Chapter Text
WAIT FOR ME
It was difficult getting used to the real world after the circus was over. Going back to a normal life, with a job and taxes and common human non-denture related problems.
Still, she couldn't go back to her old job. Not because they fired her after going missing or anything, they were more than willing to accept her back, I mean, it would look pretty bad for the company to fire someone who just woke up from being in a coma for almost a year. But it just didn't feel right to go back to her old life, at least not yet.
So she’s been postponing the whole “going back to being a normal and functional adult” for months now. With the whole C&A fiasco and the company having shut down years ago, she got a good payment for the experience she had to endure by the “misplacement of retired machinery”.
That was the excuse they gave to her, and the same one the rest of the people that were trapped in there got as well. And still, they weren’t allowed to talk about it publicly, even with the company shut down, the talk about their experience could cause people to try to recreate it, and the last thing she wanted was for more circuses to be developed and make their horrible time inside a funny online trend.
So the brunette took the money and tried to do something about what she could control, and that was finding the others, because if her life was lonely before the headset, the “after” experience was even worse, so she was glad that her time in solitude was short lived.
Don’t get her wrong she got a roommate and they are nice and all, but she needed someone who understood what she went through. The former jester’s pretty sure her roommate thinks she's nuts already so it'll be better to not start talking about a random circus and make it worst.
That's also the reason why she was heading to Zooble's apartment right now. Their building was the nearest to Pomni’s and also the most centric out of everyone’s, so the group decided it would be the best point of reunion.
Knocking on the door she heard voices from the inside, she was late again, surprising no one. The door opened and somehow after all this time she’s still not used to not seeing a rag doll but instead a woman with strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes.
“Oh Pomni! We were starting to get worried” she let the shorter woman inside
“Sorry, fell asleep” the ‘again’ went unsaid, she wasn’t sleeping a lot these last few weeks.
“We gathered, don’t worry” Zooble, who she’ve come to know as Ash said from the kitchen island “I’m making coffee, do you-”
“Yes please” They didn’t even need to finish, Zooble, who was surprisingly shorter than Ragatha …still taller than Pomni but that’s not the point, has one side of their head buzzed off and had dyed the ends of their hair, today’s choice was violet, but they changed the color every few weeks, it was kind of difficult to keep up for the jester.
She loves everyone that shared the experience in the circus with her, but Zooble will always have a special place in her heart, after all, if she hadn't found Zoble’s workplace at a local tattoo shop she probably wouldn't have found anyone of the old gang.
“Take a seat on the sofa, you look dead on your feet” They said as they handed her a cup. They didn’t have to say it twice as the former jester went straight to the sofa letting her bag fall from her shoulder on the way, she could’ve worried about her laptop in there but right now her mind was only occupied with letting herself drop dead on the comfy surface and drink the caffeine in her designated cup.
She wouldn’t have noticed that she was seated next to someone if she didn’t hear the distinguished sound of a stylus moving on a tablet.
Lily, it was weird to give a face to someone she's come to know as two masks, a crying one most of the time though.
Zooble and Gangle found contact almost immediately after waking up thanks to Gangle’s social media, so when Pomni found Zooble half of the work was already done.
“Rough night huh?” Lily said
“You could say that” Sipping her coffee like she wasn’t on the verge of falling asleep at any moment.
“Did you sleep at all last night?” The other girls voiced with concern, hiding under her curtain bangs, she had long pin straight black hair, and always uses it to hide behind it, it reminded Pomni of her ribbon body back in the circus.
“Yeah I did eventually, fell asleep on top of the computer around 3am” she didn’t sound insane at all.
“3am?! But Pomni! You-”
“Oh , look who’s here” An older man exited one of the rooms in Zooble’s apartment, he had greying hair and oh so recognizable blue eyes, with eyebags that reflected the weight of his decades in the same jail she barely spent a year in. “Thought you were a zombie for a moment Pomni”
Ragatha, or Caroline now, agreed with her head while joining them on the other couch with the former chess piece “Yeah Chris you look…” she was really trying to sound nice “Rough?” Jesus.
It was thanks to the encouragement and company of Asher and Lily that they decided to spend hour after hour searching on the internet for a family owned company in real estate, and even more hours and days to find one that fitted the little details they remembered about the former rag doll. And one fateful night apparently luck was on their side the moment they found a photo with the owners of a real estate company and their family, Christine doesn’t remember exactly what went through her energy drink induced head at 4am. in the morning but when she looked at the photo and saw a girl grabbing the ends of her hair nervously while trying to smile for the photo, she knew they’ve found her.
When they first met with her and found out Pomni was right in her assumption, they also found out that Ragatha in the long months they took to find her had already met Kinger, the two never explained how or why and Pomni didn’t want to pry even if curiosity was eating her alive.
“She barely slept last night again…” The former mask interrupted her thoughts.
“Gangle!” The short girl shouted to the one next to her.
“Till 3 AM! ”
“You snitch..” Lily, at that, hid behind her drawing tablet, one of her first purchases after leaving the circus.
“You didn’t need Gangle tattling on you, your eyebags speak for themselves” Zooble sat on the armrest next to their friend “Genuinely Pomni, this is going too far and you are working yourself dragged”
She knows they say it after concern for her, but she couldn't help to feel a little bit offended by it, not because of the eyebags comment, she had mirrors in her home after all, but because they say it everytime, everyday they’ve been meeting with each other at Zooble’s apartment.
Their reunions were meant to be for checking on each other and helping each other out on their new lives, you know, to have a nice coffee with friends, it’s not her fault they always bring out the same subject.
She does too.
Still couldn't help but to feel patronized, and something else she can’t quite place yet, the jester knows why she’s like this, and she knows why she keeps looking everyday at a stupid computer screen, what she doesn't get, it's why aren't the rest doing the same.
That’s not fair and she knows it, just because she chooses to do this doesn’t mean that the rest have to do it too, but it’s still a selfish thought that runs through her mind sometimes. She knows that all of them didn’t have the same relationship with each other in the circus, she knows that they all have different lives and priorities and they can’t just stop everything because she wants to. She knows that she can’t force them to feel guilty just because she does.
“It’s just…” she searched in her head for an answer that didn’t make her sound so depressing “ It’s been months and I should start looking for a job… and to get my life in order again but… I really thought that we would’ve found him already when I planned all that” Her voice went quieter by the last line.
They haven’t found Jax yet.
After the uncomfortable silence that fell in the room Caroline cleared her throat, trying to sound supportive “It’s just a matter of time Pomni, you know how this things are-”
“Or not”
“Zooble!” Gangle whisper-yelled hitting them in the arm.
“I’m sorry, but somebody has to say it at this point”
This conversation never goes like this, they bring out the subject, they say their supporting line and to keep trying and that everyfucking thing will be alright and then they change the stupid subject. Right now, Pomni doesn’t like how this is going, she is starting to miss the patronizing a little bit.
“Look I really don’t want to be the one to say this but, he was clearly on the verge of fully abstracting when everything went down”
Pomni tried to interject but Zooble was faster
“And just because he crossed the exit with us that doesn’t spare him from the possibility of being one of the people still in a coma” They heard a tiny gasp next to them and they put a comforting hand on Gangle’s shoulder, she didn’t like to be reminded of the ones that aren't waking up, neither did Pomni, neither did anyone on the room.
“And that would suck honestly, I didn’t like the guy, he was a fucking selfish asshole but I don’t wish that on anyone and it’s still a possibility that we need to be aware of”
Christine was gripping her cup like a lifeline, it was a surprise it didn’t break already, hearing out loud a possibility she didn’t want to consider, neither was she going to accept.
“And what if he’s awake huh? And alone and… and… and… I don’t know! thinks that we left him behind?!” She couldn’t live with the guilt already, the possibility of adding more to it would kill her.
Zooble lowered their gaze and Pomni, honest to god, wished she didn’t look up, because in Ash’s eyes there wasn’t frustration, that anyone would guess from their tone. It wasn’t the first time they tried to have this conversation with the jester, it would’ve been understandable to be done with her.
But it was pity, they were feeling sorry for her, and she would have gone the angry route a million times.
“Then I fear it’s the other way around Christine”
They’ve loose their mind “What are you say-”
“That if he's awake, and out there as you say, then he doesnt wanna be found”
“What?! Why would he-?!”
“Pomni” They grabbed her by the shoulders and were using the ‘stop with the bullshit tone’ that she's only seen used with the former rabbit “It’s been what? Five, six months since we escaped? Are you telling me that the guy that outsmarted not only all of us but also Caine in stealing the keys to every room on the stupid circus wouldn’t have been able to find us by now? Gosh, if he wanted he would’ve shown up to one of our doorsteps already” They said frustrated.
You could cut the tension in the room with a knife, Gangle hiding her face in her tablet and hair, trying to keep Pomni from her saddened expression, and Ragatha’s cup of tea was trembling in her hands.
Christine couldn't believe what she was hearing, she didn't want to believe it. She looked around the room for support, but she was met with the same saddened gaze she got from Zooble apart from an avoidant one from Ragatha.
“A-are you telling me that I should just… give up on him?” That all the research she did was for nothing, the names, the searching through missing report files, the sleepeless nights.
“I'm saying that you need to give yourself a break, and maybe let him be, maybe just for a little while Chris”
“But- but-”
“Pomni. We love you okay? And none of us know what happened before you two crossed the exit..., but whatever happened it wasn’t your fault” They said in the same tone you’ll use to talk to a child.
“You don’t know that” How couldn’t it be her fault? They didn’t know what happened, they didn’t see how he looked at her, how everything went down after they crossed.
She owes it to him! They don’t get it! To find him, to show him that he’s not alone. Tell him that she didn’t plan to abandon him or leave him behind. To know that he is alive and okay and if he doesn’t want to see her or the rest ever again it was okay but just to tell herself that she didn't make him fall into a coma and maybe she could sleep at night.
She’s not doing it for him at this point is she?
Maybe Ash was right, maybe he truly doesn't wanna be found, maybe this is a hopeless situation and she needs to stop before she collapses, at least for today.
The brunette deflates like a balloon and the strain in her shoulders seems to drop in a second.
“It's just… everything has been too much and…” her breath caught “I'm just so tired Zooble”
The former toybox embraces Pomni with one arm while sighing “I know… I think we all are overdue to a little rest from circus related stuff”
The shorter woman truly looks terrible, it's understandable to a point, she was really close to Jax, at least for a period of time during the circus the rabbit truly seemed to enjoy her presence. That is, until whatever happened between the two that made him go even more absolutely fucking nuts to the point of not wanting to scape the stupid shitshow-! Nope, not entertaining that train of thought, right now the jester needs them, and not seething from anger especially.
Pomni nods, her face sinked in their shoulder “Maybe you could take a nap in the spare room, we won't make a lot of noise” And they feel guilty enough by this intervention they just forced to put on top of that sending her home to sleep, also, they don't trust her to not work herself to the ground the moment they are not looking.
“Maybe you are right” Her body started giving up on her the moment she heard the word ‘nap’ and the brunette doesn't think she'll be able to stand in the next 2 minutes.
Lily got up and went to guide Pomni to the guest room freeing Zooble, they were thankful for that, they had a doll to check on anyways. She was acting really weird during the conversation, weirder than usual.
Now that they look back to the sofas the coppery blonde was nowhere to be found, that is until they heard the distinct sound of dishes and cutlery coming from their kitchen.
The toybox went to the kitchen entrance just to see Ragatha nervously trying to tidy up the room with trembling hands, clearly to keep herself distracted from the subject at hand, but Zooble wanted to still have dishes by the end of the day so they had to intervene.
“Huh Rags? You okay?”
The doll looked up like a deer caught in the headlights “Oh! Zooble! yeah yeah I'm great, you know me just… tidying up the kitchen!” She added a little laugh at the end to seem convincing, not convincing even herself.
“Sure… Huh Ragatha” they grabbed the dishes from her trembling hands to keep them from falling “Are you sure you are okay?” She usually gets tense like this when the situation with the rabbit gets brought up and today wasn't any different, it's just that this looks a little bit too tense even for the doll “You seem a little stressed, that's all”
“Pfff me? stressed? Please! I'm fine just… you know the whole Jax thing brings… complicated feelings I guess” she let's out an airy laugh just to fill the silence.
“Yeah I know… it's a really tough subject for you we all left things in a bad terms-”
“Not as tough as it is for Pomni, they DID left things in a bad terms” She's still not looking at Zooble in the eyes, keeps scratching her left arm to the point of it getting red a bad habit she picked up from her time in the circus, don't get them wrong they are all different from how they were in the circus but there are things that never change, and the ragdoll’s mannerism and way to avoid difficult subjects it's still intact. The thing is, the guilt ridden gaze from the Ragdoll today's different, probably because of how the conversation went with the jester this time, it wasn't guilt, not even sadness in the woman before her.
Zooble was paying close attention to her body language but the only emotion they could pick up didn't make sense to them.
Shame.
No it couldn't be, what could the ragdoll be shameful for anyways? But the eclectic was always really good at reading people, a skill they developed back in the day working as a bartender and came in handy back at their entrapment, so what in the hell could the ragdoll have that look for?
“Caroline is there anything that you want to te-” an alarm cuts them off, looking at the source told Zooble immediately that it came from the woman's phone.
“Oh! look what time it is, I really need to go!”
“What? Ragatha-” They see the strawberry blonde grabbing her purse and coat from the hanger, and the former toy box follows behind her.
“Gosh I'm so late, Zooble, great conversation! I really hope we are making progress with Pomni, keep me updated on how she wakes up!”
“But Ragatha! where are you-”
She closes the door on their face.
“Did she just-HUH!?” They turned around only to get startled coming face to face with Kinger, since when has he been standing there they don't know.
“Slap the door in your face? Yeah a hundred percent”
Zooble grabs the bridge on their nose, sighing.
“I know you are worried about her, but Ragatha is a very capable girl, if she is keeping something from us I'm sure it's because she thinks it's the right choice”
“Is hiding shit the right choice though?”
“I said that she thinks it's the right choice not that it was”
Zooble stops at that, and in a second made a choice in their mind, grabbing their keys “I've got something to do, Just close after you leave, Gangle has a copy of the key” they say not even looking back and crossing the door, leaving the old man behind.
“Good luck!”
Steps approached the front door behind the chess piece
“Kinger… Wheres Zooble?”
“Oh probably chasing Ragatha with their bike”
“Sure okay… I'm sorry what-?
Next Chapter:
"Candy Hearts and Paper Flowers"