Chapter Text
Entry 1
Dear Diary,
I think that's what this is? I mean…it says 'Diary' on the cover, so like it couldn't really be anything else, right? I don't even know what a diary is…
Ah, wait! I'm getting ahead of myself! I didn't even introduce myself–or, wait, do you introduce yourself in your own diary? Nobody else is going to read this, it's just going to be mine (hopefully nobody will read it. It's mine. Nobody should be snooping around, I have rights to my own privacy!!!), so it sounds kinda stupid to tell a bloody book who I am.
…which is another problem. I don't really know who I am–which isn't that big of a deal, don't worry!!! It's just a little annoying. I want to have a name, I want to know who I am, I want to know my purpose in life.
It can't just be this…right?
Oh, and another thing, it's like really dark here. It's really, really dark mate, like I'm not exaggerating here when I say it's hard to see a couple steps in front of me.
Not like I would move to see if it changed.
That's a stupid idea. Who knows what's out there! Who knows what could be just waiting to pounce and eat me!
…okay maybe not eat, but you get the point! It's not safe to wander around in an orbit so far away like this.
Hmm…so far away…but from what?
Ah, well that's another thing he doesn't know. I…okay I know this sounds really dumb but there's this feeling deep in my core (because I have a core! I at least know that! It's small, or at least it feels really small and a little more…heavy? Is that the right word? Probably not. It just feels different than the rest of me, more compressed together I think…)
Wait, what was I saying again?
Oh right! The weird feeling in my core! Yeah, it's like this tugging sensation, like I'm being pulled towards something–and it's happening in both directions! Which is weird…but at least it means I'm not alone!
Probably.
Hopefully.
I don't really want to be alone. It would be really nice to have someone to talk to.
I don't want to be the only one out here, like I want there to be someone else–ooh like a friend! Then I would have some company, other than this stupid book.
…okay wait no, that was mean. I'm sorry journal, dairy, thing, I didn't mean it! You're great company!
I…I just feel…
Ugh, I don't know how I feel.
It's hard to describe in a way that makes sense. Like, ugh I don't know!!! I want something, but I don't know what it is and it's driving me crazy. Like, uhhhh down in the core thingy I talked about, it feels like something is missing, and there's this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I need to find the missing piece.
Whatever it is, because his stupid core won't tell his stupid mind what even is the thing that's missing!
Wow. Great. Amazing. Thank you universe, this feels just great. Bloody fantastic.
…huh. That's interesting. A new word? Bloody. Hehehehe it sounds fun. You can't see it, because you're a book and books can't see or hear everybody knows that, but I'm cackling so loudly mate I sound insane. Ohmigosh wait–another new word! Mate! Mate mate mate mate, mate mate mate mate!
Stars above, I can't stop saying it, what is wrong with me. I'm giggling so much mate (hehehehehe), like I can barely breathe!
Oh and that's another weird thing. I have to suck in air (if there's even air in space) through my nose and then expel it out through my mouth, because apparently if I don't, then my head starts to really hurt and it's really bloody annoying man like who designed these things to be so inefficient that if I doesn't breathe my head starts pounding like it's going to explode!
…wait actually, is that a possibility? Is my head going to explode?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Uhmmmm hmmm yeah that sounds really stupid now that I think about it for a second. Sorry, I kinda just got really ew and icky and it felt like I was going to die out of nowhere. Which, I am probably not going to, well not yet at least. There's literally nothing out here that could kill me (mmm well maybe not. There's probably a million things that could go wrong, but I'm not going to think about it because then I can't breathe and then my head might explode! And I really, really, really don't want that to happen), so he just needs to calm down.
And then, maybe figure out what exactly is going on in the meantime.
Hmm, oooh! I should really start to make a list! It's already kinda hard to remember what I was just thinking about (silly mind, it's thinking about a million things per minute!!! It's super, duper fast hehehe…but it is kinda annoying. So not that "super duper" anymore), and if I was going to be stuck here for a while I should probably make a list to figure out what I need to do!
Okay, uhhh thinking…
1) Find out who I am! Mostly my name, but other things too so I'm not scared of the unknown anymore
2) Find out if there's anyone else out there–friends??? Hopefully!!! But also if there's a star (because all planets orbit stars duhhhh) and…and someone to answer my questions, and I have a lot of questions
3) Don't die. Sounds pretty simple but who knows what is out there…
4) Figure out something to do so I don't go insane, like I can't just spill all my thoughts onto paper all the time–I need something fun! Writing is boringggg and takes forever and kinda hurts my hands if I'm being honest. Which is another annoying thing because why are these bodies so fragile hello??? Bloody hell, it's like it's just one asteroid impact away from shattering completely! But I'm not going to shatter! Don't worry! I mean I'm defiantly worrying, but you're a book so you don't need to worry (can you? Can books worry? Ugh that's stupid, of course they can't!!! They don't have feelings, or did you forget that doodoo head?)
Okay okay getting back on track…
5) …wait, is there anything else I need to do? I mean, I think that's pretty much it. Find out who, what, and where I am, search for others, stay alive, and have fun!!! Pretty simple, all things considered. There's not much I can do out here anyways, so it'll sure be interesting to figure out how to pass the time.
Hmm…I wonder…can I sleep again? I'm pretty sure I was sleeping before I woke up, and if I just fall asleep then I don't have to do anything!!! Aha yes I'm a genius! Everything else, like the searching for answers and anyone else–yeah, that can all wait a little longer. It won't be the end of the universe if I take a little nap!
The boredom is getting to me, but we'll combat it with sleeping! We'll show it whose boss!!! Oooh and it'll also be interesting to see what happens when I sleep…
Sooooo I think this is it journal-diary-thing! Hopefully falling asleep doesn't kill me (oh stars I really, really hope it doesn't…but I don't know, do I? I don't know if I'm gonna wake up again. I don't know if any of this is even real! I don't know if I chose to fall asleep now, then I'll just cease to exist. And I don't want to "cease to" anything! I want to stay alive! Even if there's not a whole lot to do, and I don't really know who else is out there, I–I really don't want to leave this.
I have the chance of having something bloody incredible.
I don't want to lose that.
Andddd now I'm sad. Great. Stupid brain making me feel stupid feelings–I didn't want to feel like this!!! It just happened!!! Like all of a sudden and I had no control over it!!!
Bloody hell.
Well if my mind is going to make me think scary thoughts, then I'll just not think at all–or wait no, I'll go to sleep. That sounds much better, and I'll prove those thoughts wrong by surviving until I wake up!!! Yeah!!! I can do this. I just close my eyes, right? Is that all I need to do?
Stars, it would be really helpful if this diary came with a pamphlet that answered my every question. It's stupid that it didn't…this is unfair I don't like the universe! Why does it want to be so mean to me?! It's not fair! I just woke up and it already is making my life a living hell!
…okay I think I need that sleep now. I'm getting too upset, I hate this feeling. It, uhm, it feels bad. Really, really bad and icky, like oh stars I can't breathe again great just great and there's ugh!!! Ugh!!! I hate this. I'm sorry, I'm getting the pages wet my eyes are wet and everythign is just so confusing and scary and I can't do this.
I'm gonna go. I can't hold the pencil steady enough to write anymore. Sorry diary, maybe I'll sleep but I can't continue this right now. It's stupid, I feel so stupid for feeling like this all of a sudden, I went from being happy to this so quickly! Why?!?!?!
Hm alright. Bye. Hopefully I don't die in my sleep.