Work Text:
Hayden was supposed to be in New York with his team today, but four days ago, he had been checked into the boards just a little too hard by an eager player from Tampa Bay, and had been requested to sit out the next two games until his shoulder was better. He was getting a week to recover before he would fly out to join the rest of his team.
That meant he had lovely extra time to spend with his wife and kids, for once, and he still somehow found himself in Ottawa, after having spent most of the day trying to find the perfect gift for Jackie. It wasn’t that Montreal didn’t have anything; there was just a specific chocolatier in Ottawa that Jackie absolutely loved, and the two-hour drive wasn’t the worst.
Jackie didn’t mind that even though Hayden wasn’t home all that much during the year, he did also need a break when he was, because hockey really took a toll on both your mind and body, and having two little girls crawling all over you when you were supposed to be healing your body wasn’t exactly the best cure for getting back in the game. She had been kind enough to take the kids to the aquarium for the day, but let Hayden know that it meant he had to cook dinner, which was a fine trade-off for him.
Now, errands done, he was on his way out of Ottawa when he remembered that Shane’s parents lived just nearby and he hadn’t seen them since the start of the season.
He decided to swing by and say hi to them, now that he was here.
That wasn’t weird, right? He had spent more time over the years with the Hollanders than with his own parents, and had come to know them very well, especially Yuna, who usually hung around the rink, helping Shane with various things. Shane was his best friend, and he liked to think that Yuna and David liked him, too, after all these years.
He didn’t think about it too much; he just wanted to stop by for a chat, maybe a cup of coffee, and then he would be on his way home. It was a nice gesture to say hi, he thought.
Yuna is the one who opens the door when he knocks, and there is a fleeting moment where something unreadable flashes before her eyes, before she schools her expression into one of happy surprise, smiling at him.
“Hayden!” she exclaims, maybe a little too enthusiastically, Hayden thinks. She angles the door towards her, as though she’s hiding something or someone behind her that Hayden isn’t supposed to see. He barely has time to think “oh god no” and begin to connect the dots, before he spots exactly who it is she’s trying to hide. And no – There’s no way. He has to be imagining things. Why is Ilya Rozanov of all people in his arch-rival’s parents’ home?
He’s just passing by in the hallway, but Hayden’s shock must show on his face, because Yuna whips her head around immediately. Her dramatic sigh is loud enough for Rozanov to hear and notice them at the door. He stops on the spot, looking a little like a deer caught in headlights.
Hayden is gobsmacked and has no words to utter besides “Rozanov?”, the utter disbelief of meeting the man here evident in his voice. Yuna steps back to open the door wider.
“What –what’s going on?” Hayden continues dumbly, like he actually wants the answer to these questions. “Does Shane know you’re here?”
Rozanov has sauntered closer to the door and stands there with his arms crossed, giving Hayden an appraising look. “I have not talked to him today, no.”
“Today?” Hayden answers dumbly. Rozanov said it effortlessly, like it isn’t a big deal that he is essentially telling Hayden that the two of them talk to each other every day. Like – like they’re friends or something.
Yuna, still with her hand on the doorknob, seems to be waking up from a dream. She looks a little constipated, actually, but goes for a smile that she shoots at Hayden which does nothing to cover up the nerves clearly visible underneath her skin. She looks at Rozanov, and the two seem to communicate nonverbally for a minute, but when Rozanov drops his arms from his defensive stand, Yuna turns to Hayden with a nervous smile.
“I think you should come inside, Hayden,” Yuna says with her mom-voice, the one Hayden knows too well from having kids himself, the do-as-i-say-end-of-discussion voice that he obeys without question.
“Uh, sure.” He doesn’t actually want to be in the same house as Rozanov, but his mind is a cloud of questions so big he can’t ignore it, and he knows the only way to get answers is to step over the threshold.
She leads Hayden into the living room and offers him something to drink, which he politely declines. He’s too shaken up anyway, and he’d rather they just get this over with.
It’s probably been two years since he was last in their house. He’s usually been seeing Shane’s parents at games and events, so he runs a cursory glance over the living room when he enters, and his gaze immediately falls on the picture propped up on the mantle that he knows for sure he’s never seen before. Rozanov is in it, Hayden realizes with a little jolt of surprise.
And wow. Yeah, okay. That would explain it.
Shane and Rozanov are standing in front of a lake, which Hayden assumes is at either his own or the Hollanders' cottage – and god, it makes him reel to think about the fact that Rozanov of all people had been invited to Shane’s cottage, when Hayden hadn’t even been there. It was Shane’s sanctuary, his sacred space, where he went to get away.
Hayden had always understood, even though he had pressed to come by with the kids, because he didn’t like to think about Shane there all alone the whole summer, with only his parents close by and none of his friends there. Only, he hadn’t been alone, it looked like. Probably not in a while.
In the picture, Rozanov has an arm over Shane’s shoulders and is smiling so big and wide it looks too genuine to be fake, which is so weird to Hayden, who has never seen the man without a scowl on his face. Shane’s head is resting on the other man’s shoulder with a bashful smile on his face as he looks at the person taking the picture.
If Hayden had been wondering before, this was another part of a puzzle slotting together that he didn’t know he had to solve. A fact that he couldn’t deny now, something that had been nagging at his brain ever since Shane had said “It’s mostly just an act” when Hayden called Rozanov an asshole. The two men actually didn’t hate each other. Huh.
“What’s going on?” Hayden asks carefully, finally pulling his gaze away from the picture.
Yuna is perched on the couch with her hands folded in her lap, gingerly, like she’s bidding her time to search for the right words. And Shane’s father isn’t here, which… Hayden doesn’t want to think about what this looks like, but it looks bad right now. He doesn’t want to assume, though, so he’s keeping quiet for now. He doesn’t know what kind of situation he’s walked into.
Rozanov leans against the doorway, not taking his eyes off Hayden, like he’s keeping a watch on him. As if Hayden would have an outburst or run out of the house screaming about this… situation, at the top of his lungs, which he would never. He’s a decent man, after all. Rozanov is not.
“Ilya?” Yuna asks gently, making his name sound like a loaded question. A name that Hayden never thought he would hear coming from her mouth. When Rozanov still doesn’t waver in staring down Hayden, she tries again. “Sweetheart? Whatever you want to do. Hayden is a good man. He’ll understand,” she says.
“Is he?” Rozanov asks, and if Hayden weren’t so confused, he would have more time to be offended, but right now, hearing Yuna say his name and call him sweetheart like it’s nothing, Hayden is too dumbfounded to do much of anything. He just stands there, staring back at Rozanov.
A beat passes, while Yuna simply alternates gentle smiles at the two of them, and Rozanov finally sighs and plops down on the couch as well.
“Sit down, Pike.”
And it’s not like he’s taking orders from Rozanov of all people, but he’s had a long drive, and he’s confused, and yeah, he actually does need to sit down, he thinks.
There’s a stifling silence, and Hayden can’t even look up from his feet to see if they’re looking at him anymore. His head is spinning, and he doesn’t even know what questions he needs to be asking, what he actually wants to know, and what Rozanov will tell him.
“Are you – What is –” he tries, and then shakes his head in a futile effort to dislodge his thoughts. “What’s going on?” he settles on.
Rozanov seems to take pity on him, and his stern expression falls, if just for a moment. “Maybe I should call Shane?” he asks Yuna. “It is not my story to tell.”
“Well,” Yuna tuts. “Half of it is.”
And the puzzle seems to be almost fully assembled now.
“I know that Shane is – I mean, I know he’s…” And Hayden trails off and looks to Yuna. He actually doesn’t know if Shane has told his parents about his sexuality; it wasn’t exactly the thing they were talking about when Shane came out to him last year. He doesn’t think Shane would have told him and not his parents, but Shane can be a weirdo sometimes, and Hayden doesn’t want to risk outing someone. He was glad that Shane was comfortable telling him, but Shane also made it clear that he didn’t want to talk about dating or sex or anything, which wasn’t a first, so Hayden didn’t think too much of it at the time. And, well, maybe he should inquired just a little more.
Yuna nods at him and seems to get what he’s trying to say. She smiles and stands up. “I’ll leave you boys to talk,” she says. She runs a hand over Rozanov’s hair as she passes him, almost like you would a child. Their familiarity is just now striking him, the way in which they were able to communicate nonverbally, and the ease with which Rozanov navigates around the Hollander’s house. It’s almost like she’s protective of him, like he’s a second son, and god, another bombshell that Hayden can’t wrap his mind around. She’s smiling at Hayden, but she’s shooting Hayden a very specific look, one that says “be nice” or maybe “don’t fight”.
“Gay, yes,” Rozanov finishes Hayden’s sentence for him.
“And you are – Are you…?” Hayden trails off, once again. He doesn’t want to come out and just ask him; sexuality is such a personal thing, but he needs some context for this situation. It doesn’t make sense, but then again, he hasn’t spent too much time with Rozanov, so who is he to say?
“I am bisexual, if that is what you’re asking.”
“And you and Shane are…”
“Together, yes,” Rozanov says.
Hayden had guessed, but the confirmation still hits him like a freight train. Rozanov is smirking at him, as if he thinks Hayden is dumb for asking.
“But like I said, is not my story to tell. You are Shane’s friend. I will call him.”
“Hey,” Shane answers on the second ring. Ilya is holding the phone out, like he’s on FaceTime, but he’s frowning at the screen. The phone isn’t directed toward Hayden, so he can’t see whether or not Shane is on the screen. “I’m just running out of practice, let me just –” And they can hear a door slam, and then a grin overtakes Rozanov’s face, presumably because he can now actually see Shane.
Hayden has never seen this look on him, on anyone, maybe – like he’s a lovesick puppy, and he just got his favorite treat. It’s endearing if it wasn’t so strange to see, especially directed at Hayden’s best friend, the person Hayden thought was Rozanov’s arch-nemesis up until thirty minutes ago.
They’re not really saying anything, just staring at each other, and Rozanov’s weird grin turns wistful instead, and he cuts off Shane just as he’s about to say something that sounds suspiciously like the beginning of “I miss you”.
“Your stupid friend is here.”
“Who?” Shane still sounds out of breath, confused, like he’s not keeping up with the turn in the conversation. Hayden understands why. He wasn’t expecting this today, maybe not for a long time.
“Pike. You know. Favorite friend.” It almost makes Hayden smile that Rozanov refers to him as Shane’s best friend – yes, he thinks of Shane as his best friend, too, and he likes to think Shane does as well, since he knows Shane doesn’t have a lot of close relations, but to hear it is a very nice confirmation of the kind of bond they have.
“He is? Wait, what do you mean ‘here’? At your house?”
“No, am at your parents, moy lyubimyy.”
“Oh. I didn’t know you were going there today,” Shane says, almost absentmindedly. It really wasn’t the most important part of the conversation right now, but they were probably used to grabbing whatever time they could to talk; it might be natural for them to ask questions to keep the conversation going, and Hayden guessed that Shane’s mind regressed to the “it’s more important to talk to my boyfriend than freak out right now” which – fair.
“David is out, and Yuna did not want to eat alone. I had no plans.” Rozanov shrugs at the phone and shoots a glance up at Hayden, who’s watching him. Whatever Rozanov sees, he apparently decides that the urgency of Hayden being here can wait a little longer. “She will teach me Scrabble, she said.”
“God, Ilya, don’t get in a fight with my mom, please. You know that she’s more competitive than I am, and if dad isn’t there to referee, you should keep a dictionary on hand, I’m telling you.”
“Okay. Good plan, milyy. Now, back to Pike,” Rozanov gently redirected them.
“Wait, Hayden was there? What did you say to him?”
“Ah,” and at this, Rozanov looks up and catches Hayden’s eyes, a sheepish look on his face. Hayden has been staring at him this whole time, analyzing any expression he sees.
Rozanov turns the phone around, and Hayden can see Shane’s face taking up almost the whole screen.
“Hi, Shane,” he offers, tentatively raising a hand in some sort of greeting. It feels wrong; he feels timid, in a way he shouldn’t, since he just saw Shane a few days ago, but this situation is so unusual that he thinks the weirdness of it all has started to seep into his bones.
“Hayden. Hi!” Shane sounds so different all of a sudden, his voice not as soft as just a moment ago when he was talking to Rozanov.
Rozanov rotates the phone back to himself. “I said we are together. He is your friend; it did not make sense to lie. But I think rest is not my story to tell, yes?”
“No, you’re right. Thank you.”
Rozanov gives the phone a soft smile and a wink, just to mess with Hayden, he’s sure, before he stands up from the couch.
“Here. Take phone.” He reaches across the divide between them and places the phone with Shane’s still blushing face on it in Hayden’s hands, and then retreats from the room.
There’s a tense silence for a beat, as Hayden mulls over his words and Shane seems at a loss for how to begin the conversation.
Hayden decides to echo some of the same sentiment that he said when Shane came out to him, when he had been surprised and maybe a little hurt, too, that it had taken Shane so long to share such a big part of himself with his best friend. He had wanted to make it clear that he supported and loved Shane, though, no matter what.
“I’m sorry that you felt like you had to hide Rozanov from me. It sounds like he’s a big part of your life, and – I’m sorry. I don’t know that I get it, like, there’s probably a ton of gay men in Montreal you could’ve hooked up with, but I can support it, I guess, if he makes you happy.”
Shane chokes out a small laugh. “You sound like my dad.”
A thought crosses Hayden’s mind all of a sudden that he can’t shake. “Is he – Boston Lily?” he guesses, whispering the words, like they’re still supposed to be a secret. Shane hadn’t really wanted him to know about Boston Lily, but it was hard keeping secrets when you spent so much time in close quarters.
If Shane had been dating boys all this time, and he only ever met up with this particular one in Boston, right up until – well, until Rozanov moved to Ottawa, actually, it was the only thing that made sense. Then he started visiting his parents more often and, wow, how had Hayden not clued the pieces together earlier? He felt so stupid right now.
“Yeah.” Shane sighs, and he looks resigned, like he has been afraid of this specific scenario of Hayden finding out just how long it had been going on. And god – that was years, wasn’t it? “I didn’t know how to tell you. It’s still new, or, I mean, we’re new to being open about it, and… I’m sorry, Hayden.” Shane sounds and looks a little bit like he’s on the verge of tears, like he is still afraid that Hayden will hang up and never talk to him again.
There are so many things Hayden wants to know, but he asks the most pressing thing on his mind, afraid that anything else will push Shane over the edge; they will have time, later, to talk all this through. If Shane is willing to be open with him, Hayden would listen. It might make him understand better, and Shane, after so many years hiding a secret relationship, might need someone to listen to him unload for once.
“Who else knows?”
“We haven’t told anybody except, well, my parents.” A beat passes, and Hayden just looks at him, not knowing what else to say. “But we’re thinking of starting a charity, of tentatively trying to be friends in public and taking it from there. We’re not coming out or anything, but maybe it’s time to tell some people.”
“Wow, okay, I mean, that makes sense. God, I can’t believe it was Rozanov all this time – like how did I not see this? We were right there on the ice together.”
“We’ve never been anything but professional on the ice, that’s all you saw, Hayden. And you know, it just kind of happened. We definitely didn’t plan to fall in love, but – he’s my person, Hayd. It’s – I’m going to marry him. Maybe even have kids.” Shane talks right over the sharp intake of breath that Hayden takes, which, good. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, but if you want, I’ll tell you the whole story next week, okay?”
They were sharing a room next week when Hayden got back, as they always did when it was easier and cheaper for the team. Hayden thinks he might choke at how many times they have been in the same room together, texting, and it was Rozanov on the other side of Shane’s phone without his knowledge. Wow, okay. This was a lot to wrap his mind around.
“Yeah. Yeah, okay, that sounds good.” Hayden, for the most part, thinks he’s taking this really well. He knows his face must show it, but he really tries to hold it together in front of Shane and not show the despair he’s feeling. He feels a little… betrayed, maybe, disappointed, even, that his best friend hasn’t confided in him, but on the other hand, he also really understands why, given the reason why, and the whole rivalry and hating each other thing.
“Maybe we could have dinner sometime soon in Montreal, and I could bring Ilya? To – to give you guys a chance to get to know him, the way that I know him. Not as our hockey rival. I think he and Jackie would get along, actually.”
Hayden is speechless for a moment. He can’t say no because this is Shane, his best friend, but he’s talking about inviting Rozanov into his house, and shit, he has to be friendly towards Rozanov now? Oh no, does this mean they’ll have to become friends?
“Yeah, if –” And Hayden has to clear his throat to get the rest of the words out, “if he’s in the area, sure.”
“We sort of split our time between our places, so he’s in Montreal pretty often. We’ll find a day.” Then, as if in hindsight, “You haven’t been wondering why I’ve been going to Ottawa this often?”
Hayden really hadn’t. He had his own life to deal with, and Shane loved his parents, so driving for two hours to see them didn’t seem a stretch for him. He probably meditated in the car or some shit to spend the time productively. Hayden had wondered, though, why Rozanov had moved to Ottawa after all these years in Boston, signing himself up for a shit team and probably tanking the rest of his career. It made sense now. And – shit. If Rozanov had moved for Shane, then it was like, serious-serious. Like getting married, spending the rest of their lives together-serious. Shane had said so, but it hadn’t sunk in until right now.
“Honestly, not really. But hey, you don’t sound like you’re freaking out, so that’s good.” He sounded very relaxed, actually, for someone whose biggest secret had just been revealed.
“I trust you, Hayd. I trust that you won’t tell anyone. I mean – Of course you can tell Jackie. I know you guys don’t keep secrets from each other. I trust her, too.”
“Thank God, man, because she was definitely going to know that something’s up when I come home later. We’ll keep our lips sealed, I promise.” He mimes the motion of zipping his lips shut, just for the added effect that he knows it will get Shane to either laugh or relax a little bit more.
He spots movement out of the corner of his eye and sees Rozanov hovering in the doorway, eyes intent on the phone in Hayden’s hands. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there listening, probably the entire conversation, afraid of how Hayden would react, what he would say. Hayden thinks he’s being very civil, actually, for the situation. Rozanov is probably itching to rip the phone out of Hayden’s hands and talk to Shane himself, but he’s restraining himself, for now. Even if his gaze is looking a little on the murderous side.
“It’ll be nice to have somewhere else where we can just be ourselves. To be honest, it’s getting a bit exhausting hiding this huge part of my life, but I just don’t think I can come out yet. The team would hate me.”
And Hayden hums, because he really doesn’t have an answer for that. They wouldn’t be blatantly homophobic, he doesn’t think, but if they found out about Rozanov? Oh, all hell would break loose.
He looks up at Rozanov and sees that he’s crossed his arms and is worrying at his lips, nearly mirroring the nervous look that Shane has on the screen. Is Rozanov scared of coming out, too, or scared that the team will hate Shane? It’s so blatantly obvious just how much he cares, and Hayden wonders how he hasn’t noticed it before. Maybe this is his sign to start paying more attention.
“Jackie and I will be right there by your side, Shane. You don’t have to worry about that,” he says, still not taking his eyes off of Rozanov.
And Rozanov – is that a smile? He’s actually showing gratitude for Hayden wanting to show up for his best friend.
Shit, what Hayden hadn’t factored in is that he has to get used to seeing the two of them being lovesick and soft for each other, while also tolerating Rozanov. What the fuck. This was not something he could have ever dreamed up himself.
They wrap up their conversation, knowing that they’ll be seeing each other pretty soon anyway, and they both have other stuff to do.
“Will you, uh, will you tell Ilya that I’ll call him later?” Shane asks slowly, right before they hang up. Like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to ask Hayden, but it is Rozanov’s phone, after all. The other man is already walking closer and saves Hayden from answering as he takes his phone back.
“I’m here, moy lyubimyy. Call me before you go to bed.” He smiles softly at the phone and mumbles something in Russian, which Shane repeats back at him. Hayden kindly does not inquire as to the meaning. He thinks he knows, anyway. It isn’t important right now, on top of everything else.
There isn’t anything left to say, here, not really. And Hayden has to get back to his wife and kids, too, so he stands up and heads towards the front door without saying anything to Rozanov, who trails after him almost like a puppy.
Hayden turns to assess him when he reaches the door. Rozanov looks a little nervous. His hands are in his pockets, like he’s afraid that he would start fidgeting in front of Hayden, but Hayden detects it in the air – something he knows from being a dad to tiny girls.
“Can I…” He trails off. He doesn’t know how Rozanov would react to the question, but Hayden feels like he has to show, not tell, this man that, really, it’s okay, he’s here for Shane, and he’ll keep their secret, for both of them, of course, he will. He lets out a dramatic sigh before he pulls Rozanov into a quick hug by the shoulders.
Rozanov freezes under him, and when Hayden pulls back, he sees a very vulnerable look in the other man’s eyes.
“Look, I don’t get it, but if he loves you, I can tolerate you. And I’m just happy to see my boy happy, so don’t fuck it up, Rozanov,” he says, trying to sound stern, but he’s afraid that the love is showing too much in his voice or his expression, so he turns to open the door instead.
Rozanov looks like he’s ready to chirp back, but instead, he actually gives a genuine answer and meets Hayden's eyes with a small smile. “I won’t.”
Hayden realizes that he didn’t even say goodbye to Yuna, but he knows that he’ll see her again, probably sooner than later. And Rozanov will no doubt relay the whole conversation over Scrabble later, anyway, because they’re family, now. He really is a second son to the Hollanders. Wow. Weird.
And Hayden will go home to cook up a nice dinner for his own family and spend most of the evening wringing his hands until his kids are asleep and he can tell Jackie all about his day. And in a month, they’ll have dinner with Shane and Roz– Ilya, he corrects, and they’ll try to see what it is that Shane does. They’ll try to make a friend, even if it pains Hayden that it has to be this specific man.
He’ll try. For Shane. For his future. For their future.