Work Text:
After the death of his master, Obi-Wan found himself without direction. Ever since he’d become a padawan there was very little constants in his life. His irritating master, and only real father figure, was one.
He had cried for a bit before releasing his emotions into the Force. His master had asked him to take care of the boy.
And so he would. Now that he was knighted he would ask to take on Anakin as his own padawan, even though he didn’t feel particularly ready. But that would not stop him, the kid needed someone now, and he would happily take that upon himself.
Speaking of the boy, he was currently curled into Obi-Wan’s side, fast asleep. Anakin had a hold of his robe, as if scared Obi-Wan would disappear. He put an arm around his shoulders, pulling the boy closer. He wasn’t sure when they’d get to rest once they got back to Coruscant, so he wanted the kid to get as much now as he could.
Obi-Wan was knighted when they arrived. Anakin was allowed to be his padawan, though he was warned by Master Yoda about the boy’s vague future. He didn’t care. Nothing was truly set in stone, and he would raise the boy as best as he could. It would all go the way it was meant to.
Everything seemed to move fast after Qui-Gon’s funeral.
There was getting Anakin his lightsaber, getting him robes, starting lessons, and all of the emotions that came with a 9 year old who had never known freedom and had to leave his mother behind.
It wasn’t surprising to him the first time Anakin crawled into his bed in the middle of the night. Neither of them said anything. Obi-Wan simply lifted his blanket and let the boy curl against his chest. They’d talk about it later, work on meditation. But for now they laid there, Anakin’s tears soaking into Obi-Wan’s sleep shirt.
The morning after was the first time they had sat down to meditate properly. That was when he learned the boy couldn’t sit still. So he suggested that Anakin lay down on his back instead. There was no reason he had to sit up. The more comfortable position seemed to help. Though his padawan still fidgeted a bit, it wasn’t as bad.
With regular meditation, and only a couple impromptu naps, Anakin hadn’t come to join him for almost two weeks.
The second time Anakin slipped into his bed, Obi-Wan decided to address it then and there. Only after once again lifting the blanket and letting him cuddle close.
“Bad dream?” He started, stroking the boy’s hair, trying to calm the tears that were still running down his cheeks.
“Mmm,” was the only answer he got. He wrapped an arm around his shoulders, his chin resting on top of his head. The moment would be almost sweet if it wasn’t also so disconcerting. He wasn’t really sure how to handle all of this, but he couldn’t let Anakin know that.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Obi-Wan would not force him, but he did need to know what was troubling the boy so much. If it was about his mother there wasn’t much to be done but if it were about something else-
His thoughts were cut off when Anakin spoke. “No. Just want you to be okay.”
Oh, well that was something he could work with. He pulled the boy just slightly closer, giving him as close to a hug as he could while they both laid down. “I am, dear one. You don’t have to worry about that. I am not going anywhere.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
It wasn’t perfect, but they’d work through it.
Anakin was 11 the first time he started to truly question his teachings. It had started with something simple, a question most young Jedi found themselves wondering about.
“We can’t love anyone?” He had asked one night after they had eaten. They were still sitting at the table and his padawan was fidgeting with his fork, trying not to make eye contact.
“Who told you that?” Surely it hadn’t been him. Obi-Wan had thought he’d been very careful in explaining things to the boy.
Anakin put the fork down and turned his head, still not making eye contact, but looking vaguely in his direction. “I just thought since we aren’t allowed attachments-”
Obi-Wan waved a hand, cutting the statement off. Apparently he hadn’t been thorough enough. He made eye contact, wanting to make sure his padawan understood and was paying attention when he spoke next. “Anakin, everything the Jedi stand for is because of love. In some way or another. We can love, it would be impossible for us not to. How else would we be able to care for so many in the galaxy? Attachments are another thing entirely. Do you understand?”
His padawan shook his head, but remained quiet. Obi-Wan stood, and came around to where the boy was sitting, pulling his chair along with him. He sat so he was facing him, a hand placed on his shoulder.
“Attachments are things we would choose above the well being of others for selfish decisions. As long as whatever you love doesn’t prevent you from doing your duties, you are welcome to love freely. I encourage you to do so, even.”
He still didn’t feel like it was an adequate description, but it would have to do for now. He could explain it again later if needed. For now, he would take the nod and smile from Anakin as evidence he’d done good.
“Master, can I ask you something?” Anakin was laid out on their shared couch, head on Obi-Wan’s lap as they both read their respective novels. His padawan had remained tactile, even now at 14 always seemingly attached to his hip.
“Of course, little one.” The endearment a joke for the most part, it wouldn’t be long before the boy was taller than him. He seemed to grow more and more each day. A fact that made Obi-Wan feel just a little sad.
Anakin sat up, facing him now, fiddling with his braid. He was always doing something, having to keep his hands busy, but it was obvious when he did it out of nerves, like right now. “Would you be mad…” He trailed off, looking unsure if he wanted to continue.
“You know very little truly angers me, my padawan, I’m sure whatever it is will be fine.” It was true. Out of the two of them Obi-Wan was the one who always seemed cool and collected. He would lecture and ground the boy when he needed to but he tried his best not to yell. He can’t remember the last time he’d been so mad at him that he did.
“Ikissedsomeone.” Anakin said quickly, turning red as he spoke. Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at him.
“Is there a reason I should be angry? Honestly, I am quite happy for you and-”
“It was a guy.” Anakin interjected. Oh. Is that what he was worried about? His padawan sat there, still fidgeting with his hair, looking scared. He knew that it wasn’t the most accepted thing on Tatooine but surely he didn’t think Obi-Wan cared about such matters.
But a glance at the boy told him he did think that, and was scared he would be angry at him.
“Anakin,” The use of his name grabbed his padawan’s attention. He placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “That’s fine. I am glad you felt safe to tell me, and I assure you that I am perfectly okay with whoever you choose to spend your time with. Unless of course they were not good for you.” He added that last bit. There were definitely some people he did not want the boy around.
“Okay, um, are you-”
“Anakin, I am quite sure. In fact I’d be a hypocrite otherwise.”
“You?”
“Me.”
The boy nodded, and then laid back down, apparently deciding the conversation was over. Obi-Wan wasn’t so sure about that.
“So, who is he? When do I get to meet him?”
The blush that had been slowly disappearing came back full force then.
Obi-Wan had been sleeping when Anakin comm’d him. They had only been back on Coruscant for a day now, having just come back from mediating a very rough debate between two neighboring tribes on a planet he didn’t care to remember.
He was tired, and didn’t think much of it when he told the boy he could hang out with some of his friends. It was rare that he had the chance, other padawans often being offworld with their own masters. He thought it would be good for him.
Which was why the beeping waking him up alarmed him.
“Anakin? Are you alright?” The answer was obvious as he took in the holographic form of his student. He was slouched over some counter and looked completely out of it.
“Master? Can you come-” He didn’t have to finish. Obi-Wan told him to send his location and he’d be there as fast as possible.
After disconnecting, he dressed quickly, mostly just making sure his outer robe covered the fact that he wasn’t properly dressed, and began his trek through the city.
Luckily, they hadn’t gone too far, and it was easy enough to get there on foot, he didn’t feel like hijacking a speeder.
He wasn’t surprised to find himself in front of a bar, only a little disappointed. And as he stepped inside, he felt even more disappointed. They couldn’t have lied their way into a nicer place? One that didn’t smell of piss and spice.
He found Anakin at the bar, another padawan trying to keep him awake. The other boy startled as Obi-Wan approached, apologizing profusely.
“Master Kenobi, I am so sorry. I just left him alone for a minute and-” He waved it off.
“You didn’t force him to drink. It’s his own fault.” And they would be having a talk about making better choices, but later.
The kid looked even more nervous, clearly struggling with what he wanted to say before finally blurting out, “But that’s the thing, I think he was drugged.” The last part was whispered.
He didn’t know what to say to that. He could feel the anger stirring in his chest. Not at the other padawan. This was hardly the child’s fault. No, at whatever monster decided he could do this to his kid. He looked around the room, but didn’t see anyone looking their way.
“Do you know who-”
“No, Master. No one was here when I got back, just Anakin.”
Okay, so at least there was a high chance that nothing had happened after the drugging. Not that it wasn’t bad enough on its own.
He just nodded and asked the boy to help put Anakin on his back. Once he had him lifted, arms wrapped around his shoulders and legs around his waist, like he was still 9 and not taller than him, he turned back. “Gather the rest of your friends, we are leaving.”
It wasn’t long before he had 4 drunken padawans, not including his own, following him back to the temple. He made sure each got back to their room before finally heading toward his.
He was careful as he opened the door, and even when he set the boy down on his bed. He couldn’t let his emotions get the better of him. That is not what Anakin would need. No, right now he needed to take care of him and make sure he would be safe.
He sat by his bed all night, helping him up when he woke up sick, getting him medicine to help with what was probably the worst hangover imaginable, and even held his hair back as he emptied his stomach of all he’d eaten the night before.
A lesson would come soon enough. Being taught how to make better choices and to never leave a drink open and out of his sight. He wished it didn’t have to, but he’d refused to see the boy hurt like this again.
At 19, Anakin began to have nightmares of his mother. Obi-Wan ignored the council and made up a reason for the boy to go. He knew that this was important, the Force would not have shown him otherwise.
His padawan was gone for a month before returning. He seemed happier than he was before he left. Obi-Wan chose not to take it to heart.
Obi-Wan Kenobi was 35 when he finally decided his padawan was able to become a knight.
He was 35 the day he came home to a lonely set of rooms, having only ever shared with someone since the day he was born, even before the temple. He wasn’t quite sure when the tears started, or when they had stopped.
And he was 35 when he realized that he simply couldn’t do this.
It didn’t matter what the council wanted. He would not be a general. He couldn’t. There was no way he could go out there everyday and watch men die. Feel their signatures fade into nothing. Obi-Wan was done with grief.
So he chose to stay within the temple. He took up a spot as a Creche Master. Watching over the young ones gave him a purpose again. Even if it meant late nights with crying babies. It felt right for this to be where he remained. He wasn’t made for the battlefield.
Anakin was 20 when he married. He had come to Obi-Wan late one night, careful not to wake the sleeping Dug pup in his arms. He sat on the floor in front of them and put his head in his master’s lap like he had when he was younger.
“Padme and I got married.” He said it simply, but he could feel the tension in the boy’s shoulders. He relinquished one arm to pat him on the head, running his hands through Anakin’s unruly hair.
“I am happy for you, though a bit disappointed I wasn’t invited.”
Anakin’s entire demeanor changed, getting up to sit on the couch next to Obi-Wan. The same one they had shared for a decade. He curled into his side, hiding his face in Obi-Wan’s shoulder.
“I wanted you there, so badly, master,” he told him, and he could feel as the shoulder of his robe got progressively more wet. “I just- It happened so fast. There wasn’t time and… I am sorry, Obi-Wan.”
“You have nothing to apologize for. As long as you are happy that’s all I care about.” It was true. Sure, he knew that Anakin should not have married. That his kid was going to become attached in a way unbecoming of a Jedi. There was no way he would break any vows for anything. But he just wanted the boy to be happy. He had dealt with plenty.
They sat in silence for a while. It was only because of the pup that either of them moved from their spot. Obi-Wan shifted him to the shoulder not occupied by his former padawan, and began to rock and pat the youngling’s back.
“Sorry, Kadu here seems to have a very bad case of colic and only will let me hold him. It’s why we are here instead of in the Creche.”
Anakin didn’t say anything as he calmed Kadu. Waited until he was fast asleep again before speaking. “You’re very good at that.”
“Thank you, I like to think I had plenty of practice with you.” It was an exaggeration, obviously, he hadn’t known Anakin as a baby, just close to it. And really he hadn’t expected the sentence to mean much, he was just kidding.
So when Anakin leaned back against him, carefully wrapping his arms around Obi-Wan’s shoulders, it surprised him for just a moment.
“I’ve missed you.” His voice was muffled by the robe his face was pressed into, but he heard it all the same.
“I’ve missed you, too, little one. Why don’t you spend the night?”
So he did. Neither slept, staying up to chat and catch up. It felt like no time had passed, as though the last year was a dream that they were finally waking up from.
But they knew that wasn’t true. Soon Anakin would be leading a squadron, the war getting bigger and bigger every day, and he would remain here, away from the front lines, hoping and praying that his child returns to him in one piece.