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Touka came back from her two week mission tired, sore and grumpy.
It had been an irritating mission, a tracking mission to take out a group of bandits and return some prized scroll to some prissy nobleman, and had ended up with her chasing them down through Frost and almost into Lightning before she caught up. The group had only two chakra-users in it, but they were irritatingly fast and evasive. Unfortunately for them, her regular sparring partner was Tobirama. No evasive maneuvers could match his speed or skill.
Still, they had gotten one good hit on her, leaving her with a sizable bruise on her thigh that still stung when she put weight on it.
Naturally, she’d taken their heads in return.
But what really irritated her most about the mission was the fact that it had come at the last second and she was the best choice for the job. She tried to decline, but Hashirama had insisted that it should be handled by her.
Nevermind that his brother’s birthday was in two days, and there was no way she’d get back in time to celebrate it.
Touka sighed, reclined in her bathtub as she soaked in some sort of mineral-mix-magic-potion or whatever it was that Tobirama had put together for her as a gift on her own birthday.
“I’m not magic, Touka.” She could practically hear Tobirama chide, his voice sounding fondly exasperated, a tone she knew that he only used with her and his students. She snorted at the imaginary Tobirama, not magic her foot! She didn’t know how else he could do half the things he did. Chakra was definitely not supposed to work in half the ways he used it!
She hauled herself from the tub with a sigh, drying and changing with swift efficiency, pausing briefly to swipe a red-tinted finger along her lips to stain them her usual red and then apply a salve to her thigh–-Another one of Tobirama’s mixtures, this one made with medicinal plants he'd gotten Hashirama to grow--before setting out. Normally she’d take a day to relax after a mission, but there was no way she was delaying wishing her favorite cousin a happy birthday for any longer than she could. She was already a week and a half late!
Knowing her cousin, he was probably still at work. Hashirama's paperwork certainly wasn't going to do itself after all. The thought was a bitter one, but true. It wouldn't do itself and Hashirama certainly wasn't going to do it either. Besides, he was more likely to get distracted and mess things up than fill it out correctly in any decent amount of time. At this point she wished that they could just give Tobirama the hat, maybe then he'd get some sort of acknowledgement for the back-breaking amount of effort that he put into making this village work.
She sauntered into the Hokage tower, nodding in acknowledgement to the front desk receptionist, Nara Kanosuke, who was used to seeing her coming and going. He always looked vaguely amused to watch her drag Tobirama home to actually get some sleep.
“Senju-san.” He called after her, making her stop. She turned to him, raising a brow. She thought about tapping her foot impatiently when he paused for a moment, but he spoke again before she could start.
“Tobirama-Sama hasn’t left the tower in the last forty-eight hours.” The Nara informed her, his face set into a grim expression. The tightness around his eyes a clear sign of worry.
(And how sad was it, that even a receptionist seemed more concerned with Tobirama's unhealthy habits and tendency to overwork than the man's own brother?)
Touka’s impatience was swept away by worry. That… Was not a good sign.
“He’s been spending similar lengths of time here since a few days after you left, only going home for about five hours every few days.” Kanosuke rubbed a hand over his face. Touka wondered how long he'd been staying to work just to keep track. Nara's could claim laziness all they wanted, but they had an unwavering sense of duty when it came down to it.
“I’ve been making sure he at least gets meals delivered, but I don’t know if they’re being eaten or if he's disposing of them somehow.” He trailed off, muttering something that sounded like “Troublesome” under his breath.
Touka’s eyes narrowed, “Would you say it started two days after I left?” She asked. The receptionist made a so-so gesture.
“Sort of? He worked as normal for most of the day, I think he might've stepped out briefly around dinner because he wasn't in his office, but he was back not long after that and then stayed later than usual, he looked… Cold when he left. Stoic. He came in early the next day and didn’t leave his office until a couple days later after I found him passed out at his desk and sent him home.”
Touka gave a nod of thanks before turning on her heel and marching her way up to Tobirama’s office. Something must have happened, but what?
There was no need to bother with knocking, Tobirama was a sensor after all, he would know she was coming.
She flung the door open carelessly, a scowl in place as she prepared herself to verbally (or physically if it came down to it) wrestle her cousin back to his own home where he’d hopefully be relaxed enough to tell her what had happened.
Something to do with Madara, perhaps? She knew he was still hurt about him since Izuna’s awakening from the coma had ruined the tentative connection they’d been cultivating. A complete and utter brat that Uchiha was.
She was quite surprised to find Tobirama blinking blearily at her, head lifted from where it’d been resting on his desk, cushioned by paperwork. It seemed to take him a few moments to register that she was there.
His voice was raspy when he spoke, like he hadn't talked in a while. “Ah, welcome ba-”
“Nope. It’s bedtime for you.” Touka interrupted his greeting. Tobirama frowned, a stubborn look appearing on his face.
“I’ve got paperwork that needs to be done, Touka.” He dismisses, rubbing his eyes and sitting up straighter in his seat. Touka snorted. “You’re dead on your feet, any paperwork you do like this would just have to be redone when you get back to your senses.”
Tobirama’s brow twitched in annoyance, but his face stayed stony, a tired, sad look in his eyes. He bowed his head over his paperwork without another word, picking up his brush again.
Touka grimaced. Tobirama always buried himself in work when he was upset, but this was ridiculous! She closed the door, much gentler than how she came in.
“What happened?” She asked, softening her tone.
“Nothing.” Tobirama waved off the question.
“‘Nothing’, you say?” Touka asked, infusing as much doubt into her voice as she could.
“Nothing at all.” The resignation in his tone sat like a physical weight on his shoulders, slumped forward as they were in his exhaustion while he started writing.
Touka eyed her cousin grimly, it looked like she had her work cut out for her.
~~~
It had taken another hour and a half before she managed to cajole Tobirama into going home, walking him the entire way to make sure he didn’t double-back or head to his labs instead. She dismissed her earlier ideas of questioning him, taking pity on his exhausted state and instead giving him a hug and a hair ruffle, quietly whispering happy birthday and slipping a present into his hands before she left him to his rest.
She watched from the street until the lights in Tobirama's house were off. Only then did she turn to go, heading back towards the heart of the Senju district where the home of one Senju Hashirama was.
Hashirama, who had apparently been home since lunch, according to Kanosuke. Lunch! She bit back a growl at the thought of him goofing off at home while his little brother toiled away doing his stupid paperwork for days on end. Sometimes she wondered if he even knew how much of his work Tobirama took care of. Did he even know that the amount of paperwork the Hokage seat required was more than triple the amount that he already whined about having to do every single time Tobirama tried to get him to do it?
She was getting to the bottom of what happened while she was gone one way or another, even if she had to beat up her stupid bark-brained cousin to do it!
~~~
“What is up with Tobirama?” Touka demanded, ignoring all social convention as she strode into her elder cousin’s home. She ignored the presence of Madara, who looked rather worn out, and Izuna, who was glaring at… Well, everything.
“What do you mean?” Hashirama asked, sitting up in surprise from where he had been laying sprawled only halfway on a zabuton.
“‘What do I mean’?” Touka repeated, an edge of mockery in her tone as she glared at him. “What I mean is; why has he been working himself half to death since I left? I talked to the receptionist, the Nara one, and apparently he hardly left his office for more than a few hours every few days!” She slammed her hands on the low table that he and the Uchiha were seated around, almost knocking Hashirama’s cup over. She felt her temper flare when she saw what was in the cup. “Meanwhile you’re here, doing nothing, and getting drunk! He’s your brother, not your slave, he should not have to do all your paperwork on top of his own!” She snapped at him.
“Not like he has anything better to do…” The bitter mumble from Izuna made her snap her head around to look at him.
“Oh, no, nothing better at all. Nothing like making sure the village infrastructure is going to plan, writing out a curriculum for the academy, making sure the hospital is running smoothly, making sure that others outside of the Senju are taught his improved versions of medical jutsu, making sure the records and archives are in order, making sure the mission desk is properly grading the missions according to the system he designed, m-” “Alright! I get it!” Izuna growled, cutting her off as he raised his hands in surrender, though he looked like he was barely resisting rolling his eyes.
“No, I don’t think you do. But I don’t care enough about you to educate you.” Touka sneered, turning back to Hashirama, who looked a bit nervous to meet her gaze.
“So, what did you do? The only one who can upset him enough to get like this is you. What, did you get him a terrible present or something?” Touka huffed.
There was a moment of silence. Hashirama frowned. Her stomach dropped, She had a horrible feeling that what he said next was going to explain why Tobirama had fallen apart while she was away. Tobirama always fell apart when the pedestal he placed his big brother on earned another painful crack.
“Present..?” He asked, sounding honestly confused. There was no spark of realization in his eyes. Even with the pieces laid out in front of him, he couldn't think of why he would get his brother a present.
Touka wanted to scream. She wanted to break something, preferably something that belonged to Hashirama. The hands she planted on the table were grasping at it's edge, the wood creaking ominously beneath her fingers as she restrained herself.
“For Tobi’s birthday..?” She gritted out, trailing off leadingly and hoping against hope that he hadn’t messed up that badly.
Hashirama blanched, eyes widening even as they darted away to avoid her gaze.
Touka took a harsh breath, hissing through her teeth as she exhaled. She saw Madara shift out of the corner of her eye, looking uncomfortable. Good, he deserved it.
“That was this week?” Hashirama whispered, voice shaky.
Touka barked a harsh laugh. “That was last week.” She corrected, causing him to flinch. “You had dinner with him, remember? He hates to ‘bother’ you, you know that. He wouldn’t ask for you to eat dinner with him for no reason.”
Touka had never seen Hashirama sober so fast. His normally tan skin had taken on a level of pallor she'd never seen on it before.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but nothing came out.
Izuna snorted, the abrupt sound breaking the silence. “When did you manage that, Senju? You’ve bothered us every single dinner for the past month at least.” He spat, clearly displeased. Touka turned furious eyes on him, if looks could kill Izuna would drop dead where he sat, rudely complaining about something that Tobirama would've been thrilled to experience even once a month! Hell, he only dared to ask for it himself once a year!
“I-I…” Hashirama refused to meet her gaze.
And Touka knew, she just knew, Hashirama had done something monumentally cruel. Accidentally, sure, but that was always worse with him, since Tobirama could never bring himself to get angry at Hashirama for his selfish thoughtlessness.
“You didn’t have dinner with him, did you?” Her voice was cold and cutting.
Hashirama looked to be on the verge of tears, Madara was tense where he sat next to her, and Izuna was watching with an almost amused sort of interest, as if this was nothing more than free entertainment.
Touka spat a harsh curse, standing abruptly, uncaring of the damage she'd left behind from her frustrated grip on the table. “You are by far the most selfish, childish, careless, idiotic brother I have ever heard of! You hurt Tobirama day in and day out, you take him for granted and you treat him terribly, you let your work pile up because you don’t care if Tobirama has to work hours upon hours longer than he should just to get it done, all while you spend your days lazing around and drinking! Hashirama! You might have dreamed this village up, but every single person who deals with the inner workings of it all knows that Tobirama has built your dream for you brick-by-bloody-brick! He has dedicated his entire life to you, and your dreams, and all you do is hurt him!” Touka was panting by the end of her tirade, standing tall across the table from Hashirama, who was looking at her with wide, hurt eyes. As if he had any right to feel hurt!
Touka felt all her anger bubbling over at this point. She was sick and tired of people hurting her favorite cousin–-And at the rate this was going, she was wondering if she should consider him her only cousin. Clearly family meant nothing at all in Hashirama's eyes if he couldn't even bother to sit down for thirty minutes to eat food with his only living brother!
“You.” She snapped, turning to Madara. “You are a backstabbing wishy-washy fool.” She stabbed a finger at him, causing him to duck back to avoid getting poked. His hair was partly hiding his face, but she didn’t care much to see his reaction anyway. She had been waiting to say this for long enough.
“Tobirama hardly gets attached to anybody, and he trusts even less, but you had both. Do you know how rare that is? He hardly trusts anybody he’s attached to, or cares for anybody he trusts, but you had both his trust and his care, and you threw it away.” The words seemed to hit the man like kunai, causing him to hunch over slightly, as if trying to curl into himself. His wide, shocked eyes met hers, the sharingan spun wildly. Despite all ingrained instincts being to look away from the hypnotizing sight, she refused to back down. Touka couldn't help but feel some measure of vicious glee over the fact that he would remember her next words for the rest of his life.
“Tobirama cares for Hashirama, but he doesn’t trust him. Tobirama trusts your cousin Hikaku to watch his back on missions, but he doesn’t care for him. The only person that currently holds both his trust and his care is me. Because you broke his trust and turned away from his care, and no matter what you do the relationship you had been growing with him will never be what it could’ve been had you stood by him instead of leaving him like a coward.” She took a breath, finding grim satisfaction at the devastated look that was creeping onto Madara’s face as he realized what she was saying.
“You will never experience all sides of Tobirama. You will never be able to see him fully at rest, unhesitating and confident in his place by your side. Even if you agree to again accept his care, his trust will never be the same. He will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop and for you to abandon him again. And for that you have no one to blame but yourself.” Her voice was practically a hiss by the end of her rant. Madara’s expression one of almost nauseating guilt, the hand that had at some point come to rest across his own chest as if to grasp at his heart was shaking almost imperceptively.
Finally, she turned to Izuna, who sneered at her, opening his mouth to speak.
“Shut up.” She snapped before he could, the command in her tone making his jaw click closed automatically. It seems he had some survival instincts after all.
“You have been nothing but a brat for as long as I’ve known of your existence. You caused the start of Hashirama and Tobirama’s declining relationship, that day when you ran to get your father. If you hadn’t done that, Tobirama would never have gotten Butsuma.” Hashirama’s breath hitched, but she ignored it, too busy glaring a hole into Izuna. “Tobirama knew. He knew they were meeting up for months. He knew, and he waited, and he hoped that his Anija–” she spat the title, causing all three men before her to suppress a flinch, “–would trust him enough to at least tell him that he had made a friend.”
She grinned humorlessly, all sharp teeth and blood red lipstick. “But who knows if his Anija ever would have said a word, Tobirama couldn't wait for him to speak first if he wanted him to survive, wanted to keep him safe from the little rat that spied on him and ran home to tell. Even if it meant he had to admit to his piece-of-trash 'father' that he had known Hashirama was meeting with someone, and covered for his absence without complaint!”
“He-..!” Hashirama was clearly at a loss, something in his expression seemed like it was trying to deny what he was hearing, but Touka continued on mercilessly.
“And of course, you were too disgusted by your adoring younger brother to care about the punishment he received for that. Too angry to help patch him up from the brutal training that Butsuma put him through so often that he learned the only way to protect himself was to hide away his emotions. Too self-centered to even ask him why or listen to him when he tried to tell you his reasons instead of feeling sorry for yourself! And too cruel and uncaring to so much as hold him steady when he looked to you for comfort after waking up from nightmares that left him waking with a scream stuck in his throat, nightmares in which he wasn't fast enough to save you, where he failed you just like he thinks he failed Itama. Nightmares where he found your cold dead corpse by the Naka, leaving him all alone because he was too slow to alert Butsuma in time. No, instead you preferred to push him away with sharp words and harsh shoves out into the cold hallway, leaving him to curl up all alone, too shaken to make it back to his own bed, trying futilely to remain as close to your chakra as possible to reassure himself of your continued survival.” She was nearly breathless from her ranting.
Hashirama really was crying now, but Touka couldn't care less. Besides, she wasn't done.
“But that’s not all Izuna did, of course!” She scoffed, turning back to focus on her current target. “Let’s see, the constant attempts to murder him, despite Tobirama holding back–” Izuna’s jaw dropped, looking outraged. Touka smirked meanly at him. “Oh yes, Tobirama was holding back.” She laughed. “After all, his Anija had told him to. Nevermind that holding back meant he went home with bloody wounds and burns that could have been avoided if he was willing to risk wounding Izuna more than grazing cuts and shallow stabs.” She paused here for a moment. "You do know how much of your body is liquid, right?" She tilted her head in mock innocence at Izuna.
Theatrically, she put a finger to her chin, as if she was thinking. “Plus, if I recall correctly, he told me that he had purposefully thrown the kunai gently enough to let Izuna get a good look at the seals on them when he used Hiraishin in that final battle. He thought you would be smart enough to realize by now that seals are not something you should ignore. He thought you were smart enough to know when to back away from danger.”
Izuna grimaced, but seemed more angered than embarrassed to have his mistake pointed out.
“But you didn’t. And for once Tobirama found he had miscalculated. And still, despite having almost no time to react when his sword was practically already piercing you when he appeared there, he still managed to twist his blade enough to hit you non-vitally.” Touka relished in the silence.
“You blame Tobirama for your coma. You blame Tobirama for your weakened body. You blame him for every little thing that you don’t like, and you denounce him as evil. But when Tobirama reached out for you on that battlefield immediately after his attack connected, his hands glowing with the bright and unmistakable green of an iryou Ninjutsu Technique, you were the one that chose to instead attempt to kill him.”
Madara and Hashirama both startled, heads whipping around to look at Izuna.
“Oh, did darling little Izuna not tell you?” Touka taunted, barking out a bitter laugh at the telling silence that followed.
“I suppose you mustn't have seen it, since Tobirama was kneeling over him when it happened. He stabbed Tobirama in the hip with a kunai, if he had a bit more strength or reach, he probably would’ve gotten him in the side and punctured something, and seeing as Tobirama was focusing all his chakra on trying to heal Izuna, he wouldn’t have had the chakra necessary to heal himself afterwards.” Touka said, then slowly shifted her accusing gaze to Madara. “Not to mention that after being stabbed for his efforts, he got thrown all the way across the clearing, nearly concussing himself on a tree. He escaped the head wound, but he broke two ribs because of that, you know?” Madara flinched at the reminder of his panicked actions that day, though he was a good enough ninja that the movement would've gone unnoticed if she hadn't been watching him so closely.
“And finally, the moment you wake up from your coma–a coma that you were woken from using a technique that Tobirama created specifically for you, by the way–You start bad-mouthing my cousin. You call him a demon, you scorn the peace that was built based on the designs he worked tirelessly on for years, you say he’s a monster, that he’s bloodthirsty, that he’s not human.” She paused, leaning towards Izuna, voice dropping to a deadly whisper, one that in the silence of the room was still heard perfectly clearly. “You have done nothing but want for bloodshed, and Tobirama has done nothing but work for peace. If you ask me, only one of you is a monster, and it isn’t the one who sat up by candlelight night after night during the early construction of the village to work on planning the layout, isn’t the one that designed treaty after treaty with every other clan in Hi no Kuni, or used every connection at his disposal to get the Daimyo to agree to the village, and it isn’t the one that sacrifices what little free time he has to teach a gaggle of children, including an orphaned Uchiha boy who would be shunned by his own clan for being only half Uchiha.”
Touka pauses, the silence now pressing down upon the room like it had turned into a physical weight.
“The only monster I see is the one that is willing to manipulate and lie, to torment, to taunt, to insult and try to ruin the reputation of a man who is already so alone that the only people he thought might remember his birthday was me, who was out on a mission I couldn't turn down, or his older brother. And he wasn’t even truly surprised when he found out his brother didn’t.”
Touka felt a grim satisfaction when she observed the three men, each bearing a different expression of similar dismay.
She would never be able to beat them in battle, but words were something that could bring men to their knees just as well as any weapon.
Especially when not a single word she said was refutable. Not a word she had spoken contained even a hint of a lie, they could turn it over and over for the rest of their lives, and not a single piece of it could be dismissed to ease their conscious.
She left the house in silence and didn’t look back. She had a cousin to take care of.
Touka knew that Tobirama would always grit his teeth and carry out his Anija's will no matter what. She knew he would carry his brother's dreams with hands stained bloody red from the constant cuts it had cost him to pull them into reality.
She knew because Tobirama would always prioritize his brother's happiness above himself.
But Tobirama was Touka's highest priority, and she wasn't going to let him suffer this slow death from a thousand cuts, not if she could help it.