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Yuming’s chest rose and fell steadily as he faced the man who filled the entirety of his heart and mind under the pale moonlight.
How was it always night time when they came face to face?
Yuming couldn’t remember the last time he saw Kezhou’s face in the light of day. He wasn’t sure he wanted to remember. Because if he really put his mind to it he might find the memory drenched in blood.
“I’m starting to think you go our of your way to break nine chapters just to see me,” Yuming quipped bitterly.
Kezhou straightened. He grasped the hilt of his sword with both hands and pointed it downward as if ready to plunge it into the spongy soil hosting the swaying grasses surrounding them for miles.
“That’s exactly what I’ve been doing, shixiong,” Kezhou spoke plainly without a hint of humor or irony.
Yuming was taken aback. His mouth felt dry and his heartbeat quickened in his chest.
In some ways, Yuming didn’t recognize the serious, confident man before him. The Kezhou he’d known was brash, reckless, and cocky. Not a day went by where Yuming wasn’t cleaning up after some mess birthed from Kezhou’s thoughtlessness.
He’d heard rumors, of course. The legendary king of the drifters. A man who could take down an army of Bian without ever removing his sword from its sheath. A man equal parts feared and revered. He was called a hero, a demon, a revolutionary, and a leader.
Though he’d never admit it aloud, he actively sought those rumors out. His days were spent in silence, a ghost amongst the people he’d dedicated himself to protect. It was easy to over hear conversations when your presence was always cloaked.
Regardless of how many stories Yuming heard, he just couldn’t square them away with the version of Kezhou that lived in his memories.
But the Kezhou before him was rapidly merging the two realities into one. The confident stance, clear eyes and steady voice spoke to his maturity. But there was more, remnants of Yuming’s Kezhou hiding beneath the surface.
Kezhou’s clothing was speckled with small tears all messily repaired. His belts tangled with each other messily, his leg wraps were done incorrectly, reversing half way up his calf as if he’d been distracted then returned to the task absent mindedly.
Bruises and cuts unbefitting a fighter of his caliber marred his skin. Hits he’d allowed to gain the upper hand with little regard to his own safety. Even his hair, chopped messily in a manner that led Yuming to believe it’d be severed by a sword intended for Kezhou’s neck.
“You’re risking your life to force me out? To force me to kill you?” Yuming infused anger in his words, but it fell flat. Kezhou was cruel, this was undeniable. But the cruelty was all in the pursuit of their reunion.
“You can’t kill me,” Shixiong,” Kezhou grinned at Yuming, oblivious to the storm brewing in Yuming’s head.
The pull of the nine chapters was so strong it made him sick. He could feel it calling in the back of his mind, crying out for Kezhou’s head. But Yuming couldn’t move an inch. His spear hung at his side, battle ready but inert.
“I have never lost to you, Kezhou.”
Kezhou laughed, “Who said anything about losing?”
Rage and fondness battled for control of Yuming’s tongue. In the end, he chose silence.
Kezhou seemed unsurprised by Yuming’s lack of a response. He took a step forward, his blade slipping from his fingers and thudding into the earth’s waiting embrace.
Yuming’s heart pounded in his chest, it rose into his throat and turned to a roar in his ears. He wanted to cry out, to demand Kezhou pick up his blade and defend himself. He wanted to tell Kezhou to run.
Kezhou took another step, then another. As Kezhou grew closer and closer Yuming remained frozen in place. He could feel the fierce expression he’d perfected as a Magistrate falling to something softer, something vulnerable.
It wasn’t until Kezhou’s hand fell over Yuming’s on his spear that he realized the other man had reached him.
Gently, with patience and softness Yuming hadn’t thought the other capable of, Kezhou slipped Yuming’s spear out of his hand. Instead of lifting it to his defense, he cast it aside just as he had his own blade.
Yuming was helpless as Kezhou wound an arm around his waist and pulled him into a tight embrace. Kezhou breathed in heavily then sighed against Yuming’s neck.
“I’ve missed you, Shixiong.”
Yuming made a soft, strangled noise in the back of his throat and nodded shakily. He couldn’t say the words but Kezhou heard them all the same.
Kezhou pressed a soft kiss into the crook of Yuming’s neck and Yuming felt a thrum of something familiar running down his spine. Something he’d been forced to bury when he turned his back on the drifters. Something he told himself he had no right to feel.
Despite Yuming’s stiff, nonresponse, Kezhou’s affections continued. His hands wandered, sliding up Yuming’s back, fingers tracing his muscles through his shirt. They stopped when they wrapped under his arms and around his shoulders.
“Why, Shixiong?” Kezhou whispered mournfully. Yuming could feel Kezhou’s breath on his neck. It tickled and burned any bare skin it reached.
The question hung in the air, an amalgamation of every why that Kezhou could have asked.
Why did you betray us?
Why did you abandon the drifters?
Why do you avoid us even now?
Why did you leave?
Why did you leave me?
Each question’s weight compounded into the single word. They held a weight that Yuming couldn’t bear. He collapsed forward into Kezhou’s waiting embrace. His shoulders shook with silent, tearless sobs. Emotions he’d been forbidden from even considering spilled out, a damn bursting under weight that’d been building for centuries.
And the worst thing?
The harshest, cruelest thing?
The Nine Chapters did not relent.
They did not withdraw their command even as their Magistrate lay defenseless in a criminal’s arms. They stood steady, urging him to act. Pulling on his strings tight enough to strangle him.
Their strings had never been strong enough to prevent his traitorous mercy.
That was the worst part.
Yuming defected, abandoned, betrayed, and he didn’t even have the decency to be a good Magistrate.
“Do you still sleep under the stars?” Yuming’s voice came out flat. Heartless.
”How could I? You always said I’d catch my death. There’s no need for me to add to your worries.”
Yuming’s lip quivered.
“I-” Yuming’s voice cracked. He swallowed and tried again, only managing a whisper, “I want you to stargaze.”
Kezhou nodded against Yuming’s neck. He peppered a few kisses there then began shifting them both downward. Yuming followed Kezhou’s hold bonelessly.
Kezhou lowered Yuming’s pliant body into the swaying reeds. He cupped the back of Yuming’s neck, supporting and protecting his head. Kezhou hovered over Yuming as he laid him down. He looked perfectly at home, up there with the stars.
How much time had passed for Kezhou’s beauty to have grown this much?
Before Yuming could properly appreciate the other man, framed with a halo of stars, he fell to his back beside him.
“You never wanted to look at the stars with me, shixiong,” Kezhou’s tone was light, teasing, but Yuming could feel the underlying accusation.
Yuming didn’t bother defending himself. He knew his sins better than anyone else. Instead he offered a confirmation, “It was…thoughtless of me to refuse.”
Kezhou rolled to his side and propped his head up on his hand. He reached out to trace the back of Yuming’s hands, which he’d rested atop his chest unconsciously, “No time like the present!”
Some things never change. Kezhou’s shiny disposition was one of those things. It made Yuming feel…content. Layers of battle scars and shorter hair couldn’t change the fact that this was his Kezhou.
“Do you still-” Yuming caught the shine of Kezhou’s eyes in the darkness, he averted his gaze and continued, “-still read about the constellations.”
“You remembered!” Kezhou sighed as if relieved. As if Yuming could’ve scrubbed a single second of their time together out of his soul.
“Of course, it’s the only thing you’d read aside from books on swordsmanship.”
Kezhou pouted, Yuming couldn’t see his face but he could feel it in the change of tension in his silhouette. Kezhou fell onto his back again and sighed dramatically, “I’ll have you know, I read a lot these days.”
Yuming had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing, “Really now?
“Keep making fun of me and I’ll have to get my sword!”
What should’ve been a light hearted jab, words they’d spoken countless times before, landed now with more weight behind it. It knocked the wind out of the conversation. Silence stretched out between them until Kezhou muttered ‘sorry’.
“They write stories about you, you know.”
Yuming did know. Though he’d tried his best not to know. It was better, easier to be ignorant of how the people viewed him. He told himself it was to maintain objectivity. But in truth it only helped to spare him some guilt. He couldn’t bear to hear a child asking their mother why he’d taken their father’s life. Especially when he couldn’t even explain it to himself.
“There’s a tale I’ve heard-- They say a woman fell for you, shixiong.”
Yuming’s eyes widened but he didn’t dare turn to see Kezhou’s expression.
“They say she pursued you, chased you and badgered you trying to win your affections.”
Please! Who would seek out a monster to warm their bed?
Subconsciously, Yuming’s hand twitched towards Kezhou at the thought. He dug his nails into the soil, resisting the instinct.
“And,” Kezhou added, softer and more vulnerable, “They say she nearly won your heart.”
“Nearly?” Yuming asked, unsure if he was actually curious or if he just wanted more of Kezhou’s pleasantly deep voice.
“In an act of desperation-- without realizing that the love she coveted was already at her fingertips --she transgressed against the nine chapters.”
Yuming laughed humorlessly. It was quite the tale, filled with drama and irony. A beautiful tale to remind all the young ladies of Huaxu not to over step when trying to win over their love.
“They say you killed her without remorse."
That froze Yuming. It made sense, reinforced the mortality of the tale and reminded the people that magistrates were beyond their reach. But the thought of Kezhou hearing that… Of Kezhou holding that in his heart as Yuming held his spear at his throat… It made Yuming sick.
“I told them it was rubbish,” Kezhou clicked his tongue in annoyance, “Then I taught that snake tongued ‘story teller’ a lesson. It took a dozen Bian to force me away.”
Reckless as always. Boasting about breaking the nine chapters and fighting Bian right in front of a magistrate.
“You shouldn’t be telling me this,” Yuming said softly. Humor bled into his words, softening the otherwise harsh reprimand.
“You should be doing something about it,” Kezhou countered.
“I should,” Yuming agreed.
But instead of reaching for his spear, Yuming knit his fingers together and stared up at the stars. What had Kezhou’s favorite constellation been when they were children? The sweeping blade, was it? A constellation said to be the remnants of a sword a god once used to cleave apart earth and heaven.
“Are you still asking auntie to make you a flying device so you can pull the sweeping blade from the sky?” Yuming teased, hoping to smother the blaze of the nine chapters inside him, calling for absolution.
“Shixiong!” Kezho whined, punching Yuming’s shoulder, “I was just a kid back then!”
“You were old enough to spar with me.”
“And you’re old enough now to let go of petty childhood grudges.”
“Grudges?” Yuming asked, “You think I held a grudge against you?”
Kezhou sat up again and shook his head. His hair pulled across his collarbone with the motion. Yuming’s eyes lingered a little too long on Kezhou’s exposed skin.
“I know what you thought of me back then.”
Yuming opened his mouth, ready to defend himself before Kezhou finished the thought.
“Shifu told me the first time he saw you smile was when I agreed to become your shidi.”
That old trixter! Even in death he was finding ways to mock Yuming.
“Shixiong,” Kezhou’s face was closer than Yuming realized. His soft breath fanned out against Yuming’s cheek. Yuming remained stock still, waiting for Kezhou’s next move. Kezhou leaned in even closer, “You have always been just as precious to me.”
Kezhou hesitated as he ducked down for a kiss. When Yuming made no move to retreat, he knew to take it as an invitation.
They’d grown up together, fought together and even mourned together. They could read each other as easily as they could feel their own thoughts.
It had been an eternity since they’d last embraced each other like this. As with most of Yuming’s former life, the last time felt blurry. Had it been a soft comforting kiss, wet with tears shed for their shifu and shimei? Or had it been passionate, born of late night arguments right before Yuming left?
Regardless of what it had been in the past, now it was slow and reassuring. He pressed into Yuming, shared his warmth and pinned him down. It felt like Kezhou was making a promise.
I’ve kept your bed roll right next to mine. All you have to do is brush away the dust and you can return to my side.
But Yuming knew he couldn’t return. Nothing could ever be the same. Because Yuming failed. First he failed Kezhou, Buxia, and Shifu. Failed to save Shifu, failed to stop Buxia until it was far too late, failed Kezhou by losing the two most important people in his life. Then he failed Kezhou by leaving.
Yuming’s expression twisted as Kezhou sweetly pressed his lips against his. He reached up and grasped the back of Kezhou’s neck, pulled Kezhou in harshly. He nipped at Kezhou’s bottom lip, desperate to excise some of the painful violence simmering inside his chest.
As always, Kezhou understood Yuming’s silence perfectly. His firm, gentle arms wrapped around Yuming and drew him closer. He didn’t match Yuming’s fire, instead languidly returning Yuming’s kisses with slow kisses of his own. He smiled as Yuming continued biting his lips.
Kezhou rose over Yuming and pressed him into the ground. His body weight worked to ground Yuming in the present and drown out the incessant hum of the nine chapters. Yuming clutched at Kezhou’s clothes as if Kezhou were the only life raft in the middle of a raging storm.
In a way, Yuming felt like he was drowning.
In a way, he wanted to be.
When Yuming parted his lips to release Kezhou’s lower lip from yet another overtly harsh bite, Kezhou used it as an opportunity to slide his tongue into Yuming’s mouth. He kissed the way he wielded a sword, firm, confident, and unpredictable.
His tongue danced across the roof of Yuming’s mouth, making Yuming shiver with pleasure. He cupped the back of Yuming’s neck and used the leverage to delve deeper into Yuming’s mouth with his tongue.
Kezhou overwhelmed all of Yuming’s senses, possessed him so thoroughly there was no room for ‘duty’ or ‘justice’.
There was only Yuming.
Only Kezhou.
Only us.
Giddy greed welled up inside of Yuming. Desire’s he tried so hard to suppress when he decided to become a magistrate. They’d only ever been covered with a sheet, not truly packed away. He could always see their outline but he couldn’t bring himself to obscure them any further.
Kezhou’s knee slotted between Yuming’s thighs. He shifted forward and pressed the heavily muscled appendage against Yuming’s rapidly hardening cock.
“Kezhou,” Yuming breathed, eyes fluttering shut as a familiar coil began twisting in his stomach.
“Yes,” Kezhou panted innocently between kisses, “Yes, shixiong?”
“You can’t,” Yuming shook his head, breaking away from their kiss. His lips felt numb and swollen.
“Obviously I can, shixiong.” Kezhou quipped, lightly kissing Yuming’s temple, “Look,” He invited.
Yuming wouldn’t fall for it. He kept his eyes screwed shut. His resolve crumbled the moment he felt Kezhou’s breath against his sweat-slicked lips. His neck stretched as he surged upwards to claim Kezhou’s lips again.
Kezhou splayed a hand across the center of Yuming’s chest and pushed him away gently. Yuming whined softly in the back of his throat. Kezhou clicked his tongue, “Now, now, shixiong, you just said I can’t.”
“Obviously I-” Yuming cut himself off, biting his lip and staring up at Kezhou through barely parted eyelids.
“Obviously you what, shixiong?” Kezhou’s hand traced down Yuming’s shirt, pausing above his belt and pressing down into the supple flesh of his stomach.
Yuming arched into the touch, trying to twist in such a way as to get Kezhou’s tough where he wanted it.
“Use your words, shixiong.” Kezhou teased.
Frustrated beyond words, Yuming reached up and knotted his hands in Kezhou’s hair. He briefly mourned the portion that’d been lost in some battle before using his hold to yank Kezhou’s head back.
Despite Kezhou’s hiss of pain, Yuming could see arousal burning in Kezhou’s eyes.
We’re really doing this…
Yuming pulled Kezhou back down into a passionate kiss. Then he pulled away after one more violent bite and breathed out, “I need you.”
That’s all Yuming ever needed to say. The words Kezhou drew out of him time and time again. The closest thing Yuming ever got to truly expressing the burning, soul deep desire he held for the other man.
Kezhou slid his hands under Yuming’s waist and hauled Yuming into his lap. Due to their similar proportions,Yuming hand to hunch over to kiss Kezhou. And he did, hands greedily running down Kezhou’s back and lips working in sync with Kezhou’s.
One of Kezhou’s hands snuck up Yuming’s leg. It crept under Yuming’s bixi and sought the seam between either leg of his ku. When he found it he readily pushed through to grasp the bare skin beneath.
He lay the flat of his hand right above Yuming’s pelvis and pressed down. The pressure, so close to where Yuming desired it, felt tortuous and heavenly at the same time. Yuming’s eyes rolled into the back of his hand and his breath caught in his throat.
“Say please, shixiong,” Kezhou whispered before nipping at the shell of Yuming’s ear.
“Please.”
Kezhou, pleased with his shixiong’s obedience, slid his hand down to cup Yuming’s cock. His rough fingers caged the pulsing length and gently compressed it. Yuming couldn’t help bucking up into the contact. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from moaning and Kezhou sighed in disappointment.
Callused fingers wrapped around Yuming’s weeping cock. The gripped the shaft tightly and slowly stroked upwards. When Kezhou’s hand reached the top his thumb shot out to brush against the slit. Precum coated the digit. The tip was weeping so much it spread to other fingers, lubricating everything so the next stroke was deliciously smooth.
Yuming gasped against Kezhou’s hair and rolled his hips again.
“Me too, Shixiong.”
It was beautiful, the way Kezhou could read him even when words refused to come. He didn’t need to say ‘it’s so good’ or ‘I missed you’ or ‘I’m sorry’ because Kezhou knew. Kezhou always knew.
At some point, Kezhou had freed his own aching member from the confines of his hyperborean styled trousers. Kezhou pressed his length against Yuming’s tightly and stroked them together.
Yuming bucked into the tantalizing heat. The feeling of Kezhou’s arousal pulsing through his cock fed into a feedback loop of unimaginable pleasure. Kezhou grunted softly as Yuming reached down to layer his hand over Kezhou’s.
The two men shakily grasped their cocks together and worked them from tip to base. Each stroke and thrust brought them both closer to the edge.
In the soft moonlight, Yuming could see Kezhou tensing his jaw in an attempt to stave off his own release. Kezhou had always been the more excitable of the two, though what he lacked in restraint he more than made up for in stamina. If he were to reach his climax early he always managed to rise again seconds later, eager to rejoin Yuming.
This night was different. There would be no second chances. Both men could feel it. It thrummed between them, tangled in the net of unspoken words they should have been sharing.
“I- ah -I,” Yuiming panted as he arched into Kezhou’s touch.
Kezhou nodded, remaining silent for once as both of them found their release together. Yuming finished with strangled breaths and a choked off moan. Kezhou made a soft, high pitched noise that vibrated in the back of his throat.
When they were done both men fell limp against one another. They tangled their limbs together, held each other so tight one might think they were about to lose one another. Truth was they already had.
They stayed like that, entangled and panting together until Kezhou began drifting to sleep. As soon as Yuming felt Kezhou’s breathing change he began the slow task of untangling himself from Kezhou’s iron grasp.
After extracting himself Yuming allowed himself a second to watch his beloved’s serene sleeping expression. Kezhou looked best like this, relaxed, unburdened, free.
Kezhou reached out and pawed at the space Yuming had just been occupying. A soft line formed between his eyebrows as they furrowed in confusion. Yuming couldn’t help himself from bending down to press a kiss between Kezhou’s brows, smoothing away his concern.
Yuming stood and looked around the empty clearing. He couldn’t sense any other souls near them. But he couldn’t stop himself from drawing Kezhou into his arms and carrying him to an outcropping of rock where he could rest safely until morning.
Without looking back, Yuming let himself be swallowed by the night.