Chapter Text
The bell rang and everyone began packing up their stuff in a rush and Mirei was no different, packing her bag but didn’t rush like anyone else, no point in possibly breaking a nail or two just to be the first one out of class. Mirei trailed out after all the other students, checking her phone as she did so but the clearing of Oka-sensei’s throat as she moved to the front of the classroom gave her a small amount of pause in her step but didn’t get her to look up from her phone, though that didn’t stop the teacher from speaking.
“Wakaba-chan didn’t come to school, so could you deliver her homework to her?” Oka-sensei asked. Mirei rolled her eyes as she passed by said teacher’s desk.
“Ask someone else, I have plans,” Mirei bluntly remarked. She barely got to the door before Oka-sensei was suddenly in her face, giving her the sternest glare she had ever seen on the teacher. It was more than a little surprising and caused Mirei to blink a few times as the teacher frowned.
“I know you haven’t been nice to Wakaba-chan in the past and while I have done my best to get you to get you to stop, it seems like that hasn’t been enough,” Oka-sensei rambled. Mirei merely pouted and turned her cheek to her teacher while she continued speaking. “So! I want you to use this chance to do something nice for Wakaba-chan to make up for all your past misdeeds against her!” Oka-sensei declared. Mirei sighed and waved her hand idly.
“Pass,” Mirei remarked. Oka-sensei’s frown returned and grew deeper, but Mirei didn’t really care. Why should she be nice to the egotistical Queen of Heishin High School. It wasn’t like she even paid attention to her ‘lowly’ subjects. Wakaba just ignored everyone and flatly refused all the boys that tried to ask her out. Someone like that didn’t deserve her kindness.
“Well then I suppose you’ll enjoy coming to summer detention. All. Summer. Long!” Oka-sensei declared with a smile. Mirei's eyes twitched at the declaration while Oka-sensei just continued smiling.
“Just give me the homework,” Mirei muttered. Oka-sensei nodded happily before picking up Wakaba’s homework off her desk and handing it to Mirei. The brown haired girl snatched it out of her teacher’s hand. “I’ll just toss the homework when I get outside, then I can go meet up with the girls at the mall,” Mirei thought to herself.
“And don’t just throw away the homework! If Wakaba-chan doesn’t have it when she comes to school tomorrow, you’ll be getting that summer detention!” Oka-sensei declared. Mirei made a small ‘tch’ noise and Oka-sensei just gave her a knowing look of disappointment. “Now, off you go! That homework isn’t going to deliver itself!” Oka-sensei stated as she motioned for Mirei to leave.
“What a waste of my time,” Mirei muttered to herself while she moved out of the classroom. What did she deserve to have this boring task thrust upon her? Mirei was just trying to bring Wakaba down to everyone else's level, instead of having her continue acting like she was better than everyone else.
Whatever, she just had to get it over with. Better that than summer long detention, even if it did mean helping out Wakaba of all people.
Mirei was already fairly annoyed by the series of events that lead her to arriving at Wakaba’s apartment door, but Mirei grew even more annoyed by the fact that no one was answering the damn door. It was ridiculous! She knew the Queen herself didn’t come to school, but the least she could do was answer the door! Mirei’s face scrunched up in displeasure before she knocked on the door again.
“Come on Wakaba-chan, I’m not in the mood to be kept waiting!” Mirei raised her voice, but didn’t quite shout, no point in straining her voice for Wakaba of all people. Not like it really mattered, since the only answer she received was continued silence. “Oh come on,” Mirei muttered. The brown haired girl reached out for the door handle, intent on jiggling and seeing if that helped get Wakaba’s attention. “Oppen the do-” Mirei fell silent as the handle clicked open and the door opened with a faint creaking noise. Mirei stared in disbelief before taking a tentative step into the apartment. She took in the sight of the orderly, if not a little dusty, living room that looked like it hadn’t been touched or decorated since the owner moved in. As she continued to stare, curiosity got the better of Mirei and she stepped fully into the apartment and caught sight of a pair of loose shoes by the entrance. The girl’s eyes then moved to the kitchen where they found a sink full of dirty bowls, pots and eating utensils. There was a single bowl on the counter, filled with what looked like a few ramen noodles. Mirei turned her noose up at the sight of it. Of course Wakaba ate instant roman and still managed to stay that healthy. Mirei let a sigh fall from her lips before she spoke again.
“Wakaba-san! Your door was unlocked, so I’m just going to leave your homework on the counter!” Mirei called out. As she began to place the piece of paper on the counter, she heard something clatter to the ground from down the hallway past the kitchen. Mirei grew agitated at the noise. Of course Wakaba was just ignoring her like always! The paper in Mirei’s hand crumbled as her boiling rage began to steam out of her. The brown haired girl marched toward the hall and the moment her eyes looked down she found a light peaking out from a slightly open doorway half way down the hall. Mirei found her way to the open door and didn’t hesitate to throw it open, the door crashing against the wall as she did so. Mirei opened her mouth to say something, probably to berate Wakaba for causing her to miss out on her girl’s outing with her friends, to yell at her for not answering the door, or maybe she was going to yell at her about everything and anything until she felt satisfied.
However, all those ideas fell out of her head as she stared at the sight in front of her.
There was Hiiro Wakaba sitting in her bath filled with murky reddish water as blood ran down her scar covered left arm from a cut on her shoulder. Mirei’s eyes then trailed down to the ground and found a bloody silver razor on the ground. The brown haired girl’s eyes didn’t linger there long before they found their way to Wakaba’s face and found her wide reddish brown eyes staring at her from behind her black gangers. Mirei’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she simply backed away from the doorway and turned away from the sight in front of her.
Without a single word uttered to Wakaba, Mirei walked down the wally, idly tossing the black haired girl’s homework onto her kitchen counter, before making her way towards the door. Mirei paused in front of the half open door, not knowing what she was supposed to do in this situation. Should she call the emergency line? Tell Oka-sensei what she had seen? Just ignore it and make Wakaba figure it out herself?
Mirei wanted to scream as the thoughts flew through her mind while she just stood there in front of the door. Why did she have to be put in this situation!? Why did Oka-sensei have to choose today of all days to punish her for her treatment of Wakaba!? Why couldn't she just have told Natsume or Shun or someone else to handle it!? What had she done to deserve this frustrating situation!? And why did she feel like a pit was opening up in her stomach!?
Mirei was brought out her spiraling thoughts when she caught movement at the edge of her vision. The brown haired girl’s head snapped towards the hallways and she found a slightly scared looking Wakaba standing there. Her hair was wrapped up in a towel, leaving her face exposed (which was an odd sight for Mirei), meanwhile the rest of her body was covered by a fluffy pink bathrobe of all things. The sight itself knocked Mirei for a bit of a loop because seeing the usually so cool beauty of her class dressed up in something so cute was jarring to say the least. But those feelings didn’t last long as Mirei noticed Wakaba rubbing her left arm. Mirei looked back at the door, considering just leaving again. At the end of the day, it wasn’t her business and it certainly wasn’t her fault that Wakaba had done something like… that.
Despite thinking that, the pit in Mirei’s stomach refused to go away.
So going against her better judgment, Mirei shut the door to Wakaba’s apartment before fully turning back to the other girl. Without her bangs covering her face, Mirei finally got a good look at Wakaba’s face and found it oddly expressive. While Mirei was only used to seeing a piercing stare that seemed to look straight through her at school, now with her face completely uncovered, Wakaba looked kind of… embarrassed? Really she was embarrassed!?
“What the hell is wrong with you!?” Mirei shouted. Her voice echoed through the apartment and Wakaba ducked back into the hallway only letting one of her eyes peek out as her face seemed to grow more red. “Who does something like that to their own body!?” Mirei questioned. Wakaba’s visible eye trailed to left arm before they flicked back up to stare at Mirei again, that same wide eyed stare of embarrassment on her face. “If there was any time for you to start speaking, now would be a good time,” Mirei frustratingly pointed out. Wakaba looked around her apartment, clearly trying to find an out which only made Mirei madder. The brown haired girl stomped over Wakaba, which seemed to be the wrong move as the other girl darted down the hallway. However ‘darted’ would be a pretty bad way to describe the way Wakaba stumbled down the hallway. Mirei easily was able to catch up to her before she made it to the room at the end of the hallway, grabbing the girl by her right arm (not her left, she was never touching that one again). Wakaba tried to struggle free, but the girl was literally all skin and bones, not a hint of muscle on her entire body. Meanwhile Mirei actually did some exercise to keep herself looking this good.
“I’m not leaving until you explain yourself,” Mirei demanded… Not that she really had a right to demand that, but this feeling in her stomach would just not go away and it was making her feel sick. So if getting Wakaba to explain why she did this, maybe it would help the feeling go away. “So just use your words and explain,” Mirei stated. Instead of complying with Mirei’s demands, Wakaba shook her head. Why was she being so diffi-
Mirei blinked her eyes as Wakaba pointed to the door at the end of the hall while nodding her head towards it. Mirei looked between Wakaba and the door before quickly parsing what the girl was trying to explain.
“Do you have something in there that will explain?” Mirei questioned. Wakaba nodded vigorously and Mirei released her grip on the other girl and Wakaba used the opportunity to rush towards the door and Mirei followed behind her. The black haired girl noticed Mirei’s approach and turned around and held up both her hands in a stopping motion. Mirei let out a huff of irritation. “Come on, are you going to explain or not?” Mirei asked. Wakaba nodded but still waved her hands in her continued stopping motion when Mirei tried to approach the door again. “Fine! I won’t go into the room, geez,” Mirei stated in exasperation. That seemed to calm Wakaba’s fussing and the girl turned around and quickly tucked herself in the room, making to shut the door before Mirei got a glimpse inside, not that she really could since it was completely pitch black in the room.
For a minute or two, Mirei just stood outside the door to what was probably Wakaba’s room. The only thing she heard was the sound of faint rustling and the opening and closing of draws before everything fell silent for a solid minute. Mirei was growing annoyed again, so much so that it was beginning to eclipse the feeling still prevalent in her stomach. However her annoyance faded when the door opened a crack and Wakaba’s arm shot out, holding a small hard covered black book. Mirei stared at it, expecting Wakaba to fully leave the room herself, but in the end Wakaba lightly waved the book a little. Mirei got the message and stepped forward grabbing the book out of Wakaba’s hand before watching the other girl’s arm disappear behind the door but was quickly replaced by Wakaba’s eye peeking out from the small crack she left in the door. Mirei rolled her eyes, finding the black haired girl’s actions utterly ridiculous. Nevertheless Mirei flicked open the book and blinked at what she found.
March 30th
I can’t believe auntie is making me go to public school this year! What’s wrong with being homeschooled anyways!? I’m learning just fine on my own, thank you very much!
Mirei's eyes trialed down the page further from there and well… the ramblings for the single date covered the entire page and the next page as well. Though Mirei was a little surprised that Wakaba had given her what looked to be her dairy of all things. Mirei certainly wouldn’t have given someone who bullies her one of her most personal items… Though the insight into Wakaba's brain was beyond interesting. She had expected the girl to be short on words when it came to writing, but it was now very obvious to Mirei that while Wakaba may be verbally silent, her mind seemed to run a mile a minute if her dairy was any indication.
Mirei looked back at Wakaba and found her jiggling the door slightly, while she kept most of her face hidden from view. The black haired girl froze at Mirei’s staring and moved the door so it was showing as little of her face as possible. Mirei looked back at the dairy and began flipping through it. If Wakaba had given her this, it must have the answer to her question somewhere hidden in Wakaba’s vast store of ramblings.
April 27th
This cute girl came up and talked to me today! Her name is Shino… I think… I should really try to learn everyone’s names better… But it’s so hard to keep track of them all! Why can’t everyone just be named after desserts!? That would make everyone so much easier to remember.
Reminder: Ask auntie to bring something sweet next time she visits.
Oh right! The cute girl that talked to me today! Shino (future Hiiro, her name is actually Mirei Shinohara. So much cuter than Shino). She came up to me and rambled about boys or something like that. I didn’t really catch much, her pretty face distracted me from her words. But tomorrow I’ll listen closely and catch everything she tells me! (future Hiiro, I got distracted by her pretty face again).
Okay… Where to start?
First of all, Mirei didn’t know whether she should be flattered or not by all the times Wakaba referred to her as cute, pretty or beautiful during her ramblings. Because the longer she read, the more times she saw one of those words used to describe her in Wakaba’s ramblings. Second of all, did this mean Wakaba never listened to a word she said!? Was she like those stupid boys who always got distracted by a girl’s looks instead of paying attention to their words!? That pissed Mirei off even more and as the brown haired girl skimmed through Wakaba’s remaining ramblings, it didn’t seem like she had listened to a single-
June 15th
Shinohara hit me today.
Mirei paused at the sudden single sentence that started off the entry. Even despite being the aggressor, Mirei distinctly remembered the incident… It wasn’t her proudest moment to be sure, slapping Wakaba across the face after getting fed up with her staring that never seemed to acknowledge her existence (which was really just the girl appreciating her beauty if her dairy entries were to be believed). But it was just the one incident, she hadn’t harmed Wakaba since then! Surely that couldn’t have been the reason for…
It was really weird. I thought that pain was supposed to feel bad, but for some reason the thrill of being hit got me excited! I spent so long avoiding getting hurt that I never thought it could feel so exhilarated! It got my blood pumping and I felt more energetic than I ever had been before. I should really thank Shinohara for doing it when I get the chance… Though Oka-sensei seemed really mad about the whole thing. I didn’t really mind though, so I don’t really understand why she was so upset. Plus, don’t friends usually playfully hit each other sometimes anyway? Surely what Shinohara did to me wasn’t any different, we’re friends too afterall!
Friends? Wakaba thought they were friends?
Mirei felt like she was going to throw up.
She could feel her stomach churn at the words. How could Wakaba be so dumb? Friends don’t slap each other. Friends do more than just bother each other at school. Friends don’t hurl insults every time they interact. Just how caught up in her own head was Wakaba that she didn’t even understand what friends were really supposed to be to one another!?
July 7th
Why can’t summer break just be here already!? I’m getting sick and tired of wearing long sleeved shirts to hide by arm! Hm? What am I referring to? Well… I might have started giving myself cuts on my arms. But I have a perfectly good reason! Sometimes I’m feeling really tired after staying up all night watching anime, playing games or reading light novels. And then school comes and I don’t have the energy to stay up any longer, so just like Shinohara taught me, I give myself an injury to get my blood moving and give me more energy for the day! It’s not as effective as Shinohara’s slap had been, but it helps me get through the day most of the time. But maybe I’m doing it too often because now I have to start wearing long sleeved shirts to school so nobody questions why my arms are all cut up! This one boy in the class (Kyo-something or other) noticed a cut on my arm and started badgering me about it during gym the other day. It was really awkward! Especially after he started giving me concerned looks!
Mirei stopped reading after that, the entry went on from there, but Mirei got the answer she was looking for so she closed the book and simply stared at the ground.
Mirei felt like she was going to throw up.
Without a word, Mirei held out Wakaba’s dairy to her open door and the girl opened the door enough to take it out of the other girl’s hand.
“If you are really lacking energy you should just drink something with caffeine,” Mirei muttered. The brown haired girl didn’t look at Wakaba as she heard the door open a little. She couldn’t look at the black haired girl, not right now.
Mirei felt like she was going to throw up.
Mirei walked down the hall, idly replaying what she read inside her brain as she walked towards the entrance to the apartment. Mirei heard Wakaba follow after her, but didn’t turn around, instead focusing more on what she had read.
Mirei felt like throwing up.
The brown haired girl reached the door before long, twisting the knob and walking out into the hot summer weather of July. Mirei closed the door behind her, barely catching a glimpse of Wakaba’s barely noticeable confused face before it disappeared from view. Instead of leaving right away, Mirei stood in front of Wakaba’s door for a moment.
Mirei felt like throwing up.
She was brought out of her thoughts as her phone rang and idly Mirei began walking away from Wakaba’s apartment as she answered the phone.
“Hello?” Mirei greeted blankly as she continued to put as much distance between herself and Wakaba’s apartment
“Mirei-chan what’s wrong!? Why are you acting so coldly to me!?” was the response of Mirei’s friend Kumiko. And also one of the people who repeatedly told her to stop bothering Wakaba.
Mirei felt like throwing up.
“Sorry, things have just been a bit… rough,” Mirei quietly stated. Kumiko made a noise of confusion on the other end of the line. At the same time, Mirei’s feet hit the pavement of the sidewalk as she began her walk to the nearest train station.
“I know you don’t like Wakaba and everything, but visiting her couldn’t have been that bad,” Kumiko remarked. Mirei stopped walking and stared blankly forward. Everything she had seen replaying in her head once more. Wakaba’s bleeding arm, Wakaba’s dairy, Wakaba’s embarrassed face, Wakaba’s flash of confusion before Mirei left.
Mirei was going to throw up.
“...I’ll see you tomorrow Kumiko-chan,” Mirei mumbled.
“Huh? But I thought you were coming to the ma-” Mirei didn’t hear the rest of her friend's statement as she hung up the phone and simply stared at the street in front of her, illuminated by the afternoon sun and spinning slightly in Mirei’s continued dizzied gaze.
Mirei was going to throw up.
Mirei covered her mouth and rushed towards the convenience store she saw near the station. The store was mostly quiet when she entered, but she didn’t care nor pay attention to that. Instead she was more focused on getting to the bathroom as quickly as possible.
The image of Wakaba’s bloody arm flashed through her mind as she shouldered open the door to the private bathroom. Mirei barely remembered to lock the door as the memory of slapping Wakaba flashed through her mind. She only just made it to the toilet as every instance of her insulting the girl flashed through her mind. Mirei almost didn’t remember to flip up the toilet as a single thought ran through her head.
Wakaba thought they were fucking friends.
That thought was what finally caused Mirei to throw up.
Even as she knelt down in front of the toilet, losing her lunch and probably part of her breakfast, Mirei could only think of one thing. One singular thought that kept repeating in her head no matter how much she tried to not think about it.
Wakaba’s scared and bloody arm.
That was all her fault.
All the blame, all the reasons for it happening. They rested squarely on Mirei’s shoulders. She couldn’t simply blame someone else for this or pass it off as a simple mistake. There was no one to blame but her.
And that thought caused Mirei to throw up again.
Mirei had fucked up, royally. She had no idea what she was supposed to do now.
Because the only thought going through her head was two simple words.
My fault.
My Fault.
My Fault.
My Fault.
MY Fault.
MY FAULT.
MYFAULT.
MYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULTMYFAULT-
“My fault,” Mirei muttered as she dry heaved out what remained in her stomach.
“It’s all my fault.”