Chapter Text
Kylo was in trouble.
His sister’s wedding had been planned for months, which was plenty of time to find a date. Except he hadn’t. And he’d told everyone in his family that he was seeing someone, so they were expecting him to show up with a boyfriend.
Kylo had planned on asking a friend to go as a fake date, but he couldn’t imagine any of his friends dressing up in anything besides biker gear, and he knew they’d get drunk and tell everyone the truth. Then Kylo would never hear the end of it from his parents and uncle about how he’d ruined his sister’s wedding by bringing one of his biker buddies.
With only hours to go before the wedding, Kylo needed to think fast. He was already supposed to be on his way, but he was still in his apartment, trying to think about who he could take with him. None of his neighbors would be a good choice. Maybe he could stop in a bar or something on his way and see if he could find someone there.
Kylo saw movement out his window and when he looked out, he saw the answer to his problems walking down the street. A tall, red-headed man, already dressed nice enough to go to a wedding.
Waving his arms, Kylo dashed outside, emitting a sound unhinged enough to stop the Earth from rotating. The man, thankfully, stumbled and came to a halt, eyeing Kylo suspiciously.
“You!” Kylo barely refrained from grabbing the stranger by the shoulders. He looked perfect: handsome, stylish, desperately out of Kylo’s league.
He also looked very, very confused.
“I’m sorry?”
Even his voice was perfectly pitched, with a faint Irish accent to it.
Kylo put on his best smile, spreading his arms in a gesture that was supposed to look inviting and non-threatening. Judging by the way the man took half a step back, he wasn’t very successful.
“Help a buddy out, will you?” Before the man could do more than raise his immaculately plucked eyebrows, Kylo stuck a hand out. “Name’s Kylo Ren.”
The man crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring Kylo’s hand, his face stony cold. His eyes traveled down, lingering on Kylo’s chest.
“Suppose I’m listening.”
Tamping down the urge to pump his fist, Kylo hurried to explain the situation in the shortest way possible.
“Date me.”
The man’s eyes widened.
“This is either the worst pick-up strategy I’ve ever seen, or there’s more to your offer.”
Shit. At least the man wasn’t running away yet.
“I need a date for my sister’s wedding.” The man still didn’t make a move to run. Kylo took it as a good sign. “It’s in three hours.”
“I see.” The man’s eyes were still fixed on Kylo’s chest. “Ask a friend?”
Kylo scoffed.
“They’re shitheads.”
“Do they know that’s what you think of them?”
“Yeah.”
“Hm.”
They stood in silence for a few moments, Kylo praying inside his head for the man to accept. If he didn’t, Kylo would have to go to Rey’s wedding alone, which wasn’t something he expected to survive. Poe would fry his ass off, and Kylo would rather fling himself off a cliff than give his ex the satisfaction.
“So,” the man said at last, lifting his eyes to peer at Kylo’s face. “You’re asking a perfect stranger to be your fake date to a family wedding because you’re a single loser who doesn’t even have proper friends. Did I get it right?”
Kylo winced.
“Ouch. But yeah, that’s about right.”
The man narrowed his eyes.
“What’s in it for me?”
Kylo didn’t think of that. He just hoped the stranger would help him out of the good of his heart.
“Free food? And a giant cake?”
The man seemed to consider.
“Drinks?”
“Plenty.”
After another moment, the man offered him his hand.
“You got yourself a deal, Kylo Ren.” As they shook on it, the man drew nearer with a sly smirk. “Also, you should always leave your shirt off for negotiations. It really helps.”
Panicking, Kylo looked down on himself. Of course. He was in the middle of putting on his suit for the wedding when he ran outside, and he hadn’t even realized he conducted the entire conversation with this fancy stranger with his tits out.
“Right,” Kylo said and crossed his arms around his chest. “Well, whatever works! I’ll see you there!”
“That’s all the details you’re going to give me?” The man really did not seem impressed with Kylo who was fighting against his brain short-circuiting over everything that happened within the last five minutes.
“Obviously not. Uh, do you have somewhere to be right now? You could go up, and I’ll fill you in.”
“I’m actually on my way home, so I might as well join you.”
Kylo did his best to not blow it further and invited his brand new plus one upstairs, outlining the general situation to him. “So yeah,” he concluded. “You will enjoy yourself, for sure. My family is very much into the upscale stuff, they’re likely to enjoy your presence there more than mine. So you get a nice party and I get them off my back, win-win.”
“Charming,” he said. “If the bar is not open, you’re buying my drinks, obviously.”
“Obviously. So long as you manage to not blow my cover. Right, what was your name, anyway?”
“Hux,” Hux said and Kylo began committing the name to his memory.
“Hux,” he repeated. “And first name?”
“On a need to know basis.”
Kylo frowned a bit but decided to let it go. It wasn’t like he needed to know, actually.
“Right. We should get going, they decided to have the thing at this venue that’s a pain to get to. But it’s surrounded by trees and Rey just wanted the nature surrounding her or something, I don’t know.”
Hux nodded, then simply watched Kylo as he looked for his wallet and keys.
“Alright, ready to go?” Kylo asked, waving his keys around on his finger.
“Shouldn’t we create some sort of story before jumping into this? This won’t be worth it if you’re caught lying to everyone.”
Kylo groaned. “Right. Let’s talk it through in the car. I don’t need to get in trouble for being late.” He led his new “boyfriend” to his car and quickly went to the passenger side door to toss some trash and a couple jackets into the back seat. “Sorry about that.”
Hux grimaced as he got in the car alongside Kylo. “Let’s just get this over with. Have you thought of anything for our story?”
As he typed in the location of the wedding venue into his GPS, Kylo explained, “Uh, a little. We could’ve met in school, or at work.” He framed it more like a question, “I don’t know, maybe just stick with me throughout the night and we can make it up together. That way there aren’t any uh…”
“Inconsistencies?” Hux suggested.
“Yeah, inconsistencies. Exactly. Sound like a plan?”
Hux sighed. “It’s definitely a plan.”
They spent the next few moments in silence. Kylo almost suggested music, but he had a feeling the man next to him wouldn’t be interested in his taste in music. Not everyone had the ear for death metal.
“So,” Hux said as Kylo pulled onto the freeway, “where exactly is the wedding?”
“It’s up at this nature place or something. In the mountains a little bit.”
“The mountains?” Hux shifted around, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “This better not be some scheme to murder me. I’m texting everyone I know to let them know I’m up in the mountains with ‘Kylo Ren’ so if anything happens to me, they’ll come after you.”
“What? No!” Kylo hadn’t even considered that he’d scooped up a stranger from the street and was whisking him away to the mountains. Now that he thought about it, the entire situation was a little suspicious, but he had no way to prove that he wasn’t some sort of serial killer. Except, of course, the way he was dressed. “Do you really think I’d dress like this if I was gonna murder you? I’d get blood everywhere.”
“There are ways to murder someone that aren’t bloody,” Hux informed him. “And how would I know what a murderer dresses like? It’s not as if I regularly spend time around killers.”
“Neither do I. But it sounds like you’ve thought about plenty of ways to kill someone. So maybe you are a murderer.”
“It’s only something I’ve come across at work.”
“Speaking of,” Kylo said, realizing that he should probably be using the drive to get to know the basics about his new boyfriend, “what is your job?”
“Hmm, I’m not sure we know each other well enough for me to tell you that yet.”
“That’s like… a basic thing!” Kylo couldn’t believe how little Hux was giving him. No first name, no job. “People are going to ask about that! It’s a normal question! I mean, you clearly do something that means you gotta dress up. And something that makes you think about murder.”
“Well, you did put that much together at least. Let’s just say I work at a funeral home for the night. Does that work for you?”
“I can’t believe I’m bringing a guy who hangs out with dead bodies to my sister’s wedding,” Kylo groaned.
“Well, you should have planned better, I suppose. And it’s not as if that’s my actual job.”
“Yeah, but everyone is gonna think it is.”
“All the more reason to avoid any discussion about my job.”
“Are you always this difficult?”
“Really? You’re going to complain about me being “difficult?” When you’re the one who begged me to go to this wedding with you?”
Kylo sighed. Hux had a point, but he would have thought he’d have at least tried to make things easier on them by giving Kylo at least some information to work with. But the wedding and reception were only a few hours. They could wing it. Hopefully.
“Let’s just move on with our cover story,” he grumbled, taking a turn at the GPS suggestion. They were already nearing the outskirts, which didn’t give them much time to work out the details of their lie for the day.
Hux looked like he wanted to continue being difficult just for the sake of it, Kylo could see it in the upturn of his snippy nose. To his relief, Hux decided against it.
“Alright.” He turned to peer at Kylo and Kylo glanced away from the road only to notice that Hux’s eyes were an incredible shade of green. “What do you do?”
All thoughts about Hux’s eyes evaporated from Kylo’s head. Somehow, he wasn’t prepared for this question, even after the grilling he gave Hux about the man’s job.
“I’m–” He searched his brain for a way to answer this question so that it didn’t make Hux want to stop the car and leave immediately, but nothing came up. “I’m a magician.”
Hux’s voice turned sharp.
“Stop the car.”
Kylo kept driving.
“Seriously, Ren, I’m not showing up on the arm of someone who can’t even get a proper job.”
Kylo checked the dials on the dashboard. He was running a bit low on gas, but otherwise, everything was fine.
“We could say we met when I was entertaining at your office party,” he suggested, while Hux glanced out the window, no doubt assessing the potential damage of jumping and rolling.
As Kylo finished his sentence, though, Hux’s head snapped toward him.
“A magician at a funeral home?” he enunciated slowly, like he couldn’t believe he was stringing those words together.
“Yeah!” Kylo ramped up the enthusiasm. “Just imagine. Raising the patrons back from the dead and everything. It’d be fun, right?”
Hux stared at him. Kylo flashed him a grin. Someone honked at them from the back.
“Please focus on the road,” Hux said, breaking the eye contact and slumping in his seat.
At least he wasn’t trying to get out anymore.
Obediently, Kylo returned his attention to the road in front of him, just in time for another turn.
“I didn’t hear a no,” he said, the grin still pulling at his mouth.
Hux threw him a look that was too tired for the time of the day.
“I’m starting to get an impression you don’t hear that often enough.”
The wheel creaked under Kylo’s fingers.
“You don’t know anything about my life.”
“Obviously. We’ve just met.”
Hux had a point. Again. Still, Kylo couldn’t help feeling offended.
“And your first impression of me is that I’m a spoiled brat?”
He didn’t even know why he needed to prove himself to this man. Hux was a stranger; Kylo wasn’t going to see him after today. Their’s was a temporary arrangement, no strings attached, no feelings involved. Just a desperate business transaction, a culmination of a series of bad choices. Perhaps a very bad choice itself.
Hux’s voice cut through the dark of Kylo’s gloom.
“How old are you?”
“Thirty,” Kylo replied. “You?”
“Thirty-four,” Hux replied. “You should consider wearing a suit more often. It looks good on you and would make you seem more respectable than being a 30-year-old magician.”
“Can you stop it with the snarkiness? Nobody will buy the lie if you keep being this mean to me.”
“I was trying to be nice,” Hux huffed and Kylo frowned.
“I’d hate to see you be mean then.”
“You really would.”
Why did the thought of Hux claiming to be nice to him make Kylo feel all warm and tingly inside? No, this could not be happening, he could not start developing a crush on this gorgeous asshole. Absolutely out of the question.
“You’re scary, you know that?” Kylo said instead of digging his grave further.
“I really do,” Hux smiled, seemingly satisfied. Kylo felt himself die inside a little.
He’d need to enjoy this fake date as much as possible and worry about not getting in too deep later. One problem at a time.
He decided to continue focusing on the road and getting to the venue. Of course Rey decided to get married in the middle of nowhere. It had been a few miles of nothing but trees, and Kylo wondered if he was being led toward his doom.
“Do you know how much longer it’ll be?” Hux asked.
“Impatient?”
“Curious,” Hux clarified.
“Uh… I haven’t been to the venue at all. I don’t know”
“You weren’t at the rehearsal? Traditionally, you should be taking your mum down the aisle to be seated.”
Kylo squeezed the wheel again, making the leather squeak under his grip. “I don’t know, I wasn’t invited to do that. If I was, I didn’t see the invite. We’ll probably just sit and watch, I don’t know.”
“Clearly you don’t know. This must not be a traditional wedding.”
“Well, she’s getting married to a woman, so there will be plenty of non-traditional things.”
“Ah, should I be worried about your parents then?”
Kylo huffed a laugh. “God no. Well… actually yeah. A little. They don’t care about the gender of the person I’m dating, just know my mom is a retired politician and my dad… he’s a flirt when he drinks. And you’re a handsome guy.”
“Oh… thank you,” Hux said quietly.
“Well yeah, I didn’t just pick you off the street because you were the first guy I saw. I mean, you were the first guy I saw, but that’s not the main reason I asked you to do this.”
“So you’re basing this just off my looks?”
“Yup, I had nothing else. You looked ready for a wedding already, you’re kind of perfect for this.”
“I’m perfect in general, but thank you.”
Kylo chuckled and shook his head. He could see Hux’s small grin from the corner of his eye, and it made his stomach flutter.
Oh, he was screwed for sure. At least he would look like he was interested in Hux at the wedding. That would be the easiest part to fake.
Kylo was trying so hard not to pay attention to the man in his passenger seat that he nearly missed the turn onto the small road that looked like it went nowhere. He had to hit his brakes, but with a sharp turn, he managed to get on the road without needing to back up.
“Are you sure you’re going the right way?” Hux asked.
“It’s where the GPS is taking us,” Kylo said, pointing at his phone screen.
“You do know GPS has been known to drive people into lakes, right?”
“I’ll stop if I see water,” Kylo assured him.
Fortunately, there was no water in their path, and the road soon led them to a building and a parking lot. There was a handful of cars already parked near the building, and Kylo drove over there and parked.
“This is where your sister is getting married?” Hux asked. “A nature center?”
“She likes trees.” Kylo shrugged. “But it’s the right place, at least. My parents’ car is here. Now just to figure out where to go from here. I think I got a text or something.”
“As a magician, I would expect you to be able to conjure the instructions,” Hux said.
“Very funny, Hux.” Kylo scrolled to find the message from his mom. “All right, so we just head down the trail a little bit behind the building and that’s where they’re setting up.”
“You didn’t say anything about going on a hike,” Hux said.
“I don’t think a hundred meters counts as a hike,” Kylo said. “But if you’d like, I could carry you.”
“I’ll walk.” Hux got out of the car and Kylo did the same. “I suppose this isn’t the worst place to get married. If you’re into trees.”
“Yeah,” Kylo agreed. He didn’t care about trees and nature nearly as much as Rey, but it was nice to be in such a quiet area, surrounded by plants. Even the nature center looked like a nice place, built of stone and wood and glass, with small flower gardens on either side of the doors.
“Let’s get down there then,” Kylo said. Before he could head towards the path leading behind the building, Hux held out his hand.
“We should look like we’re boyfriends,” Hux said.
Kylo eyed the offered hand.
“Right.” His gaze traveled along the slender fingers up to the most delicate wrist he’d ever seen. He’d be able to encircle it fully with his thumb and forefinger, no doubt about that. The thought caused a flash of heat in his chest.
“Ren?” Hux waved his hand in the air. “Do you not know how to hold hands? Have you ever even had a boyfriend?”
Kylo tore his eyes away from Hux’s wrist to better glare at him.
“I’ve had plenty, if you must know.” He wasn’t sure that Tai and Poe counted as plenty, but at least two was more than one. “And you’re going to meet one of them today.”
Hux squinted at him.
“Is it going to be ugly?”
Knowing Poe, the meeting had more chances to be uncomfortable than outright violent. Knowing himself, though, Kylo couldn’t promise that it wasn’t going to get out of hand.
“Just follow my lead,” he said, bracing himself and taking Hux’s hand. He immediately dropped it, overwhelmed by the feel of Hux’s skin against his.
“Oh yeah.” Hux rolled his eyes. “What can possibly go wrong with that.”
Kylo frowned.
“I find your lack of faith in me disturbing.”
“Faith wasn’t a part of our agreement,” Hux pointed out breezily and slipped closer to Kylo. He looped his arm around Kylo’s elbow, his body pressing against Kylo’s side. “Will this work?”
Kylo’s touch-starved skin throbbed despite the layers of clothing separating them. He wished the day would end sooner, and he also wished for the day to never end.
Reaching out, he pulled a Jack of hearts from behind Hux’s ear and showed the card to him.
“Let’s go, lover.” He winked, slipping into his stage persona.
Hux regarded the card skeptically.
“I hate magic.”
Kylo hid the card and started down the trail, tugging Hux with him.
“Just don’t forget that you love me.”
“How could I,” Hux murmured, falling into step with Kylo.
Before he could react, a male voice cut through Kylo’s thoughts, making him wince.
“Ben!”
“Uncle Luke,” Kylo replied with a tense smile, ignoring the confused glare he was receiving from Hux. “You’re here already?”
“Someone needed to help out,” Luke replied and turned his attention to Hux. “Is that the boyfriend I’ve heard so much about?”
“This is Hux,” Kylo said instead. The less information he surrendered, the better.
“What a curious name,” Luke said with a smile.
“My family is curious, apparently,” Hux replied. “It’s very nice to meet you.”
“I guess Ben never told you much about me if you say that,” Luke replied, still smiling and looking between the two of them.
“You refuse to use my name, so you will excuse me if I don’t talk about you all that much,” Kylo grumbled. “Where is everyone else?”
“Setting up the ceremony. Want me to show you the way?”
“We’re good,” Kylo said and pulled Hux away from Luke.
“So you gave me a fake name?” Hux whispered once they were out of Luke’s earshot. “I am getting more and more certain this is some sort of a con you’re pulling here.”
“I changed my name a while back,” Kylo explained. “I really hated my birth name. But a lot of my family never understood or accepted it. They’re nice like that.”
“Ah. I see. That does make some sense. Kylo Ren is a bit of a clown name, fitting your profession,” Hux said with a smug smirk.
“Hey! Clowns and magicians are two very different things, okay?”
“If you say so. Either way, the more you tell me, the more I feel like this can turn out to be one very messy wedding. I may end up having a good time yet.”
“Just don’t make it worse? Rey is one of the decent family members, I don’t want to actively ruin it for her.”
Hux nodded. “Of course. But if you do start a brawl with your uncle, do not expect me to not enjoy myself.”
“I won’t start a brawl.”
“A shame.”
Kylo continued to follow the path toward where the ceremony would be held. The next challenge ahead was a very steep hill. Kylo sighed and tried moving forward, but Hux had stopped in his tracks.
“What? It’s just a hill.”
Hux scoffed, “I’m just psyching myself up. Move.” He let go of Kylo and began walking up the hill. Kylo watched, and couldn’t help staring at the man’s ass as he went. Those pants made his ass look positively–
“Ah!” Hux yelled and slipped on the dewy grass.
Kylo gasped, running toward Hux. He helped him up off the ground, then began feeling his face go hot as he realized his hands were on Hux’s waist. He almost began fantasizing about squeezing that waist in a different setting, but Hux’s whines wouldn’t let him.
“Dammit! I’ve got grass stains on my pants now!”
Kylo kneeled and wiped some grass off of Hux’s black slacks, “You’ll be ok. It won’t show up on your pants.” He stood back up and smirked. “Shall I carry you up the mountain, Madame Zeroni?”
Hux quirked a brow, “What?”
“You’ve never read Holes? Or seen the movie?”
“Obviously not. I can get up just–ah!”
Kylo scooped up Hux anyways. As much as he might have enjoyed watching his “boyfriend” fall, he didn’t need more complaining about grass-stained pants.
“Come on, we’re boyfriends. This should be expected,” he said as he began his short hike. Hux only grumbled.
At the top, Kylo set the man down. His ears perked up when he heard a woman yell, “Kylo!”
He turned and saw Rose, his sister’s fiancé, all dressed up to be married. He smiled and accepted a squishy hug from her. She had always shown Kylo kindness, and always called him by his chosen name. He also appreciated that she’d been such a great girlfriend, and soon wife, for Rey. As much as he fought with her, there was love in his heart for his sister.
“I’m so happy you’re here. Rey is going to be so excited. She plans on doing a ‘first look’ photo with you and your parents. I’m doing one after.” Rose explained with a big smile. Kylo was a bit shocked to hear he’d be included in a photo like that. He figured Rey would just have his parents do all the fun stuff and he’d sit out and watch.
“Oh, you haven’t seen her yet?” he asked.
Rose smiled wider, “No, I’m so excited though! I don’t even know what her dress looks like. Or if it’s a dress at all! Anyways, do you see that building over there?” She pointed toward a building that looked like the main one, but much smaller, “It’s multipurpose but today it’s being used for Rey to get ready. Your Aunt Holdo is doing her hair and makeup there. Han and Leia are waiting outside to do the photo.”
Kylo nodded. “We’ll head over there. Also, this is my boyfriend, Hux.”
“I was going to ask! Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you,” Rose smiled as sweetly as Kylo had ever known her to, and watched Hux expertly turn an offered hug into a handshake.
“Pleasure to meet you as well,” Hux said warmly.
“Sorry to cut this short, but I have to help with setting more things up. I’m so happy you're here, Kylo.” She gave Kylo another hug, and Kylo squeezed her back, making her giggle.
“Anything for Rey. We’ll see you at the ceremony.”
“See you at the ceremony!” Rose said excitedly, then went to help with some last minute decorating.
“Guess we should get over there,” Kylo said, looking towards the building that Rose had indicated. “Ready to meet my parents?”
“I think it’s well past time, don’t you?” Hux asked as they started walking over. “After all, we’ve been dating for how long?”
“Uh…” Kylo had to think about that. After breaking up with Poe, he’d told his family that he wasn’t ready to date again for over a year, but not wanting it to seem like he was hung up on Poe, he’d said that he’d started to see someone. But had he said that he broke up with that first made up boyfriend? Kylo couldn’t remember.
“Oh, this is definitely going to go well,” Hux said. “When did you first say you were bringing a date to the wedding?”
“I think maybe a year ago?” Kylo hadn’t paid much attention to Rey’s wedding planning, but he did remember her asking about whether he needed a plus one or not. “Maybe if we just say about a year, that would be fine.”
“Perhaps for you,” Hux said. “However, I would know exactly how long in years, months, and days.”
Kylo couldn’t believe his luck. He’d finally managed to get someone to go to the wedding with him, but he was one of those types that was obsessed with details. Hux was hot, but wanting such specific details was going to get annoying. Especially since Hux was no help coming up with them.
There wasn’t enough time for Kylo to come up with an exact enough number for Hux, as the walk to the building was a very short one and it wasn’t long before they were within earshot of his parents, who were sitting on a bench outside.
As expected, Leia looked her best, wearing a blue dress and her hair up in braids. Han was a bit of a surprise. Where Kylo couldn’t ever remember seeing Leia looking less than perfect, he’d never seen Han dress up. Even in Han and Leia’s wedding pictures, he was only wearing a jacket over a shirt. But for Rey’s wedding, he was wearing a suit, complete with a tie.
“Hey kid,” Han said, standing up. “You gonna introduce us to your friend?”
“Oh, yeah,” Kylo said, realizing he’d been staring at Han. “This is my boyfriend. Hux. And Hux. These are my parents. Han and Leia.”
“Nice to meet you,” Hux said, holding out his hand. Han took his hand but then immediately pulled him into a hug.
“Glad to finally meet you,” Han said. “We’ve always heard about Kylo’s mysterious boyfriend and we weren’t sure we’d ever meet.”
“I am a somewhat private person,” Hux said as Han released him. “And busy with work, which doesn’t leave much time for socializing.” Leia gave Hux a hug as well, but then he was free.
The door of the building opened and Finn walked out. Rey’s best man, if Kylo remembered correctly. Before Kylo could introduce Hux, he noticed that the two of them were staring at each other, and neither of them looked happy about it.