Work Text:
Scene: Sherlock is in the bathroom at home, holding a knife in one hand and his cock in the other, lecturing about how he doesn't want to do this but it is out of his hands.
Then John walks in.
John: WTF, Sherlock?!?!?!?
Sherlock: Hello, John.
John: Oh, er, I'll just leave then. Erm. Hadn't realized you were into that. Blood and. You know. Er. Yeah I'll leave.
Sherlock: No, no stay. I might need a Doctor.
John: ...?
Sherlock: I'm lead to believe that genital wounds bleed heavily and are easily infected.
John: ...
Sherlock: The unfortunate risks of chastising unruly anatomy.
John: I don't get it, Sherlock. What are you doing?
Sherlock: I would have thought that obvious.
John: Yeah, well, no. It looks like you're about to cut off your dick.
Sherlock: Exactly.
John: ...
Sherlock: Grab that towel, I don't want to get blood on my trousers.
John: Sure - wait, what? NO. No, Sherlock, you're not cutting off your dick.
Sherlock: Why not?
John: Why WOULD you?
Sherlock: I have been getting continuous erections. It is most irritating.
John: ...
Sherlock: The organ has quite stopped listening to me, I'm afraid.
John: Why don't you just deal with it the normal way? You know, masturbate. Instead of, well, this. Which you are not doing, by the way.
Sherlock: I tried. However, it did not turn out to be a very long-lasting remedy.
John: You mean you kept getting it up again right after you wanked?
Sherlock: Exactly, John, do try to keep up.
John: Er - maybe their just not, erm, satisfying enough. Your orgasms I mean.
Sherlock: I have tried every possible way I can think of. What do you suggest I do?
John: ...
Sherlock: If you have nothing to contribute, please hand me that towel.
John: You're going to cut off your dick if I don't show you, aren't you?
Sherlock: That was my intention.
John: Great. Just great. Here, move your hand. Put the knife down. Now start. No, you're doing it wrong. Here, let me show you - like this. No, no. Let me. There, that's better isn't it?
Sherlock: JOHN, john, john john, JOHN, JOHN, John, fuck, oh god yeah, JOHN!!!
etc.