Ricky Gervais Show: Avengers Edition

by The_Latverian_Embassy

Summary:

Basically, my take on how Ricky, Steve and Karl from the Ricky Gervais Show would react to the events of the Avengers, if they existed in the same universe. Written as a transcript of one of the XFM shows.

Notes:

This is just a stupid, completely non-serious fic idea I came up with about how Ricky, Steve and Karl would react if they were in the same universe as the Avengers. If you haven't listened to the Ricky Gervais Show, I'd highly recommend it, as it's one of the funniest things I've heard in a while. Also, it helps to make this fic make more sense. You can find a lot of it on YouTube. It's basically a radio talk show between Ricky Gervais, Steven Merchant, and Karl Pilkington, who discuss particularly mundane and irrelevant events in the most entertaining way possible.

Please read and review, this is my first fic, so don't be too harsh! Thanks for reading!

7 May 2012/Transcript XFM

Ricky: Welcome to another episode of the Ricky Gervais Show, with me: Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant-

Steve: Hello.

Ricky (cont): - and, of course, the little round-headed, Manc simpleton, Karl Pilkington.

Karl: Alright.

Ricky: Now, it's great to be doing this show again, so much has been happening in the world recently, so many major events, and I'd like to, er, just get to see Karl's reactions to what's been going on.

Karl: Well, what you... what do you want to know?

Steve: Well, I think the main story here would be the Avengers saving New York City from the invasion of an alien army. Of course, all of the Avengers, and the men and women involved helping them to accomplish this goal, they're all brave beyond measure, and we, all of us are forever in their debt. Karl, what are your thoughts on the Avengers?

Karl: They're alright.

Ricky: (laughs)

Karl (cont): But tha's what I've been sayin' all along, about aliens, an' that. I've said for years that aliens were out there; that time the fella got taken fer three days an' grew a beard, the time--

Ricky: So, hold on, your reaction to the world being saved by the Avengers is 'it's alright, but look at me, I was right about aliens'?

Karl: What d'you think of em?

Ricky: I think they're amazing. They're incredible, they put their lives on the line to save the Earth, fighting off an army, many of them with very little experience in combat, because they knew it was the right thing to do. The entire planet owes them an unpayable debt, they saved countless lives, and I have the utmost respect for them.

Karl (dubiously): Yeah...

Steve: What, you're still not convinced that they're heroes? What would they have to do to win your respect, Karl?

Karl: Well, but they're not the only super-people out there are they?

Ricky (annoyed): What do you mean?

Karl: I read this thing on the internet-

Ricky: Oh, here we go...

Karl: There's this fella, right? I'm guessin' it's somewhere like New York-

Steve: You're guessing?

Karl: Well.... But here's the thing, right? This fella, right, walks into a bank, and asks the teller for some money, and the teller gives it to him...

Steve: Right...

Karl: What d'you think about that?

Ricky (laughs)

Steve: What do we think about what, Karl?

Karl: He, the fella, he controlled the bank teller's mind into givin' 'im the money.

Ricky: Oh, shut the f-- Karl, do you really, no look at me, do you genuinely believe that the 'fella who asked for money from a bank teller' utilized mind control to do so?

Karl: Well, What do you think happened?

Steve: You know, the other day, I saw something really odd, Karl. I was at the caf in Euston Station, and this fella walks up to the counter and orders a coffee. And the weird thing was, right, the guy working there gives him a coffee once he'd paid! It was completely mad!

Ricky: Yeah, I know. The other day, I went into a bank, and asked to get some cash out of me savings, and the employees obliged. Obviously, it must be brain control, you mental case...

Karl: But he didn't pay, or show ID, this fella, 'e just asked fer the money, and the folks workin' there gave it to 'im. Mad, innit?

Ricky: Well, no, it's obviously not true Karl. It's obviously not true.

Karl: The people at the bank it it was.

Steve: They were lying Karl.

Ricky: Yeah, they made it up, for a laugh.

Karl: Hmm...

Ricky: Where did you read this, anyways? You said the internet, but I want to know what sites you go on, to find this shite... What do you type into the computer to get the 'man mind controls people at bank to get money' story?

Karl: ...I don't where I got that from. I don't where I read that...

Ricky: (laughs)

Steve: I can't help but feel that we're getting a bit off topic here...

Ricky: Right, well, moving on. Our next question comes from Franklin in New York, who asks 'Karl, if you could be any of the Avengers, who would it be, and why'?

Steve: Surely a very valid question, I'm very intrigued to hear Karl's thoughts on this.

Karl: (sighs)... do I 'ave to pick one?

Ricky: (groans) Karl, it's... this is just a simple question one of our listeners put to us, just, which Avenger would you be if you could?

Karl: But I don't think I'd want to be one. It seems like they've just got a lot of hassle in their lives, goin' about, savin' people, fightin' armies...

Steve: Well, no, you do have a point there, the Avengers do have very busy lives, constantly giving their all to protect the world-

Karl: That's what I'm sayin'

Ricky: What about Iron Man, hmm? Tony Stark, the billionaire inventor, with a flight capable suit, able to shoot energy beams, surely that has to sound like fun to you, Karl?

Karl: … but how would I know how to use the suit? It's got to be complicated inside, hasn't it?

Ricky: I'm sure it is, Karl. I'm sure for it to fit you, they'd need to modify it too. They'd need to make the helmet perfectly spherical to fit your round, orangey head.

Karl: ...ehhh. I mean, I wouldn't complain about 'avin' 'is money, an' that, but I just don't think I'd want the stresses that come with it...

Ricky: ...right. Well, what about the Hulk? What do you think it would be like to be able to transform into a large, giant creature?

Karl: Dunno. Steve, what d'you think?

Steve: Well, I--

Ricky (laughs uproariously): ...oh, he's done you again! He's done you again Steve!

Karl: No, no, I'm not 'avin' a go, Steve.
Steve: Well, you turned to me to ask what it'd be like to be a freakish giant, but not what it would be like to be an attractive billionaire.

Karl: Go on.

Ricky: What about Thor? He's literally a god, right out of ancient Norse mythology. Carries a giant hammer, able to fly... Wouldn't you want to be that?

Karl: Yeah, but... I mean, he carries a hammer. What is he, a god, or a fix-it man?

Ricky: (laughs hysterically)

Steve: He is an otherworldly, er, Asgardian warrior prince. Not a fix-it man.

Karl: And anyways, you said he's a god? I thought you didn't believe in God, Ricky?

Ricky: Well, I don't. I believe in Thor, because he's been verified. There's footage, scientific confirmation that he exists. And anyways, he's not technically a god, the ancient Norse believed he was a God because he had powers they couldn't explain.

Karl: Hmm...

Steve: Anyways, have you decided yet, which Avenger would you be?

Karl: To be honest, I wouldn't want it. I wouldn't want to be any of them. It seems like it would be more hassle than it's worth.

Steve: Karl, if you did have a superpower, would you use it to stop evil?

Karl: If it was in the area.

Ricky: (laughs loudly)

Steve (chuckles): You're... you're all heart, Karl.

Ricky: Karl, you're an idiot. Play a record.