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Gintoki was having a bad day. He had woken up by the nightmares of his past, reminding him that he had not been able to save the people he cared about the most. If that hadn’t been bad enough already, it had been the anniversary of the death of his teacher and Takasugi.
The pain and regrets of those deaths caused him to have a sour mood the whole day which he tried to hide from everyone around him, but it seemed like he was doing a poor job at it since everyone kept shooting him worried glances, which only got more on his nerves.
So, in an attempt to run away from all those looks, he went to have a drink at a random bar, it was not a place he usually frequented and he knew most of his friends didn’t either. So he wasn’t expecting to see Toshirou and the kids appear after his 5th bottle of sake, his mind already blurry with the alcohol.
He sighed frustrated, knowing the kids had probably gone to Toshirou for help since they knew they were in a relationship, albeit a new one. And while on any other day he would be glad to get to have some quality time with his boyfriend, tonight he was not in the mood.
“Gintoki, what’s up?” Toshirou asked worriedly. “The kids told me you have been acting strange all day.”
Gintoki glared at his glass of sake. “That’s none of your business.” The alcohol wasn’t really helping to calm down his mood, so it came out harsher than he intended. “Just leave me alone, Mayora.”
Toshirou frowned. “You’re drunk, let’s get you home to rest.” He said, approaching him and taking the bottle away. He was about to take the glass too, but Gintoki slapped his hand away.
“Leave me alone, bastard. I don’t want to see your face right now.” Gintoki growled.
Toshirou took a step back in surprise, the kids had equal surprised stares. “Gin-chan, are you okay?” Kagura asked softly.
“Leave me alone, brat.” He said, a little less harsh, but still sourly.
Toshirou’s frown deepened. “That’s it. You’re going home, Gintoki. Let’s go.” He took the glass away before Gintoki could react. “How much is it, Oji-san?” He asked the owner who mumbled a prize for everything Gintoki had consumed. Toshirou easily took his wallet out and handed him the money. “Now you. C’mon. I’m taking you home.” He said, looking at Gintoki.
Toshirou put a hand on Gintoki’s shoulder but Gintoki slapped it off. “Leave me alone, asshole. Who do you think you’re to order me around, huh? You believe yourself to be so important, huh? Why don’t you go lick a Bakufu dog’s boots and leave me alone?” He said harshly.
The kids and Toshirou’s eyes widened in surprise by his outburst, then Toshirou’s face turned to hurt before quickly shifting to rage. “Gin-chan/Gin-san!” Kagura and Shinpachi exclaimed simultaneously, surprised by his words.
“Whatever.” Toshirou huffed. “I’m just helping the brats get you home.” He growled.
Toshirou pulled his arm harshly, making him stand up forcefully. “Oi!” Gintoki shouted. “Let go, bastard!”
Toshirou didn’t listen to him and dragged him to the direction of yorozuya.
“Toshi…” Kagura mumbled. “Are you…?”
“I’m fine.” Toshirou said tightly without glancing at any of them, only looking ahead.
Gintoki tried to get his arm free again. “Let me go, idiot. You think you can just come and order me around after we have fucked a couple of times?” He growled. The grip on his arm tightened as he heard the kids gasp. “Gin-san isn’t the type to be ordered around just because you’re a good fuck.”
Toshirou pulled on his arm harshly, throwing him to the sidewalk, his head barely landing a few centimeters away from a staircase, Yorozuya Gin-chan’s staircase, he hadn’t even noticed they were already home. “Don’t cause any more trouble, Yorozuya.” Toshirou said bitterly, glaring at him with fury. Gintoki flinched from his tone.
He turned around. “Hijikata-san!” Shinpachi stopped him. “Gin-san is really drunk. I’m sure he didn’t mean any of it!”
Hijikata glared at Gintoki who was still laying on the floor. “Yeah, right.” He said sarcastically. Gintoki flicnhed again by the bitterness in his voice. “Keep an eye on him.” Toshirou said to the kids. “And tell him to not contact me for a while. I’m really not in the mood to see him right now.”
“Toshi…” Kagura sniffed. “I’m sorry…”
“This was not your fault, kid. Blame your idiot boss who can’t hold a drink.” Toshirou mumbled, turning back around. “See ya.” He said as he walked away silently.
Kagura turned to glare at him. “Gin-chan, you idiot. After Toshi was so nice to you and you were such an asshole to him!”
“I told him to leave me alone.” Gintoki frowned. “It was his own fault.”
“Gin-chan!” Kagura shouted before she punched him in the face. The last thing he saw before falling unconscious was the girl sniffing.
He woke up the next day on one of the couches with a throbbing pain in his head. He immediately threw up on the floor before laying back on the couch, not minding the vomit he left next to him. His head was killing him and his mind was spinning around making him more nauseous.
He started remembering last night. About how bad he had gotten at the anniversary and how moody he had been the entire day, and how much of an asshole he had been with everyone, but especially with Toshirou.
He groaned outloud, both from the pain his entire body was in and because of the deep regrets he had. He needed to apologize to his boyfriend, and with the kids too. But he was too nauseous and tired to stand up right now, he couldn't even keep his eyes open for too long before the pain in his head started worsening. He was thirsthy but he also wanted to throw up again, and he needed to pee, but he was unsure he would be able to get to the bathroom without fainting.
He had really gone too far with the alcohol yesterday, it was a wonder he even remembers a thing of what happened.
After a few minutes of resting, he managed to stand up and go to the bathroom to pee and throw up a little more. He heard Shinpachi coming from the front door as he finished throwing up. He could faintly hear his and Kagura's voices coming from the living room and Gintoki began to feel dread. He was nervous of their reactions, he had been quite rude to them too and he was not ready to face them yet.
He eventually came out of the bathroom and tried to ignore the kids and go straight to his room to sleep off his hangover, not feeling ready to face anyone yet.
“Gin-san, don’t you have anything to say?” Shinpachi said sternly.
Gintoki groaned. “Sorry for throwing up on the floor, I will clean it up later.” He mumbled.
“Not that!” Shinpachi exclaimed exasperated. “What happened to you yesterday, Gin-san? You’re usually not like that.”
Gintoki frowned. “Nothing, I was just in a shitty mood, that’s all.” He mumbled.
“You were really shitty yesterday.” Kagura said glaring at him. “Especially with Toshi, yes?”
Gintoki winced. “Yeah, yeah. I know. I will make it up to him later.” He mumbled.
“Toshi was really hurt by what you said to him, Gin-chan.” Kagura said.
“He was.” Shinpachi nodded. “And he didn’t deserve that kind of treatment after he tried to help you, Gin-san.”
“I know! Dammit!” Gintoki groaned. “I know I fucked up. I will apologize later, okay?! Just leave me alone unless you want me to throw up on you!” He shouted and then slammed the door of his room close. He laid back in his futon and went back to sleep.
Gintoki was in the ruins of a war, corpses and blood everywhere. This was a familiar sight, something common in his youth. He wandered around not knowing where he was going, until he heard someone cry in pain, Gintoki reluctantly turned to look, expecting to see one of his many dead comrades dying again. But instead he saw another face. Toshirou was laying in a pool of his own blood, a familiar wooden bokuto sticking out from his chest.
Gintoki kneeled beside him, holding him in his arms distraught. “Toshirou!” He exclaimed, worried.
Toshirou opened his eyes with difficulty and glared at him. “You did this…” he mumbled, spitting out blood from his lips. “You killed me.”
“W-what? No, no, I would never!” Gintoki stammered.
“Yes, you would.” Toshirou coughed up more blood, some of it landing in Gintoki’s clothes. “That’s what you do. You let people die around you, that's just as bad as killing them yourself.”
“No, I-”
“Did you ever care about me?” Toshirou interrupted.
“H-huh?”
“Or was I just a hole to fuck?” Toshirou continued. “That’s what you said the other night, right? That’s what you meant.”
Gintoki shook his head. “No, I-”
“You will let me die too. Just like how you did with Takasugi and Shouyou.” Toshirou said, coughing up more blood, the blood coming out of his chest began pouring out of his body faster. “I don’t mean anything to you, just like how they didn’t either.”
“No, Toshirou, I lo-”
“Will you miss me when I die? Will you care as much as when you lost them?” Toshirou asked, looking faintly at the sky, the light in his eyes leaving them quickly.
Gintoki nodded. “Of course I would care, Toshirou, I-”
“You didn’t even let me help you.” Toshirou interrupted again. “Again.” He sighed, pain lacing his features. “I will die because you didn’t help me, just like how you didn’t let me help you.” He groaned loudly. “And it will be your fault. Because you’re too stubborn to let anyone help you, to let anyone see the vulnerable side of you.” He coughed up a bunch of blood, by now they both were covered in Toshirou’s blood. “How many more people will you allow to die, Gintoki?” He mumbled before his breath gave out and his eyes lost all shine.
He was dead.
“Toshirou?” Gintoki shouted, shaking his inmovile form. “Toshirou?!” He sobbed loudly. “Toshirou, no! Wait! I need to tell you that I lo-”
Gintoki gasped, sitting up sharply on his futon. He looked around disoriented and noticed the familiar layout of his bedroom. He sighed, laying back down and covering his face with his arm, ignoring the tears escaping from his eyes.
After his breath calmed down and the tears stopped coming, he silently went to the bathroom to take a shower. It seemed like the kids were no longer home and the clock said it was already 1:00 pm. Once he was out of the shower he prepared himself something quick to eat before pacing around the living room fitfully. He kept thinking about that dream. He has had similar dreams before, but Toshirou wasn’t usually the one saying those things to him in them. He had seen him die in his nightmares several times, but he had never been blamed for it before by him. The one usually blaming him were Takasugi or Shouyou and the other people he wasn’t able to save, the ghosts of his past.
He couldn’t help feeling sick at the tought of letting Toshirou die too, or anyone else for that matter. But Nightmare Toshirou had been right, Gintoki never let him help and that had put a strain on their relationship several times, last night being one of those.
The urge to apologize got stronger so he pulled out his cellphone, the one he very rarely used and called Toshirou. He didn’t answer. Biting his lip in worry, he called him again. No answer.
Was he so mad at him that he was ignoring his calls or had something else happened?
He called again, this time Toshirou picked up on the third ring. “What?” He said harshly over the phone.
“To-Toshirou…” Gintoki stammered, a little relieved to hear his voice after that nightmare. “Are you free?”
“No. What do you want?” Toshirou said curtly.
Gintoki winced. “I wanted to apologize about last night.” He fidgeted. “I crossed the line. But I didn’t mean anything of what I said. I swear.”
“Whatever. I’m busy.” Toshirou said.
“Wait!” Gintoki exclaimed. “Can I see you? I promise I will make it up to you.”
“I’m busy.” Toshirou repeated with an irritated tone.
“I know, but… please. There’s… there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while.” Gintoki stammered nervously. “So… Can we see each other?” He asked.
Toshirou groaned. “If you want to break up just say so now. Don’t waste my time when I’m busy.” He growled.
Gintoki gaped. “No, no. That’s not it at all!” He exclaimed.
“Whatever.” Toshirou said. “I’m busy today. You can tell me whatever you want tomorrow at noon at our usual place.” He sighed, sounding tired. “Then we can talk. I also have a couple of things to tell you, Gintoki.” He still sounded mad. “Now don’t bother me. I have a secret stakeout mission tonight and it’s really important that I concentrate on it. I don’t have time to fight with you.”
“Ah, Toshirou, wai-” Toshirou hung up.
Gintoki groaned, throwing himself onto the couch. He had really fucked up big time. Toshirou was really mad at him. He needed to prove to him he actually cared.
He sighed, turning around to lay on his back and stare at the roof. “I’m going to tell him tomorrow.” He said determinedly.
“Tell who what?” Kagura asked, coming into the living room.
Gintoki sat up nervously. He hadn’t even heard her come in. “I-”
“Are you feeling better, Gin-san?” Shinpachi asked, looking at him.
Gintoki nodded. “About yesterday…” He winced. “Sorry, I was going through some stuff. I didn’t mean to be so rude to you.”
Both kids shared a look. “It’s fine, Gin-chan. Just don’t be so stupid next time.” Kagura said, munching on a sukonbu. “Though you should really appologize to Toshi, yes? You were even meaner to him than to us.”
Shinpachi nodded and Gintoki sighed regretfully. “I know…” he mumbled. “He is busy today so I’m meeting him tomorrow.”
“Good.” Kagura said.
So now he just needed to wait until tomorrow to make things right.
Gintoki was restless the entire time until noon of the next day. He was nervous of what he would say to Toshirou and how he would react to it. And he was worried Toshirou would break up with him both from what happened the other day and from what Gintoki was planning to tell him.
He arrived at their usual izakaya and noticed he was not there yet, so he decided to wait outside. Minutes passed as he nervously waited, looking all around expecting to see Toshirou coming. An hour passed and he was starting to get restless. He was biting his lip and he was attracting the attention of everyone that came into the izakaya and passed him on the streets. Did something hold Toshirou back at work?
At 1:38 pm., he was starting to consider that maybe Toshirou stood him up as revenge for what happened the other night. But Toshirou wouldn’t do something like that. And he would tell him if he was held back at work. Why was he not here yet?
At 2:35 pm., it started raining. Without an umbrella at hand but not wanting to leave his spot, he took refuge under the canopy of the izakaya, ignoring the pity looks sent his way.
At 3:00 pm, his boots were already soaking wet, his pants were no better, at least the rest of him was fairly dry, but he was cold. He had ignored Oba-chan’s multiple attempts to get him inside. There was barely anyone on the streets now, but he still couldn’t see Toshirou anywhere.
At 3:05 pm, a police car stopped in front of him, making him perk up in relief. Toshirou finally arrived. Though it’s rare for Toshirou to use a car to come meet him.
However, the one stepping out of the car was not Toshirou. Kondo opened his umbrella and approached him silently. “Gin-san…” He mumbled, eyes downcast.
Gintoki quickly noticed his red swollen eyes and teartracks on his cheeks. The gorilla had been crying from the looks of it. “Oh, hey, Gorilla. What brings you here? Want to forget the rejection of the day?” He said trying to joke around to hide the disappointment he felt at seeing him instead of Toshirou.
Kondo shook his head and sniffed, tears gathering in his eyes. “Gin-san…” he sighed, but midway it became a sob. “You were expecting Toshi, right?”
Gintoki tensed a little at the question. “Y-yeah… what about it?” He asked nervously.
Kondo bit his lip. “I came here to tell you that he is not coming.” His voice was shaky.
Ginoki’s eyes widened. “Wh-what? Did-did something happen?” He asked.
Kondo nodded. “Toshi is, Toshi-” His voice broke down in a sob. “Gin-san…” he said shakily, looking at him with a mix of guilt and pain. “Toshi is dead.”
Gintoki felt all the air in his lungs being punched out of him. “Wh-what?” He stammered, unsure if he had heard right.
“Toshi is dead. He was killed in action.” Kondo repeated. “Last night he had a stakeout mission, it was not supposed to be dangerous, but he was found out and- and-” He sobbed. “There was nothing left.” Kondo sobbed, shaking his head.
“Wha-what? W-what do you mean?” Gintoki said, too shocked to fully get Kondo’s words. “No, he can’t be dead.” He held his head in his hands, feeling like he was going to throw up. “He is not dead.”
“Gin-san…” Kondo said in a sob. “He really is dead.”
Gintoki looked up at him and glared at him. “Where were you when that happened, huh?!” He exclaimed furious. “Did he go alone again? Why does he never take reinforcements?!”
Kondo’s face looked full of regret and guilt. “He was not alone.” He sobbed. “I-I was not there with him, but a couple of our men were.” He let out a shaky breath. “They are all dead too.” He paused. “We only recognized the body of one of them.”
“Huh? What?” Gintoki mumbled.
Kondo sighed. “There was a fire.” He explained. “Everything was turned to ashes. We’re not sure yet whose the skulls found at the place are.”
Gintoki let out a shaky breath. “Then- then what if he is not dead? He can’t be dead. If you haven’t found his corpse then he might not be dead. He can’t be dead.” Gintoki let out a sob before he could stop it, he could feel his legs beginning to tremble under him, but he tried to continue to stay upright.
“One of the corpses found at the scene… it was holding Toshi’s sword.” Kondo said. “You know his sword it’s one of a kind, Gin-san. Toshi… Toshi is dead.” He said, more tears falling down his face.
Gintoki let out a loud sob, his legs finally giving up on him. He fell to the muddy ground, the rainwater splashing on his already wet face, mixing with his tears. “No, it can’t be… He can’t- he can’t be dead. Not him.”
Kondo kneeled next to him, putting an arm on his shoulder, covering him too with his umbrella. “I’m sorry, Gin-san. I’m so sorry.” His grip on his shoulder got tighter as he started sobbing loudly too. “I’m sorry.”
Gintoki could no longer see him, or hear him nor the rain. His ears were ringing loudly and his vision was blurry from the tears. “I was supposed to tell him today…” he mumbled. “I was supposed to tell him I love him.” He covered his face with his hands, not caring about the mud covering them.
“Gin-san…” He heard Kondo’s voice, though it sounded far away, like the rain.
He could feel arms surrounding him and heard the sound of the umbrella falling away, wetting both of them even more. Kondo cried loudly next to his ear as Gintoki froze in his arms, the sobs stopping unlike the tears.
He was not sure how he arrived back home, maybe Kondo took him in the car, maybe he walked under the rain. He only snapped out of it when Shinpachi gasped loudly upon seeing him enter the house completely drenched.
“Gin-san!” Shinpachi exclaimed. “Why are you all wet?! C’mon you have to dry yourself before you get sick.” He said. He went for a towel and handed it to Gintoki who just continued to stare at nowhere with unblinking eyes. He had stopped crying by now, only feeling numb. He was not sure if any of this was real or just another nightmare. “Gin-san?” Shinpachi mumbled, sounding worried. “Did-Did something happen?” He asked. “Weren’t you supposed to meet Hijikata-san?” He asked.
Gintoki’s eyes turned to him, the sound of Toshirou’s name snapping him out of his mind. “He… he-”
“What’s going on here?” Kagura asked, peering over at them from the living room. “Gin-chan you’re wet.” She said boredly looking at him. “And dirty.” She sneered at his face covered in mud. “Were you playing in the mud like a little kid? Wait. Don’t tell me…” Her face soured even more. “Were you doing dirty stuff with Toshi on the mud?”
Another reminder of Toshirou made Gintoki shakily sit down. He tried to hold back the tears, not wanting the kids to see him in such a vulnerable state. He was not supposed to let anyone see his vulnerable side, but he had already slipped in front of Kondo from the shock, and now he has to try to contain himself in front of the kids.
“Gin-san! Are you alright?” Shinpachi asked worriedly.
“Are you drunk?” Kagura asked, getting closer.
Gintoki shook his head, biting his lips to hold back a sob. “I-” His voice was shaky, he was not sure he could say it out loud. But they deserved to know too. “Toshirou…” He tried to pass down saliva, but his mouth was as dry as sandpaper, he tried not to choke. “Toshirou is dead.” He managed to say out loud without sobbing but a tear escaped from his eye. He looked away hoping they didn’t see that. He clenched his fists tightly trying to control his emotions.
“Wh-what?” Kagura’s soft voice said brokenly.
“Wh-what are you ta-talking about, Gin-san?” Shinpachi stammered, eyes wide and rapidly filling with tears. “What-what was that? What did you just say?”
Gintoki tried to pass down saliva again. “Toshirou is dead. He died. He was killed in action.” He held his head in one hand, breathing heavily. “He is gone.”
“No, no, no…” Kagura shook her head, tears falling down her eyes. “No, Toshi is not dead! Toshi is not dead!” She sobbed. “This is not funny, Gin-chan!”
Gintoki trembled with all the emotions contained inside him. “You think I would joke about that?!” He gritted out a little harshly, glaring at the already crying girl.
Her lips trembled before letting out a loud sob. “No…” She shook her head. “No, no, no...”
Shinpachi fell next to him. “Gin-san…” He looked at him distraught. “Gin-san, please… this can’t be true. He was fine yesterday. I saw him last morning…” He shook his head, tears falling down his eyes. “He was fine yesterday.”
“He died in a fire last night during a mission.” Gintoki said, numbly. “He is dead.” He leaned against the wall, looking up at the roof, by now uncaring of the silent tears falling down his cheeks. “He is dead.” He repeated like a broken record.
“No…” Kagura whined loudly.
“Hijikata-san…” Shinpachi sobbed.
Gintoki let them cry, but he didn’t went to confort either of them, unable to say any words of reassurance. What could he say when he had just lost the love of his life?
Gintoki stayed laying down on his bed the entire weekend. The kids barely bothered him during it, Shinpachi just tried to make him eat, but Gintoki was barely able to keep any food down. The funeral was scheduled for today, 4 days after his death. Apparently, his remains had to go through some kind of forensic process, especially since they were not sure which body was his.
When Kondo had invited them to the funeral with a sullen face and red eyes, Shinpachi and Kagura had tried to ask more about the details of Toshirou’s death despite Gintoki’s wishes. With a pained look, Kondo proceeded to tell them. There was a terrorist group that was planning a bombing on the palace, while they were not a particularly big or strong group they had the means to make as much damage as they wanted. Toshirou had only gone on a stake out mission along with some other Shinsengumi officers that Gintoki didn’t even know. The mission was supposed to just be to find out their plans and that was it. Not to engage, not to arrest, just to spy on them. There was not supposed to be a fight.
But a fight still took place and one of the recruits, Heisuke, had called for backup. They were only able to hear his frantic shouts calling for help over the radio before a loud explosion was heard and the connection went off. By the time they arrived, everything was covered in flames. The bodies of the two officers, Heisuke and Nagakura, were found by the entrance of the warehouse, their bodies burnt, barely recognizable. The exit so close and yet so far, unreachable thanks to all the debris obstructing it. Further into the warehouse, there were more burnt corpses, so calcined that their faces were melted to the point they were completely irreconizable, unlike Heisuke and Nagakura’s who were burnt too but some of their features were still recognizable. Amongst all those faceless corpses laid a single sword untouched by the raging flames that had killed all these people, as if it had been protected by a curse, Toshirou’s sword.
By the end of the story, Kagura, Shinpachi were crying unconsolably, Gintoki just looked away, trembling with too many emotions. A part of him wanted to punch the Gorilla for telling all of this to the kids, but he knows this man is suffering even more than they are. Toshirou had been his oldest friend, his brother, and now he was only a pile of calcined bones.
Kondo had wanted to make the funeral as soon as possible, but Sougo insisted to make sure they were honoring the right remains, refusing to honor any of the rebels’ remains instead of those of his comrades. The DNA testing was a long process, but thanks to Matsudaira’s contacts they were making quick work of it.
So now, as the yorozuya got ready to attend the funeral, they didn’t expect Kondo to show up again. Believing him to be handling the funeral aspects, his presence came as a surprise. He had a worried face and kept fidgeting, as if he wanted to tell them something but was unsure of how.
After several minutes of fidgeting that was getting on Gintoki’s temper, Kondo finally took a big breath and blurted out. “Toshi is not dead.”
“What?!” The three yorozuya shouted, shocked by these words.
Kondo fidgeted more. “Or maybe he is…?” He sounded unsure.
Gintoki groaned, trying to contain himself from punching him. “Gorilla, I’m really not in the mood for this kind of mind games. Is he dead or not?” He growled.
“I’m not sure.” Kondo said, wincing. “B-but… but none of the corpses found at the scene were his.”
“What?!” Both Kagura and Shinpachi shouted again.
Kondo nodded. “We didn’t find his body.” He bit his lip, a worried look on his face. “He is not amongst the bodies. B-but we don’t know where he is. Or even if he’s still alive.” He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Sougo believes he survived, that maybe he was taken or so-something.” His voice wavered. “But we don’t have any clues. All the known members of the group were in that warehouse. All of them are dead. Zaki already checked their other hideouts. Toshi is missing.” He sobbed, covering his face.
“I’ll find him.” Gintoki said, determinedly. “I will find him, wherever he is.”
Kondo looked at him, eyes shiny with tears. “Gin-san… Toshi may already be dead by now.” He said, voice shaky as more tears fell. “There hasn’t been any ransom note or anything of the sort. We don’t have a clue where he could be.”
“That doesn’t matter. I will find him.” Gintoki assured him.
“Yeah!” Kagura said determined. “We will!”
Shinpachi nodded. “And we will bring him back.”
Kondo nodded, biting his lips to hold back a sob. “I know I can trust the yorozuya.” He sighed. “I still have to go. Toshi may not be dead, but Heisuke and Nagakura deserve a funeral and we already put it off for too long.”
“We will find him soon.” Gintoki said.
Kondo smiled sadly at him. “Thanks, Gin-san.”
With that, Kondo left. “So? What is the plan, Gin-san?” Shinpachi asked.
“We need someone who knows more about this group.” Gintoki said firmly. “It’s time to visit Zura.”
Gintoki was fidgeting anxiously as he waited for Zura to open the door. After what seemed like an hour but was only a few seconds, the door of Zura’s current hideout opened. As soon as it opened, Zura’s surprised face greeted him. “Gintoki! What a surprise! You never visit me.” He said.
“What do you know about the Aizu group?” Gintoki didn’t waste another second to ask, he didn’t have time for pleasantries.
Zura’s eyes furrowed. “The Aizus? Why do you want to know about them?”
Gintoki growled, frustrated. “I don’t have time, Zura. Just tell me all you know about them!” He exclaimed anxiously.
Zura hesitated, turning to stare questioningly at Shinpachi and Kagura behind Gintoki. “Hijikata-san is missing.” Shinpachi said worriedly. “He was investigating the Aizus before he disappeared.”
“Oh…” Zura said in understanding. He looked back at Gintoki with a worried look. “And how are you faring, Gintoki?” He said.
“How do you think?!” Gintoki huffed, exasperated. “Just tell me what you know!”
Zura nodded. “Why don’t you come in? I will tell you more inside.” He said.
Gintoki pushed himself past him with a huff. “You better hurry up. Toshirou has been missing for 4 days now.”
Zura followed him as they all sat down, Elizabeth was there too but Gintoki ignored him. “Well, the Aizus are not a really big group and they are pretty new.” Zura said. “I heard they were completely wiped off recently, right, Elizabeth?”
Elizabeth nodded.
“Well, what else? They were the last to see Toshirou.” Gintoki said.
“I never knew much about them, but I do know that they had a lot of bombs and other weapons.” Zura said.
“We already know that!” Gintoki exclaimed angrily.
“They were a new group with very few members, Gintoki. How do you think they got all those weapons?” Zura said, raising an eyebrow.
Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows. “You think someone else gave it to them?” He asked.
Zura nodded. “It’s just a theory of mine, but… lately there has been an increase of relatively new and small groups with bombs or other deadly weapons in their arsenal.”
“Could all of them be tied together?” Shinpachi asked.
Zura nodded. “That’s what I think.” He said. “The Yamaguchis, the Sumiyoshis, the Kudos, the Aizus… all of them suddenly got an arsenal of weapons that groups such as them could not have gotten so easily.” He said. “I believe they have a sponsor.”
“So now we have to go to one of them and ask them to give us Toshi back, yes?” Kagura said.
Zura shook his head. “All of those groups were already arrested by the Shinsengumi.” He said.
“So… Do you think this sponsor is going after revenge?” Shinpachi asked worriedly. “You think they captured Hijikata-san for revenge?”
Zura hesitated but nodded. “Unless they ask for ransom or something, that’s the only reason I have for Hijikata to be taken.” He said.
“And how do we find the sponsor?” Gintoki asked.
“There’s one more group who I believe have ties with this sponsor. A group that has not been taken down by the Shinsengumi yet.” Zura said. “The Inagawa.” He turned to Elizabeth. “Elizabeth, could you give them information about the Inagawas?”
Elizabeth took a document behind his back and handed it to Gintoki. Gintoki quickly read it as Kagura and Shinpachi peered over his shoulder. “Wait.” Gintoki frowned. “Here it says that they are in Kyoto.”
Zurqa nodded. “That’s the only location I know of them. It’s the only clue I have. I’m sorry I can’t give you more.”
“Whatever, let’s just go to Kyoto as soon as possible.” Gintoki said.
“We should ask the Gorilla to lend us a car.” Kagura said.
“Wouldn’t it be quicker on the train?” Shinpachi asked.
“Where are we getting money for a train?” Kagura asked.
“We’ll worry about that later.” Gintoki said. “Let’s go.”
He took his phone out and sent a quick test to Kondo that said: ‘we have a lead. going to kyoto to look for Toshirou.’
He quickly got a text back saying: ‘Good. Tell me if you need anything, Gin-san!’
Gintoki didn’t answer those texts, he had to hurry to get to Kyoto soon.
4 days ago…
What was supposed to be a plain stakeout mission became one of the bloodiest battles Toshirou has taken part in all his years of working for the Shinsengumi. He was fighting against five enemies on his own, as he shouted at Heisuke to get reinforcements. He saw him near the exit shouting at the walkie talkie while fighting against two enemies with one hand. Nagakura was struggling with another four on his own.
There was no escaping, they had them surrounded. An explosion was heard, and Toshirou could only watch in horror as Heisulke was blown up along with the criminals he was fighting with and the ceiling in front of the entrance.
“Heisuke!” Nagakura shouted, but it distracted him for enough time for one of the terrorists to stab him in the gut.
“Dammit!” Toshirou shouted. He killed one of the terrorists as he tried to run towards them.
He could faintly hear the confused shouts of the terrorists that allowed Toshirou to guess they had not planned the explosion that had blasted Heisuke.
“Someone call Okawa!” A terrorist shouted.
“He is not responding!” Another shouted. They seemed to be starting to panic as the fire by the front entrance began spreading.
“We should have charged more!” One shouted.
Just then, Toshirou heard a loud noise like an helicopter, but he was too busy fighting the remaining 4 terrorists fighting against him. “Wait, there he is!” Someone shouted.
From the ceiling that had collapsed over some of the terrorists, a figure holding onto a ladder decended from the sky. The noise of a helicopter getting louder.
“Okawa! Where were you?! We have been trying to hold the target for ages!” One of the terrorists who was fighting against Toshiou said. “He-” Toshirou killed him before he could finish.
“We have to leave before reinforcements arrive.” The man, Okawa, said as he camly walked towards where Toshirou was fighting.
He wasn’t holding any sort of weapons, which only worried Toshirou more. He couldn’t know how he planned to attack and so he couldn’t rightfully defend himself.
“Dammit!” He grumbled to himself, knowing he was losing this battle.
“First get us out of here! You blew the entrance!” One said. “That was not part of the deal!”
Okawa smirked. “I think it’s time I get my prize.” Okawa said.
And then he took out a control and clicked the button. Several small explosions went off at the same time. One right under Toshirou. While it was not deadly, it threw him in the air several meters, making him let go of his sword. One terrorist quickly took it and pointed it at him, ready to strike.
“No hurting the merchandise!” Okawa singsong. And then took a gun and shot the guy who was holding Toshirou’s sword.
The remaining terrorists started muttering worriedly. “Hey, this was not part of the plan!” One shouted. Okawa shot him too.
They all began advancing towards Okawa, forgetting about Toshirou whose ears were still ringing from the explosion. His vision became blurry as he saw more explosions go off, another one too close to him and this time he actually lost consciousness.
In his last seconds of consciousness, Toshirou could only think that he was supposed to meet Gintoki in a few hours.
When Toshirou woke up again, he couldn’t see anything at first. After a brief moment of panic, he realized he had a blindfold on. This didn’t help him relax at all, but at least his eyesight wasn’t damaged during the bombs as far as he could tell.
His head hurt like hell and from the damp feeling on the back of it, Toshirou knew he must be bleeding. His ribs also hurt a little, but it wasn’t too bad, there wasn’t any difficulty in breathing at least.
His hands and legs were tied with a rough material, probably rope. If he had any luck, maybe he could find something to get out of these bindings. He tried shifting, testing the bindings, but they were tightly tied around him, leaving him barely able to move.
It was not long after this that he heard a door opening.
“Who are you?! Where have you taken me?! Let me out at once!” Toshirou demanded angrily.
The man chuckled, his steps coming closer to Toshirou. “You just woke up and you’re already making demands? Where are your manners, Hijikata-san?” The man said.
Suddenly, Toshirou felt hands on his face, touching his cheeks almost tenderly. Toshirou recoiled in disgust, getting as far away from those hands as he could.
“Shh… I’m not going to hurt you… yet.” The man said softly. “Stop moving.” He demanded and reached for Toshirou’s face again.
Toshirou tried to get out and away from him, but it was futile. However, all the man did was take the blindfold off. Toshirou squinted his eyes, getting used to the light and then glared at the man standing over him. The man looked to be in his early thirties with a clean shaved face, hair carefully styled and expensive looking clothes. He was looking down at him with a condescending smile.
“Has anyone ever told you your eyes are lovely when you glare like that?” The man asked.
Toshirou sneered at him. “What do you want with me?” He growled.
His grin widened. “Oh, many things, my darling.” Toshirou clicked his tongue at the term of endearment. “Revenge, mostly.” He added.
“Who are you?” Toshirou growled. “I don’t even know you.”
“The name’s Okawa Makuro, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, Hijikata-san.” The man said sarcastically as he began walking around the room with his hands behind his back, the condescending smile still on his face. “I have made sure to keep my name under wraps this whole time. But you have been a thorn in my side for months, Hijikata-san.” He said. “The Yamaguchis, the Sumiyoshis, The Kudos, the Aizus… do they ring any bells?” He asked.
All those terrorist groups were ones that Toshirou had investigated in the last year and helped imprision. The Aizus being the last of them, the ones that got him into this whole mess.
“What do you have to do with any of them?” Toshirou asked.
He had investigated those groups and in none of his investigations he had heard of anyone called Okawa.
“You may have not heard of me because I made sure no one knew about me.” Okawa said. “But I’m all of those groups' actual leader.” He said with a smirl. “As well as a few other groups you haven’t gone after yet, Hijikata-san. And I’ll make sure you won’t be able to take them down.”
While Toshirou had suspected all those groups had something in common, he could never find any concrete evidence to sustain his theory. But this proved it, their common link was this man, their Leader. So all those other leaders Toshirou has taken down were fake ones, probably only following Okawa’s orders.
“So are you going to kill me for ruining your plans?” Toshirou asked.
“Oh, no, that would be boring.” Okawa said, shaking his head. He came to stand once again in front of Toshirou, looking down at him with a wide grin. “I want to ruin you.”
Toshirou sneered at him. “There’s nothing you can do to ruin me.” He growled.
Okawa smirked. “Are you sure about that?” And with that, he grabbed Toshirou’s shirt and pulled him towards himself. And before Toshirou could react, Okawa kissed him right on the lips. After a brief moment of shock, Toshirou did the only thing he could think of, he bit down hard on Okawa’s lip, tasting blood on his tongue. Okawa let go of him and Toshirou fell harshly to the floor. Toshirou gagged in disgust as Okawa held his bleeding lip. He was trembling, but to Toshirou’s further horror, he began laughing, wiping the blood off his lip. He turned back to stare at Toshirou with a manic grin.
“Oh, we will have so much fun, Hjikata-san.” Okawa said. “But I can’t have you ruining my face. I have a meeting, y’know.” He walked towards the door. “My friends will keep you occupied in the meantime.” He said as two burly men walked inside. “Make sure to not break him completely.” He said to the men before he walked out, leaving Toshirou with those two.
Toshirou glared at them, not letting any emotion slip past. He could get through this. He had to if he wanted to go back home to the Shinsengumi and Gintoki.
Some time later, Toshirou trashed as his head was dunked into water again, trying to escape from the hold of both men without luck. One of them grabbed a fistful of his hair and harshly dragged him out of the water. Toshirou gasped, letting his lungs fill with air only for the man to push his head inside the water tank again mid-breathing in, making Toshirou choke on water.
He struggled underwater, trying to come out for air again, but he was only losing the only air in his lungs. His lungs were starting to hurt from a mix of lack of air and from slowly getting filled with the water Toshirou is being drowned in.
His vision was starting to get blurry and if this continued any longer he may pass out or maybe even drown. He is no longer sure how long they have been at this, but it felt like ages since Okawa left the room, leaving him with these two men who kept dunking his head in water, trying to drown him.
After what seemed like hours, Toshirou’s head was pushed out of the water. He took a quick breath preparing himself to be immersed into the water again, but this time, one of the men harshly pushed him to the floor, letting him cough out all the water he had involuntarily ingested.
Before he could even control his coughing, the men were already gone out of the door, leaving him alone in the room, shivering from the cold and with all his clothes drenched. His throat was sore from drowning and coughing out all the water.
He stared at the dirty ceiling once he got his normal breathing back. He thought of Okawa and what they had talked about before.
While Toshirou had considered that all those terrorist groups were linked in some way due to the various weapons they had that seemed to come from the same manufacturer, he never considered that they would all have a common leader. A leader that now has a personal vendetta against him.
What will happen to him now? What else will Okawa’s men do to him? What would Okawa do to him?
Just thinking of the man kissing him again made Toshirou want to throw up more than just water. He had to find a way to get out of here before that could happen. He sat up, still shivering, and looked around the room for anything that could help him get out of these bindings.
However, before he could fully look at the pretty bare room, the door opened and Okawa came inside.
“Oh, dear, look at you.” He cooed. “You must be freezing.”
Toshirou sneered at him. “Fuck you.”
Okawa grinned. “Maybe later.” He approached Toshirou with his arms full. One hand holding a tray and the other a big blanket. “First, we need to warm you up.” He said. “We don’t want you catching a cold, do we?” Without waiting for an answer, he draped the blanket over Toshirou’s body, and rubbed his sides. Toshirou tried to move away, but the bindings made it hard. “There. All better, isn’t it?” He said.
“What do you want from me?” Toshirou asked. “I won’t tell you anything.”
Okawa waved his hand dismissively. “I didn’t capture you just for some boring information.” He said. “I told you I wanted to see you completely ruined.” He grinned and then caressed Toshirou’s damp face before he jerked away. “This… is just the start, Hjikata-san… we’re going to have much more fun from now on.” He stood up, leaving the tray by Toshirou’s side. A bowl of wet dog food that smelled disgusting. “I would leave you water too, but I think you already had enough earlier, right?” He smirked amusedly.
“Go to hell.” Toshirou growled.
Okawa chuckled. “Only if you accompany me there, Hijikata-san!” He said mischievously. He then left the room.
Toshirou didn’t eat that day.
The next day, he didn’t sleep a wink, but was still unable to get out of the bindings and with his wrist and ankles sore and bleeding from trying to free himself with no avail. He was hungry due to refusing to eat the dog food. However, he knows he should be conserving his energy and he should eat anything he can get, but he can’t make himself eat that shit without any mayonnaise.
Okawa came sometime around noon, with a piece of stale bread. “You didn’t eat your dinner, Hijikata-san.” He said, shaking his head in disappointment.
“As if I would eat that shit.” Toshirou growled. “It doesn’t even have mayonnaise in it.”
Okawa snorted. “I did hear about your love for mayonnaise.” He said, taking a mayonnaise bottle out of his pocket. It was not the brand Toshirou preferred, but it was mayonnaise. “Though, my informants also said you like dog food, so I thought they may have been wrong about it.” He shrugged and threw the loaf of bread and the mayonnaise bottle at Toshirou’s side.
“Who are your informants?” Toshirou asked, raising an eyebrow.
Okawa shrugged. “Oh, just a stupid drunkard.” He said, walking around the cell leisurely. “He had many things to say about you, Toshirou-kun.” He smirked at him.
Toshirou norrowed his eyes at him, a bad feeling in his gut. “Who gave you permission to call me by my name, asshole?” He growled.
Okawa made a mock hurt face. “Ah, Toshirou-kun! Don’t you like it?! This guy I was talking with kept calling you that! You should tell him that you don’t like it!”
There was only one person that called him like that.
“What did you do to him?!” Toshirou growled.
Okawa smirked. “Nothing.” He said. “Yet.” He added.
“Don’t you dare do anything to him! Do you hear me?! Stay away from him!” Toshirou shouted furiously, once again attempting to free himself so he could beat Okawa’s stupid face.
“Don’t worry, I’m not stupid.” Okawa said, rolling his eyes. “I know your little boyfriend is none other than the infamous Shiroyasha.” He said as Toshirou gritted his teeth. “And I don’t have anything against him, so I have no reason to seek a fight with someone like him.” He turned to smirk at Toshirou. “And even if I wanted to break him, I think it’ll be more than enough to ruin his precious boyfriend while he’s out of his reach.”
“I won’t let that happen.” Toshirou growled.
Okawa shrugged. “Either you’re leaving this place completely broken beyond repair or dead. Either way, I’m going to enjoy it, Hijikata-san.” He walked towards the door. “Hope you have enough appetite for your dear mayonnaise after my friends are done with you.” And with that, he left the room and the two men from before came inside.
This time, the men took turns to punch and kick Toshirou while all he could do was lay there and take it. It didn’t last as long as he expected, much less than the torture from yesterday, but it still left him feeling sore. At least he was sure nothing was broken with the exception of his lip that was lightly bleeding.
He was losing strength and he knew he had to eat soon or it would only get worse. Begrudgingly, he ate the stale bread with mayonnaise that tasted slightly off, but still good. It made him miss Mayorin even more.
Once his mind was more alert thanks to the food he ate, Toshirou began to process everything. This man, Okawa, had a personal vendetta against him. But not only that, it was clear the man had some kind of sickening infatuation on him. All the flirting and the kiss made it clear.
That was probably what worried him the most. He couldn’t know what Okawa would do to him, what would he do if he decided to act on his attraction towards him. Just the thought made him shiver in disgust and made him want to throw up the bread and mayonnaise he just ate.
There was also the fact that Okawa had made contact with Gintoki at some point. Probably on one of Gintoki’s drunken nights. That meant Gintoki could be a target, Okawa could change his mind and decide to hurt Gintoki if only to get back at Toshirou. He didn’t want that. He would prefer to deal with any torture if it meant Gintoki, and anyone else back home, was safe.
But then he thought of Okawa’s words. Either Toshirou gets broken by the terrorist or he dies. Either way, he can only think how that would affect Gintoki.
Just a few days ago Gintoki was all depressed and moody due to the anniversary of the death of his friend and teacher. What would he feel if Toshirou dies now? He doesn’t want Gintoki going through more pain. He is not afraid of anything Okawa could do to him, he has always been prepared to die in the line of work, but… just thinking of Gintoki losing someone else again leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Even if that someone is Toshirou. Gintoki doesn’t deserve to go through more pain.
That means only one thing: Toshirou needs to escape this place.
It was not easy, but he managed to bite the mayonnaise bottle until it was sharp enough to cut, which made his lips start bleeding more. Once he had a sharp enough object he used it to cut the rope tying his wrists. It took longer than he would have wanted, and he started to think that it may not work. The rope was thick and sturdy, so it took him a while to make any progress. But after what seemed like ages, the rope started breaking until he was finally able to free his hands.
Now with his hands free, it was easier to untie the rope tying his ankles until he was completely free. He walked towards the door and it was locked as expected, but he twisted the mayonnaise bottle until he managed to make a makeshift key that opened the door.
Mayonnaise really is a gift from heaven!
Once with the door open, Toshirou looked around the hallway, finding it bare, much to his surprise and worry. He knew this couldn’t be anything good, so he made as little noise as he could, walking around the halls of this place. Without a sword, Toshirou only had his fists to fight, and with the beating from earlier he isn’t sure that would be enough for him to win.
The place didn’t look too big and Toshirou was on the first floor so it made things easier, which only added to his paranoia. Getting out of this place was too easy and that could only mean one thing: this was a trap.
Toshirou left the building, but he didn’t waste time breathing in the fresh air. He looked around, once again not seeing anyone around. The sun was already gone from the sky, hiding behind mountains. The imagery was unfamiliar which meant Toshirou was not in Edo. Before he could worry about his wearabouts, he walked into the forest, his heart racing.
Once he was sure the darkness of the night and the thick trees surrounding him hid him from the view of the hideout, Toshirou ran with no real destination in mind. His only plan was to reach civilization and then he could ask someone to lend him a phone so he could call Kondo.
And he managed to do it, reaching civilization without any struggle. By the time he reached the first building, Toshirou was panting from exhaustion, but he felt exilarated. He was so close to freedom.
“Oh, dear! What happened to you?!” An old lady said in front of him.
“Oba-san, do you have a phone?” Toshirou panted, feeling exhaustion creeping in.
She shook her head. “I’m afraid I’m not very fond of those kinds of tech thingies.” She said. “But I can lead you to the closest phone booth, dear.”
Toshirou nodded. “Thank you.” He said.
He followed her, still wary of his surroundings. He looked around, paranoid. But the people around this little town look like innocent civilians. The streets were filled mostly of old men and women, but there were a couple of young couples and a handful of little kids, running around without care in the world, giggling as if there was no worry in the world.
The old lady led him to a phone booth. “Here, dear. In case you need it.” She said, handing him a couple of pennies.
“Thanks.” Toshirou mumbled. “Umm, what’s the name of this town?” He asked.
“Ide.” She said. “Well, if that’ll be enough. I have to go take care of my grandson.” She smiled at him and turned around.
Toshirou slipped a quarter into the booth and it made a loud clang as it fell.
The booth exploded before Toshirou could insert the number.
When Toshirou woke up again, he was back in the cell, most of his clothes were burned and he had a burn on his right leg, but he was otherwise fine considering he had just been exploded.
He is not sure how long it was since the explosion and him waking up, but by the time his mind was fully conscious and the pain was too unbearable it was already late afternoon, meaning he must have spent unconscious for almost a day at least. He was once again tied by the hands and ankles, but this time with sturdy chains instead of rope, his movement even more limited than before.
“Finally awake, I see.” Okawa said as he entered the room. “Had fun on your walk around town, Hijikata-san?” he aske grinning.
“Fuck you.” Toshirou groaned.
“Would it make you feel better to know that all the innocent civilians near the phone booth also died?” Okawa asked with a smirk.
“That bomb was not that potent.” Toshirou said with a gruff. Okawa was only trying to play with his mind and he wouldn’t let him.
“Yeah, because I don’t want you to die yet.” Okawa said. “But that wasn’t the only bomb around town.” He added with a smirk. “I thought you would like it. You should have seen it. It was such a beautiful espectacle. All those corpses… the fire… the screams…” He sighed with a grin. “And what’s better, it was you that caused it, Hijikata-san.” He smirked at him. “If you hadn’t tried to use that phone booth. If you hadn’t attempted to escape, none of those people would be dead. All those men, women and chidren would still be alive if it weren’t for you, Hijikata-san. You killed them.”
“You killed them, bastard. I had nothing to do with it.” Toshirou growled. “I thought you said you only wanted to break me! Why involve all those people?!”
“Because you’re a good man, Hijikata-san. You care about the innocent.” Okawa said. “And I don’t care about them. I’m not losing anything with their deaths. I only gain more entertainment.”
“You’re a sick bastard.” Toshirou growled.
Okawa chuckled. “Maybe.” He walked towards the door and Toshirou didn’t have to look to know that the men were already waiting to come in. “But that’s what makes life so much more interesting, wouldn’t you say?” He sent him a smirk. “Have fun with my friends, Hijikata-san. Today you’ll be broken one way or another.”
He left the room, closing the door behind the two burly men. This time they came armed, one with metal knuckle dusters and the other with a bat. Toshirou braced himself from the beating he was about to get, trying to cover the best he could his vital points.
He passed out before they were done to him, a hit in the head with the baseball bat that made him finally lose consciousness after at least an hour of being brutally beaten half to death.
But Toshirou prided himself in never begging or crying as he felt his bones breaking, not wanting to give Okawa any sort of the sadistic entertainment he so desired. He promised himself he wouldn’t break under Okawa’a torture methods and he didn’t intend to go back on that promise.
There are already too many promises he broke…
He couldn’t stop thinking about the last time he talked with Gintoki over the phone. Not even in person. Toshirou had still been angry at him, but now he regrets it. He should have been more understanding to Gintoki, he knows that day is a hard day for him. He knows Takasugi and his teacher were important to him. Toshirou also gets in a bad mood around Mitsuba’s death anniversary.
They had been dating for just a few months, Toshirou shouldn’t consider himself that important to Gintoki for him to want his help. He has never wanted Toshirou’s help, why should now that they are dating be any different? And yet, Gintoki’s words still hurt more than he would like to admit.
But either way, he shouldn’t have gotten mad at Gintoki, no matter if his feelings had gotten hurt. No matter if it feels like the man he loves doesn’t love him to the same extent. He shouldn’t have been too harsh on him. He should have made time to talk with Gintoki before that mission. He should have told him he loves him before he ended up here, with no way home and with no chances of ever seeing him again.
When Toshirou woke up, several hours after passing out, he wheezed painfully, turning to his back, extending his pained limbs as he stared up at the ceiling. He mentally counted the injuries he just got. A swollen eye, a cut over his eyebrow, another deeper cut on his lip, a wroken wrist, a sprained ankle and he’s pretty sure he has at least one broken rib. He has a bruise on the back of his head that Toshirou hopes is not too serious. The rest of his body hurts and is littered with dark bruises, but he is pretty sure nothing else is broken.
The door opened, but Toshirou didn’t look up, he couldn’t, it hurt too much and he didn’t want to show any weakness to Okawa.
“How are you feeling, Hijikata-san?” Okawa asked gently, kneeling by his side and putting down a first aid kit next to him.
“Fuck you.” Toshirou growled without looking at him.
Okawa sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. “You still haven’t learned, dear.” He looked at Toshirou with a look that could be mistaken with worry. “Why do you like getting hurt so much?”
“I hate you.” Toshirou said as Okawa got healing supplies to treat his wounds. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to be mine completely, Hijikata-san.” Okawa said, carefully dabbing a cotton with antiseptic on the cut on Toshirou’s eyebrow. “Can’t you see it? I adore you.”
Toshirou sneered at him. “You disgust me.”
Okawa put gauze on the wound and went to treat the hit on his head. “I know.” He said. “But it’s only a matter of time, dear. Soon you’ll see that I’m not that bad. I could treat you better than your little boyfriend.”
Toshirou tensed at the mention of Gintoki. “Don’t talk about him.” He growled.
“I have more money than what he would ever dream of having.” Okawa continued, ignoring Toshirou’s demand. “I could take you places, I could give you the world, Toshirou.”
“Don’t call me that.” Toshirou growled, trying to sit up and get away from him.
Okawa grabbed him by the wroken wrist with a serious face, putting pressure on it. “Don’t make me go after him, Toshirou.” He threatened. “With him gone, you will only be mine.”
The threat did send a shiver down Toshirou’s spine like nothing else Okawa has done, but he still didn’t let it show. “He would end you.” He growled.
Okawa huffed, smirking. “I’m sure he would.” He said. “But then he will have to watch all his loved ones die, one by one.” He stood up as Toshirou was left frozen by the threat. “Rest well, Toshirou. We have a long day tomorrow.” With that he left, taking the first aid supplies with him, most of Toshirou’s body still untreated.
The next day came painfully slow, between all his painful injuries and the throbbing hunger Toshirou doesn’t have much energy to even think. Since the day he escaped, Okawa has not fed him a thing, not even water. He’s tired, hungry, and thirsty. He just wants to go home with Gintoki and the rest.
He wonders if the Shinsengumi would be okay without him. He wonders if Gintoki will recover from his loss. He wonders if he’ll get to see them again.
When Okawa enters the room on his fourth day here, Toshirou doesn’t even fight it. He doesn’t respond to any of his words, doesn’t even turn to look at him. He flinches when Okawa touches his cheek tenderly, but after that disgusting hand retreats, Toshirou goes back to stare at the ceiling in silence, too tired to even cuss Okawa out.
Before he left, Okawa sighed. “Did you already break, Hijikata-san?” He asked.
He doesn’t want to respond, doesn’t want to keep entertaining this bastard, but the prideful part of himself hates the idea of Okawa thinking he already broke him. “Fuck off.” He groans, his voice hoarse and his mouth too dry to properly speak.
Okawa huffed, but he smiled fondly. “I knew you wouldn’t break so easily.” He said, turning around and opening the door. “I’ll bring you something nice to eat tonight.” He said as the men entered the room again.
The door was shut behind him again, but Toshirou didn't turn to look at them. He notices the whips on their hands and already knows he is in for a lot of pain, but he doesn’t care. He won’t react to entertain these assholes. Not even if his skin is peeled off and he bleeds out. No matter if all his clothes are torn beyond repair, the whips cutting into the fabric and into his skin.
Toshirou bit his lips until they were bleeding so he didn't scream in pain. He squeezed his eyes shut so the tears didn't fall. He couldn’t move, both from the chains and his old and new injuries so he doesn’t even try to get out of the whip’s path.
When they were done with him, Toshirou was in too much pain to even fall unconscious, but he managed to keep his pride intact. He laid on the floor face down to avoid resting on his bleeding back. He was bleeding and if he continues like this it won’t matter how much he tried to protect his pride, he will die either way.
He had his eyes closed when Okawa came inside, however, more steps came in too, which actually made him look. Okawa was there smiling tenderly at him while holding a tray of decent looking food and his favorrite mayonnaise brand along with a full jar of water. Next to him was a man with a lab coat and healing supplies.
“Hi, Toshirou-kun, how are you feeling?” He asked. Toshirou just glared at him, but didn’t respond. Okawa didn’t seem to mind so he just nodded at the doctor who moved to Toshirou’s side. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure your wounds are treated. We wouldn't want them to get infected, right?” Toshirou didn’t respond again.
The doctor made quick work on him, treating all his wounds, even the old ones. Toshirou had to bite his lip again when he disinfected his back, but he managed to deal with the pain until finally the doctor finished, leaving his back, wrist and ankle bandaged.
That’s when Okawa kneeled by his side, putting the tray next to him. “Brought you food. I think you’ll like it.”
Toshirou wanted to throw the tray at his face, but he knew he indeed needed this. He shakily took the glass of water and brought it to his lips. “You should eat too.” Okawa said after Toshirou had already drunk half the glass.
So Toshirou shakily took the meat buns and the mayonnaise bottle, pouring some mayo on the buns. But just as he was about to bite down on them, he felt shame creeping up at him. Why is he accepting food from this asshole? He can survive without this.
“Just eat. You won’t gain anything from starving yourself.” Okawa said, seemingly reading his mind. “I even brought your favorite brand of mayonnaise. Aren’t I nice?”
Toshirou glared at him, but bit down on the food. He ate them in record time from how hungry he had been. They were mediocre at best, but the mayonnaise was as good as always, and he was hungry so he didn’t care much about the taste. “Here, drink more.” Okawa said. “Tomorrow is a special day, after all.”
More torture, what a surprise. Toshirou rolled his eyes. He’s already tired of this and wonders how Okawa hasn’t gotten bored with him yet. With no response from Toshirou, Okawa sighed. “I guess you don’t feel like talking today so I’ll leave you to rest. See you tomorrow, Toshirou-kun.” He left him alone, taking the tray with him.
The next day, on what would be Toshirou’s fifth day here, Okawa came into the room accompanied by the two men. This was unusual. Usually he comes to taunt Toshirou before leaving him alone with the men to torture him and then come back to treat his wounds and continue to taunt him.
But this time he came with the men from the start. Will he stay to watch them torture Toshirou this time? Will he participate in the torture of today? Toshirou didn’t care, he just wanted this to be over with.
“How are you feeling, Toshirou?” Okawa asked.
“Die, bastard.” Toshirou growled.
“Oh! You seemed to have regained your energy!” Okawa grinned. “That’s great! Perfect! Just what I wanted for today!” He approached him slowly. “You see, Toshirou… I have something big planned for today.” He grinned and then sent a look to the men.
They both approached Toshirou, one holding him tightly as the other came to stand behind Toshirou where he wasn’t able to see him.
“Now, you see, Toshirou… I have been watching you for a while.” Okawa said, getting closer to Toshirou’s face. “And I can’t help but admire you. Your strength, your intelligence, your skills, your beauty…” He caressed Toshirou’s cheeks and when he tried to move away, the man holding him down impeded it. “And all I could think of was making you mine.” Toshirou sneered, a bad feeling rising in his gut, he felt nauseous. “And that day will be today.” He said, looking behind Toshirou. “Now.”
And then, Toshirou felt a sharp pinch on the side of his neck and he realized with daunting horror that he had just injected something. “What did you do?!” Toshirou shouted.
Okawa smirked. “You’re not quite broken yet so I had to use other methods to make sure you’ll become mine.” He said just as Toshirou started feeling his heart beating faster. “An aphrodisiac.” Toshirou blanched. “Soon, you’ll start to feel the effects.”
“I won’t let you. I won’t let you do this to me!” Toshirou shouted. “Just kill me! Why are you playing with me? Just kill me!”
“But that would be boring.” Okawa shrugged. “I will have too much fun during this.”
Toshirou felt hot, so hot. He was starting to sweat through the remains of his clothes. He could shamefully feel himself harden under his pants. He started panting as his mind clouded. He doesn’t want this. He would prefer to die than to let Okawa have his way with him. He needed to fight back, but he couldn’t feel his limbs, all he could feel was the blood traveling directly to his dick.
He closed his eyes in shame, trying to not let a whimper out. He was unbearably hard and he knows Okawa noticed by now. He felt the chains fall, liberating him from the bindings, but there was nothing he could do about that. He was already too far gone to move.
“Leave us.” Okawa ordered and Toshirou heard the men leaving the room.
Okawa then came to kneel right in front of Toshirou. He caressed his cheek, sending shivers to Toshirou who felt too sensitive to everything.
“You’re such a sight.” Okawa said pleased. “If only your boyfriend could see you right now…”
This made Toshirou finally attempt to move, moving weakly but determined. He tried punching Okawa but it came out way weaker than he intended, barely bothering Okawa at all who just raised an eyebrow.
“Did I touch a nerve?” Okawa smirked. “Don't worry, I intend to touch more than that.” He moved his hand from Toshirou’s cheek, down to his neck, sending more shivers to him,
“Fuck off.” Toshirou panted. “I’ll kill you.” He threatened and attempted another punch but this time it came even weaker than before. His limbs were not doing what he wanted. He was under Okawa's will.
The hand Okawa was caressing him with came to rest above Toshirou’s waistband, and Toshirou tried to struggle, tried to get away, but his body was not working anymore, he could not do anything to stop Okawa from taking down Toshirou’s pants, leaving him only in boxers.
“Oh, look at all this precum.” Okawa smirked. “You’re so wet already, dear.”
Toshirou looked away in shame. “I hate you.” He muttered, not even his tongue was working properly. “I’ll kill you…”
Okawa ignored this as he leaned in closer to Toshirou. “I adore you, Toshirou.” And then he leaned in and kissed Toshirou on the lips.
With the strength he had left, Toshirou moved his face away, but this didn’t stop Okawa, he just continued kissing his neck and then traveled down as one hand came to cup Toshirou’s dick over his boxers, making him flinch in disgust and oversensitivity. Everything felt too much, he felt aroused and disgusted at the same time. He wanted to puke his guts out, but he also wanted to cum. But most of all, he wanted to kill this bastard for daring to touch him, for daring to do this to him.
He wanted to be back home, with Gintoki. Let Gintoki do this to him instead of Okawa. Gintoki is the only one who should be touching him like this.
“Gintoki…” Toshirou whimpered.
Okawa’s grip on his clothed cock tightened, making Toshirou let out a pained whimper. “Don’t you dare say his name.” Okawa growled. “How dare he want to take you all for himself?!” He shouted. “You’re mine!” He kissed him forcefully on the lips again as Toshirou tried to move away with no avail.
And then Toshirou bit down hard on Okawa’s lip, tasting blood.
“Fuck!” Okawa shouted, holding his lip. He looked at his hand now covered in blood and he started chuckling. “You’re really starting to piss me off, Toshirou!” He growled. He put both hands on the waistband of Toshirou’s boxers. “Let’s see if you’re so confident when I have my cock in your ass!”
And then he took Toshirou’s boxers off in one swift movement, leaving him now completely bare.
“Let go of me…” Toshirou slurred. “Don’t… don’t touch me…”
Okawa didn’t listen to him, wrapping a hand over Toshirou’s hard dick. “I will make you feel good, Toshirou. You’ll see.” He started jerking his cock slowly.
Toshirou felt vomit rising in his throat. “No! Stop!” He shouted.
And then the door banged open. “I told you to leave us alone!!” Okawa shouted, turning around to face the door.
Both Toshirou and Okawa froze as they saw who was by the door, wooden bokuto in hand. “Gin…toki…” Toshirou mumbled, equal parts relieved and ashamed.
Gintoki took the scene before him and his face visibly darken, sending visible shivers down Okawa. “You’re dead, bastard.” He growled in a low threatening voice.
And in one swift moment that was too quick for Toshirou to process, Gintoki hit Okawa with his bokuto, sending him flying to the wall. In the next moment, Gintoki was kneeling beside Toshirou.
“Toshirou! Are you… are you alright?” Gintoki asked, the worry quite clear in his tone and face.
“I’m… fine.” Toshirou mumbled. “Drugged.” He added. “He drugged me.”
Gintoki took his yukata off, placing it around Toshirou protectively. “Let’s get you out of here.” He said softly.
“Not so fast!” Okawa shouted, rising behind them, his head bleeding. “I won’t let you take him again! He’s mine!” And then he took out a gun and pointed it at Gintoki.
But Gintoki was faster. In one movement, he hit the gun away from Okawa’s hands and then started beating him. Toshirou heard Okawa’s bones breaking under Gintoki’s bokuto, accompanied by Okawa’s screams of pain, but he could no longer turn to look.
Eventually, a loud crack was heard and Okawa shut up for the last ime. Gintoki came to Toshirou’s side again. “Are you okay?” Gintoki asked softly.
“No…” Toshirou said truthfully. “Take me home.” He pleaded.
Gintoki nodded and surrounded him in his arms, but before he could carry him, Toshirou turned to his side and threw up. He fell unconscious after that.
When he woke up again, he was in a hospital. The pain was dull meaning that he must have been dosed with analgesics. He sluggishly turned to his side, seeing a mop of silver hair laying next to Toshirou’s hand.
“Gintoki…” he mumbled, caressing Gintoki’s hair tenderly.
Gintoki tensed and looked up, eyes widening at seeing Toshirrou. “Toshirou!” Gintoki shouted, fretting over him. “Are you alright?! How are you feeling?! Does anything hurt?!”
Toshirou shook his head. “I’m fine…”
Gintoki whined. “How can you say that?! Just look at you!! You’re covered in bruises! You have 3 broken ribs! And that’s not even the worst of it!” He shouted.
Toshirou smiled. “But I’m here with you now, so it’s fine.” He could feel himself start losing consciousness. “I missed you, Gintoki.”
Gintoki took Toshirou’s hand. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry about everything!” He exclaimed. “I’m sorry for what I said to you that day! I’m sorry for not being there to help you! I’m sorry for taking so long to come to save you!”
Toshirou caressed his cheek with a fond smile. “You have nothing to apologize for.” He mumbled. “I’m sorry too for worrying you.”
“Toshirou! Don't say that!” Toshirou closed his eyes, still smiling. “Don’t go back to sleep! Please! I love you!”
Toshirou hummed. “Love you too…” he said before falling unconscious.
When he woke up again there were more people in the room. A doctor, a nurse, Gintoki, Kondo and Sougo. They were talking about something in hushed tones. This time, Sougo was the first to notice him awake.
“Look who’s finally awake.” Sougo deadpanned.
“Toshirou!” Gintoki came running to his side.
The doctor came to stand before him. “How are you feeling, Hijikata-san?” He asked.
“Fine.” Toshirou mumbled, even though that was a lie. Everything hurts too much to properly think.
“You died once on the way here.” The doctor said. “That drug took a toll on your heart. So you must take it easy for a while, you understand?”
“Right…” Toshirou mumbled, too tired to complain.
“We will check on you tomorrow. You should rest.” He said and left with the nurse.
“Toshi! How are you feeling?!” Kondo asked. “You really worried us! I’m so sorry! I should have been there with you!” He cried.
“Heisuke and Nagakura?” Toshirou asked.
Kondo’s face fell. “They didn’t make it.” He said softly. “They died in that warehouse.” He said.
“We thought you died with them.” Sougo said. “One of the corpses had this.” He raised Toshirou’s sword. “You should take better care of your sword, Hijikata-san. Don't you know a sword is the soul of a samurai? You should repent for this by committing seppuku.”
“Shut up.” Toshirou groaned.
“Could you guys leave us alone?” Gintoki mumbled, holding Toshirou’s hand.
“Sure, Gin-san. Thanks for everything.” Kondo said, patting his back.
“Bye, Danna.” Sougo said.
Once they were alone, Gintoki sighed. “Toshirou, I…” He closed his eyes briefly, taking a deep breath, and then he looked at him straight in the eyes. “I’m sorry.” He said. “I’m sorry about everything. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.” Gintoki said, guilt clear in his voice.
“None of this was your fault, Gintoki.” Toshirou said. “I’m just glad you came before anything could happen.”
Gintoki’s face darkened. “I wish I could kill that bastard again.” He muttered.
“I wish I could have killed him myself.” Toshirou muttered. “Thank you. For saving me.”
“I would do it any day.” Gintoki said. “Toshirou, I… I love you. I love you so much.” He said earnestly. “I’m sorry for what I said the other day. I was in a bad mood and took it out on you, but I didn’t mean anything of what I said. I love you.”
“I love you too, Gintoki.” Toshirou smiled. “And I’m not angry about that anymore. I’m sorry too for getting angry. I knew you were having a hard time.”
Gintoki shook his head. “That doesn’t mean I had any right to say any of that to you.” He said. “I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you.” Toshirou said. “I’m sorry too, for worrying you.”
“None of that was your fault, please, don’t blame yourself!” Gintoki exclaimed. “Please, this is not your fault! You didn’t want any of that to happen to you!”
Toshirou sighed. “Either way, I’m sorry you had to see that.” He said, shame filling him, making him look away. “I didn’t want him touching me.” He mumbled.
Gintoki’s grip on his hand tightened. “I know.” He said. A hint of rage in his tone. “I know, Toshirou. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“At least you came in time.” Toshirou mumbled. “Thank you. I wouldn’t have been able to push him off. If it hadn’t been for you, I… I would have been…” He hesitated, feeling like throwing up again.
“Let’s not think about that. Nothing happened and none of it was your fault.” Gintoki said tenderly. “You were so strong to survive days of torture on your own. None of this is your fault.”
“Thanks…” Toshirou said. “Gintoki… can… can you hold me?” He whispered, embarrassed.
“Of course.” Gitoki said.
He carefully laid next to Toshirou on the bed, careful to not put any pressure on any of his injuries. Carefully, Gintoki surrounded him with his arms, pulling Toshirou close to his chest. Toshirou gripped Gintoki’s shirt, shaking with the effort of holding back tears.
“I hated it.” Toshirou said, a sob escaping from his lips. “I hated it when he touched me.”
Gintoki held him together, caressing his hair tenderly. “It’s okay. You’re fine now. I’m here. I won’t let anyone else ever touch you.”
Toshirou sobbed, crying into Gintoki's chest, feeling safer than he has felt in days. He knew that in Gintoki’s arms, he would be safe. It was easier to fall asleep next to him.
When Gintoki opened that door to see that bastard touching Toshirou all he could see was red. He has never been more satisfied with killing someone as he felt killing that man for daring to do all that to Toshirou.
He thought all his efforts had been in vain when Toshirou’s heart stopped on the way to the hospital, but the paramedics were able to bring him back to life. And Toshirou made it through all the stuff the doctors did on him, treating the wide arrange of injuries he had.
When Toshirou woke up, Gintoki could no longer keep waiting. He told him he loved him. He had waited so much to tell him and he almost lost him before he could. Toshirou told him he loved him too before falling unconscious and for a brief moment Gintoki feared he wouldn’t wake up again. But he did, and he got to properly confess again and Toshirou reciprocated his feelings.
From then on, Gintoki helped Toshirou recover, both from his injuries and from the traumatizing experience he went through. For weeks after that, Toshirou had constant nightmares, often waking up in cold sweat, throwing up and spending a long time in the shower, coming out with his skin raw red.
It hurt him to see him going through that, but he stood by his side in every step of the way until the nightmares stopped coming so frequently, until Gintoki’s touch didn’t make him flinch. Until Toshirou initiated intimacy.
Things started falling back to place and life got better with time. The trauma was not forgotten, but it was better. And those dark days were completely overcomed by the time Gintoki dared to propose to Toshirou, years later. And there was no hesitation in the officer when he agreed to marry Gintoki.
And as he kissed his now fiancé, Gintoki knew that he would go through any hardship if it meant protecting Toshirou and being by his side.