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Zanka —Rudo could practically hear the guy correcting him in his own head to "Professor Nijiku" (or worse, "Doctor Nijiku") but Rudo had been introduced to him as Zanka first and wasn't gonna start calling him something like "professor" now, no matter how obnoxious he was about it— was a notoriously private person.
Though only 29, he was somewhat universally considered the best teacher in the materials science department, and he could go on and on about the properties of a material, its composition, its uses, its behavior —sometimes getting so wrapped up in talking about the structures and values of different materials that it sounded almost romantic in nature— but when it came to his personal life, he clammed up so much it had become something of a running bit within the lab for everyone to go quiet and try to eavesdrop whenever Zanka had to step outside to take a personal phone call.
Even after being in his research lab for almost two years Rudo only knew 2 things about Zanka that weren't related to materials science: 1. He had a cat he spoiled rotten, and 2. He was married.
He'd learned the first fact after the second, and for an embarrassingly long time Rudo had thought "Aibo" was the name of his wife, because of the way his voice always softened when he said her name (and honestly who could blame Rudo, who the hell called their cat "lovely" that much anyways??) and had been extremely confused when he'd overheard a phone call where Zanka had told someone to remember to add her freeze dried minnows and omega 3 oil to her dinner.
He'd asked his advisor, Enjin, about it —since Enjin had been the one to push so hard for Rudo to apply to Zanka's lab in the first place, and Rudo knew Enjin had definitely put in a good word for him with Zanka, since he'd gotten accepted even after completely bombing the interview— and Enjin had burst out laughing at the question so hard there had been actual tears in his eyes.
He'd confirmed that "Aibo" was the name of Zanka's cat, an oriental mix he'd rescued a long time ago (he'd even shown Rudo a photo, and the picture had shown a strangely angular grey cat with blue eyes and large ears sitting on Zanka's chest as he laid on a couch, scratching her cheek with an absolutely dopey expression of adoration on his face) and definitely not his wife.
Enjin's voice had done something weird when he'd said the word "wife" for some reason, like that had been the funny part. But Enjin always seemed to love to say weird things that made no sense to Rudo, so he decided not to bother worrying about it.
...
It had been a pretty normal day when Rudo first met the shady guy.
Rudo had stayed late, and was the last one to leave the lab, other than Zanka himself. He'd finished the actual work he'd been assigned for the day relatively quickly, but they were testing the properties of a new synthetic polymer, and Rudo had more tests he wanted to run.
Zanka, for as strict a teacher as he was, was surprisingly lax with his lab assistants, and made it clear that as long as they'd finished their research tasks for the day and weren't interfering with anyone else's work, they could use the lab equipment to run their own tests if they wanted.
Finding better ways to recycle or break down industrial plastic waste had been the thing that led Rudo to materials science in the first place, and it was why Enjin had suggested Zanka's research lab specifically. And as much as Zanka side-eyed him and constantly chastised him to keep his work station clean, he'd seemed to quietly respect Rudo's determination to his thesis project, and more than once Rudo had noticed him watching silently over his shoulder as he worked, occasionally offering tips.
Admittedly, Rudo had learned a lot since joining, but for today at least, his tests hadn't shown anything significant, and he resigned himself to going back to the drawing board. He'd told a deeply focused Zanka he was heading out and had gotten a distracted noise of confirmation that made him roll his eyes, and then he'd grabbed his bag and gone out the door.
To his surprise, leaning against the wall opposite the lab door was someone he'd never seen before, scrolling on his phone and holding a motorcycle helmet under his arm, only looking up when the door opened.
Rudo looked him up and down quickly. Silver rings on every finger, distressed purple shirt, leather jacket, more piercings than Rudo even knew was possible on his face, and a general demeanor that just screamed "bad news."
Rudo narrowed his eyes, immediately suspicious.
"Can I help you?"
The guy grinned, and Rudo could see another piercing resting against his top teeth.
"Yeah, Zan-zan still in there?"
...The hell?
Who the hell was this guy? He didn't look like any student Rudo had seen before, and definitely wasn't a professor. The building should've been locked at this time of night too, how had he even gotten in?
"Professor Nijiku's busy right now." Rudo said flatly. It killed him a little bit to use Zanka's actual title, but whoever this guy was, he was a bit too casual with Zanka's name in a way that kinda got on his nerves. He ignored the irony of that. "I can pass on a message."
The stranger snorted.
"No need, I'll go tell him myself." The stranger said casually as he pushed himself off the wall and moved towards the door, and without thinking, Rudo shifted in front of the handle, blocking it.
The suspicious guy seemed even more amused by that, and even though his body language hadn't changed at all, hairs stood up on the back of Rudo's neck. Something deep in his gut told him this guy was dangerous.
The guy took another step forward and Rudo didn't back down, though his mind was racing with what he could actually do if this guy was a threat. He had a wrench in his bag, but he doubted he'd be able to get to it in time if the guy pulled anything out.
At Rudo's continued stubbornness, the guy just rolled his eyes.
"What, a guy can't visit his-"
The guy was cut off by the door being pulled open behind Rudo, and he turned around to see Zanka there, his eyes already locked on to the weird guy with a look Rudo had never seen before and struggled to identify.
"Jabber," Zanka said cooly, "stop harassin my lab assistant."
The guy —Jabber(?), apparently— just laughed.
"Hey, c'mon, I didn't do shit. He was the one who started it."
"Yer a grown adult, doesn't matter who 'started it.' What are ya even doin here?"
"Came to pick you up. Can't let you kill yourself working, that's my job."
Zanka's face did something weird at that, and then his eyes flitted over briefly to Rudo before returning back to the stranger and he sighed.
"...I still got shit to finish, so don't expect me to rush it. But I can wrap it up after that. You can come in, just don't touch anythin. If you fuck up the calibration on my electron microscope again I'll kill ya for real this time."
The guy gave a mock salute and moved past Rudo with a shit-eating grin. Rudo stepped out of the way as he did, still feeling too stunned and confused to do anything else. He looked at Zanka, who had a pinched expression on his face.
"So you...know him?" Rudo tried.
Zanka fidgeted with his wedding band, something that Rudo had noticed early on was an action he did near constantly. Even if he never talked about his wife, it was clear he was always thinking about her.
"He's...an associate of mine." Zanka said carefully. Whatever that meant.
"Ayo, you got Nitric acid in here? What's this for?" Came the strangers voice from inside the lab.
Rudo looked back at Zanka, concerned.
"Uh. Are you gonna be-?"
"You can go home Rudo, thank you for your work in the lab today."
Part of him still wanted to push, but even he could tell it was something Zanka didn't plan to talk about. Plus, if he didn't hurry he was gonna miss the last bus, and it was a long and cold walk back to his apartment at this time of night.
He gave Zanka a reluctant goodbye, and as he walked away he faintly heard a conversation as the lab door closed.
"Nice guard dog you got, by the way. That was cute."
"Shut the fuck up."
Huh.
...
"He definitely owes money to the mob." Cackled Remlin, trying and failing to land a tethered ball on its wooden handle. "Gotta be. Saying he's 'an associate'? That's totally mob talk, dude."
"I dunno," Rudo said, unconvinced. "He didn't look like he was in the mob."
"Well duh, if everybody in the mob dressed like they were in the Sopranos, they'd lose all the secrecy." Remlin said, and Rudo supposed they did have a point there... "Oh! Or maybe he's a hit man!"
"Ooooh, yeah!!" Guita jumped in. "Did he have a gun?"
"I don't think so? And he'd have to be a pretty shitty hit man since Zanka's still alive. Plus, they definitely knew each other."
"Maybe Zanka's a hit man too." Remlin snickered.
"Zanka's not cool enough to be a hit man. And its not like he'd need the money."
"It's not just about the money!" said Guita with stars in her eyes. "It's about the thrill! The prestige!!"
"You've been watching too many movies..." Rudo muttered, and Guita comically deflated.
"My money's still on mob." grinned Remlin. "The leather jacket and 'associate' thing seals the deal for me. Dear, how bout you? Wanna get a hand on this ball?"
Dear looked up from the study guide, partially chewed highlighter cap in mouth, and gave them all a look that Rudo roughly translated to "we're covered two out of ten units and the final is next week."
Remlin groaned at the look, apparently interpreting it the same way, and put down their kendama to go back to the textbook, stealing an orange highlighter out of Guita's open pencil bag and muttering about Gen-ed's.
Rudo opened his own notebook back up, but kept thinking about Remlin's words. There was something about that guy...
Rudo knew he was shit at reading people, but there were some things where he trusted his gut. All things considered, Rudo hadn't actually spent that much time in foster care, but those couple years of bouncing around shitty group homes before Regto found him had been enough to let him get a pretty good read on people from a first impression. People's faces and voices could lie, but the way they carried themselves rarely did. He'd had to learn quickly how to tell which kids were all talk and which would actually follow through with a beating. He knew the difference between someone who would throw a punch when cornered and someone who would start a fight just because they had nothing better to do.
Rudo hadn't met too many people like him since getting out of the system, but that instant categorization was apparently still hard-wired in him somewhere. There was a scrappiness in that weird guy that he recognized a bit too well. And he could tell he was the type to start shit for no other reason than to start it.
So what the hell did he want with Zanka?
...
The next time he saw the shady guy was in one of Zanka's lectures.
He'd kept a half eye out around campus for him, especially around the engineering buildings, trying to see if his gut instinct had been based on nothing, but the longer he went without seeing him the more sure Rudo became that the guy really wasn't a student or faculty member, so he definitely wasn't supposed to be there that late at night, and the curiosity of why he had been continued to eat at him.
He'd considered just straight up asking Zanka about it, but Zanka would probably take it as an invasion of privacy for someone to ask what he'd had for breakfast that morning, Rudo had zero hope he'd give an actual answer about the random guy who had some sort of weird history with him that Zanka clearly wanted to keep secret. Plus, Rudo's job prospects post-grad were probably directly tied to how much Zanka liked him, so he really couldn't afford to end up on his shit list.
After a few weeks of nothing and the start of a new quarter he'd given up on the whole thing being anything more than just some weird forgotten mystery, so when the guy in question casually strolled into one of the Fundamentals of Materials Science lectures Rudo was TA'ing, he had to do a double take.
The guy (what had his name been? ...Jagg...Jabber!) walked right past him —despite Rudo's best efforts to stare two holes in the side of his head as he did— and walked up the steps to the back row of auditorium seats before making himself comfortable with his feet kicked up on the chair in front of him and pulling out his phone.
Rudo stared at him, but the guy was completely in his own world. He didn't even pretend like he was there to take notes. Asshole.
Zanka walked in not much later, giving a nod to Rudo before setting his stuff down and starting to work on connecting his laptop to the projector. Briefly, Rudo debated if he should go say something to him about the guy, but before he could, Zanka did a scan of the half-filled auditorium while his computer booted up and Rudo saw his eyes stop on the back row of seats.
He followed his line of sight and now the guy, Jabber, was looking down at Zanka instead of at his phone, and wiggled his fingers at him in a teasing wave.
Zanka recovered from the surprise fast enough, and then quietly let out what sounded like a bone-deep annoyed sigh, before turning around and going back to what he was doing.
Rudo tried to figure out what the hell that interaction could possibly mean. They clearly weren't on good terms if Zanka looked that openly annoyed to see him, so why was the guy there then? Some sort of weird threat? Or power play?
(Maybe Remlin and Guita's constant jokes were getting to him, but who showed up at the workplace of someone they hated without it being some kind of message...)
Before he got the chance to think too hard about it, Zanka gave him the signal to turn down the lights so he could start presenting and he got up to do that instead.
Being Zanka's TA was actually pretty easy. Zanka wasn't the type to assign loads of meaningless busywork, and preferred to do most of his own grading on tests, so usually there wasn't actually that much for Rudo to do. He was able to spend most lectures getting ahead on work for his seminar classes, but for today he couldn't keep his eye off the weird guy in the back of the auditorium.
The guy seemed to be half listening to Zanka and half scrolling on his phone, raising it in a weird way sometimes, and after a handful of repetitions Rudo eventually realized the guy was angling his phone like he was taking a picture every time Zanka turned around to write something on the board. The creepiness factor shot up by 1000%.
If Zanka noticed him taking creep shots he wasn't reacting to it, but Rudo felt violated on his behalf anyway. He had to do something.
Quietly, he got up and started walking up to the back row of seats. Zanka glanced over at him briefly as he did but didn't stop lecturing.
Once he got up to him the guy finally took his eyes off Zanka and looked over at Rudo.
"Yeah?" he asked, tone completely disinterested.
"No phones in class."
That was a lie. It was probably in the syllabus somewhere, but it was never something Zanka enforced. But this guy didn't know that.
The guy looked at Rudo for a second longer like he was considering just saying no, and then shrugged and put his phone back in this pocket.
"Aight, my bad."
Part of Rudo wished the guy had made a scene so he had an excuse to kick him out, but as it was, all he could do was nod and make his way back to the front of the room.
The rest of the lecture went by without issue, and surprisingly enough the guy didn't pull out his phone for the rest of it, though his eyes never strayed even once from Zanka. It was freaky. Once Zanka was done and Rudo brought the lights back up he noticed the guy making his way down to talk to Zanka.
Rudo packed up slowly, keeping one eye on Jabber, who had finished walking down the steps and was now leaned against the wall, apparently waiting for the few students who had lingered to ask about grades or office hours to clear out.
Rudo could only put his things away so slowly though, especially with how Zanka kept glancing over at him in between conversations. Rudo zipped up his bag at a snails pace while Zanka answered the last students question, and then he had no more excuse to stay, made extra concrete by Zanka giving him a dismissive wave goodbye once his bag was on his shoulder.
With no other choice, Rudo walked out, but only a few steps away curiosity got the better of him and he silently doubled back to see if he could get any more information.
Through the crack made by the hinge of the open door Rudo watched as the last student left out the opposite side and the guy pushed himself off the wall to saunter over to Zanka.
"Didn't know you were so strict about cell phones, prof." he said, waving his phone out in front of him with a grin.
"I am when the person usin 'em ain't even enrolled in the course." Zanka answered without missing a beat, and part of Rudo felt oddly touched that Zanka had rolled with it instead of just throwing him under the bus.
"Maybe I'm auditing." Jabber said with a grin.
"Right, I'm sure yer really learnin a lot from a 100's level engineering lecture."
"I'd say its more about the teacher than the course content." He said with a wink, and Rudo's jaw nearly dropped at the sheer gall of this guy to openly flirt with a clearly married man, even as a joke.
Rudo couldn't see Zanka's face from this angle, but from the back at least, Zanka showed no reaction other than crossing his arms, and Rudo had to give him credit for how composed he seemed.
"I'm flattered ya came to see what a competent teaching style looks like." Zanka monotoned. "If you're thinkin about trying it out, I'd watch a few more, ya got a lot to learn."
"Ehh, not really my speed, that's all you man." Jabber laughed. "You know what they say: those who can't do, teach."
"Weird, cause I seem to be doin both just fine considering my grant just got renewed. Maybe it should be: those who are too 'naturally talented' to teach have to make themselves feel better with overused aphorisms."
"Aphorisms, huh? What, you having an affair with the English department?"
Zanka made a small snorting nose at that and it threw Rudo for a loop. He wished he could see Zanka's face, it was hard to tell whether the noise was a laugh or a scoff. Maybe it was both.
"Alright, what're ya actually here for?" Rudo heard Zanka ask.
"Stilza made me guest lecture for her toxicology students cause she was hungover. Gonna keep it real wit you, really thought the old bat would croak or retire before she called in that oxy favor. I had to make a powerpoint."
"Oh ya poor thing." mocked Zanka. "What'd that take, 20 minutes? And you should really know by now she's not gonna stop workin til the damn reaper takes her."
"Doubt he could." Jabber muttered. "That old lady's terrifying. Probably beats him with that cane every time he gets close."
Zanka made another noise that Rudo felt much more confident was a laugh, and he felt like he'd somehow found himself in that Twilight Zone show Amo liked to watch.
Jabber said something that was too low for Rudo to catch, and he tried to lean closer to the door to make it out, only to be betrayed by the world's loudest and most incriminating creak from the auditorium doors (seriously, he payed that much in tuition and they couldn't get some WD-40?) and immediately decided to book it before he got caught.
It was a good thing he was light on his feet, and he made it down the hall and around the corner with minimal sound before ducking into the mens bathroom and waiting.
As he caught his breath in one of the stalls he pulled out his phone to let the apartment groupchat know he had a fittingly confusing update on the Zanka situation.
...
Getting invited to accompany Zanka to the annual MSE conference at the end of the year to help present their research was a big deal, and a high honor. So of course Rudo would lose track of Zanka and his labmates as soon as people started going into the main room to sit down for the introduction and various guest speakers.
There were no assigned seats, so technically Rudo didn't have to sit with them, but it definitely didn't bode well for the rest of the conference to lose them this early. He futilely tried to look around for them while more and more people moved past him to go fill in the empty seats, and just when he was about to give up and go pick an empty chair in the back he heard a voice from behind him.
"Hey, you're one of Dr. Nijiku's students, right?"
He turned around to see a guy around Zanka's age with short dark hair and a large scar on the side of his head. Rudo faintly remembered seeing him come up to Zanka while everyone was still arriving.
He nodded, and the guy smiled.
"I'm Follo." he said, extending a hand. "I was one of his lab assistants a few years ago, where's he sitting?"
Ah. Well this was embarrassing.
"I don't know." Rudo said, and cringed internally. "I lost track of him..."
Follo blinked for a second, surprised, and then recovered with another kind smile.
"Oh, well if you need a place to sit, you can join me and my coworkers."
Rudo briefly looked around again. Zanka was still nowhere to be seen, so if it was between this guy and a stranger...
"Sure. Thanks."
...
Apparently Follo had been one of Zanka's first lab assistants after Zanka had gotten his research position at the university, which made sense given that they looked like they were about the same age.
He'd voiced that out loud and Follo had sheepishly told him that Zanka was actually a couple years younger than him, and Rudo kicked himself for bringing it up, but it didn't seem like Follo took it personally. He hoped he hadn't taken it personally.
The rest of Follo's coworkers seemed nice enough, and one of them, Gris, even mentioned knowing Zanka, but Rudo didn't get a chance to ask him where from before the first speaker started talking and Rudo had to be quiet.
The speeches and presentations were about what he'd expected, and when they announced the keynote speaker Rudo was only half paying attention until he saw who walked up to the mic.
He almost didn't recognize him at first, in semi-formal clothes and without most of his facial piercings, but that hair and face were unmistakable. Rudo could only gawk as the shady guy (who had continued to lurk around the lab and campus throughout the entire quarter) marched up on stage.
"What the fuck? What's he doing here?" Rudo couldn't help but quietly choke out.
Follo looked over, confused.
"Huh?"
"The guy on stage."
"Oh, him? Yeah, that's Dr. Wonger, he's the chemist that's in that paper feud with Dr. Nijiku. Kinda weird to see him in person, right?"
The extra information just left Rudo even more confused than before, and he could only reply with a "Feud?"
"Yeah, you didn't know? They go way back. Dr. Nijiku went off about him once after he published a paper challenging his hypotheses on chain scissions. Apparently he's a child prodigy all grown up, he got two PhDs before he even hit 26, in toxicology and inorganic chemistry. I don't know what their history is, but they've been at each others throats for a while now."
"Not just a paper feud either." One of the guys next to Follo whispered as he leaned over. "I heard the beef got so bad they've gotten in actual fistfights before over it."
"Allegedly." Follo corrected, and the other guy huffed a quiet laugh.
"Sure, allegedly, if you believe the whole 'fell down the stairs' thing." he joked, only for all of them to be shushed by Gris.
The idea was hard for Rudo to wrap his head around. The visual of Zanka, with his sweaters and reading glasses actually throwing a punch over somebody shitting on one of his theories was so hard to picture that it was almost comical.
The other guy Rudo could totally see getting in a needless brawl, but Zanka wasn't the kind of guy to do that for no reason. Rudo didn't doubt he'd do his best to fight back if he ever needed to, but he was definitely more of a "take the high road" kind of guy. It was hard to even imagine Zanka losing his cool like that.
As Dr. Wonger finished his speech and walked off stage, Rudo saw him keep lasting smug eye contact with someone in the audience, and at the sight Rudo was pretty sure he could now guess where Zanka was.
...
Zanka had made it very clear what he expected of his lab assistants in terms of behavior and networking during the mixer section of the conference, and while a couple of the others had complained about Zanka's strict set of rules, Rudo had been overwhelmingly glad to have a guideline on how he was supposed to behave.
The idea of marketing himself to future employers or building professional connections was fine in theory, but that sort of thing had never really come naturally to him, as hard as he tried. He couldn't count how many times he'd accidentally put his foot in his mouth while speaking with someone casually. Doing it here would be a nightmare.
He went over Zanka's rules again in his head. If there was wine or champagne offered, they were to limit themselves to two glasses. Questions about someones current or past research projects were encouraged, but no asking anyone for a job. Yes on business cards, no on resumes. Don't cause a scene.
Rudo adjusted his collar for what felt like the hundredth time that night. He hated formal clothes, they were always so stiff and scratchy, and having it buttoned up to the top made him feel like he was being choked by his own collar.
He'd only talked to a handful of people but he could already feel himself getting overwhelmed. Every polite but firm handshake and pleasant conversation about things he had no interest in were beginning to wear at him, made worse by the noise of so many people talking at once and his dress shoes starting to chafe the back of his heel uncomfortably.
Enjin had said the networking section would be fine, that it was full of "nerds with no social skills" and that Rudo would probably be far from the only person out of his depth. But from what he could see, everyone else seemed to be having the time of their lives walking around talking to strangers. So much for that.
He felt like he'd been there forever. He just wanted to go back to the hotel, but he could tough it out for a little longer, it was probably almost over.
He subtly checked the time on his phone only to see there was still just over two hours left.
Fuck that. He needed some air.
...
He'd had an excuse ready to go about looking for the bathroom, but no one had even noticed him leaving the large banquet hall, much less questioned it.
He could still hear the muffled noise of so many conversations layered on top of each other, but it was way more peaceful out in the large carpeted hallway. He'd rejoin in a bit, he just needed a minute to sit down without having to worry about his posture or his expression or the amount of eye contact he was making.
He probably couldn't stay in the hall though, so he picked a random door on a whim and tried it, and to his surprise it opened to what looked like a small empty conference room.
Perfect, he'd hide out there for a few minutes to recharge before getting back to socializing, and no one would be the wiser. He kept the lights off and closed the door behind him, taking a few seconds to let his eyes readjust. There were no chairs, only one long table, but that was fine, it just meant no group was gonna come in and start a meeting with him in there.
He walked to the far wall and slid down it, settling himself on the floor next to a large fake plant in the corner, and pulled out his phone.
...
Rudo had only been sitting in the dark scrolling on his phone for about 30 minutes when suddenly, the door loudly opened and to Rudo's shock in came Zanka and the other guy, Dr. Wonger. Jabber. Whatever.
Rudo opened his mouth to make excuses for why he'd been hiding out in an empty conference room (and maybe ask why they had come into an unused conference room) but neither of them seemed to noticed him and then in an instant Jabber was pinning Zanka up against the wall closest to the door and Rudo's eyes almost bugged out of skull.
Holy shit. WAS it some sort of mob thing after all?? Was he threatening him???
Zanka hit Jabber in the ribs, which made him take a step back with a slight laugh.
"Hey! Asshole, at least wait a second to make sure no ones followin us." Zanka hissed.
"Relax, Mr. Bad Attitude, nobody saw us leave together, and even if they did, we could just say we had to run a friendly fade real quick. That's on brand for us."
What? Were they gonna fight? Did Rudo have to step in and stop them? ...Could Rudo stop them??
"On brand for you maybe." Zanka bit back.
"It's your brand too now, ever since you had to explain that bruise at the Vegas conference."
"That was your fault."
"And you never let me forget it." He took a step closer, until they were almost chest to chest, and for some reason Zanka let him. "Lemme make it up to you?"
"...Idiot." Zanka said, and then he grabbed Jabber's tie and pulled him into a kiss and Rudo's brain stopped functioning like it was experiencing a network error. What the fuck. What the fuck.
Zanka, his professor and boss who never so much as accepted late work was currently secretly making out with the guy he supposedly hated so much he got into an actual physical fight with him, and was doing so only a couple flimsy doors away from nearly every important person in his professional field. What the fuck.
Rudo didn't know what was going on but he knew he definitely wasn't supposed to being seeing this. He had to leave, but they were between him and the door and even if they weren't, there was no way the sound of it wouldn't alert them. Was it worse to try and silently sneak out and get caught or to just suddenly say something and be exposed?? What was he supposed to do???
...Maybe he just stayed quiet and took this to his grave. Zanka was cheating on his wife with some guy who may or may not have a shady past and/or mob connections and that only spelled bad news if they found out Rudo knew. (Part of him felt guilty for even considering that Zanka might threaten or hurt him, but he also hadn't ever thought Zanka would be the kind of guy to cheat on his spouse, so clearly Rudo wasn't the best judge of character!)
Fuck. What did he DO??
Remlin's constant half-jokes about getting his kneecaps smashed and the fact that he needed to stay in Zanka's good graces eventually sealed his final decision to just stay quiet and look away and pray they stopped soon so he could go bleach his eyes and forget this ever happened.
They finally broke the kiss and Rudo heard the other guy groan.
"Fuck, you gotta wear stuff like this more often. I always forget how good you look all dressed up."
Rudo needed to bleach his ears too, apparently.
"Maybe I would if I didn't have to worry about you rippin' em off me." Zanka replied, sounding annoyed but breathless.
"Aww, but that's part of the fun! And besides, don't act like you don't do the same shit to me. You're worse about ripping seams than I am."
What.
"At least I do it in private."
What.
"And you know I wish you wouldn't." He said, and then spoke lower, voice dropping an octave as he teased. "Poor Zan-zan, always so worried about your image, bout your reputation, keepin me like some kind of dirty secret."
"Ya say that like I don't know exactly how much you love sneakin around like this."
"Don't get me wrong, the secrecy's mad fun, but the part I really love about it is pushin you to your breaking point. Love seein you try so hard to make it seem like you don't give a shit in front of people, and then finding exactly what it takes to get you to snap and go fuck me stupid."
"Fuck." Zanka groaned, "Get on the table."
NOPE. ABSOLUTELY NOT.
He'd rather lose his kneecaps than have to sit through that shit.
Rudo shot up to standing and immediately the noise made both of their heads snap to him at lighting speed as they froze.
He put both hands up in the universal "don't shoot" gesture while he tried to figure out what to say.
Zanka looked absolutely mortified as he stared in horror at Rudo from his very compromising position against Jabber.
"Wha- RUDO?!"
Jabber, though clearly surprised, seemed more inconvenienced than anything else, and at Zanka's words he looked between them.
"Oh, shit. Is that one of your lab kids?"
Rudo's eye twitched.
"We've met like three times, asshole." He said before he could stop himself, and then mentally smacked himself in the head for it.
Jabber seemed completely unbothered.
"Really? Damn, my bad. Kinda shit with faces."
"Rudo." Choked out Zanka, face redder than he'd ever seen it, visible even in the dark room. "what the fuck. The hell are you doing in here?"
"Hey, I was in here first!" He rebutted, and then grimaced. "I mean. Just. Okay, look, I was taking a breather and then you guys came in and I didn't know what to do so I decided to just shut up and wait it out but then you—" Yeah, actually, he was not going to recap that part. "I just wanna leave, okay? I swear I'm not gonna tell your wife or Enjin or anyone else, I just wanna go."
Zanka just blinked at him, seemingly at a loss for words.
There was a long moment of silence and then Zanka broke it.
"Tell my...what??"
At that, Jabber let out a *pfft* sound and then started absolute howling with laughter, letting go of Zanka so he could double over and clutch his stomach.
"Oh man!" He wheezed, and Zanka looked two seconds away from punching him in the stomach. "Zan-zan, you didn't tell me you had a secret wife! Can't believe I'm your side piece!"
Zanka just glared at him, face still bright red.
"This is not funny!" He hissed.
"You're right," Jabber cackled, wiping a tear from his eye as he continued to wheeze. "this shit's hilarious. Oh my god."
"For fucks..." Zanka pinched the bridge of his nose and turned to face him. "Rudo. I don't have a wife."
So that was the story he was going with? Fuck it. At this point Rudo would go along with anything that let him escape.
"Okay. You don't." He agreed, trying to subtly inch his way to the door.
"NO- Stop. Rudo. I actually don't."
Was this another one of those 'unspoken' things Rudo was supposed to pick up on?
He thought back to how Zanka had put the emphasis on 'have', did that mean it was a past tense thing?
"Oh. Did she..." Regto always said it was rude to say 'die'. "...pass away?"
Jabber dissolved into laughter again, almost falling on the floor, and Rudo and Zanka both glared at him, before Zanka's glare turned back to Rudo.
"I don't have a wife. I have never had a wife."
This felt like some kind of riddle. Why couldn't anybody ever just say what they meant?
"...But you have a wedding ring."
"I do." Zanka said, sounding like he was waiting for Rudo to put something together. When a few more seconds of silence went by, Zanka pinched the bridge of his nose again and muttered to himself. "Can't believe Enjin said ya were a prodigy, in what world-" He took a deep breath, then looked Rudo in the eye, gesturing to Jabber. "He's my husband."
Oh.
Ohhhhh.
"Wait, but. You don't have the same last name?"
"We both kept ours. No chance in hell I'm publishin a paper only to have my name abbreviated as 'Wonger'."
Jabber stood back up, still grinning but having apparently recovered from his wheezing.
"And I ain't the biggest fan of my in-laws." Jabber said as he wiped away a final tear, and then tossed an arm over Zanka's shoulder to lean against him and Zanka glared at him as he did, but his arm went up to hold Jabber's waist to steady him anyway, seemingly on instinct. With the hand not around Zanka's shoulder Jabber dipped below his collar and pulled out a long thin chain with a silver wedding band looped on it, and even though Rudo couldn't make out too many details in the dim room he'd be willing to bet it was identical to the one Zanka was always wearing. "See? Matching set."
Zanka, weirdly enough, looked more surprised to see it than Rudo did.
"Idiot, I told ya not to bring that to these kinds of things." Zanka muttered, but even Rudo could tell he wasn't actually mad. "Yer gonna get us caught."
"Think the cats already outta the bag on that one." Jabber laughed, motioning over to Rudo, and they both looked over at him.
"Nope." Rudo said with his hands up again, and he could only hope his voice came out as earnestly as he meant it to. "I'm not saying shit. I don't even know who I'd tell."
Jabber seemed to accept that answer easily enough, though whether it was because he could tell Rudo was being genuine or because he didn't really care was still up for debate.
"See? We good."
Zanka still looked conflicted, and his free hand seemed to absentmindedly come up to the hand Jabber had tossed over his shoulder, threading their fingers together and rubbing his thumb over one of Jabber's rings as he hummed.
"...Still, maybe it'd be better to get ahead of it. I mean, it is pretty juvenile to keep hidin it..."
"What, and give these dork ass losers the best gossip of their lives? Pass."
Zanka exhaled a small laugh through his nose (and now, seeing it, Rudo was sure it had always been a laugh, one that he apparently reserved only for Jabber) and Zanka tilted his head back to lightly rest it against Jabber's arm over his shoulder.
"Ya know we can't keep it up forever."
"Prolly not, but who cares. None of their business anyway."
Zanka rolled his eyes, looking down at their joined hands with the same expression he always had when he ran a thumb over his wedding ring, and ironically Rudo suddenly felt like he was intruding on a private moment.
"I'm...gonna go." Rudo said awkwardly as he moved to the door and Zanka straightened up like he'd forgotten Rudo was there, and dropped his hand back down.
"Right." Zanka said, face red again as he looked at Jabber and then around the empty room. "Uh. We should head back too."
Jabber let out a dramatic groan at that, still being mostly supported by Zanka as he leaned against him —made funnier by the fact that they were practically the same height— and Zanka just gave him a glare in response. Now that Rudo knew what to look for, he could tell there was a fondness there.
He was still having a bit of trouble imagining how Zanka and this guy could have an apparently functioning relationship, but the more he saw them like this...maybe he was starting to understand how it worked.
"Not even a quickie?" Jabber asked, and Zanka stomped on his foot so hard Rudo couldn't help but flinch in sympathy.
...Yeahh, maybe he wasn't.