Chapter Text
Part One
"Explain this again," Bones said, giving Seeley Booth her full attention for the first time since he entered the lab. In fact, everyone in the lab was now paying very close attention to Booth. "Your great aunt died?"
"My great, great aunt Esmeralda, my great grandmother's youngest sister, died," Booth said slowly and clearly. "She was a mean old biddy and she hated me, so I never expected that she would leave me anything in her will. I mean, why would she? Every time I went to visit her, all she did was drone on and on about how I should have married Rebecca before Parker was born. Oh, and then she would start on Parker's name… And she hated my Pops…"
"Booth, I think you've gotten off topic," Cam told him.
"Off topic," Booth said and took a calming breath. He was still reeling from the meeting with the lawyers who had explained all of this to him. "Right. Okay. So Aunt Esmie died and her lawyer calls me up to come to the reading of the will. The old bat left me a fortune, but only if I get married before the end of next month and stay married for at least a year. I think she thought if I lasted that long, I'd stay married for good."
"When you say fortune, what exactly does that mean?" Angela asked curiously.
Booth sighed, "The brownstone in Capitol Hill, and a cabin by a private lake in West Virginia. Plus about ten million in cash and various investments."
There was absolute silence until Jack spoke. "Aunt Esmie… as in Esmeralda Worthington, sole heiress to the 'Worthington Steel' Worthingtons?"
Booth nodded. "Yeah, that's her."
Jack whistled. "There's a lot more than ten million in her estate. She was worth billions."
"I know," Booth said. "Like I said, she never liked me or my branch of the family. My great grandmother was the black sheep… she ran off with one of the steel workers in the factory, got pregnant and… Well, we all know how that cliché goes. Aunt Esmie kept in touch with all of us out of duty, and I went to visit a couple times a year because Pops said I should. She was an old lady and mean as spit, but she was family, so I went. I never thought she would actually leave me anything. She's got kids and grandkids… They're getting the bulk of the estate."
"But you need to get married to get your portion," Cam clarified.
"Yeah," Booth said. "I'd just say forget the whole thing, but… that money would do a lot for Parker. He could go to whatever college he wanted. I could send him to private school. We could spend summer vacations at the cabin and he could see something besides concrete and steel. He deserves to have the things I never had as a kid. And Pops could go to a better retirement home than the shithole he's in now."
"I'd do it sweetie, but I just got married," Angela said.
"You'd marry him?" Jack asked with no small measure of jealousy.
Angela smiled and kissed her husband. "Just as a favor."
"I'm out too," Cam said. "I'm not married yet, but James looks like he's gearing up to ask. I can't be married to you and accept another man's proposal."
Everyone turned their eyes to Dr. Temperance Brennan. "What? Oh! Me? Really? I don't know… I have that research trip to Borneo coming up. Will the lawyers mind if I spend half of that year in another country?"
Booth groaned. "Yeah, they'll mind. I'm so screwed. I can just kiss Parker's college fund goodbye."
"Does the will specify gender?" Zack wondered.
Booth turned narrowed eyes to the youngest squint. "It just says I have to be married. I'm not sure Aunt Esmie even knew that there were any other possibilities."
"So you could marry a man," Zack said.
"But I'm not gay," Booth told him. "And none of my friends are gay."
"If it is a marriage of convenience, in name only, then it should not matter if you are gay or not," Zack said with a shrug. "It only seems logical that you would look into other options if one course of action is blocked."
"Are you volunteering?" Booth asked sardonically.
The Jeffersonian scientists all looked on in fascination as if watching a tennis match… or a car wreck. Zack spluttered for a moment but then jutted his chin out and took a deep breath. Jack groaned. Great. The kid waits until now to get a spine. Everyone saw it coming, but no one was prepared when it came.
"Yes, I guess I am," Zack said.
Booth looked floored. "Really?"
Zack looked equally shocked now that he had agreed. "Um… yes."
"But why?" Booth wanted to know.
Zack blinked several times before formulating a reply. "Because you are a friend and friends help each other. Isn't that right?" He looked at the others for confirmation, but they all looked as confused as Booth. "Angela, you said you would do it if you could. Dr. Brennan and Dr. Saroyan, you implied the same thing. Well, I can help, so I will."
Everyone's attention turned back to Booth. His face was pinched and he paced the length of the platform as he tried to weigh his options. If he said no, there was little chance that he would be able to find someone he could trust to do this before time ran out—which meant that Parker's college fund would be miniscule and he'd be lucky to pay for community college. On the other hand, he could say yes and Parker could go to any college he wanted when the time came—but he'd be married to the squintiest squint of them all. For a year.
He stopped and looked at Zack. He took a deep breath and said, "Let's do it."
BZBZBZBZBZ
Booth took Zack to dinner after work to discuss the details of their arrangement. If Zack hadn't known better, he might have thought it was a date. Booth picked him up from the office and drove them to a small, but romantic restaurant in Georgetown. Once at the table, they made small talk—which was rather difficult for Zack, really—and looked over the menu. Zack had butterflies in his stomach but wasn't really sure why.
Once they had ordered, Booth took a large gulp of his beer and said, "So. I guess there's some stuff we need to discuss." Zack nodded and sipped his water. "Right. Well, let's start with the requirements spelled out in the will."
"We have to be married for a year," Zack said.
Booth nodded. "There's more. We have to live together in the brownstone for the duration and sleep in the same bed. The lawyers will send a representative to do surprise inspections to make sure that we are complying."
Zack frowned. "The same bed?"
Booth nodded. "They can even come when we aren't home. See why I was a little reluctant? Anyway, the way it's all spelled out we have to attempt to have a normal marriage. They can't require sex, but they do require pretty much everything else. We have to wear rings and can't cheat. God…a year celibate!"
Zack shrugged. "That part doesn't bother me. I don't date much anyway. I am more concerned about whether or not you snore."
Booth stared at Zack and wasn't sure if he should be amused or horrified. "Right. I've never had anyone complain."
"Then I shall not concern myself further," Zack said agreeably.
"You're sure you want to do this?" Booth asked again.
"There is no reason for me not to help you," Zack said. "Unless you do not want my assistance."
Booth shook his head. "No. I mean, I'm glad you're willing to help. It's going to make a huge difference in Parker's life."
"You could retire from the FBI," Zack said.
Booth frowned. "I suppose. I don't think I would do that, though. I like my work."
"I like my work as well," Zack said affably. "Since receiving both of my doctorates, I have had several offers for jobs leading my own research team or teaching, but I cannot imagine working anywhere but the Jeffersonian."
"You'd rather be Bones' assistant?" Booth asked.
"Dr. Brennan is very easy to work for," Zack explained. "And she gives me a lot of leeway to conduct my own research. I am currently studying the wear on tooth enamel as a means of identifying the location where a person lived. With the help of Dr. Hodgins, I have narrowed it down to geographic regions based upon the water and food resources available. I hope to be able to narrow our findings to specific communities."
"I thought you guys could already tell that stuff," Booth said.
"We can, to a degree," Zack said. "Right now, we use the level of wear on a tooth to indicate the general type of society the skeleton is from. For example, dessert societies have the most wear because of the sand. We can then narrow the findings based upon the aging of the bones and through carbon dating. But we cannot be exact. I am compiling a list of criteria that will give not only the location but the time period based upon a single test. A single tooth, for that matter. Of course, it is still in the theoretical stages. I have not yet been able to test my theories on any skeletons outside of the Jeffersonian. It will take years to compile all of the data and present a working theory."
Booth wasn't really sure what he could say about that. "Um… that's great, I guess." Zack deflated a little and sat back in his chair. Booth sighed. He hadn't meant to hurt the squint's feelings. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be an ass. I think it's great that you get so excited about your work. I just don't understand most of what you guys really do."
Zack thought about that and then nodded. "I do not understand what you do either. I know that you talk to suspects and track down criminals, but how you make sense of the chaos that is human interaction is a complete mystery to me."
"It would be," Booth said with a chuckle, but surprisingly his tone was affectionate, rather than demeaning. "Well, if you are still willing to go through with this, we should probably talk about the wedding and some of the other details."
"I assumed the wedding would be a trip to the courthouse," Zack said.
"I wish," Booth sighed. "Aunt Esmie had some very odd ideas about marriage and weddings. There doesn't have to be love or sex, but appearances must be kept. So a real wedding with our friends in attendance is necessary." Booth paused and winced. "We have to put an announcement of our engagement in the paper, too."
Zack's eyes widened. "I suppose that rules out keeping the marriage a secret. Will you have difficulties at work over me being a man, Agent Booth?"
"It's Seeley," Booth corrected and then paused to consider what Zack had asked. He really hadn't thought about it before. "Maybe from a few Neanderthals, but most of the bureau is pretty accepting. There are other guys in same sex marriages and partnerships. What about you?"
Zack shrugged. "Most of the people at the Jeffersonian either believe I am gay or asexual if they even know who I am. This will not change anything."
Their food arrived and they paused for a few minutes to enjoy their meals. "This is really quite good," Zack told Booth.
Booth chuckled. "I take you to a fancy restaurant and you order macaroni and cheese."
"It is very fancy macaroni and cheese," Zack replied with a grin. It really was pretty far from Zack's normal boxed fare. The cavatappi pasta was covered in a cream sauce and tossed with asiago and cheddar cheese, prosciutto and chunks of spicy marinated chicken breast. That was then put into a small casserole dish, covered with a mixture of breadcrumbs and parmesan cheese and baked.
Booth reached over and stole a bite. "Okay, yeah. Really fancy mac and cheese." He went back to his cider braised pork loin and cut a small bite. He held his fork out for Zack. "Here. Try this."
Zack opened his mouth and accepted the bite. "Mmm. That is good. Perhaps if I return to this establishment, I will order that."
"You should try new things sometimes," Booth told him.
"It is easier to stick to the things I know," Zack told him. "If I order something I do not know and do not like it, it is a waste of food and money, not to mention time."
"But then you never learn what else is out there," Booth told him. "Sometimes you have to take a few risks. But the rewards can be worth it."
Zack nodded. "This marriage is a risk. For both of us."
"But hopefully one worth taking," Booth agreed. The serious turn didn't sit well with Booth, so he returned to their earlier teasing. "I'll tell you what. Anytime we go out to eat together, you can try whatever I have to see if you like it. That way, you expand your palate without wasting anything."
"That sounds logical," Zack agreed. "Thank you…Seeley."
Booth smiled and nodded. He was surprised at how well this was going so far. "Well. I guess we should get to the wedding, then."
BZBZBZBZBZ
"Tell me everything," Angela demanded as soon as Zack walked through the door the next morning.
"Everything about what?" Zack asked with a confused frown.
"Last night?" Angela said as if the answer should be obvious. "Booth took you to dinner? Hello? Seeley Booth who would just as soon shoot you as look at you? The man you, for some god-only-knows reason, agreed to marry yesterday? What happened when you left here?"
The frown deepened but Zack answered even as he walked to hang up his jacket in his lab. "We went to dinner. We talked about the requirements of the will. We began planning the wedding and then he took me home."
"Details Zack! I need details!" Angela practically shouted in her frustration.
"Have I missed anything?" Jack Hodgins asked as he came up behind them.
"No," Angela said and gave Zack a long look. "We're waiting."
Zack sighed and said, "We went to Frangelica's in Georgetown. I ordered some fancy macaroni and cheese dish. Agent Booth ordered the cider braised pork loin. It was very good by the way."
"The macaroni and cheese?" Hodgins asked.
"Yes, but I was referring to the pork loin," Zack said.
Angela and Jack shared a look before Angela asked, "Booth let you taste his food?"
Zack shrugged. "He tried my meal and then offered me a bite of his. We talked about taking risks and expanding my palate. He offered to allow me to try his food all the time so I could learn more about what I like and dislike."
"Zack, buddy, how can you sound so nonchalant?" Hodgins wondered. "This is huge!"
"I do not understand," Zack said.
"Men like Booth don't just share their food," Angela said. "It implies a certain level of… intimacy."
Zack was cleaning out a test tube at the sink but stopped to look back at his friends. "We are to be married. That implies an even greater intimacy, does it not?"
"If it was real, it would," Angela agreed.
"The requirements of the will are very stringent," Zack told them as he went back to cleaning the test tubes with a small brush. "Except for the sexual aspects, our marriage will be real. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get started on the bone density tests for the skeletons from the Andes dig."
Having been summarily dismissed, Angela and Jack left but they both wore frowns of concern on their faces. What exactly had Zack agreed to?