explanation.
“Yeah? What about him?” Jeongin asks.
“What about him?” Seungmin echoes. “Why are you hanging out with him so much?”
Jeongin shrugs. “He’s a good guy. I don’t know, he’s fun to hang out with. Nice. He helps me with work stuff, too.”
“I thought Mujin has been helping you,” Seungmin says icily. Mujin is preferred. He’s safe. Sees Jeongin in a professional light, and knows how Seungmin feels about him. Like, about the situation. Plus, Mujin has a girlfriend. What does Beomgyu have?
“Yeah, but it’s nice to get two different perspectives sometimes,” Jeongin says. “Sometimes, one person sees things in a totally different light than the other, and they’d never know they saw the same situation differently if they never talked about it.”
“So, Beomgyu,” Seungmin concludes. A little snarky, a little dry. He can’t help it. Beomgyu seems like a leech. Condescending, even, for overstepping and teaching Jeongin when he already has a mentor. Totally unnecessary. Stepping in shoes that don’t fit him. Seungmin bets he’s taller than that guy. More handsome, too.
“So, Beomgyu,” Jeongin agrees. Not noticing Seungmin’s snark, maybe, or ignoring it.
“So he teaches you,” Seungmin says. “So you have to get dinner with him? And lunch? And go gaming with him until it’s so late you forget to come home?”
Finally Jeongin eyes Seungmin. “What’s with you?”
“Nothing,” Seungmin says. He’ll back off. “Nothing. Forget I said anything. Shouldn’t be hard.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jeongin snaps.
“Nothing!” Seungmin answers back.
Jeongin stares at him. He picks up his tray, and leaves.
Okay, so that might have been bad. They fought. Although Seungmin and Jeongin are technically done eating, so. It wasn’t really a storming off. So did it really constitute a fight?
Seungmin’s stomach gurgles. It’s not hungry—he just ate. It’s guilt, sitting in there alongside the soup of the day. He feels guilty. They fought, and it was his fault.
Seungmin huffs. It was Choi Beomgyu’s fault.
–
He sees a lot less of Jeongin from then on, if it’s even possible. He’s not around in the apartment, nowhere to be seen at work. He’s not even in the cafeteria when Seungmin gets down there, although he catches word of a few of the guys in sales going out to a cafe nearby for lunch to escape the company food. Seungmin squeezes his plastic cup until his americano spills over his fingers.
Even still, Jeongin's presence remains in the apartment. Not his usual lively self, cooking up a disaster in the kitchen or lounging across the couch with his cardigans draped over the arm of the sofa and his long legs sprawled across the cushions. No, it’s more like the ghost of him, lurking in empty corners, reminding Seungmin of the best friend he used to have. His recycling doesn’t pile up in the hallway, but the empty space they’d deemed the recycling nook remains. His shitty cooking doesn’t set off the fire alarm anymore, but that’s also because their last attempt at making dinner led to Jeongin having to destroy their smoke detector because it went off and then malfunctioned and never stopped beeping. He’d stood on a chair and gotten on his tiptoes to pull it clean off the ceiling and smash it with a rolling pin, all while he and Seungmin had cackled with laughter, practically in hysterics over their failed attempt at frying mackerel, which was supposed to be simple and resulted in the funeral they held for their smoke detector.
The empty space where Jeongin used to be makes Seungmin feel hollow, too.
It doesn’t help that Jeongin seems to think he can be both Seungmin’s best friend and Beomgyu’s at the same time. He orders a new jacket for himself online and then leaves the half-empty box on Seungmin’s bed, and when Seungmin looks inside he finds a brand-new scarf. It’s not Jeongin's style, clearly left on Seungmin’s bed on purpose.
And he still pays attention to the things Seungmin cares about. After the last tragic loss of the Lotte Giants to the Kia Tigers, Seungmin had grumpily taken down his Giants magnet off the fridge and put it on the top of the fridge, out of sight where it wouldn’t annoy him. They’d lost 9-1, for God’s sake.
And then they win against the Samsung Lions. Seungmin had known they were playing but wasn’t following the score, and he didn't know that his team had won until the next morning, when he noticed the fridge magnet back on the fridge, at Jeongin’s and Seungmin’s eye level. It wouldn’t have been Felix, anyway, he spent last night at Chan’s.
And Jeongin spent the night before at Beomgyu’s. And Seungmin has spent every night alone in his bedroom, wallowing. Whether Jeongin’s home or not, things are not good between them. They existed in such a nice balance, in such a perfect harmony. And then Beomgyu came and knocked everything askew.
Seungmin spends a few days feeling horrible about everything. About not being able to protect Jeongin from a new friend who’s not trustworthy, about losing his precious best friend to a stranger who Seungmin doesn’t even know. He’s been demoted on Jeongin’s list of friends, he can tell. He’s been bumped down to once-a-week dinners, and he seethes with bitterness as he rides the elevator down to Jeongin’s floor to meet him after work for dinner. For precious, now scarce alone time together.
There’s a man on the elevator when Seungmin gets on, and he doesn’t take much notice of him. Only when the elevator jolts to a stop suddenly does Seungmin even look at his face.
He sees surprise on his face that must match Seungmin’s own expression, because the man laughs, a bit nervously, diffusing the tension.
“That’s not good,” he jokes, and he’s got a friendly smile and a handsome face, but Seungmin can’t see much because dark spots are dancing in his vision, and he grips the handrail beside him so he doesn’t topple over.
The elevator has stopped. Broken. The elevator is broken and Seungmin is inside it, and ordinarily such a thing wouldn’t get to him but he’s been a nervous wreck and this is the last thing in the world he needs right now, when he’s on his way to see his best friend who might not be his best friend for very much longer, especially if Seungmin bails on their dinner plans with no warning. And Seungmin doesn’t love heights. Or enclosed spaces, honestly.
“Hey, it’s okay,” the man says then. His voice softens, no longer casual and joking but now gentle, like Seungmin is a spooked animal. “These things happen. I know the guys who work in facilities, they’ll have us out in no time. We’ll sue the building owners and make millions, we’ll never have to work another day of our lives here again.”
Despite himself, Seungmin laughs. The man’s face grows a little clearer, his vision brightening. Seungmin hears himself agree, his voice quiet, but at least it’s not shaking or wet with tears.
“I don’t know about you, but I would take at least a vacation day or two if the company wanted to give me one,” the guy laughs. “As an apology for their slow-ass elevators. And the cheap coffee and buzzing fluorescent lights, while they’re at it.”
“The coffee is pretty bad,” Seungmin agrees softly.
“Right?” the guy asks. “Hey, maybe we can make some demands when we get out of here.”
Then, a voice speaks over the speaker system in the elevator, tinny and mechanic. The light by the alarm is lit up, the man must have hit the get help button while Seungmin was busy tripping out.
“Hello? The elevator will get moving in just a moment. Sorry for the inconvenience,” the disembodied voice announces.
“No problem, we’ve got quite a nice lawsuit on our hands,” the man jokes back. Seungmin isn’t even sure if they can be heard from inside the elevator, but the man’s cheery attitude makes him laugh, and relaxes him, and it’s uncomfortable in here but in reality they probably haven’t been in here for a long time, right? Even though it feels like an hour, it must have only been five minutes, he reasons. Jeongin might still be waiting for Seungmin. Hopefully. Not fed up and leaving the building with alternative options for best friends.
A few minutes later, the elevator kicks into motion, startling Seungmin, and they start to go to the first floor. Seungmin tries to hide the fact that he’d been jump scared, but the man speaks to him, gently, not looking at him, which helps him feel a little less embarrassed.
“It’s okay,” he says. “We’ll be out of here soon.”
“Thanks,” Seungmin mumbles under his breath. “For. All of that.”
“No problem,” the man says simply. “I feel like that sometimes too. Helps when you’re with someone who understands.”
It does, Seungmin thinks.
Finally, the elevator doors open, and a few employees from the building are standing by the entrance, chattering and holding tool boxes and ushering Seungmin and the man out so they can inspect the elevator. Before Seungmin can collect himself, a warm presence wraps itself around his shoulders and presses against his side.
“Hey.” It’s Jeongin. “Didn’t know it was you stuck in the elevator. No wonder you took so long. Hey—you’re shaking. You okay?”
Seungmin doesn’t get a chance to respond before Jeongin's eyes dart to someone behind him, and he smiles in recognition.
“Oh, Beomgyu! You were stuck in there too?”
The man who was trapped in the elevator with Seungmin comes over and daps up Jeongin. Seungmin feels his head spinning again.
“Yeah, and I’m gonna sue this place into the ground over it.”
“Okay, psycho,” Jeongin laughs. His arm slips off Seungmin’s shoulders, tragically, although his hand remains resting on the small of his back. “This is my friend Seungmin. You guys were trapped together?”
“Oh! Seungmin!” Beomgyu’s eyes widen. Seungmin has a vision of Beomgyu telling Jeongin about his elevator freak-out and them laughing at him together. But he doesn’t. Instead he just smiles. “What’s up, man. Nice to meet you. I’m Beomgyu.”
“Choi Beomgyu,” Seungmin says in a daze, instead of his own name, and shakes his outstretched hand.
“Yep!” Beomgyu says. “Well, I’m heading home. You guys won’t be seeing me back at work after my lawsuit, so say goodbye to this pretty face.”
“Get out of here, ugly,” Jeongin laughs, and Seungmin can’t help but frown at him. He thought calling each other ugly was their thing. And here Jeongin is, calling other guys ugly with that teasing grin and those fond eyes. He thought they had something.
Then Jeongin fixes those eyes on Seungmin and speaks quieter. “You okay?” he asks. “Sorry you got stuck in the elevator. This building is a dump.”
His words are simple, but his hand rubbing up and down on Seungmin’s back is grounding. Seungmin takes a breath, and when he speaks, he feels like himself again.
“I’m fine. Is it too late for sundaeguk?”
Jeongin smiles. “We can still catch the bus, we’re not late at all. Come on.”
“Thanks for waiting,” Seungmin says, as casually as he can muster, as they walk out into the frigid night together.
“Of course,” Jeongin says. Then nudges Seungmin’s shoulder. “As long as you’re paying.”
“As if.”
“You better.”
“You’re dreaming.”
He laughs, and feels the nervousness from earlier seep out of him. This is why they work as best friends. Things are so easy, so natural. It’s so comfortable that Seungmin wouldn’t change it for the world, no matter how many dumb fights they have, no matter how intense his feelings for him get, no longer ignorable or deniable but tangibly, definitively real. No matter what, Seungmin wouldn’t give up being best friends with Jeongin for the world. He thinks—he hopes Jeongin feels the same way.
–
They don’t actually talk about Beomgyu that night. In fact, Seungmin thinks the less he knows the better. Why make himself sick with jealousy when it won’t do anyone any good? He’s happy to ignore the unfortunately rather handsome elephant in the room, and just enjoy the time that he does get to spend with Jeongin.
But it’s like a switch flips in Jeongin, and suddenly he’s working overtime to try to get Seungmin and Beomgyu to hang out. Figuratively, of course. Jeongin would never work overtime, the lazy little brat.
But suddenly Jeongin is shooting Seungmin random texts all the time, inviting him to grab coffee with Beomgyu, or to happy hour tonight with Beomgyu, or to an izakaya this weekend as a work thing.
“A work thing?” Seungmin questions, lounging on the couch after they get home from the office that night. “You do know that you and I don’t work together.”
“We’re all in the same company,” Jeongin reasons. “Same family. Spread the love. Y’know?”
“Are you recruiting me into some sort of sales cult that I don’t know about?”
“Just because software engineers are antisocial doesn’t mean other departments don’t hang out in their free time,” Jeongin retorts back. Seungmin wipes sauce off his face from his tangsuyuk and smears it on Jeongin's arm, making him squirm and wriggle away.
“I’m not going to a sales hangout when I won’t know anyone there besides you,” Seungmin says. They’ll think he’s Jeongin's plus one. His date. His boyfriend. And as much as Seungmin would like that, he doesn’t need the constant reminder that it’s not true.
“You’ll know Beomgyu!” Jeongin says excitedly, and Seungmin stares at him.
“I don’t know what you think happened on that elevator, but—”
“Just come and hang out with us,” Jeongin interrupts earnestly.
“No! I don’t even know him.”
“Yeah, but you should!”
“Why?” Seungmin asks, fed up.
“I don’t know,” Jeongin says, equally exasperated. “I want you guys to get along!”
“Why does it matter?”
“Because you’re my best friend!” Jeongin says. “And Beomgyu’s my friend now too, and it’d be cool if you guys were friends with each other.”
Seungmin pauses. “I’m still your best friend?”
Jeongin glares at him like he’s a moron. “Of course you’re still my best friend. What the fuck. You replacing me or something?”
“No,” Seungmin says. “Beomgyu’s not your new best friend?”
“Dude, no. You’re still my best friend,” Jeongin says firmly. Then his eyes widen. “Is this why you hate Beomgyu?”
“I don’t hate him,” Seungmin quickly denies. “It just feels like pretty soon he’s gonna be the person you see the most every day.”
Jeongin squints at him, and suddenly Seungmin feels scrutinized, and incredibly on display.
“I don’t think you know how much I like you,” Jeongin finally sighs. Seungmin’s heart skips a beat, but Jeongin is already backtracking, shaking his head. “I mean, it’s just, you act like I must hate you. Like we’re only friends because it’s convenient. But the reason why I’m friends with you is because I like hanging out with you. Not because I have to, or because I don’t have any other option, or because I’m just waiting for my next best friend to come along, or something. This isn’t freshman year anymore, hyung. You’re not my only friend anymore. You’re just the one I like the most.”
For a moment, Seungmin opens his mouth and tries to think of a comeback or insult or joke to make in response to that before he fully processes it, realizing it’s earnest, realizing Jeongin is entirely serious and saying exactly what Seungmin’s been hoping he feels.
He shuts his mouth and then reopens it to try again. “Um. You’re the person I like most, too.”
Jeongin blinks, almost shy, until his expression shifts into one of put-on irritation and he rolls his eyes. “I better be. I’ve been carrying your ass in League for so many years.”
“Big talk for a guy who can’t tell his left from his right the second he’s under any pressure at all in the middle of a game.”
“I’m dyslexic!”
“You are not!” Seungmin says because he knows for a fact he’s not, and Jeongin likes to make bullshit excuses whenever he’s playing worse than Seungmin, and his responding indignant laughter and arguing are so endearing, so familiar and funny, so him. He’s so Jeongin. Seungmin likes him so much.
–
In the end, Seungmin manages to get out of going out with Jeongin's department on Friday night. He makes the first excuse he can think of when Jeongin turns up at his bedroom door, saying he has dinner plans, and when Jeongin questions him about it he just says he’s meeting someone from a dating app. Never mind the fact that Seungmin hates dating apps and is, at the moment, head over heels in love with his best friend. He can’t exactly say he has plans with one of his other friends, because Jeongin knows them all well, and Seungmin doesn’t want to risk being caught in a lie. He doesn’t want to lie at all… but he can’t stomach seeing Jeongin with Beomgyu, knowing how well they get along, and how happy Beomgyu makes Jeongin as his friend. His best friend, even. Or maybe more.
Seungmin can’t think about it without feeling sick.
Mercifully, Jeongin buys the lie about the date. He doesn’t ask any follow-up questions, like he would if Seungmin had said he was going out with one of their friends like Felix or Changbin. Instead he just falls silent and nods. He wishes Seungmin a good night, his voice strained. He leaves the apartment a few minutes later, sparing Seungmin one long final look, before stiffly walking out the door, and Seungmin breathes a heavy sigh of relief. He’s so relieved that Jeongin didn’t make him come to dinner with Beomgyu that he can’t focus on anything else for the rest of the night.
And then Saturday rolls around, and Jeongin’s still not really in the apartment. Seungmin spends the day doing errands and trying to keep himself busy. He does actually meet up with Felix and Changbin at the gym and to get a post-workout smoothie, but they’ve both got plans for the rest of the weekend, and Felix is planning to sleep over at his boyfriend’s. The moment Seungmin is alone again his thoughts float back to Jeongin. To wondering what he’s doing, to hoping he’s not with Beomgyu, to feeling guilty about feeling so possessive.
Jeongin texts him he won’t be home for dinner, and Seungmin lets himself mope about it until it’s late. Then, with loneliness eating at him like mosquitos swarming around him in the summertime, he woefully picks up his phone and texts Chan, asking if he wants dinner. It’s a long shot, but Felix turns out to be asleep at Chan’s place, and Chan, as always, can’t sleep and is working on his laptop, so he responds with a thumbs up emoji and the address of a pocha near him.
It’s nearly midnight when they meet up, and Seungmin lets Chan take his mind off his sorrows. It’s good to see him, to catch up, to let him make fun of Seungmin for limping around because he tried to do Changbin’s lower body routine today and Seungmin doesn’t really frequent the gym at all so his thighs are paying for it now. It’s nice to see his hyung, but then they part ways at the end of the night, and long after Chan has released Seungmin from the clutches of an excessively tight and prolonged goodbye hug, Seungmin is alone again, in bed, unable to sleep because he’s listening out for the sound of the front door opening, footsteps in the doorway, soft humming as Jeongin washes up and heads to bed, all his comfortingly familiar sounds.
But Seungmin falls asleep in an empty apartment.
On Sunday, Seungmin is starting to go nuts. He’s jealous. It’s childish, and selfish. It’s pathetic. He’s being a lonely loser.
He manages to crawl out of bed before noon, forcing himself to confront the empty apartment. He passes time for a while gaming with Jisung and Hyunjin on videocall, all three of them cursing at each other, and it’s childishly competitive and wildly fun. Then he gets lunch with Minho, who by now must know from the others that something’s up with Seungmin. It’s Minho, though, so he doesn’t pry or treat Seungmin with kid gloves. He teases and bullies Seungmin the way he usually does, and Seungmin is as grateful for the distraction as he is for Minho grilling up meat between them, slapping Seungmin’s hand out of the way to serve samgyeopsal into Seungmin’s plate and pour barley tea into his cup for the entire meal. Seungmin usually tries to do the work when the two of them are eating and he usually wins, but today, Minho takes care of it. It’s nice. All of his friends have been paying extra close attention to him. Except Jeongin.
Seungmin sulks as they leave the restaurant. Minho punches Seungmin’s arm wordlessly, and gives him a look that Seungmin knows means, ‘If something is bothering you, you can tell us.’ Seungmin doesn’t say anything. But he does punch Minho back. Minho offers him a small smile, and gets off the subway at his stop.
On Sunday evening, Seungmin can’t take the loneliness anymore. He downloads a dating app, makes a match, and sends a message.
He finds himself at a nice restaurant not much later, feeling out of place and frazzled as he waits for his date to arrive. He’s sweating in his nice sweater and slacks, but he didn’t have time to second guess himself before heading out the door, and now he’s clenching his fists, trying to hide his nervousness as he loiters by the bar.
But then Gwinam shows up, and his easy confidence somehow, miraculously rubs off on Seungmin a little. The whiskey they drink doesn’t hurt, either, and by the end of the meal Seungmin is a little pink in the face from the alcohol, and a little bit pink in the face from all of Gwinam’s compliments.
He’s polite, and good-looking, and surprisingly taller than Seungmin, and Seungmin attentively tries to learn more about him, asking questions and nodding in interest as they share more about themselves to each other. As far as first dates go, it’s pleasant, and Seungmin can’t complain.
Until they’re back at Gwinam’s place.
In a sudden and brief flash of confidence, Seungmin had agreed when Gwinam invited him over, but now that he’s here, he can’t help but feel awkward. He’s sitting at a barstool at a kitchen island, pretending to sip another whiskey, but he already feels hot under his collar and doesn’t want any more alcohol to incapacitate him. They chat until Gwinam circles the counter and approaches Seungmin and kisses him.
And Seungmin can’t stop thinking about Jeongin.
His smile, his dimples. His hands. The soft way he touches Seungmin, when both of them are pretending not to notice it—guiding him through the stands at a baseball game with a hand on his back, or nudging their thighs together when they’re watching a scary movie on the couch together. He thinks about Jeongin’s humor, his sweet laugh. He thinks about his lips. How they’d feel on Seungmin’s. He wonders how it would feel to kiss him.
Seungmin pulls away from his date.
Gwinam blinks at him.
“I’m sorry,” Seungmin thinks he’s saying. “I—I can’t. I have to, um. Sorry.”
He thinks he excuses him to the bathroom. All the while Gwinam stares at him. He’s not imposing or angry or aggressive at all, but he does raise his eyebrows at Seungmin, his upper lip pulled back like maybe a grimace or a sneer, like maybe he’s judging him or unimpressed or annoyed or disgusted with how much of a pathetic loser Seungmin is.
Seungmin scurries to a room that he (thankfully correctly) guesses is the bathroom in Gwinam’s apartment and locks the door behind himself.
He pulls out his phone. He doesn’t want to, but. Fuck it, he has to. It’s the safest thing to do. The smartest and quickest and most efficient solution to this problem he’s found himself in. And yet. He really, really doesn’t want to. He feels terrible texting Jeongin, but he’s the only person who he knows has a car, can drive, lives in the district, and isn’t working at the moment.
seungmin
can you come pick me up?
jeongin
?
[One missed call from Yang Jeongin]
seungmin
i can’t call i’m in the guy’s bathroom, he’ll hear me
jeongin
are u ok
i’m coming
rn
i’m getting in my car
are u ok???
seungmin
yes i’m fine sorry
just want this date to be over
sorry
i’m ok though sorry if you were doing something, it’s ok if you’re busy
you don’t have to come
i’m sorry
jeongin
I’m on my way to your location now but send me your address. It’s easier for me to drive to. Stay in the bathroom if you’re not safe.
From Jeongin’s sudden change in punctuation and grammar, Seungmin guesses that he’s using voice dictation to text Seungmin, so he quickly sends Jeongin his address along with more reassurance that he’s safe and fine. Really, he wants to tell him that he’s just an overreacting dumb awkward idiot who needs to be picked up from a date by his roommate like a little kid who needs to be picked up from a sleepover by his mom. But he doesn’t want to distract Jeongin on the road, or unpack all of his complicated feelings and regrets over text, so he keeps it brief.
seungmin
[address link]
this is the address
i’m 100% fine, i’m really sorry to inconvenience you
i’ll come down to the street in a few minutes, i’ll come find your car
thank you innie
Seungmin steels himself and leaves the bathroom.
Gwinam is on his couch, texting on his phone, almost entirely uninterested the whole time that Seungmin is fumbling through a lie and an excuse and an awkward apology, and then Seungmin is too uncomfortable to even look at Gwinam to see what his reaction is as he shoves on his shoes and grabs his jacket and practically runs out the door.
He rushes down the stairs and out the front door of the building before realizing that he has no idea where Jeongin is or where he was driving from, and it’s zero degrees outside and his jacket isn’t on, and the building door has just locked behind him. The freezing cold hits him, and Seungmin swears under his breath as he starts to put his jacket on, ready to wait for his ride.
But then a car speeds down the road and halts suddenly across the street with a screech. Someone comes out of the driver’s seat, in too much of a hurry to close the door behind him, dressed in just a hoodie despite the fact that it’s freezing out and Jeongin must be cold without a jacket on.
Seungmin almost startles to recognize him, watching in surprise as Jeongin races up and down the sidewalk, searching every building for their street numbers until his eyes land on Seungmin across the street.
Seungmin runs across the street as fast as he can. Because he’s cold, and he’s embarrassed, and he feels bad that he’s inconvenienced his friend. And also because he’s so relieved to see Jeongin, and Jeongin looks so relieved to see him, opening his arms for Seungmin, rushing forward to meet him with a hug as they collide by Jeongin’s car, and Seungmin buries his face in Jeongin’s shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Seungmin-hyung,” Jeongin whispers. His arms are wrapped tightly around Seungmin, a welcome reprieve from the cold. His voice is shaking. He must be cold.
Seungmin pulls away from the hug and can’t even look Jeongin in the eye, he feels so guilty.
“I’m so sorry I made you come get me, I was just being stupid. I’m fine, though.”
Jeongin’s hand finds its way to the side of Seungmin’s neck, his fingers in Seungmin’s hair, scratching, soothing.
“You’re okay?” he asks quietly.
“I’m fine,” Seungmin says quickly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your night.”
“Shut up, hyung,” Jeongin scolds. He sounds so whiny it’s almost funny, basically a return to their regular dynamic, and then Seungmin is smiling without knowing why, and he squeezes Jeongin’s arm one more time before he lets him go from their embrace.
“Let’s go home,” he murmurs, and they both rush to Jeongin’s car, their breath visible in puffs in the cold air before them.
As they drive through the night, Seungmin fills Jeongin in. He doesn’t go into detail, but he tells him everything he feels Jeongin should know, as someone who dropped everything to come to Seungmin’s aid. He really is a wonderful friend, and Seungmin owes him some semblance of the truth.
“He didn’t do anything,” Seungmin says for what feels like the hundredth time. “I just didn’t feel good, and I wanted to go home, and, I don’t know. I was drinking and I was tired and I didn’t wanna call a car, so I texted you. But yeah, again, I’m really sorry, Innie. I didn’t mean to bother you. Or ruin your night.”
“It’s okay,” Jeongin says, also for what feels like the hundredth time. “I wasn’t doing anything, I was just hanging out with Beomgyu. I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Thanks,” Seungmin mumbles numbly. He watches streetlights pass by in flashes as they drive home.
“You sure he didn’t do anything to make you feel… pressured?” Jeongin asks after a beat of silence.
“Honestly, I’m sure. He didn’t,” Seungmin reassures. “Nothing happened. I was just in my own head, and then I just wanted to go home, you know?”
Jeongin doesn’t say anything for another moment.
“Then what happened?” he asks. “What was wrong with him?”
‘Why didn’t you hook up with him?’ he’s essentially asking, Seungmin knows. ‘What’s wrong with you?”
Seungmin bites his tongue. Doesn’t answer Jeongin’s question. He can’t. There wasn’t really anything wrong with Gwinam. He just wasn’t right for Seungmin. He wasn’t what he wanted.
He wasn’t you.
They pull into their apartment’s parking lot, and anxiety that Seungmin didn’t know he had eases in his ribcage like a knot loosening. In the darkened lot, he takes a deep breath, and tries to calm his nerves from tonight.
He walks from the car to the building stairs until Jeongin is teasing him, muttering challenges at him and bumping into him and then chasing him as they so often do, and Seungmin finds himself racing up the stairs and down the hall with laughter bubbling out of him. He comes home with Jeongin with a grin on his face, amazed to feel so much better than he had just half an hour ago. He’s home. He’s with Jeongin again, finally.
Things are almost normal, too. Seungmin calls dibs on showering first, and Jeongin makes a snide remark about how Seungmin smells long overdue for a shower, and they insult each other back and forth until they’re in their apartment, the door locked behind them, Seungmin down the hallway, his hand on his doorknob, almost safe in his bedroom.
“You’re gross,” Seungmin says to Jeongin. Not much of a comeback. But it’s worth lingering outside his room to see the smile he knows the insult will coax upon Jeongin’s face.
“No, you,” Jeongin says. Equally stupid. Just as juvenile. Grinning dumbly with his hand on his bedroom doorknob too, about to go inside until he lets go, and takes a few steps back down the hall to approach Seungmin. His smile slides off his face, melting into a little frown.
Seungmin is brainstorming his next insult when he has the breath knocked out of him by Jeongin, who wraps his arms around Seungmin in another hug.
It’s sudden, and Seungmin feels vulnerable immediately. There’s no reason for this hug. They can’t hide behind the excuse of the cold, or the fact that Seungmin is grateful to be picked up or Jeongin is worried about him or that they haven’t seen each other in a while. There’s no reason for this hug.
But Seungmin melts into Jeongin’s arms all the same. He feels safe in his embrace, Jeongin’s hold tightening around his waist, his face tucked against Seungmin’s, his breathing a little quicker than normal. Seungmin holds him until they’re both breathing steadily. He’s not sure which one of them this hug is supposed to comfort, but he welcomes it anyway. Jeongin is warm, and sorely missed, and really, the harsh reality is that Seungmin doesn’t know how many more of these lovely roommate hugs he has left. And Jeongin’s hands feel so nice, big and splayed across Seungmin’s back, squeezing him tightly, reassuring them both that they’re here, they’re together for now.
“Are you okay?” Jeongin asks. He’s asked it a dozen times tonight. He must need to hear it again. Seungmin’s heart almost aches for how sensitive his best friend is. How caring he is. How good he is. He couldn’t bear to hurt Jeongin or burden him at all, even with his own feelings.
“I’m fine, Iyen-ah,” he says to him.
“Promise me you’re okay,” Jeongin says, insistent, words muffled into Seungmin’s shoulder, and Seungmin sighs heavily, his hand stroking up and down Jeongin’s back soothingly.
“Yes,” he says immediately. And he doesn’t say it aloud, but he promises Jeongin, in his heart, ‘I’m okay. I’ll learn how to be okay without you. I promise.’
–
That’s why Seungmin resolves to befriend Beomgyu.
As uncomfortable and nauseous as the thought makes him, he knows it’s the right thing to do. Because if this weekend has taught him anything, it’s that: a.) Seungmin is still Jeongin’s best friend, and b.) Beomgyu is someone who is becoming increasingly important to Jeongin, and c.) Seungmin is no longer Jeongin’s priority and he’s going to have to learn how to be okay with that, and d.) Jeongin is sweet and loving and kind and he deserves nothing but the best, even if that isn’t with Seungmin.
So Seungmin acknowledges Beomgyu when he sees him in the elevator. He makes small talk, and smiles at Beomgyu when Beomgyu grins warmly at him. He laughs at his jokes and nods when Beomgyu tells him to have a good day. He strains every muscle in his body to force himself to be nice and civil when all he wants to do is scoff and ignore him and go home and sit next to Jeongin, snug with their thighs pressed together, and put on a movie and fall asleep with his head on Jeongin’s shoulder.
But he can’t. So Seungmin nods, and laughs, and eases every social interaction with a friendly smile as if Beomgyu is growing on him when he’s not. He’ll do anything for Jeongin, apparently.
And then Beomgyu invites Seungmin to his birthday party. It’s casual, just an RSVP link sent from a new contact, a friendly offer, but it stings all the same.
And to add insult to injury, Jeongin brings it up to Seungmin, begging and pleading and prodding until Seungmin has no choice but to agree.
He’ll be happy to go, really. Jeongin deserves the best, he reminds himself. He deserves a sweet and funny boyfriend like Beomgyu, and he deserves a best friend who can be nice about it.
So he works through the week like a soldier marching into battle, knowing the weekend will bring a social event that Seungmin would rather spend his whole life avoiding, if things were up to him.
But they’re not, so Saturday evening finds him in another nice sweater, this time wearing jeans, grimacing at the mirror in his room before stepping out to meet Jeongin in the living room, and head for Beomgyu’s birthday party together.
It’s a casual get-together, according to the e-vite. Most of the people in their company who Seungmin is friends with are attending, which is nice, if not a little annoying, since it reminds him how popular and well-liked Beomgyu is. Whatever. He can handle it. Just like he can handle Jeongin right now, chattering away about Beomgyu while he drives. Seungmin wishes he could melt into the passenger seat and disappear forever.
They get to the party and Jeongin’s hand finds the small of Seungmin’s back. It’s helpful at first, grounding and guiding him to the couch to discard his coat, until Seungmin remembers that Jeongin only knows his way around because he spends so much of his damn time with Beomgyu, and he must know this apartment like the back of his hand by now.
He stays at Jeongin's side and socializes. They greet their friends and say hi to coworkers, and then acquaint themselves with strangers together, meeting Beomgyu’s college and high school and outside-of-work friends. Of course Beomgyu has friends from everywhere, friends from partying and from dance and from volunteering and from a vacation three years ago and friends of friends of friends who all attend his birthday party in his cozy, welcoming apartment. Stupid, perfect, lovable fucking Beomgyu who everyone seems to adore.
When Beomgyu finally sees them for the first time tonight, he gasps and cuts through the crowd to hug Jeongin, and Seungmin’s stomach turns. He puts his best smile on his face, waiting for their attention to turn to him.
“Happy birthday, Beomgyu,” Seungmin says with a smile, just as he rehearsed in his head.
“Thank you so much for coming,” Beomgyu says warmly to Seungmin.
Seungmin nods and hopefully says something nice. He’s not sure. He can’t focus. He can barely hear himself since Beomgyu has so many friends and they’re all packed in this overwhelming apartment. Jeongin hands Beomgyu the birthday present he’d gotten him and generously written both Seungmin’s and his names on, and Beomgyu hugs him again. Seungmin inches away from them, wishing he wasn’t part of this conversation.
Beomgyu says something to Jeongin then, making him laugh, making those deep dimples appear in his cheeks, and Jeongin leans toward him as he chuckles, looking away shyly, shaking his head, responding to Beomgyu with so much ease it makes Seungmin’s stomach turn. Yes, he decided to befriend Beomgyu, and he’s being good, and he came to the party tonight, and he’s been nice and normal and he’s socialized thus far, perfectly pleasant with Jeongin at his side. But this is just rubbing salt in the wound. Watching Beomgyu and Jeongin lean in close to giggle and talk quietly hurts Seungmin more than he can handle right now. He excuses himself, and heads for the kitchen.
He sees Mujin and talks to him for a bit. They both sip at beers and grimace at the taste, but it’s nice to see a familiar face, and of course, to take his mind off his problems. It’s easier to talk to Mujin than usual since they’re not at work, so they chat until Mujin gets pulled away into another conversation and a drinking game, and Seungmin is left alone in the kitchen, idling and bored, but too terrified of seeing Jeongin with Beomgyu to leave.
He makes small talk with a handful of friends and coworkers who pass by before he finds himself alone again, nursing a Diet Coke, ignored, nearly invisible as conversations bustle on around him and in all the other rooms of the apartment.
Until he meets someone new.
“Got a lighter?”
Seungmin blinks in surprise.
“No, sorry,” he says.
“Eh, it’s okay,” the new guy says. “I don’t smoke.”
Seungmin frowns.
“Then why’d you ask?” he can’t help but wonder.
“I just like stepping out when parties get too crowded, you know?” the new guy says with a shrug. Then he looks Seungmin up and down. “And you look like you could use a breath of fresh air, too.”
Which is how Seungmin finds himself on the balcony, all the chatter around them blessedly quietened by the door between them and the apartment. He’s facing the stranger, watching as he sips his drink. It must be some strong type of liquor, because it makes the guy grimace as he swallows it down.
“Ugh,” the guy groans. “I love him, but Beomgyu brews a truly disgusting pot of tea.”
It’s just a joke, and Seungmin doesn’t even really know this guy, but it’s the first negative thing he’s ever, ever heard about Beomgyu, from anyone, and he can’t help but lean forward in interest.
“Really?” Seungmin asks.
“Yeah, try it,” the guy invites him, and Seungmin takes the cup and sips. He gets a bitter mouthful of iced tea.
Torn between surprise that the stranger isn’t sipping alcohol, and disgust at the tea, Seungmin splutters out a cough, then an apology.
“Ugh,” he groans, and the stranger laughs as he takes the cup back from Seungmin.
“That’s what I said.”
“It’s not good.”
“I know.”
They laugh.
Seungmin learns his name is Yeonjun. He’s a year older than Seungmin, and they’re amused by each other, smiling and leaning against the railing of the balcony to chat. They’re both intrigued to learn more about the other, and Seungmin quickly gets permission to call Yeonjun hyung. Yeonjun is studying medicine and doesn’t work with Beomgyu at all, but he’s an old friend, which is why he’s here.
“I’ve known him since, like, primary school,” Yeonjun explains.
“You must know all his embarrassing stories,” Seungmin says, which makes Yeonjun smile warmly, and they chat for a long while about that. Yeonjun talks about Beomgyu for so long and in so much detail that Seungmin almost forgets he hates him. But Yeonjun talks about him with so much love, it’s hard.
When Seungmin remembers himself, he takes a breath, and fixes what he hopes is a serious expression onto his face.
“What do you really think about Beomgyu?” he asks.
Yeonjun raises an eyebrow at him.
“What do I really think about Beomgyu?” he echoes. Seungmin raises both eyebrows back at him, prompting him. Hoping to push him to share the truth. Yeonjun takes a breath. “I love him. He’s a good kid. A little crazy, but he’s one of the most reliable friends I’ve got. And he’s funny, in this sweet, genuine, almost kidlike way. Makes you wanna take care of him. I love being his friend. I love knowing him.”
In spite of the fond smile on Yeonjun’s face, and the faraway look in his eyes that speaks volumes, Seungmin can’t help but frown at the ground in front of him, between them. The more he learns about Beomgyu… honestly, the more he learns about Beomgyu, the more he sounds like Seungmin. His little idiosyncrasies, his humor. What does he have to offer that Seungmin doesn’t? Why does Jeongin like him so much, and he doesn’t like Seungmin like that at all?
Yeonjun seems to notice Seungmin falling silent, contemplating everything, and he leans forward a little. “You okay?” he asks gently.
Seungmin nods quickly, and shivers his shoulders like maybe he can shake all his feelings out. “Yeah. All good.”
“Cold?” Yeonjun asks, seeing him shiver. “Wanna head back inside?” He reaches out, putting a hand on Seungmin’s shoulder like he’s going to guide him back into the apartment, and Seungmin opens his mouth to say he’s fine when he’s interrupted by the sound of the balcony door sliding open with a loud slam.
“Seungmin-hyung.”
“Jeongin,” Seungmin gasps in surprise.
“Oh, hey, Jeonginnie,” Yeonjun says, smiling brightly.
“Hi, Yeonjun-hyung. Seungminnie-hyung and I are heading home.” Jeongin looks weird. Stiff, and not like his usual smiley self, and Seungmin doesn’t think they’ve been here long enough for him to have gotten drunk. Still, he puts his hand on Jeongin’s shoulder, assessing him.
“Are you okay? Did you drink?”
“No, I didn’t, I’m driving us home, remember?” Jeongin asks, a bit sharply.
“Yeah, I remember,” Seungmin replies, frowning as he scrutinizes Jeongin, trying to suss out what’s bothering him.
“Well, it was nice to meet you, Seungmin,” Yeonjun says. He gives Seungmin a casual, one-armed side hug, which Seungmin does his best to reciprocate. Yeonjun is nice, and he had a nice time talking to him. But it’s hard to hug him back because Jeongin is suddenly taking Seungmin’s hand from his shoulder and grasping it tightly as he turns and leads him into the apartment, away from Yeonjun.
“Bye!” Seungmin calls to him in a hurry, and he swears Jeongin squeezes his hand tighter, guiding him through the crowded party, not letting go until they’re at the door, putting on their shoes to leave.
“I didn’t say bye to Beomgyu,” Seungmin says, confused and concerned.
“It’s fine,” is all Jeongin says, quiet. Seungmin waits until they’re out the door, the loud chatter and music from the party faint now that they’ve left, before he tries to speak to Jeongin again.
“What happened?” he asks him gently.
“Um, sorry,” Jeongin says, seeming a little regretful now that they’re alone. “I didn’t mean to rush you out. I just really wanna go home now.”
“It’s fine,” Seungmin reassures. “Are you okay?” Jeongin never gets like that. He seemed almost angry. Seungmin can count on one hand the number of times he’s seen him actually angry in the many years they’ve known each other. He doesn’t even know what Jeongin could have been mad about.
“Yeah, sorry,” Jeongin mumbles, looking embarrassed. “Let’s go home.”
Seungmin follows him out to the car, silent, confused, trying to remember if he saw anything happen at the party, but he really didn’t see Jeongin at all. He’d spent most of the party avoiding him and Beomgyu, honestly.
The drive back home is quiet at first, Jeongin drumming his fingers against the wheel as he waits at the lights, Seungmin too concerned to attempt to play music.
“Did something happen?” he tries again after a stretch of silence. Jeongin's expression is blank when he shakes his head, eyes trained on the road, and Seungmin can’t see him too well in the dark, but the tangerine glow of the streetlights passing by makes him look softer now than before. He looks less angry, more melancholy.
“No, I just got tired.”
“Oh. Are you sleeping enough these days?”
Jeongin glances over at Seungmin’s concern. “Yeah. No, I’m fine.”
Seungmin hums. “‘Kay. Bedtime for the baby, then.”
He says it cutely, hoping to coax a laugh or at least an offended scoff out of Jeongin, but instead all he gets is silence as Jeongin chews on his lip.
“So, what’d you think of Yeonjun-hyung?” Jeongin asks then.
It’s so sudden and random that Seungmin almost laughs. He’d almost forgotten Jeongin had seen them together at all.
“You know, I didn’t want to, but I like him,” he says, smiling a little at the absurdity of the question.
“What?” Jeongin asks. He’s looking over at Seungmin now—or at least, trying, since he’s driving. He turns his head back and forth several times to look at Seungmin and then the road, looking distressed. He must be making himself dizzy.
“What?” Seungmin answers, shrugging. “He’s charming. He grew on me.”
“You talked to him for like two seconds, you barely even know him, and you like him?” Jeongin demands.
“Would you relax? I didn’t say I wanted to have his babies.”
“What the fuck?” Jeongin snaps. “Why would you even say that?”
“Why are you freaking out?” Seungmin asks, irritated. “You’re the one who brought me tonight to play nice with Beomgyu.”
“I brought you because I want you to be friends with Beomgyu, not because I want you to slobber all over his hot friends.”
“I wasn’t slobbering,” Seungmin scoffs. “I was just talking to him while you… Wait.”
“What.”
“You’re jealous,” Seungmin says, the realization hitting him like a bucket of cold water splashed in his face.
“I—I’m not jealous,” Jeongin says, sounding defensive. Embarrassed. It makes sense now.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you like Yeonjun-hyung,” Seungmin says quietly.
His annoyance rushes out of him like air out of a balloon. How could he be annoyed? He understands jealousy plenty, he knows exactly how Jeongin must feel.
All this time, Seungmin thought Jeongin and Beomgyu were an item, when he actually liked Beomgyu’s hyung. He must have dragged Seungmin out of that apartment to keep him away from his crush. Yeonjun seems really nice. Who could blame Jeongin for liking him?
“You think I like Yeonjun-hyung?” Jeongin asks.
“Why else would you be so angry at the thought of me flirting with him?” Seungmin asks simply.
“So you were flirting with him?” Jeongin asks.
“No, of course not,” Seungmin reassures him.
“Good,” Jeongin says firmly.
Seungmin watches him for a moment, while Jeongin is occupied driving, frowning at the road. For best friends, it’s strange how many big secrets they keep from each other, he realizes.
“I thought you liked Beomgyu,” Seungmin finally admits.
“Ew,” Jeongin says, and Seungmin can’t help but smile a little, endeared. “Beomgyu’s my friend. I don’t like him like that.”
“Oh,” Seungmin mumbles, feeling hollow. “I would have been nicer to him if I knew that. I feel really bad now.”
“What do you mean?”
Seungmin shrugs. “I’ve been resenting him all this time thinking he was gonna take you from me.” His voice sounds flat, but his eyes burn and he’s doing his best not to let himself tear up.
“I told you already, you’re my best friend,” Jeongin says. “Nothing’s ever gonna change that.”
“Yeah,” Seungmin says, smiling sadly. He looks out onto the road ahead of them, even though it’s too dark to see much. “I guess I was hoping maybe I could change that one day,” he mumbles.
They’re almost home by now. Part of Seungmin wants to go for it, to pour his heart out, to be an adult and face the uncomfortable conversation and then leave all the awkwardness behind in the car, go home, go to bed, cry it out, and maybe finally move on. But then Jeongin is pulling onto a side road that’s not on the route home. It’s darker here, fewer street lights illuminating the road, and quiet. There are no cars around. Seungmin wonders where they’re going, why Jeongin made a wrong turn, why he’s slowing the car down now.
“You were jealous of Beomgyu because you thought I liked him?” Jeongin asks slowly.
“Yes,” Seungmin admits.
“Because…?” Jeongin asks quietly. Seungmin’s heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest. He wonders if they’re about to have a fight about this, or if Jeongin is just prompting the truth out of him because he wants to let Seungmin down gently.
“Because I like you,” Seungmin whispers. He wants to get this over with more than anything in the world. He’ll feel almost relieved when Jeongin rejects him. For now, it feels like his heart has stopped completely, waiting for Jeongin to say something.
But he says nothing. Instead, he pulls over to the side of the road, stops the car, and kisses Seungmin.
Seungmin stays frozen in the passenger seat. He doesn’t remember to close his eyes, so he crosses them, dazed, baffled as Jeongin presses his lips to Seungmin’s, big hands cupping Seungmin’s face firmly. He can smell Jeongin’s lip balm, sweet and familiar.
The kiss is chaste, and Jeongin pulls back after a moment when Seungmin doesn’t move a muscle.
His mind feels blank. He’s so confused, it washes every other emotion out for now.
“I thought you liked Yeonjun-hyung,” Seungmin says hoarsely.
Jeongin huffs, frustrated. “I like you, stupid.” His hands are still on the sides of Seungmin’s face, and he holds him a little tighter as he speaks to emphasize his point. Seungmin wraps his fingers around Jeongin’s wrists, not moving him, just feeling the closeness. Mostly trying to process it. Also basking in it.
“Oh,” Seungmin says. Until a few minutes ago, Seungmin had been fully convinced Jeongin liked Beomgyu, and then he thought it was Yeonjun, he didn’t realize he was an option. And now Jeongin’s leaning over the center console, eyes darting over Seungmin’s expression, searching his face anxiously. He’s not backing away or kissing him again. He waits, and Seungmin processes. “Are you sure?” Seungmin finally asks in a whisper.
“Why would I lie?” Jeongin retorts. In any other situation, Seungmin would laugh, but he just waits for a real answer. “Yeah, I am,” Jeongin says more sincerely after a moment. “I have for a while. I don’t know how to explain it. You’re my best friend, and my roommate, so obviously I love you. But I can never get enough of you. I always wish I got more of you. I don’t know why, but I like you.”
This time, it’s Seungmin who leans in, and he finally lets himself kiss Jeongin back, so eager their noses bump together as he crowds himself into Jeongin’s space and slides his lips against his best friend’s. Jeongin’s thumb rubs Seungmin’s cheek as he slots their lips together, and then his hand is in Seungmin’s hair, the other hand dragging him closer by tugging on his sweater, making Seungmin whimper quietly into the kiss.
“Hyung,” Jeongin moans into Seungmin’s lips.
“Don’t stop,” Seungmin whispers, and they kiss again, Jeongin licking into Seungmin’s mouth, against his lips, his tongue. It’s surreal. Seungmin doesn’t know what he’d expected, but he didn’t know Jeongin would be such a good kisser. His attraction to Jeongin always felt so distant and unattainable and ill-advised, he’d never thought too much about how it would feel to kiss Jeongin. All he knew was that he wanted it.
And now he has it, and Jeongin can’t seem to get enough of Seungmin. He’s moaning, low and hungry, into their kisses, and won’t stop running his hands through Seungmin’s now-messy hair or grabbing at his sweater, and soon he’s nipping at Seungmin’s lip before he pulls away for just long enough to look at Seungmin and murmur, “Come here.”
Ordinarily, Seungmin would not be the type of person to break any sort of road safety laws, but kissing Jeongin is better than anything he’s ever experienced and he touches Seungmin so eagerly, and Seungmin wants nothing more than his hands on him, their bodies pressed together. So he climbs over the center console, and Jeongin slides the driver’s seat back a little so there’s room for Seungmin to sit in his lap, straddling Jeongin's thighs.
Jeongin's hands rest on Seungmin’s waist, and he looks up at him with so much intensity in his eyes it knocks the air out of Seungmin’s lungs.
“I wish it was brighter in here,” Jeongin says a little sorrowfully. “I wish I could see your face better.”
Seungmin is already feeling shy and scrutinized with Jeongin’s attention and eyes on him, he doesn’t know how he would handle his full gaze on him if they were somewhere well-lit rather than Jeongin’s car on a random side street at midnight.
“You’re the one who pulled over on a random side street at midnight,” Seungmin points out. Jeongin laughs.
“You’re right. I should have pulled over on the side of the highway and felt you up under all the big bright lights.”
Seungmin feels his cheeks warm at Jeongin’s bluntness, so he hides his face, laughing into his palms until Jeongin pulls his hands away. He tugs Seungmin down towards him to kiss him.
“You’re so cute, hyung,” he whispers, and kisses him until he can’t anymore because they’re both smiling. Seungmin tries to stop, but Jeongin smiling makes him smile, and then he thinks his own smiling makes Jeongin smile more, and then they’re both laughing because they can’t help themselves.
“I thought I was ugly-hyung,” Seungmin says, and he’s just joking, but Jeongin earnestly shakes his head.
“No. Like, yes, but no,” he says.
“Wow.” Seungmin tries to move like he’s going to get off of Jeongin's lap, but Jeongin just squeezes his waist, fingers digging into Seungmin’s sides, keeping him in place.
“No, like, you’re still my best friend, and I love bullying you and I’d blow you up in League a hundred times for a bag of chips,” Jeongin explains, and goes on even though Seungmin tries to whine and protest. “But now I like you too, and I wanna kiss your pout every time you lose. Which is a lot, since you’re so bad—”
“Hey—”
“And also, we log off and I wanna keep hanging out with you. I could spend days at home alone with you, beating you at videogames, ordering takeout for you, bedrotting with you, and I wouldn’t get sick of you. The biggest problem I’d have with that is spending all that time with you and having to pretend I don’t wanna kiss you.”
Seungmin can’t help his pout then, or the way his head tilts to the side as he gazes at Jeongin, and he knows he’s playing this very uncool. He knows he looks lovesick and endeared and fond, bordering on obsessed. He can’t help it. He’s always felt like he could act like himself around Jeongin; he’s always been the most himself when he’s with Jeongin.
“You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to kiss you, too,” Seungmin admits.
Jeongin leans in immediately, soft, plush lips fitting perfectly against Seungmin’s, and Seungmin hears music, like either his head or his heart is losing it, like kissing Jeongin makes love songs just play in his ears.
“It was hard lying to you,” Jeongin says, almost off-handedly, as he pulls back to cup Seungmin’s cheek. “Sometimes, that’s the reason why I’d hang out with Beomgyu. We’d hang out and all I could talk about was you.”
“Don’t talk about Beomgyu while I’m in your lap,” Seungmin says, displeased, a wave of jealousy returning even though Jeongin is beaming at him, cooing and kissing away any thoughts Seungmin can try to coherently have.
“That’s actually why we got so close,” Jeongin explains. “We got together just to vent about our crushes. I wasn’t replacing you, stupid.”
“I’m stupid?” Seungmin rolls his eyes. “You were the one avoiding your crush so you could go talk to someone about your crush.”
“Shut up,” Jeongin groans, dropping his head to Seungmin’s chest. It fills Seungmin with nothing short of glee to put his fingers under Jeongin’s chin and lift his cute, blushing face and kiss him, to make him sigh and moan and lean in closer when Seungmin leans away just a tad, just to tease him. Teasing is one of the things they do best.
But the sounds Jeongin makes are so pretty, quiet and muffled into Seungmin’s lips, then his jaw, his neck as Jeongin presses kisses all over Seungmin, wherever he can reach. And soon they’re both sounding equally pleased and needy, Seungmin pushing the cardigan off of Jeongin's shoulders to feel up his arms, Jeongin wrapping those arms around Seungmin and pulling him tightly into his lap so he can feel every thrust and twitch of Jeongin's hips into Seungmin.
Like this, pressed as close as they can be, chest to chest and nose to nose, Seungmin can feel so much of Jeongin. He can feel his staggered breaths in the crook of his neck against his kiss-marked skin, and he can feel his arousal, hard and poking Seungmin where his thighs rest on Jeongin’s lap.
“You’re hard,” he whispers.
“So are you,” Jeongin fires back immediately.
Seungmin almost laughs. He hadn’t meant it to sound accusatory or like he was making fun of Jeongin. He’s turned on too, fucking obviously, he practically has a vampire underneath him, trying to suck all his blood in his neck. But Jeongin quickly takes it as an insult or a challenge, and then his hand is sneaking between them, cupping Seungmin over his jeans, making him let out a stuttered moan.
All Seungmin can do is stay upright, trying to grind down in Jeongin’s lap when he remembers to, wanting to make him feel good too, but his brain is quickly turning into mush and Jeongin isn’t making things any better, fumbling at Seungmin’s button for a moment before he undoes his jeans and reaches into his underwear to touch him bare, skin on skin, better than anything Seungmin’s ever felt.
“Fuck,” he whines. He can’t see much in the dark, or with Jeongin's face approximately 2 millimeters from his own, but he can tell Jeongin is smirking at the sound of Seungmin’s moan by the way his lips stretch into a smile while they kiss.
“You like that?” he asks, the little shit, and Seungmin holds his breath in a desperate attempt not to make any more pleased sounds and give himself away. Jeongin just laughs at him—he fucking laughs at him, fuck, Seungmin is so hard—and starts to stroke him gently, fingers wrapped firmly around Seungmin’s cock, making him buck his hips into his grip. “Hey,” Jeongin says when he notices Seungmin’s silence, his nose pressing into Seungmin’s throat, then his lips, then his tongue teasing against the skin between long, wet kisses. “Don’t do that. I wanna hear you.”
“Fuck you,” Seungmin snaps at him, although he’s clinging to Jeongin desperately now, and doesn’t know how convincing his anger sounds.
“If you want,” Jeongin hums, indulgent, still amused as he pulls back. His gaze is intense on Seungmin, his eyes heavy-lidded.
“Fuck me,” Seungmin groans as Jeongin squeezes, his fingers long and moving slow, rubbing softly over the head of Seungmin’s cock before they drag back down his throbbing shaft to the base, and the movement restarts from its tortuous beginning all the way to its euphoric finish.
“Okay,” Jeongin answers, still smiling so deeply Seungmin can see his dimples even in the dark. He smiles the whole time, as his hand speeds up, as his fist teases and tightens, as his lips kiss Seungmin’s jaw and murmur soft compliments as Seungmin tenses up and feels himself slam into his peak, blinding and so overwhelming he can’t even be embarrassed about cumming in Jeongin's car before either of them have even taken their pants off.
“Oh, fuck,” Seungmin whimpers as soon as he can breathe, as soon as his body untenses enough for him to open his mouth and spout out humiliating nonsense. He’s finishing into Jeongin’s hand and Jeongin won’t shut the fuck up, mumbling sweetly in Seungmin’s ear, calling him pretty, calling him eager and perfect, making Seungmin feel hot and desperate to please even though he’s already finished.
He feels turned on yet sated. He’s content, yet also dying for more. He’s almost pissed at Jeongin for how good it all feels. He has half a mind to drag him by the shirt collar home to one of their bedrooms immediately when he looks at him, sees him smiling still, mischievous now, and Seungmin can only watch in shock as Jeongin pulls his hand out of the confines of Seungmin’s jeans, and licks his fingers clean of Seungmin’s cum.
He swallows like it’s delicious, like it’s sweet and it doesn’t make fire burn in Seungmin’s cheeks, and Seungmin doesn’t have time to second guess himself before he’s slamming into Jeongin, kissing him hard, tasting himself on Jeongin's tongue. Fuck, that’s him on Jeongin's tongue, his taste on his lips. His mouth is pink and plush from kissing Seungmin, no one else. His cute permed hair is all messy right now because of Seungmin, because of his hands in the soft waves and because he can’t stop dropping his head back against the headrest in pleasure whenever Seungmin grinds down, eager to see pleasure bloom like a peony in Jeongin's pretty expression. Seungmin’s never felt this needy directly after an orgasm, but it’s like some horny demon possesses him for a moment, uncaring of Seungmin’s competitive spirit and his pride and his typical vibe with Jeongin of ‘yeah sure, I care about you, but I don’t want you to know that.’
“Backseat, now,” Seungmin says, instead of preserving any bit of his dignity, and he climbs over Jeongin, over the console again into the backseat, only a little bit gracelessly, and he stares at Jeongin with unblinking eyes as Jeongin dumbly gapes at him with an adoring smile on his face.
“I’ll probably break my leg and one of yours if I try to climb over this thing, so.” Jeongin giggles as he opens the car door and hurriedly runs from the driver’s seat to the backseat to join Seungmin, and then he’s back in Seungmin’s arms where he belongs, being pressed against the closed door, leaning against it as Seungmin pounces on him, kissing him, laying on him between Jeongin's thighs. He wishes they were in one of their beds, the way he’s spent plenty of nights laying in bed with Jeongin watching shows wishing they were pressed more closely together, wishing he was allowed to kiss his best friend. He drives the thought away from his mind, though. There’s no need to wish anymore. He’ll have plenty of opportunities to kiss Jeongin in one of their beds from now on. He’ll kiss Jeongin all night, every night if he wants.
“Slow down, hyung,” Jeongin laughs, no trace of a complaint in his voice or on his face. He just sounds endeared. He doesn’t get how serious this is to Seungmin.
“Let me make you feel good,” he says, ignoring Jeongin.
“Okay,” Jeongin says, content to watch with his hands on Seungmin. They trail from his hips to his waist to his shoulders as Seungmin backs away from him, slowly positioning himself on the floor of the car, kneeling in between Jeongin's legs.
Seungmin unzips Jeongin's jeans as quickly as he can, trying not to feel shy with Jeongin’s eyes on him, and pulls down the waistband of his underwear. Jeongin’s cock looks achingly, deliciously hard, and it’s all Seungmin can do to not immediately try to take it all down his throat.
But he’d probably gag and look dumb trying, and he’s trying to make Jeongin cum, not laugh. So he glances up at Jeongin, looking for his nod and his smile again before he grasps onto Jeongin's cock, feeling the heaviness of his length, the way his cock pulses in Seungmin’s hand and pumps out precum after only a few strokes of his shaft.
“Fuck, hyung, that feels so good,” Jeongin sighs, and Seungmin gives into the desire to tease him, the competitive, mischievous edge that always exists between them. He doesn’t say anything, he just slides his hand down to the base of Jeongin's cock, just holds him in place as he wraps his lips around the tip.
Jeongin gasps and bites his lip. He looks surprised. Stupid. A small part of Seungmin wants to gloat, feeling smug, but a much, much larger part of him wants to see Jeongin cry out and moan and whimper. He wants more of those sweet compliments, pouring freely from Jeongin's loosened lips. He wants to be the reason Jeongin cums. He has to stay focused. He wants to slide his mouth down Jeongin's shaft, to lick his cock and suck at his tip and watch him as he blows him, watch as Jeongin grows more desperate and eager.
So he does. Seungmin bobs his head up and down, acclimating himself, every moan that Jeongin can’t help but let out filling him with pride and satisfaction as if Seungmin were the one getting his dick sucked.
“Just like that, baby, fuck, that feels so good, that feels really really good, hyung, oh my God,” Jeongin is rambling as Seungmin blows him, sucking at his cock a little harder every time he slides off his cock just to take him back inside his warm wet mouth. He’ll take it as a good sign that Jeongin is cursing and taking the Lord’s name in vain when he’s usually too respectful to do so. Seungmin groans as he teases Jeongin's cock, threatening to push it down his throat, sliding it all the way to the back of his tongue as much as he can handle before he has to come back up for air, and the way Jeongin keens, high and desperate, makes Seungmin’s head spin with pleasure.
He misses Jeongin, though, misses his kisses and his sweet smile and his rambling gibberish and he’s too far gone, too close to cumming to talk anymore, so Seungmin wants to look at him. He just wants to glance at him and then he’ll go back to business, back to sucking his cock and trying his damnedest and dirtiest to make him cum. He pulls off Jeongin’s cock, sliding it out his mouth, and then suckles the tip softly, tonguing the slit as he opts just to jerk off his shaft, sliding his fist up and down the length of it as he looks up and makes eye contact with Jeongin.
Jeongin cums in Seungmin’s mouth.
It’s almost immediate, and it’s wet and heavy and it pours onto Seungmin’s tongue, so he sticks it out as he jerks him off quickly, and Jeongin looks so fucking pretty like this, eyebrows drawn together, pink lips parted as he pants and curses and arches up and cums for Seungmin.
He’s almost silent for a moment until air rushes back into his lungs and he whines Seungmin’s name, calling him perfect, praising him, begging him incoherently, intertwining their fingers together as he comes down from his high. Once he sits back and he slowly stops trembling, he leans down, cupping Seungmin’s face with both hands again, pressing his forehead to the crown of Seungmin’s head.
It’s so intimate, Seungmin almost forgets to swallow. But he manages to swallow down the thick taste, loosening his grip on him. As soon as he’s swallowed and he’s panting out of his mouth, Jeongin is kissing him, licking into Seungmin’s mouth, filthy and moaning sweetly, pulling Seungmin back onto the seat to lay in his lap again.
They kiss for a long while, exchanging the taste of each other on their tongues, Jeongin's hand sliding up and down Seungmin’s sweaty back underneath his shirt before it rests on his waist and he just holds him.
Jeongin seems content to kiss for the rest of the night, maybe until traffic cops drive by and tell them to get a move on, or until his car runs out of battery, or until the sun comes up. The thought almost tempts Seungmin too, and it’s fun to pull back just by a little bit as they kiss just to tease, to feel Jeongin surge forward to seal their lips together again, chasing Seungmin’s kisses every time. But Seungmin has weeks of jealousy and months of pining to spill, to confess, and now that they’ve both seen each other come undone, he wants to confront the truth he’d worked so hard to hide and avoid.
“I was so sick with jealousy when I thought that you liked Beomgyu,” he admits, when he can manage to be apart from Jeongin long enough to speak. Jeongin looks surprised, his eyebrows raising a little, his pink mouth open a little, and Seungmin has to look away from it to not lose his train of thought. “I was so heartbroken. It hurt just thinking about you wanting him, let alone when I’d see him, or see you two together. Thinking I was gonna lose you as a best friend and as maybe something more. And then I thought you liked Yeonjun-hyung, and you seemed so upset when you pulled me away from him tonight, and I loved you so much I probably would have helped you get him if you asked me to.”
They’re so close, Seungmin can feel Jeongin’s stuttered inhale, a burst of air whispered against him, and he can see the heartache in his eyes as he kisses him again.
“I never wanted anyone but you. I love you,” Jeongin murmurs into Seungmin’s lips, and Seungmin finally puts his jealousy to rest.