Chapter Text
“Y’know, Eren, you’re kind of a coward.”
There was a ripple of gasps across the table, and Mikasa in particular glared at the one who spoke; Jean. It had been a while since him or Eren had made some sort of petty remark about each other.
“Eren’s not a coward!” Armin protested immediately. “He’s saved all of us with his abilities-”
Jean waved a hand dismissively. “No, no. I don’t mean that. That stuff is life or death, right? Loads of us kill Titans. I mean life skills.”
Eren took a moment to contemplate the fact that what Jean just said made absolutely no sense. Since when was killing Titans not a life skill? But then again, this sort of thing usually happened; Jean would occasionally think of any old bullshit reason to make a jab at Eren. Sometimes, it seemed like they were on good terms. But at other times, he would pull shit like this.
“If killing Titans isn’t a life skill, then what is it?” Armin demanded, but the sound of Sasha’s fork clanging down on her plate covered his words effectively, allowing Jean to pretend that Armin didn’t speak at all.
“Everyone always talks about me for having courage,” Eren snapped, loudly enough for someone on another table to turn their head. Killing Titans required the most bravery, according to Eren himself (and anyone with a brain). Was that not enough?
“For doing the right thing, sure,” Jean remarked snidely, carding a hand through his light hair. “I’m talking on a smaller, more individualistic scale. I thought that was obvious.”
“It wasn’t obvious,” Mikasa said quietly, tearing a piece of bread. “We don’t have time to be messing around for our own selfish reasons.”
Jean stopped, his cheeks going red. “Y-yeah, well, sure, but-”
“No, I get what he means!” Sasha said excitedly, finally gaining interest in the conversation after having eaten the last crumb on her plate.
“Then please, elaborate,” Mikasa said coolly, and Eren felt a rush of gratefulness for his pseudo-sister once again.
Everyone leant forwards as Sasha spoke. “Like when I stole the food; the meat, the potato! Or when Jean sort of confessed to you, or maybe when Connie-”
“Oi!” Connie cut her off. “I trusted you, don’t tell anyone that!”
Every pair of eyes on the table flickered towards Connie questioningly. He sank down in his seat, obviously not wanting to explain. Perhaps another time, Eren thought. Connie isn’t going to crack today.
Jean cleared his throat. “Well, you’ve said enough, Sasha,” he muttered.
“I don’t see anything honourable about any of those things,” Eren stated, pushing his remaining food around on his plate; Sasha’s eyes were fixated onto it.
Jean’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean by that?”
Armin intervened quickly, before Jean’s obvious interest in Mikasa could become the subject of yet another argument. “Please don’t argue! And don’t do anything reckless, either…”
Sasha, meanwhile, tightened her ponytail, before inching her hand slowly towards Eren’s plate. Nobody is noticing me, she thought excitedly. I can do this, I can do this-
“Sasha,” Mikasa said warningly.
Sasha sat upright, quicker than humanly possible. Her face paled, like a criminal that has been caught.
Eren shook his head. “No, you can have it. It looks disgusting; I don’t want the rest.”
“Really?” Sasha exclaimed, looking as if some sort of great blessing had befallen her. She grabbed his plate and shovelled the remaining gruel down her throat. How she could stand it was beyond any living human being.
But that’s just it, Eren thought. This is what Jean was talking about. Crime…with a personal reward. That’s why people do it, right? For themselves…
“It’s a valuable skill to learn,” Jean said, redirecting the topic with bravado. “You said at the start that I was too selfish. But if all you think about is Titans and the safety of other people, you’ll never get anywhere. The best people are always a little cocky within their own abilities.”
Eren knew exactly what Jean was getting at. Not relying on equipment, or, in his case, his Titan form, to get by. But was he right?
He looked around the table. Sasha, Armin…always a little unsure in their own respective ways when it came to Titans, always the ones who managed to get into the closest shaves with them. Mikasa, on the other hand, wasn’t arrogant, either, but she placed a lot of faith in her abilities, and she was one of the best around. Even more so, Rivaille…Rivaille was more than confident, and there wasn’t anyone better than him.
Eren stared at the table, fists clenched.
“Well, Eren?” Jean drawled. “Your verdict…?”
“You’re talking about balance,” Eren began uncertainly, “but I don’t see how small, petty things will help me.”
Jean shrugged. “Get a little self-motivation going?”
“No, what I mean is…when I actually do this, what am I going to get out of it?”
There was hush at the table as Jean’s smirk widened and Armin and Mikasa’s frowns deepened.
“I guess we’ll have to reward you,” Jean replied. “But hopefully, you’ll get something good out of it anyway.”
“We? I don’t want to give Eren a present for being stupid!” Armin cried. “He’s making good decisions on his own!”
“We’re just going to keep going round in circles if I address that,” Jean said, irritated. “Can it, Armin.”
“Yeah,” Connie agreed, eager to see something that was both interesting and not life-threatening happen. “You don’t have to give him anything.”
Armin looked at Eren. “Eren, don’t do anything you wouldn’t normally, okay?”
Eren smiled smally. “Maybe I’ll stay within reason.” Even though he would do anything to prove Jean wrong.
Mikasa tugged her scarf up, still glaring at Jean. Her stare didn’t leave his face, a factor which, in other circumstances, might have been beneficial to Jean. Now, it was just unsettling.
“I’ll sharpen your swords,” Jean offered, turning away from Mikasa hastily.
“I’ll steal you some nice food!” Sasha declared, making Eren feel uncomfortable. He didn’t really like food as much as Sasha does…
“I can do your chores tomorrow,” Connie stated. “I’ve got the day off, anyway.”
Eren wasn’t sure whether Connie’s offer was supposed to be some sort of great privilege in that Connie was giving up his spare time, or if it was supposed to sound kind of careless.
“We won’t rat you out,” Mikasa said finally. “Neither me nor Armin.”
“What?!” Armin exclaimed. He wasn’t going to let Eren do this, he couldn’t! Whatever ‘this’ was…
“Mikasa…” Eren said, looking at her. Even she must think that Jean has a point…
Mikasa didn’t make an acknowledgment, beyond nodding slightly. A confirmation.
“But you’re all doing something anyway now,” Eren stated, before he could stop himself. “If I do something, too, it’ll be stupid and pointless.”
Criminals rewarding each other with the profit of their crimes…how unsavoury…
Eren started, wiping the Corporal’s voice out of his head. What the fuck? He looked at Rivaille, who was sitting a few tables away. The latter caught Eren’s glance with a bored expression, and Eren looked down immediately.
“Which is why we gotta raise the stakes!” Connie said excitedly, in response to Eren’s statement. “Start with a bang!”
Everyone nodded, except for Armin, who still couldn’t believe that this was even happening.
“We’ll all be criminals by the end of this,” Armin said miserably. “So much for protecting the people…!”
Eren furrowed his brow. Why have things gotten serious so suddenly? We’re not even real criminals, surely…
“Some of us were criminals before this,” Jean said slowly, and some people looked at Connie.
“O-oi! I’m no criminal! Just a bit of a troublemaker!” Connie protested. “And only when it’s appropriate!”
“I thought the whole point of causing trouble was that it’s inappropriate,” Sasha said, frowning.
“I’m not talking about you, Connie,” Jean said. “I’m talking about-”
“Rivaille,” Eren finished off.
There were a few gasps at the table as the volume of the conversation was lowered.
“So you’ve heard, too?” Jean asked, with a tone that suggested gossip about the person it was most unwise to gossip about, especially when he was only a few metres away.
“Corporal Rivaille?” Armin asked. “But he’s…”
“He’s too big for his own boots,” Mikasa muttered. Eren wasn’t sure that anyone else appreciated the irony of that statement.
“Scary!” Sasha chipped in. “Did you see how he kicked Eren the other day?”
Eren didn’t really know what to think about that.
“You should’ve seen him in the courtroom,” Armin said darkly, causing Mikasa’s frown to develop into something much more threatening.
“He says pain is the best type of discipline,” Jean announced. “Kind of sadistic, right?”
“Shh!” Armin said, worriedly. “He’s right there!”
“A soldier told me he was once in an underground crime ring,” Eren said, feeding the gossip. “He never listened to anyone, and he was supposed to be a notorious threat.”
“Does that mean…he’s killed humans before?” Sasha whispered.
Everyone on their table turned, painfully conspicuous, to look at Rivaille, who was just finishing off his dinner with that same uninterested expression on his face.
The Corporal looked up from his meal, meeting the kids’ stares.
“What are you staring at, you brats?”
Eren and his friends turned away quickly, Sasha squeaking in the process.
“Damn…I think I shat myself,” Connie said, breathing heavily. His remark gained a few giggles.
They stared at their plates for a while, waiting to lose Rivaille’s attention.
“It should be to do with him.” Jean declared.
“What!” Eren hissed. “I don’t want to die!”
“Relax, you won’t die,” Sasha replied. “You might lose your nose and be purple for a few days, but that’s not much to worry about!”
“I don’t want Eren getting involved with that man,” Mikasa said quietly.
Connie raised his eyebrows. “Er, Mikasa…we didn’t mean-”
“What? No!” Eren butted in quickly. “I’m not doing anything like that! I already spend enough time with him…”
Mikasa sighed. “Eren, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not stupid.”
“No, but it’s given me an idea,” Jean said, grinning.
Eren blanched. “No. No, no. Fuck this.”
“It’s too late to back out now, Eren,” Connie said. “You’re in it now!”
As Jean began to explain the details to Eren, there was only one thing the latter could say;
“Fuck.”