Chapter Text
Todd’s POV
09/01/2003
It was a brand new school year. Todd stood in the bathroom and eyed himself. His big blue eyes wandered over his face and stopped at his mouth. He still had a stain of toothpaste right at the left corner of his mouth. Quickly, he grabbed a tissue and removed the stain. As he was throwing away the tissue which was now balled up, he suddenly felt the urge to vomit again. When he was nervous, which he always was, he needed to get whatever was in his system out. But today, Todd was especially nervous.
Which was why he had already thrown up three times today. A new school meant new people. And new people could become new enemies. If one could call them enemies. They were more like people he was incredibly scared of. Unfortunately, Todd knew the game all too well. Ever since he was five years old, kids his age had picked at him. He didn’t know what he did, but since he was a little child he got bullied. They called him names like fag and fairy, when he didn’t even know what these words meant at the time. Yes, he probably was different from the other boys his age. He had no romantic interest whatsoever, in girls nor boys. Sometimes he wondered if he was even able to experience or even feel love. His grandma used to say, he was an old soul caged in a young body. Which was likely true.
This wasn’t the first time he changed schools. It was probably the 5th time, Todd couldn’t even be sure, he had lost track of it. His whole life boys his age would use every chance to do anything in order to hurt him. It didn’t matter what they did, as long as it would make him feel miserable. Todd didn't even know what was more hurtful, when boys punched him or just insulted him. Presumably the physical violence, since he was already familiar with the insults from home. Once he read in a newspaper article that people who no longer feel pain from insults are emotionally numb. Maybe he was exactly that, emotionally numb, at least he felt like he was. But maybe not because what did he know, he wasn’t a psychiatrist after all.
In elementary school, Jeffrey, his older brother always protected him but since he was 4 years older than Todd he had to change schools. And after Jeff left, the game started again. And it got worse in middle school. Since they lived in a small village near Vermont, every boy in his elementary school changed to the same middle school, Saint. Johns Academy. At one point, when he was in 8th grade, two boys named Jason and Trevor locked him in the bathroom and punched and kicked at him until he bled. “What will you do now you little fag? Run to your brother, so that he will protect you? Oh right, can’t even do that.” That day he was found by his teacher and although he begged her not to tell anyone, as his brother would only worry unnecessarily, she insisted and his parents found out about the incident. But since it was already February and he would be transferring to high school next year anyway, he stayed for the last 4 months, much to Jeff's concern.
His first Highschool was Balincrest. He didn’t have the grades to attend Welton like his brother did. Much to the displeasure of his parents. “Why can’t you just be like Jeffrey? Why do you have to stand out? We’re really disappointed in you Todd.” He has heard this speech so often it couldn’t even get to him anymore. Of course it still stung but it didn’t feel like an insult anymore, it was the truth.
Despite it, Todd found the accusations ridiculous. He, trying to get attention? To stand out? That was the exact thing he was trying to avoid. But apparently, that was the reason why he was such an easy target. He never tried to defend himself. He wouldn’t have a chance anyway. Todd was a skinny, lanky nervous mess like a scared dog who, when someone punched him, crawled in the darkest corner and rolled up. He wasn’t the type of dog who would bite during the attack or bark to scare the bullies before they could even start.
At Balincrest, people often would just insult him in front of everyone. One time a boy called Jason, who bullied him since elementary school, told every student, that Todd was a fag and tried to corrupt him to have sex with him. Which was obviously not true. Nonetheless, everybody avoided him for 2 weeks.
But the incident in which Jeff lost all compassion and patience happened only two months ago. Three boys followed him to the bathroom after class. Honestly, Todd should have seen it coming. The bullies cornered him, and since they had a knife, he didn't even try to run away. Todd didn't know exactly how, but somehow they managed to strip him down to his underwear and beat him while doing so. They kept going until he passed out and woke up in the hospital with a very upset Jeff by his side. Apparently, according to his brother, they had given him a bruised rib and a collapsed lung, along with a few cuts on his torso. "That's it for those assholes. This time they've gone too far," Jeff told him. "Jeff," Todd tried to convince him otherwise. But his older brother stood firm. "No, Todd. This time they've crossed a line. They won't get away with this." He had never seen his older brother so upset. Jeff made sure the three bullies were expelled from school. He actually wanted to press charges against them, but after a lot of persuasion, Todd talked him out of it, as it would only cause more trouble. Nevertheless, Jeff insisted on changing schools. Even his parents agreed, and if they saw any reason why Todd should change schools, then it was a really bad situation.
And now he was here, hoping for a fresh start at a new school. Welton. Although Todd didn't actually have the grades for it, Jeff managed to convince the headmaster to make an exception and let him attend the school. "I’m only doing this because you were such an exceptional student, Mr. Anderson. One can only hope that your brother is a little like you." Jeff was able to win everyone over with his charm.
Todd could hear footsteps approaching the bathroom. A moment later he could hear a soft knock. “Todd? Could I come in? I think I left my watch on the sink.” “Yeah,you can come in.”, he answered faintly. As his brother entered, he noticed, once again, that he was the complete opposite of Jeff. While Todd had big blue eyes and a snub nose that made him look much younger than he actually was, his brother had green eyes and a more defined, ordinary-looking nose. Jeff’s blonde hair was always slightly messy but still somehow neat, while Todd’s lay flat against his head. Jeff was also more muscular than his younger brother, and ever since his teenage years, girls had practically lined up for him.
Jeffrey was good at school and always ready to help others, while Todd was the younger brother who was often seen as the “broken one.” His parents reminded him of these facts on a daily basis. Even though Jeff always included him in his friend group, he was always the outcast. And at some point, Jeff simply accepted this fact, and Todd was no longer dragged along with his brother’s friends to a movie he didn't even want to see.
“Are you ready?”Jeffrey asked, interrupting Todd’s thoughts, while he was looking him up and down. “Do you think it will get better at this school?”,the younger one asked unsure. Jeff hesitated for a moment. “Of course. I know it will be better at Welton. But if something happens, I'm just one call away. And I will kick anyone’s ass if they hurt my little brother. Understood?”, Jeff said. “Understood.”, Todd answered with less tremble in his voice. Even though he knew that it probably won’t get better at Welton, he needed reassurance. And his brother always gave him one. So even if Jeff didn’t reallly believe it, he was always willing to lie if it would ease Todd’s worries.
“Ah, there it is!” , the older pointed at the watch that was right next to the toothbrush at the sink and, in one smooth movement, he placed it around his right wrist. “Jesus, it’s half past seven! We need to get going if we want to arrive on time.”, Jeff said while squinting his eyes to read his watch better. “Today you're still lucky, because it’s the first day, so you only have to be there at 8:30, but tomorrow, you’ll have to be in the class at 8:00.”, the older said amusedly in order to cheer his little brother up. Todd recognized the effort and even though he wasn’t the least bit relieved he smiled a little, because he knew Jeff had put up with a lot because of him.
"Alright. I think I’m ready.”, he said while he looked at himself in the mirror one last time. Hell, with this uniform he looked like a copy and he felt like one. The jacket was a bit too big for him, but it was already the smallest size. The uniform was a bit scratchy, but it could be worse. It always could be worse. Quickly, he left the bathroom and went to his room while Jeff was following him. Once Todd was in his room, he grabbed his bag and made sure he had everything with him. A MP3 Player, headphones, tissues, a pocket knife for emergencies, a notebook for his thoughts and a travel toothbrush alongside with a little tube of toothpaste. Those were the things he would always carry around with him. Of course he had a normal toothbrush as well in his suitcase, but for emergencies when his anxiety would spike again and he would vomit, he had one in his pocket.
“Todd?”Jeff asked, voice trembling but still steady. “Yeah?”,he said, raising his head to get a better look at his older brother. “I’m really proud of you Todd. You know that, don’t you?” Jeff said, getting a little emotional. “Yes”, Todd lied. Nobody could be proud of him. For what? For causing trouble and by being the kid nobody even wanted in the first place,but was now sure of it because he was so messed up? “I’m so sorry for what you had to go through. I know you told me about a few incidents, but I can’t be sure if there was more going on than what you’ve told me. I just - don’t get me wrong, I do trust you Todd, I really do but”, he exhaled heavily. “It took you so long to tell me about what was going on and I want to be there for you. I know I have a girlfriend and friends of my own and tomorrow I’m heading off to college, but I’ll always have room for you. You can always talk to me. Even if it’s 2 a.m, I don’t care and I need you to know that. Ok?"
“Ok”, Todd said, his voice hoarse. Jeff was too good to him. He didn’t deserve him. His brother was like an angel who would save and protect him from whatever thing that could hurt Todd. But Todd already knew, he would never call him. Jeff had his own problems and his own life and his brother shouldn’t have to deal with his crap as well.“Can I hug you now, mini-me?”Jeff asked, his voice still trembling. “Yeah”,the younger one answered while laughing a little at the absurdity of Jeff's statement. He could never be like Jeff. Todd opened his arms and Jeffrey took a few steps towards him and hugged him tightly.
“Jeffrey, Todd are you up there? It’s already late, you need to get going!”a voice called from the living room downstairs. Jeff slowly pulled away from the hug and replied: “Yeah mom, we’re coming!” His brother briefly ruffled Todd's hair like he always did when Todd was nervous. It was a habit they had had since their childhood and they had maintained it. Then he was leaving his room with a short but warm: “I’ll see you outside”
Todd took his bag and went to his door, as he looked around his room one last time. Hopefully everything would go as planned and he wouldn’t enter his room for another year, the summer before college.
Todd descended the stairs with somewhat tired steps. Think positive, Todd. Welton’s going to be better. You will find lots of friends and you’ll actually like it there. He mentally reassured himself. Todd almost laughed at his own ridiculous words. It never got better, so why should it now? But this time he had to persevere. He couldn't burden Jeff any further.
Once he got downstairs, his mother stopped him just before he reached the front door. "Todd?" He wasn't sure what he was hoping for; perhaps a simple "You can do it, Todd" or "Good luck" would have sufficed. But no, it was still his mother, and it didn't surprise him when she then said, "Don't you dare disappoint us. You've already cost us so much money and nerves. Your poor brother always had to pick up the slack. Make sure things are better there and you won’t bother us anymore." All Todd could do was simply nod and slip out the front door as quickly as possible.
Jeffrey was already waiting in his car, which he'd got for his 21st birthday a month ago, and was sitting behind the wheel, ready to drive any moment. He quickly walked around the car, loaded his suitcase into the trunk, and turned back to his house one last time.
So many memories were tied to that house. So many bad memories, in the bathroom, in the living room, in his bedroom. "You can trust me, it'll feel good. Just try to relax" He quickly squeezed his eyes shut; no, he never wanted to remember that ever again.
Slowly, he opened his eyes and climbed into the passenger seat.
"Welton," Jeff began as he drove out of their driveway and onto the highway. "God, that time was incredible."
Todd quickly interrupted him before Jeff could get lost in the old memories."Could we maybe not talk? I'd like to enjoy the peace and quiet before.." he gestured slightly with his hands, "the new school year begins."
Jeff gave him a worried look but stopped talking.
Todd really appreciated it and took his MP3 player and headphones out of his pocket. He put the earbuds in and decided to listen to "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles. The song didn't reflect his mood at all, but he wanted to give the school year at least a chance. For Jeff's sake. As Paul sang, he felt a few rays of morning sun bathe his face in a warm breeze.
Todd opened the window and felt the wind blow through his hair. He closed his eyes and let the music wash over him. Now there was only him and the Beatles.
After a 40-minute drive, Jeff finally turned onto a one-way street. It was a beautiful avenue, lined with magnificent trees,birches, he guessed. There were several shops, but a small, charming bookstore caught his eye, and he made a mental note to stop by soon. He thought he remembered Jeff mentioning that they were allowed to leave the school grounds and explore the city on weekends.
“We’re here,” his brother said, pulling Todd from his thoughts. He tilted his head and saw a huge building looming before him, looking as if it had always been there. It was beautiful and reminded him a little of a castle. Jeff parked maybe 60 feet from the entrance and got out. Todd closed his eyes briefly and swallowed. He became aware of a lump in his throat, so large he felt like he was choking on it. But before he could focus on that, he opened the passenger door and got out as well.
He took his bag as Jeff handed him his suitcase. “Come with me. The ceremony starts in 5 minutes!”, said his brother, as he headed towards a church. He followed him and noticed many boys saying goodbye to their parents. One boy was crying and sobbing intensely, while another didn't seem to be sad at all. Todd wished he could be that sad someday, saying goodbye to his parents. Ironically, they hadn't even come along.
Well, it was probably for the best. Otherwise, they would’ve just nagged him again. "Todd, stand up straighter! Shoulders back and chest out!" As if that would do any good. For that, it was already too late.
As he entered the church, a musty smell hit him. He generally didn't like churches. There was something unwelcoming about them. It was cold, the pews were uncomfortable to sit on, and it was always dark.
Jeff pushed his way through the crowd and secured two seats for them in the back right corner. Todd looked around and saw four guys with flags walking toward the podium. He could only really see the tops of the flags because unusually tall people were sitting in front of him. Or maybe it was because he was one of the shorter ones there. Probably the latter.
“Today we gathered again to begin a new school year. This year marks the 150th anniversary of Welton, and I'm quite proud to have been headmaster here for 50 years. This year we're also offering soccer as a new extracurricular activity. But don't get your hopes up too soon. We're still one of the toughest schools.”, said a man, maybe in his 70s. Todd found the man unpleasant from the start. How could someone so old still be a school principal?
"The four pillars of our schools are:" Suddenly everyone around him stood up. Jeff gestured for him to stand as well, so he did the same as his brother. "Tradition. Honor. Discipline. Excellence." Todd saw his brother's mouth twitch at these words, as if he'd implanted the phrase in his brain. “That's what we stand for. And never forget that your children are fortunate enough to attend one of the best schools in the state.Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Now, say goodbye to your kids and wish them the best of luck in finding an effective learning method.”
Todd winced slightly. Great. So, it was the hardest school ever. Suddenly, everyone jumped up and tried to get to the door. When Jeff and Todd reached the exit, they saw the principal, Mr. Nolan, shaking hands with each student. Todd's heart was racing.
"Mr. Jeffrey Anderson, what a pleasant surprise to see you here! You graduated three years ago. What are you doing here?", Mr. Nolan greeted his brother.
"Well, I didn't want to send Todd, my little brother," he began, gesturing toward him, "all alone to a new school. That's why I came along today. But I actually have to leave in five minutes," he said, glancing at his watch. "I'm starting college tomorrow, and I still have to pack. You know how it is," he tried to end the conversation with a smile.
"College...may I ask which one?"
"Harvard, sir," he replied.
"Well of course.I really wish you the best of luck, Mr. Anderson, and you," Mr. Nolan addressed Todd, "I wish you the best of luck keeping up with the others. Your brother was top of his class."
That felt like a slap in the face.
Jeff, as always, noticed how uncomfortable Todd was, put his hands around the younger boy's shoulders, and led him away from Mr. Nolan.
The principal had to settle for a quick "Thank you, sir" before Jeff and Todd disappeared, and he could greet the other students.
"I really have to go now, I'm afraid. But I know you can do this, Todd. I've already given your suitcase to some employees. They'll take it to your room." He winked. "There are advantages to being treated like a god around here." Todd rolled his eyes slightly. Sometimes Jeff let it all go to his head a little too much. "See that board up there?" his brother said, pointing to a board covered in notes 20 feet away. "You'll find your name and your roommate's location there. Oh yeah, and who your roommate is,of course."
That was the catch. Todd had already forgotten that he had to share everything, his entire private life, with someone. Todd nodded. "Okay. Thanks, Jeff, and have fun at college. Say hi to Maeve for me."
Jeff chuckled a little. "I definitely will. She'll probably ask me how you are and what you're up to."Todd smiled. He liked Maeve very much. She was good for Jeff, and she always brought him a nice little gift whenever she came by.
Todd hugged Jeff one last time and waited until Jeff had driven off in his car.
He turned and walked over to the bulletin board. My God, there were so many names. After about three minutes, he finally found his: Room 208, Neil Perry. He didn't recognize that name.
He made his way to the part of the school building where the rooms were located.
Only now did he realize how beautiful it actually was. The ground was covered in gravel, and there were many bushes and trees that seemed to mark a path. In the middle of the courtyard was a fountain, and the sound of the water had a calming effect on him.
But Todd wasn't fooled. He had learned that there was always a catch to everything. Something always had to spoil the good things.
He had that strange feeling in his gut again, the one he always got when something bad was about to happen.
Todd quickly shook his head to banish the thought. Finally, he continued on his way. He passed a group of boys.
"Charlie, I didn't say that! Stop telling everyone I think Mrs. Miller is hot," complained one boy, though he didn't sound upset.
"Neil, everyone knows you have a thing for her," giggled a slightly shorter but more sturdily built boy. A few other students stood beside them, listening to the conversation with amusement.
Todd quickened his pace to get past them as fast as possible. But of course, luck wasn't on his side. Just as he was about to pass, the shorter boy made the stupid decision to push the other. The other boy was clearly unprepared and collided with Todd.
Todd tumbled headfirst to the ground. He could already feel the scratches the pebbles had left on his hands and a few on his chin. The other boy also fell, but wasn't as badly hurt since he landed lightly on top of Todd. As quickly as the boy realized where and on whom he was lying, he scrambled to his feet. "Shit, are you okay?"
Todd looked up and saw chocolate-brown eyes; he'd never seen eyes so dark. As he thought about it, he was sure he'd get lost in them if he looked any longer. So he shifted his eyes and took in the rest of the boy's face. He had messy brown hair and very prominent cheekbones. Man, Todd would give anything for cheekbones like that.
The other boy pointed at the scratches on Todd's face while he chewed on his lip. "I really messed you up, didn't I?" Todd noticed the other's cheeks flush.
A warm feeling spread through Todd, and suddenly he wanted to do everything he could to make the handsome boy feel better.
"No, it's okay," Todd said, getting to his feet.
"Are you sure?" the cute boy asked, visibly nervous, running his hand through his hair and messing it up even more. Todd nodded, unsure how it was even possible to make his hair messier. In any case, it made him look even cuter. God, what was he thinking?, he realized, and banished these thoughts.
Suddenly, the boy reached out and wiped Todd’s sweater. When Todd looked at him questioningly, he explained, "You have gravel dust on your sweater." To get a better look at the dust spots, he took another step closer to him, and a loud clacking sound was heard. The boys immediately looked down at the foot where the loud noise had come from.
They saw an MP3 player, broken in half and clearly unusable. Todd felt tears welling up in his eyes. Why did he have to cry over every little thing? He cursed himself inwardly and tried to blink back the tears as he bent down to examine his destroyed MP3 player more closely. It must have fallen out when he himself fell to the ground.
"Shit! Shit! Shit!" the boy exclaimed in frustration.. "First I knock you down, and now I break your MP3 player. What is wrong with me?!"
Todd didn't get a chance to reply when he heard his name called from another direction. "Todd?!" It was Jeff. Why was Jeff still here?
His brother rushed towards him and knelt down beside him. "Are you okay? What happened?" he asked, glaring at the boy who was still standing next to Todd.
"Nothing, everything's fine. I tripped, that's all," Todd replied.
"Don't lie to me. I thought we talked about this," Jeff insisted.
"I'm not lying. What are you even still doing here?", Todd tried to change the subject, using his eyes to tell Jeff to drop it. Thankfully, his brother got the hint, and he had never been so relieved that Jeff knew him so well.
"I was already on my way home and then I saw your MP3 player charger on the passenger seat" he explained, pointing to the piece of plastic on the ground. "So i thought I would bring it to you. But obviously you can't use it anymore."
"Yeah, I guess that's my fault," said the brown-haired boy, looking guilty.
"Is that so?" replied Jeff, instantly back in protective mode. "And why, if I may ask? On purpose? Tell me your name and I'll make sure you get expelled."
The boy's eyes widened, and Todd let out a surprised, "Jeff!"
But his brother didn't stop there. "Or do you have another idea for making it up to my brother? Do you perhaps have an MP3 player yourself?"
The boy nodded.
"Good, then you'll lend it to him until he gets a new one, understand?"
The boy nodded again.
Jeff turned back to Todd and whispered softly, "Call me if anything else happens." And with that, he left a bewildered Todd and a slightly intimidated stranger with his friends.
"Oh shit," exclaimed one of Neil's friends. "Getting in trouble on the very first day of school? Only you could pull that off, Neil Perry!" giggled the short, stocky boy. "Shut up!" said the cute boy, who was apparently named Neil. He bent down to Todd and offered him his hand. He took it somewhat hesitantly, and a moment later he was back on his feet.
Neil went to his bag, reached inside, and rummaged around for a minute. A moment later, he pulled out a light blue MP3 player and handed it to Todd. "Here. You can have it until my dad buys you a new one."
"No, no, I can't accept that," he stammered. But Neil just smiled at him and said, "I don't mind at all, really. It's just an MP3 player." But for Todd, it wasn't just that; it was a way to escape reality. As soon as he heard the music in his ears, he didn't have to deal with his problems anymore. So he was very grateful that Neil hadn't been dissuaded from his brother's suggestion.
"Thank you," he said gently. "Of course," Neil answered. "Now that you've claimed my MP3 player for yourself, can I have your name?"
"I, uh, I didn't mean to, I didn't," Todd stammered, embarrassed, and blushed furiously.
"I'm just kidding. But I would like to know your name," he laughed and winked at him.
At that, Todd blushed even more. "Todd Anderson," he said shyly.
"Oh, so you're thatAnderson! That means your brother was Jeffrey Anderson! Oh my God, I've heard so many rumors about him. He's practically a legend around here," the shorter boy remarked excitedly. He also had brown hair, but not as dark as Neil's, and was noticeably broader and shorter.
“By the way, I’m Charlie Dalton,” he added with a smirk.
Neil rolled his eyes. “Just ignore Charlie. You don’t have to answer his questions; they’re all stupid anyway.”
“Hey,” Charlie interrupted, feigning offense. “I ask very intelligent questions.”
“You wish, Dalton,” another boy teased. He turned to Todd. “I’m Knox Overstreet.” Todd nodded and shook his hand briefly before Charlie turned back to Knox. “Knoxious, what are you trying to say? Are you implying I’m stupid?”
Todd had only been able to follow the conversation up to that point when Neil addressed him again.
“Todd Anderson…” he thought aloud. “Could it be possible that we’re roommates?”
Todd remembered the name next to his on the sheet, “Yeah, I think so. Are you Neil Perry?”
“I guess that’s me,” Neil stated. "I'm looking forward to sharing a room with you." And he gave him another warm smile that made Todd melt.
"Come on, let's find our room," he said, and continued walking in that direction.
Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad year after all.