Work Text:
Do you know how many times I wanted to commit suicide?
Do you know how many times I wanted to pick up that knife?
Do you how many times I thought about grabbing a gun?
Do you know how many times I've wanted my life to be over and done?
Did you really think my life was so happy?
Did you really think my life was at least a little easy?
Did you really think I've never wanted to be dead?
Did you really never think I'd never cried in my bed?
Did you ever wonder what was hidden behind the smile?
Would you guess it was all the pain I've piled?
Did you ever wonder if it was true when you would hear
About all the terrible things I've personally lived through every year?
After all the years I've heard them shout and cry,
I sit around and constantly wonder why;
Why they scream at each other, and why they cuss,
And why they make such a big fuss.
Every time after I listen to one or both of them,
I just go run an hide.
A lot of times I calm down,
But now and then I think of suicide.
I wanna live my life
Without all this pain and strife.
I don't wanna continue to run and cry and hide.
I don't wanna keep thinking about committing suicide.
I want my parents to open their eyes and see
That they shouldn't keep fighting and should pay some mind to me.
They are old enough to know, though they probably haven't learned,
That they have lost most of my trust that they had earned.
Although, through this long and painful process,
I'm learning to ignore
Every single fight they have,
And just shut my bedroom door.
Once I'm gone to college,
Where with them I can be without,
Maybe the pain will go away,
And I can take a less painful life route.
But until I move out,
I'll just continue to run and hide.
And until I learn to ignore,
I'll keep hearing their words and keep thinking of suicide.
I still have a few years ahead of me
to keep living in this life.
I still have a few years ahead of me
to keep drowning in this sea of strife.
But soon I'll be gone,
And I won't have to run or hide.
Soon I won't even think
about committing suicide.