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Amidst the chorus of maniacal laughter from Jax's old friends, he suddenly feels a yanking sensation; not similar to before, when Jax's skin was yanked off of him, but instead his entire being is yanked, ending up with him slammed into the wall. It took him a minute to register that he was back in the circus, amidst the distorted yelling of Caine, who is very, very angry.
One moment, Jax felt crushed by Caine's grip, and the next, he felt like he was falling, the actual thud of the fall making his already heightened senses feel much worse, his non-existent ears practically ringing stronger than before. He couldn't be bothered to get up if he wanted, but he had to, because after one brief look at himself through his blurry vision, Jax realized that he was still in this tortured state.
Thankfully, everyone else seems to also have been brutally tortured, so much so that they haven't even bothered processing what had happened yet. That gave Jax just enough time to get himself up before them, so no one would have to see him like this. It was already enough going through a simulation of his worst nightmare, so to see it unfold in reality was too much for him to comprehend.
The dread of that gave Jax just the adrenaline he needed to get himself up, as he runs to hide behind the massive tower of objects near him. However, as he was trying to do that, the circus was rumbling before him, causing him to trip and fall, almost ending up into a newly-formed hole that would send him into the voi-- wait, what?!
Jax stared out into the hole, beholding himself to the mesmerizing sight of the void. Pomni had told him about it when they were walking around the main area together; apparently she was so entranced into it that she couldn't even think, not until Caine discovered her and took her back.
Now, as he looks at a mere snippet of the mentioned void, he couldn't blame Pomni for feeling so mesmerized, just looking at it from the outside was enough for him to feel a strange yet calming feeling inside of him. It almost made him forget about his situation, until his body started shivering from how cold he was.
Jax's eyes then caught sight of Kinger rushing towards the cluster of the other circus members, probably to check up on them or whatever. Jax really hopes that he doesn't rush towards him, too. He hopes that no one checks up on him at all, actually. Even if it means that he would have to remain in this horrid state for the rest of his eternal life.
He scoots his way as far as he could, back still facing the wall of whatever large object was behind him. Eventually, Jax stops, as he can't stand the pounding headache that courses throughout him. It was also rather uncomfortable for him to feel his peeled off skin drag along with him; he also dreads the idea of it somehow coming off of him for good.
Taking a look at his arms, all he could really see within his blurry vision was how yellow they are, especially in contrast to the circus, which appears to now be in black and white? When had the main area of the circus ever had a complete lack of color before? What even happened to Caine that would have him abruptly stop him from his endless supply of "fun" and torture?
The sheer yellowness of Jax's arms catch him off guard, not just because of the fact that his skin has been peeled off, but because it reminds him of what he was like adventures ago; he was so concerned about the other members finding out about his fear of corn, but when he looks back now, it feels redundant to worry about such a minor embarrassing trait, when right now, Jax has to make sure that no one sees him like this, whatsoever.
It'll be ok, Jax thinks to himself frantically. Caine will eventually show up and snap him back to normal so he can go on another one of his adventures, right?
It was a convincing way to reassure oneself, if the circus wasn't in such an odd state. Jax was so used to the stagnancy of the main area, that he's never seen it look any other way before. Maybe Kinger has seen it like this before? Jax frantically shakes his head in denial at the idea; witnessing the kooky chess piece not being, well, kooky still brought a shiver down Jax's exposed spine.
Even though Jax didn't have his rabbit ears, that didn't stop him from having the ability to hear. In the distance, he heard people mumbling and grunting in pain, as everyone seems to have been recovering. The noise causes Jax to instinctively skooch a little further, the more frequent the commotion gets.
However, the voices from the distance become a singular one: Kinger himself, speaking in a tone that still made him sound sane and controlled, as if he was never the "crazy one". But then again, no one really was fitting into their archetypes anymore, at least since Pomni told Jax that he wasn't really his own archetype...
While Jax wasn't able to comprehend what Kinger was saying, he was able to comprehend the reaction of shock and dismay among everyone else; whatever Kinger had told them, it must be a big deal.
But Jax couldn't really be bothered to know what Kinger said, nor could he even care about anything else, except the fact that he's still yellow and exposed, his senses still at an all time high. Even though this circus doesn't have a breeze, Jax's skin was so bare that he swore he could feel something grazing through his exposed skin, and there was nothing he could do about it, since his arms were too tired to function properly so he could actually get his literal skin back on to him, as if it were a fucking fursuit.
Lost in thought, Jax wasn't paying too much attention to his surroundings, and he wished that he was, because when he saw a blue and yellow shoe appear in his peripheral vision, his non-existent heart dropped in dread. Jax flinched in shock upon fully realizing who it was.
No, no no no no no. Pomni can not see him right now. Jax turns his head away, adopting the immature mindset that if he doesn't see her, then she isn't there. If he doesn't see her, she isn't there. If he doesn't see her, she's no--"
"Jax?"
The feeling of goosebumps were rather unfamiliar to Jax until this moment, as he could feel every one of his hairs stand on end, ironically when he doesn't have his purple skin plastered throughout most of his body. His breath was practically quickening the more he thought about it, which only made him feel worse.
Maybe the intense breathing and the ongoing ear-ringing will help Jax ignore Pomni's inevitable reaction, maybe the field of pain surrounding his entire body will help Jax ignore Pomni's presence, maybe the sight of the void in the distance will help Jax ignore the fact that he is existi--
"Jax."
Despite all the pain that courses through his body, and the frantic-ness that courses through his mind, Pomni was still somewhat able to take all of those senses and make her the main attraction. Jax would be impressed by her dominating power to do that, on top of her stern tone, if he wasn't currently on the receiving end of it in the worst possible scenario. Her tone was already stern enough, who knew what she would do next? Sure, she isn't laughing, but she's going to do something bad to him, because who wouldn't look at Jax in such a state and--
"How are you feeling?"
Jax tries to say something, anything to get Pomni away from him, but his throat was closed up anyway, still in fear of the presence of Pomni, as well as her not even laughing at him already; can't she just get this over with? All Jax could pathetically do was stare at her in horror, as he leans himself back, his back hitting the large object, only making the pain of contact shoot through him, making his whole body flinch in pain.
"Oh shit, sorry about that," Pomni panics, in a tone of regret. "I know how it feels, being touched and suddenly having your entire skin crawl against you-- o-or I guess... the lack thereof?" Pomni mentally smacks herself at that comment and sighs as she gets back on topic. "How does it feel for you, exactly?" She asks, clearly trying to get Jax in a more vulnerable state than he already is in.
But all Jax could do was look at Pomni in confusion, because did she just swear without the censor bar?! Now that he has her attention, he might as well tell her, but he can't bring himself to, his fear of vulnerability continuously blocking his throat up, but he tried straining for a response, even though nothing was willing to come out. Because why should he? Pomni made a joke about him being skinless, despite his vulnerable position. She was about to drop him just like Caine's version of her did, this time she's taking it slow, waiting for him to give in.
Then again, it was a very light joke, and she did instantly feel bad for making that comment...
The conflicting thoughts that thrash through Jax's mind only make him look like he's trying to say something, only to say nothing. Pomni observes his feeble attempts at speaking, and starts to ask another question.
"Ok, do you feel pain?" She asks, as if she were a doctor to him. Despite the ongoing war over whether to open up to Pomni or not, he nods. He was reluctant, at first, but eventually he gives in, his pupils shifting to the side to avoid looking directly at her.
"Alright, how much pain do you feel, on a scale of," Pomni then puts her hands together as she continues talking. "To..." She then slowly moves her hands apart from one another, and Jax couldn't help but notice her arms were shaking, and also bandaged up in some sort of purple fabric. What happened to her? Jax couldn't ask anyways, not because he was unable to talk from pure nervousness, but also because Pomni kept staring at him, awaiting a response.
Jax slowly spread his arms wide, his arms shaking in reluctance, and his face looking away from Pomni in embarrassment. Why is it so easy for Jax to fold to Pomni? She really isn't letting Jax out of her life, is she...
If Jax's mouth wasn't reduced to his vertical lines of teeth, it would've been scrunched up in frustration towards himself. Why is he letting himself open up to Pomni? Why is he allowing himself to be vulnerable towards anyone after what had happened last time? Why is he letting one of his worst fears come tru--"
"O-Ok, don't worry, you're not alone. My pain still lies somewhere around there, but I'll help you make it manageable, like how it is for me, right now. I'll make you comfortable in your ow-- I mean... I'll find a way to put you back in your-- I-- I..."
Even though Jax can't really make any recognizable expressions, his glare towards Pomni was as sharp as ever, clearly frustrated with how she's acting. It's like she's being Ragatha right now; terrified of being blunt, instead of just telling the truth about how she felt. But then again, that's what Jax was also terrified of at the same time.
It was clear that Pomni read through his glare, however, and apologized. "I--I'm sorry, Jax. I don't mean to be so reluctant to say anything, it's just..." She instinctively put her hand on her hanging arm and winced when she made contact with one of the purple bandages, causing her to hiss in pain. For a fleeting moment, Jax found his hand reaching out to where she touched her injury, only to then flinch it back to himself after he realized what he was doing. She stares at him intensely for a moment before she continues. "It's just that... Caine tortured all of us with our greatest fears-- A-at least the ones that we exposed out loud in the circus, anyways..." She trails off, her eyes looking down in awkwardness. "Am I right to assume that he tortured you with your greatest fear?"
…
A long, awkward silence stretched out between the two.
"Y-you know what, you don't have to answer that," Pomni stammers, attempting to break the awkwardness along with the silence. "I'm gonna try getting your skin back on to you, would that be ok?"
Jax thought of nodding in agreement, but he only scooted away, ever so slightly. Even though it was clear that Pomni won't make fun of him, despite her hiccups, he still felt reluctant about her treating him. Besides, Caine will come back from wherever he went, as he always did during Jax's time here. Right?
But then again, Caine's absence felt a lot more prominent than usual, and Jax still recalls how Pomni was randomly able to swear a few minutes ago. Whatever, Jax denied thought to himself. Surely won't be so frustrated with his members that he would keep him in this state, right?
Pomni kept looking at Jax in concern as he shakes his head, doing his best to keep distance from her. "Really, Jax. I'll be gentle, I promise." He could practically feel Pomni reaching her hand out, but he only turned away from her more, his yellow, exposed back facing Pomni's mixed expressions.
The concern in her tone doesn't leave her, it only grows. "Jax, please? I can tell you're in pain. I can see your back shivering even though there's no breeze in here." She insists, and that only made Jax all the more reluctant, violently shaking his head as he hugs his legs tight, trying to ignore the scorching pain of his exposed arms.
Jax could practically hear Pomni twitching her eye in frustration, only for her to then take a deep sigh, trying to compose herself. "Jax, do you think that Caine is gonna snap us back to normal, like he usually does when we're battered up from him or his adventures?" Jax slowly turns his head towards Pomni, and even though he didn't say anything, or nod his head, his answer was clear enough for Pomni to see through him, whether he wanted her to or not.
"Did--did you not hear what Kinger said? W-when he came back from his fortress?" Jax wanted to go back to his position of suffering, but he was too intrigued to hear what Pomni had to say, since his mind has been battling with the denial of what could have happened to Caine.
Just Jax looking at Pomni in intrigue was enough for Pomni to take that as confirmation, apparently. "W-Well, I gave Kinger this computer so he could figure out how to modify Caine through programming... and..." She takes a deep breath to compose herself, almost as if she herself is having a hard time believing this, even though the environment makes it clear that something has happened. "Kinger-- he... accidentally killed Caine..."
Jax felt his heart drop, its beats of shock pulsing throughout his putrid yellow skin. How could Caine just be gone? Sure, it was great that such an annoying liar was gone, but how was Jax going to retain his "funny one" archetype if there were no violent adventures for him to keep it up? What was left for him now?
It was clear that his dismay was radiating off of him, even though he couldn't quite make a facial expression that explicitly showed it. If Caine wasn't here anymore... then... Shit.
A sigh escaped from Jax, as he scoots closer to Pomni, gesturing towards his peeled off skin that remains on the floor; a sign of surrender. It almost pissed him off how easily Pomni understood his message as she makes her way towards grabbing his pelt. But then again, it would be worse if she didn't understand, because then the process of asking her would be much more excruciating, since his throat was still closed off from just how overwhelmed he is.
As Pomni made her way behind Jax to pick up his pelt, Jax's eyes caught sight of the hole that led to the void, viewing it in a new light after what he had heard about Caine. It frightens Jax that he is more prone to vulnerability in this circus, now that he has to rely on the others instead of being able to be as isolated as possible, meaning that he would have to let the others see how vulnerable he is, just like how Pomni is right now...
But then again, her reaction towards this peeled version of himself wasn't as bad as he thought, and he hates to admit how comfortable and warm he felt when she gently did her best to get his pelt back onto him, as if it were a warm towel being put onto him after he's been so cold and wet.
His eyes still fixate on the sight of the void, and he remembers how Pomni told him that if Caine didn't show up to teleport her out, she probably would have been stuck there forever. Remembering how Pomni described the feeling of being in the void, maybe Jax should take a trip there, to feel that trance for eternity, now that Caine is gone...
The thoughts screech to a halt the moment Jax's vision goes dark for a second, only to then return back to normal. Jax looked down at his arms and torso, which were still yellow, but Pomni returned to his field of vision, sounding relieved.
"Well, I got your head back to normal, now I just gotta get..." Pomni loosely gestures towards the rest of Jax's parts. "This, together, somehow..." Jax realized what Pomni had meant, as he is finally able to blink; he hadn't noticed how dry his whole face felt until then. It pretty much stings every time he blinks now, almost as if he's human, with human needs. The thought makes him shiver, and Pomni misinterprets his shivering.
"Or, we don't have to do that now, if you want. It's all up to you, Jax." She says sincerely, really wanting to make sure Jax is comfortable, and to his own surprise, it's working, as having his face put back on like a fucking ski mask made Jax somewhat more relaxed, but Pomni doesn't seem convinced, as she walks around in circles, spiraling.
"How will I even do this without touching your exposed arms... Maybe I can ask Ragatha for more of her bandages... Maybe I should go bring Kinger here, he'll know wha--"
"N-no," Jax interrupts bluntly, sounding hoarse from disuse. "Don't--don't bring a-anyone else here," He coughs. "Please."
Pomni briefly looks at Jax in surprise, and then a somewhat fond look forms on her face. "Ok, do you want me to continue putting your pelt back on?" Jax nods in confirmation, reluctantly reaching his arm out to Pomni. She looks at his exposed arm, and then she looks back at him. She looks at his arm again, and when she looks back at Jax, he looks away into the distance.
"I-I'm gonna need to touch the exposed part of your arm in order to get this done quickly and easily, if that's ok with you." Pomni warns, and Jax is still looking away, but he looks at her for a second, and that second was enough to show Jax how much she cares about him, which would usually frighten him, but now, after all he had heard about Caine, after all of those adventures and torture sessions, he's just so tired, no longer knowing what to do with himself.
"...Go ahead." Jax mutters, practically surrendering.
Slowly and steadily, Pomni takes the part of Jax's pelt that goes to his arm, and leans slightly forward to tou--
Jax involuntarily flinches, with thankfully no shriek coming out of him, but he could tell his mouth was wincing from the sudden pain. He has no choice but to look at Pomni, who immediately retracted her hand the moment Jax reacted to her touch. She had a look of pity--no, not pity, empathy, like she understands the pain Jax is going through, which only lessens his worries of being vulnerable. It still hurts him, however, but in a weird, unique way that he hasn't felt in a long time.
"Sorry, Jax. I-I can stop and figure something out if--"
"No, it's fine. Keep...keep going." Jax forced his words out, trying to ignore how his mouth was wincing, his eyelids creasing tensely as he looked at Pomni.
"O-ok, if you wish." Pomni says reluctantly, and this time Jax actually watches Pomni attempt to put his pelt back onto him, so that way he would be aware of her upcoming touch so it won't flinch as hard as he did.
At first Pomni looked reluctant, slowly handling Jax's pelt, but when she looked back at Jax, he gave her this look that told her to go ahead, he won't mind this time. She takes the message and touches his exposed arm again. He still shivers at the touch, but not as intensely as before. Pomni looks at him to silently ask him if this is ok, and he nods in agreement, just wanting to get his skin back onto him in full so he doesn't have to deal with these rapidly forming thoughts of being so intimately touched any longer.
Jax didn't expect Pomni's touch to be so gentle. Sure, he remembers when she hugged him, but that only lasted a few seconds before Jax pushed her out of it. God, just the reminder of that moment was enough for his intrusive thoughts to slip through him, pretty much giving him that same warning to stay away, or else he'll expose all of his vulnerabilities to her.
Well, it was too late for that warning.
That didn't stop the thoughts from flowing through his mind, however. But instead of fully agreeing with them and following through like last time, he started to disagree with them, for reasons he cannot comprehend. He didn't even notice his vision going blurry until Pomni had spoken up.
"Jax? You doing alright?" She had asked, with a hint of concern laced in her tone, her hand now hovering over his arm, instead of touching it. Fuck, was his panic showing?
"I-- I'm fine," An involuntarily sniffle escaped from Jax. "Just, continue, please." Since when had he been crying?!
Pomni seemed to pay no mind to it, however, only reassuring him. "Don't worry, I think I'm starting to figure out how to get this back in." She grabs onto his arm gently again, and rolls up his pelt back into it like a sleeve. It caused Jax to squirm a little in pain from the friction of his pelt against his exposed skin, which made Pomni decide to go more methodically in rolling it back up.
It definitely still felt uncomfortable to feel every pinch and rub that comes from the creases that form throughout Pomni's attempts to get his skin back on his arm, but paying attention to Pomni's cautious but somewhat coordinated movements help him give something to look at to ease the discomfort. He can't help but feel entranced by her methodical hands, moving with efficiency, yet delicacy. Just the sight of it made him feel warm, for some odd reason.
God, Jax couldn't trick Pomni into thinking that she was coming on to him if he tried, when he knew just from this that it was clearly the other way around...
"How does it feel?" Pomni's gentle tone was enough for Jax to snap out of his meandering thoughts, and he swore he felt his face flush warm for a brief second. "I--" He stutters, bringing himself back to reality as he processes what Pomni had asked him. Sure enough, she successfully fixed up one of Jax's arms.
He stretches it, twisting it around, and while there were still some minor folds, they managed to fix themselves as Jax kept moving his arm around. "Huh, good as new." Jax says, trying not to sound too impressed, but he couldn't lie and say that he wasn't impressed at all; he was worried he was going to be stuck like this ever since he found out that... Caine...
Fuck, Jax hadn't had a moment to fully process that Caine had supposedly been deleted. Even if he didn't witness it happen with his own eyes, his absence was clear enough from the lack of colors and cracks that go straight to the void. It's a lot to handle; too much for him to handle, if he has to be honest...
"Jax? Did you hear what I said?" Pomni asked, interrupting his thoughts again, but this time she sounds more concerned.
"What? Oh, yeah, it feels great," Jax looks down to mutter the last part, he just couldn't help himself. "Thank you."
"Well, you're welcome, but," Pomni tenses up. "I wasn't talking about that. I was gonna ask if you wanted me to do the other side yet, but, you seemed lost in thought again. Is something up?"
"I--" Jax stops himself again, really thinking about what he's doing. The thoughts continue thrashing his mind, telling him not to be vulnerable around Pomni, even though she is literally treating him from his greatest fear of her ripping him apart to mock him, all while she is still taking him seriously. It's weird to have someone take him seriously, especially after he's been treating everyone here as the exact opposite. Doesn't he not deserve to be taken seriously? He doesn't like this, it's like he's not a cartoon jerk playing up a front, it's like, he's human...
"You're a pain in the a[%$!#], but... you're still one of us."
Jax shudders, which then transforms into a defeated sigh, as he surrenders to his frantic thoughts, once again. "It's just..." He has no clue how to even phrase this, just letting his mouth run. "It's just hard for me to believe that Caine..."
"Is gone for good?" Pomni finishes his sentence, looking at him with an understanding expression. "I know you've probably been here way longer than me-- I've only been here for around a week or two and even I still feel disbelief that Caine is actually gone."
The word "gone" rings in Jax's ears. He doesn't like that word, he never really did, but in this context, it feels worse than he thought. "Th-there's no way that he's actually gone for good though, right?" He asks desperately; a question that slips right from his thoughts to his mouth.
"I... I don't know if we can bring him back," Pomni admits, concern laced in her tone. "I didn't think you cared about his sudden disappearance after you-- and, well, I and everyone else lashed out at him just a few moments ago.
Jax doesn't have a comment for that, as he himself isn't so sure why either. Pomni, however, still had multiple comments, mostly directing towards herself.
"God, I still regret doing that. I know we needed to distract Caine from Kinger, but I didn't expect for him to just react like that. Maybe if I didn't go too far, we wouldn't have ended up like thi--"
"Pomni." Jax blurts out, snapping Pomni out of her thoughts, while also shocking himself. "Things happen. You didn't know that Caine was gonna be.... removed." He shivers at that last word, still having a hard time adjusting to this new reality.
She looked at Jax in astonishment, which was then followed by a smile that was too sweet for Jax to look at, causing him to look off in the distance. "So... just fix me up some more, and we can talk about this later..." He mutters.
"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," Pomni says, and even though Jax wasn't looking at her, he could still hear her smile as she speaks. "I... had a bit of a weird idea, but I haven't really told anyone about it because I was worried about what they thought, you included. Maybe I could tell you about it after I'm done treating you up?"
An involuntary blush seeps through Jax's face at the mention of Pomni treating Jax; if he wasn't a total wreck, he would have cringed at that word, but now, after everything, the word was a warm welcome, as Jax reached his exposed, yellow arm towards Pomni so she could start fixing it up.
The touch was still sudden and painful to Jax, but continuing to watch Pomni's movements that have become much more confident compared to last time has helped with easing him a lot. He also would tend to look up at Pomni's expression; her pinwheel eyes were focused on his arm, searching for any possible creases as she slowly rolls his pelt onto his arm. God, he should've requested Pomni becoming a doctor...
Jax quickly shakes his head at the idea, not expecting his thoughts to wind down into that direction. He remembered writing down all of those suggestions, including the one where he wanted to put Pomni in a position of power. He told himself that he wanted to do so because it would be fun to watch, but really, he knew his real ulterior moments...
If Pomni wasn't fixing up his arm, he would've pathetically covered his blush with his hands, as if he were a teenage girl instead of a grown man.
Not that he could even write anything into the suggestion box anymore, anyways. If Caine was now gone, how would they spend their time in the circus? Caine's adventures may be over the top, but they were a good distraction from the mundane yet horrifying truth of being trapped in here.
They could still do whatever they wanted, but how far could that power go without Caine?
Jax looks at Pomni's arms, reminded of the fact that she has managed to have them be bandaged up, probably from when they were all being tortured in their own way.
"Where'd you get those from?" Jax intrusively muttered out, causing Pomni to look at him in surprise and confusion. "Hm?" She had asked, looking around herself. "Oh, you mean my bandages?" He nods.
"Oh, well, I got them from Ragatha," Pomni says, getting on her toes to get his pelt through his shoulder, like getting bed sheets on a sitting mattress. "My arms and legs were kind of... ripped apart... but Ragatha was able to patch them up with the patches from her dress, so, they kind of ease the pain, somewhat." She says, finishing up the last of the creases in Jax's arm. He moved it around aimlessly to try it out, but his mind was occupied with the idea that Pomni was ripped apart, by Caine God knows what.
"Who hurt you?" It had slipped from Jax's mouth, and his face had contorted into a stern, yet concerned expression, only for it to slip into an expression of worry. "Was it... Was it from m--"
"It was from Gummigoo." Pomni confirmed, clearly having a difficult time with getting her words out, just like how Jax had been before Pomni fixed up his arms. She continued on, however. "He wasn't, quite like himself. He-- He wasn't even like how he was at the Spudsy's adventure. He was all rabid and horrifying, just like that mansion adventure, and him and his friends went up to me and... just started biting into me like actual crocodiles-- It's stupid, I know..." Pomni stammers out at the end, while Jax just looks at her.
He would've agreed with her, confirming that it is stupid to put so much emotional attachment to an NPC that doesn't exist, but clearly Jax hadn't been his usual self after Caine threw him in the wringer. If anything, he hadn't been his usual self after he pushed Pomni away so, ironically enough, he could continue being like his usual self.
"It's ok though," Pomni tries to brush off the awkward silence that was created between them. "While Ragatha patched me up, she comforted me, told me that what happened to me was awful while I was crying. Not from the pain, but just, this fear of mine that I've had for a while actually coming true..."
"What... What did she tell you?"
"Oh, not much, she just kept giving me words of comfort and condolences, and, it kind of helped, at least in that moment... She seemed to be occupied in her own thoughts though; I never really asked what she went through..."
More silence passes between the two of them, and while Jax was just going through what Pomni had said, it was clear that she couldn't handle the quiet after revealing this side of her.
"But yeah, as I said, it was stupid. I'm not surprised that Ragatha didn't really say too much about it, since it's such a weird thing to worry about..."
It looked like Jax wasn't the only one in the circus afraid of being vulnerable towards someone. Gangle was the exception, but she was always vulnerable, at least until she became friends with Zooble.
Pomni was about to ramble about something else to break this silence, her body pretty much quivering, but Jax didn't let her, as he broke the silence himself.
"...I used to worry about Caine using old players as NPCs."
Even though Jax was looking away from Pomni when he confessed this to her, he could tell that she had straightened up. "Like... players that have..."
"Yes Pomni, I'm talking full-on abstraction. It didn't help when Caine made us into evil clones, or when he convinced you all that one of his NPCs is a real person." Now Jax was the one rambling to fill the silence, refusing to let Pomni respond.
"It also didn't help knowing that you can't come back to the circus with these NPCs, so spending every moment with them is a ticking time bomb, and even then, you'll never really know whether Caine will make them neutral at best or hostile at worst. So yeah, I guess I have been thinking stupid thoughts as well..." He sounds stupid just talking about it, and while he was expecting Pomni to give him her condolences, she ends up saying nothing. When he looks at her, she has a tense face, hugging herself as she had sat herself down, listening to him.
When she made contact with his eyes, she takes a breath to say something, and Jax swore it sounded like a short laugh. "Well, I guess I'm glad I'm not the only stupid person here that's self-aware..."
Jax should be offended, but he was caught completely off guard, not expecting such humor after showing vulnerability. But this kind of humor was different, not meant to be directed towards him, but towards the both of them.
"...Heh, then I guess we can be stupid together, Pom-pom." Jax says, blushing at that last part. It was probably the corniest shit he has said in a long time, but somehow, it caused Pomni to chuckle a bit, because of course she's into such corny shit. But Jax didn't mind, he was just relieved that Pomni wasn't acting like a nervous wreck again; he was used to seeing this nervous side of her the first few adventures, but after he saw Pomni when she wasn't in a constant, panicked state, he somehow wanted to get her out of it, even if it meant her being angry at him, because at least it meant she had the spine to, like last time.
So there they were, sitting solemnly together as they accept the fact that they're being stupid together; being vulnerable together.
"Well," Pomni sniffles, wiping a short tear as a small smile forms on her face. "I guess I should find away to get this together..."
"Lead the way, I have no idea how to fix this." Jax says bluntly, hoping he's not being too harsh. This whole ordeal has made him far too tired to not feel human, which terrifies him when he dares to actively care about someone's feelings, but the more the two hang out in this dull, silent circus, the less scary it gets.
Pomni didn't seem to mind the blunt attitude, however, as she feels much more calmer than before after telling him what Caine put her through. Jax hopes that she doesn't ask what Caine put him through, because unlike Pomni, he doesn't know if he has it in him to tell her what caused him to be ripped apart, especially when the cause included her.
"Oh! I think I know what to do!" Pomni mercifully interrupts Jax's scary thoughts once again, and Jax barely had time to ask what she meant by that before she ran up to him, pinched her fingers, and slid her hand from the top of his collarbone all the way down to his torso, which resulted in a zipping sound. Pomni looked at him in shock, surprised and relieved. Jax was too flustered by Pomni touching his collarbone to instantly realize that he was fixed up, and Pomni zipping him closed actually worked. Now, Jax was back to normal, and he looked back to normal too, as if he wasn't peeled and skinned alive by Pomni.
"...Huh." Jax says, as his mind is in a daze trying to process all of this information at once. Pomni just looks at him with that smile that Jax used to see as sickeningly sweet, but now, after being around her for so long as she treated him, it's just... sweet.
"Well, I guess you're all fixed up now," Pomni says awkwardly, before then looking behind Jax, causing him to look at her in confusion. "Wait, your tail is missing again."
"Wait, I had a tail? I thought you said that you never saw me with one?" Jax accused in utter confusion.
"Yeah, but then after all those 'lightning round' adventures, I saw you with a tail!" Pomni exclaimed, before then looking around Jax. "Now where could it have gone..." She walked around him, searching for it like she was a detective. Fuck, first Jax wanted to see Pomni as a doctor, now he wanted to see her as a detective, so long as the case she's cracking isn't Jax himself, but just thinking about that as an idea was enough to make him think otherwise, as a warm feeling seeps through him.
She did see him as a cracked egg, but she paid no judgment. Sure, this nightmare version of her technically did that, but that was from Caine. The real Pomni respected his vulnerability, and made sure he was nursed back to health, rather than trying to look around and analyze him purely for her benefit.
"Oh, there it is!" Pomni exclaims cheerfully, holding up a purple ball in triumph. Jax slowly stood up and walked to her to take a closer look at the tail he hasn't seen in ages. When was the last time Jax even looked at himself?
Oh, right. The awards show, after he made the mistake of pushing Pomni away...
He tried to keep himself safe, he tried to continue being one with the machine, but now that the machine is gone....
He did it all for nothing.
"Jax?" Pomni snapped Jax out of his thoughts, looking concerned.
"Oh, I'm fine, I-I just haven't stood up in a while." That was enough to assure Pomni, as she turned her wrist to view the ball of a tail. "Now... how are we going to get this back on, I wonder..." She looks quizzically, and then mischievously at Jax, causing him to look at her in confusion, which then transformed to shock when she rushed behind him, her mischievous smile still plastered onto her.
"W-wait, what are you doing?!" Jax asked frantically, twisting his torso to look at Pomni, his arms arched up like a velociraptor.
All Pomni did was say "Boop!", as she gently plopped the tail onto Jax's behind. It stuck onto him, as if it never fell off in the first place. Jax stares in disbelief, not even realizing that he was blushing until Pomni gave him another endearing smile.
"W-well..." Jax says, trying to restore his dignity. "Looks like I am finally embracing myself in all my masculinity thanks to you, Pomni!" He grins, before flinching at the fact that he thanked her, and it was clear that Pomni noticed that too as she looked shocked for a brief second after he did that, but there was more light to her eyes as she smiled back, even when she was jokingly shaking her head at his boastful attitude.
As she jokingly shook her head in disbelief, she chuckled. "Yeah, sure, Jax, whatever you say." She says sarcastically, with no real bite to her tone.
Jax remembered what he thought before Pomni snapped him out of them. He was so worried that he ruined his friendship with Pomni, but now, he realized that they are back on good terms, with Pomni being her mischievous self, and Jax being, well, comfortable around her.
But even when they weren't on good terms, Pomni still stuck around, somewhat. Whether Jax wanted her to or not, she wasn't going to leave him: a fact that used to terrify him in the past, but now, after everything, it reassures him now, in the present.
"I'm gonna go check back on the others," Pomni says, her body already facing towards the other members. "I hope they're doing better..."
Jax looks over at the others in question, and they didn't look as bad as they did when he first saw them, seconds after they were released from Caine's grasp, but they still seemed exhausted. However, they were also healing one another, whether it was through physical means from Kinger comforting Ragatha's wounds, or emotional, from Zooble and Gangle comforting one another through hugs and words.
Those two duos seemed to get closer to one another after the lightning round of adventures, and then even more so after the guns adventure, when they were literally teamed up. Long ago, Jax accepted that he would be pretty much alone and distant from everyone. Even when he and Gangle were a duo, he would never let her see through him. So when she became friends with Zooble, and when he pushed Pomni away from him, he tried accepting that he would forever be alone in this circus.
But now...
Maybe that doesn't have to be the case.
"W-Wait!"
Pomni turned around to face him, her eyebrows arched in confusion. Jax forgets to talk the moment they make eye contact. "You... were saying?" Pomni asked, confusion seeping through her tone."
"Just... They seem fine helping each other out, don't you think?" Jax suggests, gesturing his hand towards the other members, who were very much healing with each other.
"Yeah, I guess so..." Pomni trails off. "What are you implying?"
Of all the moments where Pomni can usually read through Jax, this is the one moment where she doesn't understand, which makes Jax blush in embarrassment and frustration. Eventually, he tries composing himself, looking down. "Just... stay," He mutters, before he sits himself back down, his legs strewn on the floor in defeat. "Please."
"Oh, oh! Sure, I can do that!" Pomni says frantically, and Jax swore she saw some more pink in her face than usual. She walks over to him, fidgeting with her fingers. "So... how are you doing?" She asks awkwardly, clearly trying to help.
"How are you doing?" Jax asks her directly, with a hint of exasperation in his tone. "Has anyone ever asked you that, besides Ragatha, who's probably asked that to everyone else?"
"Well, yeah, she did tell me and everyone else, but... I guess I do still have a lot on my plate, and I didn't really tell her everything, because I noticed you over here, and I just started focusing on that, instead of myself."
"Don't you always focus on others?" Jax asks with frustration to his tone, but no malice. "You literally went out of your way to befriend one of the literal bandits of the adventure!"
"Well, I guess I just like talking to others about their issues, and trying to help them, one way or another," She sighs and looks out in the distance. "But yeah, I guess it has been exhausting, especially when I still feel guilty for messing up this entire circus..." Jax's heart involuntarily tightens when he heard a hint of a sob between her words.
"Go ahead then." Jax says, before letting the silence linger on. Pomni only looks at him in confusion. "What?"
"You're exhausted from listening to others emotionally, so I'll do that for you." Jax says nonchalantly, a part of him internally cringing from how kind he sounds, but he just wants to have Pomni stick around him a little longer, so he doesn't have to be alone. Yeah, that was the reason, because why would Jax do something actively nice for anyone.
The surprised look in Pomni's face made that clear as well. "Really? You'd do that?"
"Well, I won't really listen, but that's what you need, right? Just a moment to let it all out, or whatever? I won't judge, or laugh, or, anything..." He mutters, looking down flustered.
"Heh, yeah, I guess you're right," Pomni says, sounding much more cheerful than she did a moment ago. "I know it wasn't really my fault for killing Caine, I did my best, but it just... still... hurts..." She winces, and then continues just letting it all out.
She cries, she wails, she rambles about how she wished she could have done something different to distract Caine, and even though Jax told her that he won't really listen, there were still those occasional brief moments where he would tell her something reassuring, which did help, one way or another. Even though he sounded incredibly monotonous in those moments, it was clear that Pomni felt better from listening to him.
Eventually, Jax couldn't take the sight of Pomni just sobbing, so, he reluctantly reaches his hand towards her, keeping his expression blank, making sure not to actually touch her, but when she sees him reaching out for her, she lunges towards him, causing him to flush warm immediately.
His thoughts were practically screaming at him to push her away, because it'd be funny. But no, he couldn't, because that would mock her, it would be a sign of laughing at her vulnerability. Jax couldn't do that, even if he wanted to, because he knew it wouldn't be fair, after Pomni had shown to him that she wouldn't laugh at his vulnerability.
So he gives in to her hug as her body trembles from her sobs.
"I... I just don't know what to do..." She sobs, wiping her large eyes as she lifted her head from Jax's lap.
Not even realizing that he is caressing her jester hat with his hand, Jax reassures her again. "You don't have to do anything now, you know." He points out monotonously.
"Yeah, sniff, yeah, I guess you're right..."
"I'm always right." Jax says, making it clear that he's being sarcastic, which works as Pomni jokingly scoffs at him, which eased her sobbing.
"Nah, only half of the time." She sniffles, and yet there was a smile on her face. "God, I'm so sorry about all of this. I didn't expect to be such a mess again. After the horror adventure, I thought for sure I would be fine..."
"Shit's scary here, Pomni," Jax says. Fuck, it felt so good to swear again. "I don't blame you for freaking out. I never thought Caine could just... disappear..." He admits, trying not to sound too upset so he doesn't make Pomni feel more bad than she actually does. Didn't he not care about anyone in this circus?
The thought goes away, however, when Pomni looks at Jax kindly. "Thank you, Jax. I'm feeling better, despite being a mess." She chuckles to herself in defeat as she wipes off the last of her tears. "I think I'm ready to see the others. Come with me?" She gets up, offering Jax a hand.
Jax felt reluctant to face everyone else after everything that had happened, and he is still having a difficult time truly processing that they have nothing left. But if they have each other. maybe they can have... something. Whatever that may be.
"...Fine, I'll go with you." Jax says reluctantly, even though a part of him is relieved that he doesn't have to be alone again.
As they walk towards the others, Pomni says something. "Hey, Jax?"
"Hm?" Jax looks at Pomni, who is looking back at him with a small smile. If he didn't know any better, he swore he could see a hint of smugness to it.
"You're welcome, by the way."
Jax stopped walking for a second, taken aback by her words and just how she was in general. He knew exactly what Pomni meant by that, and while a part of him was hoping that she would forget him saying thank you, another part of him was relieved, for some reason.
Whatever the case may be, he can't help but feel warm at her attitude. When he tries being snarky and domineering, it comes off as annoying, and admittedly pathetic at times. But when she does it... Fuck.
"You coming, Jax?" She asks, having no confusion to her tone, like she knew exactly why he stopped.
"Y-yeah, sorry." Jax says, rushing over to her. What was he even apologizing for?!
All of these emotions of change, whether it'd be towards the external changes of Caine literally being gone, to the internal changes of Jax going incredibly soft, especially towards Pomni, he couldn't help but give in to the acceptance of everyone in the group, despite everything that he did to them, which he still can't wrap his head around as to why they would do that.
But he knew that he was vulnerable to abstraction, despite him outwardly denying it to everyone. And if he abstracted now, with no powerful ringmaster to put him in the cellar... Everyone could risk getting hurt. Pomni could be hurt, from him again. The idea alone caused an involuntary shiver through him, as they finally made it.
So here he was, and despite the loss of Caine, and the change in heart, Jax was treated back to normal, both physically and mentally. For the latter, he was worried that things would take a turn for the worst, but as he looks at everyone holding on to one another, and Pomni looking at him with such care that he probably doesn't deserve, maybe he'll be fine.
Maybe everything will be fine.