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There are 5 things in the dorm that everyone knows in the dorm, rules if you will. They were simple, easy to follow, and if you broke them, you suffered whatever the consequences were, and Chan was the one who decided those consequences. And no one wanted that.
Rule number 1: Clean up after yourself. The dorm is small, and there are eight of them living in one small apartment. If you cooked and made a huge mess, you helped clean up. If you had a snack, make sure there are no crumbs left, and throw it away.
Rule number 2: Make sure homework was done. This was mainly to the ones still going to school, Changbin, Hyunjin, Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin. But for the others, you made sure you still studied or helped the ones still in school.
Rule number 3: Come to practice and training on time. Simple
Rule number 4: Respect each other's space and opinions. Now that they were all living together they needed to get along. Jisung and Hyunjin seem to be the only ones on a daily basis that ignore this rule. But it was a work in progress, the longest they’ve gone without fighting is up to two days, so yeah…Progress!
And lastly… Rule number 5: Never ever deny Kim Seungmin, when he's having a clingy day… even if you were having an off day.
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Clingy days from Seungmin didn’t come often, maybe once every 3 maybe 4-ish months, at least that's what they gathered. Seungmin had always been respectful, polite, and followed all Chan’s rules. Chan would say out of all of them Seungmin is the most responsable, mostly quiet. Chan has never really had to tell him off or anything.
To Chan, Seungmin probably got the least amount of attention in general simply because if he's not telling Jisung and Hyungjin to stop fighting, he is either helping someone or working in the studio. And even when they all practice together, Seungmin rarely ever needs correcting. His dancing is already amazing (which made sense, considering he was in a dance club), he did his vocal training without much complaining (and even then it’s him complaining to himself about where he went wrong and how he wants to improve.)
Chan felt horrible though, knowing that he rarely gave Seungmin attention, he tried to make room for him specifically. Chan is always with the others or someone else, whether it's about working or trying to play a meditator, Chan is always busy and schedule wise? His calendar was probably screaming at him.
Chan always wondered how Seungmin felt, if he even noticed or if Seungmin still felt like he was trying to find his place.
But he got his answer the first time this happened…
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It was late Friday morning, almost afternoon. The schedule was surprisingly small today, dance practice for an hour and a half, vocal training for 30 minutes, and the studio for—well it said an hour but they always spend longer. All of them were either working on homework—Jeongin and Felix, doing more dance practice—Minho and Hyungjin, or in the studio—Chan, Changbin and Han.
Seungmin was lying down on his bed, covered over his whole body while he held a pillow in his arms, curled on his side facing the wall. He finished everything today and wanted to just scroll on facebook for a while and let his mind go numb for a little. But instead, he just wanted someone to hold him. He didn’t know why, he just…wanted attention, even if it was for a little.
He knew the others got more attention, it didn’t really bother him at first. It still doesn’t really affect him, he knows how it is, he can see why, the others are loud and open about a lot. That’s just who they are, and they’re all still teenagers, that teenage rebellion is still there. Seungmin isn’t an idiot.
But he wanted to cry for some reason? He didn't know why he was so emotional, only that it felt like if he wasn't going to be held he'd cry. It felt stupid and needed… and a little desperate, which he did not want to start!
He sat up a bit, pillow still clutched to his chest as he leaned down to bury his face in the soft pillow. He sighed, willing the tears back, he didn't want to feel this emotional. Maybe it was just all the stress from the everyday training and practice? That had to be it right?
He glanced over at his phone, would he be interrupting his Hyungs if he needed to talk to Chan? He didn't want to interrupt them or anything…
He grabbed his phone and got off his bed. Chan had told him when he joined to tell him if he needed to talk. Sure Chan could be intimidating, a little strict sometimes. But he knew Chan meant well!
He grabbed his jacket and shuffled over to grab his shoes but paused, he should be more open with his members… on the other hand what if they were really busy and didn't have time?
He looked between his bed and his shoes, times like this he wished he wasn't so indecisive.
He pushed forward, Chan didn't like it when they kept things to themselves and shut everyone out. Seungmin knew himself well enough to know he'd shut everyone out if he didn't talk now.
Slipping his shoes on and grabbing his jacket, he opened the door of his room, the sounds of Jeongin arguing with Felix over what he assumed was math, could've been science but he wasn't sure.
He walked out into the living room and slipped his phone into his pocket and put on his jacket, “I'll be back.” He called out, already halfway to the door.
He heard Felix and Jeongin mumble a goodbye before debating formulas. He walked out the door and headed down stairs. Hopefully Chan-Hyung wasn't too busy.
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When he got to the studio it was a little past 1 PM, he'd already headed up to the studio, standing outside the door he could hear Chan and Changbin laughing while Han grumbled about something.
Maybe now wasn't a good time, he shifted and stepped back, he could wait! Talk to Chan later.
He didn't want to interrupt them, they sounded like they were having fun, he felt like he would ruin it.
He suppressed another wave of tears that threatened to fall for no other reason than he just wanted someone to hold him. This felt stupid, should he really be here?
He shook his head and walked down the hallway a little. Maybe if he waited it out or went back home and went to bed early it would work, and tomorrow he'd be better and he wouldn't feel like crying.
He jumped a little and hid behind a wall when he heard the studio door open. He glanced out seeing Han and Changbin wave inside and walk the opposite way of where he was.
Seungmin sighed when they left and walked forward pausing just before he got to the studio door. Should he-
“Seungmin-ah?”
Chan's voice called out, confused. Seungmin looked up immediately, Chan was standing in front of him. He looked confused and worried. Shit.
Seungmin smiled sheepishly, well he did need to talk. Might as well stop overthinking.
“Min? I thought you and the others had already left.” Chan seemed worried, he looked down the hallway and the one behind him.
Seungmin felt bad, he didn’t mean to make Chan worried! Damn it. “Hyung-” he started, making Chan’s head snap to him. Seungmin tensed a little at the look Chan had. Chan always looked intimidating, but this was a look Seungmin wasn’t used to.
“We did go home- well me, Jeongin, and Felix. Minho and Hyunjin went to practice some more.” He fidgeted with the hem of his jacket, fighting the urge to cry and or hug Chan until the feeling left. “I just uh…I need to talk, I...I think?” Seungmin stopped, why was he stuttering? He didn’t stutter!
Chan now looked concerned and stepped aside so Seungmin could go into the studio, “Come in, Changbin and Han Will be back in like an hour.” He said softly while opening the door.
Seungmin nodded and walked into the room, and looked around a little, he’s rarely in the studio, he’s normally out training. He sat down on the couch and looked over to the door, which Chan had just closed and was walking to his chair.
“What’s wrong Seungmin-Ah?” Chan asked in a soft voice. Seungmin could tell Chan was trying to be careful and gentle, probably because Seungmin has never asked to talk or has come directly to anyone about something like this. Seungmin appreciates it.
He took a breath and started slowly, starting from when he woke up this morning, about how he felt, then when he got home, the feeling on his bed, and the need to cry or be held, about how indecisive he had been to even come here.
By the end of it Seungmin wasn't even looking at Chan, just the ground, like it was a mistake and maybe he should've just stayed home and-
Seungmin was snapped out of his thoughts by Chan sitting next to him and pulling him into a hug. Seungmin tensed for half a second then fully relaxed into Chan's arms.
He sighed softly and snuggled closer, was that all he needed? He felt like all this was dramatic…
“Sorry-”
“Don't apologize Seungmin.” He mummered softly, running his fingers through Seungmin's hair, while his other hand rubbed his back.
Seungmin slowly nodded, letting his eyes shut, “I don't know why I felt like this though…”
Chan nodded slowly, letting Seungmin lay on him, “everyone needs someone to hold them sometimes… it's okay if you feel like this.”
Chan paused when his shirt got damp, “wha- Seungmin what's wrong?” He adjusted a little to cup Seungmin's face with his right hand.
Seungmin sniffled a little, “I just, I don't know. I'm sorry, I don't know why I felt like this or crying i-”
“Minnie, hey, just breathe. In.” Chan demonstrated, just a little exaggerated, “Now out.”
Seungmin followed, and wrapped his arms around Chan, his breathing slowing down a little.
“I promise, it's okay. If you need this just ask, or just hug okay? I promise if you need someone you can hug me.” Chan said seriously, Seungmin nodded in response, looking at Chan through glossy eyes.
Chan paused a little, Seungmin looked like a sad puppy when crying, and it broke Chan's heart. He wanted to prevent this exact thing, he knew how this came to be, and he knew he needed to pay more attention to Seungmin.
“Hey.” Chan said slowly and softly, trying not to let his voice shake, “if you ever, and I mean ever, need a hug or just someone to hold you, come to me. Or one of our members okay? I will let them know okay? It's important to everyone that you know you feel loved and safe enough to come to us.”
Seungmin nodded a little, calming himself down. “I just… I felt stupid for needing this…”
Chan pulled him close, “you're not stupid Min, nor is the feeling. Stay for as long as you need.”
Seungmin relaxed, laying his head on Chan's chest, arms around Chan's neck.
Chan held him close, resting and letting Seungmin feel safe.
As the minutes ticked by Chan felt Seungmin relax completely, breathing easily. He didn't realize how fast Seungmin had fallen asleep on him.
Chan opened his eyes when he heard the door open, seeing Changbin and Han at the door staring at them, confused.
Chan smiled and whispered, “Seungmin just needed to talk.”
Han’s smile dropped as he frantically whispered, “is he okay? What happened? Do we need to call-”
Chan shook his head, “he's okay now. Just a clingy day.”
Han nodded a little, calming down as he set their food down. Changbin knelt down beside the couch, brushing Seungmin's hair out of his face.
“He looks like a puppy..” Han mumbled, leaning over to get a better look, almost falling in the process.
Chan rolled his eyes playfully, then looked serious, “New rule, if Min ever gets clingy, you do not deny him anything. That goes for everyone. Let the others know.”
Changbin nodded and looked up, whispering, “you want us to go?”
Chan looked at the computer screen from where he was laying down, then back at the sleeping Seungmin in his arms, “yeah, we’ll be okay, you and Hannie go ahead and eat. Let the others know Min and I will be late.”
Han nodded a little, “I don't think Min had dinner yet.”
Chan nodded a little, “I’ll make sure he eats”
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Seungmin woke up feeling warm, hearing the soft heartbeat underneath his head. He didn't remember much just that his head hurt, probably from crying-
When it hit him Seungmin sat up slowly and looked over to see Chan smiling softly, “Hey, Min.”
“Wha- how long have I been asleep?” Seungmin asked, slightly panicked, it wasn't often they got a free day and when they did he knew most of them liked to spend it all together.
Chan just smiled at the younger, he loved how expressive Seungmin was when he woke up. Chan could always tell when Seungmin woke up. “Around an hour and a half. Feel better?”
“A little… my head hurts a little though.” He mumbled out, he sighed when his stomach made an embarrassing growl.
Smiling, Chan sat up and hugged Seungmin from behind, noting, but not commenting, on how fast Seungmin relaxed into Chan's arms. “Do you want to eat first or eat with the group?”
Seungmin leaned back against Chan, he liked how calm he felt now, the feeling from earlier lingered, but wasn't as prominent.
“The group… I miss them.” Seungmin paused, the words slipped out before he could process them. Yeah, he missed them, but he didn't know it was enough for that feeling from earlier to surge forward.
Chan's grip tightened around Seungmin, “hey, Minnie? Are you sure you're okay?”
Seungmin took a moment before shaking his head, “I don't-”
“I know.”
It didn't take long for them to gather Chan's things and head out of the studio. Chan made sure to keep an eye on him, Seungmin could feel the older eyes on him as they walked out of the building.
The car ride to their shared apartment was short, but regardless Seungmin leaned against Chan, trying to once again ease the feeling of needing to be held.
When they got to the door Chan opened the door, letting Seungmin in first before closing the door behind himself.
The rest of the day went by slowly, Chan told the others what had happened earlier when Seungmin went to clean up. The others were rightfully worried about Seungmin, and agreed to keep him comfortable.
When Seungmin came out of his room Minho was cooking dinner, while Chan was keeping Hyunjin and Jisung away from each other to prevent an argument.
Seungmin sat down and Jeongin sat next to him and laid his head on Seungmin's shoulder. While Felix sat on his other side and pulled Seungmin and Jeongin into his arms.
Seungmin smiled a little and relaxed… he liked this… maybe being clingy was okay… but only every once in a while!
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The second time this happened is the reason why the rule existed in the first place. Chan had said it was a rule, but it was one that wasn't officially established in the dorm.
Seungmin felt it before he logically understood the feeling. It was an early morning, they had a busy schedule today, all day it was back to back, and the cameras everywhere didn’t help the situation.
Seungmin had woken up feeling emotional, the feeling wasn't like last time, last time it had been gradually building. This morning it hit like a train.
He'd gotten out of bed, half asleep, and made his way to Felix’s bed and climbed in, falling asleep as the older rolled closer, instinctively grabbing on and holding him close like a stuffed animal.
When he woke up Felix was already up, running his hand through his hair and rubbing his back, softly asking “you okay, Seungmin-Ah?”
Seungmin nodded a little shifting, his arms were around Felix's waist, clinging. “Sorry-”
Felix didn't even let him finish before he shh’ed Seungmin and smiled, “no apologies, Minnie. If you need this then you need it. I don't mind. Just don't sleep in Hannie’s or Innie’s bed. I heard they kick in their sleep.”
Seungmin huffs out a soft laugh, and nuzzles into his Hyungs arms.
When they eventually wandered out of their room they heard Chan snapping at Han and Hyunjin, trying to stop a fight before it escalated.
Seungmin sighed forehead against the back of Felix’s shoulder. The bickering quieted a little before it picked up a little, somehow louder than it had been at first.
Felix froze before they could step into view, “you wanna go back to our room for a little?”
Seungmin thought about it, he kinda wanted to be held by Chan again or even Changbin. But from the sounds of it Han and Hyunjin were probably in a mood or something… maybe it'll calm down-
“HAN, HYUNJIN! ZIP IT!” Chan's voice boomed in English throughout the apartment. Instantly the apartment went quiet and still. Like if someone moved, you'd be yelled at next.
Seungmin went rigged, logically he knew he wasn't in there, Chan wasn't yelling at him, Chan didn't know he was even standing there. But logic went out the window when his emotions started to default to “I'm sorry I exist”.
Tears started falling for reasons he could not explain at all, he didn't know why he was crying or why he felt like it was his fault. He held onto Felix trying to hide his tears.
He felt stupid, this wasn't like him at all!
He just nodded slowly against Felix’s back, now he wanted to go back to their room…eating could wait, he didn't need breakfast right now. He didn't have an appetite anymore. Despite his emotional state right now, it was normal, if someone yelled at him or just around them, Seungmin couldn't keep food down.
Felix turned and quietly led them back to their room, silently closing the door before the two climbed back into Felix's bed. Felix finally had a good look at Seungmin's face and turned immediately to concern, “Minnie? Hey puppy, what's wrong?” He cupped Seungmin's face and wiped away a few tears.
“I don't know- I just-” Seungmin made a sound that sounded like a whine, and was embarrassed, what was wrong with him?
Felix immediately pulled him into his chest and ran his fingers through the younger's hair, “shh, it's okay. Sometimes it happens, emotions can be hard…was it the yelling?” the older asked softly while rubbing a spot behind Seungmin's ear.
Seungmin nodded a little, slowly relaxing, arms around Felix, unwilling to let go.
“I can go get Chan-Hyung?” Felix offered a little, trying to help.
Seungmin shook his head, Chan was probably still dealing with Han and Hyunjin.
Felix hummed softly, trying to think of someone that Seungmin could cling to. “How about Minho-Hyung?”
The nod was immediate, although Seungmin wasn't sure why entirely…
Slowly, however reluctant, Seungmin let go of Felix so the older could go get their Hyung.
Felix slid out of his bed and Seungmin’s grip, he quietly padded out of their room and peeked into the kitchen, Chan looked like he was trying to calm down, Changbin was trying to ease the tension, Hyunjin and Han looked guilty, and Minho and Jeongin were just eating trying not to be awkward.
It wasn’t that Felix blamed any of them for Seungmin crying, he knew that sometimes you just can’t control it, and it’s not like anyone except him knew Seungmin was having an emotional day. if they did, maybe Hyunjin and han wouldn’t be fighting?
Felix shook his head and cleared his throat, everyone paused and slowly looked over like they’d been caught doing something they weren’t supposed to. Which, Felix considered, was fair.
Chan’s smile softened a little at the sight of Felix, “Hey, how’d you sleep-?” Felix cut him off by accident, it wasn't on purpose or anything, he just needed to get Minho to Seungmin before Seungmin cried again.
“Minho-Hyung? Minnie needs you.”
Minho froze, surprise flickering his face before standing up, concerned, “Is he okay?”
Chan’s brows furrowed, “Felix?”
Felix’s smile tightened a little, “Min’s having an emotional day, and he heard you yell… He knows it wasn't him, Hyung. It’s just…one of those days…”
Minho was already moving to Felix’s and Seungmin’s room’s. He knocked gently and opened the door, “Seungmin-Ah?”
Seungmin was already sitting up, holding a pillow, trying to hide his face. Minho walked in and sat down on the bed and smiled a little before pulling the younger one into a hug, “There you go, it’s okay.”
A few minutes passed, Seungmin’s breathing slowed, regulating so he would calm down. Then there was a knock at the door, Minho looked up to see Chan standing in the door, concerned outlining his face along with regret and guilt. “Is he okay?”
Minho nodded a little and nudged his head to the side, telling Chan to come in and sit. Chan sat down and hugged Seungmin from behind. “You okay Minnie?”
Seungmin nodded and relaxed more when Chan’s grip tightened a little, Chan smiled a little, “good.” He whispered slowly and rested his cheek against the younger's back. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
Seungmin sniffled a little, lifting his head from Minho’s chest to glance at Chan, “It’s not your fault Hyung…I know it wasn’t at me and it didn’t have anything to do with me. I just…I couldn’t stop the tears.”
“And that's okay, you don’t have to explain. We’re all here for you,” Chan explained gently while rubbing Seungmin’s side in soothing circles.
Minho continued gently running his hand through Seungmin’s hair.
“Can the others come in?”
Before Chan could answer, the door opened and Changbin’s voice echoed through the room, “I’d thought you’d never ask Min!” Changing wrapped his arms around Seungmin, pulling him from both Minho and Chan’s grip, “Mine.” He stated, playfully. And pulled Seungmin closer.
Seungmin let out a soft laugh that made the three smile.
Slowly everyone made their way into the room. Eventually they ended up moving to the floor so they didn’t break Felix’s bed.
All of them were in a pile on the floor, Seungmin smiled to himself and nuzzled into Changbin's chest, relaxing. Slowly he fell asleep in the warm pile.
Chan sighed softly, and ran a hand through Seungmin’s hair, “Just a reminder, Rule #5 still stands, regardless if you feel petty or feel like starting an argument.”
Small nods and agreements came through the room, before settling back into quiet.
Chan looked around at everyone before his eyes landed back on Seungmin. One day, one day Seungmin wouldn’t need to feel like this, he’d find a way to make room for the younger. He wouldn’t let him down.
One day.