Chapter Text
Apropos of nothing, Jason presents Penny with a packet of documents when she gets home from work. She arches a brow, but when he just grins and doesn’t elaborate, she opens the packet. At the very top is a court order rescinding his death certificate. She’s seen that one before. Under it, though, is another court order and whole suite of new documents—driver’s license, social security card, birth certificate with amendment, and so on.
“Oh,” she coos, looking through them. “Jason Wayne. I’m so glad you and Bruce finally communicated.”
“Well, I wouldn’t have done it without you,” he says casually while she leafs through everything, habitually checking to make sure all the details are correct. “I wanted you to have the protection of the Wayne name once we get married.”
“Mmm.” She hums in agreement, comparing the spelling between the driver’s license and SSN card. Good, they’re both correct.
“…Penny,” says Jason, amused.
“Yeah?” She looks up.
“You didn’t hear a word I said, did you?”
She wrinkles her nose at him. “Of course I did. You said when we get married—” Only then do the words really strike her. The entire packet drops from her hands, landing with a papery smack on the counter. “Wait. Now?”
Jason shrugs and gets down on one knee as he pulls a little velvet box from his pocket. “Unless you have a better idea?”
“You’re usually so dramatic, I just figured there would be a big speech and… fireworks. Or guns. Maybe cannons.” Despite the humor of her words, she sniffles and blinks to hold back tears, hand pressed over her mouth.
“I could wait for a gala. Hundreds of people watching…”
“No! Please, god, no.”
He grins. “So. Will you marry me?”
Penny doesn’t quite manage to hold back the tears anymore. “Of course I will. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
The ring he puts on her finger is remarkably modest for a billionaire’s son, with a reasonably-sized pink diamond as the centerpiece. She has the strangest feeling he used Selina to source it. It’s beautiful, and exactly the kind of practical size and design she won’t mind wearing every day.
“Do you mind if we elope?” he asks once he’s done kissing her senseless.
She snorts. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
They pack for Vegas immediately—the less time for their family of detectives to realize something is up, the better. Penny has just finished putting everything in packing cubes while Jason booked the hotel and flight when there's a knock on the front door. They both freeze, exchanging a startled glance.
“Expecting friends?” Jason asks, gun already drawn.
“No.” She follows his lead and moves to a good position to cover him.
He gets up and approaches the door, leaning in to peer through the peephole, then gasps sharply and pales. He twists around, eyes wide. “It’s Alfie!” he hisses.
Penny immediately panics. “Pretend we’re not here!”
The knock repeats. “Master Jason, Miss Penny, if you would be so kind as to open up, I have a delivery.”
“Act natural!” Jason commands, stuffing his trusty Glock 40 back into its holster before unlocking the door.
Penny has no idea why he even tries, considering she’s the least capable actress he knows. She leans stiffly against the wall and forgets to put away her own Glock. When Alfred walks in, box in hand, he immediately eyes it.
“Hi Alfred!” she blurts out. “Uh, what’s up? We were just here, uh, talking about… soup.”
Jason’s hand makes an audible thwap when it smacks his forehead. Serves him right. He knows she can’t act natural.
“Indeed?” Alfred inquires dryly. “It must have been a rousing discussion to require your firearm.”
“Um, yep. Very heated. I just hate his opinions on gazpacho.” She finally has the good sense to sheepishly re-holster the gun.
“Anyway,” Jason interjects, giving her a look behind Alfred’s back, “did you need something from us, Alfie? We were just about to leave.”
Alfred sets the box down on the kitchen island. “Oh, nothing important,” he says. “I had luncheon with Miss Kyle recently and thought to bring you some of the tea and cakes she so generously shared.”
The emphasis he places on her name is subtle but undeniable. Jason and Penny exchange another panicked glance. Busted. Still, maybe they can salvage this.
“Oh, well, thank you,” says Penny. “Um—”
“Of course, dear girl,” says Alfred before she can gracefully imply that they’ll repay the favor in three to five business days. “I hope you’ll forgive an old man his sentimentality for a moment, but speaking with Miss Kyle has brought such thoughts to the fore. I had always hoped Master Bruce might settle down, but alas, he has been quite hesitant. And Master Dick seems more inclined to, shall we say, sow his wild oats than get married.” He sighs with just a touch too much wistfulness. “And of course I was hired well after the last Wayne family wedding. Ah, but I’m sure there will be another such marvelous event I may bear witness to eventually.”
His eyes pierce Penny though, far too knowing. She nods silently and doesn’t dare to move, even when his attention shifts pointedly to her fiance.
“Oh,” says Jason weakly. He makes a valiant attempt to salvage the situation. “Yeah. That is kind of depressing. Say, Alfie, would you want to uh… come with us? We were just about to go on a little trip. I’m sure you’d enjoy it, just the three of us… we could get, uh, brunch…”
“And leave the rest of the family behind?” he asks mildly. “Perish the thought, Master Jason. I’m sure there are many others who would be quite heartbroken to be left out of time with you and Miss Penny. Your father… Master Dick… Miss Cassandra…”
Penny feels her resolve weakening. She can see Jason’s weaken too as he rubs the back of his head.
“Ah, but I’ve distracted you from your plans,” says Alfred. “My apologies. Pay no mind to my sentimentality. For all the musings of what could be, at least I haven’t missed any of my grandchildren’s weddings.”
FATALITY!
Jason and Penny slump at the same time, defeated. “Okay, fine, you win,” Jason grumbles. “We won’t go to Vegas.”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” says Alfred with a satisfied tilt to his smile. A less austere man would have been grinning. “Perhaps there’s something you would like to tell me?”
“Jason proposed,” says Penny with a rueful smile, not believing for a second that Alfred missed the ring on her finger. She holds her hand up for closer inspection anyway. “And I said yes.”
“Oh, happy day!” he enthuses in his understated British way, clasping his hands together. “I take it you haven’t delivered the news to anyone else yet?”
Jason huffs and slinks up to Penny, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “No, you’re the first. I have the strangest feeling Selina also knows, though.”
“Miss Kyle is quite insightful. Shall I arrange a family dinner for you to make the announcement?” He raises his eyebrows pointedly. “Mandatory, of course.”
“Yeah, alright. The sooner the better, please. Let’s get this over with.”
Penny snorts at the morose resignation in his voice, even though she feels the same. Alfred seems equally amused as he comes to embrace them both.
“You will survive, Master Jason. Of that, I assure you.”
The auspicious announcement dinner takes place the following night, and it’s immediately clear that there’s no need for an announcement: everyone already knows. Jason is ambushed first, the moment he steps through the front door with Penny beside him.
“Jaybird!” Dick enthuses at top volume, pouncing. “You used your words! I’m so proud of you!”
“Get off me, dickwing!” says Jason. A predictable scuffle ensues, which Penny steps away from politely.
Cass is on her with nearly the same swiftness but much less sibling violence. “Little sister-in-law,” she announces as she grabs Penny’s hands and grins.
“Soon,” Penny agrees, smiling back.
Cass’s eyes narrow. “Almost too soon. Selina texted Alfred.”
“...sorry. Well, not really. I think we all knew an attempt was inevitable.”
“Yes.” She nods, pleased. “Thwarted. Didn’t even have to intercept your flight.”
Something about Cass’s tone makes Penny think that even if they had made it to Vegas, they would have found a full complement of familial witnesses there anyway. And honestly, given their nightlife… it’s not all that surprising.
Babs pulls up next to them as Tim gets dragged into the scuffle happening in the background. “Congratulations,” she says, eyes twinkling.
“Let me guess, you knew as soon as Alfred and Selina did.”
“Obviously. You’ll have more fun guessing who figured it out last.”
Penny doesn’t skip a beat. “Damian, because he doesn’t care.”
Cass and Babs both laugh. The teenager in question materializes from the shadows (as he is wont to do) and sniffs, “I certainly care who takes on the Wayne name, but you proved yourself a worthy addition long ago. This was clearly only a matter of time. If anything, it is Todd whose inclusion here I question.”
They all pause to check on the scuffle. Jason has Tim in a leglock and is snarling threats while Dick uses a half-Nelson to force him to endure a noogie.
“Mmm,” says Penny noncommittally.
“If you would please proceed to the dining room,” says Alfred, distinctly unimpressed. The brotherly tussle immediately stops and all three scramble to their feet, winded and ruffled.
“Sorry, Alfie,” says Jason.
Penny un-ruffles her fiancé on the way to the dining room, fixing his hair and jacket. He kisses the top of her head in thanks just before they enter. Several people are already waiting: Duke, Steph, Kate, Bruce, and Selina, who breaks off from teasing the Wayne patriarch to saunter over to Penny.
“Congratulations, kitten,” she purrs, taking her hands. “And here I was so worried we would have to meet you in Vegas.”
Penny channels her inner Alfred and dryly delivers an understated “Clearly.” Selina grins.
Bruce approaches Jason while she and Selina chat. “Congratulations, lad.” And then, looking distinctly like he was both coached and practiced several times, he says, “I'm proud of the man you've become. Penny is a lucky woman.”
“...thanks, dad,” says Jason, a little choked. “I'm the lucky one, getting someone like her to say yes.”
“You can both be lucky, I think. Maybe that's what makes it such a good match.”
Penny raises a hand. “This is literally a family of superheroes and Jason is built like a Greek god moonlighting as a lit professor. I'm definitely the lucky one.”
Steph slings an arm over her shoulder with such force that it nearly bowls her over. “Hey, don't downplay your achievements, Miss ‘Three Kills’ Justice League member!” she chirps. “You’re just as weird as the rest of us.”
“The League only took me as a member so I could do their accounting. Plus this is all the demon’s fault,” Penny insists. Is she a normal civilian still? No, not at all, but it’s also definitely not her choice. A literal demon forced her to become the Birds of Prey’s feared Auditor.
(She’d accidentally met Etrigan a second time during League business. He’d started laughing the moment he saw her, much to everyone else’s confusion and alarm.)
“Jim will be here soon,” Bruce warns. “Get all the hero talk done before then.”
Jason snorts. “God forbid we impact his plausible deniability.”
“You’re part of an elite group, Auditor!” Steph continues. “Not all of us are Leaguers. Or have our famous weapons in museums.”
“Once again,” Penny stresses, “they accepted me for bureaucracy purposes, not because I’m actually Justice League material. And I only let the museum display my first 43x because Jason made a prettier one.”
“Sure, Jan,” Steph laughs, and Penny sighs in defeat. It’s not the first time they’ve had this teasing discussion, and it’s not the first time she’s been defeated.
Actually, she’s never won.
When the Commissioner arrives and gives his own congratulations, they finally settle down around the table to eat. Alfred prepared a veritable feast, and they dig in with relish, chatting in small groups.
“Have you told your parents?” Selina asks, savoring a generous glass of wine that pairs with her salmon.
“Yes, I called and told them the news.” Penny takes a bite of perfectly-seasoned broccoli and mentally thanks god for Alfred Pennyworth. “It was the strangest thing, though, dad kept talking about how he would have trouble paying for anything big. I know they expected me to elope, but I had to tell him three times I was paying for everything myself before he finally got the message!”
The table goes oddly silent, even though multiple other conversations were going on at the same time. Selina blinks at her with an odd sort of astonishment. Then a slow, sly grin creeps across her face. “Oh, kitten,” she says with tremendous (and confusing) delight.
“What?” Penny blinks back at her.
Bruce clears his throat. “What… made you think you would need to pay for anything?” he asks awkwardly.
She narrows her eyes at him slightly. He can’t possibly be thinking what she thinks he’s thinking. “I have way too much money and nothing to spend it on. Besides, it’ll just be a modest celebration—”
The sentence hasn’t even finished before surprised and stifled laughter travels around the table. She does not like the implications.
“Uh, baby—” Jason starts, but she interrupts him.
“We don’t need a huge wedding!” she protests. “Just a little family event! We could get married in the backyard, even.”
Bruce looks like he swallowed a lemon full of razor blades. “If… that’s your preference…”
Selina slaps his shoulder. “Oh no you don’t.” She turns to Penny. “Kitten, you’re a Gotham princess and Jay here was presumed dead. Your wedding isn’t just going to be big—it’s going to be a city-wide event. Front page news! And trust me, even if you don’t want it to be Gotham will turn it into a big thing. It’s much smarter to organize the chaos, don’t you think?”
There’s a lot of good sense in what she’s saying, which Penny hates it with every fiber of her being. Or at least, most of the fibers. Shoulder angel and shoulder devil are at war again, trying to decide whether it’s better to be frugal or to live her most extravagant childhood dreams. And honestly? Shoulder devil is rapidly starting to win.
She opens her mouth and shuts it a few times, struggling for words while Selina waits patiently and Bruce gives her the emotionally-repressed man equivalent of puppy eyes. Finally she turns to Jason, who looks far too amused by the whole situation. “We should have gone straight out the window and sprinted to the airport,” she tells him solemnly.
He grins while laughter erupts around the table again. “That’s on me for not being paranoid enough. I knew it was going to be an all-or-nothing sort of deal. Hell, if it was up to me and the public didn’t know us, that backyard wedding would have been perfect.”
Penny scowls at her broccoli. “Public relations,” she curses.
“Yep,” Jason agrees, dropping another kiss on the top of her head.
“Alright fine.” She turns to her suddenly hopeful father-in-law. “But I’m contributing a minimum of twenty-five percent. And I get unlimited line-item vetoes.”
Bruce smiles at her. “Deal.”