Chapter Text
It's a long journey to Erid. It was bound to come up. Grace was just happy it did before he was too malnourished to do anything about it.
They'd covered the basics of reproduction before they'd even discovered astrophage, talking long into the night while Rocky laid above him. He understood the general mechanics of Eridian babymaking.
It was the story of Adrian and Rocky's first meeting that got them onto the subject. Rocky told Grace how he met Adrian at a combined thrum of engineers and biologists, how he'd been distracted and fascinated by their wacky biomechanical ideas.
"Sometimes Adrian so dumb but also so smart, just like Grace. Adrian crazy just like Grace. I guess Rocky like crazy." Rocky was in the process of knitting a close-fitting xenonite suit that would let him get out of the ball, while Mary ran Grace through his daily workout.
Before he met Rocky, he'd skipped it more often than not, but Rocky was a relentless taskmaster. "Grace need resistance training or snap every bone in body and die, Grace end up with hollow bones like Eridian flying creature."
"Thanks bud," said Grace. "Is this how you charmed Adrian, with this sweet talk?"
"No, Adrian not care about Rocky's words at first, care about Rocky attachments. We try 🎶🎵🎶🎵, very compatible, Adrian impressed. Very impressed. Then we start to talk. And never stop."
"Wait," said Grace, "Need word. What was that? You tried what? You said attachments. Did you guys go ice skating or something?"
"Try 🎶🎵🎶🎵. Two Eridians, both pleasure each other, pleasure themselves. Humans not do this question? Rocky never see Grace do this. Human life very boring. Sad."
"Wait wait wait," said Grace, feeling his face grow hot, and not from exertion from his squats. "We have a word for sex. We talked about this."
"We talk about fertilize eggs, raise children. That is sex, right?"
"No, no," said Grace. "We need to update the dictionary. That's reproduction. Sex is different."
"What sex then? Sex pleasure for self and couple?" The word pleasure made Grace uncomfortable. It made him think of Tim Curry drawing out the word in Rocky Horror. Shivering. With anticipation.
Pleasure had never been his closest companion, but it was more distant than ever these days. Sometimes he felt like he was turning into a part of the ship, like his brain was suspended in metal and wires. The remaining food was bland, and even that would run out. He hadn't masturbated for months. What would he imagine? There had been a period, before his memories came back, of painfully sensual, almost ghostly dreams, exes and beautiful actresses and warm faceless bodies, pressing him to the bed and pinning him down until he woke hard as a rock and frantically touching himself, grinding against his bunk. But those dreams were long gone.
He was at peace. He'd told Rocky that before, when it was a lie, but now it was true. He had saved the best friend he ever had, the person he loved most in the universe. Whatever happened, he had saved Rocky from dying alone. They were together, no matter what came next. Pleasure was the least of what Grace would sacrifice for that.
"Sure," said Grace, "I guess that's how you define sex, yeah. If you're doing it right."
"Grace try sex wrong question?" said Rocky.
"Very funny," said Grace, inputting the edits into the translation software. "Grace try sex fine. So you and Adrian hook up, you have a beautiful romantic night together, and the rest is history, huh?"
"What mean 'hook up'?"
"Have sex."
"Oh. Yes, Adrian and Rocky try sex, big success. Only have to try one time before big success."
"What do you mean 'try'?" said Grace. "You guys were virgins?"
"What mean 'virgins'?"
"Your first time having sex."
Rocky laughed. "No, no. Adrian try with many Eridians. Rocky try with a few before Adrian. But Rocky very young when meet Adrian. Fall in love very fast."
"That's nice bud," said Grace, groaning as he finished his lunges.
"Please begin your stretching routine, Dr. Grace," said Mary. Grace dawdled long enough for Rocky to put down his xenonite knitting and give Grace the gimlet eye, figuratively speaking.
"Grace, stretch!"
"Yeah, yeah, don't start about my old bones," said Grace, bending his knees and folding at the waist, letting his arms swing freely.
"Wait, sorry," said Grace, enjoying the rush of blood to his head. "I'm still hung up on 'attachments.' What are the attachments, here, exactly?"
"Sex attachments," said Rocky. "Rocky make different kinds of attachments for sex. Adrian like Rocky's attachments. Like better than own attachments even."
"You made sex toys," said Grace, still upside down and unwilling to look Rocky in the face for this.
"Not toys," said Rocky, sounding offended. "Grace, stand up. Stand up before pass out!"
Reluctantly, Grace stood up. Fortunately, Rocky had gone back to his xeno-knitting, as if this were a totally normal conversation. Maybe it was normal for Eridians. Heck, maybe it was normal for most humans. Didn't most humans talk about this kind of thing with their best friend?
"Sex toys are what human calls sex attachments," said Grace.
"Ok," said Rocky, dragging out the "k" like he always did when he thought Grace was either lying or being stupid.
"Is that-you use toys every time? Like, do Eridians ever have sex without attachments?"
"How have sex no attachment? Just use claws question? No way. Rocky make joke."
"What did you do before you developed...tools?" said Grace, baffled. "Like, evolutionarily?"
"What humans do before develop fire, develop wheel, develop medicine?" retorted Rocky. "Die. Suffer. Get sick, inside and outside bones all break or rot in goopy head. Rocky read some humans have baby and die, have baby kill humans without medicine, other humans not care, keep doing reproduction anyway. Who cares what anyone do when science bad? Have tools now. If no attachments then how have good sex question? Grace sex good no attachments question?"
Grace's whole body went hot again. How did he even answer that? He'd had good sex with his ex, sure. And yeah, she'd used a vibrator on herself, but it was all pretty by the book. They were never too good at talking about sex, let alone picking out...tools...together.
"I guess I'm being kind of...heteronormative," said Grace, grimacing.
"Ugh, new word so long, what mean now?"
How did Grace even begin to explain this concept to a hermaphrodite rock alien who couldn't imagine sex without toys they custom built for their adventurous partner?
"Don't worry about, it doesn't matter," said Grace. "Actually, yeah, wow, it really, really doesn't matter. Like, I'm never going to see another human again, probably, let alone a human woman I have sex with, so like, does my gender even matter anymore, does my-" He held up both hands and stopped himself. Rocky matched the gesture, xeno-knitting dangling from one claw. "I'm getting off topic. I can freak out about human sex stuff later. Time for Eridian sex stuff now. Can I ask-I don't even know how to phrase this question."
"Ask. Won't be most stupid question Grace ever ask. Won't be most stupid question Grace ask today."
"Thanks Rock." Grace flung himself down onto a foam roller, rolling his glutes as he looked up at the ceiling. "What attracted you to Adrian? Like, sexually? What made you want to be more than friends?"
"No understand," said Rocky. "I tell Grace, Adrian have crazy ideas at thrum, ideas Rocky could not believe. So Rocky ask Adrian to try."
"But why did you want to try? I don't know how to explain. How did you know you had chemistry, I guess?"
"Chemistry not involved in make attachments. Mechanics."
"No, I mean...argh," Grace yanked at his hair and slid up the foam roller until it was under his back and his head could bonk down on the floor.
"Grace watch out for skull! Brains all soft in there like egg!" Rocky trilled. "Grace barely have enough brains without damage ones he have!"
Grace rolled his eyes. "I just mean, how did you know you liked Adrian that way?"
"How know if not try?" Rocky sounded genuinely exasperated. "Stupid question. Try is how know. You meet Eridian, Eridian interesting, maybe good singer, maybe good scientist. Ask if want to try."
"And you're all...you all...fit? Together?" Grace's voice got so high on the word "fit" he worried Rocky may not understand. Or even worse, he would understand, and a graphic puppet show would ensue.
"Rocky explain, Eridians not like humans. All same."
"But you aren't different...sizes?"
"Yes, but different sizes not matter. Change attachment. Make something new. No big deal, expression." No big deal had become one of Rocky's favorite phrases.
""What if you try and it doesn't work?"
"If not work first time, try again. If not work second time, try third time. If not work third time, say goodbye, not work. Experiment failed. No big deal."
Grace had been through enough of Rocky's tantrums to know that he was not so blasé about his scientific experiments failing, but he let it go.
"So how humans pick partner?"
"Well, sexually speaking, I guess a lot of humans go off of looks," said Grace. "Physical appearance."
"Physical appearance!" Rocky was scandalized. "No good. Bad variable. Tell you nothing. Have to run experiment. Have to try."
"Well, yeah," said Grace, enjoying the feeling of the foam roller up and down his back, of his quads flexing after his squats. "But remember, we're very visual creatures. A lot of earth creatures are. We look at other people's faces, and bodies. You know, certain humans really like certain parts of other humans' bodies, you know. Visually."
"So just physical appearance, question?
"Movements, I guess? Sounds?" said Grace, now feeling like he was headed to Planet Earth bird of paradise mating ritual territory.
"Eridians listen sounds too. Part of sex. Important part. Movements too." Rocky let out a long trill, the sound of a sudden scientific breakthrough.
"Grace want try have sex with Rocky?"
This time the head bonk was not so light. The foam roller slipped clean out from under Grace as he lost his balance.
"Grace! Skull! Brain!"
"I'm sorry, it's not every day I get propositioned by my alien best friend!" said Grace, not moving from his spot on the floor.
"What mean proposition?"
"Ask...try...sex..." said Grace, rubbing the back of his head and aware he was blushing furiously. "You can't just ask me if I want to have sex with you."
"Why not?" said Rocky. He hadn't even looked up from his xeno-knitting.
"It's taboo in our culture," said Grace.
"Grace always say taboo if not want to talk about something, Rocky not believe Grace," said Rocky. "Rocky think Grace special awkward about sex for no reason. If Grace not want to try, just say no."
"What about Adrian?"
"Grace welcome to ask Adrian to try when get to Erid but probably Adrian not want to try at first. Have to get used to Grace. Disgust."
"Wait a minute," said Grace, his outrage pulling him upright, "why do you even want to try having sex with me if you think I'm so gross?"
"Not disgust to Rocky! Not anymore. Now Rocky love Grace. Different when love Grace. Now Rock like shape of Grace."
Grace's breath caught. Rocky could be arrogant, and grumpy, and bossy. But no one had ever loved Grace this much or said it so freely, until he'd met Rocky.
Grace cleared his throat. "I like the shape of you too, Rock."
"All I mean is, try sex when love someone, very different."
"That's the same for humans, you know," said Grace. "Sex is different when we love someone."
"Love improve very much."
"Yeah." Grace crawled over to Rocky's work space and leaned his back against the xenonite wall, tapping a few times. At first he'd been a little worried that the new xenonite suit would mean the end of what was left of his personal space. But now he was counting down the days until it was done. He didn't want to hug Rocky through the ball anymore. "But that's what I mean, Rock. You love Adrian, you can't spend the next three years trying out crazy sexual experiments with your new alien pet."
"Grace not pet!" said Rocky. "No try sex with pet, disgust! Ugh, Grace, disgust! Rocky know humans have pet just like Eridians. Rocky watch White Fang! Rocky watch Hidalgo! Watch Up! No try with pet, ugh!"
Rocky had rigged up his monitor reader so that he could watch movies, and now he did nothing in his free time but trawl Stratt's never-ending media library. White Fang. Deep cut.
"Okay, fine, but still, how's your mate going to feel-"
"Oh right, yes, human culture. Leave mate for younger human, hurt feelings. Rocky watch First Wives Club. Rocky understand. Eridians not same. Adrian always trying. Adrian like to try more than Rocky. Rocky prefer work. Adrian better work life balance than Rocky. Also before Rocky only love Adrian, Rocky 'one woman guy,' expression question? Except Adrian not woman, Rocky not guy."
"'One woman, one guy,' then what about me?" Grace said.
"Rocky just explain, Rocky love Grace! Literally just explain! So why not try? And Grace love Rocky too. Rocky bet Grace not try with anyone if not love, Rocky know Grace. Rocky love Grace, Grace love Rocky, one day Adrian probably love Grace too once meet Grace, Grace definitely love Adrian once meet Adrian. No problem."
"What, and then we all have some kind of engineered-sex toy-threesome?" said Grace, voice rising in indignation.
"Raised voices detected," announced Mary. "Please, initiate conflict resolution techniques."
"Ugh, what new word now, what 'threesome'?"
"When three people have sex at once."
"THREE AT ONCE?" Rocky screeched. Of all the things Grace had told Rocky about Earth, he had never heard him sound so utterly horrified.
"Or more, even," said Grace, pressing the advantage. "Four. Or more! Gangbangs!"
"What 'gangbang'?" pleaded Rocky, hands twisting in shock.
"One human, try sex with many humans. One after another. Many at once," said Grace, enjoying Rocky's groan of abject disgust. He couldn't handle it anymore—he started laughing.
"Grace joke," said Rocky, in tones of desperation. "Gangbang not real. Bad human joke."
Grace wiped his eyes and turned to sit cross-legged with his knees against the xenonite. "Not joke. But not common. Pretty taboo, actually. Talking about sex is kind of taboo, unless with you're with friends. But gangbang extra taboo."
"So Grace not try gangbang," said Rocky cautiously.
"Grace not try gangbang," said Grace. "Grace also only like to have sex with people Grace love."
"Ok, so, Grace think about it, maybe try. Rocky start working on some things. Amaze, amaze, amaze, if Grace want try, Adrian be so impressed. Adrian always ask Rocky, 'why Rocky no try, new singer visit from other Eridian city, new engineer, very interesting, why not try?' But Rocky get last laugh, expression, Rocky try sex with Grace friend alien who save Erid, Adrian going to be amaze. Try with Grace worth try with V++ Eridians."
"Do you just want to have sex with me to impress your mate?" said Grace, only half kidding.
"No, statement!" said Rocky "No. Rocky want try because Rocky love Grace. Also Rocky responsible for Grace, want take care of Grace. Grace not take care of self. Rocky good at sex. Good for Grace, like exercise. Good for bones."
"You want to fuck me because it's good for my bones," said Grace.
"Ooh, what word that, Rocky like sound of that!" Rocky waved his hands in enthusiasm.
"Don't say it a lot," said Grace. "Bad word."
"Bad word," said Rocky, clearly relishing it. "Fuck. What mean?"
"I'll tell you later," said Grace. "It's gonna be relevant. To this whole discussion."
"No later," said Rocky, "Rocky look up on human internet. So what think Grace, try have sex Rocky? Will need do science, need make attachments. Human-Eridian sex, probably lot of work. Rocky cannot touch Grace. Last time Rocky touch Grace, Grace hurt."
"Hey," said Grace, holding up his arm so the shiny scars caught the light, then pressing the skin against the xenonite enclosure. "Worth it, pal. Best scar I've ever had." Rocky tapped the glass three times against Grace's arm.
"Worth Rocky injuries too," said Rocky. Grace let his forehead thunk against the glass, and Rocky did the same with carapace.
"You're the best friend I've ever had, Rock," said Grace. "I don't want to mess it up with some crazy sexual experiment, just because you're bored."
"Rocky not bored," said Rocky. "Well, yes, Rocky going to get very bored. Grace very bored. But that not why try sex. Rocky love Grace, Grace love Rocky, first Eridian human friends in history, why not try? And if not good, no big deal. Still best friends. Not complicated."
"Sometimes it's complicated for humans," said Grace. "It's been complicated for me, you know. In the past."
"Grace not like any human ever live," said Rocky. "Grace special human. But if Grace not want to try, not important. And if we try and not work, no big deal."
"I thought we gotta try three times," said Grace.
"For good experiment, yes," said Rocky.
"I'm gonna...go...clean up," said Grace, tapping the glass one more time and rising to his feet. "This conversation was weird. I gotta think."
"Think about it as long as Grace want," said Rocky. "We have time."
Just before Grace closed the bathroom door, which he kept shut more for his own sanity than for real privacy, Rocky called, "Wait! Grace! One more thing statement!"
"Yeah Rock?" said Grace, looking around the door at his friend.
"Grace not tell Adrian about threesomes when get to Erid. Adrian crazy. Adrian try anything. Rocky cannot handle."
"I won't tell Adrian about threesomes."
"Or gangbang." Rocky gave a visible shudder. "Please."
"No gangbangs." He rubbed his forearm at Rocky, who returned the greeting.
"Grace clean. Grace think. Rocky finish suit. Will need if try sex."
Grace shut the door to the sound of Rocky humming cheerfully as he knit.