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Scars

Notes:

Thank you Andy and Iris for helping me edit you're my goats

Inspired by a tweet from trvnat/Ven

#GIRLBOBTWT

Work Text:

Shauna was surprisingly calm for someone who was giving birth for the first time. It was like she had gone through it before. Mrs. Taylor was freaking out, watching over Shauna’s every move, telling her what to do. Shauna hated it. She hated her life, what she had become.

Travis is working at some shitty job as a cashier when he feels a pounding in his neck. It’s a scar from his time in the wilderness. He’s giving change back to a customer who isn’t even paying attention. She was too busy trying to get her kids to behave. His hand starts pounding and he drops the three dimes and two pennies on the counter. His hand is aching; it reminds him of when he cut his hand open for Shauna, for her baby. They haven’t spoken in years. The last time he saw her was when she got married to Jeff. He didn’t like Jeff, but it was safe. And typical, so fucking cliche. He never expected Shauna to be a housewife, but she always was able to adapt to what she needed to be.

Shauna got an epidural- she couldn’t go through that pain again. She hears from some doctor that she vehemently hates, that she’s eight centimeters dilated - it's almost time for her to start crowning. Jeff is sitting next to her, telling her that it’ll all be okay. She’ll be a great mother. Mr. Taylor is shoving a camera in her face and she wants to scream at everyone to get out, but she doesn’t. She is so grateful for modern medicine, even if her nerves are on fire. She remembers what happened last time, to her baby boy, she feels sick. Throughout her pregnancy she had constant reminders, her cravings reminding her of what she ate during the nineteen months she spent in the woods.

Travis had to take his lunch break early, he couldn’t think. He needed to smoke, he needed something to numb whatever the fuck he was feeling. He thought about Natalie, about calling her up, but it would be weird. They’d broken up again, and she left Wiskayok, saying that she was done being stuck. She had no reason to stay anymore, everything was a constant reminder of everything she’s done, everything she’s lost. He didn’t think it would be fair if he were to call her over “wilderness bullshit.” He thought about Lottie, but realized that he would just get sucked back into her, and he couldn’t do that again.

Shauna’s crowning, but it's like she’s not even there. She’s lost in thought, somewhere else entirely. Then it happened and she barely even noticed. She felt her stomach deflate. When she saw Mrs. Taylor cry as she saw the baby girl, she thought of Lottie. The sick parallels of someone thinking they know what's better for her baby. Then she felt her, and looked down at her blue eyes, she was crying up a storm. Jacqueline. The word just spilt out of her mouth. She saw Mrs. Taylor’s eyes go wide. She hugged her husband before going over to Shauna. She asked to hold the baby. Shauna subconsciously held Jacqueline closer, a silent rebellion. She asked for her and Jeff to have a moment with the baby alone. Mrs. Taylor begrudgingly obliged. The two left the room with a look of defeat.

Travis felt a wave of relief. The pain dulled, and he was able to think. The cigarette is still burning between his fingers. He felt something familiar. He had been trying to black out the memories in the cabin, but this feeling reminded Travis of him, Shauna’s son.

A few weeks had passed. Shauna was exhausted. She had stayed up for nights, but the god damn baby wouldn’t stop crying. Jeff calls her Callie. Shauna liked the name. She also loved the baby, but she could not stand her. Shauna would wake up at night, screaming. She was having nightmares again, of him. Mrs. Taylor would just stop by randomly and bother Shauna, she would keep asking how “Jackie” was. Shauna reminded her again and again, that her name is Callie. She never listened.

Travis was home, the settlement money was nice enough, he was able to buy his childhood home after he got back. His scars still ached, heavy on his skin. He had a few theories, something about karmic justice for what he “let” happen to his family. He knew what it really meant though. A new life was born, and he knew whose child it was, it was too familiar for him not to know.