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If one were asked about alternate realities, timelines, or universes, they’d simply say they don’t exist. There is only one world; the one they live in now. Some religions believe in rebirth, others in reincarnation. Separate lives containing the same soul; but all in all, the universe itself could not be reborn, and no rebirthed individual is exactly the same as they were in a previous life.
They did not have the same name, nor the same face. Their hair, skin, and eyes may have been different as well. For one person couldn’t exist twice in one universe, nor could a world be replicated.
If there was, however, surely it’d be much different than the life one leads currently. Maybe it’s the differing choices made by the individual. Maybe it’s society itself. Maybe the world is just kinder in another life. Maybe it’s crueler.
There was no way to be certain, after all. It could’ve been real.
“Shin, I’m leaving, you sure you don’t need a ride?”
Rei called out from where he stood by the doorway. Shin, still packing his bag, shook his head. “I prefer to walk. I’ll see you later.”
Rei shrugged and waved goodbye. “Alright, Mr. Cool Guy. Don’t get into any trouble!”
Shin waved him off. He was hoping to walk with Lena today, after all, so he couldn’t afford being embarrassed by his dear big brother. Fido, his small yet very energetic dog, jumped around Shin, begging him not to leave.
After Rei left, Shin’s mother, Yuuna, looked up from the kitchen. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. You’re extra grumpy today, Shin.”
“I’m fine, mom… have a good day.” Shin approached and kissed her on the cheek. He walked over to Fido and pet his head before setting off for school. The truth was, he hadn’t slept very well last night. Lately, he’d been plagued by incoherent dreams that he’d forget as soon as he woke up. These dreams often kept him up at night, and he couldn’t make any sense of them.
It wasn’t something to dwell on. Shin felt fine, if only a little extra tired.
It was a chilly autumn morning. Shin’s uniform coat blew slightly with the wind, and leaves crunched beneath his feet as he walked down the sidewalk towards the park where he’d planned to meet Lena.
She was normally very early to school, due to her position in the student council—and being a little bit of a goody two shoes, which Shin did respect to an extent—so he decided to adjust his own schedule out of courtesy. Of course, this paired with his lack of sleep lately, made him worry that he wouldn’t be focused and would likely earn a scolding from Lena.
Still, he moved along, spotting familiar silver hair in the distance.
“Shin! Over here!” She waved him over with an enthusiasm unfitting of an average high schooler walking to school at the crack of dawn. Shin smiled at her childlike excitement and made his way over to her.
“Good morning, Lena,” He said, suddenly noticing she was holding a cardboard tray with two coffee cups from a nearby coffee shop. “You even had time to stop for coffee… I’m impressed, it took me ten minutes to even get out of bed this morning.”
She laughed—likely not knowing he was being serious—and handed him one of the coffee cups. “I figured you’d be tired since you don’t usually leave this early, so consider this my apology! You like black coffee, don’t you?”
“I’m glad you remembered.” He smiled, accepting the warm drink from her hands. “And there’s no need to apologize. I’m more than happy to walk with you today.”
She beamed as she took her own coffee cup and sipped it. Her eyes went wide for a split second before her face melted into disgust. “Shin, my apologies, but I think… this one is yours.”
Shin did his best to hold back his laughter. They switched cups, and Lena sipped from the one Shin handed her. This time, she sighed in relief. “That’s more like it. I can’t believe you don’t like even a little bit of sugar!”
“I’ve never really had a sweet tooth,” He said, bringing his cup to his lips and taking a sip of the bitter coffee that Lena had so despised. He then paused for a split second, realizing…
Lena’s own lips had touched this coffee. Which meant…
“Are you alright, Shin? Your face just went red. Oh, is the coffee too hot!?” She looked at him with concern, but Shin quickly pulled himself together and waved her off.
“No, no, I’m fine! The coffee’s perfect, thanks…” He realized how flustered he sounded and coughed into his fist. “We should get going! We wouldn’t want to be late, right?”
Lena sighed. “Alright then, but… I do have a little… teeny tiny thing to ask of you when we get there.”
Shin looked at her in confusion. She continued, swaying back and forth and looking away awkwardly with a not-so-innocent smile. “The student council is looking for volunteers to help prepare the gymnasium for next week’s formal event… and I was wondering…”
Shin stared at her before realizing that this was the reason she’d wanted them to be at school so early. He chuckled lightly at her demeanor. “I’d be happy to.”
Her face lit up. “Amazing! We’ll be working for a few days at the very least, so it would mean the world to me. It’s always more fun with friends around, right?”
Shin felt himself blush at the statement. He simply nodded, and together they set off, sipping their coffee and chatting away.
For a while, Shin forgot all about his problems.
——————————
“Shin, could I get some help over here?”
“Of course.”
Lena stood atop a ladder, trying to attach streamers to the top of the stage. Shin came over to hold the ladder in place and make sure she didn’t fall.
She did her best to contain her excitement. This formal was her favorite event of the year. It was a great excuse to dress up in a gorgeous dress and dance to her heart’s content, but it was also an opportunity.
For a long while, she had been too nervous to ask a boy to dance with her. Although her friends assured her that she’d have no trouble getting a date, she wanted more than just any guy who was willing to dance with her. She wanted to go with someone special.
And that someone…
“Ah— ahh!!”
Lena became lost in thought, and before she knew it, her foot slipped, and she found herself stumbling off the ladder.
Shin, who was right below her, acted quickly. The next thing Lena knew, he was stumbling backwards with her in his arms.
“Are you alright?! Did you get hurt?” He asked. “I’m so sorry. I must’ve made the ladder lose balance…”
Lena’s face suddenly grew warm when she realized she was clutching his shoulders like a frightened cat. “I-I’m okay! I just tripped! It’s not your fault, thank you for catching me…!”
Shin studied her face, and after making sure she was alright, he set her down on her feet. “Maybe I should bring you to the nurse, just in case—“
“I’m fine!” She shouted a little louder than she intended. At this point, her face must’ve been red as a beet. “Ahem… anyways, I’m done over here, thanks for your help…!”
“Of—of course. Let me know if you need anything else.” Now Shin’s face was turning red. There was no doubt the situation was a little embarrassing, Lena felt horrible for almost knocking him down with her.
Unable to stand there any longer, Lena marched away to see if anyone else needed help.
After spending some time helping Theo with painting the big poster that would be hung up in the common area, she felt herself calm down. Theo looked up at her with a mischievous grin.
“You know… we all saw that.”
Heat rose in Lena’s face once again. Theo laughed and wiped paint away from his face.
“You always get so excited for these events, but you never have someone to go with…” He put his paintbrush in a cup of muddy water. “Don’t tell me you only get excited for the preparations. Come on, ask him!”
“Shh!!” Lena held a finger to her lips. “He’s going to hear you…! And who said I—“
“Oh, please… it’s painfully obvious. Put us all out of our misery already, will you?”
It must’ve been more clear than she thought. If she were to ask Shin, would he even say yes…? Lena already knew of other girls who would like to do the same, but how did Shin feel about them? What were the chances that—
*CRASH.*
Lena’s head snapped up at the sudden noise, as did Theo’s. Looking ahead, she found the source; Shin was standing frozen in front of a shattered vase.
“Shin?!” Lena got to her feet and rushed over to see what happened, Theo in tow. Shin was still frozen when she got there, looking down at the shattered ceramic with a faraway look in his eyes. Lena noticed he was shaking.
“Shin, what happened? Are you okay?” She gently shook his shoulder to get his attention. He blinked once, snapping out of whatever trance he was in.
“I-I…” He stammered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t… didn’t you hear that…?”
“You mean the sound of the vase breaking?” Theo asked. “It was kind of hard to miss… are you hurt?”
“No, no! Not that! It was…” He faltered. Lena led him away from the broken fragments to prevent him from cutting himself. “You really didn’t…”
“Shin… what did you hear? What made you drop it?”
“I’m so sorry… I can pay for it.” He looked very shaken up by what happened, and it sunk Lena’s heart.
“We’re not mad about the vase.” She put her hand on his shoulder. “We’re just making sure you’re alright. Can you tell us what happened?”
“I heard someone… calling out to me. I think they said my name, but it was so loud and angry I could hardly make it out…” He reached up and tugged at his ear, as if what he’d heard had hurt him. “It felt so real. You really didn’t hear it?”
Lena and Theo looked at him with concern. They hadn’t heard a thing until the vase broke. “We weren’t too far away… we would’ve heard that sort of thing. Are you feeling alright?”
“I feel—“ Shin cut himself off before he could tell them he was fine. He raised his hand to his temple. “I don’t… I don’t know. I feel dizzy all of a sudden.”
Lena reached her hand up to feel his forehead, and then felt her own to compare. “You don’t seem to be sick… do you want to visit the nurse? Maybe you just need some rest.”
Shin hesitated. “I promised I’d help out, though…”
“We’ll be fine, but you’re really worrying me, Shin… please go rest. I’ll even walk you there.”
He sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing the back of his neck. “Alright… thanks, you guys.”
“Don’t sweat it, man,” Theo said. “Just take care of yourself.”
Lena put her hand on his back and led him out of the gymnasium. Hopefully whatever was happening with him would soon blow over.
“Did you get any sleep last night?” She asked as they walked down the hall.
“I guess I was a little restless,” was all Shin said.
Soon enough, Shin was sat on a light blue cot as the nurse held a thermometer up to his forehead. Lena stood next to him, watching him with worry in her eyes.
“You don’t have a fever. You must’ve just been exhausted. You can lie down in here for a little while and then head to class.”
Shin nodded. “Thank you, ma’am. I really don’t know what came over me…”
The nurse smiled. “Just one of those days, sweetheart. Get some rest and you’ll be back to normal in no time.”
She walked away, leaving him and Lena alone. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked off to the side. “Are you sure you feel okay? Maybe I can stay with you while you rest…”
“I wouldn’t want you to miss class because of me. Really, Lena, I’m okay here. Thanks for your help.”
Lena nodded reluctantly. He really didn’t seem fine, especially with how he froze in place with that odd look in his eyes. “Alright… if you’re sure. I’ll see you soon, okay?”
——————————
“He’s extra jumpy today…”
“You think it has to do with what happened this morning?”
“No clue… but it was pretty scary.”
Raiden and Theo spoke in hushed voices. Shin had returned to class after spending the morning in the nurse’s office, but he looked nowhere near well rested.
“The way his face looked… it was like he wasn’t there. Like his mind was somewhere else entirely.”
Raiden studied him from afar. “You said he heard things?”
“I don’t want to jump to any conclusions…” Theo said. “But if it caused him to drop a vase so easily, it must’ve really startled him. Maybe there was a noise, and we were too focused to hear it.”
“But that doesn’t explain what he heard. I don’t know, Theo… this is just weird.”
“Maybe we’re overthinking things. He could just be having an off day.” Theo sketched nervously on his worksheet. “He’ll be back to normal by tomorrow, surely.”
“I hope you’re right…”
Shin was focused on his schoolwork and didn’t register that he was being talked about mere feet away. This was also unlike him, since one typically couldn’t even look in his direction without him taking notice.
Since they hadn’t spoken after the vase incident, Theo decided to approach him.
“Shin! Are you feeling any better?”
Shin raised his head in surprise. “Hm? Oh, yeah, I feel a lot better now. I’m sorry for the commotion I caused.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, nobody got hurt, right?”
Shin paused. “So if someone did get hurt…”
Theo waved his hands frantically. “That’s not what I meant! I mean, yeah, the ceramic could’ve cut somebody, and that would’ve sucked… but it wouldn’t have been your fault! It’s cleaned up now, so there’s nothing to worry about, okay?”
Shin went silent. Theo attempted to change the subject, realizing he wasn’t helping in the slightest.
“Say, uh… the formal is coming up! Have you put any thought into it yet?”
“Oh! Well, uh…” Shin faltered.
“Come on, don’t be modest! Tell me, who do you have your eyes on?” Theo moved closer and lowered his voice into a whisper. Lena wasn’t in class currently, as she was still in the gymnasium, but the other girls could be quite the gossips.
Theo could see Shin’s cheeks flush ever so slightly. He was glad he got Shin’s mind off of earlier, and onto something more… important.
“I, uh… I’m not really into those fancy events, you know…” He cracked a slight smile, still blushing. “Do you, um… know anyone who’s planning to go?”
“Just about everyone. You’d be the odd one out if you didn’t. Come on, Shin! There has to be someone you want to ask out!”
“I don’t even know if she’d say yes…”
Theo rolled his eyes at the irony. “The girls are practically fawning over you. Besides…” He leaned in closer. “I think you’ve got a shot.”
Shin recoiled. “I didn’t even tell you who I’m talking about!”
“It’s written all over your face, loverboy.”
Shin sighed, realizing he was defeated. “Do you really think she’d want to go with me?”
“You won’t know until you try. Why wouldn’t she, anyway?” Theo winked and patted Shin on the back.
“Alright… I’ll think about it. Thanks.”
Theo smiled and returned to his seat. Once he sat down, he leaned over to Raiden. “Just call me Cupid from now on.”
Raiden flicked him on the forehead. “You want to be a naked baby with a bow and arrow, be my guest.”
——————————
This was by far the strangest day Shin ever had.
After what happened in the gymnasium, he couldn’t shake this feeling that something was calling to him. He kept hearing noises that weren’t there, and got immense déjà vu from the smallest things. He was feeling ghost sensations on his body, as well. A chill every now and then, or some tingle.
He’d mentioned this to Raiden, but he didn’t believe him. He said that he just needed to get some sleep and that there was nothing to get worked up over. But Shin knows what he heard and felt. It had to have been real… but why only him? Why hadn’t anyone else heard anything?
”……”
Shin stopped in his tracks. Another distant sound. This time, he was sure it was real. Looking around, however, he saw nobody had reacted, despite how loud the sound was. He spotted Lena jogging up to him from the school’s front gates.
“Shin! I’m glad I caught you! How was your day?”
“It was just fine. I’ll help out some more tomorrow morning. I do feel bad about the scene I caused…”
Lena smiled. “Don’t be. No harm, no foul! Get some sleep tonight, okay? Tomorrow’s a new day!”
Lena’s optimism never failed to impress him. She never let anyone be down for long, not even herself. He envied it, in fact.
“A new day. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” Shin smiled and waved as she walked away. He didn’t want to bother her with what was happening to him. Not until he could understand it himself, at least.
He just couldn’t wait to get home. Maybe he really did need to sleep this off.
The sound of the leaves crunching beneath his feet was soothing. A grounding element compared to everything he dealt with today. His home was soon in view, and he wasted no time approaching the door and unlocking it.
When he entered, he was met with a delicious aroma that filled the house. “I’m home,” He called out.
Yuuna was busy in the kitchen, likely fixing up dinner. Shin came to greet her. “Shin! How was your day, dear?”
“It was alright, Mom. Do you need any help?”
“I’m just about done, actually.” She lowered the heat on the stove. “Are you hungry? It’ll probably be another ten minutes.”
“Actually, I think I might head to bed early today. I’m a little tired.”
Yuuna studied his face with concern, and brought her hand to his forehead. “Are you feeling okay? You don’t usually skip meals unless you’re sick.”
“It’s nothing, really.” He guided her hand away from his face. “Just had a long day, is all.”
“Hmm… I’m sorry to hear. Get some rest then, alright? Rei and your father should be home soon.”
“Mhm…” He may have been more tired than he thought. Shin made his way to his bedroom, barely managing to change his clothes before crashing into bed.
Soon enough, he was out like a light.
——————————
Yuuna watched as her son sluggishly walked to his bedroom. She’d noticed his change in behavior lately, and it was concerning her. He wasn’t getting sleep, his grades were falling off, and he wasn’t going out as often with friends.
So when he’d told her he was going to walk with Lena that morning, she was beyond excited, and hopeful that his mood would improve after that. After all, he was clearly very fond of her.
But it wasn’t enough, it seemed.
Reisha arrived soon after.
“Hey, sweetheart. Day went alright?” He hugged her waist from behind and kissed her red hair. “Oh, I know that look.”
Yuuna sighed, leaning into the touch. “My day was good, hun. It’s just Shin. He was looking pretty down today.”
“Hm? How so?”
“I’m not sure… his mood has been off lately, and today, it’s like there’s something going on. He went to bed early.”
Reisha’s eyes widened. “This early? He hasn’t even eaten yet, has he?”
Yuuna shook her head. “He went to bed as soon as he got home. He might still be awake if you want to check on him, but…”
“It is strange… but you know teenagers these days. He could just be moody. Come, we’ll check on him together.” He put his hand on her back and led her out of the kitchen.
The two of them approached his bedroom door, hesitant to enter. Reisha knocked quietly before opening the door. “Shinei?”
As expected, he was fast asleep, curled up in his blanket with his bag thrown haphazardly on the floor. Fido was curled beside him, as if to guard Shin as he slept. Reisha narrowed his eyes before closing the door again, ever so quietly.
“It’s definitely unlike him… I guess we’ll have to wait and see. I’m sure he’ll be himself again soon.”
Yuuna furrowed her brows. “But what if he’s really struggling with something…? What if he won’t tell us until it’s too late?”
“That won’t happen,” Reisha said, pulling his wife in close. “He’s in great hands. Have some faith in him, alright?”
Yuuna sighed. “Alright.”
Reisha kissed her head once again. “Let’s go eat. I’m sure you’ve outdone yourself as always.”
She nodded, resting her head against his chest. Together, they walked away from Shin’s room to let him sleep in peace. Reisha fixed plates for them both, and they sat down together in silence.
When Shourei came home, the two explained to him that Shin wasn’t feeling well. He displayed worry, of course, but they reassured him that he was just having a bad day and needed some rest.
“He has been off lately… but he’s around that moody age, isn’t he?” Rei questioned.
“That’s what I’m thinking,” Reisha agreed. “But of course, even if that is the case, we’ll help him if he’s struggling with something. It’s just hard to do when he’s so closed off.”
“Give him time,” Rei said. “I had moments like these when I was his age. They’ll pass, as long as we’re here for him.”
Yuuna nodded hesitantly. She wanted nothing more than to believe that her son was right, but an aching feeling in her stomach told her there was something truly wrong.
Noticing her expression, Rei took her hand. “Mom, it’s going to be okay. Don’t worry yourself sick over this…”
She sighed. “I won’t… maybe you’re right. Thank you both.”
As a mother, it was her job to understand her children and stop the worst from coming. But sometimes, it wasn’t always so visible.
Such was the lesson she’d soon learn if things truly weren’t going to be okay.
——————————
That night, Rei awoke to Fido licking his face frantically.
“Gah… dammit, Fido… do you know what time it is?”
The canine jumped from Rei’s bed and paced anxiously. He never got this restless unless he sensed something was wrong. Rei, pushing down his frustration, suddenly noticed noise coming from outside his bedroom.
Concerned, he arose from bed and went into the hallway, still groggy from sleep. The clock read 2:53 AM. The noise became more evident, and Rei noted that it was coming from Shin’s bedroom. Even more concerning.
He approached the door and pushed it open slowly. Shin was in the same position as before, curled up on his side and wrapped in blankets, but he seemed to be having another nightmare. He’d been getting a lot of those lately, typically he’d wake up in a cold sweat and then be fine the next day, albeit with some lost sleep.
But this time, the nightmare didn’t wake him up. He was whimpering and groaning in his sleep, shivering despite being under warm blankets. But those noises quickly turned into something else that Rei couldn’t quite make out. When he listened closer, he realized… Shin wasn’t whimpering.
He was choking.
Rei sprang forward. “Shin?! Hey, wake up… Shin!”
He reached for his shoulder to shake him awake. There didn’t seem to be anything stuck around his neck. It may have been an airway obstruction of some kind. He tried to examine Shin, but when his hand brushed against his collar, his eyes snapped open, and Rei caught the quickest glimpse of pure fear before Shin shot up with a shout and kicked Rei hard in the abdomen, sending him across the room.
The impact was rough. Shin wasn’t a weak kid, but Rei had no idea he could pack such a powerful kick. “*Cough*… Damn, that hurt… Shin?! What—“
He didn’t finish his sentence, for when he looked back at his younger brother, he was met with a face so terrified that Rei could’ve sworn Shin had seen a ghost. He’d was breathing heavily and his face was beaded with sweat. He then started to cough, now that he realized his airway wasn’t blocked.
Rei rushed to his side and put a hand on his back, rubbing circles as Shin coughed and gasped, struggling to catch his breath. “Easy, deep breaths… it was just a dream. What happened?”
“I’m—I’m sorry, I… *cough* I didn’t mean…!” He spoke through gasps of air, tears streaming down his face. “It felt so real… I’m sorry… I’m sorry!”
“Hey, hey…” Rei soothed. “Breathe, don’t talk until you’re ready. Just breathe. You’re okay.”
He sat on the bed and held Shin close, rubbing his back while he got his bearings. Rei suddenly forgot about the aching pain in his abdomen, likely bruising. Shin had looked so frightened when it happened that he probably didn’t register that Rei was trying to help.
“It wasn’t… it wasn’t a dream… I felt it! It was really happening…! I couldn’t…”
Rei shushed him gently. “Keep breathing. It was a dream, Shin. You’re right here, wherever you were before is gone now.”
“No… no, you don’t understand…”
He didn’t end up telling Rei what he saw. It must’ve been so disturbing that he couldn’t even speak of it. They sat together in silence, Shin sobbing uncontrollably in his brother’s arms, until he finally exhausted himself into a dreamless sleep, his head lolled against Rei’s shoulder. Rei adjusted him so that they were both lying down, and pulled the blanket up to his chest. Shin leaned against him, and Rei put his arm around him, his hand coming up to stroke his messy hair.
His face was pale. Dark circles crept beneath his eyes, and he was still trembling ever so slightly. His breathing was shaky, but he seemed to find comfort in being with his brother, despite being scared of him not long ago.
This was more than a nightmare. Dreams often had meaning, and whatever caused Shin to lash out when Rei merely touched him must’ve been more than a typical bad dream where one was being chased by a monster.
It felt so real, he had said. It was something he believed was really happening. Something had obscured his breathing in real life. What that something was, Rei couldn’t hope to discover.
What was important was that Shin was safe. He was in no physical danger, but there was no telling what he’d dream about next.
And so Rei didn’t sleep. He spent the night staring up at the ceiling, with Shin’s head resting on his shoulder. He monitored his breathing and watched for any signs of discomfort. There were none.
Shin slept through the rest of the night, and looked alright for the most part. Rei knew he’d have to explain this to his parents in the morning, but that wasn’t important yet.
Shin was safe. Nothing was going to harm him as long as Rei was there.
The next morning, a knock came on the bedroom door, stirring Rei from his restless slumber. Yuuna poked her head in, and smiled lightly at the sight of Shin cuddled up next to Rei. “What’s happening in here?”
Rei sat up, careful not to wake Shin. “He had a rough night. We should talk outside.”
Yuuna’s smile faded. She waited patiently as Rei removed himself from the bed without jostling Shin, who was still sound asleep despite everything from the night before. He must’ve been exhausted.
Shutting the door quietly, Rei turned to his mother. “He was having a nightmare, I could hear him all the way from my room. When I came in to check on him, he was having trouble breathing…” Rei winced at the memory, but continued. “When I tried to wake him up, he was startled so badly that he kicked me across the room. He looked terrified… I stayed with him for the rest of the night. He’s been asleep since.”
A horrified look flew over Yuuna’s face. She looked back at the door with intense worry in her eyes. “I knew there was more going on… do you think it’s related to his behavior lately?”
“I don’t know,” Rei said. “But mental states can affect dreams. This sort of thing… it doesn’t happen out of the blue.”
Yuuna paused in thought. “We’ll keep him home today. Let him get as much rest as possible.”
Rei nodded. “Good idea. I’ll take a day off, too… I don’t think he’ll talk about last night with anyone else.”
“Did he tell you what he was dreaming about?”
“Not a word. He just said it felt real. It really must’ve, if it cut off his breathing. He was horrified.”
Yuuna winced. “I’ll call the school and let them know he’ll be out. Maybe Raiden can bring over his schoolwork.”
Rei nodded. He planned on making Shin comfortable today, anything to keep his mood up and get his mind off of what he’s been struggling with. Rei realized that even he didn’t have days like this when he was Shin’s age.
Something was happening with his baby brother, and he was going to find out what.
——————————
Lena hadn’t seen Shin all day.
Even when they weren’t walking together, she’d at least see him at the front gates, and then in class later on. But today, he was nowhere to be seen, and the sight of his empty seat worried her deeply.
She figured he really wasn’t feeling good yesterday, and decided to stay home. Lena made a note to drop off his missed school work later.
“Shin’s not here today, huh?” A voice came up behind her. She spotted Kurena’s crimson hair at the corner of her vision. “What was going on with him yesterday? He was so… out of it.”
“I wish I knew… he might just be sick.” Lena tugged at the hair strands that ran down her shoulder and rested on her chest. “Has he told you anything lately? About how he’s been feeling?”
Kurena shook her head. “He’s pretty closed off. You can never tell what’s happening in his mind.”
“That’s an understatement,” Shiden, who butted into the conversation suddenly, said with contempt. “The guy’s quiet and edgy. What else is new?”
“It’s more than that,” Lena said. “He was so weird yesterday… I think something might be really wrong.”
“I know you’re worried, but Shin is strong. I’m sure whatever it is, he’ll overcome it, right?” Kurena kept her usual optimism. Lena normally would’ve followed along, but her mind ran in circles thinking about Shin.
She spent the rest of the day like that. She asked around for any information, but not even Raiden knew what was going on. Lena worried she may have been overthinking things. It would be hilarious if she went through all this trouble just to discover he had a common cold… of course, that wouldn’t be funny regardless, but at least it explained his behavior.
The final bell rang, and Lena accumulated Shin’s missing schoolwork. She felt bad about putting it on him when he wasn’t feeling well, but she also didn’t want him to struggle catching up when he got back.
She set off for his home, praying he would be okay when she got there.
——————————
When Rei heard the doorbell ring, he had a feeling he knew who it was.
Shin had been relatively okay for most of the day. He didn’t talk about what happened the night before, and Rei didn’t blame him. He spent the day in his room, bored out of his mind despite rejecting Rei’s offer to go out on a stroll.
Rei stood up and approached the door, looking through the peephole and finding a nervous looking girl with long silver hair holding a folder.
Opening the door, he greeted Lena with a smile. “Fancy seeing you here. Are you here for Shin?”
She bowed her head. “Hello, Rei! I came to drop off Shin’s schoolwork since he was out today. Is he alright?”
“He’s got it a little rough right now, I won’t lie to you… but thank you, I’m sure he’ll appreciate this.” Lena held out the folder to hand to Rei, but he rejected it. “You know… you could give it to him yourself, if you’d like.”
Lena’s eyes widened. “O-oh! I wouldn’t want to intrude…”
“Nonsense. I think he could use a friendly face right now. Come on in, he’s just resting in his room.”
Lena nodded and stepped into the house with reluctant footsteps. Rei had only met her a few times, but he’d known her well enough to recognize her demeanor. She was a particularly sweet girl, and although she wasn’t shy by any means, she tended to be overly polite. Shin was fond of her, more so than any of his other friends. If anyone could make him feel better, it was her.
“Are you sure he’ll want to see me…? I understand if he wants to rest quietly. I really wouldn’t want to bother him…”
Rei smiled, amused at her concern. “You kids really are so naive… go on! Just trust me on this.”
——————————
Shin almost didn’t register the voices coming from outside his room.
It was all he heard today. He believed them to be some sort of auditory hallucinations, as nobody else in the house could hear what he was hearing. It bothered him greatly. His arm flew over his face as more noise filled his head.
He remembered very little of the night before. The dream had gone from his memory in an instant, like always, but Shin recalled that horrible feeling and the guilt of hurting Rei. He really didn’t mean it… if he could take it back in an instant, he would. His head ran in circles as his “thoughts” grew louder.
“Shut up… shut up…” He muttered to himself. “You’re not real. Just…”
“Shin?”
His eyes snapped open at the familiar silver bell-like voice. This one wasn’t a hallucination, that was for sure.
He lifted his head and saw Lena standing in his doorway. Flustered that she was seeing him like this, he quickly sat up and faced her. “L-Lena! What are you doing here? I mean… I’m glad you’re here, I just didn’t expect…”
She giggled. “I just came to bring you your schoolwork. Sorry for barging in like this, I hope I’m not bothering you…”
Shin straightened his back. “Of—of course not! I’m happy to see you… sorry I was gone today. I think I underestimated how out of it I was yesterday…” He stood and walked over to her, accepting the folder in her hands. “I should thank you. I needed something else to focus on right now…”
“I should leave you to it, then. I hope to see you tomorrow!”
“Actually—“ Shin interrupted. “If it isn’t any trouble… would you like to stay? I could use the tutoring, and some company.”
Lena seemed taken aback. “Oh! Is that alright with your parents, though…? I wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome…”
“I don’t think it’s a problem. Besides… I missed you today.”
It took him courage to say that. He hoped he wasn’t coming on too strong, but he was hoping to start small before asking her to next week’s event.
Lena’s cheeks flushed ever so slightly. She smiled and nodded, her silver hair swaying with the movement. “Okay! But you need to focus. I intend to catch you up on everything you missed today.”
“Let’s do it, then.” A weight suddenly lifted off his chest.
——————————
“Shinei, do you ever get weird dreams?”
Shin raised his head at the sound of the young voice. He was at the park with his cousins, Frederica and Kiriya, though the latter had gone off to get his sister ice cream from a nearby stand.
“Where is this coming from?”
The girl shrugged, dangling her legs off the edge of the bench they sat on. “Every night, I get this dream over and over again… it’s hard to make out, but I see Kiri in them. But they get a little… scary.”
This caught Shin’s full attention. “Scary… how? A nightmare?”
Frederica nodded. “I haven’t told Kiri, but in my dreams, I see myself as a princess. Kiri is there too, playing with me, and protecting me from evil monsters.”
“Is that the scary part? Sounds like Kiriya needs to lay off the nickname,” Shin teased.
Frederica puffed her cheeks out. “Be serious, Shinei! I don’t understand it… it doesn’t feel like a dream. It was more like… a memory. It’s like I was really there! And I wasn’t myself… I was looking through Kiri’s eyes.”
Her description sounded a lot like Shin’s experience with his dreams. Although he didn’t remember them as vividly as she did.
“And then suddenly, I couldn’t see myself anymore… I think me and Kiri were separated. Then I saw a big flag with my royal mantle on it… and it gets blurry from there.” She paused in thought. “I felt so many emotions… when I woke up, Kiri was there. He said I was crying in my sleep.”
“I see… this dream… it happens every night?”
“Just about. Can dreams happen over and over again?” She asked.
Shin shook his head. “I don’t really know… but I think I understand what you mean. I don’t remember the dreams I had lately, but I know they were… different. Like it wasn’t a dream at all.”
They sat in silence. Shin processed what Frederica had told him. If she were experiencing the same things… maybe he wasn’t crazy after all.
Shin spotted Kiriya making his way over, holding frozen treats for each of them. “Princess, are you bothering Shin with your conspiracies again?”
“Hey! No, I’m not! We were having a very interesting conversation!”
“Oh, yeah? What about?”
Frederica caught her tongue. “Uh…! Uhm… ice cream!”
Kiriya rolled his eyes and handed her a cone. She accepted it gratefully and began eating. Kiriya handed Shin a packaged ice cream sandwich.
“Thanks,” He said.
“It’s been a while since we’ve seen you. Have you been busy?” Kiriya asked. He was older than Shin by a few years, so the only times they saw each other were when they weren’t at school or work. They arranged outings often, but given Shin’s mood in the last few weeks, he hadn’t gotten around to seeing them.
“Something like that. I’m glad to be here, though. The change of pace is nice.” Shin looked around at the scenery. The trees were dropping orange and red leaves, some picking up with the wind. One flew by and landed on Frederica’s head.
“Ahh! Bug! There’s a bug in my hair, Kiri! Kill it!” She flailed, hardly allowing her brother to pick the leaf off her head.
“Hold still! It’s just a leaf, Princess, calm down! Here…” He finally managed to pluck it away.
Frederica immediately stopped her act and smiled mischievously. “Yeah, I knew that. You’re just so funny when you’re worried!”
“You rascal, I swear…”
Shin laughed at their exchange. It really had been a few weeks since they’d seen each other. Frederica was a carefree soul, but her brother was much more strict and reserved, always following rules to a high standard. Shin always thought he was a little too stiff.
The two squabbled like little kids, and they quickly forgot Shin was there. He unwrapped his treat and ate slowly, taking in the moment. A quiet autumn afternoon. His study session with Lena yesterday must’ve done the trick, because even at school today, he was more like himself.
Maybe things weren’t so—
”I’ll kill you.”
Shin’s blood ran cold.
”I’LL KILL YOU.”
”I’LL KILL YOU. I’LL KILL YOU. I’LL KILL YOU I’LL KILL YOU I’LL KILL YOU I’LL—“
The familiar voice filled his ears. An angry, broken voice. It was Kiriya’s.
”I’LL KILL ANYONE WHO THREATENS THE PRINCESS.”
“Shin!!”
Shin snapped out of his daze with a gasp. Kiriya was in front of him, shaking his shoulders and staring him down.
“I’ve been calling your name for three minutes… what happened to you?!”
“You wouldn’t speak or blink!” Frederica was on the brink of tears.
Shin blinked, still processing what had just happened. “I—I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“Are you feeling—“
“I’m fine!” He snapped, standing abruptly. He didn’t mean to get angry, but he’d been asked that question so many times that it was starting to get exhausting. “I’m… I’m okay. I should get going… thanks for the outing, you two.”
“Wait, Shinei! You can’t stay a little longer?”
Shin patted her on the head. “I just remembered I have a lot of schoolwork to take care of. I’m sorry, Frederica… I’ll see you another time, okay?”
Kiriya eyed him suspiciously. “Alright, then… good luck with that.”
Shin waved at them before setting off in a speed walk.
Dammit… dammit, dammit, dammit!
——————————
It was getting worse.
Whenever he was around certain people, the voices would grow louder. He would hear them in his head; screaming something he’d never imagine them saying. Calling out for him. Painful cries of sorrow and anger, as if they were their final words in a slow, painful death.
They called to him. Took hold of him. Begged him for mercy, begged to be saved, begged for a world where they weren’t subjected to such cruelty.
But Shin didn’t know why. He wasn’t God; he had no power over these voices. He had no power to quiet them down, nor could he save them from whatever they cried for.
The visions came in waves, as well.
A meteor shower, metallic butterflies, blades, guns, a field of lycoris. Flashes of color. Blue. White. Grey. Black. Red. Silver.
Not just thoughts, not just hallucinations. They were memories.
Only, they weren’t his own.
——————————
A loud crashing sound nearly made Yuuna jump through the roof.
It sounded like glass breaking, followed by a painful shout. Yuuna quickly stood, dropping the book she was reading onto the ground and followed the direction of the sound. It came from the bathroom.
When she opened the door, however, she was met with a rather horrifying scene.
The bathroom mirror was shattered at the center. Glass scattered everywhere, and the scariest part was seeing Shin on the ground, sitting with his back against the wall and trembling like a frightened animal, eyes wider than ever and hands bloody with shards of glass stuck in his skin.
“Oh my goodness… Shin!” Yuuna dropped to her knees, careful to avoid the glass on the ground, and cupped her son’s face in her hands, attempting to get his attention. “Shin, honey, look at me! What happened here?!”
He was mumbling incoherently, staring off into the distance. He didn’t acknowledge Yuuna’s touch nor her words. He breathed deeply and rapidly, each breath having a light wheeze to it.
Yuuna was terrified. Through a shaky voice, she called out. “Reisha! Reisha, come quick!”
Her husband rushed in at her sudden call. “Yuuna! What’s—“ he took in the sight, eyes wide and as horrified as she was.
“Get help, now! He won’t respond to anything… something’s wrong!”
Reisha wasted no time pulling his phone out and dialing emergency services. He rushed out of the bathroom, hopefully to alert Rei, and Yuuna turned her attention back to Shin.
“Baby… look at me. I’m right here… don’t get lost, stay here! I need you to look at me, Shinei!” Her words were frantic and desperate. Shin still gave no response. Yuuna maneuvered around him so that she was holding him in her arms.
“Won’t… go away… I can’t…!” He muttered so softly that Yuuna almost didn’t catch it. “Go away… go away…” He shifted against her hold, but Yuuna held him firm.
“Stay still, Shin… you’re hurt, but you’re going to be okay. Listen to my voice, alright? Can you hear me?” She gently swept his hair away from his face. His hand clutched her skirt desperately, as if trying to ground himself. “That’s it… I’m right here. Stay right here with me, okay? You’re going to be just fine.”
She continued to reassure him, hoping her voice would bring him back to reality. Soon enough, paramedics entered the scene, Reisha and Shourei close behind.
Shin remained leaning against Yuuna, still struggling slightly as the paramedics questioned him and examined his hands. It was clear he was terrified. Strangers were talking to him, touching him, surrounding him. Yuuna made sure to keep whispering reassurances to keep him calm.
A paramedic worked to remove the glass shards from Shin’s hands. “Shinei, is it?” He began. Of course, he was met with no response. “Don’t be scared, kid. We’re gonna patch you up and take great care of you. Do you know where you are?”
Shin only groaned, leaning his head on Yuuna’s shoulder in an attempt to block out the medic. Yuuna placed her palm on his forehead in comfort. Tears streamed down his cheeks silently, dampening her sweater. He was still shaking, but he was nowhere near hostile.
The medic finished wrapping his hands in gauze, and turned to Yuuna. “Does he have a history of psychosis?”
“Psychosis?!” The question caught her off guard. Though she knew they were only trying to help, it still worried her that they’d suggest such a thing. “This… this is the first time something like this has happened. He’s been acting weird lately, but I didn’t think…”
“I’m sorry, sir…” Reisha cut in. “My wife is in distress. Can we save this for later, when things are more calm?”
The medic bowed his head. “I apologize. It’s just easier to get more information sooner rather than later. But I understand why you may be distraught. We’ll take him to the hospital for a better evaluation.”
He spoke to his co worker, and then into his walkie talkie. Before Yuuna knew it, Reisha was in front of her, gently prying her arms off of Shin.
When she resisted, he took her hand. “I’m just going to carry him away from the glass. It’s okay, Yuuna.”
Yuuna snapped back to reality, and loosened her hold, allowing Reisha to scoop her son into his arms. Shin’s body tensed at the sudden movement, his eyes squeezing shut as more tears fell. Rei and Yuuna followed behind as Reisha brought him outside to the ambulance. A paramedic helped Reisha lie him down on a gurney, securing belts over his legs and waist for his safety.
Only one person was allowed in the ambulance, so Yuuna stayed with Shin while Shourei and Reisha stayed behind to clean up the glass. The two of them stood outside, watching as Shin was whisked away, Yuuna never leaving his side. His eyes were still shut tight, and his face was twisted in distress.
“We’ll meet you at the hospital. Make sure he’s not left alone!” Reisha called out.
Yuuna nodded, unable to form words. Her eyes were glued to her son as he was loaded into the ambulance. Yuuna climbed in after, sitting down and taking his hand in hers. Her other hand cradled his head and stroked his hair softly with her thumb.
His eyes cracked open slightly as his body finally relaxed, the fight now drained out of him. “Mom…” Shin muttered.
“I’m right here… I won’t go anywhere, baby. You’re safe.”
“Where… what’s happening…?”
“We’re going to the hospital. You’re in good hands, Shin, they’re going to take care of you.” She wiped away the lingering tears in his eyes.
“Don’t go…” His voice was hardly above a whisper.
“I’m right here with you. There’s nothing to be scared of.”
His eyes locked on the ceiling of the ambulance. Those distant, lifeless red eyes. She had never seen them so empty.
Yuuna knew there was more to what was happening. She knew… and yet she didn’t consider the signs when she saw them. She wanted to believe it was nothing… and that led Shin here. She would never forgive herself.
The ride was spent in silence. Paramedics spoke in hushed voices, examining Shin and cleaning cuts on Yuuna’s legs that she hadn’t realized were there. Yuuna didn’t let go of his hand even for a second.
——————————
Hospitals were a morbid place.
Stark white walls, antiseptic smells, a quiet yet tense environment. The air was filled with the passive sound of monitors and chatter from nearby nurses. The psychiatric unit was no different.
Patients here didn’t have a physical illness. They weren’t here for a broke arm or a surgery. While patients were at risk to their physical health, it was usually a result of an underlying illness of the mind.
It wasn’t like the horror movies depicted, however; it was a hospital ward like any other. People came here to be treated, to be taken care of when they’re struggling. It wasn’t nearly as scary as rumors had it, although not any less nerve wracking than any other place in the hospital.
It was quiet. Patients were likely asleep around this time, and the same held true for Shin.
After hours of physical exams, blood tests, cognitive exams, and various poking and prodding, he was finally left alone to rest after the evening he had.
Reisha studied his son’s face from where he stood at the end of the bed. Yuuna sat beside him, her hands laid protectively on his arm. She had been so scared this whole time, so Reisha volunteered to answer any questions the doctor had.
Shourei wasn’t present; they would only allow legal guardians in the room for the time being. He was currently in the waiting room, filling out whatever records he could.
Reisha tapped his foot as he tried to understand the situation. “So that’s it, then? Is that the diagnosis?”
“Psychosis is more of a symptom of another illness, but it can be treated and managed all the same,” The doctor explained. “It can come and go, which explains why he’s much calmer than before. Your wife informed us that he was more coherent in the ambulance than when the episode began.”
“That’s correct… but what does this mean for him?” Reisha asked. “What’s causing this?”
“It’s not easy to diagnose these conditions without a history of symptoms, especially not in adolescents. Normally, symptoms would have to persist for several months in order to get an accurate diagnosis. Once we get his bloodwork back, we’ll be able to see if it’s caused by any sort of toxin or illness.”
“He’s been off for a few weeks now… we all thought it was just a mood change, but a few days ago he had this… delusion.”
“How so?” The doctor asked.
“He doesn’t remember it, but our eldest son went to check on him in the middle of the night. He woke up frightened, even kicked his brother away, thinking he was in danger. We believed it was only a nightmare, but now…” Reisha trailed off.
The doctor wrote something down in a notepad. “Was that the only instance?”
“As far as we know, yes.” Yuuna looked up. “Though there may be more he was hiding from us. Shinei was never exactly an open book.”
“We’ll monitor him for now. If he shows improvement, he can be released in a few days.”
“Days…?!” Yuuna exclaimed.
“It’s the best way to insure his safety while we monitor his condition.” He placed his notepad in his pocket and secured the pen to his coat. “You can rest assured he’ll be in good hands.”
Yuuna sighed in relief. “As long as we can be with him…”
The doctor nodded. “I’ll give you both some time, then.” With that, he left the room.
Reisha walked over to his wife, who hardly acknowledged him when he sat beside her and wrapped his arm around her waist. Her eyes were glued to Shin, who slept soundly, clad in a thin hospital gown.
“I was so stupid… why did I let it get this bad?” She said.
“None of this was your doing.” He took her face in his palm and turned it towards him, wiping away her tears with his thumb. “Look at me, Yuuna. This wasn’t your fault. I want to hear you say it.”
Her crimson eyes looked at him with grief and guilt. “This… this wasn’t…” She didn’t finish her sentence. She broke down sobbing, hiding her face in Reisha’s chest. He ran his fingers through her hair, planting soft kisses on her scalp.
When they’d first gotten engaged, neither of their families approved. Some ancient history between Onyx and Pyrope nobles that no one cared to remember. Yuuna was told that if she bore children with a man like him, their blood would be cursed. They told her she could never be a good mother to mixed-blooded children. That no matter how hard she tried, she would meet punishment for her crime, whether it came to her, or her kin.
Of course, neither of them ever believed it. And Reisha still didn’t. But Yuuna had a fragile heart. Being told such things to her face when she was only a young woman in love was detrimental, and now she believed she was living that curse, that she hadn’t tried hard enough as a mother to keep her children safe from harm.
“Everything will be alright… we’ll get through this.”
Shin began to stir, startling Yuuna. He was given a light sedative to help him rest, so he didn’t wake up fully. Instead, his face twisted in his sleep, and his hand gripped the blanket. Yuuna took his hand in hers and massaged it gently.
“I’m going to update Shourei,” Reisha said, standing with his hand still on Yuuna’s back. “I can get you something, if you want. Water, coffee…”
“No…” She said quietly, eyes fixed on Shin. “No, I’m… I’m alright.”
“You haven’t eaten in hours. I’ll get you a small snack and some water, alright?” He leaned down and kissed her again before making his way to the door.
He walked down the quiet halls of the hospital, stopping by a vending machine to buy a protein bar and a bottle of water. He then made his way to the waiting room, where Rei was nose deep in paperwork.
“I’m sorry we pushed this on you,” Reisha said, talking the papers from Rei’s hands. “I can take the rest from here.”
“It’s not a problem,” Rei said, though his fatigued face showed otherwise. “How is he?”
“He’s sleeping. We don’t know exactly what’s happening, but they’re saying it was psychosis.”
“Damn it…” Rei whispered, bringing his palm to his forehead. “Is mom alright?”
“She’ll be okay. She’s just… shaken.” Reisha reviewed the paperwork Rei was working on. “I’ll be staying the night here. Your mother insisted on herself staying, but… she needs to rest. Can you make sure she’s alright tonight?”
“Yeah, of course.”
Reisha wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulders. “Thanks for being strong. Make sure you get some sleep as well, alright?”
Rei nodded. Truth be told, Reisha needed sleep as well. But he’d barely managed to get permission to stay the night at the hospital, and he wasn’t going to pass it up, even if it meant sleeping uncomfortably in a chair or waking up to nurses checking Shin’s vitals every hour. He was only sixteen… he shouldn’t have to be without his parents in such a terrifying time, and Reisha had been useless enough when he’d disregarded Yuuna’s concerns when this all started.
He was going to do things right this time. As he returned to the room, he found Yuuna fast asleep, her head resting carelessly against Shin’s bed. She must have been exhausted.
Reisha brushed crimson strands away from her eyes. “Love, you’re going to hurt your back like this… why don’t I have Rei take you home?”
She groaned as she stirred awake. “Need to… be here…”
“You’re exhausted. You need rest. I’ll be here with him, don’t worry about a thing.”
“Mmh.”
In spite of the stress of the past few hours, Reisha couldn’t help but smile. He could clearly see where Shin got his stubbornness from, as well as his ability to sleep in an instant. He noticed how similar their faces looked as they slept.
“Ten minutes, but then you’re going home to rest.” He lifted her hand from the bed and pressed the water bottle into it. “Everything will be alright.”
She didn’t respond, and Reisha was sure she had fallen back asleep. The sight lifted a small bit of the weight from his chest.
——————————
Hospital rooms were surprisingly cold, and the psychiatric unit only allowed for thin anti-suffocation blankets. If another nightmare didn’t send Shin into a spiral, the unfair hospitality just might.
Shin was lying down on his side, fidgeting with the hospital bracelet on his wrist that had his name and medical ID. He hadn’t had much to do since he’d been here. His “thoughts” still refused to quiet down. Even when he slept, he felt like they were still there.
It drove him mad. That was why he was here in the first place. It got too much, and suddenly he was seeing things in the mirror that weren’t there. The next thing he knew, the glass was shattered, and he vaguely recalled his mother holding him tight as the world crumbled around him.
She was sitting on a small couch on the right side of his bed, reading a book. Shin had his back to her; he couldn’t bear to see her face after the distress he caused.
His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. He heard his father’s voice peek into the room as the door opened.
“Shin, there’s someone here to see you!” He said, oddly enthusiastic.
Shin didn’t lift his head. He didn’t want to see anyone, especially not when he was like this. It didn’t matter who—
“Shin?”
His eyes widened, both in surprise and embarrassment. A flash of silver caught his vision, and he sat up so quickly it made his head spin. “Lena…!”
She stood at the foot of his bed, and after placing down what she was holding, she sprinted to him and embraced him in a hug. “Oh, Shin… I was so worried…!”
“But… how are you here?”
“Your brother brought me here. You weren’t home when I tried bringing your schoolwork. Shin, I’m so sorry. I wish I’d known…” Her voice faltered. “You were struggling, ever since that morning with the vase… why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t understand what was happening… and I still don’t.” She took his hands in hers. “I’ve been so confused… I’m hearing and seeing things, but no one ever believes me.”
Yuuna walked over and laid her hand on Shin’s shoulder. “Take it easy, sweetheart.” She turned to Lena. “He had a hard night yesterday. Everything’s been fine so far, but he’ll need monitoring for a little longer. I’m sorry, Lena, for making you worry like this.”
“It’s no trouble at all, Mrs. Nouzen. I’m just happy to be here. Now…” She reached for her bag, pulled out a book, and handed it to him. “I hear reading is a good distraction when you’re going through a tough time. I picked this one out myself. I remember you telling me history was your favorite subject, so I thought…”
Shin examined the book in his hands. It was a war novel, titled All Quiet on the Western Front. It was historical literature, but Shin had never read it before. “…Thank you.”
“Of course. I think it’ll help keep your mind off things. I’m here for you, Shin, so don’t hesitate to lean on me, alright?”
She said it with such sincerity it broke Shin’s heart. He was so scared that she’d never want to be around him after this. After all, there was no telling when he’d have another breakdown and end up hurting her.
Her gaze flew to her feet. “There’s… something I want to ask you, Shin.”
He raised his head and locked eyes with her.
“You’ll be out of here in the next few days, right? Then I was wondering…” She swayed nervously, looking to Yuuna. The latter nodded at her with a smile. “Do you want to come with me to the formal?”
Shin froze. She was asking him… after everything. “You… you mean…”
Her pale face flushed a bright red. “As… as a date. If you’re up for it… I’d really love it if we went together.”
Shin was speechless. All this time he was afraid she would reject him. All this time… even before all of this happened. She was asking him while he sat in a hospital bed, likely looking like a huge mess.
“I… I would love to.”
“Hold on, you two,” Yuuna began. “Don’t get ahead of yourselves. As lovely as this is, we’ll have to talk to the doctor before he sets off to a school dance.”
“I’ll get better, Mom, I swear. You don’t have to worry about me.”
She rested her cheek in her palm and smiled. “You kids… well, I approve of it, as long as you’re well enough to go.”
Lena clutched her bag, beaming with nervous excitement. She moved forward and hugged him again, this time for much longer. He could feel her warmth, her heartbeat, and it grounded him. For a moment, he felt he would be alright.
Until something caught his vision.
From over Lena’s shoulder, something shiny and metallic rose above her head. A blade-like object, rising slowly… and coming down, straight for her neck.
But when he blinked… it was gone.
“Shin?” Lena was looking at him with concern. “Is everything okay? You just froze.”
“It’s, uh… it’s nothing.”
It wasn’t nothing. But they would never believe me.
——————————
“Shin’s in the hospital?”
“What happened?!”
“Is he going to die?!!”
Lena raised her palms as she was bombarded with questions. “Calm down! And, no, Kurena, he’s not dying.”
Kurena sat back in his seat, relieved. “But why is he in the hospital?”
“His parents only asked me to share that much. I’m afraid I don’t know much about it myself… but he will be alright.”
“I take it we can’t visit him,” Raiden said.
Lena shook her head. “I was barely able to see him myself. I wouldn’t want to push his parents’ boundaries, so I haven’t been since.”
It was Friday when Lena had visited Shin. Now it was Monday, and he still hadn’t been discharged. Lena was beginning to worry.
“I’ll say, it’s no surprise he’s sick. He was really out of it last week,” Theo said. “I hope he’s alright.”
“I’m sure he’ll be okay,” Anju said. “What if we all made him cards? Since we can’t see him directly, I think it’ll make him less lonely.”
Lena perked up at the idea. “Hey… we should! He would love that!”
“The five of us can make him a card, and we’ll have an extra for signatures from other people! That’s an amazing idea, Anju!” Kurena stood from her seat, rushing off to find paper.
“I think he’d definitely be embarrassed,” Raiden said. “But I’m here for it.”
Lena beamed with delight. Shin really had no idea how much he was cared for.
Once they’d completed the cards, they went around the room collecting signatures from their other friends. Even Shiden, who always butted heads with Shin, volunteered to sign it.
Lena giggled. “I know you care about him too, Shiden, you can’t hide it from me.”
“I can’t kick his ass if he’s sick. Send him my regards,” She said. She picked up her pen and signed the card, even adding a little note, telling him Get well soon, Lady Killer!
“I will,” Lena said. “Thank you.”
——————————
The day Shin would be discharged from the hospital had finally arrived, and not a moment too soon.
He sat on the edge of the bed, finally dressed in regular clothes, engrossed in the book Lena had given him.
Shin spent the last few days with his nose deep in the book, claiming it was a good distraction. The doctor agreed, delighted that Shin was finding healthy coping mechanisms in the midst of the chaos of exams and counseling sessions. Above all, Shin was excited to finally go home so he could prepare for his spontaneous date with Lena.
He still had a few days, of course. But he was practically bouncing off the walls after Lena had left that day. She really did bring out the best in him.
His mood was still up and down. While he had some pretty frightening moments over the last few days, he hadn’t had another major episode, which the doctor counted to be good progress.
“We’ll start him on this for now. Be sure to pick it up from the hospital’s pharmacy as you leave.” The doctor handed Reisha a slip of paper containing a prescription and a signature. “It’s a low dosage, and paired with regular counseling, I’m confident he’ll improve. Bring him in for a follow up in a few weeks, but come back immediately if he has another episode.”
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“You hear that, Shin?” Yuuna called out. “You’ve even impressed the doctor!”
Shin held a thumbs up, still laser focused on the book. Yuuna laughed, partly in amusement and partly in relief.
He finally took his eyes off of it when a discharge nurse arrived. When prompted to move to a wheelchair, he obeyed, but held a confused look on his face. “I can walk on my own…”
“I’m sure you can, dear, this is just our little courtesy!”
Her words didn’t seem to make any sense to him, but he didn’t argue further. Yuuna took hold of the wheelchair while Reisha and Shourei walked close behind.
Yuuna noticed Shin tense as they walked through the hospital. He hadn’t been outside his room much, so the atmosphere must’ve been intimidating. “Everything alright?”
“Mom… I haven’t had the chance to apologize.”
She was take aback at this. “Apologize? What for?”
“I made you cry. I really scared you… I’m sorry.”
Yuuna sighed with a smile. She leaned down and kissed Shin on the top of his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for. The only thing that’s important to me is that you’re okay. That’s all I’ve ever cared about, sweetheart.”
Shin hummed lightly, his eyes on the closed book in his lap. Sitting on the book, however, were several get-well cards sent by his friends. “They were all really worried about me. I didn’t expect them to care so much… it’s not like I was dying, you know? Still… it felt nice.”
Among the cards was one signed by all of his friends. Little doodles were drawn alongside names and notes, and Shin was surprised at the fact that his classmate, Shiden, had signed it as well.
His thumb rested on an elegant signature near the bottom of the page, complete with a doodle of a bunny rabbit. Lena’s signature.
She wasn’t able to visit as much as she wanted, so she gave the cards to Rei to bring to the hospital. Yuuna would never forget the look on Shin’s face when he opened them. She swore she could see every last bit of tension leave his body in an instant. Even now, he seemed more relaxed just looking at it again.
Reisha picked up Shin’s medication, and before they knew it, they were home. Shin didn’t even make the effort to go to his room, instead crashing into the couch in relief. Yuuna laughed at how childish the gesture was, throwing a blanket over him once she realized he’d fallen asleep. Fido hopped on the couch, barking in excitement at Shin’s arrival, and curled up next to him.
“Already, huh?” Rei said. “He must’ve really hated it there. Should I take him to his room?”
“Let’s leave him be. I wouldn’t want to wake him. Besides, can you even carry him anymore?” Yuuna asked.
When Shin was young, Rei always spoiled him by carrying him around whenever he’d fall asleep in weird places. Of course, it didn’t last when he got older, and Shin thought it to be embarrassing to be carried by his brother.
“I guess he is too big for that, now.”
——————————
“Shin! You’re here!”
Shin didn’t return to school immediately after he’d come home from the hospital. His parents thought it’d be best for him to recuperate at home to prevent him from being overwhelmed, but to be honest, he was getting restless.
It was now Thursday. The formal was Friday night, and he still couldn’t believe what Lena had asked him that day. He watched as she sprinted towards him and gave him a big hug, much to his surprise—and delight, of course.
His friends followed behind her, and Shin felt so relieved to see them again.
“Welcome back, man,” Raiden said. “How are you holding up?”
“I’m… hanging in there,” Shin said, smiling nervously. “Thank you for the cards. It was really nice of you guys.”
“Anytime,” Anju said. “We’re glad you’re okay.”
“About time you came back,” Theo grumbled. “Kurena wouldn’t shut up. She kept thinking you were gonna die…”
“I did not! Theo, you jerk!”
Lena rolled her eyes at the exchange, and turned back to Shin. “Are you really doing better? I understand if you need to take it easy today—“
Shin laughed softly. “I’ll be just fine, don’t worry. We’re still on for tomorrow, right?”
Lena stiffened. Her face went fully red as all eyes flew to her. What Shin didn’t realize, was that Lena hadn’t told a soul about her “proposal” to Shin.
“Tomorrow?!” Kurena exclaimed. “Y-you mean…!”
Theo pushed her face aside before she could say any more. “You really asked her?! Man! I’m so proud of you!”
“To think he got the guts now of all times,” Raiden said. “Good for you, Shin!”
“Actually…” Shin stammered, now embarrassed for both him and Lena. He looks to her as she blushed even harder, hiding her face in her uniform collar, but nodded nonetheless. “It was Lena who asked, when she came to see me in the hospital.”
“Did she, now?” Anju said, smiling mischievously. “And here I thought she was more scared than you were.”
“Okay, okay, enough!” Lena laughed. “Sorry I didn’t tell you guys… this week has been a mess.”
“Don’t sweat it! I’m happy for you two.” As Theo spoke, he struggled with keeping his hand over Kurena’s mouth. When she broke free, Theo made a run for it, Kurena chasing after him while screaming obscenities.
“They do know we have to be in class in a few minutes, right…?” Anju asked. “Should we help him?”
“He brought this on himself. Let’s go before she runs after us, too,” Raiden said.
Shin found himself laughing harder than he had in a while. Even when he had been at school, he hadn’t been there. He’d been too absorbed in his own mind that he forgot he even had people who could make him laugh like this. It felt like a breath of fresh air.
They walked together to class. Shin had too much work to catch up on, but the teachers understood his situation and were very lenient. He spent the day catching up on whatever he could, talking to his friends, and helping Lena with the final preparations during his break times.
The gymnasium was stunning. Lena had really worked hard to make this happen, as did everyone who volunteered to help.
It made Shin feel sad. He hadn’t helped out as much as he wanted to, even though he knew it wasn’t his fault. He wanted to make Lena proud, but it was too late now.
That’s when she walked up to him and handed him a large flower vase with beautiful patterns painted across it. He didn’t hold its weight completely, as she carried it with him. “We wanted these on both sides of the stage. It’s the very last thing we need, and I was wondering if you wanted to add them.”
Shin stiffened, remembering the ceramic he broke when this all started. “Lena, I…”
”I’ll be right here with you. We’ll carry it together, so you don’t have to worry. If it did fall and break… then we can both take the blame for it, right?” She smiled. A smile so genuine he couldn’t believe it was for him.
Shin steadied his hands. She was right; he didn’t have to carry his burdens alone. He was allowed to ask for help. He was allowed to lean on someone. He was allowed to shoulder the weight with someone who was willing.
”Alright,” He said.
Together, they were able to place down both vases with no problem. Shin’s hands didn’t shake even once.
With that, the preparations were complete. As they looked upon the finished decor, Lena’s hand snuck into Shin’s, and she said the words he didn’t know he was waiting to hear. “You don’t have to carry it alone.”
He didn’t know if he would ever stop hearing voices in his head. He didn’t know how long he would be okay. But, for now, if he could ground himself, if he could cling to what made this life special to him… he could get through it just fine.
——————————
“Hold still!”
“Mom, it looks fine—”
“Don’t argue, young man.”
Shin stood in front of a mirror, clad in a black tuxedo that he felt very stuffy in. The outfit was nice, he wouldn’t deny it, but these sorts of things had never been his style.
His mother stood behind him, running her fingers through his hair and attempting to flatten stray hairs, much to no avail. Giving up entirely, she took in the sight in the mirror and smiled warmly.
“Don’t make that face…” Shin grumbled.
“Oh, I can’t help it! You just look so handsome!” She leaned down and kissed his cheek. “I’m so proud of you.”
Shin couldn’t help but crack a smile. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Are we ready to go?” Reisha stuck his head in the room. “I’m surprised you didn’t get asked out by the whole school. Your mother’s got quite the talent.”
Shin looked down awkwardly. He’d be lying if he said this wasn’t a little embarrassing, but embarrassment had been the least of his problems lately.
“I’m ready to go, if Mom would lay off my hair for more than 3 seconds,” Shin joked, before his mind went somewhere else. “…Did I take my medicine?!”
“Yes, Shin,” Yuuna said, amused. “I watched you take it and I wrote it down. You need to focus on having fun today, understand?”
Shin sighed in relief. “Yeah… you’re right. I’m just a little nervous.”
“Anyone would be, Shin. Just relax and enjoy yourself. Don’t be scared to step away if you get overwhelmed.”
“I’ll be alright, Mom. We should go… I don’t want to be late.”
“Hold it!” Rei bolted into the room with a small camera in his hands. “Not until I’ve captured this!”
“Hey, stop pointing that thing at me!” Shin maneuvered around his brother to avoid the camera.
“Come on, just one picture! Please!”
After what felt like an eternity, Shin finally made it to school. He waved goodbye to his parents—and Rei, who was still trying to sneak photos—and began his search for Lena.
Other students were filing into the school, arms interlocked with their dates, looking elegant and confident. Shin, on the other hand, stood around awkwardly, like a lost child looking for their mother in a grocery store.
No time for dumb analogies, Shin thought to himself. Finally, his eye caught long silver hair. When Lena spotted him, she rushed over, her steps slightly wobbly in her heels.
She looked… stunning. Her dress was a perfect shade of red that draped down to her ankles. She wore matching gloves that reached right below her biceps, and a ribbon flowed with her hair. She lifted her dress as she walked, like a princess at a grand ball.
“I found you! You look amazing!” She beamed.
Shin stood speechless for a moment before pulling himself together. “Y-you too…! You look beautiful. I, uh…” This was the part where he was supposed to offer her his arm. He cleared his throat and held it out. “Should we head in?”
She smiled warmly at his gesture, and interlocked her own arm in his. “We shall,” she said.
They walked together, alongside other students and their dates. As expected, everyone inside was having a blast, dancing together and enjoying the treats laid out. The music was upbeat, and colorful lights flickered across the dance floor.
It was a little overwhelming, and for a moment, Shin was afraid he couldn’t handle it. But one gentle squeeze of his arm from Lena brought him back, and he remembered his anchor.
And so they began the night. They started with tasting sweets, which pleased even Shin. The chocolate covered strawberries were his favorite. They had a perfect ratio of sweet and sour, which he appreciated. Lena, of course, loved the strawberry cupcakes.
“You know…” She began. “I’ve always noticed. Why do strawberry flavored treats only ever taste sweet, but actual strawberries are more sour?”
Shin paused in thought. “Hmm… I’m not sure. I guess we’ll never know.”
Throughout the night, they mingled with their friends and enjoyed the party music. Raiden commented on how Shin had two left feet when he danced, and he couldn’t agree more.
Lena didn’t care, however, because when a slow dance began, she pulled Shin to the dance floor with no questions asked.
“Ah… Lena, Raiden wasn’t kidding, you know… I’m a terrible dancer.”
She laughed as she placed her hands on his shoulders. “Just go with the flow, Shin, it’s easy! Just follow my lead.”
Shin nodded nervously, and placed his hands on her waist. He thought it to be a bold gesture, though everyone else seemed to be doing it as well, so he followed along.
They swayed with the music, their bodies perfectly in sync. Shin did as Lena told him and didn’t overthink the dance. He focused on her, and only her.
They must’ve danced for a while, because all the twisting and turning had made them both dizzy. They laughed as they moved to a stop and caught their breath. Slow dancing wasn’t tough, but one could get lost in it very easily.
A new song came on, and Lena turned back to Shin. “Ready to go again?” She asked.
Shin was prepared to say yes, but was suddenly overcome by vertigo as his thoughts grew in volume. He stumbled over, but Lena was there to keep him steady. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah… just tired… I’m sorry, Lena…” He didn’t tell her he could keep going, because he really couldn’t.
“It’s alright. Do you need a break?” She asked, her eyes softening.
Shin blushed lightly, but nodded. Lena took his hand and led him away from the crowd of students and outside into the courtyard. It was much more peaceful here, as the music was quiet and the fountain made for soothing noise.
They sat together by the fountain. Shin shut his eyes and breathed deeply, Lena keeping her hand on his back. He exhaled, feeling much more relaxed.
“Better?” Lena asked.
Shin nodded weakly. “Yeah… thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to pull you away from the party.”
“As long as I’m with you, I’ll be just fine. We’ll head back in only once you’re up for it.”
Shin smiled at the gesture, but couldn’t help but feel terrible inside. “Lena… can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Do you believe in parallel universes?” He asked. He didn’t know where this was coming from. Perhaps it was just his idea of small talk.
She cocked her head. “Parallel?”
Shin nodded. “Like… like our world. Where we are the same people… but the world was different. Like the decisions we or other people made impacted where we are now.”
Lena hummed. “That is interesting… well, in another universe, if I hadn’t asked you to help me with those streamers, I might’ve gotten hurt falling from that ladder.”
“I… I’ve never thought of that.”
“Or, maybe… there’s a world out there where we met in completely different circumstances. One where we weren’t lucky enough to just be a couple of teenagers in high school. I guess that theory could either be small changes, or drastic ones.”
“Hmm?” Shin mused. “What kind of circumstances?”
“Oh, I don’t know! Don’t ask me, Shin!” She let out a laugh. “I’m just glad to be in this world. I’m glad to have met you… and I’m glad that we’re happy.”
“Do you think…” Shin hesitated. “Do you think the world could’ve been a crueler place? That we… weren’t happy?”
“If there is such a world out there, I think our counterparts will find happiness, no matter what comes their way.” She took hold of his hand. “All that matters to me, though, is this world. I think what we have here is more than enough.”
“You say that, even with the way I am… with the things I burden you with.”
“You’ll never be a burden to me, Shin.” Lena reached up and brushed his cheek with her hand. “I meant it when I said you wouldn’t be carrying this alone.”
Shin leaned into the touch. “I don’t want to feel this way… like there’s something wrong with me. Like everything I say is a delusion…”
She pulled him into a hug. “We’re real, Shin. I believe in you. You’re so much stronger than you think.”
“But what if it all falls apart? What if I really am messed up?”
“Then I’ll be there to hold you together. You’d do the same for me, right?”
Shin hummed, leaning into her embrace. A sudden popping noise filled his ears, but this time…
“Is that…” Lena began.
“…Fireworks?”
“Oh, they’re beautiful! Do you see them, Shin? Look!” Lena exclaimed.
“I see them. It’s breathtaking…”
The multicolored sparks filled the night sky. Lena turned to face Shin, her eyes dreamy.
“This is what I want you to focus on, Shin. Don’t spend your time trapped by your struggles. You don’t have to face this world alone.”
She took his face in her palms, and he brought his hand up over hers.
“I love you, Shinei Nouzen.”
Shin’s heart skipped a beat. He never expected those words out of her mouth. A shaky smile crept on his face as he found the courage to return them.
“I love you, Vladilena Milizé.”
Before he could react, her lips made contact with his. He didn’t resist. He didn’t pull away and overthink the interaction. He embraced her.
She was his anchor… and he would never let her go.