Chapter Text
Ever since they had sex, Giyuu has been avoiding her like the plague.
At first, Kanae didn’t think much of it. They’re both hashira with a multitude of duties, and she herself also has her sisters and the Butterfly Estate to take care of, so she’s not all that surprised when she just.. Doesn’t see Giyuu again after a while.
Then she goes to a hashira meeting.
Giyuu skips out on them often, but she knows that this is a meeting Giyuu can make because Master makes sure they’re always available. Even if that means to send more demon slayers to finish your mission just to make sure you’re able to come.
Giyuu managed to get out of the meeting. He managed to get out of their joint mission. He managed to avoid her for a solid month before Kanae finally managed to convince Master to put together a joint mission for the two of them.
It’s a relatively short mission, only a few days, but it's far and in a mountainous area, meaning lots of hiding places and travel.
She’d feel worse if she didn’t understand how Giyuu reacts and treats vulnerability. He becomes a ghost every time he feels he’s getting too close to someone, will avoid and cower from them like an abused cat until they inevitably leave him.
Unfortunately for Giyuu, Kanae is very used to abused cats, and she’s just about ready to handle anything he throws at her until she can break him down enough to not run from her.
~~~
Kanae was right when she said that there was going to be a lot of travel. They’ve been riding their horses for hours now, and Giyuu has ignored every single word that has come out of her mouth.
It’d be annoying if she wasn’t so focused on the way his hips moved every time his horse took a step. She probably shouldn’t be focusing on that actually.
“Ara,” she hums, gently coaxing her horse forward. “Are you not going to talk to me at all, Tomioka?”
She’s already asked this question maybe three times, but she can’t help but ask again. She’s stuck behind Giyuu, the trail is too narrow for them to ride side to side, and he’s a lot more traversed in mountainous terrains than she is. Kanae watches as Giyuu pauses a little, his shoulders riding up to his ears as he ducks his head.
Kanae holds in a squeal. Even as he’s ignoring her, he’s still so adorable.
“Kocho,” he mumbles, so soft she has to strain to hear. “It’ll rain soon.”
She holds back another excited squeal, internally jumping around and pumping her fist like a loon. She looks up at the sky, unable to contain her beaming smile.
“Oh!” She says, drawing out the sound. “Good eye, Tomioka-san! I didn’t even notice!”
She watches him fluster at the praise, shifting in his saddle like he’s trying not to blush. She coos internally at him but stays quiet to let him do as he needs; she stays eyeing his hips though. It takes him so long to respond again, she almost worries he’s going to ignore her again.
“You can smell it,” he mumbles, carefully coaxing his horse to the side to avoid a patch of unstable rocks.
Kanae follows the movement instinctively, trusting his judgement.
“You can?” She asks curiously.
She smiles, taking a deep breath just to see if she actually can. She’s not all that surprised when it’s revealed she can. She takes another deep breath, enjoying the scent of the rain. This is what Giyuu smells like, Kanae realizes. Soft and earthy and gentle. She likes his scent, and she likes the smell of rain even better now that she’s realized it.
“Yes.”
Giyuu shifts again, glancing up at the sky. It’s still blue, a little cloudy with the wind but not as many grey clouds as she’d expected. She guesses that it’ll be a minute until it actually starts raining considering the color still in the sky.
“We should probably hurry then, hm?” She asks.
Kanae tightens her grip on her horse, huffing softly as her crow caws loudly before swooping down in front of her. Her horse whinnies, momentarily startled by the dark bird.
“Mh.”
Kanae sighs internally at the wordless answer, but accepts the win for what it is.
~~~
Despite Kanae’s wishes, it only takes another half hour of riding before the bad weature sets in. It’s only lightly raining, but the terrain is too steep and narrow to try and traverse wet, even with an expert in the terrain like Giyuu is. Luckily for them, he had the foresight to stop and grab several branches and twigs and wrap them in his blanket to keep them dry.
He guides them forward until they finally find a cave system deep and tall enough for them to stuff their horses in. They feed them and leave a bucket out to catch rain so they have something to drink before tying them up to the notches in the rock to keep them in place. They both detach their travel packs from the saddles of the horses and swing them over their shoulders.
The packs are heavy, but not by much. Stacked with sleeping pads, water canteens, and canned and fermented foods, there’s plenty of things to last them their trip.
The cave is large, but not large enough for them to stay with their horses in the same space. Kanae’s crow, Suzume, settles in a little nook down with the horses, but Giyuu’s crow is nowhere to be found for the moment. Kanae worries absently about the old thing, but Giyuu doesn’t look worried, so she assumes it’s fine.
“We’ll have to climb up to that one,” Giyuu states, bringing her out of her reverie.
He points up to another decent sized crook on the mountain side only a couple feet upwards. Kanae frowns at the thought of climbing in rainy weather, but it’s steadily moving to begin pouring and they don’t have enough time to look for another one.
“Yeah, sure,” Kanae agrees.
She glances over to Giyuu, who’s already climbing up. She sighs internally again before following after him. They swing themselves into the nook, crawling into the squat cave cave before setting their packs down.
They set their sleeping stations up, close but not close enough for kanae. She can’t keep her eyes off of him, his quiet and sure movements, his damp, curly hair. She doesn’t want to stop staring at him, to be honest. Kanae isn’t sure what this small, lively and warm thing building in her chest is, but she’s content to let it be. She’s not like Uzui, needing to name everything immediately. She can go with the flow. Giyuu needs that from her.
Her breath catches at the thought, internally berating herself. She can’t think thoughts like that. She can’t allow herself to believe that Giyuu may need her. That’s a dangerous road, one she’ll slip on millions of times.
Giyuu frowns at his pack, huffing softly. He’s been shuffling around the small bag for awhile now, his sleeping station all set up. Kanae has been too deep in her own head to realise.
“Forgot something?” She asks, instinctively grabbing her own pack to give to him.
Maybe she’ll have what he’s looking for. She watches him closely, always searching for the barest hints of reactions from him. He pauses, his hair falling over his shoulder as he tilts his head a little. He’s chewing on his lip and it's so cute.
“Yeah,” he rasps, frowning poutily.
She waits for him to elaborate, but quickly realising he won’t, pushes her pack closer to him. The space is a little awkward to kneel in with her height, but she manages to crawl on her knees over to him. He ducks his head a little, blushing softly when he notices her sudden proximity.
“What’re you looking for?” Kanae asks, setting her pack between them in case he doesn’t want to answer.
Giyuu pauses again, his fingers twitching as he clutches at the patterned side of his haori. She smiles, slouching a little to his height. He reaches for her pack, sliding his hand in and pulling out her fire starter and match.
“Ah,” she hums, nodding.
She pats his thigh absentmindedly, before realising what she did and tearing her hand away from him. She immediately regrets that decision too as Giyuu clutches his haori tighter, shuffling a little away from her and ducking his head.
He crawls off to the side, somehow still moving gracefully despite the odd height of their shelter. He grabs a couple loose rocks, setting them in a circle before placing them in the dry kindle and grass. He lights a match, setting the kindle on fire before taking the few branches they had thought to grab when he first realised it was going to rain. He sets the sticks on top, letting the fire grow as he leaves a couple to the side for later.
“We probably should have grabbed some more, huh?” Kanae hums, glancing at the tiny pile of sticks next to Giyuu.
Giyuu nods, crawling back over to her. She watches closely, unable to push down the thrills running through her stomach and up her spine at the sight. She huffs at herself, smiling sweetly at Giyuu when he settles onto his sleeping pad next to her. It’s already pretty dark outside, both because of the rian and because of the late hour, so she’s not surprised when Giyuu starts getting ready for bed.
He’s shivering, barely, but it’s there, and she frowns. He slides off his haori, planning to use it as a blanket since his actual one is covered in mud and bark.
“Giyuu,” she calls, unable to stop herself. Her subconscious berates her, but she can’t bring herself to care. “Why don’t you lay with me? It’ll be warmer and we can share the blanket.”
Her subconscious is internally beating her with a broom, but she can’t bring herself to regret it, not with the chance to get to hold him in her arms again. She remembers the way he looked when they spent that night together, how his head was just above her chest, stuffed into her neck with his nose in her collarbones. He breathed in her scent, tickling her every time he breathed out, but he had complimented her perfume. She remembers her arms around him, his thigh over hers as no place of their bodies didn’t touch. They were one being until they had to separate, and she longs for that feeling once more.
She watches his face and body language closely, hoping for a sign of his internal emotions. She and him are similar that way. Their internal emotions rarely feel simple or are real. She has yet to feel fully comfortable around someone yet, though Giyuu is very quickly becoming that person, just as she hopes she is for him.
She catches the nervous determination in his gaze and the steeled set of his shoulders as he nods. He sits up and slides his haori back on before sliding his sleeping pad over to her’s. They settle them together, spreading her blanket thin for that tiny bit of extra space between them. She yearns for the chilled warmth of his body, unable to stop staring at him. He looks back, though his eyes fix on the bridge of her nose.
They’re both too scared to bridge the gap between each other, too scared to take that next step. Even Kanae, with all her previous thoughts and gripes about not seeing Giyuu for so long. She fears ruining everything, scaring Giyuu off. Her eyes trace his features, unable to help herself when given the chance to stare. Her gaze trails over the soft, slow slope of his nose, his eyebrows, the gentle fold of his wide eyes, the pouty part of his lips. He has a mole under his left eye, and a little dimple right on the under his mouth. His hair is wild and curly, barely held together by his ribbon.
He’s beautiful. She wishes he were hers to tell that to. Maybe, in another life, where demons are eradicated and the only thing they need to worry about is the next step they’ll take. She wonders what Giyuu would be like, without worrying about demons. Would he still be quiet and stoic and shy? Or would he be lively? Her heart flutters at the thought. Of getting to spend her teenage years with a happy and wild Giyuu. To run through fields of flowers and climb trees and swim in muddy riverbanks just because they can and they’re free too. Oh, she yearns for the privilege to see Giyuu’s face light up with laughter, longing to be the reason for it.
She believes, with all her heart, that in another life, another world, she and Giyuu have a chance to be something soft, something real. She knows that in this life, they would never be able to love each other properly, not even if they win against the demons. They would need a world without trauma, without heartache and tears and blood. She would need it.
But here, in this trauma-filled, blood soaked, tear bedded, heartache of a world, she’ll hold his bloodied hands, wipe his teary face, piece his cracked heart, soothe his trauma-filled head if he lets her. Kanae hopes that he’d do the same for her. She knows he would, even with stumbling hands. That’s okay though, her hands are trembling too.
Giyuu shifts, catching her attention. Kanae stares into his eyes, willingly drowning in his siren call gaze. He reaches out, laying a trembling hand upwards between them. Her heart flutters as her stomach squeezes, and she lays her hand over his, interlocking their fingers. Giyuu presses his lips together and ducks his head, hiding under his bangs.
Kanae can’t stop staring, can’t force herself to look away for even a moment. She wishes, with a devastating force, to be able to do so many things at once. She wants to look everywhere, wants to train her eyes to his face and his eyes and his hands and the way his chest lifts with soft breaths. She can’t though, so her eyes flit everywhere, taking in as much as she can get away with.
Giyuu does the same, she notices. Let his eyes peek out beneath his bangs to stare at their conjoined hands and her face and her hair. Her own gaze flits to his hair, to the bulging ribbon. His curls are soft and wild, coiling around his face and weaving together over the dark abyss behind his shoulder.
She moves slowly, propping herself up on her elbow and hovering over Giyuu. His eyes go wide and his breath stutters a little before calming again. She longs for the stutter, to hear his breath go soft and uneven under her. Her hair is a long, black curtain around the two of them, shielding them from the outside world. Her eyes pour into his, taking every breathtaking moment of eye contact with bloodied, greedy hands. She releases his hand, and he lets her go willingly, clutching at his sleeping pad.
She reaches up, cupping his cheek. The tension is unbearable, her heart beating so fast and loud that she knows he can hear it. She can feel his pulse when her pinky dips and trails over his pulse point. It’s fast and tumbling, skipping soft beats and tripping over itself. She rubs her thumb over the apple of his cheek, smoothing her palm over his cheek before sliding it into his wild curls. He reaches up, his hand quivering as it meets her cheek. She leans into it, feeling the gentle shaking calm at the soft warmth of her skin.
Her fingers catch, pulling the ribbon free. Kanae smooths her hand over the messy curls, watching as they sprawl around him. He looks like an angel, the soft glow of the fire catching the blue of his eyes, the black of his hair. She smiles wordlessly down at him, as soft and gentle as she can.
Giyuu relaxes under her, all the tension leaving him in a soft breath. She wonders if she could have this every night in that other world, where they don’t worry about anything. If he would melt under her and feel nothing but trust and love and devotion. If the hero of that world would do the same, allow Giyuu to hover over her and hold, touch.
Her hand finds his cheek again, cupping his face as he tips his head into her palm. So pretty, her mind whispers. So pretty, she echoes back, unable to not think it, if she can’t say it. She wishes she could. She’d drown Giyuu in his own beauty. Smother him with love and affection until he can barely breathe with it. The Giyuu of this world, she doesn’t think he could stand it. Maybe in the other world, she wouldn’t be so much. Maybe in that other world, Giyuu would return her intensity with that of his own.
She leans down, her nose brushing his, and watching with an intense yearning as his eyes close. She wants to see his eyes again. Wants to drown in the silver flecks in them, in the red ringlet around his pupil. Wants to watch as they dart around before settling on the bridge of her nose. In that other world, would Giyuu have these eyes? With all his different colors? Blue and silver and red and green. Would they be more red? More silver? What about his hair? She can’t imagine him in any other color besides black, but maybe he’d like to color it. Blue? He’d look good in blue.
Giyuu nuzzles back at her and she melts, her thoughts leaving her with the simple brush. His thumb rubs a little above her cheek bone and she moves her head to press a soft kiss against the inside of his wrist. Giyuu sighs softly, his eyelashes fluttering but his eyes refuse to open. She yearns for the sight of his eyes, and gently blows on his face to coax his eyes to meet hers.
His eyes open obediently. She can watch his eyelashes tremble as he searches for a place to set his eyes, instinctively tilting his head a little for his gaze to find the bridge of her nose easier. His eyes settle and she smoothes her hand over his hair again, knowing he enjoys it. She smiles, leaning down further to press her lips to his forehead. She lingers there, wanting the intimacy of the closeness. Giyuu’s pulse trips over itself again before righting and she shifts to press her forehead to his instead.
The position allows her to be close enough to count each and every eyelash, every hidden freckle. It’s difficult in the dark, but she wants to, so she tries. She’ll memorise the number, remember it like she remembers her sisters’ birthdays, her patients’ schedules, her parents’ death: softly, instinctively. Only for the sole purpose of caring.
The Kanae of the other world would know instinctively too, but she’d be more knowledgeable. She’d be able to know how many freckles and moles he has all over his body, every dimple, every scar. She’d know when he’d gain more, when he’d lose some. She’d know, because she would get the chance to count every single night, because her Giyuu would fall asleep in her arms knowing there was nowhere safer. She’d be reliable for Giyuu. People would go to her for information. That Kanae would know all of his hobbies, his secrets, his favorite book and song and movie, his favorite food and drink, his favorite color and shade, his favorite curl of the day.
They’d love each other, knowing that the other loved them just as much.
Kanae’s heart twists, yearning, wishing, hoping, praying for that universe to be out there, for it to not just be in her head. She glides her hand down, cupping the nape of Giyuu’s neck as her eyes fall shut. She prays that Giyuu hopes for the same.