Chapter Text
Chapter One: The Feel of That Hand
I hope everyone’s comfy? Well then buckle up, because this might take some time – assuming my voice doesn’t give out.
Faith is waiting for me at home, so I’ll try to get through it as quickly as I can. As you’ll find out, being away from her is the one thing I hate with a passion.
When she showed up in the Bronze for the first time, if you’d told me then that I’d end up falling in love with her so hard that I’d die for her, I would’ve called the shrinks myself and let them cart me off to a nice little cell with padded walls.
But that’s what happened, and this is how.
It’s Saturday, the night after the Homecoming dance.
Looking back, this was the November night that started it all. For me anyway. For Faith it started a little sooner, though I didn’t know that at the time.
Well, it was a near-death experience for me and Cordelia, a dance for just about everybody else. Didn’t even get the crown. I think I’d have settled for a Good Girl sticker. Welcome to Buffy’s world. Sorry, I’m rambling already and I’ve hardly got going.
The days and weeks that came after changed things forever, but here’s where it began. I learned that caring for someone can change you in ways you never expected. And when the caring becomes love, the whole world changes around you in the best ways.
Okay, there was plenty of bad to muddy the path, but it was mostly of the good. And just about all that good was Faith. Without her beside me, and with me, things could have gone very differently.
Right now, I’m happier than I’ve ever been, happier than I thought possible, because everything’s how it was meant to be. Back then… I wouldn’t say I was clueless. The clues were there. I knew something was happening to me, I just didn’t know what. Sometimes, I’m just that dumb.
I’ll try and tell it the way it happened, and how I remember it. This is all about me and Faith, and how I fell for her, and what happened after.
-------------------------------
I sighed, not for the first time that evening.
“Y’know, that face won’t be so pretty with my fist in it.”
“Still better than your butt with my foot in it.”
“Is there another way to shut you up?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think you’re ready for that, B.”
I grunted. “I’ll bet it involves tongues though. And your mouth would still be moving.”
“Aww, and here’s me thinkin’ you hang on every word that comes out of it,” said Faith.
She was trying to look offended, but the smile ruined it. That’s okay, because it was the smile I was hoping for. It really did light up her face, and each day I was seeing more of them.
Me, I was trying to look exasperated. That was a failure too because I was actually enjoying myself, and she could see right through it. I was happy just hearing her talk. That voice of hers is all smooth and smoky, and with that little raspy edge, it’s easy to listen to. And I have to admit, she was fun to be with.
After sunset we’d walked from her motel room to Shady Hill, and that’s when I got hit with the latest tale of her slaying days in Boston.
That night’s was about “this rabbi who got cornered by a Deadite demon behind Whitey’s bar on West Broadway. So I jumped on his back and strangled him with his own tail. The demon, not the rabbi. Then – ”
I’d swear she spent most of her waking hours dreaming them up. I really didn’t care. There was something about Faith that made me feel more alive when I was with her. More at ease with myself too, like there’d been something missing before. Something important.
Still… although I was glad of the company, and that smooth voice, this latest fish story was stretching it. She was mining the movies now.
“Ahem,” I said (or something like it). “A Deadite huh? I’ve seen Evil Dead. The funnier second one anyway. Deadites are made-uppy things from that, wise guy. And that one the other night? The Graboids in the old church? They’re the ginormous sandworms from Tremors. You got many deserts in Massachusetts?”
Faith chuckled, and shoulder-nudged me. “It’s a pleasure screwing with you, B.”
I ignored the obvious innuendo (they were like second nature for her), nudged her in return, and we wandered on happily through the cemetery, leaving the path for the shadows among hedges, trees and graves.
It hadn’t always been this easy between us. By that night it was just over three weeks since she’d come to Sunnydale, and those first couple of days were kinda tense. Actually, if I’m honest the tension was mostly in me.
I mean, in sweeps this new girl all cleavage-y and gorgeous and with those dark eyes that just draw you in, and dammit she clicks right away with my mom and my friends, and she can do everything I can, and she has fun doing it. More fun than me anyway. And there’s me thinking she’s trying to steal my life. But I know better now.
She just wanted to share it. I got thrown when it turned out I was more than okay with that.
I hadn’t been home that long after my self-imposed exile in LA, and I was still pretty raw. Having to kill the thing that used to be your boyfriend and send him to hell to save the world does that to a girl. Then all my friends and my mom dogpiled me for running away.
It would’ve been so easy to have curled into a ball or headed for the hills. The temptation was there.
But at least LA reignited the Slayer in me, and the dogpile party helped shake me out of my funk. It’s just a pity – and a touch ironic – that it also took slaver demons and a bunch of gatecrashing zombies to make me dig deep and grow up before I spiralled.
When Faith burst onto the scene fast and loose with her boobs and her stories and her hotness, Angel was still my sore point, though in some ways he shouldn’t have been. I’d lost the man I thought I loved months before then, and got a monster in his place. All the tears and sixty seconds of soul hadn’t been enough to keep him out of Acathla’s hell.
I’d already begun laying the past to rest, so I thought, starting with burying the ring he’d given me, and unburdening myself to Giles and the others about how Willow’s spell had worked at the last second, but too late to save him. I’d done what I had to do, and it was a new day.
So there was me trying to get back to what passes for normal around here, and then suddenly there’s Faith.
Yes, she was a bit crass with how she brought up the whole Angel thing. I don’t think tact had ever been in her vocabulary before. And she got in my face.
But she was right. I wasn’t dealing. I knew I needed to handle it better, so that’s what I resolved to do. He was gone and never coming back, and I wanted to live.
And of course she had her own damage.
A little of that got healed when we killed the vampire Kakistos together, although I knew there was more I couldn’t see, under the skin. Once she’d stopped shaking, some of the weight lifted off of her. Not all, by any means. But the defensiveness started to leach away. Mine too. Basically, I got over myself.
Time for us both to stop being poop-heads.
And somehow, by that night after Homecoming, I’d found myself with not only a slaying partner who was my equal in every way, but someone I could call a friend. Sometimes she was very friendly.
“Hey B, anyone tell you your ass looks good in the moonlight?”
See what I mean?
“Well your boot’s not in it yet, so that’s a plus.”
“I’m serious. Those shiny pants? Hittin’ all the curves, girlfriend.”
Sometimes I wondered about her. Especially over the past week or so. She was… different. Friendliness was starting to border on flirtiness.
More and more, her sexy talk and wisecracks seemed to be aimed in my direction. No doubt she still had a locker-full for others, but I was getting my share and then some.
She’d always been more overtly sexual than me, and I was certain she was all about the guys. Fairly certain. But maybe when there weren’t any in range her motor still ran hot and she saw me as fair game. Color me surprised to discover that I really didn’t mind.
On occasion, the friskiness was even catching. With Faith it was easy. And it was fun.
We’d been patrolling together most days of those three weeks. For me, patrols used to be just something that had to be done. It was the job, and sometimes it felt like a grind. She needled me about it, but just having her beside me made it better, and by then I actually looked forward to our almost-nightly walks in the dark. Truthfully, I suppose I looked forward most to seeing her.
For some reason I couldn’t quite pin down I felt a kind of warm glow whenever she was there. And there was a tightness inside that eased when I saw her, like I could finally breathe again.
As for her there were still mysteries, but Faith seemed to be more thoughtful, less closed-off. Bit by bit her shields were falling. She’d begun to soften, like the hard edges were being worn away. She still had issues – who hasn’t? – but things had gotten good between us.
I like to think I had a hand in that. The more I opened up, so did she.
I had to swallow the lingering hurt, but I told her everything about me and Angel (well, most of it), and the afterward with Angelus, and she understood me better. I swore to myself that I was going to be straight with her about everything from now on, and I let her into my life a long, long way.
From the little I knew, only her first Watcher had ever really cared about her – and even that ended badly. She definitely had problems with trusting people, guys most of all. But I really wanted her to trust me.
Since that first dinner with my mom I’d taken her home plenty more times, and not just for a meal. We hung out, watching TV in my room, gabbing with Mom, practicing moves in the backyard, that kind of thing. Mom was cool with it all, and for once didn’t ask too many questions, mainly because I warned her off the prying. Faith would tell us what she wanted to in her own good time, I said. Of course, I didn’t always follow my own advice on that front.
I made sure Giles included her in everything too. She had to know he was just as much her Watcher as mine, and she was always happy to go see him at the library, usually so long as I was there as well. And we’d often sparred there. But she sometimes shied away from full Scooby meetings, and really didn’t see the point of reporting in after every patrol.
Can’t say she was wrong about that, I skipped it too on occasion. It was way more fun with just the two of us, talking moves and tactics long into the night.
We’d been to Giles’s place a lot. One time we spent the day together at his apartment after it had been broken into, helping him put it to rights. Not what you’d call a thrill-a-minute adventure ride, but me and Faith had fun. Sometimes you can bond over the lamest things.
Oh, and at the start of her second week here she had guard duty over Oz (he’s a werewolf if you didn’t know) in the library book cage. I went in to give her a break, but she stayed with me the whole night. We tired ourselves out with the talking and laughing, mostly about Giles and Marge – that was her first Watcher – and ended up falling asleep on each other’s shoulder. It was really nice.
Early on, we patrolled a few times with Xander, Willow and Oz, although she mostly stuck to my side. And twice I walked her around the town, giving her a tour of hot spots and demon haunts.
We’d hang out at the Bronze, and grab burgers together after a good patrol, and I’d been to her motel room enough times that the sleazy manager talked about charging me rent.
On those rare days I didn’t see her – and quite a few when I did – we talked on the phone. I guessed she didn’t have a heap of money so I was mostly the one who called. Anything so that she didn’t feel alone and isolated. Underneath all that fragile self-confidence, I sensed she was crying out to just belong.
School got in the way of course, but I was trying my damnedest to make sure she knew she was welcome here, and wanted.
I might have been trying a mite too hard, because a certain witchy nose was in danger of getting a little bent out of shape. Glances and frowns and the occasional muttering told me Willow was miffed, thinking she was being edged out. For a while anyway. She’d mellowed by now though, pretty much. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t see Will almost every day. She was still my best friend.
And that left me asking just what Faith was to me, or what she was becoming. I didn’t have a word for it yet. That was going to take a while, as you’ll hear – although this was the night that my subconscious maybe started working it out.
“This place is dead,” she said, slapping the side of the fifteenth tomb that we’d passed.
“Zero points for originality. One for delivery. And that’s a sympathy vote because I like you.”
“No joke, B, it’s deader than disco. Where’s the action?”
“Yeah, Shady Hill’s too close to the center of town,” I said. “The vamps are shy in these here parts. You wanna hustle through and move on?”
“I’m thirstin’ for a kill, but what the hell. I’m tryin’ to be a good Slayer, and good Slayers don’t get itchy feet just ‘cos it’s quiet out. Like the man says, never count on what you can’t see. Listen hard, look twice, slay once. See, I’m learning.”
She really was changing. That was Giles talk. I usually tuned out when he started imparting wisdom.
There was a definite hint of approval (and maybe a touch of pride) in the sideways grin I threw her, watching her toss a stake from hand to hand, eager for a tussle with a vamp or three. Although given how she kept on talking, I’m really not sure her mind was entirely on the job.
“I tell you about the stripper chick I saved from the two-headed cobra demon out by Fenway Park?”
“Twice.”
“Shoot. Gotta get more creative. Did I mention she got bit and I had to suck the poison out of her ass? Both cheeks?”
“You missed that part. And yuck.”
“Just sayin’, princess. You ever get bit like that, I’m standing by.”
“I’ll bet. You specialize in the ass? What if I get bit somewhere… else?”
“These lips’ll go wherever they’re needed, B. Just say the word.”
The way her voice went low and velvety, the spark in her eyes… a hot flush crept up my neck, while something somewhere inside fluttered and got very very warm. She kept doing that to me.
And it was at those times that my certainty about her being only for the guys took a hit.
The old stiff, tightly-wound Buffy was already loosening up a little, and that was totally because of Faith. But the idea that she might want more than being a really friendly friend… well, it should still have thoroughly wigged me out. Should have.
The thing is – and there’s no chance I’d have admitted it – maybe even then some part of me was imagining what those lips would feel like on… some part of me.
But right then, no way was I letting the conversation go further down that route. That way lay sweaty palms, doubt and madness, or so I told myself. I took the nearest off-ramp.
“When you got here,” I said, “you’d been a Slayer for what, five months?”
“Sounds about right.”
“That’s how long since Kendra died. If even half your stories were true, you’ve been busier than Walmart on Black Friday.”
“What can I say? I’ve been around. ‘Sides, how about all that bullcrap you’ve been feeding me? Demon robots. Mummies. Egg monsters. More vamps than you can shake a stake at. What’s with that?”
“First off, that’s three years of slaying and nearly two years’ worth of Hellmouth. Second, that’s just the frosting. There’s still a big chunk of cake to get through. And third, every word of my bullcrap is true. You’re over-cooking yours.”
“Seriously?” she laughed. “Yeah, okay, I maybe push it too far on occasion. I’ll rein it in. For you anyway.”
The stake went in a pocket as she sat herself down on a stone bench and rested back on her hands.
“I s’pose I’ve always had to make my own entertainment. Then I met you and your pals and got myself an audience for the first time. It’s fun, but I’ll keep it for the others. From now on, for you it’s just the facts, ma’am.”
“Thanks,” I said, spotting an opening. “So come on. The Baptists on the bus? The vamps and the cops and the bare-naked slayage?”
“Well… sometimes there’s a nugget of truth in there. It was my first week with Marge. We were staying in a motel off I-93. You hear a scream at night in Boston, you don’t go rushin’ out stark nude. It was shirt and shorts, and… there weren’t any cops. Just one vamp gettin’ hit by the bus, and I dusted him without anyone seeing. So… ”
“I do not believe the alligator rasslin’. You said some ‘big daddy vampire out of Missouri’ kept them as pets, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Did you know the only ‘gators in Missouri have to be kept in zoos, because they can’t survive the cold winters? Willow looked them up on the Net. Aha!”
“Dunno, maybe he kept them in a heated pool or something.” That broke out the dimples in her cheeks.
“Which he then schlepped over a thousand miles to Boston just so you could wrestle one. Uh-huh, okay, suuure.”
“You got me. My life has been ‘gator-free. So far anyway. Who knows what’s round the corner in Sunny D?”
I debated for a minute, then decided to risk plunging into the not-so-funny, hoping I wasn’t about to hit a nerve.
“Serious note. That was Kakistos, wasn’t it?” I asked as gently as I could. “The big daddy vampire? If anyone fit the description, he did. I saw that look you got, that first night in the Bronze. When you said you never had more trouble than that damn vamp. Had to be the same guy. You were thinking of what he did to your Watcher. There’s no way alligator wrestling trumps that.”
I thought I’d struck that nerve when she went quiet, staring at the grass with hands rubbing at her knees.
“Yeah,” she said at last, breathing out hard. “That was him. It twisted me up inside for a while. You saw me, that first patrol we did. Got a little crazy there, whalin’ on vamps like they broke my best toys. Not that I ever had toys.”
“Hey. We sliced his bacon, didn’t we?” I said, joining her on the bench. “We worked together and he’s dust. That’s… that’s the real reason you came here, isn’t it? So I could have your back if he tracked you down. Well it worked. You got payback… and I got a new partner. It’s all good now.”
There was something in Faith’s look at me that said it wasn’t all good for her yet. Her Watcher’s death was still haunting her. But there was more than that.
“Yeah, but… I got all up in your face. About Angel, I mean... and other things. Didn’t have the full skinny then, and I was an ass. There’s been too many bastards and bitches and losers in my life. I thought you were gonna be just another of those bitches. I was wrong, and… I’m sorry.”
Wow. She’d said it for the first time. The ‘S‘ word. And I realized I hadn’t said it before either.
Even after all these weeks, we’d only kind of apologized to each other, probably a half-dozen times, but without the actual word. It was always like:
“Okay, you weren’t entirely wrong about… ”
or “Maybe what I should have said was… ”
or “Sometimes I’m just full of crap.”
That was both of us. We were good at dancing around stuff. Now it was out, I couldn’t let her be the only one.
“Forget it,” I said. “I shouldn’t have shut you out. I was being all defensive and avoid-y and, well, jealous. I’m sorry for being an ass too. And I was being a bitch. Now we’re friends, and you’re helping my tightly wound-ness to unwind. What more could I want?”
We both smiled then, knowing that we’d cleared more of the air between us. Faith, of course, had to push that bit further.
“Friends, huh? Are we bestest buds yet? When do we get to the nail painting and sleepovers? Gotta tell you, I do mostly sleep stark nude.”
“Thanks for the warning. I mean it though, this, with you and me” – I was waggling a finger back and forth between us – “this is good. Another friend is always of the good. And a friend who can share what it means to be a Slayer, and watch your back, and stand with you? I say again, what more could I want?”
One side of her mouth twitched, as if she’d thought of that something more.
“But… I’m still trying to figure you out,” I said. “There’s more in you than you let anyone see, and there’s a lot about you that needs to be understood. And sometimes – heck, most of the time – I get weird vibes off of you I can’t read. Something I just can’t put my finger on.”
Faith snorted.
“And if you tell me just what I can put my finger on,” I warned, trying to head off one of her smut-bombs, “I’ll deck you!”
I stood up, held out my hand for her, and pulled her to her feet.
“Come on. Another night, another graveyard. Miles to go before we sleep.”
“And what fiends in yonder shadows creep?” Faith added, throwing me a curveball.
“Hey that was cool! What’s that from?”
She gave me a patient stare, before grabbing my shoulders and turning me one-eighty.
“From me. And I’m talkin’ about those fiends in those shadows.”
She pointed off to the right and a couple hundred feet away through the trees, where we could see two darker figures shuffling about in the gloom beside a large mausoleum.
“One each?” I whispered.
“You betcha, partner,” she replied, beaming at the prospect of slayage.
And just as we split up to circle round opposite sides of the mausoleum, she smacked me smartly on the left butt cheek.
That made me pause for a few seconds, blinking hard in surprise. Being slapped on the tush isn’t exactly one of my favorite things. But this time, couldn’t have explained why, there was definitely an extra bounce in my stride as I raced off through the bushes.
As we ran we both looked across, and a flash of gleaming teeth told me she was grinning, just like me. I’m not so much with the turn of phrase, but it’s kinda like the urge to slay just sings through us at moments like these. And being able to slay with Faith was the cherry on top. It’s what she lived for. Even if it still felt like more of a job for me, I had a feeling that was going to change, because of her.
Getting closer to the crypt, we slowed to see just who or what we were up against. It turned out to be a pair of freshly-risen vampires, with clothes and hair covered in dirt. They seemed unsure what to do, apparently sniffing about for their first scent of blood. As we sprang out beside them, they instantly broke into their game faces.
“Hey guys!” I called. “It’s your lucky night! Two – ”
But before I could finish my line, the nearest vamp leapt at me with a roar – and instantly impaled himself on the stake I was holding out in front of me.
“Well, that was just disappointing,” I grumbled as the dust cleared.
Faith’s opponent was less of a dummy, and tougher. She blocked a swing with her left arm, then spun round and backhanded his jaw, but he was on her again quickly with a belly punch. As they traded blows, I decided to slip the stake back into my boot and lean against the tomb.
I liked watching Faith in battle, and still do. Back then she was kind of scrappy and fierce, a natural fighter, raw, but smooth with it. And really easy on the eye. She was taking her time with this one, gracefully dodging most of his attacks, but landing a host of kicks and punches on his undeadness.
When she grabbed him by one arm and whirled him face-first into a tree, I just couldn’t stop myself letting out a little “Woo-hoo!”
Finally staking him, she swaggered over through the dust. “That was a breeze,” she said, high-fiving me. “Too bad you got the brainless one.”
“Ever get the feeling vamps are actually getting dumber? And there’s hardly any chance at witty repartee nowadays. I was just about to hit them with ‘Two Slayers, No Waiting’.”
She gave me a look. “What?” I said with a huff. “It’s a classic. Okay, next time you come up with the cheese. It’s not easy, y’know.”
“You just have to try and talk ‘em to death first, dontcha?”
“It’s called people skills, Faith. I know vamps aren’t technically people, but anyway. Like my mom says for when she’s at the gallery, ‘engage, involve, empathize.’ Then oversell the goods and grab the cash. Or in our case, slay with extreme prejudice. You’re very personable, but maybe you should consider adding to your skill-set.”
“Oh, I’ve got mad skills that’ll knock your boots off, Buffy. Maybe you’ll find out… someday.”
With that, Faith gave me a small smirk and a wink as she ambled off.
Two things I’d been noticing lately about Faith. Well, two among many. One was the sexy cracks coming my way, like I’ve said. The other was that she usually only called me by my proper name when it mattered to her, or when she wanted it to matter to me. Not that I mind being called ‘B’ at all. It was annoying at first, but I actually find it cute now, and it’s unique to Faith. I don’t want anyone else calling me that.
“C’mon, B,” she said as I caught up to her, “let’s see if we can find any more fresh meat to pound.”
I left that one hanging.
We were both disappointed to reach the far side of Shady Hill with no sign of any more bad guys. Choosing to skirt the brightly lit streets around Maple Court, we headed down the back alleys, making our way to Restfield. All the while we were scanning about for anything lurking.
It was just as we passed the rear of the bank that I said “Doh!” to myself and winced, because I’d forgotten something important.
“Uhhh, by the way, sorry about that whole Homecoming mess last night. Didn’t really get a chance to talk after we finally got there. A long hot shower with my name on it was calling.”
“Yeah, thought you’d blown me off there for a while,” Faith said. “Still don’t know all the deets. What the frick happened out there?”
“Well, you see there were these vampires, a spiny-headed kinda demon, and a couple of sharpshooters – ”
“And they walked into a bar – ”
“Will you let me finish? We got hunted in Millers Woods, something they called SlayerFest ‘98. Me and Cordelia barely got out of some old cabin before it went all explode-y. Then there was this guy with bear-traps, a shoot-out in the school, and vamps in the library. Like Die Hard with fangs.”
“Wow, they really go all-out for Homecoming in this town, huh?”
“They all ended up dead, or they bailed. But it was supposed to be me and you, Faith. They thought Cordy was you! And it would have been if you and the gang hadn’t switched things around.”
“Not my idea. Wish it had been me. We woulda kicked their asses double-quick.”
“We would. Again, sorry.”
“S’okay. No big,” she shrugged. “Scored a few drinks. Danced a little. Got drooled on by some frat guy. Just a party.”
It was hard to tell in that dark alley, but I thought she looked a little down, maybe even slightly hurt. When she’d suggested we go to the dance together, I was a bit coy about it for a few seconds. I mean, it almost sounded like she was asking me on a date. Almost. And honestly, I’m still amazed how quickly I said yes. Then I stood her up. Not my fault, but still. So I tried to smooth things over a bit.
“I only saw you for a minute, but… your dress was nice. The boots were a surprise, but the Gothy look works for you.”
“Thanks. Me and dresses, though… pffft. Not exactly my style. But that red number on you? Smokin’, girlfriend. That crown shoulda been yours.”
“Doubtful,” I grouched. “Mud, leaves and itty bits of blowed-up demon. The perfect accessories.”
“Still smokin’. That dirtbag Scott doesn’t know what he’s missing.” That made me feel good, especially coming from her.
“Oh. Yeah. Xander said I needed to thank you? Something about Scott?”
“Huh, yeah that,” Faith snickered. “The little weasel was slow-dancing all snuggly with some chick, and I may have given her the idea that me and Scott had done the dirty, and now we’ve got a case of the old crotch rot.”
I couldn’t help laughing. “Oh my God. Wish I could have seen that. Thank you. Gross, but very sweet.”
“Gotta look out for my partner. Us Slayer chicas gotta stick together, B. Just you and me in the good fight.”
“Urk!” I grunted, when Faith grabbed me and squished me against her side.
We emerged from the alleys onto Broadway, then wandered on along Front Street. No more than a block or two ahead we could see the wall and the tree-line of Restfield Cemetery. We were quiet for a while, but the silence was still friendly.
“So… was the night a total bust?” I asked at last. “Find yourself a stud to um, use and discard?”
Faith frowned. “Nah. Wasn’t in the mood. Haven’t been for quite a stretch.”
Now that did surprise me. “So why’d you suggest we do that in the first place?”
“Had to think fast, to get you to go with me. It seemed like you were gonna say no.”
“I’d rather have been with you than Cordy, any day.”
I was pleased to see that got a smile out of her, but I wasn’t going to let go of the subject.
“So even after a good slaying you don’t...? What happened to all that hungry and… Oh! There’s holes in my brain!”
I felt into my inside jacket pocket, and took out the four candy bars I’d brought along and forgotten.
“We’ve got oats and honey granola, Snickers, an Almond Joy, and a Hershey Bar. Take your pick.”
We came to a halt, and she eyed me oddly.
“What, you’re my own personal vending machine now?”
I shuffled my feet a little. “It’s just, well, I know how you can get after a fight. I thought, since I can’t, y’know, help you with the… other thing, maybe I can be snack provider. Take the edge off the munchies for you.”
She gave me a look that was unusually soft for her, then reached out and sort of cupped the left side of my face. I couldn’t help leaning into it, even more so when her thumb stroked my cheek. That and her next words made me melt a little inside.
“Man, you can be a dork, y’know that, B? But… a dork that’s kinda adorable. Huh. Now that’s a word I’ve never used before.”
The way she looked at me sometimes. Maybe there really was something more going on here. I don’t just mean her flirty uber-friendliness… I mean the way I was feeling about it.
But that can’t be right, my head kept telling me. She’s only into guys. I’m sure of it. And so am I… I think. No, she has no effect on me, none at all, nuh-uh. Oh boy.
“Put ‘em back for now,” she said. “That last fight was pretty lame. Save ‘em for something better.”
With another surprising move, she linked arms with me, and we walked on.
“You got a non-fat yogurt on you too?”
“Never going to forget that, are you?”
“No chance.”
After another few minutes we were in Restfield, and I got back to the questioning. I hesitated a bit, hoping I wasn’t pushing too hard, but something inside me needed to know.
“Look, I… realize it’s none of my business, and you can tell me to take a hike…”
“Yeah?”
“It’s just… since you got here, we’ve done a lot of slayage, mostly together, and… well… you’re rarely non-vocal about how… worked up… it gets you. Sometimes it only takes chili cheese fries, but… are you saying you haven’t uh… hooked up with anyone since you arrived?”
Faith was quiet for a while, and I began to think I shouldn’t have asked. She unhooked arms, shoved her hands in her back pockets, and stared at the sky. She looked… pensive is the word, but she finally answered.
“If you really want to know, it’s been a lot longer than that.”
She took a deep breath before carrying on. “See, my Watcher… she was a tough lady. Kind in her own way, and she looked out for me. Gave me a purpose. But she kept me on a pretty tight leash. Giles is a big ol’ breeze compared to her.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Like I’ve told you, she was older too. Closer to sixty than fifty. I didn’t get too many chances to go out and get wild. We were only together a few months before she… died. And then I was on the run, trying to get here. Mostly bus, hopped a freight train or two, and thumbin’ a ride. Some of the skeezy assholes who stopped tried it on, but I just busted their heads and took off.”
She was kicking at the grass with a heel.
“And… since I met you… I mean, since I got here, well, I still get jazzed after a rumble, sure. But boinking some random guy… I don’t think that’s the answer anymore. If it ever was. Truth is, I talk a good game, but I’m no dog in heat, B. I’m in control.”
As usual, she didn’t stay serious for long. “And hey, if food don’t cut it… there’s always girls’ night in, right? Flickin’ the bean? Buffin’ the muffin?”
Even I didn’t need the hand sliding down her crotch and the waggle of eyebrows to know what she meant. And yes, I blushed. But it was too dark for her to see that.
“So, no guys then,” I summed up, as we turned and walked on among the graves.
“Nope. And in case you were thinking it, no girls either.”
Even though it had crossed my mind, I wouldn’t have been brave enough to ask.
It was clear to me now that a fair chunk of what Faith told people about her past, and about her sex life, was just bluster. Putting on a front. And I know now she did it to cover up a kind of emptiness. She was lonely. Like me. Being a Slayer is a lonely game. At least it used to be.
Yes, I had a few good friends, and a home, and my Watcher was still alive. But it didn’t always stop me from feeling alone, out there in the monster-filled night. Faith didn’t have all that – and I wanted her to.
Now she has me, and I have her. If fate’s kind to us, we’ll never be alone again.
Up to then I’d been asking all the questions, but I knew that wouldn’t last. I might have tensed up a bit, expecting her to quiz me some more about Angel. I would have answered, but it didn’t go that way after all.
“What about you? Got your sights on a new guy?”
“Yeah right,” I grumped. “Scott was supposed to be the new guy. But you know how that went. I was just hoping for someone nice and normal for once.”
“Yeah, that scuzzbag’s cute, but he’s a wiener. And screw normal. That’s something neither of us is ever gonna have. You need someone strong and ballsy, someone who gets you, and gets the whole Slayer deal.”
“And where, Wise Master Yoda, do I find someone like that?”
“Just got to look in the right direction, Buffy.”
When she said that she was close behind me, and I could feel her hot breath on the back of my neck.
But I was busy focussing on a clump of trees ahead, thinking I could hear voices. By then the quarter moon had lifted above the branches, and was lighting up the graveyard a little too much for my liking. Luckily I’d taken a leaf out of Faith’s book, and we were both in darker gear that night. I was edging slowly forward when that husky voice of hers stopped me.
“Maybe I should have taken that candy. I’m in the mood after all.”
“Hush, you!” I hissed, slapping a finger onto her lips.
She was opening her mouth for another crack when I definitely heard something and had to grab her arm, pulling her down behind a large gravestone. She ended up almost on top of me, with her face buried in my hair.
“Oh, wanna get rough, huh? I’m okay with that.”
“Behave!” I said and wiggled her off, but didn’t use much force. “I heard voices, over that way. We’re getting near the crypt-heavy part of this place, and you know that’s where all the nasties like to hang out.”
I nodded toward the trees. Beyond them were the Law and Alpert mausoleums, face to face across the grass, and the much bigger Hawley tomb a little further back.
“Remember, that’s where we cornered those Broccoli demons last week.”
“Yeah,” said Faith. “Toothy little bastards. And I’m minded that Giles called them the Brekolar.”
“Since when did you start listening to Giles?”
“Since you stopped. Somebody’s gotta pay attention.”
I humphed at her. “Watcher’s pet. Come on, let’s get closer. And I don’t mean storm in swinging mad like a moron. Be a stealthy Slayer for once, okay?”
I jabbed my finger at her as a warning. She could be reckless, and I’d seen her barrel in without a thought before.
“I like it when you take charge, B,” she purred. I rolled my eyes, and we both moved toward the tombs, trying to keep low and silent.
As we crept up on the crypts, we found the source of the voices. Crouching behind this sort of chunky monumental headstone framed by bushes, about thirty feet away we could see a gathering of four vampires, all guys, in front of the Alpert tomb. They were already showing craggy faces and fangs. Most of the talking was being done by a thin vamp in a raggedy two-piece suit, with a hard-to-hear creaky voice. We hunkered below the stone, listening without sticking our heads up.
Our ears burned when one word came over loud and clear, the word ‘Slayers.’
It didn’t seem like he was a fan. Hard to make out the rest. Slayers really don’t have much better hearing than other people. It sounded like something was happening soon. Something about a tribute, and a trick of some kind.
Faith, who had an ear closer to the side of the headstone than me, thought she’d heard the word ‘mayor,’ but she was iffy about it.
After a minute or so what had been a low drone got real quiet, and I could tell Faith was getting restless.
I knew she wanted to hurl herself at them… and I kinda did too. Her wildness could be contagious like that. But even if I’d wanted to come up with a plan first, I didn’t get the chance.
“Couldn’t you girls find a better make-out spot?”
Oops. We looked up, and saw Creaky Voice peering down at us over the top of the headstone.
The other three had fanned out around us, sporting evil leers. But me and Faith, we clicked in a tick and knew instinctively what to do. I sprang upright and gave the thin vamp my best uppercut, while Faith braced her back against the gravestone, jack-knifed her legs forward and drove her heavy boots into the knees of the one in front of her, who fell like a tree.
I side-rolled over the stone to take out my opponent’s legs, and found myself shouting “Dammit you grinch! We hadn’t even got to the make-out yet!”
Yeah, as if. And I drove my fist into the back of his neck as he fell.
“Now you’re just teasin’ me, Blondie!” yelled Faith who was kicking a vamp’s face, and continuing the spin to plant her foot in another one’s gut.
“Yeah, but you like it!” I replied, hoisting up Creaky Voice by his arm and smacking him into the side of the Alpert crypt.
“I’m thinkin’ you like it too.” As she said it, Faith dusted one, and turned to tackle the others.
“Why don’t you two just get a room?” one of them snarled.
I was enjoying the back and forth between us, but it’s gross when the demons join in.
Faith was being a badass, blocking everything he threw at her. She followed up a kick to the side of his leg with a spinning back fist. But it was a boot to the nards that doubled him over and gave her the opening. As he poofed, I was still tussling with Creaky Voice, who was being slippery. He got his bony arms round my neck from behind, so I pushed off with my feet, twisted in mid-air, and sent him spinning.
That’s when we both got our first good closeup of Faith’s last contender. He’d hung back from the fighting, obviously thinking his size meant he’d be the last one standing. He stood there like a four-hundred-pound side of solid beef, and boy was his undead mug gruesome.
“Whoa,” said Faith, eyeing him up and down. “You’re so ugly, I bet when you were born the doctor slapped your sire.”
“Good one!” I shouted across, as Creaky Voice came at me again.
“Alrighty big boy, let’s see what you got,” said Faith, launching her boots into his gut, but just bouncing off. “Huh. Okay then.”
Using the top of a tombstone as a springboard, she thundered a crescent kick at his jaw. His head snapped around, but it didn’t seem to faze him that much. He used his massive arms to check all her blows, and I began to wonder what it would take to bring him down. One of those arms knocked her off balance, his follow-up fist driving her into a tree where the bark tore a gash in her forehead.
“Faith!” I cried, seeing blood run down her cheek.
I needed to deal with my guy ASAP and help her. We were a team, dammit, and I wasn’t going to lose her to some freaky zoo reject. Dodging a knee strike from the skinny vamp, I caught a sharp elbow in the kisser. As I fell back, I gave him a vicious side kick to the chest – and saw the stake in my boot fly off into the bushes. Rats.
Oh well. I wasn’t going to slay him right off anyway, since we needed info. I caught a glimpse of Faith being pummeled again, so I hammered Creaky Voice to the ground, then grabbed him by the collar and belt, and slid him face down across the grass hard as I could, slamming his skull against the stone base of some urn thingy. I made sure he was out cold, then sprinted round to get behind Big Boy.
He was dangling Faith by her hair when my dropkick crashed into the back of his knees. He crumpled, letting her scramble away while I pounded his head with elbows and fists. But he lumbered to his feet again, baring fangs at us. Lucky for us he was slow, and didn’t seem much of a thinker.
“You okay?” I asked Faith.
“Five by five, B,” she answered, wiping the back of a hand across her mouth. She looked magnificent. Bloody and battered, but still defiant.
“How do you want to do this? Mr. Undead Universe here don’t say much, but I don’t think he’s goin’ quietly.”
I began to circle him cautiously, and Faith quickly followed my lead. She took out her stake, then noticed I hadn’t done the same.
“B?” she queried, waggling the spike at me.
“Lost it.”
“Crap. Guess it’s the hard way then.”
“On three,” I said, knowing exactly what would happen.
“Three!” Faith hollered.
At the same time, I snap-kicked my boot into the guy’s crotch from behind while Faith drove a two-footed jump kick at his head. He staggered, but only went down when we both roundhoused him together.
We piled onto him with fists flying, and thudded our knees over and over into his groin. She used the thick end of her stake to mash his nose and knock out a fang. He roared, trying to hurl us off, but I tapped into Faith’s fury and kept mauling him without mercy, always aiming for the softer parts.
It was only when he rolled over to protect himself – and at the same time throw me away from him – that Faith saw her chance and used all her strength to plunge her stake into his back.
“Nothing to it,” she said, beaming at me as we hauled ourselves up through an extra-thick cloud of settling dust and brushed each other down.
“Piece of cake,” I agreed. “A big fat slice and too many carbs. But there’s still one more to go, if he hasn’t bailed.”
We walked over to the urn thingy, where Creaky Voice was just getting up, unsteady on his feet and blood streaking his face. He was still dazed when I flipped him over onto his back, and sat astride him.
“May I?” I asked, holding out a hand for Faith’s stake.
I pressed the pointy end hard against the vampire’s chest, and glared at him.
“You and your pals. What were you out here for tonight? What were you gassing about?”
“Slayer,” he croaked. Then his scowl flickered to Faith. “And the other one. The sidekick.”
She glowered at him. “Hey Gonzo, I’m nobody’s sidekick. Watch your mouth.”
“It won’t matter to you in a minute,” I told him, “but she’s right. She’s as much the Slayer as I am. Maybe more. And she might just rip out your tongue before I dust you. Now spill it. What’s this talk of a tribute, and what’s this trick you were yakking about?”
“You have no idea what’s coming, girl,” he spat. “SlayerFest was just a stupid sideshow. There’s bigger things ahead. We’ll eat you all!”
I socked him with my left, and put more pressure on the stake. “Tell me! What’s coming?”
He wriggled and bucked, trying to throw me off, but I just hit him again. “Talk!”
“B, forget it,” said Faith. “He won’t give us anything. But you keep straddling him like that, you’re gonna give him a happy.”
I couldn’t help myself and flashed her a wink. “Let’s face it, he’s already a stiff.”
I got a throaty laugh for that. “Now you’re gettin’ it, girlfriend.”
“Bye-bye dead guy,” I said, and used both hands to thrust the spike into his heart.
I stood up and brushed the dust from my jeans. “All in a night’s work,” I said, groaning and stretching, then passed the stake back to Faith.
“Come on you, I want to take a gander at that head. Didn’t see any brains splattered on the tree that got you, but you never know.”
We sat on the low step at the entrance to the Law mausoleum, which fronted east into the moonlight. Faith set herself on my right and stretched her legs out in front of her. I tipped her chin toward me and peered at the wound across her left temple.
“Hmm, no, looks clean enough. No shards of tree in it, should heal up nicely in a day or two.”
Knowing the scrapes we got into, I’d started carrying a small pack of sterile wipes around with me. I used one to get the blood off her, and another to gently swab the cut.
“No concussion, blurry vision? How many fingers am I holding up?”
“None, you mook,” Faith chuckled.
“Good, good, you’re not seeing things then.” We both had bruises, but they’d likely all be gone by the next night.
“So… am I still pretty?”
“What?” With that sultry gaze of hers suddenly focussed on me I was confused for a moment.
“Earlier. You said you didn’t want to have to put your fist through my pretty face. Thanks for that by the way. Those baby-girl hands of yours pack a punch.”
I decided to play dumb. “Did I say that? Huh. Weird.”
“Yeah, but pretty’s for stars and flowers and… Christmas lights.”
“You’re just fishing now, aren’t you?” I said, folding my arms. “Come on, say what you want to hear.”
“How about hot?”
“We both know you’re hot. Why the need to hear it from me?”
“If someone who’s hot thinks you’re hot too, it’s always good to hear.”
“If high school’s taught me anything,” I humphed, “if it’s two girls, one of them’s usually going to be a bitch about it. Knives end up in backs.” Then it hit me. “Wait. You think I’m hot too?”
“Don’t worry, B, your back’s safe with me… and all the other way hotter parts.”
Oh boy. (Chances are I’ll be saying that a few times.)
That steamy look gave me the shivers. And I don’t mean in a bad way. What the hell was she doing to me? Then it got really weird. Suddenly her face was close to mine, and getting closer. And those had to be the bedroomiest eyes I’d ever seen.
My focus switched to those dark lips when she murmured in her lowest, throatiest tones.
“Buffy? Gimme some sugar.”
I swallowed hard. My own lips felt suddenly dry, and I swear I was breathing harder. Definitely a minor wiggins going on, but I‘m not so sure it was out of fear. I only know that when she leaned back and grinned, I felt like a punctured tire.
“I’ll take the Hershey Bar, okay?”
Damn her. “Oh. Yeah. Sugar! Sure! Comin’ right up!”
I gave a nervous laugh as I fumbled for the candy in my pocket. Fairly sure it was relief I was feeling. Or maybe something else. But nothing to be concerned about, no sir. I took the granola bar for myself. My thoughts were still in a pickle while we chewed in silence for a few minutes, with me slowly calming down. It was just Faith being Faith, after all.
“You wanna get ribs after? Maybe get down and dirty at the Bronze?”
I shook my head. “Not tonight. We need to finish this sweep, then Mom wants me home. My Aunt Arlene’s coming from Illinois. She should be there by now, and she hasn’t seen me in a few years.”
Faith seemed a little down at that, which got worse when I added “She’s staying for a couple days, so patrol’s a no-go for me tomorrow. Sorry.”
“Sure. Yeah, I get it.”
“Monday night’s on though. And hey, we should go see Giles Monday morning,” I said. “Let him know what we heard, for what it’s worth. Probably nothing, but still. We’ve got a free period before lunch, meet us in the library. I’d imagine the others might be there too.”
She looked uncertain, as she always did when I asked her to Scooby-type meetings.
“You don’t need me for that,” she said.
“Maybe not, but I want you there. You’re part of the gang now, a big part.”
She was still unconvinced, so I kept going.
“Hey, this town is yours as much as mine. If you want friends here, then you’ve got to let them be your friends. I ask, you avoid. I want you there. You heard what I said to that vamp. You’re as much the Slayer as me, if not more. Giles is starting to think so too. I shouldn’t even be here. No one knows just how it works, but we’re pretty sure the line runs through you now. If I died again, it wouldn’t matter.”
“It’d matter to me.”
“You said yourself, us Slayers need to stick together. So stick with me. If we report to Giles together, it’ll show him we’re a team. If you’re staying in Sunnydale – and you damn well better, missy – then I want you to be a part of this. Please?”
And yes, I’d caught what she’d just said, and it meant a lot.
“I’ll be there, since you asked so nicely. Unless I get a better offer.”
“Shut up. I don’t get to see much of you in the daytime. Not on school days, anyway. And I want to.”
“Yeah? Cool.”
Faith got up, and held out her right hand to me.
“Let’s roll then,” she said. “Still got a ways to go to get you home for the fam.”
I gave her my left, and when she’d hauled me up, I assumed she’d let go. But she didn’t. Instead, she slipped her fingers through mine and just smiled at me.
“Okay?” she asked, lifting her eyebrows.
Huh. That was new. Unexpected. And not at all unpleasant. So I just gave her a little nod, and smiled back. I mean, it would have been rude to say no, right?
As we walked on, I felt her palm smooth and cool against my skin, and it felt natural, and normal, and kinda nice.
Girls who are friends hold hands sometimes, right? It’s what we do. Although I have to say, I hadn’t held hands like this even with Will, and we’re besties.
Locking fingers with Faith – who, after all, I’d known for less than a month – felt different somehow, and it was a good different. Every so often she glided her thumb over my knuckles, and something inside me quivered a little.
Like I said earlier, this was the night when some tiny part of my dense brain maybe, just maybe, started decoding those weird vibes I’d been getting from her. Unfortunately, it didn’t bother telling the parts that should have listened.
Eventually someone had to break the comfortable silence, and it was Faith.
“In case you weren’t keeping score, it’s four-two to me. Suck it, loser.” She was, naturally, smirking.
“Oh, you wanna get competitive, huh? Don’t I even get an assist for the gorilla?”
“Maybe. But you lose points for the knucklehead who threw himself on your stake. And that pout only gets you marks for cuteness.”
Hooray for my pout. It’s one of my best features. I was glad it worked on Faith.
As it happened, just then the last vampire of the night jumped us. Another few minutes and we would have been out of the cemetery. This one looked like a biker-slash-rock chick, in studded leathers and a dirty Twisted Sister shirt. She came at me, all stringy black hair and fingernails.
I think I hated her less for being a vamp, and more for making me let go of Faith’s hand. No stake, so I fended her off and gut-punched her a few times before spinning her round to meet the sharp end of Faith’s weapon.
“See?” I said. “It’s getting too easy. Even Big Boy didn’t give us a real workout. We need better enemies.”
“Careful what you wish for, B. Nah, I just need to help you find the fun. Whatever’s in that bottle of yours, I’m getting it uncorked if it’s the last thing I do.”
“As long as it’s not the last thing I do.”
“Just relax, short stuff. Trust me.”
It was a surprise to me but I did trust her. With my life anyway. And she’s shown me since I can trust her with a lot more than that.
This time it was me that reached out a hand, and hers that settled into mine. I didn’t even think about it. It just felt right. We stayed that way for the rest of the walk, stepped out of Restfield onto B Street, and propped our backs against the cemetery wall, still with hands clasped.
“Want me to walk you home?” she asked.
“It’s only five blocks, but thanks. I guess you need to go do whatever you, uh, need to do. You know, ribs or… whatever.”
“Yeah.”
“This is… nice,” I said, holding up our joined hands.
“Don’t go all girly on me now. Just keepin’ it warm. Don’t know how these little paws can even hold a stake.”
“Don’t forget, library, Monday, eleven-ish.”
“Just can’t wait to see me again, can you?”
She started walking away, and after a dozen steps called back: “And B? Five-two to me. See ya.”
Before I crossed the street to head home, I watched her till she was out of sight, and a familiar tightness inside – or maybe it was a yearning – kicked in. There were things going through my head that night I just couldn’t untangle. Of course, I did in the end. Maybe not as soon as you’d like. But that’s where it all started, and that’s why I’m telling this story.
As I hit Revello Drive, I only knew one thing.
Dammit, I was missing the feel of that hand already.