Chapter Text
You’re standing in front of the mirror, your reflection staring back at you. The only thing filling the room is your own breathing, and you strain your ears to listen for Blue on the other side of the door– or anywhere close for that matter. You don’t hear anything. He should be working on a video right now, which gives you enough time to think. To… plan. You and Blue have to have a talk.
“I just want privacy…” You mutter to yourself. You look into your reflection and pause as if waiting for a reply. It never comes, and so you continue, “I don’t- I don't hate being here. I just want…” You trail off.
“Maybe if I can just get through to him. He cares- at least he acts like he does- he’ll… he’ll understand.” Your eyebrows are knit up in your reflection, the only thing you still own in this house. Blue would disagree, he’d say this house is yours as much as it is his, but you both know the truth. At least you think you both know? Blue can be… a little more than delusional. Then again, you were looking at yourself like you were delusional too.
“I can’t put it off forever”
Your reflection stares back at you incredulously.
“I’m being serious here!”
You gasp at your loudness, covering your mouth. Your head snaps to the door. You strain your ears to listen for any movement, and when you don’t hear a sound, you let the tension and your hand drop. You look back into the mirror, looking back at a shaken mess. You can’t keep living like this. You don’t know how many days it's been since he took you here, but it's been more than enough. You’re growing paranoid, growing weary. Lonely.
“...”
You look tired. Very tired. And messy, too. Your hair is a mess, and your skin is shiny with oil and sweat from your stress. You need to shower. You don’t remember the last time you had a good shower, but… Blue could walk in. Didn’t matter if you locked the door, he could just unlock it with his keys. You just need him to understand boundaries, understand that he couldn’t treat you like a pet. You didn’t like that though, and it showed on your face.
“Maybe if I can get through to him everything will feel bet–”
SLAM.
You yelp mid-sentence, swinging around to look at Blue. He stood in the doorway, looking panicked and desperate. All of a sudden you want to vomit– you hadn’t heard him even open his door- what if he’d heard you? Was he angry? Oh god he had to of heard you, you weren’t quiet enough, fuck-
“Who were you talking to?” His voice wavers in what you hope to be concern instead of paranoia.
You look at him bewildered. That's what he's worried about? You don't respond automatically, and judging by his expression, that seems to push him towards reaching the end of his rope. You can’t make the words you want to say come out of your mouth, gaping like a fish, and so instead of attempting to speak you point at the mirror.
Blue pointedly stares at the mirror. The room is still for a moment, silent other than your mingled breaths. His face flushes red and he looks back towards you with a guilty sort of smile.
“Ah– sorry. I thought…” He trails off, glancing behind him, and then back at you “...I’ll uhm- I’ll give you some privacy.”
He turns to close the door, glancing back at you over his shoulder. The door closes with a soft click, and you hear blue walk down the hallway and back into his room. You hear the sound of his door closing, and you release a huff of air you hadn’t realized you’d been holding in. That was… scary. And it was awkward. You still felt gross.
You looked back into the mirror, deciding that you’d shower with the privacy Blue had decided to afford you. Slowly, as to not make much noise, you walk towards the shower and turn on the water to warm up. You strip the night shirt Blue had given you and the boxers you’d been wearing off, feeling exposed in the small room. Walking to the tub-shower situation, you slip a hand into the stream of water. It's warm- not as warm as you’d like it- but warm enough. You step into the tub and close the curtain around you.
The talk. You’d have to have the talk, you decided while reaching for the shampoo. You run your hair under the water for a moment. How would you even approach him though? You squirt a dollop of the gel-like shampoo into your hand, before beginning to smooth it onto your hair. You turn from smoothing to scrubbing, fingernails feeling like heaven on your scalp. Maybe try and talk over dinner? No, that could cause a spoiled appetite, and you'd already lost weight from not eating. Maybe wait for a moment where he seems completely calm? You rinse your hair under the warm water, using your hands to scrub and force the soap out.
You pick up a rag, and your body wash. He could be deceiving at times, though. Blue was a very good liar when he wanted to be. You could never be certain that what he was feeling was what he showed externally. You use the now soapy rag to wash the grime from your body, cleaning off oil and dead skin. What other option did you have though? It wasn’t like you could just ask to talk whenever- that was just too risky. Everything you did felt like a calculated risk. You didn’t want that– you just want to be happy and feel safe in what's supposed to be your own home. You wring out the washcloth and begin to rinse off your body.
Shutting off the water and grabbing a towel, you dry yourself off. You didn’t feel any better emotionally, didn’t have a plan, but at least you were clean? Yeah. At least you were clean.