Chapter Text
1.
Jinwoo was at the mall. It was a weekend, so the mall was rather populated. However, even though the building was full of people from all ages, dynamics, and sizes—Jinwoo felt out of place.
These days, Jinwoo never went to places outside of his family apartment, the grocery store, the gas station, and random gates here and there that the Hunter’s Association called him to. After all, most of his paychecks went to paying rent, buying things to cook for dinner, and getting textbooks for his younger sister, Jinah.
And he barely made any money at all in the first place. When he first awakened as a hunter while working at a construction site, Jinwoo thought he had made it. The Association could pay for his mother’s hospital fees and care. He could fund his sister’s college career and studies. And maybe, just maybe, this was his chance of being able to properly live a comfortable life. If he could be just a C-rank—or at least a D-rank!
When his results came to an E, needless to say, he was very disappointed.
E-rankers barely made any money. Although it was better than his construction gig—especially since his hunters license provided healthcare to cover his mom’s medical bills—it still was a tiring job. He couldn’t say he liked it. Not only that, he was weak. And being weak made things harder. Tougher.
He got injured often. He got lost sometimes. His party definitely did not favor his presence. He wasn’t the best fighter, and if he was being honest, he was a bit of a coward. There were many times where he refused to answer the Association’s calls, hoping they would just go away.
How many times had he been hospitalized by now? He was sure that he could draw Jinah’s worried, disapproving face by memory at this point.
But at the end of the day, he would always get up to fight at a gate. And try his best. Even if it wasn’t successful, even if he got injured, even if his teammates insulted him and saw him as lesser than.
He’d do it.
For his family.
And that was the exact reason why Jinwoo was at the mall today, even though he surely did not fit the tax bracket for it.
During his last raid with the Hunter’s Association, he was able to get two essence stones. Two of them! It was definitely thanks to Joohee’s help with her B-rank healing, but he was still able to acquire them himself! And with such a fruitful harvest (well at least to Jinwoo), this only meant one thing:
Upgrades. Today was the day Jinwoo would finally get a weapon—a weapon infused with mana. He was thinking of getting a dagger. It would obviously have to be more on the cheaper side, but with this he could get more kills. With this, he could maybe even increase his confidence as a hunter.
As an omega fighter.
Jinwoo stared at his palms, closing his fingers in the air. He could imagine the feeling of his soon-to-be dagger in his hand, fitting perfectly in the crevice. He smiled.
When Jinwoo was younger and Jinah was still just a little toddler, he used to sneak around the house when no one was watching. His parents were still around then, and he remembered how while they spoke to each other, Jinwoo used to hide in his dad’s room. He would open his dad’s weapon drawer, and take out a dagger. His father’s beautiful, shiny dagger.
Jinwoo used to stare at his silver-tinted reflection, running his fingers along the smooth blade for long periods of time. “Cool.” He’d mumble under his breath as he observed it.
His father scolded him for that, talking of how dangerous it was and how Jinwoo could’ve been hurt. Jinwoo agreed to never do it again, but sometimes, when his dad wasn’t home, Jinwoo would take a look. Not picking up the dagger to hold, but to just simply stare. It was beautiful.
Jinwoo wishes he still had it. He wouldn’t fight with it or use it, but he wanted to go back to those days where he would just look at its beautiful, striking form in awe.
(At least that stunning dagger was with his dad. Somewhere out there. Maybe when his father was lonely and lost sight of himself, he could look at his reflection just like how Jinwoo used to. To remember who he was—an alpha, a fighter, a hunter, a husband, a father.)
Jinwoo couldn’t be like his father. His father was perfect. He was the epitome of an alpha—strong, charming, courageous, willing to sacrifice himself for others. Jinwoo wasn’t sure if he could ever replace him when his dad had gotten trapped in a gate years ago.
But that was fine. Jinah—and his mother when she was still around—had comforted him, told him that it was okay to be different. To be imperfect. To be him.
When Jinwoo initially presented as an omega, he was upset. After all, his father had just gone missing. Jinwoo pushed himself, even though no one told him to, to take the place of his father—to become the man of the household.
But his little teenage self couldn’t fill up the space his father had left.
And when Jinwoo went into heat for the first time, he was so angry at himself. So angry that instead of listening to his sweet mother who tried to help him make a nest, he pushed her away with yells and complaints. His mother was already overworking herself trying to parent both of her children alone. Jinwoo was only being a nuisance by being an omega. Taking days off from school to lock himself up at home. Spending money to buy him things for his new dynamic. Just being plain weak.
So weak.
The pressure he had shouldered had crashed down on him one day, during his second year of high-school.
One night during the summer, he overheard his mother talking to the landlord. It was an exchange of hushed whispers, but Jinwoo always had better hearing than most.
He could hear her clearly stressed tone, and he could hear the landlord laughing awkwardly, trying to confront this widowed omega woman in the nicest way possible.
A pressing issue lingered in the air: his mother was late to pay the rent. She could not afford it.
The next day, his mother came back with another job.
This was her third one. She was juggling jobs as fast as she could, trying to provide for her children.
Jinwoo’s heart couldn’t handle it, and before he knew it he was applying for a part-time job himself.
Without his mother knowing, of course.
He worked there all summer, his only break being his one heat cycle during the duration. It was a nice job, just a regular cashier at a gas station. He had lied about his age to get it, but it was worth it. His boss, although a bit irresponsible, was a relaxed, beta man who never pushed Jinwoo too hard. He fondly remembers a time where the old man had guarded him from a few rowdy, alpha teenagers. Jinwoo had found it hard to say goodbye once school started.
During his first semester of high-school, feeling giddy over being able to help, he shoved all his hard-earned money into a white envelope, and left it on his mother’s bedroom table.
He went to sleep happily at the thought of being able to do something. He wasn’t the alpha his dad was, but he could still provide like one as an omega.
So when he found that envelope in his backpack the next day, noticeably untouched, he was furious. He confronted his mother, telling her to keep the money and use it to pay for whatever she needed or wanted. His mother shook her head no, adamant about letting her dear son keep his earnings. She had even smiled tiringly, telling him to go buy his favorite snacks he used to eat so often with his father.
Before he had even realized it, he was shouting. Yelling. Jinah, who was so young at the time, started crying at the sight—her hands quivering and legs shaking. But he didn’t care. He had to make his mother listen to him. To accept his help. To let him provide for her. He growled at her.
Jinwoo growled.
And that’s when his mother realized something was wrong.
Each dynamic had their own sounds—their own motions and behaviors. Omegas didn’t growl; if they were upset they would hiss, but never growl. Only alphas growled.
“Jinwoo…” she had started, her voice quiet and comforting, “why are you trying to be an alpha?”
Her sweet scent started to fill the room, trying to calm her son down.
Jinwoo could only stutter, “W-w-well—someone has to do it! Dad’s gone! I need to help you out somehow. I’m the eldest son, I’m the only man here- I have to do something for you or—”
“Jinwoo, you’re a pup!” His mother interrupted, her tone more sad than angry. “You’re my pup, Jinwoo. You don’t have to do anything. I just want you to be happy, that is all. If you’re happy, if you’re smiling, that’s all I need. You don’t have to be like your father Jinwoo, just be yourself. Don’t force yourself to be an alpha—I love you as you are.”
Jinwoo could feel his breath slow down, and his shoulders relax. The envelope in his hand, now crumpled, fell to the ground sadly.
Jinah was still crying, hugging a stuffed animal and standing in the distance. He looked at his sister, his eyes scrunched in remorse.
“...I’m sorry, mom. I just want to do something. I don’t want to stand here and do nothing—”
“Jinwoo,” his mother cooed, “you already do so much. You take care of Jinah when I’m not around, you cook, you clean, you always help and listen to me unasked…you’re already perfect the way you are.” She rose to her feet, her arms wrapping around her pup. “I don’t need the money, Jinwoo. I’m happy to just have you and Jinah.”
Jinwoo froze under her touch, before crying softly. She had patted his head, letting out quiet whispers of reassurance into his ears. His mother had beckoned Jinah to join their little group hug, and the trio wrapped each other into their warm, embracing arms.
That night, his mother had invited them both to her nest, and they all had slept together, mingling in each other’s scents and arms. As he settled into the soft, linen sheets and sank into the puffy pillows, he decided to stop acting as an alpha and playing a role. He would help his family in his own way, as a proud omega.
That was the last nest Jinwoo had ever truly been in, as his mother had gotten Eternal Sleep after that.
Now he really was the breadwinner of the house, regardless of his age or second dynamic. He could make decisions and purchases for himself and his sister.
And today, he was going to buy a dagger.
Not to imitate an alpha, but to fight the way his inner omega—no—the way Jinwoo yearned to.
Making his way throughout the mall’s many hallways, Jinwoo merely glanced at the intriguing glass windows of the shops. He knew where the section for hunters was, so he just looked around absentmindedly like a robot on autopilot.
On his way to buy daggers and rounding a corner, his eyes caught sight of an extravagant pillow shop.
The store was rather large, and had huge windows that allowed outsiders to peer in and observe under some warm lighting.
It was clearly made for omegas, Jinwoo observed, as there were signs all over the displays saying things about “nests” and “softness” and “comfort”.
Jinwoo paused at the presentation, his feet skidding to a halt. His eyes traced the pillows, reminiscing about the time with his mother. There were pillows of all different sizes, colors, and textures. The sight was alluring.
There was a part of him—a feeling nestled deep inside of him that wanted to grab it and take it home. He wanted to drag his fingers around the fluff, tracing each line. He wanted to bury his face into that warm softness and sigh, feeling safe and cozy. Simply imagining it made him want to release a trill from his throat, a sound that signified a pleased omega.
He shook his head out of the trance.
This…this was dangerous.
It wasn’t like he resented himself for feeling this way—not anymore. He just didn’t have the money for this kind of stuff now. He needed a dagger—a weapon.
Not to be like his father.
Not to be like an alpha.
But to fight in his own way. To survive and persevere once again. To be safer, more efficient, and to see a future where his pack could be reunited again.
He stared at the soft pillows for another continued breath, before eventually turning away.
Maybe another time he’d come back for it.
(His dagger ended up breaking in a gate a few days later anyway.)