Chapter Text
The commute from Sausalito to the Ferry Building takes about half an hour considering the currents and strong winds in the San Francisco Bay.
Maekar sits quietly in his chair as the ferry rocks side to side in a gentle dance with the waves. He has his book in hand but reading in this condition will just give him a headache. He opts to watch the horizon and the fog that quietly rolls in when afternoon comes.
The hornblower sounds off and he watches as the masses converge to disembark. He goes last and greets the barkers as they greet him first. They know the regulars and they know the locals.
Almost twenty years in finance in San Francisco compels him to make this commute daily.
They look for Baelor and he tells them that his brother who takes this commute with him has moved to the city and doesn't need to cross the bay.
Maekar boards the train up to the hills, to the park where he usually meets Baelor.
It's a beautiful, lush park that is teeming with wildlife and there are hikers and bikers mulling about.
They sit in their usual bench, isolated through an extended piece of rock that hangs sturdy over the residences below and they assess each other with a fondness that's reserved only for those sharing a soul.
“Did you know that the Baratheon mergers were a headache to begin with. Their assets are all over and the investments not properly documented. I had to hire a financial forensic investigator to sort it out. They're shouldering that bill for sure. It was damn expensive and now we're in the radar of Internal Revenue.”
Maekar made a face and looked to his brother for a reaction.
“I think you're doing a wonderful job. Hiring finance forensics is wise though there is no crime...yet.”
It made Maekar laugh and sigh afterwards.
“Well it's what you would have done.”
“That may be true but you and I know how these things go about.”
Maekar changed the topic.
“Aerion is admitted to Stanford and Daeron almost got kicked out of Berkeley. Who gets kicked out of Berkeley?”
“Apparently it's Daeron.”
They look at each other and both laugh softly at the academic predicament of Maekar's oldest son.
“How are yours?”
“Valarr is too busy to visit. Ithaca is too far away and there may be much activities in Cornell. Matarys is too small to visit alone.”
Maekar nods and thinks of his own little ones at home.
“Strange times isn't it? Strange days.”
Then a silence comes over them carrying the weight of the hours and the days they now spend without each other. It was much easier then when they were within arm's reach.
Maekar looks around and he notices the view.
“Golden Gate Park is a good community. A little too hip and young for me. How do you deal?”
“You ignore it.”
Maekar says nothing more but looks over at his brother and he wonders if he misses him, like Maekar misses Baelor. Not that he would ever say it. That would be too weak and emotional and honest.
“I've come to realize that I was wrong in many aspects and that when it came to our company, you did so much than I gave you credit for. I no longer am the 'anvil' at work. How can I be when there is no one to compare me with.”
“You endure, Maekar. That's what you need to do.”
“It's punishment, it's not an honor. I never wanted it! Never wanted to lead the company that father left us.”
“No one wants a company they did not build. No one. You'll get by. You don't have to like it, you just have to do right by the people who look to you to lead them.”
“That's YOU! That's you and your kind ass fucking heart!”
“That's no longer me.”
Maekar holds on to his senses and reached up to smooth his hand over his mouth and his silver beard. He shifted so he whipped his trench coat over his knee and pulled up his collar as the fog thickened and rolled in.
“I'm sorry for sleeping with Jenna.”
“Mm, don't apologize...you know, the worst feeling in the world is not anger, it's actually loneliness. It will happen again.”
Maekar looked to his side, to his brother with a disbelief etched on his brow and his mouth. Like, how could he say that about him and his own wife. And also, how could he know.
“I don't know about that she moved to Tiburon.”
“That's a Ferry away.”
“So is Alcatraz, Baelor. What is your point?”
“I have none.”
Maekar let out a frustrated groan and almost rolled his eyes to the sky. He wished that he knew the course of their conversations, it's just that every time he comes over there is always something. That he is never quite enough and there is always something wrong.
“Don't think you're not enough because you are.”
“Get out of my head, Baelor.”
“I am your brother and I love you. Of course I am in your head as You are in mine.”
Maekar felt the jab of pain in his heart and he thought that he was done crying and that he was done with this petulant sting just under his gut.
“You look angry...” says a woman's voice.
He feels winded when he turns his head and finds Jenna sitting where Baelor was supposed to be. Her presence brings him back down to earth and the hazy fog clears for now.
“Did you just get here?”
“I did. There's a flower festival at the Panhandle so I bought some for Baelor. His favorite. Iris.” Jenna showed Maekar the bundle wrapped in brown paper and string. “How is he today?”
Maekar exhaled and shrugged.
“I haven't quite made it to his grave yet. I always stop and sit here for a while.”
“You talk to him...” There was no judgment from her just an understanding that it's bound to happen and they all have to cope with his loss. “...I am sure he likes that.”
Maekar huffs and he defaults to irritation instead.
“We all want a lot of things in life and for people like us, sadly it's something that money or influence cannot buy. I'd like for him to be sitting here with us. Alive. Well. End of fucking story.”
“We all want that. His failing health had other plans.”
Maekar says nothing else and holds back his tears.
If he cries now, he will never stop.
They walk the steps down to the site – a structure of beautiful black marble guilded with gold. Gravestones of Targaryens and their kin that have passed. Dark green ferns grow out of the foundation, carefully maintained and curated by the landscape artist hired by the Family.
Jenna placed the flowers before Baelor, she picked one stalk and placed it in front of Dyanna's gravestone.
“Here love, because your husband is an idiot and refuses to buy flowers. He loves you though and your children are rambunctious but amazing humans.”
She stands upright and she feels Maekar steady her by her arm. Jenna nods to him and smiles.
“And Baelor, we miss you. Valarr wants me and Matarys to move to the East Coast. I am still thinking about it and I might as well do it since Valarr is alone there and he needs family. He's hurting still, you must forgive him for not visiting.”
Maekar is steadfast and stands still beside her. By sheer intuition alone he knew that she would move away because Valarr needed time and space. Sometimes people take forever to heal – Maekar understands that fully.
He could have the longest conversations with Baelor in his head but he can't give those words a voice. Not his. Not ever.
Jenna kissed her palm and placed it over Baelor's name and she smiled softly. “I'm heading out now.” She looked at Maekar and nudged his arm with hers.
“Are you going to be okay? I'll call you before we fly out to New York. Let's have dinner with all the kids.”
“That would be nice. I'll make sure Aerion and Daeron come too even if I have to wrangle the fuckers.”
Jenna laughs and shakes her head – she calls back out - “Dyanna, your husband is still the same. What a charmer!”
She placed a hand on his arm and smiled to him before leaving.
He is alone once more – with his grief and with his thoughts.
Maekar knelt down to fix the Iris stalk on Dyanna's grave and he smiled touching her name.
It's always difficult for Maekar to look at Baelor's gravestone but today, just as the light rains of San Francisco begin to fall, he tries. And when he reads his brother's name he feels that pain in his heart and he has to reach out and touch the letters of Baelor's name, trace the fonts over and over.
There is no goodbye.
Just the promise of another visit.