Chapter Text
Sodachi woke up with a pounding headache and a restless feeling of regret. The regret felt odd in her mind, until she realized that she was not laying in her own bed at home. A foreign bed, above her a foreign ceiling. That didn’t help her confusion any.
A feeling of dread began to creep over her as she looked around. To her right was the edge of the bed, and a bedside table, and some windows. Standard hotel room materials. But to her left was a human-shaped lump of blankets, with black hair sticking out the top.
She was in a hotel room, sharing a bed with someone else. What had happened last night?
As soon as Sodachi began to think about the question, she realized the answer. She had met with a friend the night before to meet up and reconnect. They did that every few months. Sodachi, for the first time in her life, had started drinking. That came after some bitching about work and her personal life… But she didn’t have any memories from after that point? Did she get blackout drunk?
What happened after for them to end up in a hotel room together, sharing a bed?
There was only one answer. Sodachi was naked, after all.
Just like she had never been drunk before, Sodachi had never had sex before. Not out of a lack of interest, just a lack of acceptable partners or time. Or maybe it was a lack of interest. If she really wanted to have sex, she probably could have.
But, apparently, now she had. Her first time, and she didn’t even remember it.
The lump of blankets rolled over in her direction, fully revealing Koyomi Araragi’s sleeping face. Sodachi jumped up in place, but after, realized that she didn’t want to wake him. Gingerly, she removed the blanket from herself and stood up. But in the process, the blanket also fell off of Koyomi, revealing his naked body.
Sodachi stared. An embarrassed blush creeped across her face. She stood like that for a few seconds before catching herself and hurriedly covered him back up with the blanket.
Ideally, she would get herself dressed and out of the hotel room before Koyomi woke up. She rushed to get herself dressed. She would much prefer to take a shower before doing so, because her skin felt grubby and she knew she wouldn’t have been in the state of mind to clean up afterwards. She needed a shower… but she would rather do that at home, without the concern that she might wake up the other resident in the hotel room. She was careful to do everything as quietly as she could.
Finally, she was dressed. She gathered her things and made sure that she wasn’t forgetting anything. Then, before she left, she scribbled down, on a piece of paper, “Whatever happened, it’s your fault.”
The first thing Sodachi did after getting home was shower. A long and extensive shower, cleaning every last part of her body. She didn’t want any part that Koyomi might have touched to go uncleaned.
It wasn’t just that she had sex. It was that she didn’t remember it at all. It was that it was with him. Maybe she wouldn’t feel this way if it was with anyone else. Sodachi struggled to imagine herself having sex with anyone, but if she had to pick someone, then Koyomi would be the last possible choice.
By the time she turned off the water, it had gone tepid, and then cold. She dried herself off haphazardly, eventually giving up and letting the air dry the rest.
Sodachi found herself pacing. Now that the initial shock had worn off, she was left confused and unsure of how to feel about herself. The issue of consent hung in her mind, but she knew that Koyomi wouldn’t rape her. Sure, it was his fault that he hadn’t considered that issue, but if he was as drunk as she was, then she couldn’t really blame him. Neither of them would have been in the right state of mind… Koyomi was married, anyway. Sodachi knew that he loved his wife a lot and would only cheat on her in a moment of failing judgment. A moment of failing judgement just as bad as Sodachi having sex with the person she hates most of all.
Surely, in the moment, she agreed to it. She had no way of knowing what magic Koyomi had pulled out to make her agree to that. Or maybe Sodachi had been the one to come onto him. She had no way of knowing.
The disgust she felt most was aimed towards herself.
By the time she stopped pacing, it was already noon. She tried preparing herself a quick lunch, but when she sat down to eat, she found she had no appetite. She was able to stuff down enough to ensure that she wouldn’t be starving, but she took the message from her body that food shouldn’t be happening at that moment. That only left her more frustrated than before.
She had to address this issue head-on. She found herself in the main room, sitting on the couch, with her phone before her. The best course of action was to talk about this with Koyomi himself. Much as Sodachi loathed the idea.
She swallowed her fear and dialed his number. He picked up on the third ring.
“...Hi.”
“...Hello.”
Sodachi could hear his blush through the phone. It must have been as bad as hers.
There was an awkward pause, but thankfully, Koyomi was the one to break it first. “I’m sorry.” Sodachi could tell he was being sincere. “I know you’re mad at me, but—”
Sodachi interrupted him. “Before you go any further, I want you to know I have no memories of what happened tonight. I only have assumptions based on what scene I woke up in. So you can say anything right now and I will have no choice but to believe you.”
“Either way, I’m only going to say the truth. But I suppose I need to tell you what happened. Ah, um. After dinner last night, we were both quite drunk. We started flirting at some point, and while we were on our way home…”
So it had been mutual.
“Ah, but please don’t tell Hitagi about this. At least not yet. I’ll tell her myself… And you can talk to her later about it, if you want. She can be a vengeful person, so she’ll be mad, but I know she’ll get over it.”
“I wasn’t planning on telling her…” Sodachi just hoped this wouldn’t permanently torch their friendship. She paused for a moment. “Apology accepted, by the way. No hard feelings.” That was a lie, but it was close enough to the truth that she felt fine saying it anyway. So that Koyomi wouldn't be worried about her or their relationship.
After a few more empty lines back and forth, Sodachi hung up. They would talk again about it some other time, once they had both taken the time to calm down and recover.
Sodachi felt traumatized and once again it was the fault of Koyomi Araragi. But like so many other traumas in her life, Sodachi struggled to not blame herself for the heart of the issue. Yet, she didn't want it to drag her down. She wanted to move past it.
No choice but to keep on living.
“I had sex for the first time in my life.”
Sodachi wanted to talk to a neutral party, so she called a friend to talk. They met at a local cafe, a place they often met up and chatted. A public place might make it hard to talk about such a personal issue, but Sodachi was willing to be blunt.
However, she might have picked the wrong neutral party.
“Oh? Who? Tell me all about it.” The friend barraged Sodachi with questions.
“Koyomi.”
When she heard the answer, Tsukihi's face curled up in disgust. “Ew. Why would you tell me that about my own brother? I always thought he was incapable of having sex.”
“He and Hitagi have two children…”
“I thought they reproduced asexually!”
Sodachi cracked a small smile at that, but returned to the subject at hand. “Regardless of who it was with, I've had sex for the first time and it has left me unsure what to think. Not for the least because I don't remember it due to being blackout drunk the entire time.”
“Ough. That's pretty unfortunate for your first time. I can't even ask you if you enjoyed it.”
“Yeah, I don’t know…” Sodachi thought for a moment. “All I know is that I felt really uncomfortable in the morning. I just hurried and got out of the hotel room as fast as I could.”
“Yeah, I suppose that’s a natural reaction. But…” Tsukihi clearly had a sour thought cross her mind. “It was consensual, right? I would hate to hear that about my brother of all people.”
“As far as I know, it was… We talked about it a little bit earlier. We were both drunk, so I don’t think either of us were in a good state of mind… But I wouldn’t demonize him for a mistake that I made.” She shuddered. “I didn’t think I would ever say that about Koyomi Araragi.”
Tsukihi nodded along with what Sodachi was saying, before having a thought. “I assume that Hitagi would also be keeping on top of this issue, but do you know if you need to get tested for anything?”
Sodachi cocked her head to one side, quizzically. “What do you mean?”
“Like STDs.”
“Oh…” Sodachi thought for a moment. “I’m not sure. Like I said, this is my first time, so I don’t know what to expect or worry about. But you’re right that Hitagi would probably know about that… Well, she’s away right now, but I don’t expect problems like that to come up out of nowhere.”
“Right… Oh, but also… You did remember to use protection, right? Or at least, one of you did?”
“Ah…” Sodachi stared at her blankly. “I’m… not sure? Like I said, I don’t remember anything.”
“Ah, hm. Well, you should take a test, then! If you are pregnant, you don’t want it sneaking up on you. Get it taken care of before it’s too late.”
“Taken care of…” Sodachi started thinking.
“C’mon. Don’t tell me that you don’t even know what an abortion is.”
“No, I do. It’s more… I don’t know. I’m not sure if that’s what I would want. I guess I’ll need to think about that. But my natural gut instinct drags me in two opposite directions. I… I don’t know. It feels more serious than would be appropriate to talk about right now.” Sodachi gestured at the cafe around them.
“Oh, okay. Well, if you do keep it, I’ll be excited to have a new nibbling to spoil!”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Sodachi stood up and began gathering her things. “I guess… I have something to do, then. I’ll keep in touch. Thanks for this, Tsukihi.”
Tsukihi smiled and waved goodbye. “No problem! Glad to be of help to you!”