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“Jonny, I’m tired” Patrick says looking up at Johnny from his lap. Jonny looks down at him with a small smile, eyes crinkling.
“Then go to bed Patrick.”
“No, not that kind of tired,” Patrick says sitting up, facing away from Jonny before pivoting his whole body towards Jonny. He has to say this now, if he doesn’t he will never be able to again. This hiding was really starting to get to him. Sure they had hid for over 2 years, but it was really in these past few months in which all this hiding began to weigh on his mind.
“Jonny I’m tired of lying. I mean don’t you ever get tired of lying to your family, your friends, our teammates. We can’t ever do anything except at home. I hate having to hide how I feel about you. I want to be able to hug you off the ice, in public. I want to be able to kiss. I want to be able to go on dates, not hold up in one of our apartments.” Patrick takes a deep breath before hastily adding, “I guess what I am saying is, I want to come out.” He stares at Jonny for a moment then looks down. ‘Stupid’ he thinks to himself as the silence drags on.
“Johnny, please say something,” Patrick whispers as he looks up. Patrick can feel tears beginning to build up behind his eyes. He is pretty sure he had just ruined his relationship with Jonny. He couldn’t hold onto the one good thing that he has going for him. Everything he has worked so hard for was gone. Jonny wouldn’t want to play with him, Patrick would get traded somewhere else like Winnipeg and he would be all alone. Patrick would lose all of his friends; his family wouldn’t want to speak to him. Oh god! Patrick’s breathing started to hitch and was coming out fast. Tears were coming out of his eyes.
“PATRICK!” Jonny calls grabbing Patrick’s shoulders. Patrick blinks and looks through his tears. Jonny didn’t say a word just pulls him into his chest. Jonny shushes Patrick when he tries to choke out words. He rocked Patrick into his chest and just held him. When Patrick tries to pull away Jonny wouldn’t let him. He continues to just hold on.
“Patrick,” Jonny whispers into his ear a few minutes later when Patrick’s sobs lessen.
“Mmmhh” is the best that Patrick could come up with.
“I love you," Jonny whispers into his ear. “I love you so much, never think that I don’t. You are the best thing that has happened to me. I just want to know what brought this on. Why do you want to come out now? 2 years ago you were adamant that we should never say anything. Hell, we went through a lot to make sure no one ever knew. I know it killed you to go to Madison and do,” Jonny stops before starting again, “those things, but you were so sure that we should never come out.”
Jonny shushes him before drawing back; his shoulder is wet from where Patrick was against him.
“Patrick, do you really want this. I mean it; you have to really want this, because there is no going back after this. Once it is out in the public it’s there to stay.”
“I want this,” Patrick murmurs. He feels that if he were to talk any louder, everything would crumble down around them.
“I want this so bad. I know what I said 2 years ago. But I don’t feel that way anymore. I was a scared little boy who didn't know what he wanted. I know what I want. It seems weird but I can’t imagine my life without you. I love you so much Jonny. When I hear you talk to the media or your family and say that there is no one. It hurts. I want you to be able to be truthful to them. I want you to be able to talk about me. I want to talk about you too. I want people to know that you’re mine and I am yours. I want to be who I really am. I want to show the world that I am yours, Jonny.”
Jonny just looks at him—Patrick doesn't know what he is thinking and it worries him, usually Patrick can read Jonny but Jonny has a look on his face that Patrick has never seen before.
“Okay, Pat,” Jonny says. “Let’s do this.”
Finis